Barb Knowles is the wit and wonder behind Sane Teachers, a blog about family, teaching, and being in recovery. Last year, Barb achieved an impressive milestone: she celebrated 31 years of sobriety on October 5th, 2016. We spoke to Barb about her story — how she discovered she was an alcoholic, how she got sober, what keeps her in recovery, and a bit about the sobriety community of WordPress.com.
Read “Once Upon an Alcoholic,” the post in which Barb shares more about her sobriety journey on marking 31 years sober.
You marked 31 years of sobriety on October 5th, 2016 — what’s helped you stay sober?
The most important thing has been not to drink. I have made decisions in my adult life, in sobriety, that were not good decisions. But I didn’t drink. I went to 12-step meetings and listened and didn’t drink. I surrounded myself with sober people and didn’t drink. As I had more “time” in sobriety, I could help others which always helped me. And I didn’t drink.
What made you decide to call Alcoholics Anonymous all those years ago?
For many years, I worried that my drinking was out of control, that I was acting like my family, that I didn’t know what I did in a blackout. And when those thoughts crossed my mind, I could immediately justify my behavior or push those thoughts to the back of my mind and refuse to think about them. No, my drinking wasn’t out of control. Everyone drinks like I do. My family members drink more than I do. I don’t do bad things when I drink. I can control my drinking. Everyone blacks out and I just have to be careful not to drink that much again.
There came a point where I knew I needed help. Knowing that — and fighting against it — was such a hard battle. After beginning to realize my life had spun out of control, it took a couple of years to get up my nerve and call a 12-step program.
I had a “Fab Four” that gave me the strength to seek help. God, my mom, Phil Donahue, and Grace Slick. My mother, who, while I finally realize now was doing the best that she was capable of, showed me how I didn’t want to be. Almost a reverse role model. I’m indebted to her for trying her best. By being aware of her example, I was able to stop before I lost everything.
About a week before I called AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), I was watching the Phil Donahue show. He had four celebrities on who were in recovery. I couldn’t believe it. Grace Slick — my favorite singer-songwriter from Jefferson Starship and Jefferson Airplane — was on the show. I LOVED Grace Slick and she was so open about her addiction to alcohol and drugs that I thought that if she could get clean with her celebrity lifestyle, then I certainly could from my kitchen. I remember looking up at the ceiling and saying out loud, “Ok God, I get it, I get it!” I strongly felt that God put me in front of this show to hear Grace Slick’s story, and that God had brought me to the place where I was ready to admit I was powerless over alcohol.
After beginning to realize my life had spun out of control, it took a couple of years to get up my nerve and call a 12-step program.
I got sober for my children. I didn’t think I was worth saving. I didn’t love myself. But they definitely were worth having a mother who was strong and healthy. They were worth everything I could give. And I could not do that drinking. The last night that I drank, October 5, 1985, my left leg was numb as I climbed the stairs to bed. My mother was already invalided from massive strokes caused in part by alcoholism. That was the last straw for me. I was afraid that was happening to me. I did not want to get to the point of no return.
In your family, drinkers were considered “normal” (while nondrinkers were thought odd). You relate that they were less than supportive of your sobriety — how have things changed over the years?
One of my family members stopped drinking a couple of years after I did. So, obviously, we were supportive of each other. My father thought I was crazy, and would apologize for me to other people. For example, if we were in a social situation and I was offered a drink by a friend of theirs, my father would apologize, in a joking manner, that I was crazy and didn’t drink anymore.
I would let him drink if he came to my house, but he had to supply his own liquor and take it with him when he left. I wouldn’t have it in my house. He thought that was very rude of me. My mother was so affected by her strokes that I don’t think it mattered to her one way or another.
But my children (who don’t even remember me drinking because they were very small and my youngest had not been born yet), are proud of me and are a constant reminder that I did the right thing for myself and for them. And for the three grandchildren I have now.
Alcoholism is a selfish member of a family and affects each member of a family. The roots try to take hold again and again, but we must be vigilant.
Sobriety is also selfish, as it must be to keep the pull of addiction at bay.
Sobriety becomes that which we hold dear and celebrate with all the selfishness we can. And with our loving need to remain sober for ourselves and our families, we use our experiences to share with and help others to focus their selfish need for sobriety.
–Barb Knowles, “Alcoholism Is A Selfish Member Of A Family”
On WordPress.com, there’s a community of bloggers who write regularly on addiction and recovery. Can you share your favorites?
Em (not her real name) started blogging about her journeys as an “anonymous sober blogger” at OKAYISHNESS in July of 2016. She shares her trials and tribulations of getting sober and dealing with life in general, without alcohol. The how of getting sober for her was very different from my journey. But what we face in life, or perhaps how we face life, is very similar.
One Bottle One Glass is a blog I’ve just discovered. This blogger also has very young children, as I did, and was about the same age as I was when she made her decision to stop drinking. She also writes about relatable issues that can make me laugh out loud because I know exactly what she’s talking about, as well as make me pensive at times.
Why is the community so important?
