Earlier this month, we highlighted a piece by Euny Hong on keeping your goals to yourself while you work on major projects, such as writing a book. We then asked: in this world of blog posts, social media updates, and constant sharing, is staying silent even possible?
“Talking about my novel in progress does seem to satisfy some of the urge to work without actually getting the work done,” said Sonia G. Medeiros, a fantasy, sci-fi, and horror writer. “At the same time, a little talk lights a fire under my behind.”
Readers shared a mix of opinions — we sifted through the comments and compiled some of your responses.
Silence is golden
With three completed novels and three more in progress, silence helps. It keeps the story brewing in my mind. Encouragement and ideas for revisions from readers and editors was critical during revision, but during the drafting stage (which is the slow part for me), keeping the story close, with a strong internal dialogue (constant, even when I sleep), helps me maintain the stamina I need to finish.
If there is one thing I have learned, it is to under-promise and over-deliver! Getting on with it is infinitely more productive than talking about it.
Talking is motivation
I’ve noticed that in many cases, whether it is quitting smoking or writing a book, just speaking the words aloud help cement the idea in a stronger form.
As humans we have a need to share — especially things we are excited about.
Keeping the main goal to yourself is probably best, but I think talking about it here and there with close family and friends to get advice, feedback, and support is a great idea. That way you can shape your goal to perfection from the support and experience of others, too.
Talk to the right people
The problem is not telling people, but the kind of people you tell.
There are no better friends, in my honest opinion, than those who will push you to your absolute best version of yourself, and who will help you realize your dreams, even at the expense of their own time and energy.
I believe you need to talk out loud about it so you can get it out of your head and begin to speak it into existence. Some people need to hear themselves talk about something to analyze that thought and act on it. In addition, when you talk about it to people you will quickly ascertain who believes in you and who doesn’t, and that’s a good thing. Why? Because then you will learn that you need to seek out a group of like-minded individuals who will believe in you, help you, and hold you accountable.
Set small goals to reach the big one
Talking or not talking about it doesn’t impact the execution of your ideas. Believe me — I had plenty and failed following through on lots of them. You need to micro-manage yourself — the best way to succeed. Wanna write a book? Set a DAILY goal of how many words you wanna write. And force yourself to stick with it without fail.
Look at it a different way
I personally prefer to post “look, I did this thing!” rather than “look at this goal I have that I may or may not accomplish.”
That said, a happy middle would be posting progress once the project is underway (“it’s been two weeks since my last cigarette” versus “I’m going to quit smoking for New Year’s”). You’re already well on your way to succeeding, plus you get a boost of encouragement to get you all the way to your goal.
It’s all part of the writer’s journey
If one’s main motivation is “to show the world” that one is “a real writer” (or something), then, perhaps, it could it be a relevant problem. But if one’s motivation has mostly to do with one’s own creative power, one’s intrinsic longing for artistic expression, then I don’t see any problem.
For real artists in the writing arena, opening up and letting other people in long before “the milestone” may serve them very well. Not only is it fun to interact with an appreciative audience, (some of) their criticism may also help.
A slightly different take on this is to think in terms of “deadline” vs. “journey.” Some people are so attached to the idea of a “deadline” (together with the potential for money, fame, etc.) that they forget about smelling the roses along the way. I am of the opinion that one must like smelling roses more than deadlines. Much more.
Ultimately, believe in yourself
I feel that when others live in a state of fear and don’t have dreams for themselves, or lack depth, they are intimidated by individuals who do. Other people are creating perceived value in themselves by telling you not to achieve a lot.
Any related topics you’d love to see discussed here? Let us know in the comments.
This is so true. Keep up the good work! 😀
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I told a family member I was taking an editing course to aid me in completing my manuscript. Weeks passed and a family problem arose instead of rationally speaking about it she said… ‘Stop playing at being a writer and get here to help.’ One, no help was necessary and the issue sorted it’s self and two, an apology was not offered. So I keep my progress to myself. We love and learn😔
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Ha ha, been there.
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I was shocked, you expect your family to be supportive… or shut the **** up. 😯😕
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Same-at times u are born in a family that fails to understand u
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I think it depends on the goal! Like above, I believe quitting smoking, doing a 30 day no drinking challenge, etc – helps if you talk about it. People support, and also hold you accountable. Plus you would be really embarrassed if you couldn’t accomplish, which helps. This goes with other things too!
