who does she think she is anyway?  calling me up telling me to get organized.  i tell her that i used to be organized before kids and husband, and she claims that i've always been "creative" and everyone knows creative people are messy and disorganized.  WHO THE HELL IS SHE CALLING CREATIVE?!

i decided she was long overdue for a punch in the neck.

i say to her, i used to be one of those people that couldn't understand why some people's houses were so messy and not together.  for example all my friends that got the kids and husband way before i did, and i never got to see them on any regular basis.  i used to be one of those people too.  the one with a neat home, the one when you leave something somewhere, it was always there and didn't get mysteriously moved with 19 other items out of place to keep it warm.

i tell my sister that i was always more organized before the family way and that i'd never be like her, b/c she and her husband have a sickness with their cleaning and organizational lives.

later on in the call i developed a bad case of the hiccups and it was annoying my sister.  she's all like, "hold your breath".  she's bossy that one, likes to be my adviser about such and such.

i shouldn't complain about her too much b/c i do love her, and she's one of my best friends.

even if she is a whore.

we chat some more about this and that, me filling her in on the blogging world.  she asked me about advanced maternal age, and why isn't she writing anymore b/c she really misses her.  i told her i'd pass it on to advanced maternal age b/c i'm betting that would make her feel a little good even though she doesn't know my sister.

after that, she asks about that "man who lives in new york".  i'm like, neilochka?  she said, yeah i like him he's a funny one.  this marks the first time that we've ever discussed neil's blog.  of course she mentioned will and nina b/c she knows i'm all about some will and nina.  i told her she has to watch the show on saturday, and she suggested that maybe i come over to her clean, quiet, and peaceful home to watch it with her.

who is she kidding, she can't even stay up that late due to her whoring business by day.

my hiccups continued with my sister laughing at me as i move dangerously close to dying with each new hiccup (you know your heart stops beating when you hiccup right?).

she let out a gasp and said, "leah there are three men in my front yard". (*note it was 10pm at night).  i say, "is larry home?"  she says, "yes but he's upstairs".  i'm quickly working out a game plan in my head that involves me getting in the car and coming over there since i can totally beat up three grown men by myself.  i was quiet as i waited for her next update and noticed that i stopped breathing.

then i caught on to her.  i said, "you are making this up to try and get rid of my hiccups aren't you?"  she let out another gasp, then silent.

she finally responded with, "did it work?"  i was like, "did what work?"

that's what an awesome whore of a sister i have.  she'll create an unreal scenario to save my life from any further hiccups.  and, it worked.

we ended the call with her trying to talk me into drinking or smoking pot on account that my life is so stressful and she misses me being the light hearted leah, that i once was.  that's how desperate she is to have her little sister back into a calm way of being, that she would suggest illegal drugs.

i'll just sum this up by saying that my sister is way cooler than your sister.

]]> http://dailypiglet.wordpress.com/?p=2462 Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:56:49 +0000 dailypiglet http://dailypiglet.wordpress.com/?p=2462 i listen to podcasts and i really enjoy them.  i enjoy having an invisible shield around me while in public.  i'm beginning to wonder if this is a bad thing, to block out the world.  but that's not why i started writing this.

sometimes, when i'm fast forwarding or pausing i'll accidentally cause a song to play on the ipod.  so yeah, that happened while shopping at target.  rather than change back to the podcast, i left it on b/c in that very moment when the  music started, i felt ten feet tall and bullet proof.

more than anything else in that very moment, i wanted to be a gay man in philadelphia dancing in the streets to "philadelphia freedom".

music has always provided me with this magical feeling that i can cure disease and make miracles happen.  the song that began playing was levon by elton john.  that song haunts me for some reason, always has.  it makes me sad to hear, "levon likes his mon-eeh".

i'm pretty sure i was a gay man in a past life, and here are some reason why i think this:

• why else am i all about the gays?  i subscribe to the advocate, and i am always pleased with whom they pick for the section "big gay following" (cute boys, and sometimes cute girls).

• i am overly concerned that lindsay is going to break samantha's heart.  i find myself wondering if samantha has any good friends that might want to warn her that lindsay is a little on the mixed up side and, quite possibly using samantha.  this is SO none of my business.

• i volunteered at our pride charlotte event, and i absolutely LOVED it.  i felt like i was serving a good purpose, as a barrier between the event attendees and the evil doers protesting homosexuality.  i wonder if this is how our armed services people feel fighting over in iraq for our freedom back home in america?  (i realize that is a much grander scale than what i did but i think i understand it a little more after my pride experience.)

