In his post on turning 40, Sean P. Carlin writes: “The definition of friendship has become muddled in a digital world where ‘friends’ are made every day through the mindless, mostly passive act of clicking ‘Accept’ on our social-media platforms.” The ways we meet, interact, and communicate with friends, new and old, are shifting. Today, what does friend mean to you?
To celebrate International Day of Friendship on July 30, here are five different takes on friendship.
The value of old friends
What a gift to talk about the past, with someone who knew me in a way that no one I met afterwards could ever know me. Long forgotten memories surfaced as we visited our old school together and roamed the streets we knew so well. We gave each other insights that made us more complete, pieces of understanding that connect our adult personality and ways of being with the distant life of childhood and adolescence.
— Annette, “The Preciousness of Friendship”
On politics: disagree then disconnect?
Sometimes a person’s politics are so explosive and divisive that it seems they only want to watch the world burn (or as it’s said, it’s a zero-sum game). There really are people who cannot be engaged with, no matter how gracious we approach. But unlike the terrible circus we see online, on Twitter or Facebook or Tumblr, most people are way more three-dimensional than that. It’s only ever a last, last, last resort that I would ever break off a friendship because of politics.
— J.S. Park, “When Do Politics Decide Friendship?”
The dynamics of female friendships
I accepted that I’d see some of my close friends less and less because they opted to befriend other mothers — complements to the lives and the struggles they endured, others who “understood” where they were at a specific time in their lives. Still, I invested heavily. I nurtured a married friend through her bought with depression and her desire to divorce the man she’d just married. I took the late-night calls and the last-minute lunches from friends who needed me. I was the wall that would never crumble; I was the friend everyone could count on.
Until I could count on no one.
— Felicia, “What the Market Will Bear: The Long Game of Female Friendships”
The excuses we say over and over again
But hey, (fill in name of friend), listen. You should know that despite how bad I’ve been at keeping in touch, I’m totally (stalking you on Instagram/following your exploits on Facebook/relying on what my mom tells me). But it’s nice to get a (letter/email/social media comment longer than 140 characters) sometimes, isn’t it? Despite my (radio silence/passive aggressive comments/emoji reduction correspondence) I do think of you often and wonder how everyone’s doing.
— Dina Honour, “Sorry I’ve Been A Shitty Friend: A Multiple Choice Form Letter”
Above all, empathy is essential
All of this is a long way of saying that sometimes the best empathy we can offer, and the best help we can offer, is not the assumption that we can fix anything. Sometimes the best love we can give is just a good night at work, is just to befriend this other person, or to laugh when one of us gets their tie stuck in a laminator, or to joke about another horrible customer.
— Tim Miller, “On Friendship”
What’s your definition of friend? How has the meaning of friendship evolved over time for you?
For me friendship is a feeling of being understood by someone without explaining stuffs, the feeling of knowing that there is someone you can count on every time. 🙂
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well said ..so many times friendships diminish because one is married or in a relationship and the other isn’t .. true friendship is when you find time between each other crazy schedule to re connect ..Its not seeing each other for months but picking up the phone and making time for each other its sending a txt or a message letting you know that thou I’ve been busy I’m thinking about you and want to get together ,its finally connecting and seeming like we talk everyday .
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For me the defination of friendship is when you can understand well to each other, by accepting all the positive and negative empathy. In our life there we meet a lot of people but sometimes we should ask ourselves that does it make any sense to be a friend of someone who don’t even bother about your existence in his/her life. We all have faced these kind of issues in our school life like the one we think he/she is our actual friend but actually not and hence this we got to know when it’s quite late for our emotions to be controlled. Friends play a crucial role in our life but also it has to be a strong and genuine one or else we can loose our own emotions..!! So it’s better to give all your positive and true contribution to your friendship to know each other the best
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Only about a tenth of my friends have been friends by your definition, which is why I often distinguish between “friends” and “Friends.”
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According to me Friendship is the most beautiful thing in the world..
Over time relationship changes..bond breaks… demands changes…but Friendship remains forever..no matter how far you are…it stays with you till your death…
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There’s a line from one of my favorite horror movies, Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula, in which the Count says, “The luckiest man who walks on this earth is the one who finds — true love.” In my experience, the luckiest man who walks on this earth is the one who finds true friendship. I’ve been luckier than most in that respect. Thank you, Cheri, for featuring an excerpt from “This Is 40.”
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Friendship is a bond. True friendship is an unbreakable bond, despite and against all odds. It is platonic love between two souls. The internet and social media are merely an excuse, true friendships were always sparse. Understanding and acceptance, the unique feeling that your universe is shared and mischiefs are first on the to do list…
My definition, so to speak, did not evolve over the time. We had letters and pens before, we have instant chats now XD
Its a great idea to rise awareness about friendship, Cheri !
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Friends come and go … the right ones stay at the right time …. In the end, though, it’s all about being true to yourself.
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I’m just start sharing my first blogpost, and i’ll be very appreciate for some motivation 💕💕
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A friend to me is a companion, someone I can rely on in most situations ( usually when I need them the most). However, I don’t expect a friend to be a ‘ride or die’. I don’t expect anything extreme (…maybe it’s because I haven’t had that large of a bond with a person before). As friends, I expect, simply, that we devote time to enjoy/appreciate each others company.
