Ok, so I freaked out a little - who wouldn't? And Scia being a man, never thought to give me a teensy warning that oh yea I am about to teleport the girl who ripped my heart out to meet you, is that k, sweetie? o.0

To be honest I don't think my reaction was out of place, I knew he was in IMs because he was pretty quiet all night but I didn't know the object of his IM interest and so, I freaked - Major stylee. Without Emmie I don't think I would have been able to handle it - I wasn't there for the Jazz years (only in SL for the end of it maybe) and so I only know what I have been told, skewed by stories from friends and how Scia felt about her until yesterday.

Anyway... So I Im'd Jazz to apologise and she was fine about it which eased my head a little bit, but maybe I need to think about how I feel about these things... Oh and I got partnered to Scia - I had actually done it earlier in last night and wrote something about the wonderful week we had together but upon being completely shocked I had revoked it.

I have had a talk today with my closest friends - and some not so close but understand the scenario I am in and are able to help me. None of them (including the men) think it was an overreaction on my part considering the history... And nearly everyone of them has told me to watch and they are all now watching my back - paranoia maybe but at least I always know where I stand with these guys -you know who you are, and I am so grateful for these chats. I feel a lot better now, sorting things in my head, having a think and I have some sort of conclusions now.

Unfortuantely I think that I will not put up with this again... I am in SL for fun and not for drama and if I end up being made to feel this shit and upset again and you still don't realise what you have done.. It may well end up Last Chance Saloon - then you can run back to whoever you want to.

Lady Kezzy

71.      She seeks to be friends with her kids and elevates them to adult status. This demotes husband to subordinate status, which he views as insignificance and, therefore, insufferable.

72.      A woman has to sell a man on fidelity, marriage, and her female worth as comfort partner. Otherwise, men focus on frequent and convenient sex as comfort from their daily ‘battles’.

73.      She welcomes kids with open arms but not him. She takes his arrival home for granted, because she wants relief with the kids.

74.      Hook up but no call? She lost her footing playing in a man’s territory.

75.      Trying to make a couple’s life fair or equal is self-defeating.  

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 255, 250, 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.

Mit freundlicher Genehmigung von Sascha. Demnächst: Flexibilität.

Zum gesamten Liebes ABC (Archiv) in diesem Blog »»»

Love makes the world go round; it will engulf you in irrational sense and alter your perception about priorities. The biggest irony of love is its charlatanic means of deceiving people that love would always stay. When love ends, it hurts like a thousand knives stabbed to your heart. My friend once said, "The only way to get over a person is to find another." I disagreed with her until I found myself in the situation that love was equal to misery, self- loathing, mistrust and the angst of being lost in limbo. When love vanishes, it leaves a bitter aftertaste and you are never the same person – no matter how you convince yourself.

I liked him so much that I wrote his name all over my college books. I made up reasons just to see him. A moment alone, we stared at the trees and my heart was beating so fast. I stammered with my words and it was given that I liked him. He asked me if I knew how to say, "I love you" in his dialect. I looked down at my shoes and he uttered them on his own. I wanted to believe that he said it to me. I was naïve and I thought the feeling was mutual. He introduced me to his girlfriend and I knew I lost. It turned out he was just a really nice guy. My mind convinced that he would notice me, more than a friend or a younger sister but years passed and he has forgotten me. All I remember is that memory of us running to his car when it suddenly rained…the time when the world stopped and I felt the warmth of his skin. Then we never saw each other. He was my first love.

Love vanished but my young heart was scarred so soon.

I should not have let love intertwined with friendship

During our elementary years, I loathed him and vice versa. I hated his being different from our classmates. He was always questioning every lesson much to the dismay of teachers. He only cared about drawings and his sarcasm. I made it a point to avoid the air he breathed in the hallway. High school graduation paved way to my indecisiveness on my course. I was flabbergasted when I saw him in the same room- we exchanged weird looks. As weeks passed, I found myself listening more to his philosophies in life. Perhaps I have matured that I became competitive to debate with him. We spent hours together talking about arts and the future. He became my best friend whom I loved so much that I was not complaining. People were astonished on why we spent so much time together but never took our friendship to the next level. I shrugged my shoulders and through our freshman, sophomore and junior year- we got involved with other people. I was there when his girl cheated on him and he, when I was dating someone simply because I was bored. Then it happened one afternoon, someone told me he slept with one person who immensely complicated what we had- a friendship skipping constantly between love and companionship. I hated him enough to lash at him. This was days before our graduation and uncontrollable tears flowed. I cried because I loved him inspite of me having a relationship and I mourned because I lost my best friend. He retorted that I was unfair- "You took him for granted, shunned me away whenever a new guy came along. You would go back into my arms when you need comfort." It was true but I was too proud to admit that I was the bad person. Months passed and I was miserable without him. I apologized and he accepted it. I said, "If there is one thing you should know, you are the one person that I’ll always be in love with. But I cannot lose you and our friendship." Things were back to normal and I had my best friend- always there when I needed an sparring partner. Playing pool until 3 in the morning was the best time together. Alas! I left the city and he left for another country. I missed him- having someone to trust and love at the same time.

Love vanished but my heart would always have a special chamber for my best friend.

I should not have spend time talking to him

He sat in front of me. My mind was somewhere else and he cracked a joke that I raised my left eyebrow. He talked about mundane things and as much as I was having a bad day, I started answering his questions. Out of the blue, I invited him for coffee in my favorite spot. That night, we spent hours talking and I gave him my number. After a month, we became an official couple. It was not easy because we had to keep it as a secret. Only his family knew. I was such a coward of being judged by my own parents on my choice of men. Our relationship withstood 3 years of happiness, jealousy and frustration that we can never be equal in society. The burden of being so depended upon proved to be tiring. I ended it inspite of his incessant protests, million phone calls and letters that I dismissed.

Love vanished and I became the wicked witch, I cheated on him because I met a guy whom I found so mysterious and unpredictable.

I should not have asked for an empty promise

His eyes were expressive and his demeanor so relaxed. He laughed like a little kid and when he smiled, my heart did a somersault. He was a great artist; he can do anything, from murals, paintings to impressions. I admired him- his talent for enjoying his craft. Intriguingly, I found his being irresponsible a perfect challenge for me. We started going out like two peas in a pond. We did not have a single care in the world. When he was behind the wheel, I experienced excitement, the adrenaline rush and the taking of risks so delectable. Our first year was the best; we could not live without each other. I turned my back on my parents because I believed I found the one. Until a demon came between us, changed us from nice people to vicious monsters. We became parasites and we never trusted each other again. We lied to our families, friends and even to each other. A painful decision had to be made and I was left on my own- he was nowhere in sight and I lost myself,  self- confidence and hope. I hung on to the last thread still believing that love conquers all. He gave up; I died multiple times before I accepted that it was over.

Love vanished and my heart was mutilated and pieces of it were never found.

