For many of us, writing is catharsis: a way to process and release difficult emotions. Few things are as emotional as the loss of a friend, family member, personal hero, or pet so it’s no surprise that we read a lot of posts paying tribute to lost loved ones and trying to make sense of the newly-made holes in our lives. Here are five pieces that have moved us over the last few months.
“The Mess You’ll Leave Behind,” Stop the Silence, Speak the Truth
Parents who lost a son to a heroin overdose wrote this open letter, bluntly detailing their pain in an effort to push other addicts toward rehabilitation:
I can tell you for a fact that your Mom will never be the same. Some things she used to do joyfully she will no longer be able to do because they are too painful. Remember how she used to like to surprise you with special treats she bought at the food store? Well now she can’t go food shopping because everywhere she turns in the store she sees something she remembers you liked to eat. Those gardens she was so proud of in the front lawn. They’re forgotten now. The only garden she cares about is the tiny one around your grave that she tends almost every day.
“Grieving a Child Gone Yet Still Here,” Trail to a Texas Trial
Sometimes, those we grieve are still with us. At Trail to a Texas Trial, Melinda Lancaster writes about the sadness that descends on parents when illness robs a child of their chance at a normal future:
And there you are — left to cradle a living child and grieving for all that was now dead to you. Grief gets easier to bear, except when you see children on a playground climbing up a slide and your child can no longer walk; it’s easier to bear until you are holding your daughter or son in bed cuddling…after a seizure; it’s easier to bear until prom comes along and no handsome young man is going to ask your girl to her first dance or your son is not pulling at his necktie nervous as all hell as he knocks on his date’s door; it’s easier to bear until your younger children surpass their older sibling and help feed them, run for diapers, wipe drool from their mouth, have to defend them at school. It’s easier, until so many times it isn’t.
“An Elegy for Your Cat,” The Citron Review
Animals are family members just as surely as human parents or siblings, and their loss can provoke profound grief — as Charles Kaufman realized when his cat Koko passed away:
You buried Koko under those white pines, wrapped in her favorite blanket; you tossed in her worn, forest-green breakaway collar with its small, round, blue metallic tag that reads “Koko” and gives your telephone number. Next to the blanket, you placed her favorite multi-colored felt ball, the one your sister made from laundry lint, and as you filled the tiny grave—those frozen-clay walls so carefully clean and square—you left a tulip bulb near the surface, something that would live again in the spring, something that would mark the grave year after year.
“Fiddler’s Green: RIP Gord Downie,” Matthew Barlow
When an icon dies, the pain may not be as acute as when we lose a loved one, but there’s a hole nonetheless, a hole shared by millions of other people — in this case, the millions of Canadians who loved Gord Downie, lead singer of The Tragically Hip, who passed away last week.
I have been thinking about this since the night of the Hip’s last concert in Kingston, ON, last summer. The CBC broadcast and streamed it around the world. And so we were able to watch it in our living room in the mountains of Tennessee, where we lived at the time. Today, with Downie’s death, I realized what it was that made the Hip so quintessentially Canadian in a way other Canadian artists aren’t: They made us proud to be Canadian. We are not a proud nation, we are rather humble (and occasionally annoyingly smug). We don’t really do patriotism, and when we do, it’s kind of sad and forced. We don’t have the great stories of nation formation other countries have. No ‘Chanson de Roland.’ No King Arthur. No Paul Revere. We just kind of evolved into place. But, in telling us our stories back to us in a way no one ever had, Gord Downie and the Tragically Hip made us proud to be Canadian.
“Goodbye Piper,” Lonely Keyboards
Coming to grips with a death is difficult not just because of a loss, but because of the uncomfortable truths it forces us to confront. When Bruce Jenkins’ mother began her final decline, he struggled with both his detachment and his own possible bleak future:
Could have seen her every other day, easily, little bother. But didn’t. The shame curls my lip and brims my eye. I so wanted to be the kind of man who could leave behind the solitary confinement of each inmate in our family of origin prison; share the autumn garden. Or at least peer over the fence and say, how ya going? And I did, but not often. Not often enough to take satisfaction from the entries on the Family Compassion Ledger just inside the number-coded front door. Frequently enough to feel a chill portent; what if my child will not sit with me either? But no way I could think about losing language myself. A nightmare too far. Her, not me.
