Faced with a job search after her design degree in 2014, Julia Millies couldn’t find solid fashion advice for women over 40. Tackling her look like any design project, she did her own research, and today shares her fashion wisdom with the world at When the Girls Rule.
We chatted with Julia about the fun inspiration for her site’s title and the vibrant, supportive community of women around When the Girls Rule who want to feel confident in their clothing — regardless of their age, shape, and size.
What was the genesis of When The Girls Rule?
Two fashion blogs that deserve your time:
I graduated in 2014 with a design degree hoping to jump-start a new career after being a stay-at-home mom for 20 years. I’d gained weight since my younger career days, especially around the middle, and had to figure out what looked good on this new body. I took this on like I would any design project and did some research. I headed to the internet, the place that has everything — screeching brakes sound — except fashion advice for “apple-shaped” women over 40 with a round middle and big bust.
Yes, I found advice — some ridiculously bad and some slightly helpful, but not much. The advice seemed almost to mock me, like they couldn’t offer anything helpful and they were really telling me I should just lose weight to find flattering clothes or give up and wear a bag.
I really wanted to find pictures of a woman my age and shape wearing fashionable clothes, and I couldn’t find any. When an “advice” website showed an apple-shaped example, they used an illustration or a celebrity. (Angelina Jolie is apple-shaped? Puh-leeze!) Or I saw very slim women modeling clothes they said would look good on me — but how could I tell?
After six months and research at stores and trial and error in the dressing room, I put on an outfit and had a thrill of excitement at my reflection. I liked how I looked! I felt confident! It was flattering and fit well! I had an electric jolt of confidence go through me and said “you are one foxy lady!” to my reflection — something I hadn’t said, or felt, in decades. I was getting compliments. I was turning heads. I felt better about myself. I knew I had to share my experience with others because I was not alone. So, I started When The Girls Rule.
What’s the backstory behind your site’s title?
Ha ha! First, I love coming up with names and taglines. Second, when I’m looking for clothing, the first thing I have to dress for, or consider, is my boobs — my “girls.” They definitely rule when trying on clothes. If they don’t fit or look good, no matter how it fits everywhere else, that item of clothing is not coming home. So, my girls rule my outfit choices.
Your blog fills an important niche — why is it so rare to find a fashion blog geared toward women over 40 who aren’t rail thin?
Shame. Yes. I said it. Shame. Why do women hide behind the kids in photos? Why do we use pictures of our kids for our Facebook profile picture? Why do we hate looking in mirrors, especially dressing room mirrors? Shame. We’ve been taught to be ashamed of our not-perfect bodies. We were all younger once, and probably thinner, and we remember how we used to look. We’ve “let ourselves go” — a moral failing (we’ve been taught) and we feel ashamed. We are certainly not supposed to take lots of pictures of ourselves in clothing and plaster them all over the internet. We should be ashamed and hide our bodies until we have lost weight.
Why do women hide behind the kids in photos? Why do we use pictures of our kids for our Facebook profile picture? We’ve been taught to be ashamed of our not-perfect bodies.
Now, add to that, many industries banking on that shame and a fashion industry that refuses to make clothes for this very common body type and you feel you are being punished for being this size. There is nothing more humiliating than going to a huge store and trying on almost everything and finding nothing that fits, let alone looks good. Or the only thing that fits is designed like a tent. We’ve been taught that our body is wrong, not the clothes. The clothes look good on the model, so it must be you. That all adds to the shame. Honestly, if there were more clothes out there that looked good on our shape, women would hate their bodies less. It all comes down to bad design of clothing rather than a moral failing.
The younger generation of women refuse to shoulder this shame. They accept their bodies and honor them and show them off. I’m glad. Shame is losing its power. However, I don’t want to give up on my generation. We were taught there was only one body type, and if you don’t have it you better be spending all your days trying to get it. I say the clothes and the designs are stupid. I say the dumb fashion industry is at fault for missing out on this share of the market. I’ve reminded my readers to say, “It’s not me. It’s the clothes,” when they’re in the dressing room. Hopefully, we can shed this shame and see the issue as it truly is: a failure to design for the audience.
What sort of response has your blog received?
Women are so grateful. So, so grateful. They see someone who looks like them who isn’t wearing a bag. They see someone who looks good and feels good in clothing, who isn’t a celebrity. They see an average woman, just like them, who shops at a mall and actually finds clothing that looks good on her and who shares what she has learned and is confident. That’s huge.