Certain goals should definitely be kept to yourself or only those you really trust.
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I agree, there’s nothing worse then talking about your goals and seeing doubt on your friend’s faces. I’ve got only one friend who gets it and he also has big dreams.
You’d be surprised how much your friends will be inclined to doubt your potential. I simply take it as an opportunity to show them!
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Ppl are selfish-they tend to destroy everything’s that’s beautiful-even if they are ur thoughts
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Maybe, but probably not intentionally. If they doubt themselves, they’ll doubt you too. Backlash is representative of the speaker not the receiver.
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It’s true, psychologically talking about your goals makes you feel like you’ve actually worked towards them. I think the best thing to do is hint and tease in a way that makes you excited to go straight back to writing.
As far as deadlines, they can help if you’re not driven enough to finish on your own. I keep vague deadlines, but I write at a consistent and comfortable enough pace that I don’t really have to worry about progress.
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Thank you for summarizing and reminding the article. So it stays better in the head! My next project I have announced. This is enough. I will share it only with people who are actively involved in it.
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I really enjoyed this post! I think it’s important if your goal depends on others in order to be successful, and that those types of goals should be told to others to get motivation and hold you accountable to them. If you don’t really talk about your goals, and no one knows about them, it’s easier to get sidetracked and then stop your progress.
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yes, thats exactly, how I´m doing right now. I have informed the most important people around, about my projekt in general. Some people I need still to inform, because I want to stay in time an not be disturbt by anybody. I do not think, that I have to motivate me…I´m already in best motivation. But as I said, I only told the facts…..all my single ideas, I´ll keep for me!
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I agree with this article whole-heartedly!! I do this all the time without realizing it!
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Good. We lack motivation when we discuss our goals with others. People may also manipulate the things to divert your attention from your goals.
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There are certain goals that need to be spoken about, but they are those which require the help of others to achieve. Individual goals, for eg. An academic goal, work-related goal or a goal which requires you to undertake a project by yourself; I believe should be kept to oneself. Because as soon as you say it out loud it loses the rush you ought to feel whilst working on such goals. Further, in the worst case scenario if you’re unable achieve this goal, not only are you disappointed with yourself, but also have others to point out such things every now and then.
I agree this may sound very negative, but it is also practical. Yes, you do need someone to motivate you once in a while, but then again, in today’s world, there are more people who’d rather watch someone fail than help or motivate them to achieve their goals.
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People who love you will appreciate and support your goals .And the rest get resentful listening to your goals and they do not appreciate but dishearten you.So we should keep our goals to ourselves and stop sharing it to others.
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I agree!
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These are your personal goals. When you share them, others may see they need such a goal to set. There really isn’t a way to compete when you state your goals. It gives others a sensing that they might benefit from setting their own goals also. Face it. Art is spontaneous, yet planned.
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Agreed! Eve if people don’t support your goals, it is worth it to share because you never know what you will happen! I shared my goals with one of my good friends and that how i found my business partner to start my dream social media agency. Share share share!
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Hi! Actually it depends on with whom are you going to share your plans or goals. Because some people will genuinely support you and they’ll channel their positive aura unto you. However, there are also people in sheep’s clothing.. what I mean is.. they seem enthusiastic with your plans but they’re not really happy about it, not happy for you. The more you share or talk about your goals, it is likely to get jinxed by unhappy and resentful people.
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Interesting you mention aura, I just posted about ESP. Great points. On the flip, the person we think of that we don’t want to share with should be a lesson in what we should we not do to others who open up to us.
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I guess you should talk after knowing your audience. Trick is you can never be 100% assure the decision would not come back to you, hence just show the cards you know you can handle later. Personally I feel optimism and havock confidence in oneself is what actually keeps one going. Like I would probably not discuss my weight loss regime with anyone ever since the plan has been ever since adolosence, however I will definitely discuss my career plan with anyone and everyone for only I can help myself make or break it.
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Spot on
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🙂
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True👍
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Everything you said in this post is true.
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As mentioned in the article, one point of view is to share your goals in order to cement them into reality and to help make you accountable (“bragging” was also a Viking ritual to boast about your accomplishments – it also forced you to live up to your own claims).