I should not have looked into his eyes

I was still trying to resuscitate my bleeding heart when my friends hauled me out of my black hole. We painted the town red and somehow it worked- I became less lonely and I was breathing again. I met him at a friend’s birthday party. I was unaware that he was looking at me since I had no intention of jumping into another catastrophe. Then I sat next to him unknowingly and the game "truth or dare" came up. Imagine a childhood game being played by tipsy adults. It was my turn and I chose dare- look at the person next to you and do something unexpected. I gazed upon his eyes and I saw comfort that I needed. In a flash, I planted a kiss on his red lips. He was surprised but smiled endlessly throughout the night. That was the beginning of the greatest adventure I had with love. Since we knew that time was short, we took advantage of the rare chances that we can be together. Maybe it was not real love yet he helped me to get up after my biggest stumble. He made me feel pretty again and wanted. I thanked him endlessly and as a final farewell, a room filled with rose petals and scented candles was the perfect ending.

He was the last person I called before I boarded the plane.

Love vanished but my heart remained grateful for the air he shared to bring me back to life.

I am exclusively seeing someone but I am no expert on the field of love. Having a plethora of love being betrayed, given, scorned and shared; I realized love may vanish but the remnants of its inevitable happening become permanent. We may deny our desires but we can never triumph from avoiding love.

When love vanishes, I am now assured that it would resurrect in due time.

Consider this your official invitation to Working Hearts: www.workingheart.blogspot.com,

the blog I recently started to create conversation and support for sex workers and their personal partners around sex workers' unpaid love/sex relationships.

I would absolutely love it if any of you wanted to write a blog post, please just send me an email and write "post starts here:" right before the part you want me to publish.

Currently the blog has a few posts from a couple of different people and some informal polls, the current poll is about trying to leave the industry and the factors behind the decision to leave.

Partners are also welcome to post, eventually I will probably create a separate site for partners, but for now I'd love this to be a place to discuss opinions and experiences around relationships, answer each other questions and help support each other around this important topic that to me seems crucial to our health and quality of life as a community.

Audacia Ray interviewed me about Working Hearts for her Village Voice blog  Naked City in the interview series Four on the Floor, if you'd like to read more about why I'm doing this and what my thoughts are on the subject, check it out.

Blank Paper, Blank Mind

I sit here staring
at the utter starkness
of both paper and mind.

What new words will flow
as the very life blood of my pen
oozes out to the world?

There is nothing new
under the blazing sun
so what can I say?

To me, the stillness of it all
is what gets to me
and the immutability of ink.

Climbing about gyres and gimbles
is a little like spelunking -
what new lands will be uncovered next?

Just hand over my pen now.
I'll write my own sentence
though it costs me life's blood.
~~~~
The next two go together.

Waiting for You

My love, though I know you not
I stand here at bay window
Waiting for you

My love, you've at last arrived
And now that I know you I no longer need to stand here
Waiting for you

My love, you've shattered me by leaving
As I stand here with shiny trails down my cheeks
Waiting for you

Waiting for my Love

I'm waiting for you, my love
in case you didn't hear me
without meaning to, stumbling over myself
the place I've found is with you.

All you have to do is turn your head
I'll be standing behind you
waiting for you to find me
be kind - tell me if you ever will.

My screams and shouts do go unnoticed.
Only the silent nights of peace
sometimes get your eye
What can I do . . .

but stand here . . .

wait for time . . .

wait for you . . .

still waiting.
love you.

To Christ: Before You Go

My dearly beloved friend,
You fill me with joy whenever I see you
I can never wait to see you
I can never get tired of you,
much as we sometimes disagree.

When I'm sitting here on a cushion,
looking up into Your eyes
and you stroke my hair with Your hand
I feel like I'm special, set apart
like a daughter adopted by a caring father.

Do you see me, see me here?
Your eyes say that You do,
the words tell me You're hearing
and the scars - oh, the blessed scars!

Not just hands, but feet, brow,
and whip marks on the back.
All Your body speaks
of Your heart beat's love -
Me.

I've only begun to make sense
of what might be termed love gibberish
and all Your other words.
How am I even to begin understanding
by the deeds You do?

The idea of God made man flesh
leads to either worship of the divine
or repulsion of the human.
What am I to make of His sacrifice?

You say that You're going now,
though You'll never truly leave me.
Why must You leave me now?
What will I do without You here?

All right, then, go for now
I know that You will be back soon
so I'll take a hug and holy kiss
and wait for Your return.

Fill Your Soul

Words as feathers brush
flippantly across your eyes
as heavy solid rocks
they bruise and break your soul.

Drink of any magic pool you wish,
nothing will slake your thirst like words,
they'll also abandon you on the side of the desert road
and leave your entrails for the buzzards.

So go on hunts and expeditions
to the deepest dankest darkest caverns
or to the highest aerial next
and take the longest hardest roads.

Pick only the ripest choicest words
prepare them carefully for consumption
sit down to the hearty banquet
and fill your soul with them.

Projecting

Light through glass gives prisms,
my energy's harnessed for so many things:
boring presentations, world maps, English.
I've learned so many things.

Bending the light through lenses
will show your genius or stupidity
and no one can save you
from the revelation to all.

Dust dances in my light
as a simple screen far away
is my unconnected partner,
and we can run among the stars of words.

My own wisdom and will
is forgotten in giving yours
I'm the perfect humble servant,
at your ever command.

Partner in Crime

My partner and I sneak down the street
careful to hide the rather loud squeak
that our soles make on the dirt
careful to balance so we don't get hurt.

You won't see us up on rooftop high
dressed in blue, we hide in the sky
and wait for nightfall to come
we feel the cold as our skin turns numb.

Stealthily we cautiously creep
out from hiding places in the deep
and purloin the sparkles, the jewels and rubies
we won't forget the fuzz-covered woobies.

When dawn arises, in dark we hide
my partner and I, we will bide
our time until the night once more
that's what real partners in crime are for.

Things my Mother Says

• The guy to pick is the guy who respects his mother.
• Clean your room.
• If you whine about it, I can't let you have it because then you'll think that whining will get you what you want in life and that's just not true.
• Life's not fair. Get used to it.
• It's still a man's world and don't you forget it.
• It may be a man's world, but the bathroom belongs to us women. [To my brother and dad: Put that seat down]
• Don't leave that there.
• Do the dishes.
• Do the laundry.
• Pick that up.
• No.
• Time out.
• Good job.
• I love you.
• I believe in you.
• I enjoy having you in my family.
• We should dye our hair at Christmas! Red and green. Oh, come on . . .
• Do the Santa/Easter bunny picture with me! Come on . . .
• You want to go where to do what with who? Okay, no problem. Go, go, go. Get out of the house. You haven't left for three days.
• Put that book down and pay attention to me.

Nothing

There was nothing in his pockts
nothing in his account
nothing up his sleeve
and nothing on the table.

He had nothing in the way of money,
nothing in the way of friends,
nothing in the way of looks,
and nothing in the way of smarts.

There was nothing in his cupboards,
and no one in his life to care
he had nothing for his supper
and his small apartment better.

But he walked around town
with a great big smile on his face
‘cause he had lots of nothing
to serve up on his plate.

