Though I'm very fond of Whoopi and consider her to be an intelligent and thoughtful woman-I'm with Elizabeth on this one.

More importantly I want to convey to all single parents that words are the very essence of our lives. It is with words that we love, hate, build and tear down. Words can starts wars. Words establish nations. Some words carry great meaning, other powerful memories.

I still remember some of the words spoken to me by my parents more than many years ago. I'm sure that you do also. You probably remember other words spoken to you at a young age.

I often ask audiences why we call them "tongues of fire."  The potential of a flame is not unlike the potential of the tongue. It's taken me many years and many regretable words to come to know that the damage and the wounds of words is greater than sticks or stones.

So-if you can convey the same meaning without hurting anyone, intimidating anyone, or tearing down anyone-use those words.

In previous posts, I've spouted my Ugly Ass Opinion about the over-stimulation of our society due in part to shock journalism. I've explained our society's inward focus and preocupation with celebrities as a coping mechanism. Now that we know what's happening, how do we fix this mess?

#1 Look at your family. What are you talking about? I see them every day.  No, I mean LOOK AT YOUR FAMILY. Do you look at each other in the eyes when you speak? Give your full attention to the speaker without trying to interrupt? Do you smile at one another, use manners, or perform small courtesies just to be kind? Do you tell your kids and your spouse when they do something right?

Your family is the most important group of people in your life. They need your full attention. If you spend more time staring at a box then communicating with them, there's a problem. Start a conversation. Go for a walk together. Ask for advice. If it seems awkward, it's because we've become so accustomed to acting as roommates instead of as family members.

If you need some fresh ideas, or just don't know where to start, check out Kweenmama's Castle. She has a large, blended family with all the right moves.

 #2  Give your children everything they need, and some of what they want...not the other way around. We have a disturbing trend of parents trying to be best friends with their children. These 'parents' allow Junior to do whatever he pleases, follow his commands and buy him expensive trinkets simply because he wants them. His wants are paramount in the family and he rules it like a tyrant.

By the time Junior is 21, he presumes his wants should be paramount everywhere he goes. He becomes a selfish cliche' who uses credit card frenzy (or crime) to get what he wants. His parents 'buddies' have done him no favors.

Life makes people accountable. Teach your kids accountability while they're young. There will come a day when they're grown that you can be buddies. Until then, you are here to be their teacher...and THAT is an important responsibility. Don't screw it up.  

#3  Remember what your kindergarten teacher said. Be nice to other people. Say please and thank you. Let others go first. If you can't say anything nice, keep your yap shut. What comes out of our mouthes MATTERS. It matters because it affects other human beings. It matters because our children will repeat it. It matters because we hear ourselves speaking, and hateful words go right back into our brains.

So do kind ones.

 #4  Give respect to those who earn it. Forget the shiny celebrities with their airbrushed features and PR polished life stories. The grass isn't so green over there. Famous folks are no better --and no worse-- than the rest of us. Some famous folk have earned respect. Others, not-so-much. Teach your kids to look up to people who've done something worth looking up to, whether it's Nelson Mandela or the retired Shriner next door.

#5 Turn off the noise. A certain amount of over-stimulation is unavoidable. Sometimes you have to drive in heavy traffic, or listen to the Muzak playing at work while the phones ring off the hook. It's the self-imposed over-stimulation I'm talking about. THAT'S what we need to get rid of. A certain amount of quiet thinking is essential to this process. Drive to work without the radio playing for a change. Put away the Ipod. Put down the Wii controller and turn off the TV. You have 146 channels of garbage anyway. And oh yes...shut down the computer, too.

Human beings MUST have quiet. Give yourself an hour of silence every day for a week. (Sleeping doesn't count--you have to be conscious.) Stay up late or get up early if you have to. Tell the kids they can read, draw, do a puzzle or relax in a lawn chair but NO electronics. You'd be amazed at the difference it can make in your mood, and also the mood of your family.

Try it--you'll see.

I know this has been a long-winded post, even for me. Big messes take big cleanup, after all. I appreciate you taking the time to read this whole missive, and I believe if you incorporate an element or two you'll note a real difference in your life. 

We can fix this. One family at a time.

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This article is an original post from www.UglyAssOpinion.com© Kelly L. Trainor 2008 All Rights Reserved

A new study proves what we may have suspected all along; just having the TV on distracts kids. You knew that already just as you noticed your own level of concentration increases when the TV is off.