My most memorable interaction was when one of my readers asked me how I became so positive about my body. I hadn’t realized that was the vibe coming through the blog. She asked if I’d always felt that way or whether I learned to love my body and if so, how. That started a couple of posts about body gratitude. I didn’t even know I had something to say about it. I had to think a lot about how I had come to accept my body and then explained my thought process to my readers. This made me realize that this blog was more than just clothing advice.
You’re hands-on in your lively comment section. What’s your philosophy of building your community?
How to build a readership? Be real. Be authentic. Be honest. People respond to that. If you’re blogging just to make money off of the ads blinking on the side of your website then people pick up on that.
I love comments and I love responding. It’s so interesting to read what others are thinking, not just my blah blah blah. I’m not an expert, and admit that, so I welcome others’ insight. Plus, since this is a rare place where women my age and shape can share clothing knowledge, I want to encourage the sharing and welcome the insight to get as much knowledge out there as possible.
How to build a readership? Be real. Be authentic. Be honest. People respond to that. If you’re blogging just to make money off of the ads blinking on the side of your website then people pick up on that. I don’t write for search engines to find me. I ignore the search engine optimization (SEO) advice. Though I’d love for more women who are looking for this kind of information to actually find me, writing a blog for those search engines creates the most generic, bland titles and watered-down content that kill your individual voice.
What’s the most important thing you’ve learned from blogging?
I think I’ve learned the most from the surprising ethical dilemma that comes from a fashion blog. You can go two ways with a blog like this: fake or real. I could easily pick only flattering pictures and make it look like I’m always going somewhere fabulous with my fabulous family, and all we do is exciting things and are always on exotic vacations, and I always look fabulous in my endless wardrobe. Or I could keep it real. Show my real self with my successes and failures, showing items that aren’t expensive and are a couple of years old. Many blogs create a “lifestyle” that is meant to create a fantasy and to have people aspire to that. Another unattainable fashion industry illusion. I think the fashion industry has spent enough time and energy making women feel like they just have to try harder. Maybe seeming like a fantasy person would bring more readers, and maybe readers would like it to be an escapist place, but I don’t think I could sustain that.
I’m real. I’m frank. I tell it like it is. I’m just like everyone else out there. I always keep in mind my mission of helping apple-shaped women dress confidently and that is my compass.
Visit When the Girls Rule for inspiration on cultivating your own style, shopping tips, and thoughts on body gratitude. Follow @when_the_girls_rule on Instagram and on Twitter @whengirlsrule.
Good for you! Seriously! It’s also some bull that the sites are rude and don’t help. Also those outfits look cool and comfortable.
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Thanks! The “advice” sites really need to ask a real person with that shape what works rather than assuming. That doesn’t help anyone.
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She is SO cute
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I’m blushing! Thanks!
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Inspiring Story and really agree that a fit is must. A dress or a clothing piece should see garbage bin if it does not fit.
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Yes! Or hopefully, you didn’t buy it in the first place. For women with my shape they’re just so glad to find something that fits, that the fact of looking good in it too doesn’t even cross their minds. Time to change that!
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Definitely. Thank you Julia for doing what you are doing. My old clothes do not fit me and I am in that transition phase where I have to find clothes that fit and look good on me at the same time. I could relate to you. Happy weekend. 🙂
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Or possibly donated to Goodwill, or to groups that help women getting back on their feet.
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Yes Genie, for sure. we often donate here, in India. What I meant was that sometimes it is often necessary to love self and wear clothes that fit with confidence despite of size. Mostly, we forget that. we buy drab thinking it will hide fat and feel good. If one does not look good, I guess how can one feel good ? So yeah in such cases, we should upgrade our closet.
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Thank you @whengirlsrule for inspiring women into being wideminded in fashion
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“Wideminded”! Love it! Now, we just need fashion to become wideminded!
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Don’t worry I think all women at forty are at there best, and I agree put in your photo as a profile, otherwise when they meet you in the flesh they will have a shock.
It’s strange how people think forty is old, I myself although I am a meager Man thought that forty was old, now I am almost 65 and think I’m young? So to me at 40 you are very young and no doubt very beautiful, so good luck and put yourself as your profile.
