Mommy and Daddy Bloggers Shoot the Poop: Part Two

• By Michelle Weber

In Part One, our panel of parents talked about how their blogs evolve as their kids grow, the support to be found within the blogging community, and how to write about sensitive issues without embarrassing your kids (short answer: you’re going to embarrass them no matter what you do, so get used to it).

Today, they delve into the nitty-gritty of establishing boundaries online. How much detail is appropriate to share? What topics are off-limits? What about posting photos? How is their children’s other parent involved in the blog, if at all? Their advice is great for anyone writing about (or posting photos of) family and friends, whether they’re tall enough for the roller coaster or not.

Please give a big Daily Post welcome to our panel. And no funny business, or they will turn this blog around. They mean it.

• Emily, of The Waiting
• Jerry, of Mommy Man
• Ann Marie, of Dear #$&%! Baby
• Acey, of Dadgitated
• Jeni, of Joy and Woe
• John, of Twinfamy

How do you decide what level of detail to share?

JENI: I tend to get pretty detailed because that’s where the funny is hiding out.  Sometimes I’ll give a lot of detail because the content itself is instructional.

Your parental gut instinct — the one that says, “this fever is okay, no need to call the doctor” or “I know he seems fine, but that rash has me worried” — will serve you well in blogging.  If you ever feel like maybe you shouldn’t share something, trust that feeling.

JERRY: It’s a tricky area because as a writer — and specifically as someone who considers myself a comedy writer — it’s better to be as specific as possible. It’s more interesting, more relatable and funnier. It hurts sometimes to leave those details out, but it’s best to remain vague rather than trample on someone’s privacy.

I’m careful about changing details just enough — if my oldest happens to stumble on something I wrote, he might find it oddly familiar but won’t be able to pin anything on me.

— Acey, Dadgitated

ACEY: I’m careful about changing details just enough — if my oldest happens to stumble on something I wrote, he might find it oddly familiar but won’t be able to pin anything on me.

EMILY: I try to write in broad strokes; the private details of her development and personality are for her baby book, not Google.

JOHN: This is one reason I use a pseudonym. There’s a digital trail left when you post identifying information. Since the blog is a for-fun creative outlet, writing it pseudonymously keeps our “blog” selves separate from our “real” selves. This allows me to write about whatever I want without it affecting my wife or me professionally, or feeling insecure about any creep with an internet connection knowing our names and faces.

EMILY: If you write under your real name, assume you’re going to go viral. (You probably won’t, but you never know!) If you say something you don’t think your child will appreciate half the world knowing, don’t share it. These kids are people too. Granted, they’re also blog fodder, but they’re people first.

JERRY: I assume that everyone I know is going to discover the blog at some point, and don’t write anything about anyone that I wouldn’t want them to read, or use real names or photos without permission. You may want to explain why your sister-in-law with the different parenting philosophy is a real kook, but that’s probably not a good idea.

JOHN:  I’m aware of my audience — which includes my family and friends — so I always leave out any details I think could potentially upset any of them.

ANN MARIE: The key is to know your readers, what they would be comfortable reading and what you are comfortable sharing, be they strangers, friends or family. If I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing the info with my mom, I won’t post it (so I don’t post about sex because I like to imagine that she thinks we aren’t doing it).

Are there things you’ll never write about?

EMILY: I am uncomfortable attacking other parents’ decisions and methods. I’ve done it before, and when people in the comments gently pointed it out, I tended to agree with them and change my tune. Bedsheets, diapering, breastfeeding, feeding your kid McDonalds: these things are not everything, and they don’t determine whether you’re a fit parent.

The internet is full of people who are ready to dump all over parents for doing something in a different way. I don’t want to be one of them. I want to build parents up when they read my blog.

The internet is full of people who are ready to dump all over parents for doing something in a different way. I don’t want to be one of them. I want to build parents up when they read my blog.

— Emily, The Waiting

JERRY: I try not to attack other parenting philosophies either. I do think some of them are a little nutty, but the fact that someone has a parenting philosophy shows that they’re interested in how they raise their kids.

I’ve also made myself a promise to stay on topic. I may have very strong opinions about something in the news, but I’m not going to rant about it unless it ties in to parenting and/or LGBT issues.

JOHN: While I’ve been known to use innuendos, I’m not into writing about sex. Not only would it feel contrived, it’s also not something I’m interested sharing with all of the internets.

