Sahrn at Greener Me has very kindly given me permission to reproduce the information below which her cousin, Amber, took time to compile.  I know that this is from an Australian perspective but as I said yesterday, I am pretty sure that the meat industry here in the UK is not all that different and a lot of the information is applicable wherever in the world we live:

"Thanks for listening to the Animals Australia Pig campaign radio spots I sent you – aren’t they just amazing. I sincerely hope that these ads cause more people to think about the conditions we force the vast majority (and I’m talking over 90%) of the ‘meat’ pigs in Australia to endure. Isn’t it strange that if we were to treat a dog or a cat in the same manner as an animal used in food production (ie. Pigs, chickens, sheep etc) we would be charged with animal cruelty? Recently, a Queensland man was charged with animal cruelty for cutting off his puppy’s ears with a pair of scissors but it is common practice (and legal) for sheep farmers to practice mulesing. What is mulesing you say? Well, it involves cutting the skin and flesh (quite a large amount is removed) off the back end of a merino lamb. This practice is widely known to be done WITHOUT any anaesthetic or painkillers. For more information, go to: http://www.animalsaustralia.org/issues/mulesing.php

What is the difference between a dog and a pig or a sheep in terms of the ability to suffer? Why is it OK to mules a sheep but not a cat? NB - this is a theoretical question and I am not suggesting in any way that anyone should go out and practice mulesing on cats!

As you know we have been vegetarians for many years. I originally became vege due to my concerns about factory farming and I thought I was being hypocritical by saying that I love animals but then go ahead and eat them. To me it just didn’t add up so I went ‘cold turkey’ (pardon the pun) and haven’t eaten meat since. Not bad for a serious meat eater who loved a ‘blue’ steak (rarer than rare but not quite raw).

Over the years, I have also come to learn the environmental cost of the meat, egg and dairy industries which just confirms my belief that vegetarianism is the only way to go. You mentioned in your post of the methane produced from the meat industry – that is just the tip of the iceberg…..

The meat industry takes many resources and then inefficiently turns them into meat. For example, I have taken some very compelling information from the following website (http://www.goveg.com/environment.asp)* unless otherwise referenced to illustrate the impact:

• Massive amounts of land is cleared to grow grain to feed livestock. This reduces forests and habitats for wildlife.

• More than 70% of the grain grown in the US goes to feed farm animals. Did you know that it takes 16 pounds of grain to ‘produce’ one pound of meat? That’s hardly efficient is it? The world’s cattle consume food equalling the caloric needs of 8.7 billion people. Why are people still eating meat when there are so many people starving in the world?

• Massive amounts of energy is used in all stages of the meat and dairy industries. It is used in
o growing and processing the feed and transporting it to the animals
o operating the farms
o trucking the animals to slaughter
o operating the slaughterhouse
o transporting the meat to and operating the processing plants
o transporting the meat to retail outlets
o keeping the meat refrigerated in the store

• Meat and dairy industries are very water intensive. Did you know that it takes 5000 gallons of water to produce 1 pound of meat. You only need 25 gallons of water to grow one pound of wheat. A totally vege diet only requires 300 gallons of water a day yet a meat eating diet needs in excess of 4000 gallons!! In Aussie terms “It takes thousands more litres of water to produce a kilo of beef than it does to grow the same quantity of grains or vegetables” (Food and Agriculture Organisation. 22nd March 2007. FAO urges action to cope with increasing water scarcity. Rome. http://www.fao.org/newsroom/en/../../../index.html)

Why bother taking shorter showers if you are already wasting all that water on a meat eating diet? A really great quote from the website is “You save more water by not eating a pound of beef than you do by not showering for an entire year”!! I think I would rather just not eat meat than not shower – ewwwww!

• Factory farming produces significant amounts of pollution including fecal, water, air and gases that contribute to global warming:
o The billions of animals used for food production produce huge amounts of methane which is at least 20 times more powerful than carbon dioxide. To see a funny ad on this, go to: http://www.discoverychannel.co.uk/web/animalplanet/ and go to latest video and watch Animals Save the Planet: Methane
o 65% of the world’s Nitrous Oxide emissions, which is 300 times more powerful than carbon, comes from the meat, egg and dairy industries.

