Four years ago, my sister got married.  She was so beautiful, the girls were so happy and one week later my husband passed away.  That's no fun... let's celebrate and be happy, happy, happy one weekend feel like your life has been turned upside down the next.  We've survived, sometimes I feel as though just barely, but we're surviving nonetheless.  It's important to stay strong, keep your independence - that's what everyone says, until sad things happen to you.  Well, I've got more independence that I need or want and my daughters don't have their Dad.  Am I upset, no, not angry anymore either, sad, yes, and always will be, but it's the truth... and sometimes the truth hurts.  

So, more than anything, I am thankful for so much in our lives...  regardless of upset or defeat. Our friends, our family and those who love us for who we are each and everyday.

It's time for the next challenge. Today the tribes will rank their members accordance to importance. They will mix the tribes up, that's a certain fact. The tribes spend a few minutes answering some questions. They rank their members. Marcus was ranked #1 in the Kota. Ace, Bob, Charlie, Jacky, Corinne, Sugar, and Kelly follow in the rankings. Ace thinks that Kelly is devastated. He doesn't like her, he calls her a whiny little cow. On the Fang tribe, #1 is Matty, followed by Dan, Randy, Crystal, Kenny, GC and Susie.

The survivors are told to drop their buffs, it's time to change tribes. Marcus and Matty are captains on their respective tribes. Marcus picks Dan, Charlie, Randy, Corinne, Susie, and Bob. Matty picks Ace, Crystal, Jacky, Kenny, Kelly, and GC. Charlie has got a bromance going on with Marcus. One after the other, the tribemembers pick their next members.

Sugar is left alone. She will go to Exile Island. She will rejoin the tribes after the next tribal council. She will join the tribe which will have lost a member.

The new Kota tribe has three old Fang members in their tribe. Randy knows that if they go into tribal, they will choose one of the old Fang members to go.

Sugar chooses comfort since she has the idol. She's got some fruits to munch on and a hammock to lie in. It's like a little holiday for her.

At Fang, Ace makes himself immediately useful. Kelly, Jacquie and Kenny are talking. Crystal hears that Kelly felt like an outcast. Crystal tells Ken that Kelly doesn't like Ace or Jacquie. Kelly is talking with the old Fang. Kelly says that Ace sleeps with Jacquie and Sugar. Kelly says that she wants to get rid of Ace. They all agree with her. Kenny is happy that she's sticking with them. He said twice that she was hot.

The next day, the tribes get tree mail. They get a lacrosse stick and a ball. Marcus is concerned with who to evict when they get to tribal. He's hesitating between Randy and Susie. Susie does more in camp, so if he judges on that, Randy would go. It all depends upon their performance in the immunity challenge. This means that if Randy does a poor performance and that Kota loses, he would get evicted.

It's time for the immunity challenge. The game is a cross between waterpolo and lacrosse. The tribes will be in small boats with paddles. It takes three points to win. Jacquie is first at the ball, but loses it. Marcus takes it. Randy scores. That was good. The next round, Marcus is first at the ball. Marcus passes again to Randy and he scores again. They've got it down to a technique. Crystal is whining as usual. Marcus loses the ball to ace in the next round. Kelly isn't doing anything. Marcus passes the ball to Randy once again, but he is too short. Randy scores again. Kota wins immunity easily.

Sugar will join Fang and Ace after her return from Exile. Either Kelly or Ace will be a goner. At Fang, Ace thinks that they lost badly. GC is very vocal at camp. GC tells Kenny that he sucks. Matty says that Jacquie was pretty good. Jacquie says that it was hard to play defence. GC thinks that based on their performance, Kelly will be a goner. GC talks with Crystal and Kenny. They hesitate, because of strategy and that Sugar might have the immunity idol. They tell Matty that they need to get rid of one of the Ace pack. Crystal says that Ace, Sugar and Jacquie are the threats. Matty tells Jacquie what is going on. She talks with Kenny. Ken likes how genuine Jacquie is. His mind is not made up. He says that he doesn't have any power. He tells her that she needs to talk with Crystal.

She does so. Jacquie says that she didn't have an alliance with Ace. Crystal can ask her to vote for Ace, which would settle matters.

It's time for tribal. The obvious goal is to keep the tribe strong. Matty says that he wants Ace on his side, he's a powerful contributor to the tribe. Kelly points out that Crystal and Kenny were weaker than her. She gets on Crystal's nerves. Ace and Jacquie vote for Kelly, she votes for Jacquie. Jacquie is voted out. This means that Fang will most probably head back to tribal next week.

* * * * *

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            Papasok pa lamang sina PO3 James Lontoc, Dr. Eleazar Remozora at Detective Gabriel Martínez Carrasco ay nakarinig sila ng boses ng isang babae na tinatawag ang pangalan ng una. Pagtalikod nila ay nakita nila si Inspektor Natalie Guzman  na palapit sa kanila.

“Nasaan na ang lalaking sinasabi mong natagpuang duguan kanina?” tanong ni Eli sa kasamahang inspektor.

“Nasa Room 203 siya. Wala pa ring malay hanggang ngayon.” Tugon ni Natalie.

“Malala ba ang natamo niyang sugat?” usisa naman ni James. “Saan siya natagpuan?”

“May sugat siya sa noo—halatang pinag-uuntog sa pader o sa kahit anong matigas na bagay. May saksak rin siya sa binti. Nakita siya kaninang tanghali sa labas ng bahay ng isang ginang na nakatayo malapit sa Manuyo, Las Piñas.”

“Puntahan natin siya.” Pag-aaya naman ni Detective Gabriel. “Malay mo magkamalay na iyon.”

“Mabuti pa nga.” Pagsang-ayon ni Natalie. “Halika kayo.”

Tinungo ng apat ang Room 203 na isang ward kung saan nadatnan nila na wala pa ring malay na nakaratay sa kanyang higaan ang pasyente. Kapansin-pansin ang benda ng pasyente sa ulo dahil sa matinding sugat ang natamo nito.

“Kawawa naman ang lalaking iyan.” Wika ni James. “Mukhang matinding paghihirap ang kanyang sinapit kay Mister Nice Guy.”

“Are there any information you’ve got about this man?” tanong ni Gabriel kay Natalie. “What is his condition according to the doctors?”

“Sabi ng mga doktor, ayos naman ang pasyente. Magkakamalay rin ang lalaki.”

“Any information about him?”

“Sa ngayon wala pa. Wala kaming nakuhang mga bagay na maaari niyang pagkakilanlan dahil hubo’t hubad siya nang matagpuan. Siya nga pala, alam na ito ni boss at may inutusan na siyang tao upang mahanap ang posibilidad na kamag-anak ng biktima.”

Maya-maya’y may dumating na isang doktor at isang nurse upang i-check-up ang pasyente. Gamit ang stethoscope, sinuri ng doktor ang paghinga ng pasyente.

“Doktor,” panimula ni Natalie, “kumusta na po ang lagay ng pasyente?”

Ngumiti naman ang doktor. “Maayos na ang paghinga niya. He will soon regain his conciousness. Let’s wait.”

Huminga ng malalim si James. “Sana magkamalay na siya ngayon para matanong na natin siya.”

Ngunit dininig ng Panginoon ang kanyang hiling. Gumalaw ang mga daliri sa kanang kamay ng pasyente. Nakita ito ng lahat. “Nagkamalay na siya.” Anang doktor.