But I think this is hugely dependent on your own level of inner strength and how supportive your environment is. If you have no self-confidence and you’re surrounded by nay-sayers, it may be best to keep your goals to yourself. If the opinions of others are irrelevant, you like the challenge of keeping promises you have declared to the world at large and you have supportive people in your life – then announce your plans to everyone.
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I love this conversation. I believe there are benefits and cons to both. I think it’s a very true point though that writing a novel is more of an experience with yourself when you’re silent. I’m not experienced (no books published) but I have written two. The first one I didn’t tell anyone about and I think it was a happier experience for me. I had no pressure, and it was so much fun getting to know myself and what I love. The second book I told my husband and best friends about. It was still an amazing experience and of course I had fun because I love to write, but there was added pressure, but at the same time I finished the second book faster and I got feedback as I wrote and I believe it was more helpful in that way in a sense too. I think it just depends on the person writing! And the people you tell about the book. 🙂
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Share your goals with the people you love I think. If they love you they will only constructively criticise or they will praise. Be wary of who to share goals with being some will become resentful and jealous – hence why I say share only with those you love and who love you… otherwise keep your goals close to your chest. Above all believe in yourself
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I think this is excellent advice but only if you’re not sold on your own passion and ideas and commitment. For me, that was the beginning when I first started writing but then realization that I’m going to finish it rain or shine gave me confidence. I am careful who I tell and what is discussed but I really think a healthy amount of detachment is key. Telling others doesn’t make you vulnerable, allowing their response to have weight does.
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Good point. I didn’t think of it like that but thank you for your wisdom. I am a relatively new writer and so at the moment I reckon peoples opinion of my work holds more weight with me than it should. But I will strive to gain confidence in my own abilities, so much that I no longer require approval from those I love – so that I will want it not need it in time 🙂
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I don’t necessarily know if the amount of time someone has been writing matters too much. You can still love your work so much it doesn’t matter what others think. Of course balance is needed too (i.e. if you want published you have to be aware of what’s selling). Anywho, I didn’t mean to give advice, it’s what works for me! I figure if your passionate enough about something, do the work, and read up on the craft, you, at the very least, created something true and authentic to yourself. If others don’t like it, yes, it is a stab at your existence and personality but there will be those few who identify with it strongly. You just have to find them and hope they like to read lol. Thanks for your reply.
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The experience depends on who you share your goal with and what goal it is. You tell your goal about some social cause for example..like minded people join but some retarded miscreants will be sure to disrupt it.
Most importantly, at that moment just do what you feel about the goal. Never blame failure on the people you shared or did not share with. no regrets. just believe whatever happened is for the good and carry on.
For a goal born in the depths of your mind you can be your only true nurturer
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It depends on the goal and whom you share with.
For a goal born in the depths of your mind you can be the only true nurturer. sharing/not sharing should not affect it all. have no regrets and just push on to reach your goal
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Makes sense totally but in this generation, staying silent is a task. And especially in case of students like me, staying silent is super hard because we are an excited bunch of people who want to promote whatever we do or write or achieve and for us we feel that staying silent doesn’t take us anywhere.
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I think sharing your goals and progress can be helpful. I think mindlessly talking but not working to complete is pointless though.
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It all depends- if those around you’re supportive, ‘ve like minds. Then, sharing your ideas before inception would only lead to encouragements, which in turn boost your morale. But if they’re resentful, envious, or have no faith in your capabilities. I still maintain, you keep it to yourself until you’ve accomplished the set goals. That way, no one would demoralized you or create doubt in you.
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I think it’s good to share your goals but only with people who are believing in you.
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I keep a schedule as much as I can. I wrote my own, because I need creative time, and cleaning time, cooking time, etc. It is a personal schedule. I try to follow it, especially when to turn the lights out. I rise early, and go to sleep when I am tired. Working during the day helps to fall asleep. Time management is efficient, when you have a schedule. I am not in stone with it. I do know what to accomplish. My son is beginning to do this. I have seen his lists of what he needs to get done. Work pays off. He does.
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Fabulous, so clever and insightful
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Couldn’t agree more! Love your article!
