When it comes to big goals, like quitting smoking or writing a book, author Euny Hong recommends you zip your lips. “The declaration of intention paradoxically reveals the lack of intention,” she writes. If you’re working on a project, Euny suggests a vow of silence until you’ve seen it through.
Read snippets of her piece at Quartz:
Why does talking about a big goal, such as writing a book or quitting smoking, sabotage your ability to complete it? Because every time you talk about an unfinished project with someone, you are tricking your brain into thinking you’ve done some of the work. Talking about writing a book gives you the same mental fatigue and satisfaction that you’d get from actually writing for an hour. It’s demotivating.
One of the biggest mistakes people make in life is assuming that intangibles are in greater supply than money. All resources are finite — all of them — including the three traits that separate people who finish books from people who don’t: ambition, stamina, and your ability not to tire of hearing your own ideas. (Note that I did not include “writing ability” as an essential trait. Talent is a nice thing to have, but is literally not even tertiary in importance.) All three of these resources get depleted every single time you talk about your book.
Do you agree or disagree? And in this world of blogging, social media updates, and constant sharing and documentation, is staying silent still possible? Share your take in the comments.
Talking about it makes you accountable. I almost disagree entirely, but there are those people that have the personality of talking about plans, but never do anything.
I guess, for a small cross-section of society, may be true. For the rest of us, talking about it adds pressure to get up and do something.
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A great idea in theory, but what if other people are usually your accountability? I’m finding EVERY reason (real or imagined) is keeping me from beginning writing projects. I wonder what has worked well for others if they write in “silence”?
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I think you are correct there are limits but they can be replinished. I believe everyone is not meant to have knowledge of your goals. If you have a goal on your heart and you have a friend or loved one truly invested in seeing you accomplish your goals than they might be a great accountability partner but ultimately Its your job to stay focused.
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I kind of agree but my only problem is for me personally if I tell someone something about what I’m doing it makes me feel like I’ve got to then do it to prove that I can or will do it so for me sometimes that can make me get things done or it can put me off because now what I’m aiming for is just to prove something to someone that doesn’t really have great relevance in my life. But great read plus I’ve been trying to keep my lips sealed this last couple years big lips sink ships aye.
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I’ve written two Sci-Fi novels, they’re completed. So I’m not self-conscious discussing. They’re on the web…are they selling ? Oh, wow, I’m wearing orange 👡’s
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That’s interesting, ” For one who depends on others’ opinion..” We all are subject to the social lens.
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Interesting and totally makes sense!
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I think I have fallen trap for this one. Talking about it makes me picture it, but it does demotivate me when I see that the actual results was not like what I wanted.
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Yes, I agree with you. I had never written anything before but I once wanted to write a short fantasy novel out of interest. I wrote up to 4 chapters but the more I talked about it, the less motivated I was and eventually I dropped the project.
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agreed
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I agree and disagree at some reason; its okay to talk about your goals somehow, but sometimes silence can be a better way for you to focus on your goals.
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I totally share this sentiment. I agree that people are your accountability, but I think for some of us they may also be counter productive. I have countless half-started projects and ideas that have seemed to die out, always after mentioning it to someone, or extrapolating it. I get that concept of tricking yourself that you have actually done something. While the only thing you actually did was talk.
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TRULY said and wisely written
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Agreed
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There is some truth to this, but I think this largely depends on the person and what kind of personality goes with it. I personally would announce my intention to Facebook when I was about to take LSAT and the bar. Why? Because I am also Filipino and grew up with the public shaming mentality. The thought of failing and the shame that would follow propels me into making sure I won’t fail. Not without a decent effort anyway.
However, I also hedge the odds in my favor about what I am going to announce. To make sure it is something I think I am capable of doing. For example, announcing that I want to read Korean. Well, I did. Learn to read. I did not say I was going to understand what I read. Just that I’d learn to read it. So yes, this statement has truth to this, but its effect also depends on the personality of the person.
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I really agree with what you’re saying!
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With three completed novels and three more in progress, silence helps. It keeps the story brewing in my mind. Encouragement and ideas for revisions from readers and editors was critical during revision, but during the drafting stage (which is the slow part for me), keeping the story close, with a strong internal dialogue (constant, even when I sleep), helps me maintain the stamina I need to actually finish..
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I think it just depends on the person. Some people it might motivate while others it might not. It may also depend on where you are in your writing project. Good question.
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Very true agreed.
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Yaa I absolutely agree with it . It happens many time with us . Just can say its a scrumptious post related to truth .
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I think you accomplish more done in silence. It’s best to learn the ropes and keep goals to yourself as you learn the ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts.
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I agree with this. Plus if all you are doing is bragging about how you are writing a book and how great it is going to be then you are not actually spending/taking the time to write the book. Its a lose-lose situation in the end because as you said your resources are limited.
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Nicely said…
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💥 get some done
💥 give to others
💥 satisfaction
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I would have to disagree with silence. I wouldn’t have a single book written if I don’t share ideas with other creative minds, or people with knowledge about what I’m writing about. My family especially give me ideas by me bouncing stuff off them. I get stoked wheN I talk about it. Excited. I want to write even more.
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My opinion completely matches to yours.
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I believe it depends on the individual. Some people are intensely private and that helps them realize their goals faster while others experience the rush of motivation much more intensely when they share their desires and dreams with others. However, the way I see it, there’s definitely a problem when one spends more time talking about something in lieu of acting.