“Sa wakas!” naibulalas ni Eli. “Baka matanong na natin siya tungkol sa mga nangyari sa kanya.”

Unti-unting dinilat ng lalaki ang kanyang mga mata. Sumalubong sa kanya ang nakasisilaw na liwanag. Paglingon niya sa kanyang tagiliran ay nakita niya ang mga taong hindi niya kilala kaya napabangon siya sa kanyang higaan at nagsisigaw. “Sino kayo? Tulong! Tulungan niyo ako! Papatayin nila ako! Tulong!”

Agad namang pinigilan siya ng dalawang nurse na lalaki na biglang sumaklolo matapos marinig ang sigaw ng pasyente sa Room 203. Nagulat naman ang ibang pasyenteng naroroon rin sa loob ng ward na iyon at napabangon upang makiusisa.

“It’s okay.” Wika ng doktor sa lalaki habang pinakakalma ito. “Hindi ka namin sasaktan. Mabubuti kaming tao.”

“Lumayo kayo sa akin! Mga demonyo! Mga demonyoooo!”

“Bigyan niyo ng pampatulog ang pasyente!” utos ng doktor sa isang babaeng nurse. Agad namang sumunod ang babaeng nurse at binigyan ang lalaki ng pampatulog.

“Mga demonyo kayo! Pinatay niyo ang kaibigan ko....” nanghina ang lalaki pagkatapos siya tarakan ng gamot na pampatulog. Ilang saglit lang ay nakatulog ulit ito.

“Masyado siyang natakot sa nangyari sa kanya kagabi.” Sabi ni James sa mga kasamahan. “Matinding pagpapahirap ang ginawa ni Mister Nice Guy sa biktimang ito.”

“Takot na takot siya. Kahit tayo pinagkamalan niyang kaaway.” ani Eli.

Nagsalita naman si Gabriel sa mga kasama. “I think he’s under stress and fear due to his bad experiences last night. Palagay ko nawala na ang kanyang katinuan dahil sa mga pangyayari. Maaaring bumalik ang kanyang katinuan if we do some therapy.”

“Ibig mong sabihin maaaring mabaliw ang pasyente?” usisa ni Natalie.

Tumango si Gabriel. “Kung mababaliw siya, mahirap para sa atin na magtanong tungkol sa kanyang karanasan kay Mister Nice Guy. Maaari kasi siyang magwala kung mababanggit natin tungkol sa nagtangkang pumatay sa kanya. Mahihirapan tayo sa imbestigasyon natin at sa pagkakadakip kay Mister Nice Guy.”

“Siya pa naman ang number one witness na maaaring makatulong sa pangangalap ng impormasyon tungkol kay Mister Nice Guy. Kung mababaliw siya, mahihirapan tayo sa ating imbestigasyon.” Ani James habang nakatingin sa lalaking kani-kanina lamang ay nagsisigaw na paran baliw.

“Maaaring maibalik ang kanyang katinuan.” Pahayag ni Gabriel. “Kaso medyo matatagalan dahil matagal magamot ang isang taong baliw.”

Lahat sila napabuntong-hiniga. Hindi nila iyon inaasahan.

*          *          *

SA SQUATTERS’ AREA nakatirik ang sinasabing tirahan ng babaeng nagngangalang Rina. Kahit na hindi maganda ang paligid sa paningin ni Mar ay minabuti pa rin niyang halughugin ang lugar na iyon para matagpuan lamang ang pakay. Nais sana niyang isama si James sa kanyang lakad ngunit nagpaliban lamang ang huli dahil nasa ospital ito at kasalukuyang nag-iimbestiga sa isang lalaking pasyente na pinaniniwalaang biktima ni Mister Nice Guy.

Maingat na pinagmamasdan ni Mar ang buong paligid, nangangambang may makasalubong siyang mga taong halang ang bituka. Ngunit napag-isip-isip niyang isa siyang alagad ng batas at walang dahilan upang matakot sa mga iyon.

Sa paglalakad niya ay nakita ni Mar ang isang matandang babae na naglalaba (kahit malapit nang sumapit ang gabi) malapit sa poso na siyang pangunahing pinagkukuhanan ng tubig ng mga taga-roon. Naisipan ng detective na magtanong sa matandang abalang-abala sa pagkukuskos ng damit. “Ale, saan po ba ang bahay ni Rina?”

Tumingin sa kanya ang matanda na parang nag-uusig. “Maraming babae rito na Rina ang pangalan.” Paismid na wika nito.

Namutla si Mar sa dating ng boses ng matanda. Tila ayaw nitong maistorbo sa  kanyang ginagawa. “Pasensiya na po...salamat na lang...”

Balak na sanang iwanan ni Mar ang matandang babae ngunit pinigilan siya ng huli. “Teka, si Rina Montana ba ang hinahanap mo? Yung prosti?”

Nagulat si Mar. “Opo.”

Napaismid muli ang matanda. “Ikaw yata ang bago niyang kliyente.”

“Naku, nagkakamali po kayo.” Tutol ni Mar. “May itatanong lamang ako sa kanya.”

Tumawa ang matanda. “Alam mo bang hitik na hitik si Rina sa mga kagaya mong lalaki kaya sawa na kami sa ganyang dahilan!”

“Saan ko po siya makikita?”

“Diyan sa bandang kaliwa, malapit sa tindahang iyan.” Itinuro ng matanda ang direksiyon. “Pagdating mo diyan sa tindahan, sabihin mo lang sa lalaking nagbabantay diyan na hinahanap mo si Rina at sasamahan ka niya.”

“Sige po, salamat.”

Tumawa muli ang matanda. “Sa guwapo mong iyan hindi ka na sisingilin pa ni Rina sa kanyang serbisyo.” Hirit pa nito.

Hindi ito narinig ni Mar. “Ano po?”

“Hala, punta ka na diyan! Inaabala mo ang aking paglalaba!”

Dahil sa sobrang lakas ng boses ng babae ay namula si Mar sa sobrang kahihiyan. Pinagtitinginan kasi siya ng mga lalaking istambay habang kinakausap niya ang mahaderang matanda.

Patuloy na naglakad si Mar hanggang sa sapitin niya ang tindahan sa bandang kaliwa. Doon ay napansin niya ang limang lalaking nag-iinuman kahit magtatakipsilim pa lamang. Ngunit dedma lamang siya rito at tinungo na lamang niya ang tindahan upang bumili ng sigarilyo at magtanong tungkol kay Rina.

Pagkabili sa sigarilyo ay agad siyang nagtanong sa tindero tungkol sa lokasyon ng bahay ni Rina. “Manong, saan po ba ang bahay ni Rina?”

Nagulat ang tindero sa tanong ni Mar. Nagtinginan naman kay Mar ang mga lalaking kanina pa naglalasing.

Nag-aalinlangang sumagot ang matandang tindero. “Ang bahay ni Rina ay dalawang bahay lamang ang pagitan mula dito.”

Nakahinga ng malalim si Mar. “Salamat po.”

“Teka, iho,” pigil ng matanda, “anong kailangan mo pala kay Rina?”

Ang pagiging mausisero ng mga tao sa lugar na iyon ang nagdulot ng pagkairita ni Mar ngunit hindi siya nagpahalata. “Basta, may mahalaga lang po akong itatanong sa kanya.” Magalang niyang tugon.

