When you see a child get a beating - not the "whap" on the bottom that is more than likely deserved - but a beating.  No one says anything.  If something is said, or addressed, or social services called - it's the same song and dance.  You have read the reports just as I have - people in a position to do the right thing but don't and run from the responsibilities of their job - ie Pennsylvania I believe it is?  Or when the child is approached and told to tell the truth - the wrong parent gets "investigated" - gee - imagen that.  Or worse yet - child dies - due to political correctness. 

How I define beating and whap.  A beating can be the palm of a hand opened full on and the proceeding hand motions to hit the bottom; the taking off of a belt and whaling it as hard as possible - not caring where it lands; the closed fist motion - etc. etc.   Big - huge - black and blue bruises pop up and the child tells everyone they fell or the child forges a note so they don't have to change for gym. 

The whap on the bottom is where a defining moment of a parent is reached.  The child has done something that she/he knows was not to be done and had been told already, "No, don't do that".  It is disciplinary.   People use to do that all the time.  It defines to the child - that the mother or father is the one in charge - not the them. But you can't do that anymore because everyone conformed to "that is child abuse".   No that is responsibiliy. 

So - a touchy subject - all the way around - but the political correct way is ignore it.  Scandals pop up.  Don't believe me - why are more and more children dying from their parents hand or being negelected from a any state system put in place to protect them??? Why?  Onward.....

With the violence that goes on in the world - then here in the United States because though it is "The Land of The Free and Home Of the Brave" - we just can't work together.  (Now, I'm not saying I want a utopia - but fairness that is equal.) 

Recently, the United States has experienced school bullying up close and dangerously/deadly.  I am speaking of the gun violence brought into the schools.  Warning signs people.  Warning signs.  Doctors, forgo your fee and stand by your words and ethics to warn whoever needs to be warned.  During the interviews the main theme in all of them - "they kept to themselves" - "they had a history of being bullied but I didn't think it was that bad" - "we kind of saw some signs, but talked to them" ----- ummm ----- they are children.  (See, any adult that speaks to someone say 40 or 50 or older, always calls you a kid. Do they or do they not?)

Translation of why I have writen about oh so touchy subjects.   Recently, it has "come to light" - the scientist that sent the anthrax was already diagnosed (!!!) as having issues.  I quote, "Privacy concerns, bureaucratic loopholes, the demands of a criminal investigation — all combined to let Ivins keep his job and stay out of jail for years. And in the high-security lab until last November."   People. Does anyone, anyone see a pattern?? Dig further back - I bet he suffered abuse of the worst kind - more than likely bullied to death in school/college too - why were those people targetted??? Why?  There has to be a connection.  There has to be.  There always is.  Talk to a forensics psychologist, a detective, or even a profiler - there is always a common link of some kind that will connect the dots.  Has to be. If there wasn't, the creme de crene, that have committed home grown terrorist acts on this soil already, wouldn't have been caught!  (Yes people are not buying he was the guy who sent the biological agent - and there are conspiracy theorist out there working that already. So - no need to mention that/those here.)

Think.  Watch. Don't over react. Listen. Pay attention. Get the facts.  Connect the dots.  Theorize. Cover your bases.  If no one listens - then go to the next one who will.  A boss - has a boss - has a boss.

HEY PARENTS!!!  I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about our back to school event called "Make it Count!"  August 29th 7:00-10:00 P.M.  Concerts by Set Apart and Ryan Stevenson.  Gospel presented by Marty Tadman.  For all Jr. High and High School students.  Cost is $5 plus a can of food.  All proceeds go to Invisible Children Foundation.  The purpose of this night is to "MAKE IT COUNT" this year.  Eagle Christian Church will be doing a 5 week series on Compassion, and we are joining the cause.  Our goal is to get hundreds of teenagers through the door.  Door prizes will be given out.  Snacks will be available upstairs.  This event is in the chapel here at ECC.  We're so excited about what God will do with this semester.  Be sure to make sure your teen joins us.

Children's Relief Nursery provides a safe and nurturing environment for children to grow emotionaly and socialy. We educate and support parents who are struggling with poverty, mental illness, drug or alcohol abuse, or isolation. We emphasize the child/parent relationship and help families become strong. We offer regular home visits and help parents access local resources. Together, we are building a community where children are safe.

We rely on volunteers to help us provide our services free of charge. If you're interested in coming in for a tour or would like information about volunteering, contact liz@crn4kids.org

All changes can be a bit confusing, so don't hesitate to holler if you need some guidance.  Think it terms of steps.  Or, in terms of ECC vernacular - Maximum Impact Wednesday Night Ministries is the REACH part of the Student Minsitries.  I define it as the, "BRING-IN-AS-MANY-STUDENTS-AS-POSSIBLE-AND-PACK-THE-HOUSE-FOR-JESUS" program with the intent of sharing the gospel on an introductory level.  As students mature in their faith and understanding of Jesus we want them to take the next step.  The next level is Sunday Morning worship and block class options.  Somewhere between Wednesday night and Sunday morning a student will make a decision for Jesus.  So, Sunday morning is the TEACH piece.  After that are D-Groups.  This is the place where students commit to being a part of a group that glorifies Jesus together.  They hold each other accountable in their faith, pray together, study together, and take on ministry together.  They will be together with the same sex/age students and will have the same leaders up through graduation.  This is the "EQUIP" and "SEND" pieces of the ministry. 