A Sydney Uni study (by Lenzen and Dey published in Energy Economics 2002) shows that even by reducing your meat intake from the Australian average of 300 grams a day to 150 grams, it is the equivalent of saving 1.4 tonnes of greenhouse gas per year or reducing your car travel by 4700kms a year. I bet you don’t get that saving by changing to energy efficient light globes!

In summary:

• If you want to significantly reduce the total amount of water you use – be a vegetarian
• If you want to use less of the world’s precious energy – be a vegetarian
• If you want to reduce your greenhouse emissions – be a vegetarian
• If you want to increase the food (grains) available to feed the starving millions – be a vegetarian
• If you want to help stop deforestation – be a vegetarian
• If you want to reduce the pollution you directly or indirectly cause in the world – be a vegetarian
• IF YOU WANT TO BE AN EFFECTIVE ENVIRONMENTALIST – BE A VEGETARIAN!!

In fact, one of the most effective and easiest thing you can do to reduce your footprint on this world is to become a vegetarian or better still a vegan. One of my favourite quotes from Captain Paul Watson (founder and President of the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society) is “The bottom line is that to be a conservationist and an environmentalist, you must practice and promote vegetarianism or better yet veganism. It is the lifestyle that leaves the shallowest ecological footprint, uses fewer resources and produces less greenhouse gas emissions, it’s healthier and it means you’re not a hypocrite. In fact a vegan driving a Hummer would be contributing less greenhouse gas carbon emissions that a meat eater riding a bicycle.”

I have some really great literature that I will post to you and you can also check out these websites:
http://askmorenow.com.au/
http://www.vegetariansociety.org.au/
http://www.fao.org/docrep/010/a0701e/a0701e00.htm
http://www.seashepherd.org/
National Vegetarian Week is Sept 29 to Oct 5
http://vegetarianweek.com/BenefitsofaVegetarianDiet/Environmental-Benefits.aspx
http://www.animalliberation.org.au/vegconf.php
http://www.naturalstrategies.com.au/food-drink/eat-less-meat http://www.goveg.com/

I know this is long but I want to give you some facts and not just show the emotional side of the argument.

Just a little housekeeping: the Animals Australia Factory Farming campaign is actually an animal welfare campaign not animal rights. To illustrate the difference, animal welfare is concerned with how the animal is treated whilst being raised as a ‘food product’. An animal rights view would be that you should not eat the pig.

If you have any questions, please let me know.

Cheers,
Amber

1 H. Steinfeld et al., Livestock’s Long Shadow: Environmental Issues and Options, Livestock, Environment and Development (2006).
* This is an American site but I have chosen to use it as it uses only credible sources for it’s information."

"Thanks for reading through the long post. The information and statistics are very interesting and give a compelling argument to not eating meat (or at least reducing the amount).

If you are worried about a diet without meat and not getting enough nutrients - don’t worry! I recently got some blood tests done and the comment made by the doctor was that everything was really, really good. She also mentioned that my cholesterol level was the lowest she had ever seen in someone not on medication and my iron levels are higher than the average person. My results were so good, she asked me what my diet was like. When I told her I was a vegetarian with a love of fine quality chocolates, she was not surprised. We are not over careful with what we eat, and we eat what we feel like. I think my body tells me what I am lacking by craving food with what I need in it (just so happens I must need a lot of cocoa!!)

As with any diet (meat eating or not) you need to make sure you have a balance. It takes a little effort at first but then it becomes second nature. For example, I read somewhere that vitamin C helps the body to absorb iron (not sure how true this is) so we started serving baby spinach with tomatoes and brown lentils (another item high in iron). We found that it tasted so good that it is a staple of ours.

Good on you for only buying free range meat. Just a note of caution though - make sure it is accredited free range. I have found that some folk will tell you that the meat they sell is free range but when you start questioning them and asking for specifics, it turns out that it is not. Lillydale chickens sold in supermarkets are free range. Most beef starts out as free range but then may end up in a feed lot (not a nice place to be…).

