Apr 1, 2015 / Inspiration

See Yourself Through a Different Set of Eyes

“But enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?”
— Bette Middler as CC Bloom in Beaches, 1988.

As bloggers, we’re constantly defining ourselves to our readers. Through our photos, our stories, our poetry, our recipes, or our podcasts, we tell the world who we are. Even those of us who share a great deal of our personal lives still only give snippets of ourselves. We create a public persona (even our choices of blog themes reflect the way we want to represent ourselves online). We choose what we want to share of ourselves, and our readers fill in the rest according to their own points of view. Every reader might have a slightly different idea of who you truly are.

I’ve been thinking about how this applies to my daily life. I have an unconscious habit of creating stories about people I see, but whom I only know in “snippets.” The barista at my local coffee shop, the surly bus driver who never smiles at me no matter how much I try, the harried doctor’s assistant who has the most ornate manicure I’ve ever seen. Without realizing I’ve done it, I’ve developed backstories for them all:

  • The barista always has a bright smile on her face, and she seems to know all the words to all the songs played in the cafe. I think she’s newly in love and she can barely keep her feet on the ground in her euphoria.
  • The bus driver always looks grim, his uniform is disheveled, and he always has 5 o’clock shadow at 8 a.m. I feel like he’s been kicked out of his house. He’s sleeping on a buddy’s couch, and he misses his kids…he emits an aura of loneliness.
  • The doctor’s assistant has a hard time taking my blood pressure because of her nails. Her scrubs are unlike any other employee’s in the office — patterned, and bright. She wears gold and white bedazzled sneakers. I’ve decided she is practicing her act for America’s Got Talent. She cannot wait to bust out of her day job and be a star.

Without consciously choosing to do so, I’ve built backstories for all them based on observation, assumption, and projection. While the stories ring true to me, I could be completely off-base. The bus driver might just be a surly dude who hates to shave, for instance.

This has me wondering — who am I through their eyes?

They only see bits and pieces of me: I carry an extra large travel mug of tea wherever I go, I’m always plugged in to my iPod. I listen to comedy podcasts which make me shriek with laughter…of course, nobody else knows what I’m laughing at, so I might look unhinged. I seem to have accumulated a lot of T-shirts that display cats wearing glasses, and I don them for my walks. I stop and take pictures of things and people that I find amusing. The music at Trader Joe’s makes me dance in the aisles…much to the chagrin of my husband. 

What is my backstory in the mind of the cashier at TJs? Does he wonder how much baby zucchini a human can consume during the week? (Answer: A LOT.) Does he know I have a tendency to hide behind my sunglasses indoors because a) they’re prescription and I usually forget my regular glasses, and b) I’m pretty shy. Or…does he think I’m aloof, and trying to give off a cool vibe?

Have you ever tried to tell your story through another’s Point of View?

How do your kids see you as you try to rush them off for school? What does the pharmacist think when you try to convince him that you lost your newly refilled prescription for painkillers and need another? How about your speed “dates” who have noticed you sweat more and more every time the bell rings? Who are you to outsiders?

This might be something you can reflect on in a post…or maybe you can get creative and present yourself through writing or photography as if from another’s POV. I once had a creative writing assignment in college for which I had to write my obituary based on the view point of an editor who was only given 5 objects that represented my entire life. It was an interesting assignment that called for self-reflection, self-awareness, and at the same time, the ability to step out of my own skin and see myself from the outside.

“Be sure that whatever you are is you.”

―Theodore Roethke

I’m interested to see what you come up with…and to hear if it changes the way you represent yourself to your readers in the future.

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  1. Ii guess we are the same, I don’t have friends where I live I so I don’t really know who thinks what of me and I wish I knew. but then, I have a lot written done about them in my head, its funny how this works. this was a very nice read. thanx!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Changing persona doesn’t necessarily involve changing personality. I began wearing dark glasses (due to light sensitivity) in my 20’s. My children grew up with a mother who never took her dark glasses off except to clean them or go to sleep. When soft contact lenses came in, with the ability to correct astigmatism, I tried wearing them. My children hated it. They said they didn’t recognize me (as if I were now another person). Unfortunately, I was unable to wear them (due to dry eyes and other problems. My children were relieved when they had their mom back. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wonderful and inspiring post. I hope to give it a try on my blog soon. I had to laugh because I was dancing with my 15-year-old daughter in an aisle at Trader Joe’s the other day. The music was irresistible and my daughter is pretty awesome!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. When I look at my adorable dog. I see in his eyes that I am the most beautiful person on this earth. Tail wagging as I approach and a roll over for a belly scratch. When he is scared he runs right to me to protect and reassure him with my voice full of love for him. My youngest son is 13 he sees me as a person who is in touch with nature and the universe. But I have no sense of style. “Change that shirt mom, you look like you are going to work, not dinner with dad”. He often refers to me as an old hippie because I like going to rock concerts. I tell him “53 isn’t old, just middle aged”. My older son is 20, we have a deeper kind of relationship. We have been through a lot together. The loss of very important people in our family. Things involving cancer treatments and watching loved ones die a very slow painful way. So I think in his eyes I am a very strong person who can take on the hardest of things that life can throw at you. I however don’t agree, I cry at the drop of a hat. He comes to me when he needs woman advice and takes it most of the time so, I guess he respects my opinion on things involving being a woman. To my husband of 22 years, I’m not so strong. I don’t stand up for myself when it’s required. And I frustrate the hell out of him when I let people hurt me to my core. He loves me this I am sure of. When I am with him out and doing things I make him laugh, so he must think I am funny. I must be doing something right we are still going strong after a lot of troubling times ups and downs.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I enjoyed this a lot, its well written. I think if someone else were to tell my story, the story would change completely based on whoever was telling it, and that includes how we ourselves tell the story of them telling our story. If that makes sense. :p I’m a writer as well, I do the same things in daily life (writing stories about everything in my head). Perhaps others see the best in me…. perhaps they see the worst. Something seems ironic about me deciding that. Anyways, blessings friend and thank you for sharing. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Good write up. I guess you cant fully know what people (close family members and friends included) think of you and you also can not know people 100%. You only know what they decide to show you. Sometimes I get curious.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. This is a very interesting and helpful prompt, especially for those who are just beginning their personal blogs.
    I’ve always wondered about the intersectionalities of the virtual “avatar” in relation to the physical self and how I can compensate for either on my blog, finding that nice middle ground. With that comes the question of self-perception and the reader’s perception of you. Lots of space for exploration here .