~~~~~

I debated somewhat about whether to show this next one, as it does somewhat relate to my unfinished poem . . . but it also works as a stand alone. Tell you what, when I finish my other poem (IF I finish it! The thing is a three page monster and I feel like I'm not even close to half done), I'll publish this one again.

Rapture

Her hair flew and flipped around her shoulder
as her foot followed the dance step through
the unheard music crackled in the background
and her shoes clicked against the tile.

Her arms were thrown over her head
as she became a study in blur
the gleam of gemstones in her eye
with the sheen and mystery of a
butterfly's wing.

The skirt bounced, her arms flew,
and her hair merrily billowed.
She threw her head back
and laughed, giggling like the stream

Afternoon sunlight sparkled on the floor,
as she followed the last dew drops
of sunshine left that day,
she slowed her steps and stopped to gaze
as the sun shed its last rays of light.

The partner slide is an important component of many presentations made to IT industry analysts. Unfortunately, too many vendors use these clichés and miss the opportunity to communicate real information that supports key messages.

A better way to design the partner slide is to use text names instead of logos and organize the name listings in a way that adds information (see the second figure). The organization of the names should support the key strategic messages of the current briefing. A key message-centric slide is much richer than a logo-centric slide and more partners can be listed. In addition, by organizing the customer list by key message, this slide does double duty. If practical, additional information could be added such as how the partners complement each other's offerings or a table for showing what each partner contributes.

Two critical reminders about briefing best practices: there should only be one to three key messages addressed in any single briefing. By keeping your briefing focused on a small number of key messages, it makes it easier to build a partner slide around key messages.  Secondly, reducing the font size to cram more information on a slide is not the way to focus your message.

SageCircle Technique:

• Start with a blank bullet slide, do not copy an existing partner slide from another PPT deck
• Type in the key messages for this briefing
• Type in the relevant partners as sub-bullets under each key message
• Identify key partnership success factors (e.g., investments each side is making) and put those into sidebars

Bottom Line: Vendors need to avoid the easy but clichéd partner slide approach of simply scattering customer logos around a slide. A better approach is to use text names organized in a fashion that supports the key messages of the analyst interaction.

Question: Analysts - What information would you like vendors to present when it comes to partners?

Ms Katarina Gürsoy
e-mail : katarina.gursoy@ab.lst.se

Anyway, in Indonesia, most gay guys get their dating in chat room, then have a "kopi darat" which means meet in some meeting point around. The thing is, this often lead to rushed decision to become partner/boyfriend material just in short time (sometime takes only 3 days to 1 week!). I experienced it a lot before. You meet someone in chat room, chat bla bli blu, meet up and bang!.. after the first f*ck you're officially partners.. hihihi.. Then in 1 week to 1 month after, you'd realize that he is so fu*king lame. Telling what you shouldn't do and what you should only do, become jealous without any reason, and start minding your business instead of his. Then... you end up with the "menangis-bombay" kind of situation... what to be sad of about that! Well, some think they own you just because they fu*ked you... d'oh! Some defend themselfs by saying "Well i'm searching for Mr Right, maybe its not my time yet. So having a fu*k or two in between dont hurt right?". Well, thats maybe right, but dont you realize that actually a lot of guys trapped in finding Mr Right Now? And later there will be another session of "menangis bombay" for being out-of-date-type-in-the-market.

I've said it before, having partner/boyfriend is not only about sex and the good looks. It required your full commitment, open communication and just dont try to change anything or anyone too much! There are of course things to be compromised on. But hey, try to have a win-win-solution out of it. Its not that diffy right?

Have you guys read about that story which tells you that actually love doesnt need a reason? Its true by the way. You cant love someone just because he is cute, since there are a lot more out there, beside its fade. You cant love someone just because he has HUGE co*k (hihi), again, there are more out there and what if he become impotent! Mwahahaha.. surely your reason for love vanished! And of course, same kind of comparison towards many other reasons applied... for money, cars, position, etc... So if you want love, mean it! If you want co*ks, well, mean it also.. dont waste time finding love that way.. hihihi..

Some friend of mine dont believe it anymore that there is love in gay relationship. Its all just about how-good-it-feels-to-have-wealthy-cute-guy-with-a-huge-co*k-fuck-your-ass kinda of reason. (Ouch, did i summarized that right? Hahahahaha...). All in all one great packaging!

For me, i do believe theres love, and i know i dont need a reason why i love him. I just simply love him!.... Moj cinta, lublu tebya silno! Bolshe i bolshe..

.
..
...

Canicula :: Wish you get what you really wanted guys! Cheers...

My favorite reality television show creator is now facing a lawsuit from his former partner. Survivor’s Mark Burnett is being sued for $70 million by former colleague Conrad Riggs.

According to Riggs’ lawsuit, Burnett agreed to pay him 10 percent of his future profits. Trying to break into television, Burnett supposedly sought the advice of Riggs and has publicly acknowledged Riggs’ numerous contributions.

According to a recent Reutuers article, the lawsuit also says that Riggs was the one who advised Burnet to pitch the show as thought it was a story being told around the campfire. Apparently, Burnett had recently cut Riggs out of possible financial revenue that would come from the potential sale of Burnett’s company.

Forgive me for writing this, but I couldn’t resist. Will Burnett be able to out think, outwit, outlast Riggs? There can be only one Survivor. Stay tuned.   

  Sleep medicine experts have successfully treated a rare case of a woman having sex with strangers while sleep walking.

  The behaviour had disrupted the lives of the woman and her partner. At night while asleep, the middle aged sleepwalker - who lives in Australia- left her house and had sexual intercourse with strangers. The behaviour continued for several months and the woman had "no memory" of her nocturnal activities.

  Circumstantial evidence, such as condoms found scattered around the house, alerted the couple to the problem. One occasion, her partner awoke to find her missing, went searching for her and found her engaged in the sex act....

 "Incredulity is the leading player in cases like this," stated Peter Buchanan, a sleep physician, in Sydney Aussie, who handled the case. But a combination of factors convinced him that the case was a real sleepwalking phenomenon, including the distress of the couple, and an in-depth clinical evaluation.

Sleep Talking
  During that evaluation, the patient was assessed by psychiatrists and checked for  physical problems such as brain tumours, which may cause unusual behaviour. Neither of those examinations could find a cause.

  However, she was found to have a history of talking in her sleep as a teenager and when monitored in the sleep laboratory, she was found to have a higher number of arousals from deep sleep than is usual. Both of  these factors might indicate a susceptibility to abnormal sleep behaviour.