Tinungo ni Mar ang bahay na sinabi ng matanda. Napansin naman niyang nakatingin sa hindi kalayuan ang matanda at ang limang naglalasingang mga lalaki, parang may inaabatang eksena. Mga tsismoso.

Kumatok siya ng tatlong beses. “Tao po! Tao po!”

Walang sumagot.

“Tao po! Tao po!”

Lumapit naman sa kanya ang matandang tindero na kanina lamang ay kausap niya. “Umalis na yata si Rina papunta sa bar na kanyang pinapasukan. Alas-kuwatro pa lamang kasi umaalis na ang babeng iyon e!”

“Ganoon po ba?” nanghihinayang na wika ng detective. “Minamalas yata ako ngayon.”

Ngumiti naman ang tindero. “Huwag kang mag-alala at sasabihin namin sa kanya na dumating ka. Boyfriend ka ba niya? Mukha kang mayaman.”

Napansin ni Mar na mahiwaga ang ngiti ng tindero. Parang may iniisip na hindi maganda.

“Hindi po niya ako boyfriend.” Pagtutol ni Mar. “Nandidito po ako upang may itanong lamang sa kanya. Pulis-detective po ako.” Sabay ipinakita ang kanyang tsapa.

Nagulat ang tindero at biglang nangilag. “Sige, mauna na ako.” Sabay talikod nito sa detective.

Pinigil ni Mar ang matanda. “Teka, sandali po.”

Humarap muli ang matanda. “Huhulihin mo ba siya? Naku, ayaw kong masangkot sa gulo. Mapanganib si Rina.” Bakas sa mukha nito ang labis na takot at pag-aalala.

Nagtaka naman ang detective sa sinabi ng matanda. “Mapanganib?”

Tumango ang tindero. “Noong sinabi mo sa akin na pulis ka e kinabahan ako, tiyak kong huhulihin mo siya.” Maya-maya’y bumulong ito sa detective. “Kasapi kasi si Rina sa isang sindikato ng droga dito sa amin. Kung huhulihin mo siya, huwag mo lang ipag-aalam na ako ang nagturo sa kanyang kinaroroonan. Baka malintikan ako sa mga kasama niya e!”

Nagulat si Mar sa bago niyang nadiskubre tungkol sa hinahanap. “Ganito na lang,” pagpapatuloy niya, “huwag mo na lang sabihin sa mga tagarito na pulis ako. Sabihin mo na lang na isa ako sa mga kliyente niya.”

Tumango ang tindero. “Sige, masusunod.”

“Saang bar siya nagtatrabaho?” muling tanong ni Mar sa tindero.

Una ay nag-aalinlangan ang matandang tindero na sagutin ang katanungan ng detective ngunit sa bandang huli ay nagpasya siyang sabihin ang lugar na pinaglilingkuran ni Rina. “Sa isang bar sa Malate. Maligamgam Night Club ang pangalan.”

Kasingbilis ng kidlat bumalik sa isipan ni Mar ang kalapit na men’s bar ng Cadens sa Malate—ang Maligamgam Night Club. Hindi makapaniwala ang detective na doon lang pala naghahanapbuhay ang kanyang pakay.  “Doon siya nagtatrabaho?”

Tumango ang lalaki. “Ngayong alam mo na, layuan mo na ako. Huwag mo akong idadamay sa gagawin mo dahil ayaw kong mapahamak.”

“Huwag kang mag-alala at wala akong gagawing pag-uusig kay Rina. May itatanong lang ako tungkol sa dalawang napatay ni Mister Nice Guy noong isang gabi.”

Umalis na agad ang matandang tindero at iniwan siyang nag-iisa sa gitna ng maputik na iskinita. Napangisi si Mar. “Miyembro pala ng isang sindikato ang Rinang iyon. Maaari ko siyang gamitin upang mahuli ang iba pa niyang mga kasamang drug pushers at makakatulong rin siya sa aming imbestigasyon tungkol kay Mister Nice Guy.”

Huminga ng malalim si Mar. Bakas sa mukha niya ang labis na pagkairita. Doon lang pala siya nagtatrabaho sa bar na malapit sa Cadens. Nagpakapagod pa akong pumunta sa madumi at mabahong lugar na ito.

*          *          *

MASAYANG NAGLALARO ng PSP2 si Krishna habang naroroon siya sa garahe ng kanilang bahay. Ang kanyang lola na si Aling Mameng ay abalang-abala naman sa pagluluto ng kanilang hapunan. Habang naglalaro ay nakaramdam ang bata ng kakaiba mula sa kanyang paligid. Naririto na naman sila, ito ang nasa isip ni Krishna noong mga oras na iyon. Agad niyang pinatay ang kanyang laruan at tumayo sa kanyang pagkakaupo at doon siya nagmasid at nakiramdam sa paligid. Alas-sais eksakto ng gabi. Maaaninag na ang bilog na buwan sa magtatakipsilim na kalangitan. Maya-maya’y isang dampi ng malamig at kakaibang simoy ng hangin ang kanyang naramdaman sa kanyang balat. Nagulat si Krishna at nilingon ang kanyang likuran.

Walang tao.

Nagbuntong-hininga si Krishna. Si Kuya Alex siguro iyon.

Narinig naman ng bata ang boses ng kanyang lola. “Apo, pumasok ka na sa loob at gabi na.”

Hindi kumibo si Krishna. Patuloy pa rin siyang nakikiramdam sa kanyang paligid.

Kuya Alex, huwag mo naman po akong takutin ng ganyan.

Maya-maya’y isang malamig na hangin ang muling dumampi sa kanyang balikat. Sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan ay kinilabutan sa buong katawan ang bata. Pakiramdam niya may tao sa kanyang likuran.

Nagpasya siyang lumingon pagkatapos.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Krishna sa kanyang nakita. Isang nakakatakot at nakakarimarim na anyo ng isang lalaking duguan at walang mga mata ang kanyang nakita. Dahil dito nagsisigaw sa takot ang bata at patakbong pumasok sa loob ng kanilang bahay.

*          *          *

PAGOD NA PAGOD na sina James, Natalie, Eli at Detective Martínez dahil sa kani-kanilang mga trabaho bilang mga alagad ng batas. Habang nasa loob pa rin ng opsital at nakaupo sa mga mahahabang upuan na malapit sa information desk ay napagpasyahan ng apat na magkuwentuhan na lamang.

“Alam niyo,” panimula ni Natalie, “ang hirap ng trabaho natin ilang mga alagad ng batas. Kayo ba hindi napapagod sa ating trabaho.”

Umiling si James. “Masaya ako sa trabaho ko. Gusto ko kasing makatulong sa kapwa sa pagpapanatili ng kaayusan at katahimikan. Hindi ako napapagod.”

Natuwa naman si Eli. “Naks naman, sabi ko na nga ba magiging heneral ka balang-araw!”

“James is trully dedicated to his work.” Papuri naman ni Gabriel. “He’s a good and model policeman. Sana lahat ng mga pulis katulad niya tapat sa tungkulin.”

Namula naman si James sa mga natatanggap niyang papuri mula sa mga kasamahan. “Ginagawa ko lang ang tungkulin ko at saka may inspirasyon ako kaya dedicated ako sa aking trabaho.”

“Si Laura Echegaray?” diretsang wika ni Natalie.

“Hindi lang siya. Inspirasyon ko rin ang aking pamangkin na si Krishna at ang ama niya na nagbuwis ng buhay alang-alang sa kapayapaan ng bansa.” Dagdag ni James.