A recent study reported in the journal Child Development suggested that parents who leave the television on all day are stunting the development of their infants. It goes on to say that even when babies appeared to pay no attention to adult programs, they spent less time focused on toys compared with when the program was turned off.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under two should watch no television and older children should be limited to no more than two hours a day.

''Parents should limit their young children's exposure to background television,'' said Marie Evans Schmidt, who carried out the research at the University of Massachusetts. She said TV was a potentially ''chronic environmental risk factor'' affecting most children.

Many studies have indicated that excessive TV in the early years of life can stunt language skills and contribute to behavioral problems.

The message is loud and clear. Expand the same limits to all forms of media and you will have a child with time to think, dream and play.

NOW.......towards the ending part where the poor baby cut his tongue off, Claudia facial expression has changed. She screamed and cried so hard. I was shocked cause I was busy cutting her toe nails. When I look up, she is asking me to stop it and looking for comfort from me.

How would I know with the title of "Happy Tree", such a cute tune and cute cartoon can turn out to be so violent.

]]> http://raisingmustardseeds.wordpress.com/?p=250 Sat, 19 Jul 2008 20:35:30 +0000 raisingmustardseeds http://raisingmustardseeds.wordpress.com/?p=250 Read Part 1 of Roste's birth story here

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Are you having contractions right now??

MS dad had woken up when I was in the middle of a strong contraction. I'd gotten up after about an hour of lying down, and was sitting on my rocking chair. I was feeling quite uncomfortable and my breathing had been getting louder with each subsequent contraction.

He was surprised when I replied in the affirmative and asked how often they were.

"Oh, every 10 minutes or less", I replied as nonchalantly as I could. I didn't really want to set him up to be disappointed if nothing was going to happen for the next day or so.

He went back to sleep and I puttered downstairs so I wouldn't wake him up with my loud breathing. Yes, I'm so considerate, haha.

I stood in my living room in the dark, swaying side to side when the contractions came, wondering why they were so strong so quickly. I hardly noticed my oldest when she came downstairs for a drink. I made my way down to the basement to go online to double check on when I was supposed to call my midwife. Yes, I knew it would be when the contractions were 5-minutes apart, but for how long. My brain was fuzzy. Add to that, the slight complication of my testing positive for Group B strep (a type of bacteria that is sometimes present "down there"), which meant that we needed at least 4 hours BEFORE the birth of the baby to get a course of IV antibioitics into my system. So trying to figure out when to call the midwife was a little trickier this time.

After surfing the net, I blogged, all the while keeping an eye on the time at the corner of my computer screen. I noticed some contractions were coming at 5 minutes intervals. Wierd, very wierd. Too fast, this was progressing a little too fast. It was just before 3am when I shut down the computer and decided it would be a good idea to bring the linens I'd washed & packed for the birth up to my room. But I had trouble just trying to walk upright without having to lug a big garbage bag up the stairs. I walked up the 4 flights of stairs, sans garbage bag, my contractions slowing my steps.

I turned on my room lights and woke MS dad up.
"I think I've got to call Wendy (my midwife)."

"HUH? What? Already?"

"Yup, get up, we need to get the stuff on the bed." (shower curtains to protect the bed & the clean sheets & pillow cases)

MS dad lumbered out of bed, looking quite disoriented. I hopped hobbled into the shower, debating to myself whether to call Wendy. MS dad took what I thought an interminable time brushing his teeth and getting changed, while I paged Wendy. When she called back 5 minutes later at 3:30am, I apologized profusely for waking her up. I told her what had been happening, and because of the GBS, she said that she'd head over to check me out. We (including Wendy who attended my last homebirth) still figured we'd have about 5 hours or so before the baby arrived.

I barked told MS dad where to get the linens and pillows, and started to strip down our bed, stopping every few minutes as another contraction hit. It seemed to take forever for us to get the bed ready - it didn't help that I hadn't assembled all the stuff required. Things were all over the place, and I had to tell MS dad to go here and there to get different supplies.

I was still putting the top sheet on when MS dad went downstairs to let Wendy in. She'd taken a while because she was pumping milk for her own baby, and then had stopped at Tim Horton's for a coffee to go. When I saw her, I jokingly told her not to take a swig before she checked me. For all we knew, she might be heading home if I wasn't far enough along. It was now just after 4am. She informed me that she would get me checked out and then hook up the IV antibiotics. I finished making my bed and struggled to get on. By now, my contractions seemed like they were right on top of each other. Wendy told me that she'd check me once I was done with a contraction. After a few had passed, I told her to just check me, because they weren't going away completely.