Do you use your blog to process emotions or challenging experiences? Share a time when your writing or art helped you heal.
Writing helps to experience our emotions as well help us get connected to what we might lost along the way. I use writing yo express my emotions a times
LikeLiked by 15 people
Very true….many writers come to terms with their grief through writing.
LikeLiked by 13 people
like it still grieving loss of Dad after saying a yearful goodbye in September 2014. Though the pain is less and Fond memories getting stronger there are still days I wish we, he and I could discourse face-to-face! They are the hardest.
LikeLiked by 10 people
Wow. Thank you for posting these. It is good to be reminded of how powerful our words can be, not only in helping to deal with our own pain but also in connecting with and helping others with their struggles too. These powerful pieces show how our words can be a guiding light that helps us find others, to find ourselves, to find the survivors.
LikeLiked by 14 people
I’ve written at least three different posts about grief after my mom’s death a year ago. Two immediately after and one exactly a year later. It helps to post about it because I really hate to talk to people in person about it. Here are the posts:
https://theycallmetater.com/2017/10/16/one-year-later/ https://theycallmetater.com/2016/10/28/taters-friday-ramblings/ https://theycallmetater.com/2016/10/21/no-time-is-a-good-time-for-goodbye/
LikeLiked by 11 people
Thank you for sharing your posts; poignant and honest. I’m sorry for your loss; my beloved Dad died nine years ago this weekend, and I can assure you the first year is definitely the hardest, but that you are never truly the same again. Try and be gentle with yourself around significant days like birthdays and Xmas etc- do something meaningful as a family, and try to honour her essential energy, or something she loved. I recently did something very special for Dad, and wrote about it here:
https://boneandsilver.com/2017/09/19/how-i-climbed-a-small-mountain-did-something-slightly-illegal-created-the-sacred/
Take care, from here in Australia, G
LikeLiked by 6 people
Thank you. I read your post. A great tribute
LikeLiked by 3 people
it’s natural, human nature, we can just realize how valuable something is lost when it’s gone.
LikeLiked by 8 people
Although all are beautifully written, I could not get pass the first few…too sad. We all have memories of those we lost. I cannot think of writing at such a time.
LikeLiked by 7 people
Please check out mine too..
Jealous of the Angels
I have always had a tough time accepting my dad’s death.. Even after 9years, still feels like yesterday. Thanks
LikeLiked by 10 people
Thank you for sharing these stories. Grief in not an easy thing to write about. It look me a long time to be able to write about my mother’s tragic death when I was a teenager. Even 25 years late it’s still difficult. Do you believe in the presence of ghosts? I never did until recently. If you’d like you can read my two posts about it here and let me know what you think… http://wp.me/p96GG2-iU and http://wp.me/p96GG2-lg
LikeLiked by 7 people
Amazing article! I just wrote in relation to a loss, although not through death. I will be publishing soon.
LikeLiked by 8 people
The reason I started writing was to overcome grief. I lost my dad when I was 9 and I began writing poems for him. After I started writing other things, I made it a point to write a poem for him every year on his death anniversary. It is a tradition that I’ve been following so far. Grief helped me write and writing helped me cope with grief.
LikeLiked by 12 people
This is soo deep…I love them pieces
LikeLiked by 5 people
My blog was the therapy I needed when times were tough. No friends or family know I have a blog, so I was able to offload and understand what was happening without fear of judgement, whilst ranting or writing (average) poetry about death and dying. I enjoy writing and have met some wonderful fellow bloggers along the way.
LikeLiked by 11 people
I have problems making friends. I have anxiety and I’m awkward around people. Writing helps me at times… I get to express myself better. It calms me.