 Roger Allen, a sleep specialist in private practice in Brisbance is sceptical. "Sex is a primal behaviour so it's not impossible- men have erections in their sleep after all - but this case involved such complex behaviour it seems less likely." He also points out that eliminating psychiatric conditions as a cause of the behaviour would be difficult.

Sleep Driving
  But there are some extraordinary cases of sleep walkers leaving their homes, driving cars, or engaging in behaviours that they would not usually. In 1987, Ken Parks, drove 20 miles from his home in Pickering, Ontario, to his in-laws house, where he strangled his father-in-law unconscious, and stabbed his mother-in-law to death. He was acquitted of murder because he was sleepwalking at the time.

“People in a state of automatism don’t have access to their full range of beliefs and desires, so it seems justifiable to excuse them,” says Neil Levy of the Centre for Applied Philosophy and Public Ethics at the University of Melbourne.

Sleepwalking is often triggered by stress, and this may have been the case with the Sydney woman, says Buchanan. She stopped her night-time excursions after psychiatric counselling. Drugs such as benzodiazepines, which are sometimes used to treat sleep walkers, were not necessary.

Any type of sleepwalking is rare. It occurs in around 3% of children and young adolescents, and about 0.5% of adults. Usually it involves little more than walking around in a fairly purposeful way while asleep, although sleepwalkers may lash out if awoken

Tisdagar är helt klart alldeles för långa. Vi jobbar från åtta till halv sju på kvällen och med min restid blir detta till olidliga 13 timmar borta hemifrån. Kanske har vi skaffat oss för många måsten genom åren. När man är ung och går i skolan så tycker man att livet bara består av plikter: att gå till skolan, närvara mentalt på lektionerna, ha olika fritidsaktiviteter, göra hemläxor. Inte förrän man ”blir fri” skolan inser man hur himla bra man faktiskt hade det.

Man tycker att man måste få ett välbetalt jobb, man måste få den perfekta partner, skaffa barn, köpa hus och bil….man gör det man tror att man måste och nya måste börjar automatiskt välla in – man måste försörja fler och fler personer med egna viljor och krav på hur livet borde vara. Dagis och skola tycker att man som förälder måste komma dit och se hur barnen har det där, göra läxor med dem, se till att de har konstruktiva fritidsintressen, rena kläder och matsäck.

Barnen anser att man som förälder måste alltid vara snäll och förstående, köpa alla saker som ”alla andra” har, inte jobba för mycket utan vara hemma och göra roliga saker tillsammans.

Den perfekte partnern anser att man alltid måste vara snäll, snygg, glad och sexig, ta hand om både honom och hemmet och helst tjäna nästan lika mycket pengar som han (dock inte mer!).

Arbetsgivaren anser att man måste vara på jobbet mer än det som krävs för att helst jobba för 2, man måste alltid vara vänlig mot sina klienter, man måste ta på sig extra uppgifter och ställa upp när det behövs extra insatser. Och man får inte bli sjuk eller hemma för vård av sjuka barn, inte för mycket i alla fall.

De åldrande föräldrarna tycker att man måste ringa så ofta det går, helst varje dag, komma på besök så ofta det går, ställa upp…det gjorde ju de när vi var små.

Efter ett tag så tar man alla måste för sina egna. Man tror att det verkligen är så – allt detta måste man annars är man en förkastlig mamma, dotter, kvinna, partner, människa. Det är då som längtan och drömmarna börjar göra sig påminda. Längtan till ett liv utan måsten, ett liv där man bara har sig själv att ta hand om och se efter, ett lugnare liv. Ensam varg. Men skulle det verkligen bli så bra, i långa loppet menar jag?

Kanske gäller det bara att komma till insikt att man ingenting måste. Skära ner på den perfekta bilden som man målar upp för alla andra i sin omgivning. Min mamma (som för övrigt är en expert på att skaffa sig måsten) brukar säga. ”Man måste ingenting Verunko, man måste bara dö”. Resten går att kompromissa bort. Visst blir det konflikter, för just det man kommer att ta bort berör ju någon person som anser att det är just detta man borde. Men kanske eventuellt är det värt att ta striden, att säga ifrån och förklara.

Här går gränsen och bortom den är jag inte längre jag utan bara ett uttorkat skal.

Jag tror att det är dags att börja, små steg i taget.

Önska mig lycka till för det lär jag behöva.

She's stating Mr. Baseball had an affair. With Madonna. Not of a sexual nature. But an "affair of the heart". Yes, that's right. He cheated on her without "cheating" on her.

I don't think she's wrong for categorizing it as such, though. Now, if she's falsely accusing him then that's a different story altogether but if he is trying to get with Madonna and he's a married man, then hell yes, he's cheated. Point, blank, period.

People are telling me, "Oh but he didn't put his ball in her glove" .... oh, bloody hell. FOHWTS. You don't have to steal third base (or home plate?) to be a cheater, but here is the problem. EVERYONE'S definition of cheating is different. Some people don't consider flirting cheating. Some people don't think kissing is cheating. Some people don't think having an ON-LINE AFFAIR is cheating. My definition is: "Anything you cannot do in the presence of your significant other is betrayal and cheating."If you can't flirt in front of your partner - you're cheating. If you can't kiss the opposite sex in front of your partner - you're cheating. If you can't/won't/don't let your partner see explicit convos, emails or notes that you've sent to a member of the opposite sex - you're a cheater. Makes sense to me. I'd love to hear other people's definitions, especially if they greatly differ.

Of course you then get into the whole notion of what's flirting vs. what isn't and I suppose that's where communication in your relationship comes in. You need to speak up and discuss these things before you get your heart too involved in someone else. A lot of dramas and arguments can be avoided this way. It's basically the easiest way to not having problems. Communication in a relationship is key. At least in my opinion.

Today I asked "him", "if I was to sleep with another woman, would that be considered cheating?" For the record, I'm not gay (I'm with him) or bi-sexual (though, I find women and their bodies incredibly sexy) but I just wanted to see what his answer would be. He replied: "It'd be cheating no more than if i was to sleep with another man *barf*".(lol) I got my answer loud and clear. I teased him and said: "Got it. So long as you aren't there or involved, sleeping with a woman is cheating."

Believe it or not, I've had some people disagree. They say a roll in the hay with a member of the same sex isn't cheating. Can you believe that one!? Apparently, because there is no penile to vagile penetration, it's not cheating. Word? If you give yourself physically, emotionally or spiritually (with the exception of God) to anyone but your spouse you are low down and dirty. A snake, even. Don't kid yourself.