Also, Nickelback. I will not write about Nickelback.

ANN MARIE: I don’t write about sex either. I also won’t talk about poop, at least not in detail beyond “there was a lot.” Same with vomit. No one wants to hear about my dog crapping in the yard or my cat horking up a hairball, so I refrain from sharing that info about the kid.

ACEY: A third for sex. And politics, religion, or in-laws.

There’s increasing concern over posting photos of children online. Can you write a parenting blog without them?

ACEY: I don’t usually post photos of my children on my blog. It’s not because I’m paranoid; I just find that they don’t add much to my particular blogging style.

EMILY: Looking at the search engine terms reinforces that there are people in the world who do not see children as adorable little people who are just there to be admired in all their infantile glory. Several bloggers I highly respect have removed images of their children, and I fully support their decision — you can never do too much to protect your kids.

Part of the reason I blog is because I think it’s important for my family to be visible as a non-traditional family, so I don’t want to give the impression that we have anything to hide.

— Jerry, Mommy Man

JOHN: There’s something disconcerting to me about posting identifiable photos of my kids for public viewing, especially considering some of the creepy, deviant search engine terms that land people on my site.

JERRY: I think it’s hard to write a parenting blog without posting pictures of your kids. I know some people do it, but if I’m reading about someone, I want to see what they look like.

It’s also important for why I blog. Part of the reason I blog is because I think it’s important for my family to be visible as a non-traditional family, so I don’t want to give the impression that we have anything to hide. I won’t post any pictures that might embarrass my kids someday, but then again, I don’t really take those kinds of pictures either. When my kids were having accidents potty training, I didn’t run for my iPhone while they were laying in a puddle of pee so I could illustrate my blog posts.

JOHN: Posting fewer photos is actually a fun constraint. It leaves things up to readers’ imaginations and also challenges me to focus on written descriptions. Since I’m way more interested in the craft of writing than I am in photography, it works out. I think it’s made me a better writer.

For those of you who post photos, do you have guidelines?

EMILY: While I post a lot of pictures of my daughter, I do so with a little voice telling me to proceed with caution. I am ever-mindful of the photos, and I am most comfortable using pictures where her face is obscured or where she’s with me or my husband.

JERRY: I try not to be too paranoid about pictures. I don’t tag them, because I don’t need them coming up in a Google Image Search for “tantrum,” but if someone’s reading about my family, I think they deserve to see what we look like.

ANN MARIE: I do post photos, only because my kid is too cute not to share and I feel like someday he’ll be discovered and Tyra Banks will make him America’s Next Top Toddler Model.

The older he gets, the more I worry; it’s something that sits in the back of my mind. But, I post all willy-nilly on Facebook, so I figure they’re out there anyway — might as well blog ’em. I totally get why some opt to and sometimes I think I may stop as well, but then, well. TYRA BANKS.

JOHN: When I post photos of my kids, they’re either photos where they’re facing away from the camera or where their faces are covered by the hilarious white circles I use in my stick figure drawings.

JENI: The rules I use for blog photos are the same I’d use anywhere on social media: no nudity, nothing that’s dignity-compromising (I’m thinking bath and potty pics, but for our family this extends even to photos of super messy eating).

I do worry about image theft.  I don’t (yet) watermark the photos I use and I’m not kidding when I say that I worry about that with every photo I post.  I’m not sure watermarks really do anything, but it’s one of those things I see done and think I should do, too.

Do you share posts and/or photos on social networking sites?

EMILY: I share all my posts on The Waiting’s Facebook page and Twitter feed. I only occasionally share posts on my personal Facebook account because if my friends and family really want to read my blog, they don’t need a constant reminder.

My blog’s Facebook page isn’t the most hopping place since I don’t do a lot of giveaways or post a ton of memes — both of which are easy “likes” —  but I really like that it’s got a small but devoted following I can interact with.

ACEY: I also share posts on Facebook and Twitter. It gives my friends and family easy access to my blog. On the other hand, it means I have to watch what I say about my friends and family. Not that I would say anything negative about any of them. Because they’re all great. All the time. Every single one of them.

JERRY: I share everything everywhere. Writing a blog post is only half the work — the other half is promoting it. Blogs are public documents; you blog because you want to promote your writing, to connect with people you don’t know and to add to the larger conversation. Not promoting your blog is like renting a theater to stage your one-man show and then refusing to put up flyers because you don’t want anyone to show up. If that’s your attitude, maybe you’ve chosen the wrong medium.