• i crooned over boy george for YEARS, and took all types of abuse for loving him.  i had no idea he was gay, i thought he was just being different.  like bowie, alice cooper, and the like.

i'm rather proud of my pride shirt with volunteer on the back of it, and want to wear it everyday.  i wonder if people think i'm gay when i'm wearing it?  i giggle b/c i actually enjoy confusing people in public. i don't like to be pinned down as a particular "type", i'm a social shape shifter.  (probably why pisces and i are drawn together due to pisces going in two different directions at the same time.)

i don't wear my wedding ring, mainly b/c i have a serious wedding ring finger issue and even the "replacement rings" bother it so mostly i don't wear it.  i love my wedding ring.  it's a gorgeous diamond in a platinum setting.  very simple, just how i like things.

i know that am not alone in my love of the gay men and women.  in fact, i'll go so far as to tell you that if i have a choice of hanging with my gay peeps over my straight ones?  i'm going gay.  most of my long time friends are down with that and feel the same way i do about going with gay.

furthermore, i'm black.  you can't tell by looking at me face to face but spend some time with me and you'll soon know that i am indeed, a strong black woman.  who loves the gays.

the floor routine, he originally asked them if they had any john lennon in their selection (swear to god), they did not, so he settled for lenny kravitz.  close enough.
[flickr video=2714016449]

picture of luke and his big sister, she's very proud of he.

after the training on thursday, i said to my daughter "i sure am glad that's over, i had to talk to people i didn't know".  she said, "you do that wherever you go".  i was like, "really"?  i guess i do, but it still makes me slightly uncomfortable.

i can tell you that even i get nervous with anxiety about going to new places in which i might not know anyone.  i am pleased that i can move forward despite my anxiety and fear.  true growth lies in the areas of the unknown and uncomfortable.  if you are comfortable all the time, you are probably not growing too much.  but hey, that's just my personal opinion and a lot of people are not interested in growing.

as a pride virgin, i had NO IDEAR what to expect and was very surprised that there was a slight danger to volunteering.  i was told that people will shout, they will call you names and their hate might spike out on you like spit-talking.

i asked my friend if she thought my daughter could attend, and she told me that it probably wasn't a good idea due to the protesters.  i asked daughter if she was interested in attending the training and she said yes.  i told her that i didn't want her attending on the day of the festival due to the danger.  and, if anyone had so much as looked at her wrong, i could very well go bat shit crazy.

she enjoyed the training and being around several gay people in one place (training day) and was surprised that they are just like everyone else.  i'm not sure why this shocked me, b/c i have many friends that are gay and she's met many of them.  i suppose i took it for granted that it would be a new experience for her, at least new for her 14 year old self.

i thought about this and was like, dang i bet there are other people out there even adults that expect something magical to happen when surrounded by "the gays".  i suppose this is normal human behavior, and part of where hate gets implanted into young minds.  hate that stems from ignorance, which is the worst kind.  how many of you out there think you are smart, yet you hate others who are different from you.

different in skin color, religious beliefs, etc.  i think prejudice is an inborn trait for most humans, it isn't something we can always rule out.  i was raised to be open minded to all people regardless of their differences.  i found that i was becoming quite prejudice of prejudice people, therefore making me a prejudice person right?

when i was working out of town and coming back to the hotel after dinner out and i'd see a man, was i just a tad nervous that a man was approaching and the knowledge of my past experiences with men and the danger they can bring?  yep, i sure was.  i was cautious.  doesn't that mean i held a prejudice?

i respect families having their own traditions, their own "rules", and their own practices.  this doesn't mean i have to hate them b/c they are different does it?  no.  sure, it was weird to be surrounded by women kissing other women, holding hands and loving each other.  it was weird b/c it's not something you see everyday.

that is the only reason it was weird.  just b/c it wasn't something i see everyday.  the love that pulsed from everyone and swirled above the crowd was love in it's purest form.  the love that we all seek, the acceptance that we all seek, and the recognition that yes i love a person of my same sex and there isn't a fucking thing wrong with that.

the events on saturday were not quite as bad as i'd imagined they could have been.  this means a few things to me, one acceptance is growing and more and more people are moving beyond their fears.   two, more and more people that are gay are allowing themselves to become free of the prison of trying to be someone they aren't.

i've written before about a friend from high school that took her own life during her first year in college, she was an excellent athelite, a straight "A" student and she was beautiful.  she took her life b/c she realized she was gay.  THIS is why i reach out beyond my comfort zone, maybe someone's child won't die b/c they love a person of the same sex.  no parent should ever attend their chidlren's funeral, it's supposed to be the other way around.  especially, not for something so fucking important as who we love.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE GAY!

SERIOUSLY!

i know, you've only dreamed about attending a pride day celebration and thought you wouldn't be welcomed with loving arms.  ALAS!  the piglet is here to tell you, you can GO!

a friend that i've had for many years who hails from connecticut originally, but settled with her husband and son in north carolina hooked me up for this activity.  she sent me an email a bunch of weeks back and i read it and thought "wow!  i'd LOVE to help out"!  and i never called her back b/c i tend to get entirely too caught up in my daily duties and do not like doing the phone thing very much anyway.  i've become very slack in returning calls.  once i figure out how to do it without using the phone, i'm signing up.

lucky for me, i ran into her at the baby shower of the famous "boo hag" and got it squared away.

can i just tell you that i am very glad that i got hooked up?  it was an amazing experience for me on so many levels that i haven't even figured them all out yet.