If your teen is signed up for a D-Group they will be contacted in the next couple of weeks by the D-Group leader.  If they have not signed up it is not too late.  This is an added piece of the ministry that allows for students to grow deep in the word and deep in Christian relationship.

FINALLY - There are 20 students who have volunteered to come and make phone calls.  We have over 500 students on our phone call list.  They will each be called, individually, and encouraged to be a part of what's going on here.  Praise God and pray for these students as they get "uncomfortable" for Jesus!

Mike

At first glance, it appears that there are different rules for the wealthy than for the poor and middle-class in almost every area - taxation, investment, lending, education, happiness.  But that's just looking at the result.

The real difference between rich and poor in this country is relevant financial education.  There ARE different rules, but what separates people is not money but knowledge.

What you don't know CAN and does hurt you.

Historically we got our financial education from our families and for this reason our financial experience was unlikely to be significantly different from our parents.  That may have worked when economic and financial trends changed slowly.  But it doesn't work anymore.

The reality is that if you are applying the financial education you received in your middle-class home you are more likely than ever to end up poor.  Did you read that?  Not middle-class - poor.

How many of these statements would you consider true?

Your home is your biggest and best long term investment.

Paying off your mortgage quickly creates more financial security.

A 401K is the safest, smartest retirement plan option.

High returns require high risk.

If you accepted ANY of these as true, you owe it to yourself to invest in your financial education before you invest anywhere else.  Debunk the myths.  Kill the sacred cows.  Investing in your education first gives you the knowledge you need to see through these myths and create the future you deserve.

Knowledge in Action is Power.

Invest in yourself, then claim your reward.

I'm not really sure if they'll ever be ok with it to be honest. My mother got really confused by it all I think saying things such as "But I thought you wanted to get married and have children?" - and then when I replied that that hadn't in fact changed, she really didn't get it! But hey-ho it's done now and there's no taking it back. One word of advice however to those out there considering taking the step out of the closet... don't wait too long to do it. Believe me I know how scary it is to form the words to those that created you, but when they find out that your 'friend' of 10 months was actually your girlfriend of 10 months (Happy Anniversary baby!) they soon play the lied to card and are all of a sudden down your throats. From my experience, the sooner it's out (or you are...) the better!

"I'm sort of a gay success story, a very inspirational one. What happened to me is exactly the opposite of what closeted people fear: They think they'll lose everything if they come out. This did not happen to me at all. In fact, everything came back tenfold."
- Melissa Etheridge

In preparation for tomorrow's Youth Ministry Conversation with Tim Schmoyer on the topic of parental involvement in the lives of their teenagers I thought I would jot down some of my own thoughts on this subject.  This was a topic that Tim had put up for an idea to post a while back and now seemed like the right time.

My first thought is tied to the Word of God in the book of Dueteronomy 6 beginning in verse 4 and going through 9

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

This is a portion of Scripture referred to as the Shema.  It is a prayer that is read through two times daily in the life of Jewish prayer services.  It also serves as a great reminder of whose role it is to disciple teenagers.  Parents remain the Scriptural leaders of their homes and therefore need to be greatly involved in the lives of their teenagers.

This passage of Scripture gives many different scenarios in our daily comings and goings where we should be talking with our children about God.  It is not just enough to talk about it but also for parents to model this lifestyle.  While the importance of parental involvement is spoken of in the Bible it is echoed in today's society.  Of the more than 250,000 teenagers surveyed by USA Weekend 70% identified their parents as the most important influence in their lives.

I believe that one of the most important roles that I can play as a youth pastor is that of a parent-discipler.  Yes, the time that I spend with teenagers directly is valuable.  But understanding that the influence a parent has on a teenager greatly overshadows my influence makes me that much more cognizant of where I need to be focusing my energy.

When I identify that the vast majority of students I work with have parents who are not mature Christian adults themselves I see where I must work the hardest.  From issues of common-sense parenting to spiritual growth, I need to do whatever I can to help equip parents with the tools they need to grow.  If I can mentor parents I know that the cycle will recur with parents mentoring their teenagers.  Whatever I can do to communicate the importance to parents of this is what I will do.  The major role that I play is in setting expectation levels for parents and teenagers.  Children generally live according to our expectations of them.  If I can help parents understand and form healthy spiritual expectations for their teenagers I have done my job.

George Barna has done some research in the area of family and faith and found that 85% of parents with children under the age of 13 believe they have the primary responsibility of teaching their children about spiritual matters, and 96 % believe they have the primary responsibility of teaching their children values.  However, the majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing spiritual matters with their children.

Questions that can be asked of parents in regards to how they model their faith:

• Do you love God with all your heart, soul, and mind?
• Do you seek first His kingdom?
• Do you spend regular time with God?
• Do you view your children as gifts from God?
• Are you encouraging your children?
• Are you spending sufficient time with your children?
• Are you a good steward of the gifts, opportunities, and resources God has entrusted to you?
• What is your involvement in caring and serving others?

