Silence is a friend who will never betray you

- Confucius -

What do you hear around you?

Try to identify all the different sounds around you and trace them to their origin.What are the sounds you hear?

I listened deeper into the abyss of my mind. The silence hummed, growing louder and more distinct. Separations made themselves known. Imperceptibly at first, than divergent shapes formed and spoke of spheres, colors; deep blues, greens and gold. Within the mistress of silence, spoke the tranquility of existence. There was no time, no need and no desire. I was everywhere within the silence that grew louder. A veil covered my eyes. I tried to reach beyond it. The silence grew to shattering proportions, overwhelming, omnipresent. I held my hands to my ears, vibration filling every pour, every molecule. My body shook and lifted off the ground. I could no longer feel my hands, my feet, my limbs, my torso, my shoulders my head. I was unfeeling, unafraid, unwilling to move. There was no need to escape my fall into what could only be complete and total madness.

I was unruffled and ready to face the inevitable. Those that I have passed by have always known I’m insane. No one or thing could bring me back. I was lost forever, the lights turned off for eternity. The world had never existed, humans had never spoken; there was only the roar of silence and then no more. Shear white filled my soul and thoughts. I didn’t blink, only staring into whiteness greater then a thousand suns. I stared without care, guilt, shame or false knowledge. Completely ready, I closed my eyes and embraced my insanity; there was no where else to go. The world had bettered me, had taken a paltry effort and deemed it feeble. I didn’t care.

I felt the veil slip off my face, floating away into a sea of gold. Compelled to open my eyes slowly, what I witnessed was a canvass that had no end, no depth and unfathomable. There was nothing to base it on, nothing to judge it by, totally alien to my prior knowledge. I had no clue what it was, or what it meant. There were no words to describe it. There still aren’t. A thought grew in my mind. It seemed to be folding within itself and then without hesitation, without warning, I knew more then I had ever known anything else. It was so clear almost to be humorous.

I did not exist.

The warm water cascaded down my body, embracing me like a womb. I lifted my head and raised my face to caress the pulsating pressure. I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. I wrapped it around my waist and walked toward the bedroom and fell asleep on the floor. The alarm sounded, four am, I turned it off and went back to sleep. I heard the phone ring and knew it was work. I rolled over and continued to sleep. Somewhere around ten, I got dressed, through my clothes in the bag, started my truck, picked out my CD, pulled into Starbucks, ordered a latte, lit a smoke and hit the highway.

I do not exist.

Silence

There is a silence where hath been no sound,

There is a silence where no sound may be,

In the cold grave—under the deep deep sea,

Or in wide desert where no life is found,

Which hath been mute, and still must sleep profound;         5

No voice is hush'd—no life treads silently,

But clouds and cloudy shadows wander free.

That never spoke, over the idle ground:

But in green ruins, in the desolate walls

Of antique palaces, where Man hath been,                             10

Though the dun fox, or wild hyæna, calls,

And owls, that flit continually between,

Shriek to the echo, and the low winds moan,—

There the true Silence is, self-conscious and alone. 

Notes:

http://www.lang.nagoya-u.ac.jp/~matsuoka/Hood.html

http://gerald-massey.org.uk/hood/index.htm

The last few weeks illustrate to me what the difference between a true leader and a wannabe make.

It takes a strong person to be able to overcome the urge to retaliate against the trash thrown at him from his opponents.

He is likened to being a traitor and terrorist.  His opponents suggest that a black man with a middle name of Hussein is evil incarnate and the anti-Christ all rolled up into one.

Politics has set a new threshold on the bottom of the ladder.  McCain's inability to stem this tide reinforces my belief that he cannot control America.

McCain's decision and lack of control over Palin also suggest to me he is not capable.

Who in their right mind in this politically correct world would unleash the stuff that Palin has unleashed without proof?

They forget that it is every American's right to expect the presumption of innocence unless proved guilty.  The opposition cares not for the Constitution, as did their predecessor.

Obama's silence will turn the tide.

The McCain-Palin ticket is so incredibly desperate that they are trying to divert our attention to lies, hysteria, and things that just flat-out don’t make sense. Why can't they spend their time on real issues?

Let’s look at the Bill Ayers situation. Would you want to be held accountable for the actions of other people? For the deeds they did 40 years ago? Come on!

Obama has spoken out vehemently against the violence of Ayers group when they were protesting the Vietnam War in the past. Today Ayers is a Distinguished Professor at one of the most respected universities in the country. He won the 1997 “Citizen of the Year” award by Mayor Daley and the city of Chicago. And, he served on the Annenberg Challenge for education with Obama.

