When it comes to big goals, like quitting smoking or writing a book, author Euny Hong recommends you zip your lips. “The declaration of intention paradoxically reveals the lack of intention,” she writes. If you’re working on a project, Euny suggests a vow of silence until you’ve seen it through.
Read snippets of her piece at Quartz:
Why does talking about a big goal, such as writing a book or quitting smoking, sabotage your ability to complete it? Because every time you talk about an unfinished project with someone, you are tricking your brain into thinking you’ve done some of the work. Talking about writing a book gives you the same mental fatigue and satisfaction that you’d get from actually writing for an hour. It’s demotivating.
One of the biggest mistakes people make in life is assuming that intangibles are in greater supply than money. All resources are finite — all of them — including the three traits that separate people who finish books from people who don’t: ambition, stamina, and your ability not to tire of hearing your own ideas. (Note that I did not include “writing ability” as an essential trait. Talent is a nice thing to have, but is literally not even tertiary in importance.) All three of these resources get depleted every single time you talk about your book.
Do you agree or disagree? And in this world of blogging, social media updates, and constant sharing and documentation, is staying silent still possible? Share your take in the comments.
I agree partially as I’ve had experiences with this myself. I plan to start projects and as I gather what I need, produce thoughts and/or obtain the tools I will use, I then inform my friends about my plans before I ever set them to motion, then I get caught up in the moment of thinking a lot about the matter, until I get exhausted in thinking I’m planning too much. In a way it’s been a method to procrastinate for me.
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I talk about my books all the time. And I have made progress. I’m just over halfway in the final book of a trilogy. I’m taking a break from writing this week for my birthday, but I’m getting back into it next week. And I know plenty of other writers who talk about the progress they make with their books all the time, and they still make progress.
But then again, we’re all previously published writers with several years’ experience. Maybe we’ve worked around this trick somehow.
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And maybe you talk to each other– friends who understand the process and nuances.
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Talking about writing a book is part of a process to my mind. It gives you ideas, perspective and new thinking. Further, it can help break the writer’s block or simply can motivate to write sooner than never. Writing a book is a creative process, observation, thinking and talking are integral to writing.
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I agree I’ve always believed in keep your big ideas to yourself until you manifest then and are ready to tell the world.
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I agree. When I was a teenager I bought a pair of jeans or a sweater (can’t remember which). I had it for quite a while before noticing a little text hidden on the inside that said something like “keep your plans secret for now”. I thought it was a strange thing to have on a piece of clothing, but the phrase stuck with me. A few more years of life experience and I’ve come to realize that it is actually great advice.
If I share “work in progress” pictures of my artwork and I get some feedback and a sense of accomplishment from that, I struggle a lot more to sit down to continue working on the piece.
I don’t find that telling people about my projects or ideas keeps me more accountable, as some suggested. If anything I just feel pressured and lose interest even faster if they start asking me about it. I can see how people would differ quite a bit with that though.
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Ahahah!
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Just a masterpiece of reality…
¡Good post!
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Yes, this has been my experience. Although I love getting feedback from others, i sometimes wonder about self sabotage. The key is to do the project and not just talk about it.
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Totally agreed with as i have experienced this many times before
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Wow … great insight. I’m willing to bet this is very true for a lot of people. Myself among them perhaps. Hmm *thinking*
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That is interesting, food for thought!
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I definitely agree with this, although I am guilty of doing so. I think partially there is some contradiction to it, though, because saying it out loud can, in a way, hold somebody accountable for what they say they will do.
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Agreed
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There is a TED talk that supports the science that your brain believes that you have completed that goal when you talk about it.
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I can mostly agree to this, I’ve told people before about all kinds of big projects/goals I’m working on, but then they rarely get done. On the other hand, certain things did get done after I told people about them, mostly because I wanted to share my progress with them instead of always saying “oh I haven’t done much else” hahaha!
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Yes, I agree with it. I have proofs that things are more likely to happens if we keep our mouth shut, but it is so hard when you have lots of people who you are really close.
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Like with romance…I don’t want to jinx ! Or a windfall
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hahahaha exactly! Don’t jinx it
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Nice
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I think keeping your goals to yourself is a good idea, to an extent. I feel like as humans we have a need to share, especially things we are excited about.
Keeping the main goal to yourself is probably best but I think talking about it here and there with close family and friends to get advice, feedback and other support is a great idea. That way you can shape your goal to perfection from the support and experience of others too. Have them on board with the idea to get support but you don’t have to go into every single little detail.
That’s how I do it with my projects anyway, and it keeps me motivated enough to be creative but also satisfied when I receive that support I need too. 🙂
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This is a balanced approach born of experience. Nice!