The sobriety blogs I read now (and some I’ve just started to actually follow) are by bloggers newer to sobriety. And it reminds me why I chose to stop drinking. Reading their blogs also helps me to continue in sobriety. Hopefully my comments and those of other recovering alcoholics also helps them. Whether you are sober one month or 31 years, many life issues, problems, and joys are the same. It’s how we react to them that keeps us healthy. There are people in the blogging community who understand exactly what we are going through. It’s incredibly supportive and reassuring.
To learn more about Barb, follow her at Sane Teachers.
I love Barb! Her blog is one of my favorites!
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Congrats on your sobriety! God bless.
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Thank you very much! One day at a time…..
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Very touching read
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Thank you. I appreciate that you took the time and were interested in reading it. 🙂
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Inspiring ! Thank you for sharing
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And thank you for reading!
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Fair play keep up the good work, form Brendan in the land of the little people.
Big day for us tomorrow in Ireland with St Patrick’s day.
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And here as well. My family is from County Cork. Back in the day.
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Well Happy Paddys Day
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Wonderful interview, Barb! So honest and inspiring.
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Thank you, Carrie! Double thank you!
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Very nice interview I feel like we know you more and it’s so touching!!
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That’s a lovely thing to say…..thank you so much
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Welcome, it’s me who thanks you!
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Brilliant. A great, honest interview. Thank you
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Thank you for the wonderful compliment, but most of all for reading this interview 🙂
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Incredible example… ODAAT! God bless.
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Keep on keepin’ on!
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Great interview, Barb! Your story is very inspiring.
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Thank you ❤ And I always love reading your blog, as you know.
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So nice, keep up and God will bless you
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Thank you so much. It’s a lovely thought and I hope for any blessings.
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welcome
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This is beautiful. I’m saving it to show to someone I care deeply about. Thank you for being so open and honest.
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Wanting to show this/share this with someone else is the biggest compliment I can get. Thank you so much and I hope that you have found some hope. One day at a time!
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Wow, I was mesmerized by this story. Thank you for sharing, Barb!
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Thank you for reading it! And, especially, for commenting.
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Thank you for sharing your personal experience with drinking and alcoholism. I have almost 5 years clean and sober, on 7/11/17 I will have 5 years. It’s gone by quickly as my life has gotten so much better due to my hard work in AA and the 12-step programs. It’s nice to hear of someone who has gone through a similar journey and stayed sober for 31 years. That gives me hope that one day I will be able to say I have more than a decade of sobriety. Very inspiring story indeed. I like how you set it up as an interview style it made it seem more enthralling and personable. If you would follow me or check out my blog I would greatly appreciate it. Either way thank you for your inspirational writings. -bel
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Thank you and congratulations! Just fyi, it really was an interview. I did it the way you are doing it. One day at a time. I’m glad you see hope when you hear my story, but I see hope when I read yours as well.
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Wonderful to see Barb interviewed here!
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It is ecstatically wonderful to be interviewed here! Thank you for sharing your wonderful blog stories with me. There have been so many times where you have made my day!
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Great interview! Great Lady!
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Why thank you!
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Congratulations on 31 years, such a truly amazing story. HP is so key!
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I can’t wait to tell my friend about this comment. He has been sober for many, many years but where he lives and goes to meetings, no one says HP. And I always do, lol. I mean that no one uses the abbreviation HP. Thank you and you are right that HP is the key! As is One Day At A Time. Thank you for your comment!
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Glad I saw your reply tonite before I go to sleep, very nice!
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As a granddaughter of an alcoholic and spending almost twenty years of marriage with one; this leaves a huge impression on my heart! Alcoholism is a very difficult demon to battle and to see someone slay the dragon for so long, makes me hopeful for loved ones.
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Thank you. It sounds like you should be hopeful for yourself, as well. I hope you have a support system. I think if I had had one as a child things might have been different for me. I know I’m pushing my own stuff here, but you might find “Aloholism is a Selfish Member of a Family” hits a chord. Krista put the link to that article/post above in this interview. That’s really about the affect on the whole family. I really appreciate this comment. Thank you for your insight.
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Al-Anon has been helpful! I was in Alateen growing up and tons of counseling. I am definitely heading over to the other article, thank you!
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Part of my story is that my high school had an assembly one day with someone from Al-Anon. I don’t think they had Alateen then. Other kids were walking up to get info or talk to the woman from Alanon. I started to walk up and then saw someone look at my so I stopped and changed direction. That is one moment in my life I wish I could change.
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Well it is always hard to share our struggles especially in the teen years because we’re afraid or embarrassed. I was fortunate to have three friends in Middle School that had someone in their families struggling with alcoholism. We all went to meetings together, and counseling.
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You are 100% right. I’m glad you had friends with whom you could share this journey of pain and joy.
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if you can imagine it you can achieve good luck
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That’s very true! Thank you.
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Barb, it’s truly a pleasure to get to know you. Your candid and honest depiction of living beyond the bottle is inspiring. And your blog is a fun part of my regular WordPress reader routine. It’s no surprise that WordPress highlighted you with this interview. Congratulations on so many levels.