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Thank you so much! It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? I think women at 40 are just starting to become their most fierce selves so they really should be loud and proud and just warming up!
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Well done.
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This is a great blog! Its great to see someone writing about life over 40.
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Hey Judith! You may want to check out the Women of Midlife on Facebook. Lots of women over 40 there! Perhaps I’ll see you over there!
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Well that was encouraging! Just yesterday I was feeling like this body had seen better days (it has) and what was I going to do about it. Today, I enjoyed your piece about being content with what you have. thanks for putting it in perspective 🙂
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Hey Mim! Maybe it’s seen better days when it was only 20 or 30 years old, but that doesn’t mean it can’t see fabulous days at 5o, 6o or better! We need to stop comparing ourselves to fashion models and we also need to stop comparing ourselves to our younger selves. Hmmmm… sounds like a blog post idea! Thanks!
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Beautiful
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Awww, thanks!
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I’m so glad that you wrote this article. I wouldn’t have known about Julia’s blog and her other social media until now. It’s good to know that they’re out there. For two years or so, I’ve been searching the internet for ideas on how to dress up my body. I’m not in the thin-side and I have a muffin top and saggy boobs. The blogs I’ve seen in the past only showed women who didn’t have my features. If I dress the way they did, it wouldn’t look right on me. Anyway, great article and thanks for sharing!!
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Gosh, yes! Krista did a beautiful job on this article, didn’t she? Besides trying to dress this midlife body there’s all those articles about “age-appropriateness” too — ridiculous! I hope to see you on the blog or one of the social media channels too!
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I’m already a follower in Twitter and I’ve visited & bookmarked your blog. I hope to see you too on my blog (mygenxlifeblog.wordpress.com) and on twitter (mygenxlife). Thanks!
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What a lovely, spunky lady, and such a great article! Just had to share it! I myself have gained some pounds in my 40s and struggle with body image. Really most days I like myself just fine, but I hear society’s messages in my brain saying all sorts of mean things to me. It is a conscientious effort to counter the negativity, and be proud of my curves and confident in what God gave me. Thanks for renewing that confident spirit in me, this really was a great article!
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Wow! Words really do have power, don’t they? I’m so glad this gave you a boost in confidence and I wish you many, many days of fabulous outfits!
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My mind has been opened. Thank you so much!
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You are so welcome Karat Queen!
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I admire you for going against the stereotypes and non-sense that the fashion industry has been feeding us. When I look around me, I see women who look great because they are confident, they wear what they feel makes them look and feel good. You are beautiful!
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Thank you so much! I totally agree with you that confidence is the real key accessory to any outfit.
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Hey I really loved reading this blog. Julia seems to have such contagious enthusiasm. It’s nice to see people like her who are so motivated and motivate others too, to get up and look good no matter what your age.
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Thanks Mitchelle! Contagious enthusiasm? I love that phrase! If you don’t mind I may have to use that in the future…
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I like a smile on her face, and those outfits fitted her well.
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My husband is my photographer, and it has been noted that he always gets the biggest smiles out of me. Though, in reality, sometimes we’re tussling about the photo shoot!
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Thank you! Lissy Verghese
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Hey Lissy! You are welcome!
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It’s really inspiring!
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Yes! Girl power comes in many ways, doesn’t it?
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Obviously. ..
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This is inspiring story for me. 😊
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Oh Stella! That makes me so happy!
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INSPIRED ME SO MUCH. THANK YOU.
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I’m so glad!
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I’m glad too. Because you inspired me much. Thank you!
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So beautiful post.. I just loved it.. Body shaming has reached to such a level and it is not limited to women who are a bit fat( I don’t like the word bdw), however you look there will be somebody who would say “Oh! You are so thin, oh you should put on or lose weight” “Oh your boobs are so small or so big” “Oh you are looking so good today in tone that says you don’t look good otherwise”
It is so Inspiring to read your blog. God bless you and Yes you look so so beautiful ❤
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Thank you so much! Yes, there will always be someone who thinks they should tell us what to do with our looks and our bodies. The real question is do you listen to them or listen to yourself?
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I listen to myself. ❤
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This post was truly inspiring! I’ve just started a new blog, I only have a couple of posts but would appreciate it if you would have a look! Thank you 🙂
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Thanks! I’ll pop over!
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Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Very inspiring post indeed… Just in time to share on naijafashionrocks.wordpress.com 🙂
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Thank you so much!