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Perhaps the point in blog post was talking too much and not focusing on digging into the dream journey to reach the desired goal.
Part of reaching big goals…an artwork, change in lifestyle for health…is taking action, consecutive baby steps that over time, it becomes part of your instinctive behaviour: you no longer to talk about it much at all.
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I too believe in that.
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True.
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I really like this idea. Butt-in-chair time is the only thing that really matters in the end.
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Wow, I think this is my problem! I will try zipping the lips and see how it goes!
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Awesome! Couldn’t agree more.
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Yeah ..this is right. I’ve experienced it , but I believe that the attitude lies in not telling people your goals but in showing them by doing it. It’s hard when you have so many close friends though.🙂
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Close friends understand when you brush off their questions gently or say you don’t wang to talk about it.
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i agree and I’m in that stage now where I wont discuss anything yet that I’m working on.
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Interesting.
I guess I shouldn’t say I am working on a Web Graphic Novel, which I will turn into a App, celebrating free speech!
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I hang my head in shame..
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Reblogged this on the syntax of things and commented:
I hope it’s not cheating to reblog something… This longreads article caught my eye as I was scrolling through my feed. As you may have noticed, I’ve talked a lot about many of my goals, large and small, on this blog. According to this article, it’s better to keep silent about your big goals, and I’ve been doing it wrong all this time! On the other hand, there is a body of research that supports the idea that sharing your goals with others reinforces your motivation and keeps you accountable for finishing what you say you’ve started. What do you think?
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I basically think that it goes both ways. Seeing things through has nothing (in my opinion)to do with whether you talk about your goals or not. I however believe that if you are busy working towards your goals, you’ll have less time to talk about it.Plus the element of surprise never fails.
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This is so damn perfect! A great work Mam😁
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This is true, but not always
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Totally agree
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Totally agree, as I myself have been doing this a lot lately,
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I always felt that if the energy of the people around you is negative toward what you’re doing, this will unconsciously affect your ability to keep writing that book or stop picking up that cigarette. This makes additional sense to what I have always believed. Good work.
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Hmm… I think like everything else, there’s a limit. Voicing ones goals may be the person’s way of self-motivation while other take the “surprise-them-after succeeding” approach. All depends on the person really.
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Agreed. Nice thought.
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So true..
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The Pink Padma says: If you are talking about it, you are not doing it. Unless what you want to do is talk. Conversely, if your listening to others talking about what they are doing/going to do, then you are also not doing what you are/were doing or talking about doing (when not listening). Unless what you want to do is listen.
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true, i must say!
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I agree… better to keep a low profile.
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Agree and disagree. It really depends. When talking about writing books, it might be better to take action in silence unless it’s for marketing purpose. Writing requires the mental work which is often done in solitude, and it can be distracted by sharing the ideas with others. But talking about goals in general is a different story. There are theoris suggesting the announcement of your goal is creating a kinda supervision that often motivates people to take actions.
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Interesting and totally makes sense!
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I disagree somewhat. Ambition can sometimes be boosted when you are passionate about something and communicate that passion to others when discussing your projects/goals/dreams, etc. It also can be reinforced and carried to fruition when you allow for this communication and visualize the finished product.
KGM
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Sharing goals with everyone leads to de motivation. People with less knowledge demotivates abd it lowers your self esteem
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Sometimes talking about it makes you picture it
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It depends on the you see it.
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Thanks for this perspective. It is something I will remember. However, I think you can also garner support from those with whom you share your desired accomplishment. It is great to have support.
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Spamming people about your writing might be a bad idea, but I believe every now and then giving a progress update or sharing some snippets or things about your WIP are a good thing to get people interested. If you’re going to publish and want people to buy and read your book, people need to know it exists. You need to market your book and a good time to start is while you’re writing.
And on a personal note, talking about my writing is a huge motivator for me. Different things work for different people.
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I actually needed to read this! Thanks!
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A lot of motivational speakers emphasize the importance of “stop talking and start doing”; congratulations are much more fulfilling than encouragement. Vis à vis social media, I personally prefer to post “look, I did this thing!” rather than “look at this goal I have that I may or may not accomplish”.
That said, a happy middle would be posting progress once the project is underway (“it’s been two weeks since my last cigarette” vs “I’m going to quit smoking for new year’s”). You’re already well on your way to succeeding, plus you get a boost of encouragement to get you all the way to your goal.
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I never considered this idea. It took me over a year to write my book, and it sometimes helped to talk to others about my project. Not all my friends knew, but the one’s who did were tremendous motivators for me to continue. I’ve noticed that in many cases, whether it is quitting smoking or writing a book, just speaking the words aloud help cement the idea in a stronger form.
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