Of course, if you wanted truly ‘cruelty free’ meat you could try some tofu or TVP ;-P "

Another source of peace was that I actually had a small space of time to make a coffee and, oh yah, drink it too!!  How many cups of coffee have gone cold and been re-heated only to sit half-full (because the cup is always half-full).  So I was drinking this cup of coffee and read about Randy Pausch's death this morning so I decided to watch his last lecture on Youtube. It's not so much that Randy had something so new to say really... but just that his message was so refreshing - it was about positivity, it was about perseverance, it was about a dying man wanting to reach out to people - and I think people responded to his message because it was coming from a vulnerable and honest place of sharing. It's like the verse that says, "There is nothing new under the sun" - there is not necessarily anything new that needs to be said but there are messages that we forget, tossed into the back closets. And sometimes someone for some reason will come along and say, "Hey, how about that dusty thing over there in that corner?", and if you listen, you will take it out and shine it off and realize, "Yes, this is still good, thank you, I had forgotten all about it". That's how I feel about Randy Pausch. For some reason, he wanted to share with his kids, with the world, and, on the day of his family's loss, so many have gained.

Of course, this is the image I suspect most of us have when we think of pigs ~ roaming happily, foraging as nature intended; sadly, this isn't the case for the majority of pigs we eventually consume.

This link is on a blog ~ http://greenerme.wordpress.com/ ~ I came across whilst searching for something else entirely. The link, and the blog, are Australian but I should imagine that our meat industry is pretty much the same over here.....

http://www.animalsaustralia.org/lucy_speaks/

Ceritanya tadi pagi. Setelah bersiap2, mandi, beres2in kamar, mematut2 baju, dan siapin pernak pernik kantor, akhirnya saya siap untuk brangkat ngantor. Dan seperti biasa dengan riang gembira saya menuju ke luar gerbang kos untuk menumpang ojek ke kantor. Yap, fortunately pangkalan ojeknya ada persis di depan gerbang kosan saya. Begitu saya melongokkan setengah badan saya langsung disambut dengan teriakan2 seru para tukang ojek itu. Lalu salah satu ojek yang memang jatuh gilirannya untuk mengantar saya langsung bilang "Alhamdulillah, gue dapet penumpang." Dan entah kenapa, saat itu juga saya merasa lighted up! Seperti segar rasanya. Padahal jarak antara kosan saya dengan kantor hanya berkisar Rp 5000, naik ojek. Tapi si bapak jeko itu mensyukuri rejekinya yang hanya 5000 rupiah saja itu. Terlebih lagi, sayalah yang menjadi perantara antara siapapun sumber rejeki itu dengan si bapak jeko.

Kenapa seneng banget sih, Eve? Gitu doang!

Ya senenglah. Karena saya sering mendapat sambutan yang berbeda dari jeko2 yang mangkal di dekat kantor saya. Biasanya kalau saya mulai berjalan ke arah pangkalan jeko di dekat kantor pada jam pulang, para tukang jeko itu seperti pura2 tidak melihat. Sampai saya harus menegor salah satu dari mereka dulu to get their attention. Dan begitu mendengar tujuan saya yang hanya 5000 rupiah away, mereka langsung main lempar2an. Bahkan ada kalanya mereka menawarkan harga yang ga masuk akal, hanya supaya saya nggak jadi menumpang ojeknya saya rasa. Saya sering kali nggak habis pikir. Mereka itu kan menjual jasa mereka untuk mengantar orang yang membutuhkan kendaraan. Tapi kok ya pilih2 sih? Kalaupun mengantar saya hanya mendapat 5000 rupiah, toh dalam 5 menit mereka sudah bisa kembali nongkrong2 di pangkalan ojek itu dan menunggu rejeki lainnya yang akan datang. Kok mereka seperti nggak menghargai rejeki yang seharusnya bisa mereka terima (berapapun itu).

Saya pikir beginilah bad habbitnya melayu ya. Suka males2an. Mau kerja hanya kalau hasilnya besar. Dan kalo udah ada hasil, nggak akan kerja lagi, sampe hasil itu abis, ludes dan kepepet.

Sekarang tau kan, betapa senang dan segar rasanya kalau apa yang kita lakukan ternyata membawa kebahagiaan yang disyukuri orang lain.

You are precious in my eyes and glorious;
I love you ~ Isaiah 43:4

What a beautiful piece of scripture!  I always love the Word of God Everyday emails I receive each day but some days shine out more brightly than others ~ and this is one of those shining days.  How wonderful to know that in the eyes of our Lord we are precious, glorious and loved unconditionally!