“Sino siya?” usisa ni Natalie. “Iyon ba yung kapatid mong namatay sa bakbakan sa Basilan? Si Jake ba iyon?”

Tumango si James. “Kaya ako pumasok sa pulisya ay dahil naging inspirasyon ko ang aking kapatid. Isa siyang matapang at huwarang sundalo. Kaya noong araw na mapatay siya sa bakbakan sa Basilan ay labis akong nagdalamhati at ipinangako ko sa kanyang labi na tutularan ko siya at magiging isang tagapagtanggol ng kapayapaan.”

“Ang galing naman.” Napahangang wika ni Eli.

“At saka nagsisikap akong maging isang mabuting pulis upang mabigyan ko ng magandang halimbawa ang pamangkin ko na ulila na sa mga magulang at bilang pagtanaw ng utang na loob para sa mga sakripisyong ibinigay ni Kuya Jake para maigapang ako sa aking pag-aaral.”

“Kaya pala mahal na mahal mo ang pamangkin mong si Krishna.” Ani Natalie. Maya-maya’y may naalala ito tungkol sa pamangkin ng binatang pulis. “Siya nga pala, hindi ba’t ang sabi mo, may third eye ang pamangkin mo?”

“Oo. Sa totoo lang, labis nga akong nag-aalala sa pamangkin kong iyon dahil kung anu-ano na lamang ang kanyang nakikita. Natatakot nga ako baka makasama ito sa kanyang pag-iisip. Ang napag-aralan ko kasi sa psychology, ang mga taong nakakakita ng mga multo ay likha lamang ng guni-guni o bunga ng malikot na imahinasyon. Ngunit sa lagay ng aking pamangkin ay naniniwala akong nakakakita siya ng multo. Madali kasi ko makaramdam kung may kakaiba sa paligid.”

Nagsalita naman si Gabriel. “Some people have gifted extrasensory perception—they have the power to perceive things that are not present to the five senses. I have also a sister from Barcelona who is gifted with sixth sense that is why I also believe in it. Having a third eye is also accompanied by clairvoyance, or fortune telling. Maybe your nephew can also predict the future or he may also use his ability to communicate with the dead to know the future.”

“Did you mean necromancy?” tanong ni James.

Tumango si Gabriel. “Necromancy is the ability to conjure a dead to be used in prophesying.”

“Ang alam ko ang necromancy ay isang evil doing and you must have a certain magic to be performed before summoning the dead.”

“Necromancy is not an evil doing. Magagamit natin ito sa kabutihan. Maaari tayong tulungan ng iyong pamangkin upang tawagin ang mga kaluluwa ng mga pinatay ni Mister Nice Guy at ituro nila sa atin ang daan kung paano mahuhuli ang serial killer na iyon.”

Natahimik ang tatlo sa mga sinabi ni Gabriel. Nag-isip-isip.

“I know it’s weird but it is the best way to capture that monster. Mapapadali ang ating imbestigasyon kung tutulungan tayo ni Krishna na gumamit ng isang paranormal activity.”

Tumutol naman si James. “Ayaw kong mapahamak ang pamangkin ko. Delikadong masangkot pa si Krishna sa trabaho natin. Hindi ako papayag!”

“James, your nephew is the answer. Mabibigyan ng hustisya ang mga napatay ni Mister Nice Guy at magiging utang na loob nila ito sa iyong pamangkin.” Pagkukumbinsi pa ni Gabriel.

“Kahit na, hindi pa rin ako papayag!”

“James,” si Natalie na ang nagsalita, “alam nating medyo mapanganib ito pero this is the way para mas mapadali ang pagbibigay natin ng hustisya sa mga biktima. Isipin mong para ito sa kaibigan mong si Alex Echegaray. He needs justice. Kung tutulungan tayo ng pamangkin mo, magiging mapayapa na ang kaluluwa niya, kung nasaan man siya.”

“May kakayahan si Krishna na makipag-usap sa mga patay. You must think why God gave your nephew that ability to communicate with the dead? May dahilan ang Diyos sa pagkakabiyaya niya ng third eye sa iyong pamangkin.”

Kumapi naman si Eli sa binatang pulis. “Tama si James, huwag nating isama pa dito ang kanyang pamangkin. Baka pati siya malagay sa panganib! Hindi natin alam kung anong mayroong pagkatao si Mister Nice Guy. Hindi natin alam kung unan o pader ang binabangga natin. Nauunawaan ko siya dahil nag-aalala lamang siya sa kaligtasan ng kanyang pamangkin.”

Natahimik sina Gabriel at Natalie.

“Pasensiya na kayo.” Wika ni James, tila malungkot. “Sana maunawaan niyo ako. Mahal na mahal ko ang aking pamangkin at ayaw ko siyang mapahamak.”

Ilang saglit lamang ay muling nagsalita si Gabriel. “Tama ka. Manganganib lamang ang buhay niya. Bata pa ang iyong pamangkin. I’m sorry...”

Nanatiling walang kibo si James. Tila nag-iisip ng malalim.

Nagpatuloy si Gabriel. “Personally, as a psychiatrist I do not believe in ghost but since my sister once helped me to solve a rape case, I changed my concept about it. She was also gifted with sixth sense and she communicate with the dead victim. Later, my sister succeeded and helped me brought the killer to the jail. But this is another case.”

Samantalang, tumunog naman ang cellphone ni James. Message received.

Agad niyang binasa ang mensahe na galing kay Mar.

James, bumalik ako d2 s Malate upang puntahan ang huling nksama nna Alex at Jordan. Mlpit lmang sa Cadens ang bar n pnpasukan ni Rina. Mrmi akng sa2bihin s yo 2m 2ngkol sa bago kng ndskubre s Rinang iyon. Nyt Ü

Ano naman kaya ang nadiskubre ni Mar sa pagkatao ng Rinang iyon? Ito ang itinatanong ng kanyang isipan. May kinalaman kaya ang Rinang iyon sa pagkamatay nina Alex at Jordan Morales?

Sa hindi sinasadya ay napalingon si James sa pinto ng Intensive Care Unit sa bandang kanan ng information desk. Napatitig siya sa salaming transparent ng naturang pinto. Tanaw na tanaw niyang nagkakagulo ang mga doktor sa pagsalba sa buhay ng pasyente. Ngunit sa kanyang pagtingin ay biglang may nagpakita sa kanya—isang kakaibang tao ang nakasilip sa salamin at matatalim na titig ang ibinabato nito sa kanya. Kinalaunan, napagtanto niyang hindi ito isa sa mga doktor o mga alalay na nurse. Nakaramdam ng panghihilabot ang binatang pulis.

Isang multo ang kanyang nakita.

And I'm unashamed.

Mostly, I think the show is full of shit. But it's entertaining shit so I keep watching it season after season. I probably should have stopped after the third or so season, but it's also addictive shit. So there's no stopping until some sort of intervention happens... or until CBS cancels the show, whichever comes first.

This season, Survivor's theme is "Earth's Last Eden" and it's being shot in Gabon, Africa. The premise is that Gabon, Africa is the last protected, untouched, unspoiled paradise on Earth. Really?

[Full Disclosure: I have nothing against Africa. It's a continent full of greedy, drug-dealing, genocidal despots. But then, what continent isn't?]

