Jul 30, 2015 / Inspiration

Roundtable: The Scariest Post I Ever Published

Putting yourself out there for the world to judge can feel isolating and scary — but can also be the start of great things.

Photo by <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/colink/13962130023">Colink</a>, (<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en">CC BY-SA 2.0</a>).

Lots of bloggers, old and new, are intimidated by the publish button. Crafting a post is one thing; making it available for the entire world to see and comment on, another. Indeed, fear of the publish button has stopped many a blogger before they even begin.

Think you’re alone in being nervous, and that the rest of us are happily and confidently clicking publish on our perfect, better-than-yours posts? Think again! Heck, I get the jibbles every time I publish something here on The Daily Post — putting yourself out there is, for most of us, an inherently nerve-wracking proposition.

But! When you overcome those nerves and send your creations out into the wild, beautiful things happen. Below, Daily Post writers share some of the posts they were most scared to publish — and what happened when they did.

superman curlMichelle Weber (That’s me!)

Aside from being nervous about this post right now, the piece that gave me the most agita was one I published on one of my personal blogs earlier this year. A friend had just taken her own life, and in grappling with that, I decided to write about my own struggles with depression. While I’ve always been open and willing to share my mental health history, I’d never before spoken publicly about some of the episodes I ended up describing in the post; on top of that, I was terrified that my post would be interpreted as co-opting someone else’s experience to talk about my own. But I felt like the story wanted to be told, so I took a deep breath and clicked the button…

… and then immediately had second thoughts: what kind of judgment was I opening myself up to? As it turned out, none at all. Not only did people appreciate the post for what it was, but I got emails, tweets, text messages, and comments from readers, friends, coworkers, and total strangers thanking me for writing it. It ended up being a cathartic experience that made me more fearless as a writer.

benBen Huberman

Almost a year ago, in the aftermath of the Michael Brown shooting in Ferguson, Missouri, the blogging community (or communities) responded with an outpouring of emotion and pointed debate. Our team decided not to keep mum, thinking we should instead serve as an outlet for some of that energy coming out of the blogs we read every day.

If your post can help even one reader out there work through a difficult time, just write it. It’s worth it.

I ended up writing a roundup of 10 bloggers who reacted to the events in Ferguson. And I was petrified. I live in Canada and I’ve never had to endure racial discrimination. At the same time, St. Louis, a city where I’d lived for a year, was close to my heart, as are issues of social justice more broadly. Do I even have the right to determine which voices matter and which don’t? What if I screw up badly, or offend thousands of readers? (That post was to be published on The WordPress.com Blog, which enjoys a broad readership.)

In the end, I just had to trust my judgment. I’m glad I did: the voices represented in that post mattered then, and still do now. The overwhelmingly positive reaction showed me that it’s fine to touch on sensitive topics, and to stake a measured, thought-out position. If your post can help even one reader out there work through a difficult time, just write it. It’s worth it.

Sara RossoSara Rosso

When a post almost makes you sick to your stomach to publish, you know you’re in the right place.

I just posted something that was really hard to write, and pressing the publish button was the hardest part. The article clocked in at over 2,400 words, but it was one of the faster posts I’ve ever written because the narrative was already inside of me, and one I’d been sharing offline.

But we all know that private conversations or even those had during small gatherings are not the same as publishing to the World Wide Web, aka The Internets, where strangers can find your content and judge or berate you. And this subject — being an independent woman in a relationship — was very troll-ready.

But I thought if I could at least help one other person, it was worth it, and that thinking is at the heart of why I founded my site When I Have Time, where I post information I share with friends and family about technology and running a business. My heart was in this content. So I pressed publish.

So far the response has been great, and I’ve definitely surpassed my goal of helping at least one other person. I was hesitant to press publish, but I’m glad I did. The message, that you can love wholeheartedly and also be responsible about your future, is too important.

andrea badgleyAndrea Badgley

Last year I was part of a group who met once a week to work on the craft of writing. In one session, we explored the collage form. The form gripped me, but only with regards to a specific topic: Lunacy.

When I finished my piece, which took hold of my mind and did not release me for at least a week of obsessed research and writing, I wanted to close my notebook and never look at it again. It was too revealing.

When I thought of publishing it on my blog, my gut reaction was No. Way. Lunacy was unlike anything else I had ever written, much less published. It was obscure and experimental. It made me feel uncomfortably vulnerable. I was proud of it privately, but putting it out in the world was terrifying. I had poured myself into it: what if real writers laughed at my silly attempt? What if nobody got it?

But.

That one person who got it was worth all the fear.

As Sara mentioned above, when you are scared to share, that’s when you know you are at the heart of things. So I published. And not only did writers quietly reach out to tell me, “Me too,” “I know how you feel,” and “I’m glad I’m not the only one,” but something bigger happened. My experimental post moved someone. And not just anyone: my Uncle Syd, a connoisseur of words and the man I credit with introducing me to some of the finest literature I’ve read in my life. He read my post, and it moved him, and he got it, and that one person who got it was worth all the fear.

cheri lucas rowlandsCheri Lucas Rowlands

Three years ago, I wrote a post called “That Thing I Wrote That Wasn’t True,” in which I describe a decision I made, when writing my memoir, that was hurtful — and made me feel dirty. It was the first time I admitted shaping a fact to create conflict in my story, so I was nervous about publishing the post.