So she went ahead and was slightly taken aback that I was already at 7cm.
"OK, you're already at 7cm. We're not going to get the 4 hours for the antibiotics. So I think I'll just go ahead and set up for the birth." She was so calm about the whole thing.

"Uh, what? No antibiotics?"

To be continued....

We will however keep on with the stuff which matters. We will continue to write about Parenting, and what it means to us. Changes although slight will include

• Daily posts by your favourite blogger
• Video interviews and audio
• More spiritual stuff, and advice
• More truth, more advice and less bullshit
• A few stories and advice from readers
• Question and answer posts for readers

And more, if you have any ideas leave them in the comments. bye

Sunday

• Lovely stomach flu
• Laid up in bed all day long

Monday

• Tired from stomach flu, but felt much better
• Did a little laundry, crocheted a little
• Played with the kids
• Watered my garden
• Made salad for dinner and my stomach didn't explode from all the ruffage - BIG plus!

Tuesday

• Cleaned the house half-heartedly
• worked on the computer learning to use my PSP for all sorts of really cool things

Wednesday

• Church night
• boring stuff all day
• I did work on the VBS Registration sheets and they turned out good

Thursday

• watered the garden for awhile as the kids played in the yard
• talked to Mom on the phone
• crocheted, cleaned and did more laundry

Friday

• Our most expensive day and our most exciting by far
• Helped the kids build castles with couch and chair cushions - very interesting configurations
• Went to the ER after my son didn't believe me when I said that my flatiron was still hot and had to touch it and then subsequently burned his left 3 middle fingers.  He's fine and he received his badge of honor which he proudly displayed so that I could take a picture.

Saturday

• Finishing my crochet swap Christmas ornaments so that I can mail them out on Monday.
• Hopefully getting my hair cut so I don't look like a mop head for next weekend.  I want to make a decent, if not good, impression at the church in GA.
• Watching Gilmore Girls Season 2.  I can't get enough of watching that show! LOVE it!
• Had a recent update: One of Benjamin's blisters popped, so he screamed for a few minutes.  I put Neosporin on it and wrapped it with a kleenex.  All better now.

Its not that the yard didn't need mowing, and I certainly didn't want to do it. I've got a shower to work on.

Now I'm a little frustrated. Here I had a young boy, who wanted to work, at my door step. I certainly don't want to discourage some one, especially a kid, who wants to work from actually working. But what I don't need is something happening to the boy, and then getting sued by his parents. Am I being a too paranoid about such things?

When I was growing up, I had my ass worked off by people who were willing to let me do manual labor for them. I mowed grass, picked apples, cleaned out fence rows, barns, gutters, you name it. And I'm a better person because they took the time to work me into the ground.

Maybe next time, I'll ask the boy for his parents phone number and we'll have a conversation about it first.

God knows we need more kids in this world who know the value of hard work.

It's official. WE ARE MAD. But then, you knew that already.

It's going pretty well, surprisingly. On the first day, he pee'd and poo'd on the potty. Hip hip hooray.

We've had a few accidents here and there, but overall, he's doing pretty well.

Baby and the not-the-baby-anymore Baby

ANYHOW, let's see if I can get her birth story down while I have 2 hands free. The baby is sleeping contentedly on her sisters' tummies while they read on the sofa.

I began the week, resigning myself to the possibility that this baby was going to stay in till its due date (July 18). This because the other 4 had all come at least a week earlier than they were due.

I'm glad I had a little extra time though, because in the last few weeks I had been feeling very anxious about the impending birth. My mind was playing games with me and I was allowing silly thoughts to go unchecked. It got so bad that I actually came very close to hyperventilating during one of my more intense braxton hicks a couple of weeks ago. Sad huh?! Anyway, after a pep talk with a good friend (who just had her 6th baby 3 weeks ago), and a reminder from her to bring everything to God and get my husband & children to pray specifically for me, I began earnestly seeking the Lord for peace and mercy during labour.