These questions help me shape the approach that I can take with them as we talk more about how they can best be discipled.  One thing that I have learned over the last 9 years of being a parent myself is that there are things in our life that matter most.  My relationship with God, My relationship with my family - those are the things that come first.  Whatever I can do to help parents reprioritize their lives to focus on involvement with the teenagers will pay off tremendously in the future legacy of each family that I can be involved in.

On a practical note, in our student ministry we find many ways to connect parents in volunteering within the student ministry.  Whether they serve as small group leaders, serve food at our meal times, prepare desserts to serve after our small groups, help us set up and clean up at Impact, or even prepare mailings for upcoming events - we understand that parents can be some of the best leaders that we have in our student ministry because they have a great interest in the spiritual lives of the teenagers.

Thoughts?

My wife was happy nonetheless to get away for a weekend.  She's always happy when she gets a chance to dress up.  She made sure that she had her dermablend makeup and her favorite bag.  She had a new, beautiful dress that she looked absolutely stunning in.  We had a great time at the wedding together, and it was nice to come back to a hotel room that had lock on it.  We don't have that kind of privacy even in our own home!  She also got to pamper herself with her unrefined shea butter.  So, she was happy.

During the ride, we had some good conversations with my folks.  My middle brother is going through a very difficult time in his marriage.  I could sense the hurt that my parents had was so incredibly deep.  I can't imagine what it is like for them to watch their children go through pain and not be able to help.  It's a glimpse of what the Father must have felt when he had to turn away from the Son.

First off, I'll admit that this was the biggest concert I have ever attended. Pushing a bit larger was the Sasquatch music festival, but that is multiple bands playing multiple days, so that doesn't really count. The sheer volume of concert goers really blew me away, everyone from hipsters, to young parents were there. Getting drunk, getting high and having fun was the main priority, and no one seemed that deterred by the rain. It was really quite special.

Radiohead really played for the crowd. I can't stand it when bands play a pretentious selection of their personal favs, or new tracks they think "should be favourites". Starting off with "15 Steps", and going right back to "There There" (from Hail to the Thief), I could tell that there would be some genuine diversity to the show. It was really great to hear In Rainbows live, all with classic Radiohead bits mixed in with new enthusiasm. My highlight was "National Anthem" with some really trippy visuals, which made up for being a kilometer away from the stage.

Photo credit

One plus/minus that made the whole show so unique was the accidental inclusion of fireworks. A firework competition was going on elsewhere on the island and it scared the pants off of members of the audience (I thought it was gunshots). For me, it made the whole thing a little bit more special, but Thom Yorke had a different opinion. He mentioned the fireworks being "A huge waste" considering they weren't "At the end or in time [with the music]". He's right though, the fireworks would have been sooo much cooler had they been synchronized with the tunes.

I guess the light show on the stage was good enough for the ticket price, and this show will be going down in my memories as epic.

I have a confession to make. I am a potty mouth. Yep, yes I am. I rotted Garren's teeth out when he was a baby. At 16 months old he had to be put under general anesthesia and have fillings put in his four top teeth.

Why? 

Because I got the brilliant idea to clean his pacifier with my own mouth a couple times when he was a baby. I am not a koolaid mom I swear! This child was nursed and had NO sugar or sweets of any kind. Didn't matter. The bacteria was in his mouth waiting for his little teeth to show up.

You can say, well on occasion I've put the handle of the pacifier in my mouth, but never the nipple, doesn't matter. Little babies LOVE to grab at that pacifier handle and then stick their fingers in their mouths. I've also taken a bit of their food with their spoon to encourage them to eat. DUMB! DUMB! DUMB!

Why didn't anyone tell me this? I realize you shouldn't kiss all over baby when you're sick because you don't want to give them a cold, but no one told me about this bacteria called strep mutans. I wasn't sick. I didn't have anything to worry about. UGH! So wrong.

One of his teeth wound up getting an abscess when he was two and had to be removed. For those of you who've had children have medical procedures, you know how horrible it is when they administer that medicine that makes your child's eyes roll back in his head and knock him unconscious. It's awful. This all could have been prevented with a little knowledge.

I was even a dental assistant and didn't have this kind of information. In fact, a lot of dentists don't even realize this. I remember the reproving looks I got from the dentists who were oh, so, certain I was giving my child Coca Cola in his bottle. I finally found out what was wrong when we moved to Jacksonville and got my child a pedi dentist who had a state of the art facility and was current with his dental knowledge.

I suppose the snotty attitude I got from the dentists was karma. I remember being smug knowing I would do a better job with my child, even though I had no children yet, as I saw my nephew's front teeth rot out. I had no proof that she fed her child unhealthy foods, but she must have right? Or was she just not brushing his teeth? What a jerk I was. In hindsight I remember she fed her child extremely healthy foods, better than I do my own kids now. I also remember watching her chew her food for her baby and giving it to him. Before you get all grossed out, she's from another country and their ideas on things might be different than ours. That was most likely where his dental problems came from. Her mouth, her bacteria.

Now granted, this doesn't happen to everyone, I'm just lucky. We don't have this bacteria when we're born. I'm pretty sure I got it making out with Bobby in between classes my freshman year.  Even though it doesn't happen to everyone, I still don't understand why they don't tell you this at the hospital with all that other crap they tell you after you have a baby. It's such a simple, preventable thing. Now whenever I see a mom kiss their baby on the mouth, I cringe. That's a shame.