While I get personal on my own blog, there are still topics I tiptoe around. I’ve got one reader out there that holds me back: my mother. She’s my biggest fan, but I’m not yet at a point where I can let go. This particular post also brushed over parts of my past that I’d not blogged about publicly, so I was scared about what my mom would think.

When I responded and told her I was afraid she’d be disappointed by stories that show me in a negative light, she cried. In our experiences, we learn and grow, she wrote. I won’t ever forget this exchange.

I still have an email she sent me after this post was published, telling me to “keep up the great writing.” When I responded and told her I was afraid she’d be disappointed by stories that show me in a negative light, she cried. In our experiences, we learn and grow, she wrote. I won’t ever forget this exchange: I realized she supported me and my process of writing.

I continue to swim these blogging waters with trepidation, experimenting with what and how I write, or where this writing lives online. It’s natural to be scared of pressing publish.

—————-

You might be nervous to publish something personal and momentous, or to publish anything at all for public scrutiny. And that’s okay! We all get nervous. Give yourself a pep talk, gird your loins, and click the publish button — giving voice to your story is one of the most powerful and fulfilling things you can do.

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  1. I just started a blog yesterday and while it is meant to eventually(given more content) empower and inspire, the fear of the publish button is real. Happy I came across this though, I have a draft saved that has been ready and I think this just gave me the push I need to go hit that button. Thanks!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We need to sometimes think about why we blog and if it’s something deeply personal and hurtful, what does it mean to reveal to the whole world —-or not.

    It CAN be quite important to tell key family members, close friends and professionals who are helping you in an area that they have expertise, for better understanding / development of relationships and self, but for the rest of us strangers? I’m not convinced as a stranger I care deeply, long term as a faceless stranger on the ‘Net and will always be that stranger on the ‘Net far away 99% of the time. After all, I’m only getting part of the story, and it’s the story that you have chosen to tell. I’m fine with that because it’s a more superficial Internet relationship that I have as blogger/reader. And note: superficial doesn’t mean devious, not meaningful nor not genuine. It’s just not the same personal deep relationship accountability I have to my partner, close friends, family, etc.

    In the end, we should never feel obligated to blog stuff to the whole Internet world, that we keep at least known to family and circle of good, close face-to-face friends.

    If it’s just to drive and get more blog traffic, vs. hurting feelings of loved ones, think about it for a few min. before the catharsis or if it would give an inaccurate light on you if employers/employees read that….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I did push that button for a recent three part piece, a concentrated rendering of my struggles to stay grounded in my spiritual faith throughout cataclysmic events in my life. And even thought it felt right when I was writing and people read the pieces and seemed to appreciate them, I felt…not good. I thought: wasn’t that terribly self-indulgent? Why expose those heartaches once left behind? How can this possibly make a positive difference in others’ lives, really? And why would I want people out there to knowthat much truth as that? My life was once a wreck. Now it is not. So I deleted them all. I need to cultivate a balanced writing method by which to share personal stories that might–just maybe-inspire folks without embarrassing myself with so much vulnerability. Not so easy at times!

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    1. I’m not certain “embarrassed” can always best describe reticence. In the 21st century of social media, there’s seems this tsunami to share, share intimate /deep details. We want the support, cheers from anonymous strangers…then that’s it. They’re gone in a flash of minutes…and you’re left with still your own feelings to muddle through. It only makes one feel good for a very short flash.

      I do agree writing gives clarity but depends who you wish to share it.

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      1. Yes, reticence and embarrassment are quite different, at least in the way I meant. I was not looking for cheers or support–I get that from other places regarding the events i was sharing. I, rather, specifically desired to offer hope to others who struggle with the aftermath of similar experiences as have I. I have a strong pull to inspirational writing, but have not yet honed all the skills well enough for this type of prose. So I keep writing daily, sometimes finding success.-Onward we go, learning as we write! Thanks for your response.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t know. I started my blog to have a place to frolic and play with words– but as I grew closer to the community, and then as Big events started unfolding in my life– every post because the scariest post I’d ever written. Writing the fear of possibly going to jail. Saying goodbye before I went to prison. Explaining that my husband died while I was there. Coming home. All of it.

    But the thing is, it’s as if hitting the publish button makes it all better. It’s written. It’s just.. some-odd-hundred words of something that happened. It’s not scary at all. I think that’s why I stopped, as Cheri calls it, tiptoeing.

    As to judgement, like Michelle worried about… I’ve found little of it. If it’s there at all, it’s drowned out by compassionate readers and (unfortunately) people who share pieces of the same unfortunate stories.

    I loved this post and the ones it referenced!!

    Liked by 4 people

  7. I still feel this every time I see the “Publish” button, thinking that my stories are not worth to read. But after reading this, it will surely lessen my fear. Thanks for sharing this post. ❤

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  8. For me opening my second blog: december18blog.wordpress.com was the most scary thing I ever did. In this blog I share the details of what happened when my marriage ended. Although I have not had an overwhelming response to the posts on this blog the few I have had have encouraged me assuring me that I done a good thing if not for anyone but for myself being able to put to pen and paper what that experience meant to me was in itself liberating.