Oh, but wait! Obama and Ayers live in the same Chicago neighborhood. That must mean a strong connection, right? Have you checked out your neighbors – ‘cause with this problematic line of thought, you’re responsible for their politics and their actions!

Should Leonore Annenberg (who endorses McCain) be chastised for running a foundation that supports terrorists?

Is every student Ayers teaches at the University of Chicago a terrorist-in-training?

Perhaps the University of Chicago is a terrorist training ground?

Does this line of thought strike you as absurd?

We thought so. Such abhorrent associational grappling by the McCain-Palin ticket is beyond bad sportsmanship, its the political equivalent of something for which you should be thrown out of the game. Ejected.

According to none other than Fox News, however, voters aren't buying it: read here about how Obama's numbers haven't been hurt by this below-the-belt insinuation.

And now that your shackles are raised on the obnoxiously false claims of terrorist associations, uttered through the words of McCain and Palin, let’s just mention a more insidious form of their political desperation – silence.

At recent McCain and Palin rallies people have been shouting reprehensible things.

Obama has been called a “terrorist” (wonder where they got that farfetched and ludicrous idea, ahem, see above)...

Others have uttered worse things that make the hair on the back of our necks stand up, like “kill him”.

What the *&%^ is going on here folks?!

And what did the presidential and vice-presidential candidates do? Cry out that this was a reprehensible comment? Take a stand?

Nope. They were silent.

Well we’re not gonna be.

Raise your sticks and give a cry out in solidarity with truthful, real words.  In solidarity with Obama.

Let's tell McCain and Palin to come back when they have something real to say, or when they are ready to stand up for the racist, fear-mongering, violence-inciting insults by their sick and twisted fans.

Otherwise, they should just pack their bags and head on home.

- Colleen, a momma in Boulder who is rarely silent.

p.s.--did you not click on the Princess Bride link? Go back, click on it. Better yet, click right here for a brilliant redoing of the Princess bride for Election 2008. We're talking Al Gore as Inigo Montoya, Bill Clinton as Fezzik and more.

you're leaving
will you even think of me?

i'll miss you

Its an exceptional trail trekked by all, though
None comprehends; none explain it.

I have given to life a great deal of affection
Yet I will accord the same love to death too.

I arrived into this world with teardrops
My departure from it will be all smiles.

None can tell the address of lifes destination
None has been there, none can recount.

Some unfortunate lives never lived.
Their desire to live was trumped by death.

Some flowers, they would never bloom,
For the buds were lost to the breeze.

I behold life in my confused gaze. It tires me.
What does it hold for me? What will it withhold?

The voyage of life is strange indeed
None interpret its course, none its maps read.

Les souvenirs de notre amour déjà si lointain réchaufferont doucement, à jamais, les sentiments ensevelis. Nous avons été emportés par un amour fou et passionné. Il ne faudrait surtout pas délaisser ces souvenirs …

Nous avons vécu notre amour en oubliant nos responsabilités. Nous avons vécu en amants arrogants. Dans mes jours j’écris. Cela m’occupe et lentement, je me perds dans le temps. Je peux enfin dire ce que je pense, ce que je ressens. Les heures passent ; la douceur de l’été indien m’envahit puis les soirées fraîches de l’automne approchent. Elles vont bientôt faire place aux courtes et froides journées de l’hiver. Dans mon cœur, je garde la chaleur de ton sourire tout comme le son de ton rire généreux et contagieux. Je conserve le souvenir de nos nuits, de nos tendres caresses, faites de chaleur et de douceur partagée. Cela me fait sourire de me remémorer les mots si tendrement murmurés …

Je continue ma vie sans toi, mais avec toutes les questions restées sans réponses. Avec les mots vides et vains, avec des incertitudes pitoyables. Avec ton silence. Avec les malentendus. Avec mon désespoir. Avec le respect que je t’ai toujours témoigné. Quand les questions sont sans réponses, la confusion règne. Et avec elles les blessures inutiles, les mots tranchants trop vite dits, les paroles que l’on essaye d’oublier à l’aide de pardon sincère.

Je garde sur mes lèvres le goût amer de notre dernier baiser. Une amertume profonde. Mais il ne faut rien regretter … Mais comment puis-je continuer sans ton amour alors que je t’aime depuis si longtemps ? Quand cela fait mal, je pense aux moments de bonheur partagés avec toi. Dans cette évasion furtive, j’ai connu,des années de bonheur, des instants magiques, des moments de liberté irréels.