Well, this morning in my daily Bible reading I came across verse 2 of Judges chapter 13:

"There was a certain man of^(C) Zorah, of the tribe of the Danites, whose name was Manoah.^(D) And his wife was barren and had no children."

Up until about 5 months ago I would have read that and promptly moved on.  After all, the nice little headers that the NASB translators put on my study bible said that this was a chapter on Samson, and being a man who used to be a little feller who used to sit in Sunday School, I was fairly familiar with Samson and his prodigious and legendary strength (Samson also had an awesome Cool Factor going for him).  But, since I got married 5 months ago, and thanks be to God me and my wife got pregnant very quickly, pregnancy has been a fairly huge part of our life for practically our whole marriage.  Thus, when I got to verse 2, I paused for a moment.

I got to thinking about Samson's mom.  This was a gal who was barren.  And being barren was not a good thing.  I'm quite sure that she probably had a good amount of friends who either had been pregnant, or were pregnant, and I'm also fairly sure that she probably felt left out a good deal of the time.  In fact, seeing as she was a sinner and being a sinner, sinned, she probably dealth with at least a small measure of discontent.  And, since she was a sinner who did indeed sin who was also discontent, she probably experience at least a little bit of envy of all of her friends.

So, I realized that Samson's mom and I have something in common!  We both struggle[d] with discontent and envy!  Well, whoop-de-freakin'-da.  Thankfully, we have the rest of chapter 13 and 14 and 15, and we see that though Samson's mom was barren, she not only gave birth to Samson, but she gave birth to a legend (flawed as the man was...).  But then, I though of Hannah and Elizabeth, mother's of Samuel and John and I realized that those two ladies probably struggled with the same envy, yet look how the Lord saw fit to use the sons they ended up having for His purposes!  Heck, if you wanna go back even further, you see how the Lord used Sarah and her barren womb to birth the child of promise, Isaac!

Does this mean that if we're in a place where we're discontent that God will do something miraculous and use us in a super-duper mighty way?  Na, not necessarily.  But, we can take comfort from the fact that He is working even in the midst of our discontent and that His purposes are never thwarted or swayed.

1. Since I don't do a lot of work at my new job I spend an unacceptable amount of time online reading primarily PF or Personal Finance blogs. The more I read the more evident it is to me that personal finance should have been one of the things I pursued in school. Unfortunately I didn't become interested until I got my first job at my old Firm LLP - it wasn't until I was baffled by setting up my 401k that I started looking up PF related stuff. Whenever I think about this I am reminded of when, back before I graduated from HS, I had mentioned to my parents that I wanted to take a break from school to figure out what I want to pursue in college. This is one of the very few times I feel frustrated with my parents: they called me stupid. Yeah, stupid for wanting to hold off on school. They assume I was going to get stuck at some Micky D's type job and would get nothing beneficial out of it. Since it was with their money I was going to college I did as they said, fell into two majors that would allow me to graduate on time, and have been lost career-wise ever since.

2. Having worked at two law firms I know that one of my slightly longer short-term goal is to save up enough money to ditch the legal field for good. I'd like to save up enough money to be able to handle a less paying but more fulfilling job. But until I get to that point, I'll stick with these firms since they pay decently. Additionally, I'd like to get out of a support position.

3. I have a 5 (or I guess 4) year goal of getting my net worth up to at least $100K by the time I'm 30. I'm doing pretty poorly now since I can't contribute to a 401k yet but I hope to remedy that situation soonish.

4. This is related to point #2. To finally get out of a law firm I will need to go back to school so I have a new set of skills to work off of. I'm finding it difficult to make any meaningful career change without that education. Right now I have $0 saved for school and I'm not entirely sure how to go about the whole thing (work full time/attend part-time; attend full time/work part-time; attend full time using my $$ and loans).

Notice how none of my goals are relationship related. Hell, I didn't even mention trying to own a place. If anything a condo would be the only thing I could afford and condo associations are piss offs. Anyway, like anyone else I'd like to find that special someone and start a family, but it's not a priority at this point and I don't see it becoming one anytime soon. Maybe I'm screwing myself out of finding a relationship while I'm still relatively young, but really...I just don't give a shit right now and I haven't for a few months now.

So after what feels like a while (I guess 6 months or so) I finally have some sense of direction and focus. I have some fairly concrete career goals that I plan on tackling soon as I'm done with this move.