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Friends are a great gift.
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I like to think of friends as the family you choose. It sounds cliche, I know, but a support system that I can turn to when I am in need of advice or help is one of the greatest Gifts I have ever received. I think we all have this need to feel understood, like we belong somewhere. Friendship offers just that and so much more. To me, friendship is a place of safety, of acceptance and love.
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It’s strange how we can be attached to some particular persons, even when they are far, far away from us; it’s strange how not talking to someone can reflect on our mood and days. Relationships can do strange things to us.
I am feeling something awkward these two days when I couldn’t contact her, like I have been hiding something very important inside of me, like I am walking with a very big secret.
I don’t have a secret, and I am not carrying anything special, but I have a lot to tell her, a lot to talk about.
Your soul sister can be a man, a woman, or just a spirit that could touch the light in your heart, someone who could find you in the darkest moment, who could turn your pain into art, your evil into one of your best qualities, someone who could see the good in you and someone who could show you how important you are.
She is my friend and sister, she is the one who believed in me and supported me.
She is one of those persons that you meet rarely in your life.
And I miss her 😥
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Beautiful work❣️Thanks for sharing.
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A friend to me is someone I can open up my heart to without feeling ashamed or without the fear of being judged. Someone that I can laugh with and do crazy things with. Someone that comes to my mind when I need to cry …Someone I love and adore.
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Lovely excerpts! They reflect the essence of friendship. I personally agree with Dina Honour that even though friendship and keeping in touch is more facilitated than ever, we still struggle to keep in touch and are more passive in maintaining our friendships. So nowadays I believe a friend is someone who is able to empathize with you, who is willing to listen to you, even after a dry spell.
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I find my closest friends are the ones I made in childhood. The ones I went on endless bike rides with and explored every square inch of the little town that I grew up in. Definently, the best part of a friendship is having fun but also being able to share in the tough times too.
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according to me the less you associate with some people the more your life would improve ,some Friends strengthen your vision some choke your dreams,friends that don’t want you to move on in life would want you to remain where they are ,never make someone your pirioty when you are an option to them,never collect counsels from unproductive people,never tell your problems to someone who is incapable of contriviting to a solution because unsuccessful people are always the first to tell you how,with some friends you spend an evening with others you invest it,in prosperity your friends know you but in advacity you know your friends thanks
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friendship is all about connection…….sadly, alot of people dont know what their connection is or why they are connecting
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As it happens I wrote about this theme, for International Friendship Day, today! Was delighted to see you’d written about the very same. How fun! https://naamayehuda.com/2017/07/30/what-is-friendship/
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So many different and heartfelt comments. One thing is sure – friendship is the bread of living.
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This was a good read! I loved all the definitions of friendship. It’s so great to know you have friends there for you. True friends should be treasured as they don’t always come around that easily !
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Beautiful words, which describe the sad truth… Everything is going to be superficial and insignificant… Come on guys, we are better than that! 🙂
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For me, friendship is like a wonderful work of art. It appreciates more over time. Its familiarity is comforting, and also brings great joy. It can be present in times of reminiscing and reflection, along with sorrow and longing. It’s always there to remind me that, despite the ever-changing world, it stays steadfast in its ability to remain a constant in my life. That’s how I see friendship! 🙂
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Someone to depend on. Even when there has been a gap, the two or three can pick-up where they left off. As though there was no space in time.
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very endearing!
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This is amazing
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I love this- such beautiful words on such a beautiful (and important) topic.
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Amazing 🙂
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Very nice way to state importance of friendship in life
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This is beautiful!
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JUST LOVELY!
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Friendship to me is an outwardly expression of loyalty. Are they actively listening to your words, not always pouring off into you? I have had those friends. A true friend will share the truth in love and will let you know the “toilet paper” is stuck to your shoe. As friends we value and challenge one another to grow, be more. There is always a steady flow. Whether your in the same town are miles away, it’s like you can sense when it is time to connect. You can talk and laugh for hours, although it seems like minutes.
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I would call your “friends” my “Friends,” because most friends are just “friends,” who we hang out with because it’s fun. It’s a sliding scale, really.
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It says many things about my friendship experiences. Perfect!
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All of this is truly interesting to read – really eye opening as to what different people think.
p.s. nice blog. I dig this.
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This is so sweet, really puts a smile on your face when reading it
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Love is the greatest virtues of life
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I think the most difficult thing about friendship is that we think it will last forever, especially with those whom we have classified as “close/best freinds.”
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I think as we live in an increasingly mobile society, we need to accept that friendships are temporary and tenuous, or we will keep putting more expectations on each other than we can really handle. When I lived in China, I would lose a third of my friends every year because they would graduate college and return to their home town, or go abroad to study, or move for work. We didn’t cease liking each other, we would be happy to see each other, but that is just the nature of the modern world. And I always made new friends. Making friends has always been rather easy for me.
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Lovely. Brought back so many sweet memories.
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This was great. I have a hard time making friends just because I am more reserved, but I’m hoping the blogging world will give me a good community of blogging friends! Thanks for the post!
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