Earlier this month, we highlighted a piece by Euny Hong on keeping your goals to yourself while you work on major projects, such as writing a book. We then asked: in this world of blog posts, social media updates, and constant sharing, is staying silent even possible?
“Talking about my novel in progress does seem to satisfy some of the urge to work without actually getting the work done,” said Sonia G. Medeiros, a fantasy, sci-fi, and horror writer. “At the same time, a little talk lights a fire under my behind.”
Readers shared a mix of opinions — we sifted through the comments and compiled some of your responses.
Silence is golden
With three completed novels and three more in progress, silence helps. It keeps the story brewing in my mind. Encouragement and ideas for revisions from readers and editors was critical during revision, but during the drafting stage (which is the slow part for me), keeping the story close, with a strong internal dialogue (constant, even when I sleep), helps me maintain the stamina I need to finish.
If there is one thing I have learned, it is to under-promise and over-deliver! Getting on with it is infinitely more productive than talking about it.
Talking is motivation
I’ve noticed that in many cases, whether it is quitting smoking or writing a book, just speaking the words aloud help cement the idea in a stronger form.
As humans we have a need to share — especially things we are excited about.
Keeping the main goal to yourself is probably best, but I think talking about it here and there with close family and friends to get advice, feedback, and support is a great idea. That way you can shape your goal to perfection from the support and experience of others, too.
Talk to the right people
The problem is not telling people, but the kind of people you tell.
There are no better friends, in my honest opinion, than those who will push you to your absolute best version of yourself, and who will help you realize your dreams, even at the expense of their own time and energy.
I believe you need to talk out loud about it so you can get it out of your head and begin to speak it into existence. Some people need to hear themselves talk about something to analyze that thought and act on it. In addition, when you talk about it to people you will quickly ascertain who believes in you and who doesn’t, and that’s a good thing. Why? Because then you will learn that you need to seek out a group of like-minded individuals who will believe in you, help you, and hold you accountable.
Set small goals to reach the big one
Talking or not talking about it doesn’t impact the execution of your ideas. Believe me — I had plenty and failed following through on lots of them. You need to micro-manage yourself — the best way to succeed. Wanna write a book? Set a DAILY goal of how many words you wanna write. And force yourself to stick with it without fail.
Look at it a different way
I personally prefer to post “look, I did this thing!” rather than “look at this goal I have that I may or may not accomplish.”
That said, a happy middle would be posting progress once the project is underway (“it’s been two weeks since my last cigarette” versus “I’m going to quit smoking for New Year’s”). You’re already well on your way to succeeding, plus you get a boost of encouragement to get you all the way to your goal.
It’s all part of the writer’s journey
If one’s main motivation is “to show the world” that one is “a real writer” (or something), then, perhaps, it could it be a relevant problem. But if one’s motivation has mostly to do with one’s own creative power, one’s intrinsic longing for artistic expression, then I don’t see any problem.
For real artists in the writing arena, opening up and letting other people in long before “the milestone” may serve them very well. Not only is it fun to interact with an appreciative audience, (some of) their criticism may also help.
A slightly different take on this is to think in terms of “deadline” vs. “journey.” Some people are so attached to the idea of a “deadline” (together with the potential for money, fame, etc.) that they forget about smelling the roses along the way. I am of the opinion that one must like smelling roses more than deadlines. Much more.
Ultimately, believe in yourself
I feel that when others live in a state of fear and don’t have dreams for themselves, or lack depth, they are intimidated by individuals who do. Other people are creating perceived value in themselves by telling you not to achieve a lot.
Any related topics you’d love to see discussed here? Let us know in the comments.
The reason I don’t share my goals is because i’m afraid of failing and looking dumb. If I fail privately, no one can judge me but myself privately. I;m already a private person so its not hard. I just want to be able to “make it” with out other people opinions and judgment. But I guess at the end of the day its important to get feedback and learn from what others have to say. Its something that i’m honestly working on everyday. 🙂
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Very true. Good read!
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Love love love ❤️
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Very interesting to hear all the opinions. I just started my blog to put my goals in print to see how it motivates me. I’ve kept lots of goals to myself and I do reach lots but those I don’t reach kinda just slide by the wayside. I’m hoping that a few followers and public goals can get me to not just meet my goals and expectations of myself but far exceed them. (Athletic, financial, and scholarly goals… I have a lot going on lol) feel free to check in see how it goes lol
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So helpful! And exactly what I needed to hear and read to keep myself motivated to complete daily and long term goals in this noisy world.
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Goals are but milestones of the journey. It is the experience of the journey that we desire to share and hear. Tell of the past, speak of the present, and the story of the future, where you could be, should be, would be, will be there for those who are able to see.
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I actually tried this on myself when I wanted to go for something scary which was a volunteering program overseas. I was never one who would make my ideas come true but after keeping my projects to myself I found out it really helps! I never thought it would work.
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same here!
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wow quite interesting, but i think whom you talk to is what matters
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I find that with my blog, having a few “weekly features” keep me motivated to write.I’m not professionally published and my work is on a much smaller scale, but by having regular things to write about, I am able to treat blogging like a second job (albeit unpaid). I only share a teaser for any upcoming posts I have on my blog’s Facebook page – if I’m working on say, a recap of a TV show episode or a movie, I don’t discuss with anyone. I only put the teaser out after I’ve finished my work and scheduled it to post. Once in a while, I’ll do status updates on my blog’s Facebook page to say hello to my small group of followers, but I’m pretty tight-lipped about things until I have something written. Since this isn’t a paying job for me, I can keep things quiet until I’m ready to share them.