another amazing thing about it?  i was able to stand silently while protesters were screaming at me for being a sinner, telling me that i was going to hell.  is it obvious that i'm not a wall flower?  i come from a very long line of strong and independent women that sometimes do not know when to SHUT UP.

another aspect on this progressive front is that recently, i had to withstand some completely untrue things being said about me, and i sailed through it.  ME!  mouth of the south sailed through it!  could this be that i am actually maturing?  go me.

my duty at the festival, a part of a group called "partners in peace" also known as pip.

we were there to create a presence in the event things got ugly, to  serve as a buffer for the event attendees.  the protesters were handing out pamphlets to attendees, our group would offer to take them  to recycle.  as you can imagine, the protesters didn't like that.

i saw many old friends that i have lost touch with over the years, and i really enjoyed being a part of something so awesome.  the bonus part of service work is that you are totally doing something that makes use of you as a human being.  far, far away from my normal narcissistic ways.

all of the masks were dropped at the door and being with humans without masks in a public place is better than free ice cream or being first in line at the dmv.

have i got that point completely clear? SOFTWARE CONVERSIONS SHOULD NEVER BE RUSHED.

marty and i bonded almost instantly, at least for me we did. we first spoke over the phone and she made me laugh out loud and she hasn't stopped making me laugh since. she's one of those people that make up for all the idiots that walk the earth who are not kind, the kind of friend that is hard to find.

we wouldn't meet until many months later. a bunch of us went out to eat at place called "joe's crabshack". i can be a bit clumsy and marty thought i was already knee deep drunk before she'd even arrived. when i told her i was stone cold sober, i think she had her doubts. people that don't know me well often have a hard believing that i'm sober. many times, i explain this is why i don't drink.

i'm very happy that marty and i have remained friends even though we both are long gone from that company. she emailed me the following funnies, ones i haven't seen before so i figured i'd share them with "ya'll".

i've been told about this meeting by a few people, never really sank in i guess. i went about two weeks ago on a thursday and loved it. i saw people i haven't seen in a long time and some new ones from my area.

after the meeting saturday, i came home and watered the plants. i had a date with my friends jill and carla to go to a drum circle. cool beans eh? i've only witnessed drum circles and they always fascinate me. jill told me that this drum circle would require my participation.

i left home a little late, as i'm wont to do and the traffic was backed up pretty far off of our main road. this is not something that ever happens so i knew it was bad. as i inched closer, i could see two cars front ends facing each other, one of them completely upside down. there were a few fire trucks and the hoses were out so i'm certain there was a fire. i was also certain that some people had to have been badly injured. this made me sad. as i drove past, i could feel the energy in the area and it was one of distress and sadness.

i had a thought while driving through that maybe i DO need to go into the field of emergency, there is a pull there for me. not completely sure what it is, but i do know there is a pull.

as i was exiting the interstate, for jill and carla's home, jill called and said she'd rather just hang with me and go get coffee and a trip to trader joes. i've never been to trader joes but i've heard lots and lots about the place and it sounds like a place i need to meet. as well, jill called to tell me that when i arrived, i should not ring the bell or knock as it would scare the cats. (she even has a note on the door for potential bell ringers, or would be door-knockers.) she is a hoot, which is why i love her so.

as soon as i arrived, i went straight to the massage chair they have for some much needed massaging by mechanical hands and fingers. it's divine. jill made us lunch even though i'd proclaimed that i wanted to eat at trader joe's and two shots of wheat grass pronto! (two shots of wheat grass is the equivalent to the vitamins and nutrients found in four pounds of vegetables.)

as with most of my friends i've had for years, conversations go from one topic to another with lightening speed. in fact, it's like twitter except with real humans in person.

two different plans had been set up and then never happened. i would remain at their house for the next NINE hours. i was not held prisoner, at least not by jill and carla but by my own obsessive desire to fix things.

the thing that needed fixing was their wireless router. carla briefly mentioned it after i mentioned my beloved herb garden i'd built. they don't read my blog, jill "claims" she isn't sure "how to". this is a woman who was a tennis pro, with lots of awards and prestigious honors. not only that, she has worked on and off as a social worker for years and years (she was brought into the world to help kids ya'll).

(an interesting tidbit, her birthday is june 23rd, which happens to be the same day as my ex, mark. AND? they both worked at the same halfway house for kids. jill and i were roommates at the time mark began working with her. we were living in house with horses in the country at that time. as well, my sobriety anniversary is june 24th.)

if i come to your house and you tell me something is broken, most likely i'm going to try and fix it for you. due to the fact that i love to fix things. my previous attempts at fixing people hasn't worked out too well, so i'll stick with fixing things. it also lends itself to my deep interest in all things computers and gadgets.

during the course of the nine hours, we had dinner and snacks and lots of bottled water. and many, many threads of conversations. a sampling of those topics: health, relationships, porn, food, kids, computers, current events, porn, and more.

jill and i do not get together as often as we'd like, due to our "grown up" lives. we've put together many plans for coffee, or dinner over the past few months and they all fell through due to either side having a conflict.

all in all, it was a good day for me and it was topped off by a bizarro, yet highly enjoyable gathering over at the top secret detective agency of slackmistress and be the boy. (never a dull moment at their house, i promise you.)

with yet more conversations about porn and the fact that be the boy DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM. (i hope he doesn't mind me telling the internet.) be the boy broke down the levels of porn into these groups: home porn, work porn and travel ROAD porn. i think the last was travel porn? there was a hat party, men with beards and a woman with a parrot on her shoulder. (i don't think it was a real parrot, but enjoyable just the same.)

for the record, i had a hard time signing up at stickam with my typical piglet name so i was forced to create leah_me.

that is all.