Being faithful is really hard for some people. I don't understand the need to be unfaithful. Especially if you say you love who you're with. I'd have more respect for someone if they told me they had lost interest and broke up with me before they cheated. I then have the CHANCE to try and make it right or better somehow. If I can't salvage it, then sure, I'm hurt but at least I'm not played, you feel me?
This whole idea of "there is no pussy/dick like new pussy/dick" is nothing more than a sad and sorry excuse. If you are putting it down PROPER on your partner ... then no amount of new dick or pussy is going to make them stray. This is why I say, ladies, don't be a hoe in the streets but be your MAN'S hoe. Keep him satisfied. Release your inner freak. If he cheats, don't let it be because you have a 'lax pussy. Gentleman .... the same goes for you. (But exchange the word pussy for dick, of course. Ha!)

Cheating this day in age is just much too dangerous. There are too many diseases and infections blowing around in the wind. I'm quite paranoid about them and refuse to put myself in that position. Then of course is the problem of an unwanted pregnancy. You just have to be RESPONSIBLE. If you don't want a relationship, don't be in one. Simple, right? Yea, I think so, too. No one forces you to settle down. Just have respect - that is all. Respect for someone else ... besides yourself.

I learned this in kindergarten: "Treat others the way you would like to be treated."Some people need to go back to kindergarten to re-learn some things.

Man, all you need to do is TALK about what cheating is to you. Talk about what the different levels are, if applicable. Avoid the problems and say no to temptation. That hottie with the phat ass .. or that cutie with the solid pecs ...... they could be burnin'. Know this. Don't bring that crap home to the person you say you love.

Otherwise, I can be your first grade school teacher all over again.

I get tired of holding up the cashiers’ lines of numerous department stores in search of something to read dedicated to more than just how I can lose five pounds in two days, healthily and fully satiated!  And it frightens me to think that my daughters are reading such drivel alongside me. 

With little regard to our whole being, journalism’s obsession with one general facet of women’s lives has become rather boring and worn out.  Obviously, the myriad of articles we are bombarded with each day is a reflection of current US culture and the importance that we place on these four topics, but at the same time, there is a world of interesting stories available to reporters to be covered.  Thus, I think it’s high time we expand beyond our usual to the “interesting and beneficial.” 

Weight is important when correlated with health and nutrition but the story of a woman who needs to drop a few extra pounds just to fit into her newest bikini versus one centered upon an ingenious woman in Africa who found a way to feed her entire village despite her lack of traditional schooling and sophisticated know how…well the value and benefits in reading both stories just can’t compare.  My interest lies with the latter, especially since, I feel, it would be much more advantageous for me to know how to feed myself versus starve myself if ever I find myself lost in the jungles of Africa.

Equally as disappointing are the many wonderful magazines that began offering women meat in their issues only to eventually be dumbed down to nothing more then a Krispy Kreme.  If I want a sweet, I’ll digest it through my mouth…not my brain. 

Ultimately, I am praying that things will change!  That the next time I find myself on a long line awaiting being “checked out,” I will pull a title of significant merit from the coinciding stand, written especially for me and women like me, that will drive me to distraction and coerce me into buying it.  One can only hope and continue to keep the faith that this will eventually occur and at regular intervals.  In the meantime, WOMEN…allow me to sum up all four topics in one succinct phrase so that you never have to waste your time considering them again.

“You are extraordinarily unique and beautiful!  Now go live your life as being just that!”

Boy, this boy must be on something. It is extremely entertaining and worth the time to listen. It will certainly brighten up your day.

Do have a click and I'd love your feedback - especially from shrinks. I also think we should start a comp for the best nickname to give this fellow -all ideas gratefully received!

Enjoy! http://www.mix.com.au/perth/shows/thebunch/features/dimitri_the_stud.html 

And please, I don't want to know if you REALLY know the guy! On the other hand we have a resident psych for you who could point you in the right direction!

For me that milestone is fast approaching.  Next week some of my partner's family is coming to visit.  One of his sons and two grandkids will be visiting for about a week.  This will be the first time I have met any of his family in person.

Understandably I am a little nervous, but I'm pretty excited as well.  I have talked to John's son on the phone a few times, but I've never had a long conversation.  I look forward to getting to know him better; he's done a lot of interesting things, he works in a unique profession, and most significantly he is an important part of my partner's life.

I am also looking forward to him getting to know me better.  He has never been hostile toward me, but I know he is skeptical of my relationship with his father.  I take it as a good sign that he is willing to come visit and that he would bring his kids too.

I've been thinking about the topic of family in relation to gay intergenerational relationships quite a bit lately.  I'm sure next week's visit will illuminate the subject some more.  Also, I'd be interested to hear about the experiences of others in a similar situation.  Do you have a story to share?  Do you have any advice on meeting family for the first time? 

I believe this article was written by a Jackie Mahaney but don't know more about her because the rest of the line of info on her was not visible!

Tired of being single? Weary from the dating scene? Feeling as though giving up on finding true love is your best choice at the moment? If your answer to these questions is a resounding yes, I ask you to first consider trying these ten ideas. If none of them work… you have my permission to throw in the towel, at least for a month or two!

1. Create a “Must Have” and “Can’t Stand” list.

How do you know what you are looking for in a partner if you haven’t taken the time to actually sit down and write it out? Take out a piece of paper… on one side make a list of the qualities that your ideal mate “must have.” On the other side of the paper, make a list of the qualities you could not stand for your partner to possess.

The items on your list must represent the qualities that are most important to you. The items must also be more realistic and less superficial. For example, instead of saying, “I want my partner to be rich.” You might want to say, “I want a partner who is financially responsible.”

Take the list that you create and put it in a safe place so that you can compare the qualities that are important to you against the qualities of prospective dates. Keep in mind that you are not looking for perfection in others. Few people will meet all of your “Must Haves”… but they should meet the really important ones.

2. Act as though you already have a mate

Have you ever heard a married man who wears a wedding ring say he gets hit on more now than he did when he was single? There is truth to that. The reason why is because people who are already in a relationship have nothing to gain or lose by getting to know strangers. There is not a feeling of discomfort or awkwardness when striking up conversations. There is no sense of, “I hope they don’t think I like them.” “I hope I don’t come across that I do like them.” “I am not sure this person is my type, I better not talk with them.” “This person is so hot that I am feeling nervous.”

When you have a partner you can get to know people without all of these worries, concerns and expectations. You can get to know people just for who they are. Many people you talk to may not seem like “your type” at first, but the more you open up the conversation the more you may realize they are worth getting to know. People in relationships don’t put initial judgments on others because they are not vulnerable to the consequences of getting to know others. Act in this way and you will find a world of dating opportunity opening up to you!

3. Be vulnerable and open with people

My yoga instructor said it perfect, “I am strong because I am vulnerable. I am vulnerable because I am strong.” In other words, being real and imperfect with people is actually a very attractive quality. Just being yourself is the best way to demonstrate how wonderful you are.

Think of how attracted you are to men/women who seem to be genuine and open about themselves and their lives. Walls are made to hold people in, or close people out. Walls around your heart hold people back and push love further away.

