For your writing inspiration this week, explore the questions in your life, what they mean, and how they drive you.
A few months ago, there was a post published on the New York Times that went viral. Friend after friend was sharing this guide “To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This.”
The questions, designed by psychologist Arthur Aron, are also accompanied by staring into your co-questioner’s eyes for four complete minutes. Could you do it?
In the article, the author shares her experience asking 36 questions developed by a psychologist, designed to make any two people to fall in love. The questions go from generic to increasingly intimate, building rapport and making it impossible to “rely on that narrative” we so often tell ourselves and others. As human beings, the desire to connect with other people is often considered a natural instinct. It’s not surprising such an article grew so widely popular.
Regardless of your thoughts on the efficacy of these 36 questions in particular, I can vividly recall a handful of conversations or moments in my life where someone asked me exactly the question that I needed to hear. Sometimes, it was “What are you afraid of?” and others, quite simply, began with “Are you okay?” Whether it’s a stranger, a friend, or a relative, some people are able to see right through our facade and make the most piercing inquiry into our lives.
As inspiration for your next blog post, take some time to call to mind those questions that have been game changers for you. To help get you started, consider these questions for your post about, well, questions:
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
– Rainer Maria Rilke
- Have you ever had a conversation with an insightful stranger, or some shockingly perceptive self-talk, that changed the course of your life? What was it that hit home for you – where were you, and what were you going through? Walk us through the five W’s of your realization.
- Conversely, sometimes the most telling conversations are the ones we haven’t had. If there’s a question you never got to ask someone who was, or is, in your life, imagine what that would have been like. What would have been the end result? What might the dialogue have been like getting there?
- What is the question that drives you? If you’re a writer, developing characters might be about why people do the things they do. As a teacher, it may be wondering how people learn. Whatever your primary focus, what question are you trying to resolve?
- I’ve often come back to the quote by writer Rainer Maria Rilke (to the left) about how to “live the questions.” What questions are you currently asking in your life? What questions have you answered?
As writers, and human beings, questions are the foundation of how we change. Asking questions directly, and responding with intention and honesty, makes all the difference. With this week’s inspiration, take the time to examine your questions and share them with the world. Who knows, you just might ask exactly the right thing your readers need to hear.
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Great post, and a much appreciated prompt. In April I decided to stop writing, mainly because I felt like I kept writing about the same thing, much like writing 50 different poems about an orange (although I wasn’t writing about an orange). I decided to stop until I could feel that urge again towards something new. The past few weeks I have begun to feel that urge again. There is much unsolved in my heart, and these questions are really helpful! Thank you very much. Looking forward to delving deeper.
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It is always good to take a break and contemplate on what you really want in life or what should the exact thing that you wanna focus on…
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Lupita, I hope you are well, just curious, how are you fairing now that you stopped writing for a while to build the urge again? Yes I have read before that sometimes you have to decelerate for you to accelerate but will love to hear your experience. Thank you
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‘ questions are the foundation of how we change’..I loved this line..extremely touching and insightful Erica..well done!!!
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Thank you, I’m glad to hear you enjoyed the post!
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Welcome Erica 🙂
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This is exactly what my entire blog is all about.
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I started reading the 36 questions and immediately felt like I was in a job interview. Maybe because they seem so memorized and one just asks them regardless of context and the two people involved. I do believe as writers we need to always seeking what drives our questions about ourselves, others,and the world around us. So much is hidden deep within us,where language cannot go, we remain a mystery even to ourselves. So even if the person questions sincerely, it may be far from the truth. That is not intimacy on spiritual level.
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Going on a date is like a job interview.
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There are seduction techniques and language patterns that will get someone to feel that they are in love with you…all contra to the 36 questions. Something like that is unnecessary
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Hello, you inspired me to write about the the seduction lairs
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Questions really are a huge foundation. I am a first year teacher and will be alternating between Question of the Week and Quote of the week. They are seventh graders so some of them might take it in one ear and out the other, but I’m hoping to inspire some thought within some of the students. I think it’s a great age to start developing deeper and more insightful thoughts and conversation. Asking the right question can be a big game changer for someone. I appreciate this prompt!
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Thanks for writing this inspiration piece. As a re-budding writer it is a perfect addition to my website postings as well as my personal muses. With gratitude,
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I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or what but before reading this post I posted an excerpt from my journal that tried to answer a question which has always been so difficult for me to answer. The question at hand is the dreaded “Who are you?”. The biggest challenge we face in answering these difficult questions is that we feel we have to explain ourselves to the people asking them. The best thing about writing it as a conversation that has not happened whether it be with yourself or someone else, is that you are brutally honest in your answer(s). Thank you for this post as it will help me in the future when I answer these difficult questions. I love posts which lead to epiphanies.
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Most of my posts too are inspired by such events
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I was just thinking today, this is how life is. Funny you mentioned 36 Questions. I did blog about her. She’s from Vancouver, BC.
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Questions are something we have that are never ending. Everyday we wake up in the morning with questions and they create a foundation to allow learning and growth.
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Thanks so much for this article. I’d definitely love to try it out and see it’s effect on me
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Great post, thank you so much 🙂
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This is so helpful! I think you’re not really friends with someone until you have asked some of those questions. Excellent for deep conversations where we can grow together. Also excellent for writing inspo. Cheers!
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Thouhgt provoking. I think people do ask/answer these questions (or variations) when wanting to feel closer–that is, if you care to find at least a good portion of the truth of someone and yourself.It’s all about b=uilding trust, it seems, and that takes risks, these being somewhat incremental. I do wonder a couple could easily sit that long and ask all questions in
one sitting…I personally would rather be walking with someone part of that time!
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How can I not like this post? Isn’t this simply inspirational?
Questions? Anyone?
Do I sound punny?
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I would encourage all writers to spend a little more time finding out what the Socratic method truly entails, as I believe it is different from, and in some ways more restrictive than, this exercise would suggest by the use of the term Socratic in the title.
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As a trans man–born “female” but reclaiming my male identity–the question of what it means to be a man emotionally, mentally, spiritually, actually drives me. I restarted my blog to document the transition and ponder my thoughts about it all.
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How evocative! Wonderful writing prompts! Thanks!
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Thank you for this, it validates what I do. As a physician, it’s easy to think that I’m supposed to be the one with the answers. Actually I feel the most pride when I can come up with exactly the right question, that leads a patient to his/her own best answer to the health issue at hand. It frees me from having to come up with a customized treatment plan all by myself, and empowers the patient to take charge of his/her own health. We can then move forward as true collaborators and partners. It’s the best part of what I do. 🙂
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You sound like my kind of doctor! Kudos to you for realising that the patient is the key to finding the right treatment.
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i like your post,wait another post. 🙂
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As a writer, I often have my characters question each other. Sometimes I have them meet in a Starbucks and just chat before a story even begins. you never know what you’ll learn when you just let them go.
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I love posts about writing. This really helps me out. I just really like blogging, and never asked myself until now why I do it.
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Excellent article. Food for thought and writing!
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这个图很好!good!
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This article helps to highlight the importance 0f questions in changing our perspectives.
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I just created my blog, and this is the essence of it! I simply want to pose deep, thoughtful, insightful questions about personal life or social issues and have fair, honest discussions with people. Collaboration
brings great change..
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I’m so excited to be back and participating again, yay! Thanks for the prompt… it was the push I needed.
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Erica this is a fantastic piece.
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Thank you!
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I question myself daily and answer myself in a journal I keep. At times it’s amazing to read back to different moments and see if I’ve changed or stayed the same.
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