Mon but est de comprendre ce qui s’est passé. Des raisons, il n’y en a peut-être pas … Vivre avec des "C’est mieux comme ça" me donne la force de poursuivre les désirs de mon cœur et de comprendre, car je ne serai jamais satisfaite. Pour moi, se sont des mots qui cachent une multitude de sentiments très difficiles à exprimer. C’est trop facile de les lancer puis de tourner la page !. J' aurais dû me battre, mais je t’aime trop pour le faire. De plus je n’ai plus d’arguments pour convaincre, plus rien à offrir. Mes larmes sont pauvres et asséchées. De toute façon, elles ne sont que des larmes futiles et impuissantes dans ce monde sans merci envers les amants prétentieux que nous étions.

Tu as donné raison aux autres, face à l’amour simple et sincère que je te portais.

Mon cœur saigne ; L’ombre du doute est tombée sur ce cœur blessé. De la haine, j’aurais pu en avoir, mais au plus profond de moi, il n’y a de place que pour l’image d’un amour perdu, enseveli dans le silence. Comme une injure lancée inconsciemment. Comme un mépris, comme une intimidation, comme une humiliation.

J’ai beau me dire que tout cela n’en valait pas la peine, mais quoi que je fasse, tu demeures obstinément mon point de repère. Mes douleurs intérieures s’apaiseront un jour, mais pour le moment, elles sont sources d’inspiration.

Dans cet exil sentimental, j’apprends la sagesse. De notre histoire, je me souviens de ton sourire, de ton rire si gai et des années de bonheur passées à tes côtés. Je conserve surtout l’image de ton regard rempli des mille sentiments que les mots ne peuvent plus exprimer.
Au fond de tes yeux, j’ai lu des messages secrets. Dans notre histoire d’amour, tu as touché mon cœur et mon âme. Avec des gestes et des mots simples tu m’as redonné goût à la vie. Tu m’as donné la force de me regarder dans le miroir. Un cœur meurtri est sorti de ces épreuves, un cœur cherchant en vain une solution pour fuir cette douleur lancinante. Je suis consciente, chaque jour, de cette mélancolie dans laquelle je baigne malgré moi. Avons-nous été les victimes d’un amour défendu ? Nous sommes-nous laissés guider par la curiosité d’un amour passé ? Avons-nous vécu au présent un amour d’antan ? Avons-nous versé des larmes pour cet amour perdu ? Cette séparation est-elle la rançon d’un amour naturel mais interdit ?

Nous avons outrepassé les limites de l’amitié. Tu m’as fait découvrir des sensations inédites et interdites. Peut-être devrais-je accepter les "C’est mieux comme ça" mais tu me connais : je ne cesse que lorsque je suis satisfaite de la réponse.

Dans mon exil et dans mon refuge, je recherche le goût de tes lèvres et la chaleur de ton corps. Un petit tison de ta chaleur pour réchauffer mes tristes nuits d’hiver.

Nous avons vécu notre histoire d’amour sous les yeux d’observateurs impuissants. Certains nous ont regardés avec un sourire inquiet et d’autres ont adressé des commentaires dérisoires. A ceux-là je dis zut ! D’autres ont protégé notre intimité à leurs dépends. Ceux-ci, je les remercie.

Nous sommes arrivés à la fin de notre histoire d’amour comme lorsqu’un voyage qui se termine. Alors je m’accroche.

J’ai très envie d’entendre ta voix. Mais cela ne m’est plus possible : je dois respecter la décision prise… Je te garde simplement dans ma mémoire …

Je te dis bonsoir et je te dis bonjour. Je te parle dans mes rêves .

Marcelle ROUJADE

Second, for all the two years of nonstop campaigning, Obama somehow still remains an unknown — and for apparently good reason. He has almost no record in the Senate to speak of — other than one as America’s most predictably partisan and liberal Senator. What is known of his Chicago associates is not reassuring, and so the only defense can be silence rather than exegesis. No one knows anything of his record at Columbia University, how he got into Harvard Law School, or what he was doing until he reached Harvard, or exactly what he did as a community organizer in Chicago, or how a person with no record of legal scholarship was about to be offered tenure at the Chicago Law School. Each doubt in and of itself is of little import, but again in aggregate even the generalities make voters uneasy — especially when they hear of fraud among voter registration drives, swarming radio stations to stifle those critical of Obama, and threatened lawsuits to yank pro-McCain ads.

The least-vetted candidate for President in history: Barack Hussein Obama, aka Barry Soertoro.

That man of considerable wealth apparently spends at least 45 minutes each morning with his eyes closed, deep in reflection. He is not praying or meditating but thinking. He is thinking about himself, his life and the direction he is taking in his life.