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It’s true talking about it increases vulnerability to the outcome of the work in progress, and yet feedback on the work is necessary. Who you tell it is thus more important than what you say about work in progress.
Napoleon Hill said this: Tell people what you intend to do, but first show them
It’s the way to stay ahead while talking about work in progress
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I loved reading this, me personally I keep my goals between me and my husband, while working toward them in silence after which I have reach a point I would share it with the world.
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Good read, was especially helpful as I’m working on beefing up my blog before inviting friends and family to view. Keeping quiet about it has been a challenge.
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Blogging or not, if I share my personal goals to more than my close circle of friends, I tend to fail to achive them. It’s probably because I’ve already got their reactions before finishing which makes the “doing” part less motivating. Sometimes though, it is really hard for me to keep everything a secret since that’s the joy of sharing.
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This is so informative. The best thing I love about reading is that I always take away something very important and useful as I grow as a person. My take on this topic is that it’s great to talk about our big goals because it will give us this certain assurance that we’re really moving forward. Also, it will matter who we’re telling it to as mentioned above but ultimately, for me, what matters is how we handle other people’s feedback on our big goals. If we get positive reinforcement, let’s fully utilize it but never forget that we still have to move along and work on our big goals to actually achieve them. On the other hand, when we receive a negative response this may create a big impact on our self-esteem. My point in general is that it really all is a matter of how we handle other individuals’ responses to our big goals. Thanks for this Cheri!
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Great read!
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Dear editor, I would like to ask that how silence is actually helpful in writing a story?
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Lots of the comments on this post and the previous one (https://wordpress.com/discover-wordpress/2017/06/08/stop-talking-about-that-book-youre-writing/) offer various responses to your question — take a look!
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I’m glad there was a follow up. I feel like sharing my ideas helps me get accountability partners. I know these people I can trust to ask important questions and provide the check in I need to stay on track.
Thank you!
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This is so true and such a good reminder! It is indeed one of the secrets of highly successful people. It is also scientifically proven that you are less likely to accomplish something if you speak of it before it happens it gives you a false sense of accomplishment.
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If I talk about my idea, I feel no capacity to write it. I can give it only one life or the other. I prefer to write them.
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Sharing your goals is awesome. You can inspire your friends and family to set better goals and also keep yourself a accountable for the completion of your goals. Your friends will follow up with you if your goals are challenging and motivate you to finish 🙂
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I think that talking about big goals is fine as long as you’re not doing this to convince yourself that your goal is right or that you’re seeking approval of your goal from others. Support is wonderful and should be practiced by all…. but each of us should know when we’re seeking support that others can’t do “our” job.
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I think healthy detachment and detail omission is key. If you’re serious about your passion and work it will leak out of you anyways. Develop your elevator speech, dodge details, and get back to work with that “fire under your hiney.”
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Sometimes, not talking about a goal can let it be on the back burner for a long time or make it seem less achievable. But goals (especially the big ones) can be extremely personal even if they are professional goals and some time to keep them private is reasonable. For me, anyway.
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Well, I often tell the right people,they encorage me,and surpport me
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I agree with the last statement, that I lack the belief in myself to do what I set out to do. It’s sometimes easier to follow the path of least resistance, but that’s not what I truly want in life anymore. It feels like I have a purpose and sometimes sharing my goals may deter my purpose based on who I share my goals with. Be careful with who you share your story with.
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For me talking about it motivates me and other times I don’t want to share until it’s perfect!
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I used to tell about my dreams to everyone I met, however over the time I became ‘wiser’. People tend to ruin your dreams, discourage you or laugh at you, especially if you’re not gonna achieve them quickly. With that said – it really matters to whom you actually tell your dreams. You know the people you can trust with your secret plans and then it’s great sharing them. But even so, being a very private person, the biggest ones I tend to keep for myself until I know I am close to ahieving them..
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This is a fabulous article, there is a real need for an article of this nature. Sometimes it can be hard to share your deepest dreams and passions, I think sharing them with people you trust helps you gain confidence. I have had some lovely encouragements from people I
didn’t expect to hear it from. On the flip side there will always be that person you do expect positivity from who does the opposite and makes you feel silly for trying. So I guess the key is trust your instincts and spend just enough time talking about what you want to do and a little more time actually doing what you need to do and BOOM you are almost there already! Love intotheeco.com xxx
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In my personal experience. I believe that it is okay to share goals with people. But be sure to know that the people you share your goal with are like minded as you are. yet how will you know that in the first place? You could study your environment and the people around you to see if they will support you whatsoever. But what if they don’t because they think what your idea is bizarre or can’t come from you. That’s no way to give up or think they are right! Perhaps all the criticism was just to shape your thoughts anyway. I will also add that, do not share the whole idea, but just a portion of it. Their reaction will help you in knowing the action to take. And also know that at the end of the day you are you own motivator.
Or even so, it was better if you kept quiet and wait till you drop the news after working hard on your idea.
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I noticed that when I tell people about my ideas or projects which i am willing to embark on, this reduces my motivation to actually start doing them! However, when i talk about that idea/project when publishing the results (usually on my blog), i get far better encouraging responses!
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