Nothing makes me happier than when a friend writes to say that someone I don’t know shared a post of mine on Twitter. It lets me know that I’ve written something that stands on its own.

Not promoting your blog is like renting a theater to stage your one-man show and then refusing to put up flyers because you don’t want anyone to show up. If that’s your attitude, maybe you’ve chosen the wrong medium.

— Jerry, Mommy Man

JENI: I occasionally share blog content on Facebook and Twitter, but I’m mindful about not wanting to spam friends/followers. About one in 10 posts will get shared on Facebook, fewer on Twitter.  More than anything else, this reflects how I personally use the services — I use them for connection (Facebook) and commentary (Twitter).  That said, nothing goes on the blog that I wouldn’t cross-post.  Online is online.

JOHN: You don’t want to look lame and desperate, but I think it’s important to get the word out a few times a day to get different crowds of people in different times zones. Once I publish a post, I usually share it 2-3 times throughout the day on Facebook, about 4-5 times on Twitter, and once or twice on Pinterest.

ANN MARIE: I use Instagram with my blogging name, as well Facebook and Twitter. The only rules I have are to not post any photos of my husband or of my current location. If I post a location-based image, I generally post it after the fact or as I’m leaving.

JOHN: When I post photos on social media, I follow the same guidelines as on the blog — faces covered. I also make sure that when I’m taking pictures with my phone at home, I have the geotagging turned off so I’m not broadcasting our home address.

If your children’s other parent is in the picture, what do they think about your blog? Do you include them in the process?

EMILY: My husband has a presence in the Tumblr community himself, so he’s really happy that I’ve been able to find so much joy and support blogging on WordPress. He doesn’t read my blog regularly unless I ask him to read a particular post, but he has helped me out in the past with graphics and brainstorming. He trusts my discretion and knows that I’m vigilant about not intruding on our privacy.

JENI: My partner is very much in the picture, sometimes literally.  Bottom line: he trusts me not to do anything too screwy where our family is involved.

ACEY: My wife reads all of my posts and seems to enjoy them. I also tend to use her to bounce ideas off of and as a spell check, as in “hey sweetie? How do you spell…?”

JERRY: I’ve had nothing but support from my partner about the blog, and if he wasn’t supportive, I couldn’t possibly keep doing it. A blog can be a great creative outlet and a great way to connect with other parents, but if it causes friction in your relationship, it’s not worth it.

At the same time, I don’t run my posts past him for his approval. I’ll occasionally show him something and ask, “Is this any good?” But never “Do you mind if I say this?” We’ve been together ten years, so at this point, I know pretty well what he’ll like and what he won’t. And I’d say we have a pretty similar sense of what crosses the line into oversharing.

What  I write about is my decision, though we have internet agreements related to privacy and what I can and cannot post (which explains why he’s pictured as Batman).

— Ann Marie, Dear #$&%! Baby

ANN MARIE: My husband was deployed for most of my pregnancy and is currently deployed, so the blog helps him stay connected. Sometimes (rarely), he gets more involved. My birth story posts from last summer are some of my favorites — my husband agreed to participate and added in his commentary.

What I write about is my decision, though we have internet agreements related to privacy and what I can and cannot post (which explains why he’s pictured as Batman).

JOHN: My wife edits and proofreads almost every post, which is much appreciated because she often finds mistakes I miss while I’m busy concocting genius (Thanks, babe!). I say “almost every post” because every once in a while I’ll surprise her by intentionally skipping her review and posting about something funny she said or did. I’ve often argued that my wife is the real star of the blog. She constantly feeds me with a steady stream of wit, unintentional mixed metaphors, and unique insight.

However, she has become increasingly aware that anything she says or does may be immortalized in (pixel) print.One unfortunate consequence of the blog is that now, whenever she does anything potentially embarrassing, she’ll declare, “By the way, you are NOT allowed to blog about this.” Which is fair. But you have to believe me when I tell you, you’re missing out on some gems.

Look out for the final post in this series next week, featuring our panel’s top tips for new bloggers, and subscribe to The Daily Post’s newsletter for bonus content at the end of the month.

Other posts in this series:

• Mommy and Daddy Bloggers Shoot the Poop: Part One
• The Poop Hits the Fan: Parenting Bloggers’ Top Tips

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