Here's a little article about it for further clarification.

http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bhealth/0,,46v9,00.html

Don't kiss your baby on the mouth, don't put anything in your mouth that will come in contact with your child's mouth or hands. Don't do what I did. Eat those cheeks up, but stay away from the lips, the pacifier and spoons. Chewing gum with xylitol greatly reduces or eliminates this particular bacteria in moms' mouths.

*my name is pajama momma and I approve this message

You'd be better off having your kid kiss this.

Why To Uniform:

Cheaper -- Having gone uniform shopping with several friends, outfitting a kid with uniforms is way cheaper than buying the brand name clothes kids want. I think the no-visible brands is a great part of the policy since it eliminates the need for top labels. Granted kids will still need some casual clothes, but they can probably be nicer and last longer since they won't be getting school day wear and tear.

Safer Schools -- No, kids aren't going to stop joining gangs simply because schools have uniforms, but a uniform policy that limits the affiliations they can display is a step in the right direction. It is also much easier to tell who is a student vs. teacher vs. campus visitor vs. parent. Yes, someone can still dress in the uniform and come on campus, but in reality most campus visitors won't, and it's much easier to see who they are.

Fewer Distractions -- From belt buckles with scrolling text, body parts hanging out, to pants covered with pictures of drug paraphernalia (and in that case I was STUNNED that the student had made it to my last period class without being sent home -- WHAT!?) I know if I'm disgusted/distracted as the teacher, students are going to be too. Teachers trying to enforce a more open dress code also waste lots of time trying to distinguish lines in the sand with administrators, students and parents. That time is much better spent on engaging academic instruction. (I've visited dozens upon dozens of schools in the last years, and the most efficiently running ones all had uniformed students). (Example of belt buckle photo found here)

Fairness to Students -- The aforementioned "lines in the sand" leave students with lots of "but she wore something this _________ the other day and you didn't say anything!" Heck, maybe she did, but when dress code is determined on a case by case basis, it's hard to be fair and consistent. What determines that a garment may be appropriate on one student, and inappropriate on another? Having a solid standard that's applied to all students is better for the masses and doesn't leave administrators and teachers in the position of defending their decisions.

Why Not To Uniform:

Limits Physical Expression -- Students like to use their dress as a form of self expression. We all get that. It's part of exploring identity. Different clothes often come with different roles/groups/classifications. However, there's also plenty of outside-of-school time for the big kid version of pre-school dress up. What's so bad about forcing students to find alternative means of self expression (words, actions, creations) that require a bit more self reflection to produce?

Requires a Wardrobe Revamp -- You can't just run to your local mall and be set to go. It can better a little bit more challenging to find the specific pieces to fit school uniform codes. However, school districts often want to help and will contact local retailers and ask them to carry these items. Many schools sell the pieces themselves for added convenience. However, once you find a retailer (or combination of several) who carry what you need, it can be simple school shopping for many school years to come. (Image found here)

It's Not THE Solution to All That's Wrong -- and shouldn't be presented as such. Uniforms aren't going to increase school budgets, improve teacher competency, teach kids to read or magically solve a growing number of problems plaguing public schools. However, they do set a more professional and orderly appearance among the students. Dressing for the part is a large piece of adult life -- we wouldn't wear jeans and a t-shirt to a job interview (ok some adults would, but they probably wouldn't be offered the job). Teaching kids about professionalism and how their appearance often conveys (correctly or other wise) attitude is a valuable life lesson for them to begin learning in school.

Having not attended, taught at, or sent a child to a uniformed school, I'm really interested to hear feedback from others! Feel free to share what you'd add to the list of pros and cons and your experience with uniforms.

Well you don't have to wait any longer... here's some advice for all you forlorn parents out there.

Parenting 101 from Growing Kids John's Way

Enough said. A picture is worth a 1000 words.

All I know is this whole trend of old people joining these sites needs to stop.

Myspace is one thing with all the weirdos who've polluted that, but on Facebook, the only old people I'd previously seen had been college professors, "cool mom" types, and overprotective parents of high schoolers. And I never really gave a crap until this hit home recently:

My mom joined Facebook.

I mean, c'mon... what? Seriously, mom?

Apparently an uncle of mine -- whose kids (aka: my cousins) I'm really close to -- had joined and sent out a bunch of email friend invitations.

One happened to be to my mom. So, of course, she accepted the invite.

Knowing I was on Facebook based on stuff I'd told her about how I'd gotten back in contact with mad ol' skool people I used to know, she told me she joined after accepting an invite from my uncle, rather than just going ahead breaking me off a friend request.

I reacted somewhere along the lines of "What!?!? Why?", which resulted in her telling me that I didn't have to be her friend. On one hand, I felt bad that I may have offended her, but on the other hand, I don't want to be her friend.

Dude, she's my mom.

Sure, I'm an adult, I can do whatever I want, and all that crap, but I don't need her being in my business. I mean, here's the kind of stuff I'm trying to avoid in real life:

"Oh, who's that? She's cute. Where do you know her from?"

Look, in due time when I land me an awesome woman I feel comfortable letting Momz know about and/or meet, that'll happen. But in the meantime, I need to do my thing without all the outside prying.

So far the old people have been banding together and haven't become friends with myself or any of the other cousins in my generation of the family. That's fine for now, but that particular uncle's wife -- aka my mom's sister, aka my aunt -- hasn't joined yet.