Impressed with what he heard, Sharma says: “Few things are as disappointing as investing all your time, energy and potential climbing a mountain only to find – once you are at the top – that you climbed the wrong mountain. Thinking and reflecting ensure that you are on the right mountain.”

For leaders, business men and women, and busy people everywhere, there is one thing that is most beneficial and necessary: time to be alone, space for self-reflection. For most of them there is one thing that is most difficult to do: to be alone, to be silent, and to do quiet self-reflection. They share with neurotics everywhere a difficulty in being quiet and silent. Many of them pay a heavy price for it in an unhealthy lifestyle, troubled relationships, increased stress, and misplaced priorities.

A simple question to ask oneself at any significant time, perhaps every day, is: Is this where I wish to be in my life?

I live in a major city. Each morning I wake up to the noise of cars, buses, and trucks rumbling up through the Hinnom Valley below. Honking horns are the only things that everyone can agree on in the Middle East. This lingua franca of the drivers is quite an effective alarm. I've learned to distinguish how late in the morning it is by the volume of the traffic and the frequency of the beeps. This morning, though, there was no traffic to welcome me. Not so much as one bleet from an underpowered horn greeted my ears. It was so still that I awoke with a start. Immediately awake, I walked to the window and peered out over the city. Nothing stirred. The only sound that was heard was a lone dog's howl coming from the next neighborhood. Then there was a movement--people walking in the streets...in the streets? They were Orthodox Jews, but they weren't wearing their traditional black. Instead they were adorned in white. This is the only time I have ever seen anything like this. Reason being, today is the Day of Atonement--Yom Kippur.

This is the most solemn and most important of Jewish holidays. During the ten days between the start of the Jewish calendar on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, religious Jews are focused on forgiveness. They call their friends, their families, and even sometimes their enemies and ask for forgiveness. It is their duty to repent to and forgive each other. Yom Kippur is the day they believe God looks at each individual and inscribes their name in a book for the year ahead. This is a day of fasting, prayer, and public petitions to God. At the end of the day at sundown, their sins are considered absolved before the eyes of God. This whole idea goes back to the Old Testament Law and the Day of Atonement that was given to them. Though no temple remains in which to sacrifice, their prayers are seen as a substitute for the sacrificial sin offerings.

Israel is a Jewish state. Thus they observe Jewish holidays. For the most part, though, they are only observed by a small percentage of the population. However, Yom Kippur is honored by nearly all. That is why there was no traffic on the streets today. People are either at home or at the synagogue. All stores, all industry, everything that makes noise is turned off. After a cup of coffee and breakfast, I walked into the city with a friend. That silence I mentioned earlier had come to the heart of the city. You could hear the birds chirping and the wind blowing through the alleys between the towering buildings. We boycotted the sidewalks and walked only in the middle of the streets. There were a few other people walking around, but not too many. The silence in a populated city is an eerie feeling. It was all surreal, but a few moments were more so than others.  Not too far from the Jaffa Gate we came across several Palestinian children who were picking olives from the trees.

These kids were picking olives on their day off from school.  Even though they weren't observing the holiday, they got to enjoy the silence and calmness with the rest of us.  If you look real close, you can see a guy up in the tree shaking the branches to make the olives fall down so they can be picked up by others.  If I had been born in Israel, I would have been this kid.  Hmmm...I might even still be this guy.  There's got to be a tree I can climb around here.

You can see cars parked on the side of the road, but there were none driving along it.

Today, I didn't look either way before I crossed the street.

Laura pretty much loves the quietness and silence.

The only vehicles that were driving around were emergency, police, or military vehicles.  They do not get the day off because of what happened on Yom Kippur thirty-five years ago.  Israel was attacked by Syria and Egypt on this day because the country was at such a low level of alertness.  Initially they suffered heavy losses, but Israel eventually recovered and won the war.  Never again will they be caught unprepared.

As I finish up this note, the sun has just settled below the western horizon.  I can already hear the cars running on the roads below.  Voices are heard all over the valley as people break their fasts and begin to get ready for a massive party.  From now until the end of Sukkot, there will tons of celebrations and parties by the Jewish people.  It is an exciting time of year to be around here....but the silence is now gone.  It will be some time before I will be able to hear it again.

Soon I'll have sounds here, and I can't wait!

And she said "But I do offend you.  What about last night in the changing rooms when I said you were big?  You were offended."  It's true, we were in the changing rooms, changing out of our uniforms to go home when she saw me in all my unclothed glory, exclaimed, and said "But, you're big!"  I was a little surprised at her honesty, but not offended, so I laughed and said "Yeah, I know, these uniforms cover a multitude of sins don't they?"  She was a bit quiet, but I didn't think anything of it.