I have a problem with the notion of paradise being anywhere on or associated with Africa. First of all, there's the aforementioned greedy, drug-dealing, genocidal despots. I have the general impression that they seem to have more than their fair share.

Then there's the location itself... I dunno, I never imagined paradise having quite so many man-eating animals lurking. If Survivor footage is to be believed (and really, you can't believe anything on Survivor to be real - still), then there are alligators/crocodiles, snakes, elephants, insects and more all waiting to gobble up the nearest homosapiens. Really, if I could design my own paradise, any animal that isn't 100% completely in love with the idea of living in harmony with me just wouldn't make it inside.

And I gotta admit, I never thought I'd need 50+ shots to enter paradise. Perhaps 50 is an exaggeration, but not much of one. In my own created paradise, you wouldn't need a few series of TB or rabies vaccinations to enter.

Last, but certainly not least, I wouldn't place paradise on a continent where squat toilets are commonplace. Ew. Paradise must surely have superb indoor plumbing.

So yeah. Paradise has to have man-loving animals, no deadly viruses, and exceptional plumbing to be paradise. Otherwise, I'll just stay home, thanks.

Ted Briggs, the last of only three survivors of the sinking of the British battle cruiser HMS Hood during the Second World War, has died at the age of 85.
 
On the evening of May 23, 1941, the German pocket battleship Bismarck and heavy cruiser Prinz Eugen were sighted in the Denmark Strait and on their way to the Atlantic where they would pose an enormous threat to the convoys from America that were supplying Britain.
 
HMS Hood, along with HMS Prince of Wales and six destroyers, went to intercept them.  At 5:35 a.m. on May 24, Hood spotted the enemy and closed in to attack.  The British ship fired off six salvoes before the German vessel returned fire but when it did, it do so with devastating effect.
 
The third German salvo hit the base of Hood's mainmast, causing a fire.  Another hit just above the compass platform.  Then the final salvo hit, penetrating the deck armor and hitting Hood's magazine, resulting in a catastrophic explosion that tore the ship in half and sending up a column of flame four times the height of the main mast.
 
Briggs, an 18-year-old Flag Lieutenant's messenger, was on Hood's compass platform and recalled that he was lifted off his feet and dumped headfirst on the deck.  "Then she started listing to starboard.  She righted herself and started going over to port.  When she had gone over by about 40 degrees, we realized she was not coming back."
 
HMS Hood sank within three minutes. 

Briggs was sucked down beneath the sea.  He later wrote: "I had heard it was nice to drown.  I stopped trying to swim upwards.  The water was a peaceful cradle – I was ready to meet my God.  My blissful acceptance of death ended in a sudden surge beneath me, which shot me to the surface like a decanted cork in a champagne bottle.  I turned and, 50 yards away, I could see the bows of the Hood vertical in the sea.  It was the most frightening aspect of my ordeal and a vision which was to recur in terrifying nightmares for the next 40 years."
 
He swam clear of the stricken ship and, when he next looked back, she had gone.  Out of a crew of 1418 only two other men survived – Midshipman William Dundas and Able-Seaman Bob Tilburn.  All three clung to small rafts and were close to death from hypothermia when the destroyer HMS Electra picked them up four hours later.  Their rescuers could not believe that there was no sign of anyone else from Hood, alive or dead.
 
The sinking of the pride of the Royal Navy and the appalling loss of life shocked the nation.  Some people later recalled it as the most devastating news of the entire war.  Prime Minister Winston Churchill famously signaled to the fleet, "The Bismarck must be sunk at all costs."

In the next few days, the Royal Navy expended every effort to avenge the sinking of HMS Hood.  A torpedo attack by Fairey Swordfish aircraft, launched from HMS Ark Royal, crippled the Bismarck on the evening of May 26.  She was brought to battle and sunk on the morning of May 27 1941.
 
Briggs served 35 years in the navy, reaching the rank of lieutenant.  He was appointed MBE in 1973.  He was president of the HMS Hood Association and, in July 2001, visited the site of the wreck and released a plaque to commemorate the ship and those who served in her.
 
Both of his fellow survivors predeceased him:  William Dundas in 1965 and Bob Tilburn in 1995.
 
[Based on reports by The Daily Telegraph, Associated Press and Daily Mail.]

"The Survivor Foundation was created to help individuals rise above devastating circumstances and natural disasters such as Hurricane Ike. When we saw this story we knew we could help this couple in their moment of crisis to still have their dream wedding," said Tina Knowles, President and Director of the Survivor Foundation. Over the past few years, the Survivor Foundation has donated over two and a half million dollars just in the Houston area alone. Initiatives with The Knowles-Rowland Center, Temenos Place Apartments, St. John's Church, Houston Habitat for Humanity, the Beyonce World Tour Food Drives, Music World Cares, and Katrina Relief are just a few of the community efforts of the foundation with Beyonce being the major contributor.

WHO: The Survivor Foundation, The Knowles Family, Wedding Party, Family and Friends of Nathan Rhodes and Ronda Lotter
WHAT: Wedding for Nathan Rhodes and Ronda Lotter
WHERE: House of Dereon Media Center at 2204 Hadley Street in Houston, TX.
WHEN: Friday, October 10, 2008 at 7:30pm -- 1:30am

In addition, the Survivor Foundation with the assistance of wedding consultant Gay Nowlin of Brides Houston (www.Brides.com) has located other companies who have also generously donated their services to help make this day special for the bride and groom. These vendors include:
Wedding Coordinator - For Your Memories -- Summer Hutchens - www.summerforyourmemories.com
Linen/Decor: Elegant Beginnings, Jill Videl -- www.elegantbeginningsinc.com
Catering: Bailey Conner Catering -- Veronika Levine -- www.baileyconnercatering.com
Beverages: Capital Beverage, Ceci Krammer -- www.houstonbeverage.com
Videographer: Imagine Videos -- Rolando Guajardo -- www.imaginevideos.com
Alexander Wedding Films -- Alex White -- www.alexanderweddingfilms.com
Limo: Avanti Transportation, Michael -- www.avantilimos.com
Make up: Kristi Gomez -- Make Up Artist, Rice Village

More donations are needed to help pay for the remaining expenses; those interested in donating please contact The Survivor Foundation at (713) 289-5710.

Ronda and Nathan met October 6, 2005, at a karaoke event. Nathan was so smitten with Ronda he tried to impress her by singing "Piano Man" and it must have worked because they have been together ever since, and despite the setback from Hurricane Ike, with the help of a lot of caring and generous supporters, they are able to go forward with their dream wedding on October 10, 2008 at the House of Dereon!

www.rondaandnathan.com

About House of Dereon Media Center
Owned and operated by Music World Entertainment, House of Dereon Media Center (HODMC), a beautiful state of the art media and conference center, is one of the best kept secrets in Houston's Midtown area. The eclectic special events venue is located in the magnificent art deco building, located at 2204 Crawford Street, four (4) blocks from The Toyota Center. HODMC is located inside the headquarters for the worldwide operation of Music World Entertainment (MWE), the management company of global phenomenon Destiny's Child (Beyonce, Kelly Rowland, and Michelle Williams), the highest selling girl group in the history of pop music.