I love my aunt. A lot. She's fun, funny, has always been a cool adult type without ever trying too hard by doing things like joining Facebook, and yet she still commands adult-like authority figure respect.

But she's also got an almost meddlesome curiosity about her, especially when it comes to people in her family. Having her as a friend might actually almost be worse -- for the purposes of "the adults" prying and being in my business -- than if my mom were my friend.

I'm certain that if she joined Facebook, she, with the intent of bridging the old generation/young generation gap, would friend request everyone on both sides.

At that point, it's almost certain the dominoes would fall family-wide, where if she friend-requested me I'd have no choice but to accept, and then if I were her friend, I'd have to be my uncle's friend, and obviously, my mom's friend.

And then a whole new world of prying and prodding would begin.

Ugh.

I'm getting too old for this. Wait... maybe I'm too old for Facebook?

there are few things in life that make me feel more alive than being able to have a true connection with someone. when the world is made of plastic components and acrylic coatings, i cherish the few moments that i might be able to enjoy a wordless smile with someone halfway across the world.

when i reflect back on my childhood, i almost don't know how to look at it. my sister says that as we are growing up, we tend to create paradigms for our childhood - if we, to that point, perceive it to be bad, then we will start to filter our memories as such and thus begin to identify with only the miserable ones. most people, it seems, develop these paradigms very quickly, and it's apparent in anyone whom you talk to just what their view is. for me, however, i don't think that i have yet begun to look at my childhood as anything but objectively. it's hard for me to put a label on it. while there was much pain and many hurtful times that i would rather cast away into the oblivion of human forgetfulness, there are also times that were well beyond my deserving, certainly. i think of how lucky i was in contrast to how many things i was forced to deal with that my peers were not, and i consider, does it all just even out?

it is written that to those who are blessed comes much suffering.

my teenage years, though difficult to truly evaluate, are remembered as dark and lonely. i'm not ashamed to admit that both of my parents are receiving help for their respective personality conditions, but up until the point of just a few months ago i was living under the roof of two very sick people who were too far in the forest to see the trees. my memories consist of being holed up in my oversized room in this oversized house, occupying myself with meaningless activities and constantly looking outside my window. i never asked to go out with friends because i knew i would be told no. i never had friends over because i knew that they would be unnecessarily criticized. and so alone i was, working on insignificant crafts such as writing, or stitching, or drawing, or playing computer games, to pass the time. i remember resenting my situation so intensely that i carried the anger around with me wherever i went. i was, no doubt, an angry adolescent. i was often in trouble at school for the things i had written or the things that had come out of my mouth. "don't tread on me" could have been my personal mantra.

i don't blame my parents for raising me the way that they did. as i have written before, i find it difficult to blame individuals who are not completely at fault for their behaviors. if a person with alzheimers, for instance, forgets who his son is, should the son hold it against his father and say "i can't believe he doesn't recognize his very own son!"; or, should he say to himself, "this is not my father - this is the disease." maybe no choice is right, but in my mind the latter is more just. it is also more difficult - how easy is it just to react? - but i have often been reminded that the easy things and the right things do not fall under the same category.

i have recently had many conversations akin to this with my sister, and her consensus is a little less optimistic than mine. even though we are twins, so very close, there are things that will always separate us. in her eyes, childhood was insufferable and adulthood is doomed to repeat - some people are just dealt bad hands. in my wishful thinking, i can only hope that my upbringing (sad and lonely as it was) has tortured me to my physical limits, and that now, in the future, there is something or someone out there worth waiting for. it is possible that her perception could be reality - what if there is nothing else in life to look forward too? what if i am so broken by my parents than i cannot hope for a normal life? no one really knows. but this kind of destructive and negative thinking is apt to convince me to end my life, while on the other hand i want to believe that i have much to live for. as bad as it was, as much as i carry with me, as many scars and unhealed wounds that i see marring my skin, i'd rather be patient and wait, just to see if life has something in store for me or not.

i told my sister once, in more or less words,

"i wouldn't change anything.... maybe... you know, sometimes you have to go through the hard things in order to appreciate something more. in my life, i don't need the big house, or the ph.d degree in econ, or the fame from writing, or any of that to feel complete. i just want to be a good mother. if i have done all of those things and failed as a mother, that's it - my life is over. and maybe... maybe i wouldn't be able to be the kind of mother that i want to be had i not gone through all of this."

if such is the case, then i can accept and forgive what has been given to me. i think that it's possible that sometimes we only appreciate or learn through bad experience; this has always been my style. i'm the kind of person who won't take your word for it that the pot on the stove is hot. i may see the steam, and smell the heat, and see that the indicators are all on and in order, but there is something in me that tells me that i've actually got to touch that pot and burn my hand before i believe you. i have always been hardheaded and stubborn, but never more so when i'm learning everything the "hard way."