]]> http://dailypiglet.wordpress.com/?p=1788 Mon, 26 May 2008 15:08:06 +0000 dailypiglet http://dailypiglet.wordpress.com/?p=1788 recently, i've had testing done on my physical body. vials of blood were taken, lots of saliva collected into another vial in order to test my hormones. as if the blood and saliva were not enough, they took some urine from me too.

(i know, some could have done without that extra bit there, but i'm thorough when i want/need to be.)

so far, i have the thyroid problem of hypo, not hyper. there is a difference and usually it's the skinny people (with bugged eyes) that have the hyper. (boohag added the bugged eyes part so forever i will be searching out skinny people with bugged eyes but not for the same reasons that i did 20 years ago.)

in simpler terms, fat people have HYPO and skinny people have HYPER. i must note that angel sis has been on the thin side of the line for her entire life and she has HYPO. i'm surprised you could even see her before she was medicated. our mom has the hypo too.

we have NO IDEA what the hell magical has, that girl is off the rails. always has been, always will be i reckon.

as many of you know, i'm no doctor, but i'm going to give you a short and sweet piglet interpretation of what a malfunctioning thyroid is like.

prolonged stress causes your adrenals to go whack-a-doo. you find yourself trembling and shaking like a crack head pretty easily (say when you are at the bob's big burger drive thru and they tell you to pull up b/c your order will take a little longer). shortly after the "fit" you have to lay down and sleep. some people actually faint or pass out. depression, fuzzy thinking, and forgetfulness are all symptoms too. (pretty much anything that's been wrong with me for the past three years, i'm blaming it on my thyroid.)

my chiropractor has been treating my adrenals for about three years, off and on (more on than off). in addition, i've suffered with migraines for most of my entire life. i've had lots of testing, different prescriptions (all made me sick-except one-relpax), my chiropractor got to the SOURCE of my migraines and if i am seeing him regularly, he keeps those at bay. that alone makes me indebted to him for life.

while at the dentist's office recently, i just about jumped OUT of my own skin after the shot of novocaine. over the last couple of years, i've noticed the novocaine not liking me too much. my dentist went into the an explanation about adrenals and the effects, etc. (i love when doctors go into the explanation b/c medical/scientific stuff has always fascinated me.)

i began to wonder if this is why i can no longer drink coffee like i used to. the husband and i would share two pots o' coffee a day. swear. (1/2 caf, 1/2 decaf). over the past two years i guess, it makes me jumpy. i hate jumpy.

my brain was able to take that information from the dentist, combine it with the my beloved chiropractor's information and then it landed on the hormone seminar that i attended a couple of month's back. that's what i like to call FULL CIRCLE.

turns out your hormones can get all tangled up, certain organs will over function due to the under functioning ones, and then you just get a big old mess on your hands. the short of it, prolonged stress can kill you.

currently, my blood (FOUR VIALS!) are being tested for certain food allergies (i know i have some) and my saliva vial (took about an hour to fill it up) to test my hormones to get a more accurate reading on those. typically, my body is healthy and very strong. as of late, not so much. after they took the blood from me, i was dizzy well into the evening.

two new medications have been added so far. armour thyroid, and chantix.

the chantix is for the quitting of smoking. this quitting smoking can all be blamed on my son, he's been asking me ever since i told him that i spoke about it with my gyn on my last check up, last year. i've been taking the chantix for about three weeks now and so far all i've noticed is that cigarettes make me feel sickly (kind of like they did when i first began to smoke--but since i'm not quitter, i just kept at it until i stopped getting sick.)

the chantix has some weird side effects similar to those of narcolepsy and general malaise. the armour thyroid stuff, can't even tell it's there so far, maybe that's a good sign.

i'm not sure how to end this in my typical brilliant way, so i'm just going to say bye for now.

the first is a message he left on our answering machine, letting us know he would be eating at a friends' house. i like how he tells me who he is, in case i'd already forgotten.

the next is a picture that he drew, along with a special note on the back for me. he put it all into an envelope, addressed it to me and put it on my bed side. i love when kids start writing sentences and they spell phonetically, it's the best.

take notice on this first picture, he's pointing out the fact that he is a boy.