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For me, it’s a little bit of both and for most of the reasons shared by everyone. Speaking to a mentor about my big goals propels me further, whereas, speaking to my close friends and family helps me build my support network. I know they mean well when they check in with me, especially if I’ve made it clear that I’ve set deadlines. On the other hand, keeping my big goals to myself at some points along my journey towards achieving them feels rewarding.
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Excellent article! I love hearing the advantages and disadvantages of both sides. Personally I find it helpful to talk about my major goals to someone who will support but offer unbiased advice. It helps me process and defines the goal more clearly. Yet most of the time I believe it is better to say less and sometimes nothing about your big plans and goals, especially when it comes to writing. Don’t tell people your dreams; SHOW them.
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Very true. I think that if a goal doesn’t conform with the “norm” we tend to keep it more secret. Generally we don’t like to expose ourselves to negative feedback or criticism. I personnal initally kept my blog a secret from friends and family because I felt it was a little silly.
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I think Synched Stories said it best; If you’re more worried about the external than the internal, you’re in trouble. I’ve found that talking about your work can be motivating, but talk too much about it and it becomes distracting.
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There’s definitely doubt when anyone voices out goals but I feel like it pushes a determined person to prove the doubters wrong. I’m an advocate for sharing just because I feel the need to share. Sharing with people who genuinely want the best for you is an encouragement in itself. I feel like if you are determined to achieve a goal, sharing or not sharing shouldn’t be an issue.
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As an introvert, silence is golden. That’swhat really made me and pleases me at the same time.
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I love that! When it’s your secret little world. Introverts need a secret safe space.
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True.
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Personally, I find it helps to keep me driven toward my goals, large or small. Naturally, small goals are forerunners to the bigger ones, but with all the interworkings of what youre setting out to accomplish I find it helpful to talk or write through them. This is actually one of the reasons I JUST began my blog. If you wouldn’t mind, lemme know what you think 🙂
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I love this. I am new to blogging but I am not new to setting goals. I have tried both voicing goals and diligently “doing it in the dark.” Needless to say, working with a trusted partner or group is certainly more fun and productive, for me.
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I never expected to write a book. I wrote in a diary and a particular sentence jumped out at me. From that sentence I wrote a book. It still remains a secret. I’m still in shock I managed to do it I think. I wrote 90,000 words in six weeks. It was a subject very important to me.
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I think having a personal interest is the strongest motivator there is. Your book success is proof of that
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Perfect as an arrow in my mind 😀
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It’s better to show people what have already done than what expect to do!
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😐😐😐
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I have experienced this firsthand! I definitely prefer to keep my lips zipped! I am a goal setter and I don’t crave for validation feom other people about my goals. I usually prefer to talk ONLY after I get there.
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Truly an interesting and helpful topic!
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I am the worst at getting too overly excited for something then being disappointed when it fails to live up to my expectations. This is a great post and definitely something to bare in mind!
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Undersell and overachieve!
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It’s good to talk to your family and best friends, and the person who has knowledge about your idea and should be good in nature to help others…
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Love this !
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Well on equating talking about our big goals and staying silent, I would say both need to be used wisely. Sometimes talkng to friends helps u in knowing how you come out, if you are confident or it is just a vague idea. They help out in giving motivation and confidence.
On the other hand sometimes the built up fire inside us keeps us going on till we don’t speak to others about what is driving us and then we talk to friends it disappears as we become a bit calm and relaxed because of their confidence in us
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Excellent
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Good to share a little, with those closest to you, those who won’t criticise if you don’t quite reach those goals.
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Great topic. I recently watched a video that claimed that sharing the goal gives you an artificial high that can actually make you less inclined to want to work to achieve the goal. bad news for me because I post about my goals every week on my blog but I know now that while I share the process, I have to make sure I am also committed to working the process to reach my targets.
Recent goal post here: http://wp.me/p4cJzL-3ty
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I definitely prefer keeping things to myself as I am working towards the main goal. I often feel like people overshare their future plans and goals with strangers (e,g: on social apps), which puts unnecessary pressure on them.
Sure, share your goals and dreams with your family and friends because they ground you and can give you a different and better perspective, there’s nothing wrong or unusual about this!
-Protect your work in progress and work on your goals and your own pace.
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I recently stopped announcing my future goals. Now I’ll just accomplish them and let the achievements speak for me.
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Communication is a biggest and easiest solution
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