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That’s high praise…thank you, Gabe! Your blog is also part of my regular blogs-I-always-read repertoire. A marvelous thing about WordPress is that we find people and stories that are interesting to us, and then as we keep reading, it’s like peeling the layers of an onion back to discover even more interesting angles and planes to discover in that story. Thank you again. ❤
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what an awesome inspiring account. had a bad experience with my sponsor,25 years she said. and you changed my opinion, wonderful new view you gave me
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I’m not sure exactly what your sponsor said or could have meant. Unless I’m reading your comment wrong. In my experience, it’s important to have a good relationship with your sponsor. If it isn’t working, then you need a different person. I just keep not drinking, and keep listening to sober people. So far, so good. I wish you the very best of luck and happiness. And I thank you for your compliment. 🙂
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Beautiful story God has a plan for your life. This story can touch many people life’s so they can know that with the Lord’s help they can be delivered when they admit that they have a problem and need his help.
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Thank you! I, too, believe that God has a plan for us. I write because it helps me. If my story helps others then that is a blessing beyond my dreams. Your words are very kind. Thank you.
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😀 you’re welcome.
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I would surmise that for the same reason they tell you not to be alone during a divorce or separation is a similar reason community support for any substance abuse is so important. I have known many people who suffer from substance abuse and it takes it’s toll. That’s truly amazing, 31 years is a wonderful sound. I pray for continued success, and 20 years more. God Bless.
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Thank you. i learned when people I was close to went back out and drank after 20, 21,22 years not to ever take my sobriety lightly or for granted. Thank you for your prayers and you are spot on about how vital a support system is. But I’m not focusing on next year or the next 5 years. Just on today. That’s how it works for me. One day at a time. Thanks again 🙂
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Congratulations!!! So very proud of you. Continue to press forward doing amazing things.
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Thank you! And may your life be as peaceful as can be and your blog name hold true 24/7. 🙂
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Thank you!
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Appreciable efforts .You have set a role model for other people who have difficulty in getting rid of alcoholism 🙂 Keep it up 🙂
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I appreciate your comment 🙂 Alcoholism, though, isn’t something you can get rid of. I will always be an alcoholic, but hopefully I will continue to be a recovering alcoholic. It would be awesome if I could be a role model for someone. Thank you for your encouragement!
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Congrats!!!
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Thank you!
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Congratulations on your milestone Barb, on so many levels!
Your story is so inspiring🌺
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Thank you! I am very appreciative of your comment and your support 🙂
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This was a very thought provoking post. I wish Barb all the best in her continuing Sobrity journey.
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Thank you for your kind words. May you find peace and happiness in your personal journey as well.
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At the end of day, it all come to confidence. I too had a huge issue with alcohol, i drink less but i still drink to be someone i can’t be sober… It impacted my result personally and professionally in the past. That’s why seeing your effort gives hope to many of us. Keep up the good work!
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Thank you. I know that I can’t drink at all. I can’t do anything, really, in moderation. I have a good job as a teacher, healthy children and more peace in my life than I could ever have had drinking. I hope that you find the strength to do whatever you think is right for you. Sober, you can be the person you want to be. Thank you so much for your comment.
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Thank you as well ☺
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Congrats on 31 years sober I almost got 2 years it tuff at times but I wont go back to that lifestyle I’m new to wordpress and just getting some ideas to manage my time and typing would be a great new hobbie along with my other hobies
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Thank you! Lissy Verghese
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🙂
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Wow, 2 years is great. Congratulations! And, as you know, it’s all about changing routines and making good lifestyle choices. Writing is a great way to make a difference in your life. I love blogging and don’t see ever stopping. Good luck to you!
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To acknowledge one’s problem area and accepting it is a very first step to recovery.Great inspiring and empowering read.thanks for sharing your story shows how brave and courageous you are .
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Thank you. I don’t think I’m brave or courageous, though. I just wanted to survive for my kids. It took some doing. It’s probably more accurate to say I’m stubborn, lol.
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Beautiful story! Amazing article!
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Thank you! I appreciate your reading it 🙂
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Thank you, Barb Knowles. NOT drinking alcohol is certainly the requirement of Sobriety. I suppose there are many paths one can go on from there. Still, the focus is a better life; a positive outcome.
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True, there are many facets to living a sober life. But no matter what happens, one cannot drink. If a person trying to stay sober does drink, then at best, they are back to square one. At worst, they could die. Changing attitudes, changing habits, replacing those with positive things and surrounding yourself with sober people and a belief in a higher power have worked for me and continue to do so. And have worked for many people I hold dear. Thank you so much for reading this and commenting.
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What a coincidence that I just now read this post.
on March 24 2017 it is exactly 18 years that I’ve stopped drinking alcohol.
I have done this through the 12 steps of AA and have issued yesterday a witness.
In any case, congratulations and I’m going to save your story and one of the next few days re-connect to a site where I have published my testimony.
Yours AA Greeting
A stabilized alcoholic
Theo Herbots from Tienen in Belgium
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Pure inspiration it is.
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Wow congratulations! We have used the same path to sobriety. I am so thankful for every day that I have and for the opportunity to meet others and be supportive of, and receive support from them. Thank you for reading this and continued serenity and good fortune in your sobriety.
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31 years in the straight? Now that is totally incredible congrats Barb
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