(this is new thing, hello kitty said it's ok. she's an art teacher so that's how she knows.)

a big event tonight, he lost his first official tooth! he was in the shower, finishing up by brushing his teeth. i opened the door to help him floss and noticed one of his teeth was missing. i looked down, and there it lay. the golden tooth, on the shower floor.

he hadn't even noticed it came out, which was surprising due to the million questions he has asked since we realized they were loose. such as, "will it hurt?", "what will it feel like--like a shot?", and did i mention, "will it hurt?"

his top teeth were removed by the dentist, i won't go into why lest a handsome man in texas has another weak monkey.

the one right next to it is loose too, so it's officially on.

he was in the middle of his "i lost a tooth dance".

he lost that second one this morning (again while brushing his teeth), it was exciting and i didn't have to fight with him to go to school.

it's early and i am heading SOUTH to help morecandor and hellokitty MOVE INTO THEIR HOUSE!

these people are crazy, buying a house at their age. where were they when i was younger and needed some smart advice? yeah, they wouldn't have hung out with me in my 20's.... i was busy working three jobs at one time and doing other things that these two do not partake in.

i put up some of the wildflowers on flickr, they are ones that i've played around with in the editing room.

right now i am sitting in a mess of chewed up wrappers, papers, and post it notes (the puppy did it) and now sunday and sampson are partaking in some FIERCE dog fighting.

alas, i must jump to the shower to cleanse my body in preparation for helping my peeps move from their THIRD STORY place to their HOUSE! YAY!

much love.

~your piglet

day three of the drug, i can say that it is causing lots of sleepiness.

tmim called me earlier today, (side note: if she were ever to stalk a person she'd be really good at it). some times she calls me like 10 times a day, i guess she really likes me a lot. (if she's reading this, this is for comedic effect and what i refer to as "a funny".)

while i am on the subject, if you are a real life friend or family and find yourself the subject on my blog, if you take offense to anything i say please let me know so that i never do it again.

i had just dropped off the boy at gymnastics and had arrived at costco and she called in search of some gardening tips. i've forewarned her that she could become obsessed like i am since she and i have similar tendencies. i'm just glad to be able to pass on my knowledge that ONLY CAME FROM MAKING LOTS OF MISTAKES. when i first began my gardening, i relied on magical sis for advice in addition to my own major mistakes. i learn best this way, not always my favorite way but oh well.

i told tmim about my weird symptoms and she said "i just heard on a morning show that it causes depression and suicidal thoughts". well, there you go.

now that i KNOW that is a side effect, i will do everything in my power to not let it become a problem for me. out of spite, i will do this. i am a recovering-alcoholic irish-catholic person and we have strange reasons for doing things. as long as it gets us to the place we need to be, i guess it's ok.

i'm still smoking like a bitch in heat, but supposedly i'll crave them less and less. (you'd think after spending three full months with my dad that had lung cancer, complete with chemo treatments that i would have quit then but alas i did not).

the last few months around our home have been emotionally draining. the plus side to this is that i've been writing like a mo-foh. you know, for that book i might write someday about the insanity that has been my life for way too long.

i simply want to express my gratitude of having such amazing people in my life that think of me when i am not around.

i am always surprised when people are not only nice to me, but when they seem to like me. i've always had doubts as to whether or not people really liked me. believe it or not, i haven't found the source of that "issue" yet, but i'm working on it.

my hope is that you do not mistake my sharing about my gifts to be born from my ego. i am writing about it to remind me that despite the emotional turmoil that exists within this house, WE WILL get to the other side.

these thoughtful gestures by my friends, are helping me to walk through my fear, my pain and uncertainity.

the world is a good place, and having friends like the ones i have help to pull me through just a little bit here and there just when i need it.

so hey FRIENDS! THANKS FOR BEING SO AWESOME!

more candor called me on friday (i think it was) and advised me that he would be sending me a book. not any book, but an ADVANCED COPY OF A BOOK.

i jumped up out of my chair scaring everyone at our dinner table and yelped with joy. my heart did a dance of happiness.

the book is none other than my home-boy AUGUSTEN BURROUGH'S new book, "a wolf at the table".

(don't tell him that i called him home-boy just in case that would offend him.)

the release date is april 29th and i've already ordered it.  (NOT PRE-ORDERED IT MIND YOU) if you say "pre-order", somewhere in texas a beautiful man's head will pop off and punch you in the eye.

lucky for me, i will be getting a second copy. both of these i will treasure just as i do all of his other books, and kept in a very safe place.

i am almost halfway through the book and i love it, it IS different than anything he's ever written before. i've heard augusten mention on the video on the barnes and noble link that he doesn't write "for" anyone. he writes his truth and he's fortunate that so many people relate to his truth.

i have nothing but love for you augusten, and your little dogs too!

she's got ninja moves.
.

we stopped off at a place that had some amazing art pieces, he's a friend of the boo hag. no matter where she goes, she always roots out the neat people.

his name is douglas, he creates beautiful things,
.

and he has a good sense of himself.
.

i quite identified with this head.
.

here are some of my favorites.
............

the whole set is here.

the first time this "problem" of mine really stuck out was when i met up with a friend while we were both in orlando. he was there doing some fancy commercial work, and i was there for my boot camp training to becoming an IT QUEEN. (IT = information technology, aka lick my boots you beast.).

i spent a lot of time in orlando for boot camp training, monday thru friday home on weekends (i was single with no children).

this friend lived in charlotte and we discussed our both being in orlando at the same time and it was decided i would pick him up for dinner. so i did. and then i took him to outback. boy oh boy was he impressed with me.

he was staying in the tourist area of orlando (disney) and i was more in the downtown area of orlando. my location was more in the ethnic part of orlando where all the cool vietnamese/chinese/tokyo/japan/spanish/english/irish/new orleans/etc. type of eating establishments were.

in fact, where i always stayed in orlando allowed me to frequently run into carrot top at the eckerd drug store.