While The House of Dereon Media Center has hosted dinners for Fortune 500 Companies and performances by Grammy award winning superstars, like Beyonce, John Legend, Destiny's Child, and other artists like Lyfe Jennings and Estelle, it is also a spectacular setting for weddings, fundraisers, parties, conferences and other private events. HODMC is a 4,300 square foot venue, which can host intimate parties or festive outdoor events. It is a state of the art venue with premium lighting and sound system, plasma screens, VIP area, stage, and much more. For more information, please view www.houseofdereonmediacenter.com, and for corporate rental rates and availability, contact Director Natalie Jones, (Tel. 713-289-5710) natalie.jones@musicworldent.com

ABOUT THE SURVIVOR FOUNDATION:
The Survivor Foundation is a 501(c)(3) organization designed to assist persons displaced whose lives have been affected by disasters, natural or otherwise.The Survivor Foundation, a family charity supported by Beyonce, Mathew and Tina Knowles, Kelly Rowland and Solange Knowles, also helps people in need, providing assistance to children and to those suffering from AIDS and homelessness.
To learn more, please visit www.thesurvivorfoundation.com.
SOURCE: Music World Entertainment

Survivor Foundation / Music World Entertainment
Marcus Harris, 832-692-3371
marcus.harris@musicworldnet.com
or
Priscilla Clarke, 240-476-9643
pclarkepr@aol.com
Copyright Business Wire 2008

America's Next Top Model: A recap of last night's episode.

The Girls Next Door: Hugh Hefner confirms his break-up with Holly.

Survivor: Check out this great dissection of the tease for tonight's episode. Paloma knew she was going home before Tribal Council.

Project Runway: It's the news all Runway fans have been dreading. The show may not air until at least next summer as the legal wrangling continues.

The Amazing Race: Anthony and Stephanie blame their ouster on a string of bad taxis.

American Idol: Kellie Pickler, an Idol alumna, says she battled depression. Paris Bennett, another Idol alumna, gives birth to a baby girl. Jennifer Hudson's debut album does well.

Dancing With the Stars: Kim Kardashian says she isn't returning to the show.

Real Housewives of Atlanta: The women suffer from "new money syndrome," an O.C. housewife says. The show isn't good PR for black women, one blog says. This review calls the show "self-indulgent to the point of boredom."

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="218" caption="Jon and Kate and their eight children/TLC"][/caption]

Jon and Kate Plus 8: Kate tries to get spa treatments once a month.

The Bachelorette: Looks like ABC wants to shoot another season of the show.

Top Chef: Meet Toby Young, the show's new judge. Check out these bios of the Season Five contestants.

Random bits: Fame, not money, drives reality TV contestants. Will Omarosa and Donald Trump team up to film a dating show?

at 02:45 a.m., on this day in 1992, right here in johannesburg, a man came flying through my door while i was lying sketching  in bed and over the next half hour, proceeded to rape me at knife-point. 

it was the yeoville rapist, at the time, on a spree terrorizing the women in my neighborhood (now in jail due to his fingerprint on the glass of water i handed him). the police had put out a profile saying that he was targeting young white, blonde women. i certainly wasn't white (the government at the time made sure i was aware of that) and i wasn't blonde and being a 12 year incest survivor, i certainly didn't think the universe had this ordeal in mind for me as well. so when the neighbor's dogs barked all night, i ignored them. when i heard the creaking of the floorboards, i thought that i really should ask my tenants in my duplex next door, to be a little quieter at this time of night. little did i know.

half an hour later when my friend who was staying with me for the week, came home, preventing the threatened encore to my involuntary experience, the guy finally took off over the back wall and any plans for my immediate future came crashing domino-down. the worst violation was not being raped, it was that he stole my sense of immunity, that thing we all need to get through the day, past the horrendous leading news stories, the thing that helps us believe "it won't happen to me". once it does, it's as if you can never let your guard down. every noise you hear is the warning you didn't heed, every person you see who looks vaguely like the guy, is a threat. the only night i spent alone in the house after that night, was spent walking from the front door to the back, investigating every little rustle. and i was probaby right, because 2 weeks later when i flew to new york to be with the man who would become my husband, he broke into my house again and attacked 2 women who were house-sitting for me.

6 months later i had, even though i didn't yet know it at the time, moved to the states, gotten married and developed both ovarian cysts and grave's disease, a hereditary hyper-thyroid condition which i didn't even know i had, but which can manifest itself after a major trauma. i walked away from my house, my career, my life, my family and friends and i did not come back till i got the role on this soap 3 years ago. i really never envisioned myself coming back to jhb ever again.

it took me years to recover from that night. in fact i don't know that i will ever be fully "recovered", but coming back to jhb forced me to stop running and face the demon, acknowledge it and say "namaste". for many years this day would bite me. i spent at least the first year in bed with the duvet pulled over my head. a measure of my recovery is that i only remembered what day it was as i was driving to work this morning. a far cry from the constricting dread that would overcome me in the weeks leading up to this day in other years.

 

man with a gun (lyrics to a song i wrote)
it was almost 3 a.m.
a quarter to, to be exact
i heard a noise above the music
but i didn't face the facts

then through the door you came
your knifing eyes foretold my pain
and though it wasn't for my life you came
now it will never be the same

it was almost 3 a.m.
a quarter to, to be exact
i heard a noise above the music
but i didn't face the facts

now i never can again
look the same at other men
though they didn't lie me on the floor
to take what they had come there for

even while i hid inside my head
imagining you in pools of red
i remember staring at the carpet
the one i'd chosen from the market

it was almost 3 a.m.
a quarter to, to be exact
i heard a noise above the music
but i didn't face the facts

3.15 you took with you
my feeling of immunity
and in it's stead you left in lieu
hell in perpetuity

it was almost 3 a.m.
a quarter to, to be exact
i heard a noise above the music
but i didn't face the facts

 

http:phoenixflying.net - my site for survivors 

It's so beautiful out here and fall is definitely in the air.  A walk in the woods is most uplifting at this time of day - the colors are actually glowing in the sunlight. Thus the choice of font color - one of the shades I see as I gaze across the field to the tree line.   If everyone was blessed with their own little piece of the great outdoors, our culture would be very different, I believe!

Some day this old farm will fulfill a new mission, probably quite different from what my ancestors had in mind when they cleared this land and built this old house 120+ years ago.  Quite different, probably, too, than what my grandmothers, two generations of them,  would have foreseen.  Their lives were hard, no doubt, not unusual for their time.     But could they possibly understand me, relate to the experiences of my life, those that have so shaped what this Barnabette person is all about?  I like to believe that one of my grandmothers, the one I remember as having white hair and a twinkle  in her eye, would get it, that she'd be proud of me and supportive of my vision to turn this wonderful old place into a haven of healing for hurting women and children, just as it has been for me.

Back to my studio, the day is not yet done.  More musings as the time for quiet approaches.

I know there are a lot of reasons people choose their particular political affiliation.  Each party and candidate has to take a stance on a variety of issues, and I realize that different issues resonate differently with different people.  Some people vote based on their economic situation, others look to their views about foreign war, and some actually rely solely on their religious views.

Sure, it would make far more sense for voters to weigh the relative importance of all a candidate's positions in regard to the current challenges facing our nation and make an informed decision based on all factors, but I get what an unrealistic prospect this is.  And I'm really okay with that, as long as people are truthful about their intentions.

If you are most concerned with protecting your wealth, just admit that you don't want to cast a vote that will take money out of your pocket.  If you are a highly religious, just admit that you would never support a candidate who supports a woman's right to choose. If you are a bigot, just admit that you favor discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

See, these issues are relatively unrelated and your stance on one doesn't necessarily have to define your views on the other.  I actually find it baffling when someone walks a party line on every major issue (I mean, a pro-life person who is also pro-war and favors the death penalty? How unbelievably illogical!), but this also happens a lot, and I'm okay with this, too.