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I admit I am tired of hearing people brag and talk about their new books or book projects as if they are the only book writers out there and readers are tripping over their feet to get in line at their book sales or signing events. Is it jealousy or an envious nature we have because we do not have our own book finished or published? Yes, perhaps it is. It was with me for a while, until I realized that it just didn’t matter anymore who was talking about their books. The fact that I have had two book projects of my own in the works for so many years unfinished, unpublished, shelved or stored away with other files does little to motivate me more when I hear other writers post their book updates. I am accountable to no one but myself and no longer share with others about every chapter I’ve done or every project I’m on.
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I agree …
I too believe in … work in slience..let the success make noice
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I agree keep working quietly until your ready to share with the world.
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There is certainly some (extremely valuable) truth to this. In the same way that verbally unloading your emotional baggage has a cathartic, but self-desensitizing effect, we often feel so much relief by airing our grievances, that we fail to notice the tension that often carries the desire and energy to make real behavioral changes is gone as well. If we are struggling to finish something, that tension can definitely be put to good use. If motivation and accountability is what we seek, however, I advocate sharing ideas with others, especially in the early stages of a big project. I think the stage of the work has to be considered.
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Wow, I’ve never looked at it this way. It makes sense though! Great post!!
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I agree wholeheartedly. My daughters completely shut me out whenever I start to talk about “the book.” I shared it with a very verbose, intelligent friend and she began giving me ideas of how to twist the ending…and then it was a matter of starting all over because you write from the beginning with the end in mind…not the other way around. So this book that has been waiting to get out for about 24 years is still floating around in a flash drive and drafts are stuffed in a box somewhere and I am trying to muster up the give-a-damn to get back to it. All this from opening my big mouth, looking for encouragement. Ugh!
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I totally agree on this. I dilly dally on completing a project once I talk about it!
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Talking about your book in lieu of actually writing is a waste of time. However, talking about your book with another writer or someone who supports your writing ambitions may be a good idea. It’s a chance to force accountability and may add some pressure for you to hurry up and complete your manuscript already. Of course nothing is simple, everyone has their personal need to either share or keep private.
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I do agree.
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Couldn’t agree more. Maybe talk about it once it has been completed at least.
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I love this!! Actions speak louder than words.
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Great article I wish I could write a book. 😕
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work in silence is best… Your silence speaks better than you do
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I completely agree with you. Actually, what happens when we start talking about our big goals we suddenly become lazy about it as I experinced the energy we are storing to achieve is released and we get results very soon our mind thought like it. If we keep quiet about our goals the thought and energy remain alive within us till the achievement. This is my personal experience. This is really true. We need to control about sharing.
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Yes, correct I too agree because we feel we are sharing means getting new ideas but it already known to them .Moreover, that surprise element vanishes .Sharing and helping is good but not always..;-)
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True. But how about accountability? I guess the reason why some of us talk about it is because we understand that we need the help of people around us to make things happen. The trouble comes when you tell people what you want to do in order to impress them as opposed to have them keep you accountable. I’d say, tell people who are gonna push you closer to your goals so they may ‘partner’ with you, but give minimal details to everyone else. Here’s a TED talk with a similar idea: https://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself
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I also thought of this TED talk. I never would have thought that talking about your goal would make it so unlikely to happen. It’s such an interesting concept!
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I can see your point. Although I did read once that if you announce your intentions, it’s like you’re making yourself accountable to the people you’ve told and therefore are more likely to do it. I’ve never written a book though so don’t know what works in reality.
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I think it’s a great point you’re making but I believe that different people, as always and as you probably are aware of yourself, have different needs and ways of dealing with the workload at hand. Some people might never finish when they talk about it and for some the building pressure of people knowing can be the only motivation to actually work on it. Of course this should never be an excuse for the possible lower quality of the work but I myself find it motivates me when people are watching what I do and remind me that I’m working on something.
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I agree. Writers write and never quit, no matter if it is only ten minutes a day or ten hours, we all have busy lives. Trouble is imaginations don’t stop or turn off with a switch. Finishing is never a problem, for me, it is the editing. But chores are there to be done.
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Spot on…I totally agree…
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I believe talking about it can also put unneeded stress on you. You may start to worry that everyone is now going to expect it to be greater than it could ever be or worry that you won’t finish it as fast as people expect you to. Keep it to yourself and aim for your own goals…not for everyone else’s added expectations.
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“Zip your lips”? Nonsense. It all depends on the writer, the project, and what one’s motivation is.
If one’s main motivation is “to show the world” that one is “a real writer” (or something), then, perhaps, it could it be a relevant problem. But if one’s motivation has mostly to do with one’s own creative power, one’s intrinsic longing for artistic expression, then I don’t see any problem.
On the contrary, for real artists in the writing arena, opening up and letting in other people in long before “the milestone” may serve them very well. Not only is it fun to interact with an appreciative audience, but (some of) their criticism may also help.
A slightly different take on this is simply to think in terms of “deadline” vs. “journey”. Some people are so attached to the idea of a “deadline” (together with the potential for money, fame, etc) that they forget about smelling the roses along the way. I am of the opinion that one must like smelling roses more than deadlines. Much more.
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Really helped !!
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I was not sure if I should talk about it or not. I usually talk about it because I get some new ideas, which never disturb my basic ideas. So it is an enrichment. But it depends on the discussion partners. When I feel that they are too concerned with it and are thinking too much about it, it’s more of a burden, because it is no longer my book. Of course, a lot of time is lost when you talk about it, but I think most of the time is lost in daily life anyway. Most of us have so many other things to do, that heart-projects unfortunately take a long time to realize. But it is important that they are realized!
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But anyway, I would never talk about the whole project. Only about the sections, where I have problems. It can not be betrayed. Otherwise the project is in danger.
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