...a warning from history:

http://www.dieoff.org/page145.htm

Then I got to thinking (again).  I do feel pretty different than the person I was back then but I wonder if anyone has noticed.  While I seriously doubt it, the fact that I'm 26 years old in the eyes of others says something to me.  I was always thought of being younger...

I guess there's no turning back now, even though I have no idea where I'll be going (or when I'll be growing) next.

1)How did you become a believer?
2)Why did God save us?
3)What are we do to now that we are saved?
4)What are our means for having our minds changed?
5)What's our standard for assessing our behavior?
6)How does this affect the way we relate to other people?
7)What opposition will we face?

A wonderful point that Larry made this morning was the idea that thoughts always proceed actions.  Belief always proceeds behavior.  A Christian cannot love like Christ if he/she doesn't understand the doctrine of Christ.  To attempt to love like Christ without this doctrine is to not love at all.  To have the doctrine of Christ, yet not love like Him shows that that doctrine is not of Christ.

May God give us the Grace to be consistent with how we apply the beautiful teachings that He gives us in His Word.

Then this morning I had this urge to read something from Anne Lamotte.  I haven't read her books yet but do find whatever I stumble upon on the internet to be interesting, they grab hold of my attention. Sometimes the urge arises to read an article, an interview, something from a particular author... so I googled her name and came across this article she'd written for Salon.com (I really need to learn how to do those link thingees), and in it she describes how some members of her church commonly say to someone who's going on a journey, "Traveling mercies" - be safe, notice beauty, enjoy the journey, God is with you. It was a funny feeling to realize, yes, that's it - that feeling of leaving of a place, it's when I allow myself to really see the beauty no matter what's happened and grasp that sense of Life being so much grander than the difficulties I tend to fixate on in daily life. It's a sort of detachment that allows me to breathe it all in (instead of being breathless and having it all stuck in a big knot in my throat), and embrace the ugly and lovely. Be safe, notice beauty, enjoy my journey, God is with me. Traveling mercies always, everyday.

I have just been reading two books, both of which I have found immensely helpful in my mission to find "me".

The first is called "Style Statement: Live Life by Your Own Design" by Carrie McCarthy and Danielle LaPorte.  It is based on the 80/20 principle and "guides you to discover the two profoundly descriptive words that capture your essence".  The first word represents your foundation, i.e. 80% of yourself; the second word is "your creative edge ~ the 20% of your image that motivates and distinguishes you".

It is a workbook, designed to be written in, answering questions which prompt you to take a good look at yourself ~ your feelings, needs, wants, desires, ideals, both those which are helpful as well as those which do not feel authentic.  I found it quite hard going at first but after a while I relaxed into the experience and found all sorts of thoughts fighting their way to the surface of my mind ~ dreams, ideals, feelings which had been pushed down for many years, some since childhood even.  

After a while, though, I could see that I  was not quite as lost as I had originally thought.  My answers to the questions, in the end, made me realise that actally I had known pretty much what sort of person I truly am.  Nevertheless, the exercise was worthwhile just to discover this fact and to be more confident in that what I feel truly is authentic.

I came out as Feminine, the 80% foundation part of myself, with Nostalgic being the 20% creative edge.  This is the definition given in the book, to which I found myself nodding and smiling as I was reading it:

"Feminine: SPIRIT: Feminine is a force to be reckoned with ~ sheer woman-power.  They are nurturing, inclusive, and intrinsically and actively compassionate.  Midwives and caretakers of ideas and community.  Feminine is often sought out for guidence, inspiration and comfort.  In full bloom she has a great sense of adventure, as well as a healthy balance of responsibility.  Feminine regularly exercises her prerogative to change her mind, start over or wait it out.  Sometimes Feminine can struggle with excessive or repressed emotion, thereby denying herself and those around her the full richness of her significant power.  Feminine's holistic, often metaphysical perspective on life honours spirituality as the key to fulfillment.  By far, Feminine's greatest gift is her intuition.  Her ability to sense the truth of what's happening or what is to come is an incredibly effective tool for creating desirable realities.

LOOK & FEEL: All things woman: shapeliness, curves, softness.  Sumptuous, luxurious, generous, comfortable, fluid.  Tends to be ornate or artistic.  Florals, flourish, colour.  Light, sparkling, radiance.