But even if you do happen to support a full slate of conservative tenets, this certainly does not require you to accept hateful, race-bating, violence-inducing slander coming out of a candidate's camp at face value.  I am NOT okay with that.  And, much like your co-hosts on The View, I took your thoughtless regurgitation of this type of shit "super-personally."

I take it "super-personally" when Sarah Palin thinks I am stupid enough to let her ugly, dangerous, hypocritical stump speech distract me from the fact that she has not yet given a press conference.  I take it "super-personally" when the Secret Service has to investigate death threats coming from the a rabid crowd at a McCain/Palin campaign stop, threats that have not been condemned by either of the candidates on that ticket.  And I take it "super-personally" when someone spouting unexamined filth on national television instead of furthering a constructive discourse of real issues doesn't take what she's saying "super-personally."

Based on your recent actions on The View - in which you legitimized vile, desperate statements made by Sarah Palin and the McCain camp, statements that have already resulted in racist and violent crowd reactions - you have shown yourself to be a feeble-minded, ignorant fool.  More than that, your insinuation that anyone who takes the type of anti-intellectual bullshit "personally" needs to "relax" shows you to be a heartless, insensitive coward.

Don't get me wrong.  I still think you are a physical specimen of unsurpassed beauty.  I had a huge crush on you during your days on Survivor (although you had to share my affections with the older woman with the huge rack that ended up winning).  And even when you started spouting your hilariously misinformed conservative views on television I thought it was kind of cute and, if given the chance, I probably would have still hit that.

But at this point, now that you have shown how wretched you are on the inside, I wouldn't even hate-fuck you.  I don't think I would even hate-fuck you with John McCain's dick.  Because I just got a glimpse of the ugliest part of your body.  I think it's your mind.

Don't take it "super-personally."

For almost a year now, we have been praying for a young lady who is facing her own battle. She is only 11 years old, but she is facing this scary thing called cancer. I read the updates she and her mother give, and I am continuously amazed at what God is doing in their lives. She recently posted something that just overwhelmed me. She took each letter from that word, and gave it a greater meaning. It gives a little insight to what she is going through.

C-Courage - "Knowing that you can beat this you have to believe and have the courage to beat this."

A-Admit - "Admit that you are scared of this."

N-Never - "You must never say never at this point in your life."

C-Caring Bridge (A website where people can comment and encourage her.)

E-Encourage - "You always get encouraged by others when you have cancer."

R-Ruining - "Because at first you think this is ruining my life."

Notice that on the last one she said "at first". She went on to say that she knew God was teaching her through all of this. I know that God is doing something amazing in this young lady's life. Please pray for Kennedy. I know that God has a purpose and a plan for her, but getting there is not going to be easy.

So why pink and green? Remember to put on a pink ribbon this month because October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Lime green is Kennedy's favorite color, so when you see it think of her.

Five years ago I was starting over - leaving an abusive marriage, moving to another community, becoming an  empty-nester; in many ways trying to find or create HOME and answer the perennial question Who Am I?

It's been an interesting journey and I've miles to go.  But I have goals, dreams, friends, a redefined sense of who and what Barnabette is all about.  Welcome to my world - the life of an entrepreneur, teacher, mother to two "twenty somethings", mentor, facilitator of a recovery program, gardener, cancer survivor - join me on this awesome road to health, healing and exploring the boundless possibilities!!

1. Welcome To the Jungle - Guns N' Roses: This song is far more lyrically interesting if you think of it in terms of a real jungle rather than the streets of L.A.
2. Jungle Boogie - Kool & the Gang: Elvis always liked big horn sections. I tend to think he liked the funk as well. Enjoy this Elvis!
3. Run Through the Jungle - Creedence Clearwater Revival: In case Lisa Marie brings her boys over and decides to let them run wild through the room.
4. Wild Thing - X: Still my favorite version of this song. Did you know Angelina Jolie's uncle wrote this song under a nom de plume (Chip Taylor)?
5. Jungleland - Bruce Springsteen: I wish I had something more intelligent to say than "I really like this song."
6. George Of the Jungle - The Presidents Of the United States Of America: Watch out for that tree, or sofa sectional.
7. Bungle In the Jungle - Jethro Tull: Who doesn't love a little flute mixed in with their rock 'n roll?
8. I Wan'na Be Like You - Louis Prima: Best song in the original Jungle Book movie.
9. The Lion Sleeps Tonight - The Tokens: I've always wondered if The Tokens and Clarence "Frogman" Henry got together for a tour, who would be the opening act?
10. Eye Of the Tiger - Survivor: Why do I think when Elvis lived at Graceland he probably had a real tiger eye in a jar of formaldehyde somewhere in this room?

My mother once went to Graceland when Elvis lived there. She told me he had a jukebox. She also told me there were no Elvis records on the jukebox. He was that humble and I don't think he would have listened to his own music in the jungle room. However, he would have probably asked me why I didn't include Gitarzan by Ray Stevens. The truth is I don't know...

"Woman Escaping with Children", by Angela Hayden

Where do you think you are? In America?

Some people believe its a pain in the ass for women to want equal rights. Hell, my mama raised five kids on her own after my drunken, abusive father left. He broke her nose twice and nearly killed me. She didn't have time to think about being a feminist. She was just a poor woman trying to survive in our society.

She sure as hell didn't expect to be raising us on her own. She did have to go on welfare, food stamps and student aid to get her nursing degree. She was a damned welfare mom. She worked full time at night and went to school full-time during the day. We didn't see much of her for four years.

She couldn't find a boyfriend that wanted to marry a woman with five kids. She got a job after four years on welfare and supported us. She died at the age of 45 from leukemia. I think it was pure exhaustion.

After I repeated the circle of violence and married an abusive man, I too left and became a damned welfare mom. I too collected food stamps and received aid to go to college. My two daughters were on Medicaid. After two years on welfare, I too got a job and tried to support my family. The whopping $200 a month in child support really didn't help much. Especially since daycare was $100 a week. My job paid $38,000. It sucked. I had a nervous breakdown. I didn't have any family around to help me. My mom, dad, grandmother and grandfather were dead. I couldn't afford to stay home when my youngest was sick and daycare wouldn't accept her either. I was always getting in trouble at work because I'd have to leave because something was going on with one of the girls from ear infections to head-lice.

I sure as hell wasn't thinking about being a feminist during all that hell. I was thinking about surviving or choosing to end my life.

Now that I do have time to think about being a feminist, I think I am. I'm a feminist and I believe in equal rights for everyone. I'm thankful to have married a good man and am enjoying getting to know goodness.

Sincerely,

Angela Hayden, author of Dead Wrong - The truth about domestic violence, incest and child abuse"

Mientras procrastinaba una tarde entré a un sitio de tests de personalidad.  El test que hice tenía preguntas para identificar de qué manera sobreviviría en una "película de miedo" al ataque de los malvados.  Mi resultado fue alentador.  Según leían los resultados:  "sería el primero en sobrevivir porque huiría apenas estuviera empezando la película".

Ese es uno de los mensajes más importantes y alentadores que he leído mientras procrastinaba en Internet.

Hoy fui un sobreviviente luego de poner en práctica el mensaje de ese test. 