(there is a certain type of person who frequents an eckerd drug store late at night, and i guess carrot top and i are those types of people. in addition to a kinky guy i dated a long time ago.)

the whole cynosure of the post is to share the funny story of my being slightly retarded. the friend that i met up with in orlando, he in the disney area, me in the ethnic area, and I TOOK HIM TO OUTBACK instead of a cool ethnic place.

here are my lists of reasons for this happening with the most important point listed last.

• i suck at directions, i did well just to make it to his hotel.

• his location was an hour away from my location.

• i had a crush on him, which immediately makes me an idiot on every level possible. (anyone remember my "first date" story with a guy when i was 17 or so and i asked him what pasta was? yeah, i am a smooth operator.)

the hearse lady was kind enough to stop at a store for me to run in and get batteries. (i think she was lenient due to us being her only customers, and her buddy that came along for the ride.)

shortly after that is when the weird would happen.

we headed to an area of savannah called "mlk" (martin luther king) as there were some spooky spots there. we turned down a very deserted street to see an enclosed graveyard, bricked in with an old iron door. shortly after we pulled up to this graveyard and i was snapping pictures, the lights went out everywhere.

street lights, house lights, all lights everywhere went out. the entire city was in a power outage and we had no idea why. it wasn't raining, snowing, or freezing temperatures. the wind was blowing pretty heavily but it didn't seem enough to knock out power.

picture it, we are surrounded by graveyards in the middle of a haunted hearse tour through savannah when the whole city went dark.

soon after, we heard a POP POP noise. boohag informed me that it was gunfire, and since i was not from that area i didn't know enough to be scared. it was decided that we should leave the area in which we were surrounded by graveyards, in the very very dark night.

on our way out, i snapped as many photos as i could, capturing many orbs. our tour guide informed us that there were homeless people in the haunted fenced graveyard just waiting for us. maybe they had snacks?

i began to wonder if somehow the hearse lady had control over the whole cities' electrical grid. surely this couldn't be happening right?

soon the tour was a mad rush to get back into the middle of town where it was safer to be without lights. the lights were not coming back on, there were cops and sirens all blaring and honking all over town. people looking for quick ways to get out of the town with no lights, streets backed up due to the traffic lights being out.

i was sure the looting would begin soon, it was THAT kind of eerie.

the hearse tour dropped us back off near boo hags car, and nine people walked up to the hearse lady asking if she could give them a ride somewhere due to the darkness mixed with the danger of savannah. she told them she'd have to charge them, they offered $5 a person.

heading back to boo hag's home i was hungry and wondered if there was a restaurant open anywhere. there wasn't. we got back to her house, which was also without power and rummaged around for food. we ate peanut butter crackers and a fruit and nut mix.

i went out for a smoke and i could hear people screaming, yelling, sirens and more pop pops in the distance.

sitting on her back porch we noticed lights off in the distance, and weird noises. i was getting scared, so was boo hag. she went inside and loaded a rifle. i have to say that being in that type of situation, with the knowledge that if we needed to call 911 they probably would not be able to come was scary as hell.

knowing there was a gun on the premises, cocked and loaded helped me feel safer. i'm not a person that likes guns, and i would rather not have one in my home but that night i was quite grateful to have the protection.

the power came back on before we went to sleep, and the world was safe once again.

my savannah experience part one

my savannah experience part two

we got there and it was dark. there were homeless people in the square we were in. i could tell b/c they had everything they owned with them, including rover (dog). i really like people that you don't expect to see out and about, like homeless and crazy people. or old women with bent heads.

boo hag warned me that savannah is a dangerous place, and after my experience there i completely agree with her.

the hearse pulls up, we jump in and head off to meet up with another group that are supposed to join us. it's kind of like a japanese steakhouse, except you are in the back of a hearse sitting high up in chairs nailed to the floor. right away we knew our driver would be a blast when she got on her microphone and said to the pedestrians, "get your fat asses out of the way".

she pretty much harassed any and all people and cars that got in the way of the hearse. people were yelling at us, going "BOO!" and such. those people thought they were funny and original but they really weren't.

one group of people, sitting in front of a hotel in which we were parked for a long time were yelling at us. they suggested we do something and i had to yell back, "WE CAN'T! WE'RE DEAD!" and then, they came out with "DEAD PEOPLE SUCK"! i returned with, "YES WE DO AND WE LIKE IT"!

meanwhile, the driver picks up her fella friend, to have him ride with us for a bit and then drops him off to grab a beer while we go around some blocks with her pointing out the haunted places and the stories that go along with them. then it was time to pick her fella friend up again.

after we picked him up, he requested that both boo hag and i "show me your b00bs". i misunderstood what he said, boo hag translated for me. then as we drove around with him in back with us, he asked several women to show him their boobs and he would reward them with beads that he wore around his neck.

i tried to tell him that he would have better luck if he said boobs instead of the other word he was using that begins with "T".

i have to stop now b/c it's time to go and eat at the irish pub in our town in celebration of my fore fathers.

before i got there, i called her when i was close and asked about eating, telling her i was craving a salad. i mentioned that ruby tuesday's has a great salad and she nearly bit my head off. YOU CAN'T COME TO SAVANNAH AND EAT AT RUBY TUESDAYS she hollered in my ear.