4. Start doing more of the things that you love

So many people want to meet someone special so that they can share their interests with a partner. I suggest that you start spending more time doing the things you love and see if you meet someone who also loves to participate in these things. If you love to play tennis… why not join a tennis league? If your hobby includes reading, why not spend more time in bookstores? The love of your life could show up on the other side of the net, or perhaps in the next aisle!

5. Make eye contact and say hello to ten strangers of the opposite sex each week

Most people would agree that there is nothing sexier than eye contact. Looking someone in the eyes and saying “hello” demonstrates sincerity as well as confidence. Remember in the movie Jerry McGuire when the character played by Renee Zellweger says, “You had me at hello?” Get someone at hello!

6. Tell your friends and family that you are ready to find a life partner

Advertising works! Referrals are the best source of positive advertising. Telling your friends and family you are truly ready for a committed relationship is like starting your own advertising campaign. They will be pleased that you have shared your desires with them and you will find that once people know this, they become aware of keeping their eyes and ears open for others with the same goal! Be ready to be set up on some great dates from people who have your best interest at heart!

7. Smile more

A smile is worth ten thousand words. A smile on your face creates a twinkle in your eye and often a spring in your step. People, by nature, are drawn to what makes them feel good. Smiling people make others feel good. Draw them to you with a nice solid grin!

8. Say yes more than you say no

According to Webster’s Dictionary the word “yes” is described as “used as a function word to express agreement.” Are you ready? Yes, I am!

In contrast, Webster’s defines the word “no” as “a function to express the negative.” Yes opens your world, no closes it. If you are ready to change your life, the meet a partner, to experience more… then you need to say “yes” to life. Yes to love, yes to change, yes to adventure and yes to the opportunities of meeting other wonderful singles, just like you.

9. Go out of your comfort zone

Do you remember the last time that someone talked you into doing something that you did not want to do? Do you remember thinking that an evening on your couch would be more fun than going to a rodeo? You end up going and 9 out of 10 times, what happens? You have fun!

Don’t feel comfortable walking up to someone and asking them to dance? What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain? When you go out of your comfort zone, you grow as a person. You experience new things and may even meet new people. Maybe you’ll meet “the one!”

10. Pray and project your desires into the universe

Have you ever heard of the researcher Dr. Elizabeth Targ? If not, let me “enlighten” you. She conducted a study on the therapeutic effects of prayer on AIDS and cancer patients. The results were striking.

After selecting practicing healers from a group of Christians, Buddists, Jews and Indian shamans… she supplied them with first names, blood counts and photographs of 20 patients with advanced Aids. For an hour a day, over a ten-week period, the healers concentrated their thoughts and prayers of these twenty people. There was another group of twenty that they did not focus on.

Targ’s research showed that the prayed for patients had fewer and less severe new illnesses, fewer doctor’s visits, less hospitalizations and were in better moods. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I choose to believe in the power of prayer and positive thoughts.

Prayer is about having faith and believing in what you can’t see. It is about accepting the idea that verbalizing your hopes, dreams and wishes is the beginning steps to making them a reality in your life. You don’t have to be a religious person to know that positive thinking creates positive actions which create positive life experiences.

I think the power of prayer is powerful and I recommend giving it a try - no matter what your spiritual beliefs are. Like Dr. Targ’s study… your results might just be striking!

Tired of being single? Weary from the dating scene? Feeling as though giving up on finding true love is your best choice at the moment? If your answer to these questions is a resounding yes, I ask you to first consider trying these ten ideas. If none of them work… you have my permission to throw in the towel, at least for a month or two!

1. Create a “Must Have” and “Can’t Stand” list.

How do you know what you are looking for in a partner if you haven’t taken the time to actually sit down and write it out? Take out a piece of paper… on one side make a list of the qualities that your ideal mate “must have.” On the other side of the paper, make a list of the qualities you could not stand for your partner to possess.

The items on your list must represent the qualities that are most important to you. The items must also be more realistic and less superficial. For example, instead of saying, “I want my partner to be rich.” You might want to say, “I want a partner who is financially responsible.”

Take the list that you create and put it in a safe place so that you can compare the qualities that are important to you against the qualities of prospective dates. Keep in mind that you are not looking for perfection in others. Few people will meet all of your “Must Haves”… but they should meet the really important ones.

2. Act as though you already have a mate

Have you ever heard a married man who wears a wedding ring say he gets hit on more now than he did when he was single? There is truth to that. The reason why is because people who are already in a relationship have nothing to gain or lose by getting to know strangers. There is not a feeling of discomfort or awkwardness when striking up conversations. There is no sense of, “I hope they don’t think I like them.” “I hope I don’t come across that I do like them.” “I am not sure this person is my type, I better not talk with them.” “This person is so hot that I am feeling nervous.”

When you have a partner you can get to know people without all of these worries, concerns and expectations. You can get to know people just for who they are. Many people you talk to may not seem like “your type” at first, but the more you open up the conversation the more you may realize they are worth getting to know. People in relationships don’t put initial judgments on others because they are not vulnerable to the consequences of getting to know others. Act in this way and you will find a world of dating opportunity opening up to you!

3. Be vulnerable and open with people

My yoga instructor said it perfect, “I am strong because I am vulnerable. I am vulnerable because I am strong.” In other words, being real and imperfect with people is actually a very attractive quality. Just being yourself is the best way to demonstrate how wonderful you are.

Think of how attracted you are to men/women who seem to be genuine and open about themselves and their lives. Walls are made to hold people in, or close people out. Walls around your heart hold people back and push love further away.

4. Start doing more of the things that you love

So many people want to meet someone special so that they can share their interests with a partner. I suggest that you start spending more time doing the things you love and see if you meet someone who also loves to participate in these things. If you love to play tennis… why not join a tennis league? If your hobby includes reading, why not spend more time in bookstores? The love of your life could show up on the other side of the net, or perhaps in the next aisle!

5. Make eye contact and say hello to ten strangers of the opposite sex each week

Most people would agree that there is nothing sexier than eye contact. Looking someone in the eyes and saying “hello” demonstrates sincerity as well as confidence. Remember in the movie Jerry McGuire when the character played by Renee Zellweger says, “You had me at hello?” Get someone at hello!

6. Tell your friends and family that you are ready to find a life partner

Advertising works! Referrals are the best source of positive advertising. Telling your friends and family you are truly ready for a committed relationship is like starting your own advertising campaign. They will be pleased that you have shared your desires with them and you will find that once people know this, they become aware of keeping their eyes and ears open for others with the same goal! Be ready to be set up on some great dates from people who have your best interest at heart!

7. Smile more

A smile is worth ten thousand words. A smile on your face creates a twinkle in your eye and often a spring in your step. People, by nature, are drawn to what makes them feel good. Smiling people make others feel good. Draw them to you with a nice solid grin!