LikeLiked by 9 people
I feel like I began blogging a few months ago after experiencing writer’s block for a few years. I realize now that it was more than just writer’s block hindering me. Writing has always been part of the way I process my emotions, and for the last couple of years I just didn’t want to examine all the pain and grief I was going through. Finally returning to writing has been a painful but necessary journey of self-discovery and healing for me. I do believe it is helping me & hope that reading and writing helps other bloggers on here as well.
LikeLiked by 11 people
I started writing when I was really young and through years I’ve had journals that I just use to offload difficult emotions and it’s truly been cathartic.
LikeLiked by 8 people
Grief is a shirt you never take off.
LikeLiked by 8 people
I’ve told someone before that writing helps to quiet my head. It’s true, but not only that – it helps you process your emotions and sometimes put images into other people’s heads so that they can understand you better. It bridges a communication gap so often for me.
LikeLiked by 13 people
It’s like meditation for us.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Exactly. It’s a catharsis.
LikeLiked by 4 people
It is seldom for myself but for my friends who have difficulty grieving. My most recent was inspired an African proverb “Umhlaba awudeli”, which loosely translates “the earth never grows weary”.
LikeLiked by 10 people
It was almost 20 years ago that I wrote the piece “Saying Goodbye to Mom”. Writing as catharsis is common for many folks.
LikeLiked by 8 people
I do believe writing our emotions down helps a lot. Reading other posts by other people who have gone through trauma or an experience encourages and opens up the air to us.
LikeLiked by 11 people
This is a beautiful post. Thank you…
LikeLiked by 6 people
Grieving and writing currently, it’s soothing, i feel air in my lungs again
LikeLiked by 10 people
Writing my blog helps me to share what I have learned about this issue and many others…Life has taught me many things about coping with grief and other issues…And writing helps me to cope also!…BJ Rae, author of NEAR A RIVER, http://www.nearariver.com
LikeLiked by 7 people
The first two pieces really moved me… They truly tell the griefs of parenthood 👏
LikeLiked by 6 people
Journalling, therapy sessions, and blogging have all helped me deal with difficult times. Most recently here, I wrote about my Mum’s dementia diagnosis, and was swamped with support and love from my WordPress community- it was amazing:
https://boneandsilver.com/2017/10/12/shes-slipping-through-my-fingers-and-theres-nothing-i-can-do/
A few days later, the #MeToo campaign took off, and I felt very sad and triggered; again I blogged about some of my grief about the state of the world in general (Las Vegas shootings/Somalia bombings/Mexico earthquakes), and my Readers were SO sweet and kind:
https://boneandsilver.com/2017/10/17/can-i-put-on-normal-like-a-coat/
Blogging and writing are an incredible tool for catharsis, for those of us who practise using them. I also dance like a wild banshee at 5Rhythms, which also helps heaps!
LikeLiked by 9 people
My Blog, https://blazeofobscurity.wordpress.com/ was borne of my grief following the loss of my father (2 years ago now). I wanted a place to record the memories I had, because that was all I had left, and the process has become so helpful. There was a bizarre sense of exhiliration when he was dying – a motivating force to work hard to help him and my family. When he died, that energy had to go somewhere, so it went into the blog.
LikeLiked by 8 people
That’s very interesting!
LikeLiked by 4 people
Although I know nothing of parenthood, I found the first two pieces extremely deep and touching 👏.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Writing is different from speaking to others or constantly thinking how you feel about your loss, so writing about your grief is possibly the best way to come to terms with your grief. I write in my journal what I am unable to tell the world.
LikeLiked by 7 people
After my daughter’s passing last year, I blog. It helps me and others.
LikeLiked by 6 people
I once wrote about pervasive racism and its impact in my brother’s death in a rural, southern town. The twist – I’m white and grew up believing in (and subsequently rejecting) racist rhetoric.
LikeLiked by 4 people
As a palliative care nurse and researcher, I appreciate this compilation of posts. I look forward to reading them…there is always so much to learn from those that we care for, and those who are left behind.