    Liked by 3 people

  12. I love this! I worked in retail for years and would make up stories about customers especially ones who came in for the same thing all the time or who would buy absurd quantities of a product, like the guy who came in to buy giant packs of photo paper almost every week.
    He was always in a terrible mood. Most likely he was just a photographer selling his prints but it was fun to speculate outlandish stories like he was putting together a giant photo collage of himself.
    I often wonder how people see me and my story so this could be fun to write about in a post. Great inspiration! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  17. This is very similar to a video I saw on youtube the other day. It’s called by ‘thisbedottie’. She sais people are the screens and you are the projector. You can decide if you want to be a happy or a sad projector. She thinks you can decide how you see other people, depending on your mood.

    Liked by 4 people

  18. Interesting. One more way to present a story. I love abstracts – 2n/d3rd person point of view works gr8. But, commenting about onesself? – could be fun or scarry. Lets get into others shoes – to see ourself

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Just to add fuel to the reflection time,have you heard of Johari’s Window ?
    1. How I see myself. 2. How other’s see me. 3. How I think other’s see me. 4. What other’s see that I don’t see about myself – my blind spots.
    It’s good to stop and reflect to keep it real. Loved this post, you write so well, so easy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Carol, I’ve never heard of Johari’s Window before! Thank you so much for the tidbit. I started researching it, and will look into it further. Awesome 🙂

      (And thanks for the kind words about the post.)

      Like

  25. I think we are a lot of things to a lot of people depending who is viewing. I think also that there is no accurate description of ones self because we constantly grow and evolved. Even those who are closest and dearest to us might have different pictures of who we are than the ones we think ourselves. I do believe that if there is someone who knows us better than anyone it is ourselves.

    Me, for example: People often think I am super-strong, confident, assertive and dominant. Nothing can be more further from the truth for I have low-self esteem and very, very shy. I want to crawl under the carpet when entering a room full of people and I hate confrontation. But most often make a mistake by thinking I am extrovert. God I hate crowds and I hate being with people. They drain my energy and I need few weeks to recuperate.

    My mentor and our coordinator when I was studying once told me that whenever she had a scheduled meeting with me, she always prepared herself the day before mentally, and she literally holding the edge of her desk the moment I am about to come in for the fear of being blown away.

    It saddened me. Reminds me of A CO in the navy, the father of the child I always baby-sit during school holidays who told me when I was fifteen that I have a very strong commanding power. Till the day of today, things like that about me I don’t understand. Those assumptions are very far from who I am and what I think of myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Funny — I can relate — people think I’m an extrovert, but in all honesty, I’m PAINFULLY shy. Especially around new people. I can put on a good game face, but inside, I’m a ball of anxiety.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah. Carrying good conversations simply because you believe that if you decide to do things, do the best you can or otherwise don’t do it at all, and people think you’re the life of the party.

        Liked by 1 person

  26. I have assumed back stories, while waiting at the license branch for my turn. I sent an article to the Indy Star on how many floor tiles & ceiling tiles were in the building. It was also about how the service had improved.

    Liked by 3 people

  27. Great post! The thing I find more and more about myself is that there is a great chasm between how I view myself, how I think people view me, and how others actually describe me. It’s hard at times to say which of the first two is a harsher reality in my mind, but there have been lots of sappy videos to suggest that we don’t always see our own best sides (no pick me up like reading a letter of recommendation someone wrote for you) and lots of life experience for me to say whatever you think you are hiding–everyone has seen and they are so over it. Reminds me a Cider House Rules quote about young people thinking they have something to hide from those that love them… but I digress. Such an interesting idea! It would be fun if all the About Mes were suddenly written by someone who knew us well.

    Liked by 3 people

  28. This is SOOO good! I loved this on every level. I touched on this towards the end of my piece Bob, Barbra & Black Gospel http://wp.me/p5ySTq-1R. Neat perspective on not knowing what or who we’re missing out on because we’ve already decided who they are…

    Again… Loved this times a million☺️

    e

    Liked by 2 people

  29. Ahhhh! What a great article to contemplate. I totally agree with you. I tend to judge people based off of what I think that I know about them. It’s a very bad habit that I am working on because I have a habit of making my perception a reality yet I hate it when people do the same to me. Your article opens my eyes, helps me release my fear, and gives me the push to start a new habit.

    Liked by 3 people

  30. You gave me some great food-for-thought from this article. I make up stories about random people that I see every single day! It’s interesting to turn it around on myself, and also makes me realize the times that I may have been having a bad day and didn’t come off as a very great person. Thanks for the thoughts!

    Liked by 3 people