8. Say yes more than you say no

According to Webster’s Dictionary the word “yes” is described as “used as a function word to express agreement.” Are you ready? Yes, I am!

In contrast, Webster’s defines the word “no” as “a function to express the negative.” Yes opens your world, no closes it. If you are ready to change your life, the meet a partner, to experience more… then you need to say “yes” to life. Yes to love, yes to change, yes to adventure and yes to the opportunities of meeting other wonderful singles, just like you.

9. Go out of your comfort zone

Do you remember the last time that someone talked you into doing something that you did not want to do? Do you remember thinking that an evening on your couch would be more fun than going to a rodeo? You end up going and 9 out of 10 times, what happens? You have fun!

Don’t feel comfortable walking up to someone and asking them to dance? What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain? When you go out of your comfort zone, you grow as a person. You experience new things and may even meet new people. Maybe you’ll meet “the one!”

10. Pray and project your desires into the universe

Have you ever heard of the researcher Dr. Elizabeth Targ? If not, let me “enlighten” you. She conducted a study on the therapeutic effects of prayer on AIDS and cancer patients. The results were striking.

After selecting practicing healers from a group of Christians, Buddists, Jews and Indian shamans… she supplied them with first names, blood counts and photographs of 20 patients with advanced Aids. For an hour a day, over a ten-week period, the healers concentrated their thoughts and prayers of these twenty people. There was another group of twenty that they did not focus on.

Targ’s research showed that the prayed for patients had fewer and less severe new illnesses, fewer doctor’s visits, less hospitalizations and were in better moods. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I choose to believe in the power of prayer and positive thoughts.

Prayer is about having faith and believing in what you can’t see. It is about accepting the idea that verbalizing your hopes, dreams and wishes is the beginning steps to making them a reality in your life. You don’t have to be a religious person to know that positive thinking creates positive actions which create positive life experiences.

I think the power of prayer is powerful and I recommend giving it a try - no matter what your spiritual beliefs are. Like Dr. Targ’s study… your results might just be striking!

Die beiden grössten Herausforderungen eines E-Commerce Betreibers sind Internetnutzer zum eigenen Online-Shop zu führen und diese anschliessend erfolgreich in Käufer zu konvertieren. Um beiden Ansprüchen gerecht zu werden betreiben Unternehmen Affiliate-Marketing. Wie Online-Shops mit Netzwerken erfolgreich ihre Umsätze steigern können lesen Sie in diesem Beitrag.

1. Setzen Sie sich Ziele!

Sie wollen Branding? Dann schalten Sie eine Kampagne. Sie wollen Abverkäufe und Leads generieren? Dann setzen Sie ein Affiliate Programm auf.
Durch die einfache und kosteneffiziente Art, eigene Angebote einem breiten Zielpublikum zugänglich zu machen kann Affiliate-Marketing sowohl für Produkte als auch für Dienstleistungen im Online-Business eingesetzt werden. Setzen Sie sich vor Programmstart mit Ihrem Affiliate Partner zusammen und besprechen Sie gemeinsam Umsatz- und Trafficziele.

2. Nehmen Sie sich Zeit!

Die Pflege eines Affiliate Programms und der Publisher setzt qualitative Zeit eines Verantwortlichen in der Online Marketing Abteilung voraus. Nicht selten wird der Aufwand unterschätzt. So gehört neben dem täglichen Screening der Partner viel mehr dazu! Analysen der Werbemittel, der Top-Partner, der Bestseller, Aktionen und die Auswertung von Schlüsselwerten (z.B. CTR, CR, UVR, CPO, CPL) müssen kontinuierlich vorgenommen werden und dienen als Basis für die Optimierung eines Programms. Bei unzureichenden Ressourcen im Unternehmen übernimmt TradeDoubler entweder das partielle oder das gesamte Affiliate Management im Rahmen seiner Beratungsleistungen.

3. Arbeiten Sie mit einem erfahrenen Partner!

Wählen Sie für Ihr Affiliate Programm ein Netzwerk, das auf europäischer und regionaler Ebene als auch in unterschiedlichsten Branchen tätig ist. Mit TradeDoubler gewinnen Sie einen Partner, der mit Hauptsitz in Schweden, weltweit tätig ist und lokale Niederlassungen in 18 Ländern in Europa und Asien hat. TradeDoubler ist europaweit Marktführer im Affiliate-Marketing und hat ein einzigartiges Netzwerk mit mehr als 125.000 aktive Website-Publishern und eine flächendeckende Präsenz mit mehr als 1.600 Advertisern aufgebaut.

4. Betreiben Sie Bannermanagement!

Verschiedene klickfreudige Sujets mit unterschiedlichen Themenbereichen sollten in allen verfügbaren Sprachen des Online Shops erstellt und angeboten werden. Sämtliche Werbemittel führen idealerweise mittels Deeplinking-Funktion auf Produktunterseiten, die unmittelbar auf den Einkaufskorb verweisen und somit eine sehr hohe Konversionsrate gewährleisten.

Neben klassischen Bannern (GIF/JPG bzw. Flash) erhöhen auch Textlinks, Mini-Shops, dynamische Content Module, Streaming Video Ads oder ganze Webpages die Chancen eines Programms.

5. Bieten Sie ein attraktives Provisionsmodell an!

Die Provisionen in einem Online Shop werden durch die Höhe des Bestellwertes bestimmt, woran die Publisher prozentual oder mit einem Fixbetrag beteiligt werden. Um sich von der Konkurrenz abzugrenzen sollte eine gestaffelte Vergütung mit Premium Segmenten installiert werden, wodurch insbesondere Top-Publishern einen Anreiz zur Ertragssteigerung geboten wird. Eine zusätzliche CPC-Vergütung bringt den gleichen Effekt. Impression-Sales und Impression-Leads (sog. iSales & iLeads) gehören mittlerweile zu einer Standardvergütung dazu.

6. Arbeiten Sie nur mit Prepayment

Die garantierte und pünktliche Auszahlung der Provisionen für die Publisher wird anhand eines Prepayment-Kontos gewährleistet. Ähnlich wie bei einem Handyguthaben wird dieses bei einem geringen Kontostand immer wieder aufgefüllt.

7. Begeistern Sie mit Beziehungsmanagement

In regelmässigen Abständen müssen Informationen zu neuen Angeboten, Produktneuheiten oder E-Shop Updates aufbereitet werden, um seine Affiliates bei den Verkaufsaktivitäten zu unterstützen und zu motivieren. Der Werbekunde nutzt neben E-Mail-Kommunikation und Partner-Newslettern bei TradeDoubler auch Advertiser Promotions im Publisher Interface.

8. Bevorzugen Sie qualitative Partner

Das Screening aller teilnehmenden Partnerseiten ermöglicht es, nur solche Affiliates Werbung schalten zu lassen, die durch ihre Webseite einen tatsächlichen Mehrwert für den Advertiser schaffen.