in my mind, i'm being reminded of a biblical verse that i flipped to last week, something that i had underlined and starred all those years ago - something to the effect of "those who were first will be last; likewise, those who were last will be first." the interpretation of this line has always been a basic one, and one that many have used in times of deep, unrelenting suffering (such as poverty). "blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." in regards to measurable human suffering, i do not compare. i have never had to worry about where i would lay my head for the night. i have never had to do without food. i have never had to walk outside without proper clothing. my basic needs have been met, and then some. my family is living within the top 5% of this country's socio-economic hierarchy. yes, i understand this. logically, it makes sense. but to have grown up so emotionally battered and deprived.... there are days when i feel i have nothing to say, no comparison to make to those who have been plagued by death, or disease, or war, or famine, or drought. yet there are other days when i know that i have great personal debts that must account for some kind of void that has been put into my life - is mine not also separately significant?

i think that there was a point in my life when i was looking for a "hero" - someone to exorcise the pain, to blot it out with their greatness, or distract me from its heavy cliffs.

but i don't need anyone, or anything, of the sort.

i won't ever forget what happened to me or what i've been through, but i can forgive it. and i will never be a complete individual because of what i have seen, but i can be functional. i find a great sense of pride in being able to stand on my own to feet, to be able to turn to the ones so downtrodden around me and say, "these are the things that were, and this is the person who rose from all of that dust and ash - it can be done." the strength exists, yes, though deep excavating must be performed to reach it.

in life i live with few regrets. of course, if we were truly in control, we probably would work to eliminate all of the disagreeable experiences in life, but who would we be, then? is it not those rough spots and patches that truly make us who we are? who knows? who's to say that i would have turned out the same in different circumstances? there are too many variables that come into play. i think that the idea that someone gentle and loving can come from a home of abuse is a testament to the limitless possibilities we are given through divinity. on the other hand, the idea that someone can come from a so-called "easy life" and end up embittered and mean because of it is merely a display of the human will over spirit. the whole nature versus nurture argument comes to a standstill. i can't help but to consider, in spite of it, that i would be a different person without my set of experiences. i'm quite confident of it. it's better not to live with regrets.

at any given moment, we are the sum total of all that we have seen, and all that we have been, and all that we have said or done or heard - which is quite an amazing thought in of itself. is it possible that i needed all of this, just to face today, or tomorrow? quite possible. i'm willing to wait to see how i can use it.

“Our family is pretty active”.  I hear it all of the time.  But what does “pretty active” really mean?  Obviously, different things to different people.  But, how does your family’s physical activity compare to the national recommendations for kids and adults?  Let’s find out.  Answer the following questions (yes or no) and discover how your family habits add up.

1. My family watches television one hour or less per day.
2. My family members spend one hour or less on the computer per day (at home).
3. Everyone in my family owns a bicycle and uses it at least once a week (in warm weather months).
4. My family walks or plays outside together at least 30 minutes, three times per week.
5. We own and use sport equipment such as basket ball, soccer ball, baseball and bat, tennis racket and ball, badminton set, croquet set, lacrosse, etc.
6. My kids play outside at least 5 days per week for a minimum of 30 – 60 minutes (not including school recess).
7. My kids have learned or are learning to swim by age four.
8. My kids walk to and from school.
9. My kids are physically active at school at least 30 – 60 minutes per day (recess and/or physical education).
10. The adults in my family participate in 30-60 minutes of moderate to vigorous activity at least 5 days per week.

Now, add up the number of questions you can answer “yes” to.  How active is your family?

If your family scored 7 or more yeses, you can legitimately say you are “pretty active”.  You are teaching the good habits that family members need for lifelong physical activity and health.

If your family scored 4-6 yeses, you have some good habits already in place.  Now, take the next step and add some new activity habits to boost your activity time and increase your family’s health.

If your family scored 3 or less yeses, you need to make some lifestyle adjustments.  Your family is in danger of a sedentary lifestyle that can put members at risk for overweight, diabetes, high blood pressure and future heart disease.  Start now and implement one new activity habit per month.  Soon your family will enjoy more activity time, fun and memory-making moments together!

All the craziness has worn me out. I've come down with a cold... it's august people. Colds shouldn't be had when it's 100*+ outside! So craziness + a cold = no regular posts for the last couple of days.

Back to college. I got my athletic/ rowing schedule for my first week at ksu. I will be busy, busy, busy.  I will wait until that day to tell you... so I'm leaving you in suspense until them. I will tell you that... actually, I need to just keep it zipped. But it will be interesting; I promise! We'll all be going through the life as a NCAA Div. 1 athlete together. It's gunna be happenin'! (in 2 weeks, ahhh!)

**Despite the fact that I'm now an adult and take myself to my own doctors appointments, I asked my dad for help with dealing with Dell. My mom just recieved an email from my dad's company's dell correspondent who said that they were going to handle my problem, even though I'm out of the 21 day warranty period. Whoo Hoo, Go Dad! And btw, the Dr said no more running untilwe figure out whats going on with my shins. Hey, at least I got to my summer goal: running a 5k, last thursday!**

Mark Brady, Ph.D., is a dad, an award-winning author, a teacher and trainer. He has taught Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) courses for the last 12 years. Mark has also written numerous articles for journals and magazines. His latest book, A Father's Book of Listening, is an insightful, relevant guide for the modern-day dad.

In Part 1 of our interview, Mark and I discussed emotional abuse, the impact of yelling at our kids and parental exhaustion/stress.

And now, Part 2...

Daddy Brain: Many of my readers are concerned with lack of time with kids & exhaustion. What are your thoughts on those subjects?