So I said "You didn't offend me, I thought it was kind of funny actually."  But she wasn't convinced and cited other examples that I defended as well as I could.  In the end she said quite firmly "No. I offend you and I'm not going to talk to you anymore." 

She kept her promise too and just stopped talking to me.  Well, except for the time she told our supervisor I had put the chicken sandwich sticker on the egg mayonnaise roll and we had a fight about it.

Anyway, my days at work went from chatty and interesting to silent and boring.  It's not that I think silence is boring.  There are some types of silence that I enjoy; like, it's early in the morning and I can't string two words together silence; I'm reading my book and it's really good silence; we're at the movies and we don't want to spoil it for everyone else silence; it's been a long day at work and I'm in my own world on the bus-trip home silence; and the best one, I feel comfortable because we've been friends for a really long time silence.

The kind of silence I don't like is the kind people use to punish others.  The kind where two people have an argument and one of them just stops talking, or where one person offends another, and the other person just stops talking, or when one person offends another without realising it, and the other person just stops talking. 

And I'm not talking about someone who gets angry and takes three hours or *deep breath* even three days to calm down, I'm talking about someone who stops talking for weeks or months at a time, giving the other person no right of reply, no opportunity to defend themselves, and sometimes no indication apart from silence that the other person needs to defend themselves.

That kind of silence really pisses me off and reminds of the girl I used to work with who stopped talking to me because I laughed when she said I was fat.

Here were my thoughts: It's hard enough to live in a good area and make the bills with a job that pays steadily.
I am in a yoga teacher training program and when i graudate I am going to quit my job.  And this was getting to me - how would I pay the rent?  How would I survive?  How would I be able to have all the things i want in my life?

And then it suddenly clicked - I, I, I.  Me, me, me.  What is this?

I felt selfish yesterday when these realizations occurred.  And I had to delve - what made me choose yoga above all else?  I knew it would be a struggle, something that would take time to unfold and develop.  It's about the journey. 
I chose yoga because it enables me to help others find a path to their peace.  It's not about me, although my practice will benefit from a teacher training program.  It's about others.  Service to others.

This is where belief comes in - I had lost some of the belief in myself because I had let my thoughts infiltrate my feelings.  These thoughts were driving me insane!  I kicked them out - "vacate immediately" is what those thoughts were told.  And I realized what I needed to feel was belief.  Belief in myself and the belief in other people.  Belief that the world is a beautiful place if I let it be.  Belief that God, creator, Mother, whomever so you choose to believe in, love me and would never let harm come my way.

I wanted to share this story with you today because I want you to believe in yourself and others.  Believe that everything that happens in this world holds a wonderful lesson for us - a lesson we may not necessarily enjoy learning, but there is always a lesson.

Homework: Close your eyes at some point today, take three deep breaths from your belly (count to 7 on the inhalation, and 11 on the inhalation at a steady place).  And let your thoughts fade away - keep a blank mind.  And what I invite you to do is try to feel the belief in yourself - but not necessarily through your thoughts.  Feel the belief in your physical body, in the spiritual body, and ignore anything the mind says to you otherwise.  Silence the mind, and feel the belief.

when you're
not looking...

i tenderly
run my hands
through your soft skin
the smoothness that
renders porcelain ordinary

i gently touch
your heavenly face
with a longing
that feels like forever

thank you for the dreams when i'm awake

With the ecomony going the way it is, I thought I would offer up some of my precious property for rent.

Here's what you get for your 2 bits...

Two-story Investment. Designed to house people, currently providing shelter for disenfranchised dreams.

Bedroom dimensions are  braindead x exhausted.

Empty cupboards provide Bonus Footage! in the step-saver "I no longer care" kitchen.

There is also a potting shed out back where I usually keep my 6-pack thoughts, but as luck would have it, that spot has been cleared out recently...just for YOU!

Email me to set up a guided tour.

It's the morning and

Light tangerine skies

Are coloring her room

Now back to pristine

And cold quiet. Every

Step announces itself

Through the house

In racy tones.

Silence contains

Since and lens

I've looked through

Trying to find her again.

Maybe the poster's teeth

Marks in the wall

Where I missed with a

Fresh coat of paint

Or a toy that rolled under

Her bed, a book a stuffed animal

She'd forgotten to pack with her

Certainly, something is left

In the track of their silence

Some part of the step

Or words left stuck in the paint

I couldn't cover up.

20 July 05