LikeLiked by 6 people
When my estranged father passed away at the end of August, writing “An Iterative Tribute to Dad” helped me to work through the grief and regret for not only losing his presence over the last few years of his life, but also forever now that he is gone from this world. It made me focus more on the good experiences we had when I was growing up and helped me to realize that, overall, he was actually a pretty good dad. Now, even though I miss him more than I did before, it’s with a positive sentimentality rather than regret and bitterness.
Oh, the power of writing!
https://jamesclarkthenextiteration.wordpress.com/2017/08/31/an-iterative-tribute-to-dad/
LikeLiked by 3 people
I lost my oldest son in May, I write to heal but also be his voice. It helps me feel human and also keep his memory alive. My whole blog started as a was to keep on going
LikeLiked by 7 people
Journaling or writing about your loss, grief & past hurts is healthy for our wellbeing.
When you share what you have learned; through Your Journey of Healing.
It gives Hope & Inspiration to others.
That sometimes, bad things happen in our lives. Puts us directly on the Path of the
Very Best Things in Life.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Wet true, I just started writing and it helps me cope with some of the things going on in my life!
LikeLiked by 4 people
So much yes to the fact that writing is about expression of your own emotions. Whether it be writing about grief or in my case as a young mother of two, my writing is about discovering myself in general. I remember when I was 10 and had my first encounter with death and loss when my cousin committed suicide. The confusion and lack of understanding was astounding. I can not fathom the loss of ones child…. brilliant post… People underestimate the power and energy that is generated in the writing and blogging of ones own emotions and experiences.
LikeLiked by 7 people
That’s all my blog is really. Expressing the hard times in my life so far.
LikeLiked by 6 people
I always write when am grieving. It’s really a catharsis for me. Not particular incidents make me write but moments make it happen
LikeLiked by 7 people
The last letter gave me goosebumps, it was extremely touching and painful but also very real. Thank you for sharing it.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Couldn’t agree more! This is exactly why i write. I find peace in putting my thoughts and feelings on the paper. Its eaiser to say and get out.
LikeLiked by 7 people
I find writing my blog that I dedicate every word to my son Jacob who we lost in Oct 2015 after a short 13month battle with Ewing’s Sarcoma. I find writing helps me deal with the grief & loss and helps shape my mind in a better shape. Although my blog entries have changed since the 1st year they have taken on a different slant as we have travelled further with our grief since we said goodbye – the words are now guided by photography as I’m using Jacob’s camera now seeing the world through his eyes, the lens of his camera keeping us connected by what I capture.
LikeLiked by 9 people
I write a personal eulogy for every family member who has died, or is dying. They are always in poetry form and they help me write a goodbye because written words flow where verbally the words stagnate in my mind, unable to be spoken. These poems will eventually appear on http://www.kjeastwick.com
LikeLiked by 6 people
Sometimes your words can be your strength. When I lost my dad earlier this year I thought all was lost. Although am still trying to cope with his demise which has become so difficult, yet am trying to survive. Thank you for sharing
LikeLiked by 6 people
i’m not there yet. still trying to process it. but hopefully will get there eventually.
LikeLiked by 8 people
For me writing is a indirect way to say the things that i always wanted to say and wordpress give the that platform 🙂
LikeLiked by 6 people
When I lost my grandfather four years ago, I felt like my world was swallowed by big dark and scary hole, where i lived along with anger, sadness and tears. I was there when he passed away and I couldn´t stop punish myself about what happen. The only way to run away for the feeling that I could saved him if I noticed the signs earlier, was writing about it. I couldn’t talk to anyone about that day without crying and after four years I still can’t, but I can write and tell the world about the great person he was. Because he was an angel and a friend and I want people to remember him. So writing is my way of healing.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Well written. So true. I‘m often in situations I need to write something about it, just in another story. One example is the exterieur of my dog. ☺️♥️
LikeLiked by 6 people
For me writing is a way to express pain, sadness or joy. There have been dark days and moments that I have felt hopeless. Writing helps me let go of the pain or joy, and also I am able to “heal” myself. https://peysoso.wordpress.com/
LikeLiked by 6 people
Sometimes, the Bad Things that happen in our lives put us directly on the Path to the Best Things that will ever happen to us.
LikeLiked by 5 people