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I love blogs about realizing things in life. It gives you new perspective. Your post was an eye opener and refreshing!
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I totally agree with you! Thanks!
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You should check my first blog post!
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Very inspiring thank you.
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Hey Kreativechic8! I love to inspire other women! Thanks for reading!
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Great post and insightful points!
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Thank you so much! All that insight was definitely hard-earned!
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Really cool and interesting post on a topic that no one seems to discuss these days.
I’m glad I stumbled upon it! It’s electrifying!
I hope to be able to share similar quality content one day ; )
If you notice my comment you are more than welcome to have a look at my make up suggestions. ^^
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Thank you so much! “Electrifying”? Wow! I love that compliment!
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Yep. You rock 😉
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Great post!
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You are so welcome!
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I love to see people love and feel good LOVE THIS . Love the message your blog spreads and i totally agree that we as woman are awesome beautiful beings no matter what age size or background! very inspiring!
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We are awesome and beautiful! Really, the small idea that you have to be age 20 and size 2 to be beautiful is so ridiculous! We just need to keep saying it loud!
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Very inspiring….
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Thank you! That makes my day!
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This writing is so inspirational. Just love it and being a girl it makes me love myself more and more❤️
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Gosh, yes! It’s totally within each of us to love ourselves or not. I’m not going to listen to some advertisement telling me how I should look. They don’t know me and don’t get that power! I hold that power!
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Incredibly important gap u are filling 😊 I am inspired
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I am so glad! Yes, it’s a big gap but we’re just getting started!
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Great read. A true struggle for many!
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Yes, many women look just like me and have to work so hard to find clothes. Really shouldn’t be that hard. Thank you for commenting!
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Beautiful.My mum should read this she will get really inspired.
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Oh yes! The power of Mums! Please share with her!
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I love it! Thank you for this blog! And I love your outfits. The accessories really make them.
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Gosh, yes, the power of accessories! Something I knew nothing about before I started, so your compliment really means a lot!
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Great post!
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Thank you so much Beth!
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Amazing and inspirational!
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I’m blushing… thank you!
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Empowering and enlightening read! Thank you 🙂
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I’m so glad! You are so welcome!
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Thank you, for us women over 40 it is difficult to find the look you want in the stores, so thank you for sharing.
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Yes, it is hard, and it shouldn’t be. We spend a lot of money on fashion too and the industry needs to hear that from us. I know you can find cute outfits even so. If I can do it. Anyone can!
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Wonderful interview and I love the comment Julia that you make about maintaining an ethical mindset about the photos you include in your articles, plus the fact that you have to remain first and foremost genuine in what you post 🙂
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Hey Audrey! Yes, that was such a weird realization when I started doing the blog. There came a point where I realized I had to show everyone I was just like them and didn’t have this “natural” talent for outfits. I plodded through it step by step just like anyone else would do. Unfortunately fashion has a tradition of making women feel they have to “aspire” to be fashionable so I could carry on that tradition or blow that up. I like to blow things up!
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You look SO CUTE!!!
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Awwww, thanks!
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I like your style, you go girl
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Thank you so much!
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I love this!
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Oh i just loved reading this. You just inspired me … i might not be 40 yet… but as you shared I could see myself getting here by 40, and I am just overjoyed to see that I can follow your fashion advice … The effort you have taken is awesome 🙂
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Thank you Alice! Yes, you can look great at any age as long as you define your beauty. Don’t let some dumb magazine or website tell you. You decide. And I’m sure you’ll be rockin’ outfits in your forties!
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Absolutely amazing speaks volumes of being genuine and true to yourself.
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Thanks! Yes, being true to yourself is so important! It would make me crazy to go against that!
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Great read, great style! Just continue being you and thanks for sharing!
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Thank you so much and I love your name!
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I’m continually amazed how grown women are referred to as “girls”. I have earned my 43 years and have no interest in being referred to with an infantilizing term like “girls”. I certainly don’t refer to my husband as a “boy”.
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Yeah, totally agree! I was referring to my boobs as “my girls”!
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Very inspirational story, Julia! I especially love the blog name now that I know the backstory…my “girls” (boobs) have ruled in my clothing since puberty! It’s great to see how you pull your outfits together to enhance your figure. Great job for putting yourself out there and sharing it.
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