NOSTALGIC: ancestry, culture, customs, enchanting, estate, fairy tale, fashion, fondness, heirloom, history, idealistic, imaginary, inheritance, legacy, mysterious, mythology, novel, passionate, picturesque, poetic, remembering, ritual, sentimental, tradition, wisdom."

These two words, and their descriptions, fit me so well!  I am so thrilled to have this to build on, to help me in my quest to become me.

The second book which I read is called "Colour Me Younger" by Veronique Henderson and Pat Henshaw, and is aimed at women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.  I have in the past found it quite difficult to decide which colour family I belong in but this book made the task very easy to ascertain that my dominent colour charistic is "cool".  Although I am still in the ~ albeit late ~ 40s category, with my hair colouring (grey) I felt that the colours in the 60s and beyond category would be more flattering!  These are lighter cool colours and I already know from experience that these sort of shades suit me well.  

I have found the book to be very useful in determining my body shape; well, that's not entirely correct I suppose as I have always felt that I had an hourglass body but with being so large, have not been too sure, even though I go in and out at the waist!  This book describle a "full hourglass" body shape and the description fits perfectly:

"You have a very feminine figure.  You have a full bust. You may have problems getting jackets and tops to fit over your bust.  You may find that clothes that fit on the hips are too big on the waist".

There is such a lot of good advice in the book on other aspects such as the scale of your body, choosing the right underwear, make-up and glasses (I'm actually wearing glasses that fit with the advice!), suggestions for a core wardrobe jewellery and hair styles/colour, plus a little quiz to give an idea of your clothing style ~ I came out as a combination of Romantic and Natural!

I feel now that armed with all this information I can really get to grips with the "New Me"!          

It brings up questions:

What will he/she look like?

What will his/her personality be like?

Will he/her like me?

Can I really parent?

Will I screw him/her up, or will I train him/her up in the "fear and admonition of the Lord"?

I tell you what, this parenting thing is a mixed bag.  On one hand, the thought is as exhilerating as just about anything I've ever felt before.   The only thing better than loving your child is loving your spouse.

And, in the manner of Tevye, on the other hand, I am absolutely scared to death of parenting our child.

Oh, may the Lord grant me the Grace I so desperately need!

We find out next friday whether we have a boy or a girl.  If you wanna find out, visit this here blog that night, and you will (find out, because I will post about it.....ya).

Last night I had a dream about eating brownies and it's now worrying me. Yup, you read correctly. You see, today will mark the end of 2 full work weeks where I've resisted eating additional sweet things in order to try to kill that habit. I've been good about the pastries and Vanilla Bean Frappaccino, but when you're dreaming about eating brownies? Isn't that a sign you're about to crack??

To be fair I haven't cut out every sweet treat.  I was eating yogurt almost every day to keep my oven functioning but I'm well aware that has a lot of sugar in it.  Plus I haven't quite killed my hot cocoa habit at work and I'm not sure if I ever will.  I guess what I COULD do is bring my own cocoa and creamer and make something a little healthier than what's available at work.

While it looks like I'm just dieting that's not the whole picture at all.  I'm also trying to control my spending! The other day I had a realization of sorts.  I want to have, in the bank and in my retirement accounts, a certain amount of $$ by the time I reach 30 years old.  I'm talking net-worth here.  The way the markets have been I've definitely lost money but I'm not too concerned about the retirement accounts since I don't plan on touching them before I'm in my 50s.   But the way I've been spending needlessly on eating out?  Has to stop.  Now lately I've been on a clothes buying spree as well because I had gotten rid of a bunch of my old stuff for the move.  I think I'm at a point where my wardrobe is decent, although I'm dying for some boardshorts for sparring.

Despite the spending on clothes I've spent a lot less this month so far.  That'll change a bit once I start buying some furniture for the new place, but once I'm settled I should be alright.  Then I hope to find a second part-time gig to help replenish my savings. Been looking around hoping to find a local gym that I can work at for a few hours, but the only "second job friendly" option I've found so far is bartending.  Now, there IS a bartending school near my new place...hrrrmm...

I got a lot of changes going on right now and I'm not even talking about moving!  Saturday if things go well I'll be packing up most of what's left in the apartment and moving it.  Then Sunday, again if things go well, I'll be saying good bye to the LoveSac.  *sigh*

So...the withdrawal entry turned into an "update" entry instead.  I'm not focused at all!  At least it's Friday...