9. Nutzen Sie eine transparente Trackinglösung

Verwenden Sie bei Ihrer Auswertung neueste Online-Tracking-Technologie, um Traffic, Leads und Verkäufe für Ihr Unternehmen zu generieren. Nur eine hoch entwickelte Tracking-Technologie kann Ihnen die notwendigen Werte für eine umfangreiche Analyse und Optimierung Ihres Programms bieten.

10. Kennt man Ihren Online-Shop?

Ein deutlicher Bekanntheitsgrad der Firma ist Voraussetzung für eine Akzeptanz im Affiliate Netzwerk. Je besser man Ihre Marke, Ihre Produkte und Services kennt, desto eher klicken User auf Ihre Banner und konvertieren in Verkäufe und/oder Leads. Da hierdurch am ehesten Provisionen für die Publisher entstehen werden bekannte Marken bevorzugt beworben.
Eine einfache E-Shop-Navigation sowie ein breites Produktsortiment sind weitere wichtige Erfolgskriterien.

  

I've never believed in the idea of selling your soul for another person.  I enjoy independance, separate friends, political views, and bathroom habits.  I've dated the men who are looking for Ms. Southern Belle. I'm not a Barbie Doll to display, I am a real life thinking girl.  I've painfully tried on the guys who are extremely insecure and have received their therapy bill after it ends.  Done the artist love affair as a Muse.  Giving all to eventually be replaced by an upgrade is not fun.  None those men quite fit.

I insist that a man will not provide for my existence.   I was breed with a work ethic for that one.  Though I will take a free chocolate martini!  I don't want the guy who cared so little, that he forgets you slept together.  I can't do a quick bang me up.  Tried that one.  I found I like a steady toss in my bed.  

The man I want is my Clyde.  Bonnie and Clyde where two fools in deep passionate love.  They didn't feel compelled to own each other through marriage.  Simply partner's in crime.  Clyde shared with Bonnie his political beliefs, causes, and passion for living a life against the law.  Bonnie embraced Clyde's dreams, didn't steal, belittle, or drag him away.  She grabbed Clyde's hand and went along for the ride.  Together they lived a life in pursuit of changing things.  Murder sprees may have not been the most socially acceptable method, but they built a legacy together.  Together as a team, but known as separate individuals in history.  

I don't want the Leave It To Beaver relationship.  I want a Clyde to choose to share every facet of his life with me.  Together, we would passionately charge through life in a vengeance to create a legacy.

Energia&Amore, club di amicizia e incontri.
Via Giardini, 472 - Direzionale 70, Scala L - 41100 Modena

Info@energiamore.it

Dr Fulbright explores the theme of whether Love at First Sight is the real deal or not - in my book it certainly is and with our SHI Symbol for Singles it makes it so much easier to 'simply meet people'!

This is what Dr Fulbright says:

We’ve seen it happen in movies like “Moulin Rouge” and “Titanic.” We’ve heard it sung about in tunes like, “I Saw Her Standing There.” We’ve marveled over it in TV shows like “Dharma & Greg.”

Yet despite the media’s love affair with it, is there any reality to love at first sight? Can just one look spark romantic attraction? Perhaps more importantly, does finding the “one” in a flash ultimately bring a “match made in heaven”?

While I’ve experienced instant “energy” and attraction at first sight, I’ve never known love at first sight. It takes a bit more than eye candy for somebody to truly catch my interest.

But I know people who have experienced this wonder. A couple of them are now married. And they’re quite incredulous about it. Who knew that Cupid could so easily make the perfect shot?

Apparently, a lot of people think he’s quite the marksman. An Israeli poll of 240 males and 253 females found that 56 percent believed in love at first sight. Forty percent also held the belief that everyone has a twin romantic soul. Another survey, from the 1960s, of 679 American men and women found that 30 percent had indeed fallen in love the moment they laid eyes on their partner.

Yet despite people’s expectations around such split-second seductions, love researchers will tell you that love at first sight is rare. In an interview study on this phenomenon, psychology professor Ayala Malach Pines, author of "Falling in Love," found that only one-tenth (or 11 percent) of her participants had fallen in love at first glance. Thirty-three percent of participants said they fell in love gradually.

Still, when love at first sight does happen, men tend to get hit with Cupid’s arrow more often than women, according to research by evolutionary psychologists, like David Buss, who study the sexual differences between men and women.

The reason for this is quite crude, but also understandable. A women’s physical appearance, for example, gives men a plethora of cues as to her fertility and reproductive value. Interestingly, this also lends support to the notion that men are more taken with physical attractiveness than women. (Notion? that's all we ever hear about from guys!)

What’s even more fascinating is that the characteristics of first-sight attraction are shared by other species. We’re not simply love-crazed humans. Many creatures express instant attraction, much like humans, in that we all:

— Focus our attention on this preferred mating partner;

— Find our energy level boosted;

— Become obsessive in thinking about the love object; ain't that the truth!

— Suffer from sleeplessness and a loss of appetite; uh-huh, there again, the sleeplessness could be for a couple of reasons...

— Practice possessiveness over our mates;

— Show physical affection, such as nuzzling; Is that all? I don't think so

— Demonstrate goal-oriented courtship behaviors;

— Channel all of our energies to win over this particular beloved. It's that obsessive thing again!

Regardless of sex, this instant attraction makes sense, biologically speaking. Many species only have a few minutes, hours, days, or weeks to breed. As mating consumes time and energy, wooing can put one in a compromising position, increasing the creature’s vulnerability to predators.

Early man likely experienced the same. Thus, love at first sight enables men and women to focus their energy on a particular individual and to begin the courtship — and breeding (must have been written from the '70s on!)— straight away.

Research out of the University of Aberdeen in the United Kingdom further lends support for this evolutionary perspective, but with a twist. Instant attraction does prevent one from wasting his or her time, but it’s also a narcissistic response. Love at first sight has little to do with romance. Instead, it’s all about ego.

People are attracted to those who are attracted to them. Investigators at the university’s Face Research Laboratory found that the most important cue in showing interest in another is whether someone is looking directly at you. (Helped along by your SHI Symbol of course)

So, call it Cupid, the media, divine intervention, or Mother Nature at work, is love at first sight ultimately all that? With many mistaking lust for love, instantaneously falling for someone could actually prove itself disastrous. As we all know, hopping in the sack doesn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with “together forever” hopes.

Investigators at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands sought to learn just how well the effortlessly amorous fair in the long run. In a study involving 137 married or cohabitating couples, researchers found that those who experienced love at first sight did become romantically involved faster than those who hadn’t.

It also found that these couples shared more dissimilar personalities. They differed primarily around levels of social interaction, emotional stability, and autonomy. These couples did not, however, report lower relationship quality.

Certainly, it gives all of us enough incentive to look someone straight in the eye the next time you want a little bit — or a lot of — lovin.’

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."