Mark Brady: This is a serious problem in modern life. Much more serious than people realize, particularly in the first three years of children's lives. I'll explain a bit about why that is below, but essentially the airline instruction for parents to put on their own oxygen mask first applies to parents on or off an airplane — both literally and figuratively! Oxygen is the fuel of brain function.

DB: What are the long-term effects of exhaustion on the brain?

MB: I find it VERY useful to think of the brain simply as an organ that processes energy and information, kind of like a computer. It's obviously much more, and much more complex than this, but this metaphor is useful, particularly in terms of understanding where the difficulties lay that parents encounter, and then empowering them to do something about them.

So, how do we know when our computer's malfunctioning and needs to be rebooted? Simple: we don't feel good. We're tired, emotionally upset or frightened in some way. A brain that's processing energy and information effectively across all its neural network, feels good in what I call the heart-brain-mind-body.

It's not that our kids are misbehaving, usually. It's that our brains can't adequately process the energy and information it's receiving in the moment. If this condition persists long enough, we can get seriously ill. Two books that explain how this happens in great detail are Gabor Mate's, When the Body Says No, and Bob Scaer's, The Body Bears the Burden.

DB: What kind of damage is caused to parents when our kids are yelling at us!

MB: Parents have much greater neural connectivity in their brains than most children do, and generally can effectively handle large bursts of "energy and information" that come from children.

But not always. I'm sure many of your readers may have experienced or witnessed kids yelling at their parents and getting a rapid, reactive slap in response — a perfect example of a parent's brain receiving more energy and information than it could handle, having their limbic system hijacked, and reacting impulsively.

In such a situation, it is the parents who have the work to do. Which is mostly the case whenever our limbic systems are hijacked — and this happens way more than many of us probably even realize. Here's a Web site that uses LeDoux's work to explain limbic hijacking briefly: timlebon.com/neuroscience. Google "limbic hijacking" for further explanation.

DB: Why have you chosen this niche to focus on? Why do you want to help kids and parents so badly?

MB: Much of the work in developmental neuroscience in recent years indicates that the period from five weeks in utero, through roughly age three when language is fully developed, is CRITICAL in human development. Things that happen during this period profoundly shape children's world views.

Here's what Bob Scaer, an MD who's an expert in the effects of trauma, has to say about it: "The cumulative experiences of 'life's little traumas' shape virtually every single aspect of existence. This accumulation of negative life experiences molds one's personality, choices of mate, profession, clothes, appetite, pet peeves, social behaviors, posture, and most specifically, our state of physical and mental health." 

Whether Scaer's correct or not, doesn't really matter. I've decided that if I can bring this awareness to parents — that what they do during the first three years REALLY matters, and not just for the first three years, but for all of their children's lives — perhaps greater "energy and information" can be devoted to making those years the absolute best they can be for kids AND parents. For more information, check out: zerotothree.org.

Stay tuned for Part 3, coming soon.

And remember, you are not alone...

You can find many of Mark's books, including this one, through Amazon.com, Paideia Press (414-828-6275, paideia@gmail.com), or many fine online book retailers.


When I dream, I DREAM. I can fly, I can speak in strange and wonderful languages, I  have superhuman powers, I can become young again, and I can predict the future.

I can serialize my dreams. If I find one I particularly enjoy, I can go to sleep and rejoin that life of my own making, right where I left off the night before.

I often wonder if people who are in comas, dream. Do they live on in another world, another dimension, as if their bodies are whole and well. Do they have other families, other loves, other children? Is that what keeps them in their state of suspended animation? That the new life they are in is the life they want to belong in, is one they want more than the one they left.

My dreams can be intensely real. I see colors more vividly, hear sounds more clearly, feel more deeply.

Some of my most disjointed dreams, ones that flick from scene to scene, are full of images that I know must mean something.  In these dream ~ fully conscious of the fact that I am in a dream ~ I try to interpret what the people, the messages, are saying to me.

I told about a dream I once had about Hubs, years before I met him. I've had another dream that was like that one. I believe I know what it meant, now it's just a waiting game to find out if I was right.

As in the dream about Hubs, I was only an observer. Again, I was in a black space, a spot light illuminating a large bed. In this bed were my family. My dad, my mom and my brother. My mom's parents were also there. Unlike the dream I had about my future husband, I had no VOICE to tell me what I saw, or what it meant.

In this bed, as I stood to one side, closest to me I saw my mother lying between her parents (who had both passed away only months eariler). They were holding her as if she were still a baby, and the three of them were not completely asleep. They were barely into that state of slumber where they could still be wakened easily.

Beside them lay my brother. Asleep more deeply than my mother, but with effort he could be roused.

At the far side, slept my father. Deep asleep, so deep that I could not waken him.

The message that I drew from this was that somehow I was being shown the order in which my family would die. What was unclear was whether my mother or father would be the first to leave this world. But that was not what I was brought there to see.

No, the knowledge that was given to me was that one of my parents would out live one of their children. I was also aware that the telling of this knowledge would not change the future. Is my purpose then to prepare my parents, somehow imparting to them to make the most of their lives, to make whatever peace they need to, so that the surviving one can go on? Or was it to tell me I had little time to make my own peace with my brother?

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

Until then...enjoy our wednesday in review!