Fr. Mychal Judge was the NYC fire chaplain and the first official casualty of the 9/11 attacks. This was the last homily he delived at a Mass for firefighters on 10th September 2001:

“You do what God has called you to do.
You go out and do the job.
No matter how big the call, no matter how small,
you have no idea of what God is calling you to, but
God needs you. He needs me. He needs all of us.
God needs us to keep supporting each other,
to be kind to each other, to love each other….

“We love this job, we all do. What a blessing it is !
It’s a difficult, difficult job, but God calls you to do it,
and indeed, He gives you a love for it
so that a difficult job will be well done.

“Isn’t God wonderful ?!
Isn’t He good to you, to each one of you, and to me ?
Turn to God each day –
put your faith, your trust, your hope and your life in His hands.
He’ll take care of you and you’ll have a good life.
And this firehouse will be a great blessing
to this neighborhood and to this city.
Amen.”

http://saintmychaljudge.blogspot.com/

Just thinking about Becas because I (like everyone else here in Canada) saw a news report about the long line-ups to buy the iPhone. I guess, on the one hand, I see that life is for enjoying, life is for living. I don't think it's my place to judge or that we're here to be martyrs. Maybe we're here to enjoy and share, and that's the balance that's missing... what do I know? nothing, absolutely nothing really. My mind is just a mumble bumble hodge podge of images, thoughts and ideas causing my heart to swell joyfully sometimes and pang so painfully other times.... speaking of the heart panging painfully, this is basically what popped into my mind (working in duality-mode again) when I saw the iPhone story.... I guess it's just the sense that the world is so off... or maybe it's always been this way, I don't know.

-Joshua 11:16-20

It is rather stunning to read through the chapters of Joshua where the Israelites are marching throughout the land of Canaan and to note just how dominating that army was.  No one could stand before them.  They slaughtered everyone.  They left none alive.  No mercy was shown, and all were completely and utterly destroyed.

It might be easy to look at Joshua and note how courageous and faithful a leader he was.  After reading through chapter 12, I was reminded of the fear that the ten spies had of the inhabitants of the land of Canaan, and how it was only Joshua and Caleb who had faith that the victory could be attained.  You think of the fear that those 10 spies had, and then compare that to the great victory that Joshua achieved, and you might be tempted to glorify Joshua.  But, reading through the book of Joshua, you note a common refrain.  "The Lord delivered them into the hands of Israel"  It was only and completely by the sovereign power and faithful hand of God that Israel was allowed to enter and conquer the land that had been promised to Abraham.  Throughout their history after Egypt, Israel proved themselves time and time again to be faithless and cowardly.  Yet, God continued to have mercy upon them and still allowed them to enter the Promised Land.

It was the Lord who hardened the Canaanites hearts.  It was the Lord who delivered the 31 kings into Joshuas hands.  It was the Lord who allowed the absolute domination by Israel of the nations that Israel destroyed.  The Lord was faithful, the Lord was merciful.

Thus, the lesson for us:  no matter what we do, not matter what we want, no matter what we try, if the Lord don't Will it, it ain't gonna happen.  It is by Him that we "...live and move and have our being."  He is God, we are His people, and may He ever be glorified and made known!

Udah mulai budgeting ya, Eve? Wah, bentar lagi dooong. Kapan nih?

Semuanya hanya jawab dengan 2 kata.

YEAH, I WISH!!

Ok, itu 3 kata yah? Eh, yeah itu dihitung sebagai kata nggak sih? Anyway, sebenarnya alasan saya melihat2 site2 itu adalah karena saya rakus lapar, dan berpikir ingin membeli sesuatu nanti di perjalanan pulang bersama Santoz yang berbaik hati mau membawakan beberapa kardus untuk saya, dan membantu saya packing. DAMN I HATE PACKING! Jadi rencana saya untuk packing nanti malam adalah, Santoz membantu dengan packing apa saja yang perlu di pack, dan saya membantu berdoa, sambil makan jajanan yang sudah di beli sebelumnya bersama dengan bergelas2 air es dan marlboro putih. KITA INI TEAM, FOR GOD'S SAKES!!! Harus berbagi kerjaan. Kalo saya ikuta ngepack, sapa yang mau ngabisin jajanannya?