(this is a bad habit of mine, eating at chain restaurants when i go to a place that has distinctively great food. i have another tale involving this bad habit of mine while in disney world, i will share more on that in another post.)

after we got the good eats, we walked for the next maybe 4 hours, in and out of festive peeps all wearing green. i wasn't wearing green. i have green clothes. i have clothes that have dublin on them. i just wasn't wearing them.

lucky for us, some folks walking around dressed as captain morgan (the liquor) and his wenches gave us green beads. boo hag was wearing green but it is quite possible we could've gotten mauled b/c i wasn't wearing green. evidently, st. patrick's day is big in savannah (whoda thunk it?)

i am still laughing about seeing all the "sideways" walking people. you know how when you get SO VERY DRUNK that you have to lean over in a certain direction or else you'll fall over? i filmed a guy walking like this and it is providing me endless entertainment. i can laugh at people like that since i used to be one, albeit 16 years ago but i quite remember the misery and shame of walking sideways and public puking.

we walked all over the place, people watching and laughing, me acting just like a tourist and taking a million photos, and having very divine chocolates. there are, many dead people there on account of all the cemeteries to prove it and i just love dead people and the places they live (cemeteries).

about 7ish pm we went back to the car then back to boo hag's house to freshen up before our 9pm hearse tour.

having picked up lots of "energy", i summed up my walking tour with this statement, "savannah has something quite sinister lurking about".

yep, some scarin' is in order in honor of saint patrick's day. you may not think of st. patty or the irish as a "scarin" thing but the boo-hag and i really don't need an excuse to find the spooky.

we are going to go on a night-time hearse tour in savannah FOR TWO HOURS. and, if you know anything about that place, you'll know how cool that IS!

if you don't know, research it b/c you'll be happy to find that savannah is haunted.

not only are we going on the hearse tour, but WE ARE GOING TO EAT CUPCAKES IN THE CEMETERY.

and sunday, we will go to church. can you even believe we are going to go to church?! WE ARE! and that'll be fun too, basically b/c anywhere the boo-hag and i go, it's a fun time for all.

if you remember, the boo-hag is with alien so i'm going to be sure to talk to the belly quite a bit so that alien will know his crazy aunt piglet.

(despite the happiness that seeing boo-hag will bring me, privately my heart is breaking into three million pieces as we speak.)

just b/c i was unable to answer your phone call does not mean i was "call screening".

what is it with you people that assume we are home, listening to your message as you leave it? sure, we are home almost 85.2% of the time. sure, the husband rarely even LEAVES the house due his job that requires him to work 16 hours a day.

sure, many times when you call we are just sitting around watching the hermit crab crawl, or the frog eat crickets. and yes, we did have those family of raccoons that i fed and enjoyed watching on our deck or in the garage.

we live very exciting lives that involve watching animals be animals and to call and find us not home is rare. however, we were not home. in fact, we were OUT without a child or a dog with us.

you see my dearest nephew, luke is now in gymnastics. and not the "pretend" kind that he used to be in, but the real olympic training type of gymnastics. it was his idea through and through to go back to it.

you may recall (or not) that i dreamt of being the next nadia comaneci when i was young. sadly, i had to give it up due to my 2nd dream of becoming a waitress at shoney's restaurant.

in case you have no idea in the world who nadia is, this is just a very small sample of her amazing talent, from 1976.

what does this have to do with anything?

well, this place he goes, has open gym night from 7pm until 9pm. that is TWO WHOLE HOURS without a child. it doesn't stop there.

once a month, they do open gym for FOUR HOURS in a row. another exciting aspect of this thing is that luke walks into that place and forgets i am even in the world. this is almost unheard of for that boy to go anywhere and forget i am in the world. he loves this place. last week he went friday night for two hours and then again on saturday night for four hours.

alas, i know these details bore you.

you and your beautiful hello kitty woman, both of you with your beautiful and sexy hair, who live only a short distance to the heavy populated street of crazies (which i envy).

there is a point to all of this.

on your phone message, you mentioned that perhaps the only way i could get your message was to post an entry on your blog letting me know that the surprise birthday celebration was being called off due to hello kitty's severe illness (of which i told her on the phone yesterday that she should just rest and stop spreading her 103 degreed fever disease). i honestly wonder if the pressure of trying to keep your birthday party a surprise is what compromised her immune system causing her sickness.

in closing, yes i do screen my calls sometimes. i am within my rights as a human to do this. i would hope that you know i would not screen a call from you or hello kitty unless i was physically unable to answer the phone. (maybe i'm using the loo, or out in the garage cutting the heads off of dolls, or doing other stuff that would not allow me to answer the phone.)

much love,

auntie leah

p.s. if it makes you feel any better, i missed a call from maya angelou a few weeks ago b/c i wasn't home. she was calling to encourage me to get out and vote for hilary. true story.

i snapped it on my way to the bathroom at the most excellent restaurant that more candor and hello kitty took me too. the food was absolutely divine and i was looking forward to many more meals there.