They spent almost an hour sifting through the buttons and choosing their own personal treasures. I'm so glad that my daughter is over the "stick everything in your mouth" phase! Although I was surprised by how much my kids loved the buttons, I have to say that some of them were pretty cool. I can just see the  handbags I could make  with any of these cool buttons as a closure:

And there were several really neat novelty buttons. Here are my favorites:

By the time I'd finished poring over the buttons and exclaiming about my finds, I was having as much fun as my kids, and that says a lot:

I know that playing with buttons might not seem like a terribly sophisticated thing to do, and that's because it's NOT! But who cares? Not I! I really do believe that life's greatest pleasures are the simple ones, hence the name of this blog. Why not let your hair down today and have some fun doing something you would otherwise think of as silly or childish? In the process, I bet you'll have tons of fun and make priceless connections with your children.

 A friend of mine recently and most unfortunately fell on her butt and broke her back.  Well, not quite broken, but a fractured spine all the same.  Which brought into my peripheral a new addition to our extended wardrobe - the sexy back brace.

 And what a beautiful accessory it is.  Hospital grey, with a lovely stainless steel trim and a white fluffy stability band that goes round your middle.  It even come with it's own alan-key, which slots into a nifty little holder on above-mentioned fluffy waistband.  It really completes any outfit.

 I suggested that we should perhaps brighten it up a little.  Perhaps some sequins?  A little bit of neon spraypaint?  At least then, if she wonders onto a busy road in a drug- induced stupor, she'll be visible in fog. 

 This particular friend is rather bullish, and likes to embark on ambitious little outings despite her doctor's warning that she needs to stay at home and HEAL, for god's sake.  I may fit her sexy back brace with a tracking device which sets off an insufferable wailing alarm every time she leaves the vicinity of her house.  Kind of like house arrest.

 I've come up with a brilliant business initiative.  I think I may start marketing standard issue hospital back braces to over-zealous parents as a means of contraceptive.  Put your daughter in a back brace and she'll be safe from the amorous advances of any hormonal man.  Or woman.  The tracking device will let them keep tabs on their little darlings.  Brilliant.  (I should never have children)

 Perhaps I'll work in conjunction with a company like Malice Clothing to produce a custom back brace range.  They'll be black and alternative-looking, of course, with a hardcore skull detail.  Or a wonky spine print along the back stainless steel support.  That way the emo girls will feel a little better wearing them out to Gandalf's.  They can even tell all their friends that they broke their back during a certain type of rowdy physical activity, if you know what I mean.

 However, breaking your back is never fun.  It can put a damper on the most enjoyable of everyday activities.  Like picking an outfit.  In fact, you can really wear whatever you want, you can't really see it under all that back brace.  It's hard to appreciate the cut of a shirt if its squashed under all that steel.  Not to mention that the back brace makes undergarments absolutely redundant.  No bra's necessary, with all that squashing going on.  Shame.

 I can steal her things now - she can't chase me anymore.

The Didj is a handheld video game console that plays only Leapfrog games. While I haven't seen the games, they're supposedly designed to train players in skills such as math and literacy, and they're organized by age and skill category. Players can connect their Didj to a PC to customize the game to emphasize particular learning skills and proficiency levels. As they progress, the players earn points that allow them to download more game add-ons. Star Wars, Nancy Drew, Indiana Jones and Sponge Bob are included in the Didj game roster. One nice point is there appear to be as many games appealing to girls as boys.

An added benefit for parents is the new Learning Path (coming later in August), an online tool for parents to follow and become involved with their kids' Leapfrog activities. Once you sign up (free) and connect your Leapfrog products (it works with with several Leapfrog products) you can keep track of the skills your kids are learning, see what questions they answered correctly or incorrectly and print out additional worksheets. This strikes me as a very valuable tool to keep parents involved in both kids' leaning and play. If you (or your kids) get a chance to try it out, please let me know what you think.

Lol its boring.

But there was one time when 'things' happened. I got a 41/50 over an exam in Music. It was a yehey for me because I only got 9 mistakes. I usually tell my parents that but when I did, my Father said that the percentage of that is just 80+ and not 90+. But its false. Its actually a 90+ percentage. I got down and went to the comfort room to cry. I felt like dying to not review anymore. But I can't. Its just a little 'comment' right?. No. It actually hurts. I did my best and that's what they'll comment back? A kid to whom I know will feel the same. Its up to YOU to decide if I'm right or wrong.

They're so much confident with their kid that they don't know their weakness anymore. But hey, I'm fine. But everytime I think about it, it makes me wanna cry.

Ø  Look out of the window and enjoy the sight of a fresh day – add some accessories to your outfit that suit the weather; hat, sun glasses or an umbrella.

Ø  Look in the mirror and smile at yourself.

Ø  Brush your teeth and use a mouthwash.

Ø  Make your bed; at least put the pillow in its correct place.

Ø  Spare a glance at your room. If you feel that the things on your side table need to be adjusted, please spend a couple of minutes doing so.

Ø  Greet your parents with your best smile.

Ø  Have your breakfast without making a fuss.

Ø  Read the headlines in the newspaper, they make interesting discussion topics during the break-time.

Ø  Leave for school with a sweet note – wish your parents a good day and tell them that you really love them. 

The Friday Class article is published in Young Times.