Mientras caminaba en busca de un taxi observé que un tipo bastante sospechoso caminaba en dirección opuesta a la mía.  Si hubiesemos sido trenes un choque hubiese sido inminente. 
el tipo aún estaba a unos 20 metros de distancia y observé que sus movimientos eran sospechosos.  Su mirada estaba puesta en mí.  Miró hacia el otro lado de la calle y cruzó la mirada con otro tipo igual de "mal intensionado".  Los observé y en lugar de detenerme continué avanzando.

Atrás de mí caminaba una tercera persona y había percibido que estaba demasiado cerca de mi, demasiado cerca.  No había podido voltear con discreción para observar su cara.  Sabía que algo quería.  Eso era más que suficiente.  Estaba a punto de ser asaltado.

No sentí cuanto tiempo paso luego de observar a estos tipos.  Por suerte pasaba en ese momento un taxi blanco y sólo alcancé a preguntarle si estaba disponible.  Una cuadra y media después regresé al mundo.  El chofer me preguntó a dónde me dirigía y también me preguntó si estaba bien.

Le sonreí y le dije que había sobrevivido.  Luego, le dije que me llevara a las Margaritas y que debía utilizar el semáforo de Oakland.

En las siguientes cuadras el chofer me contó la historia de un joven que por celos había disparado a un policía y tenía a 30 rehenes amenazándolos de explotar una bomba (noticia del secuestro).  Se supone que el pobre chavo tenía problemas emocionales y económicos.  Me reí.

El mundo sí está de cabeza.

Fuck thinking you can't make it. It looks grim, life isn't fair, it wasn't meant to be. Fuck letting the devil win. Stop letting that nigga speak for you, stop letting him live for you. Stop living in that fear of trying and it fail. You gone fall a lot in your life time, just get your ass back up and keep pushing. I'm more motivated than ever. Don't let your mind blur your best judgment. Wake the hell up, you're not getting younger, shits gone be hard. IF I CAN MAKE IT, SO CAN YOU! I wasn't suppose to be alive when I was born, but I'M HERE! Scarred and battered, emotionally unstable. I'm still living life, with my flaws, I look in the mirror now and not give A FUCK of what others think of me. They can't pay for my medical bills they can't do shit for me but be a distraction that I refuse to pay attention to. Live life you only have one. Fuck anyone who tell you different. Babies are dying so you know your life isn't promised.

-N-

I'm in for a wild ride on Wednesday. My presentation is going well but not yet complete. Actually, it's overflowing. It's difficult trying to do this the week before Thanksgiving. All I can think about is seeing family and friends and turkey (eating, not seeing). I will be very happy this time on Thursday. I will be watching Survivor (note: I'm inexplicably rooting for some girly girl named "Sugar" at this point) and likely laughing my ass off.

But I'm enjoying the work, which is quite surprising. I was starting to wonder if I'd ever get back into the swing of things. I think my main passion may just be writing. It's such an involved, almost endless process of analyzing and perfecting. Anal much? Yeah it's true, I lurve making things perfect! This is my virtue and my fault, of course.

Not much to report other than class was very lengthy today but my morning was so relaxed I shouldn't have expected it to feel otherwise. I made the mistake of watching that train wreck of a show The View this morning, which totally rankled me before my class. That Elisabeth Hasselbeck makes me want to throw something and severely cripple my television - and possibly her by proxy. I don't particularly want to go into it. I'm too annoyed to hunt down a video of her nonsense yet again.  Suffice it to say she's maniacal... and just plain wrong about so many things. Sometimes I wish I could just have lunch with her so I could either slap her or convince her, whichever comes first. Whew, is that weird or what?

I'm ashamed to admit that the [Canadian] federal election is coming up very soon and I am woefully uninformed about the issues. I can't even tell you what the issues are. I'm so self-consumed these days it's disgusting. All I think about is what school projects are coming up (presentation on Wednesday, readings for Monday) and what Body Pump music I am doing for the next week. But I will do some political research, I swear. Canadian politics, even. Or maybe I'll just watch The Hour and some Mansbridge and call it a night!

SURVIVOR: GABON
Episode 1.1: Tribes are picked, Kota wears yellow Fang wears red. GC won Fang's individual immunity and Marcus won Kota's, whereas Kota won reward. Kota also wins immunity, sending Fang to Tribal, where they send Michelle home.
Episode 1.2: Kota wins immunity again (and in the process creates mild controversy when Marcus's privates briefly slipped out of his underwear, which is not caught by CBS's censors), sending Dan to Exile where he doesn't find the hidden immunity idol, and sending Fang to their second straight Tribal, where they send home Gillian.
Episode 2: In a challenge borrowed from Survivor: Cook Islands, Fang finally wins something and sends Sugar to Exile, where she finds the hidden immunity idol. She returns at the immunity challenge, which resembles a slip 'n' slide, where Kota loses again, this time at the puzzle, with Bob, the physics professor, at fault. At tribal, they send home Paloma.

THE AMAZING RACE 13
Episode 1: Nick and Starr, the siblings from New York and Texas respectively, win the leg and a trip for two to Belize. Anita and Arthur, the hippie beekeepers and also the oldest in the race, come in last and are eliminated.
Episode 2: Ken and Tina, the separated couple and now the oldest remaining in the race, win the leg and an off-road vehicle for each. Anthony and Stephanie, the couple dating for four years who was barely showcased in episode 1, come in last and are eliminated

There's the basic details, pretty much all you need to know. Next time, is a full, detailed recap of Episode 3 of Survivor: Gabon, probably on Friday.

-Morgan, Stjimmy61892

Posted by email from sawagner30's posterous

The Bachelor: Jason Mesnick picks hot Brazilian as a finalist for the show, currently filming.

Real Housewives of New York City: Bethenny plays favorites in this interview, saying the one housewife she'd like to be trapped on a desert island with is LuAnn.

Project Runway: Boo! No reunion show will air this week.

Top Chef: Ted Allen won't return to the show.

Jon and Kate Plus 8: In a People magazine feature, J&K say they want to adopt a Korean baby. 

America's Next Top Model: Tyra wants to see more women of different races on the runways. Clark Gilmer, the most recently rejected model, says she thinks Elina will win.

The Hills: Spencer denies starting Lauren and Justin Bobby rumor, then trashes her anyway.

Survivor: The show wins last week's ratings war. Paloma says she thinks Marcus is playing the "sneakiest" game. A parents group is outraged over a "penis shot" that airs during Survivor. Paloma says she had no idea about the Marcus-Charlie alliance.

The Biggest Loser: Jerry Skeabeck said he couldn't speak to his daughter while she was on the show.

Dancing With the Stars: Misty May-Treanor suffers an injury.

Flamebound  is coming along.  It's in rewrite, over half done.  I'm a bit stuck on this one part, and I want to get UNSTUCK.  Hopefully today at work, if it's quiet, maybe I can ponder it some more.

Pirouette is officially in edit status.  Global changes only, then another few passes for various things.  I hope to have something significantly done by the end of this year.  So, prolly not the Year of the Agent.  That's okay.

Survivor endgame is on hold for now.  I'd like to finish it by the end of this year, but we'll see.  I have alot going on.  Too much I think.  But we'll see.

I can't believe how fast this year has gone by!  Seems only yesterday I was making goals for this year.  Now we're down to less than 90 days.  What the hell?