(i am told the restaurant is now closed, and i fear it's b/c i touched the damn thermostat, even though it told me not too. i am usually more obedient than that.)

anyway, pa posted my entry yesterday and i've noticed that i have like 384 views today as of right now (according to wordpress), i have to take their word for it b/c i'm not "blog stat" savvy.

when i first started blogging i thought everyone should love me right out of the gate and tell all their friends and family to read it. they'd sit around the dinner table talking about my incredible talent for writing, and wonder what it would be like to be my friend, wonder what kind of perfume i use, and what is my favorite gum.

alas, that didn't happen and i remembered my purpose for starting my blog, it was to write.

what does that have to do with blog stats?

"i tell you evv-ree-ting".

there have been three posts in my time as a blogger that sent folks over here in droves.

in fact, one post held the title for an entire year. (i did sit at my kitchen table wondering what it would be like to be friends with them, what kind of perfume they use.)

the next post, was about a poem that i fell in love with written by eric anderson. originally published in the sun magazine. i asked permission to re-post it on this blog b/c it's JUST THAT GOOD! (as well, i've threatened to become his agent.)

the next highest stat record is this current pa situation. (thanks for posting my submission!)

none of these particular posts were made to with the motive of getting lots and lots of hits. they were made in my nerdy spirit of "HEY! YOU GOTTA COME CHECK THIS OUT AND LOVE IT AS MUCH AS ME!"

if you came over here from there, and you are even reading this i welcome you. i hope you find my blog to be a place that you'll want to come back to. if not, i'm cool with that too. sure, i'll cry for days on end and not feed my family b/c i'm too depressed to even get myself out of bed but i'll get past it. eventually.

whatever you do, don't touch a fucking thermostat that has a sign that says NOT TO TOUCH IT. you stand to lose an amazing eating establishment that can be called "food of the gods".

learn from my mistake.

i hope you have a special birthday.

i lovers you!

i got some news that is amazing, wonderful, incredible and beautiful all in one.

it isn't often that i experience joy for another person on such high levels as i did today.

i was drunk on the elixir of giddy-wine.

my beloved, newly graduated, and beautiful boo hag has an alien growing in her uterus as i type this.

i requested that she move back here immediately so that i can see her everyday to make sure she's well cared for.

cheree, i love you and i am very happy for you and the mr. boohag.

anyway, i love these two people dearly. love, love them. they are beautiful and they are enlightened way beyond their years. i wonder why i never had friends like them when i was there age and i remember that i was kind of into bad things. and these two, are not into bad things. they are good to the bone.

for my birthday these two sent me special prizes. i LURVE special prizes.

since they know i am trying to fund the travel for the voices in my head, they sent me little money.

to go with my little accessories, remember?

when i first got the card out of the mail box, i saw the back side first. i let out a giggle that may have resembled someone who'd just figured out the secret to take over the world. it was a special secret that one sentence, it was.

this is the front flap of the card, stating what the inside might mean.

there was another prize (a book!) with a note, sent separately.

this is the book they got for me, i have no idea what made them think i'd like a book like this, but alas i am enjoying it.

just want to say thanks again to you two beautiful people with great hair, and lovers of art. you two ARE THE COOLEST.

she writes a lot of poems actually. she is too shy to enter this poem into a contest, so i decided to submit it on her behalf (with her permission). just to test the waters (she doesn't read my blog b/c she sucks) i'd like to see what some of you people out there think.

I must tell you a secret that I hold dear.

You may see my body, but my heart isn’t here.

It is in space where only the bold may go,

The final frontier, I yearn for it so.

My communicator hangs from my key chain with pride

With hope I’ll soon feel that tingle inside.

The transporter beam grips me as I disappear

To re materialize on the Bridge with no fear.

Wesley Crusher at the Helm and Guinan feeding us meals

Deanna Troy overreacting to some “presence she feels”

Geordi LaForge in Engineering below

He has that special gift of “making things go.”

Worf and his bad ass self always wanting to fight

And Data who always seems to be right.

Picard with his sexy bald head and masculine features

It should be he, not Riker doing the alien creatures.

I love them all, every single one

They’re my real family, for when it’s all said and done,

It is this crew that has always been there for me

Thru the good times and bad I could always be free

To escape this place into their reality

With no poverty, no prejudice, ok… they don’t have TV.

I could give up TV to be on the Enterprise and out of this cage.

Set coordinates, warp 7….. ENGAGE