Ok, now I'm babbling. Saya cuman mau cerita, saat membaca site2 tadi, ada kesamaan yang bisa saya lihat di sana. Mbak2, Jeng2 dan Yu2 yang berjualan online itu rata2 ibu2 muda, dengan 1 atau 2 anak yang masih kecil, dengan suami, yang juga muda dan masih ranum, segar, renyah, menggemaskan tentunja, yang mungkin bekerja sebagai karyawan perusahaan apa gitu. Mungkin si ibu2 ini demi mengisi waktu/membantu ekonomi keluarga/apapunlah alasannya, intinya memutuskan untuk bikin usaha sendiri sesuai dengan hobi mereka, yaitu meng-kue (membuat kue). Lalu out of the blue, saya merasa iri. Saya mau semua itu! Saya ingin jadi seorang istri, seorang ibu, seorang menantu. Saya ingin orang tua saya menjadi mertua yang berbahagia, kakek dan nenek yang penuh kasih. Saya ingin menanti suami pulang dari kantor, lalu mengomel2 sedikit karena dia selalu pulang telat, atau membawa pekerjaan ke rumah sambil cepat2 membereskan baju kantornya yang dilepas dan diletakkan secara asal2an di atas ranjang. Buru2 ke dapur untuk menghangatkan makanan yang sudah saya masak di siang hari kemudian makan malam berdua sambil menceritakan kegiatan kami masing2 seharian ini  (dia : "capek deh di kantor, bos aku blablabla, trus anak buah lagi ga bisa di kasih tau, mana client minta macem2!", saya : "aku juga capek, tadi ke salon masa ngantrinya lama, trus spa juga iiihh katanya diskon 10% ternyata cuman 5%, ke butik barang yang aku cari nggak ada!"). Setelah perut membulat kekenyangan, mulailah kami memilih2 DVD mana yang akan kami tonton, DVD yang baru kami beli wiken kemarin di dimsum festival kemang. Sambil nonton, kami akan berpelukan, saling membelai, mencuri2 cium, terkikik2 seperti anak remaja, tangan mulai menggerayang kemana2, baju mulai ditarik2 sampai terlepas, lalu dengan terburu2 kami akan pindah ke kamar tidur, AND DOING IT!!! And this time, it's LEGAL!!! SAH! HALAL!

Intinya, mungkin saya emang udah pingin nikah. Hhhmmppphhh... Pingin nikah dengan seseorang yang mencintai saya, dan tentu saja saya cintai juga. Orang yang bisa membuat setiap hari bersamanya adalah hari2 yang penuh petualangan. Orang yang nggak akan membuat saya BOSEN! Saya pernah menemukannya sekali, maksud saya bagian "yang-nggak-akan-membuat-saya-BOSEN!" itu. Bukan bagian "seseorang-yang-mencintai-saya". Dan sekarang, ketika saya sudah melepaskannya, saya takut. SANGAT TAKUT kalau saya tidak akan menemukan orang itu lagi. Tidak akan merasakan apapun yang sedang saya rasakan sekarang. Saya takut tidak lagi bisa mencintai orang lain seperti ini. Saya takut beku. Intinya, saya takut jadi JALANG YANG TAK BERPERASAAN! Karena, biar gimanapun sakit yang saya rasain karena cinta, saya tetap memilih bisa mencintai, daripada jadi robot yang sama sekali nggak bisa ngerasain apapun (been there, done that)

Jadi di akhir posting saya yang nggak tentu arah ini, saya cuman berharap, suatu saat saya akan bertemu (atau ditemukan oleh) seseorang yang memang benar2 mencintai saya, yang saya cintai balik, dan kami berdua akan berbahagia bersama. THAT'S WHAT I CALL A HAPPY ENDING! (plus popok bertokai, muntahan, ileran, nangis dimalem hari, etc etc)

Hari ini, aku dan Simone-lah cinderella-nya.

Simone
You're getting older
Your journey's been
Etched on your skin

Simone
Wish I had known that
What seemed so strong
Has been and gone

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd both stay out till the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

Simone
Wish I was sober
So I could see clearly now
The rain has gone

Simone
I guess it's over
My memory plays our tune
The same old song

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we`d both stay out till the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd both stay out till the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd both stay out 'til the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973