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  11. As a new blogger, I find my finger hovering over the publish button and then after I press it I go back to the post again to check and edit one more time. All posts are like children and no matter how much we crave feedback, we will always feel precious about them.

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  12. This post shows that good writers are real people too, and that is so encouraging to us “wannabe writers” who know we haven’t just quite got there yet. Its amazing how writing brings out the “real” in anyone who writes. This was very brave, and very encouraging – as “real” always is. Thank you.

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  13. I come from a society where censorship is largely accepted and regulations are put in place to ensure the stability of our nation. Writing a post which appeals to the government (or important officials for that matter) is a daunting task and hitting the publish button like what you’ve aptly said is not easy, and fearful.

    Being a ardent advocate of the arts, I still strongly believe that our society lacks the ability to strike a balance between the arts and the science (by which more emphasis is placed on the latter). However, it would be unfair for me to say that there is bereft of effort. I applaud the government for trying to promote the arts recently. Yet, in writing, I am hoping that there would a democratisation, etc.

    I hope that many would understand and support this cause in making societies (not just mine in particular but many for that matter).

    Thank you.

    The Arts Are Not Just Works of Frivolity

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  14. I’ve been writing a series about my coming out journey, starting with childhood and going into adulthood. The scariest post I ever published was the one about the first time that I went to bed with a woman.

    I feel very passionate about this series and was absolutely appalled when I realized that I had written myself into a corner- I hadn’t intended to write about this when I started the series and it was a bit of a surprise when I realized that I was going to have to. I couldn’t leave out an important part of the story and still be fully honest about my path. Also, it was a natural progression from the things that I’d already written so my readers were expecting it.

    I really didn’t want to though. It was so difficult for me that I actually stopped blogging for a while just to put it off.

    http://lifeandotherthings.org/2015/08/03/coming-out-part-viii-sex/

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  15. I am greatly inspired by this lines in the post – “If your post can help even one reader out there work through a difficult time, just write it. It’s worth it”. And so i’ll just keep on writing and sharing …encouraging myself to press the publish button even when i feel butterflies in my stomach.

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  17. I am always a bit concerned about how people will react to my more personal posts – but I tend to find that the truly heartfelt ones seem to be the most read, most liked, and most commented on. I don’t really like talking about my “feelings” publicly, and am always afraid people will think I am looking for attention – so it’s always a little weird for me. But I also want my blog to have a personal, heartfelt touch to separate it from more generic ones of a similar nature. In March wrote about the emotional roller-coaster that was my life in the year I lost my mother to a very fast and aggressive cancer. Pushing “publish” felt a bit like jumping off a cliff. But I am finding that when I put myself out there with honesty and my heart, I get it back from my community.

    Here’s a link to that post if anyone is interested:

    Surviving Hell

    Anyway, thanks for this post!

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  18. This is probably one of the hardest things for me. I always get nervous about all my posts no matter what it’s about. I have slowly been exploring writing more personal posts because I think they can be therapeutic and also possibly help someone else out.

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  19. I posted a blog this week that made me fearful of how my friends would react. But it was something I had to do and I was prepared for the worst, of people backing off me. But I feel proud. I have done the right thing. And the people who really matter in my life havent backed off me.

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  21. My scariest post were from a two part series I did on my feelings about my mother. I wrote one on her birthday and another on Mother’s Day since they fell about a month apart.

    I was scared to expose something so personal about myself but more than that I was afraid to hurt my mother. I’m not sure whether she reads my blog or not and I thought writing so openly about her might hurt her feelings. It was hard but it was my story so I told it anyway.

    If you want you can check them out here:

    The Complex and Fragile Relationship of Mother and Daughter – Pt. I

    The Complex and Fragile Relationship of Mother and Daughter – Pt. II

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Thank you for this. I wrote one such post about three weeks ago concerning what I would tell my children about gay marriage. I’ve already hit “publish” but I’m still a little anxious.

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  24. Coming across this read was a blessing.

    I’ve been going through some personal struggles in my life and I thought that maybe if I could open up and be vulnerable enough to share my words with other people I could heal my own heart and possibly give insight to others.
    I made my first post last night which left me feeling scared shitless. It was simple, short and not a lot went into it. Since pressing the publish button I’ve had this crippling feeling of judgement but even so, it felt so good to just throw some words out there!
    Thank you for sharing ❤️

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  29. My most feared post to put up was one called Blood. It was one of the shortest, but it admitted something overly personal that I don’t dicuss outside of it.

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  30. I was never into blogging per say… The thought of blogging is like a journal entry to me. I am more into a form of elaborate novel writing. I signed up for WordPress in hopes to attract some attention, but because readers who read and do not continue to the next page aren’t grasping my whole concept. I do not think that WordPress, or a blogging platform was my best choice. A writer is a writer in my book. I am not discrediting the form of writing you chose, although, I know that a blog was not my best choice. Anyone know where I could get more attention on my work?

    By the way, the publish button is my friend.

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