On monday, when Mustard Seed Dad came back from work, his first question to me was "So, ANYthing?? My colleagues are all asking." "Nope, nothing, nada, zilcho" was the reply. A few minutes after I said that, I went to the washroom to find that I had the beginning signs of losing my mucous plug. Now, this traditionally has been my first sign of labour starting within a day or 2. So, I got a teeny bit excited. ALRIGHTY! Time to get the show on the road. I calmly told MS dad that my labour could start in the next day or so.

After dinner that evening, MS dad took the kids out for some exercise, and he jokingly said, don't have the baby by yourself now. Yah, right. But as I sat down to relish the quietness, I was keenly aware of the contractions that were occurring at a steady clip - this was a new experience. Usually after the bloody show, I get only intermittent contractions.

As we prepared to go to bed at around midnight, my contractions were getting stronger. Still, I figured we had a couple of days. As I lay awake, looking at the clock every time I had a contraction, I was surprised to see that they were coming regularly at about 10 minutes apart. I now prepared myself for a sleepless night of 10 minute contractions, PLUS possibly another full day of 10-minute pains. All because of my labour with #3 when I had 2 days, yes count them 2 full days of every-10-minute contractions.

To be continued...

1. What is your favorite thing to do alone? Hmmm that's a tough call - I love to go grocery shopping alone - so much so that I did it twice this weekend - it was so good, all the cashiers thought I was some awesome single woman, and all the kids crying and whining in the aisles were so not my own children. I was loving it like crazy. I don't know if it's my favorite thing to do alone, but it is pretty freaking incredible.

2. What is your favorite thing to do with your best friend? Get drunk Have a root beer or cherry coke and talk in a Russian accent while playing fun games like "Wise or Otherwise" (which I call "Wise or NotsoWise" always except for ten words ago) or Apples to Apples.

3. What is your favorite band? Man I'm just not much of a "band" person - I really do prefer solo artists, I guess I'll have to say the Barenaked Ladies or else the Beatles, because I honestly can't think of many other bands that I listen to very often these days. I can tell you that about 10 years ago I would have said The Backstreet Boys (noticing a B trend... hmmm...) without so much as flinching. Those were the days...

4. What is your favorite song? That's like asking me my favorite color - I'm not big on decision making - lately I've been digging this song Jason Castro sang in Idol that I later learned was in the movie Shrek (and I'm wondering if Jason knows this and / or if that's where he first heard it) anyway it's that song that goes, "Love is not a victory march ; It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah ; Hallelujah; Hallelujah ; Hallelujah; Hallelujah..." and yeah I totally looked up the lyrics online to write this, so I know now that the song is called 'Hallelujah' and it's by Jeff Buckley and I'm pretty sure he probably said so on Idol but you never know. Anyway, it's beautiful - even listening to it on Shrek made me almost cry, and Jason Castro did a way way way way way better job. Hallalujah.

5. What is your favorite part of your job? My job title - Stay at Home Mother - it pretty much rocks - I mean sure, there's no 401K or vacation time, but I set my own hours (sort of) and spend my days playing with mega bloks and making peanut butter and jelly. I can't really complain (much).

6. What is your favorite TV show, on now? Total toss up between Grey's Anatomy and Bones - but if you read this blog at all regularly, you probably knew that.

7. What is your favorite TV show all time? Oh so hard to say - it's more like an on going list, add to the two shows from question 6: Gilmore Girls, Dawsons Creek, Alias and Buffy the Vampire Slayer - and maybe the Dick Van Dyke Show and Veronica Mars

8. Who is your favorite actor? What is it with you surveys and making me choose things... ummm... well, Johnny Depp - seriously, he's amazing. There are other dreamy actors that come and go but I don't think many are half as talented as J. Depp - and he's dreamy to boot - total package.

9. What is your favorite film? Gone With the Wind - finally a question I didn't even flinch answering. I could go on and swoon about how amazing the movie and book are, and how they are like the story of my life but not even close and on and on and yammering and so forth, but I won't. Because I've answered your nine questions and I'm done. I'm going to bed. Thank you and good night.

If you want to join in on the Saturday 9 fun and haven't figured out already to just click one of the links or buttons that say "Saturday 9" on them - then you are in luck! Because I am now going to tell you to click on a link or button that says "Saturday 9" on it. Ready? Click on a link or button that says "Saturday 9" and you can join in on the Saturday 9 fun today! Be sure to add your Saturday 9 blog address link to the Mr. Linkies at the Saturday 9 blog, and you know, have fun. And all that. Bye!

ps: Saturday 9 - muahahahahahahahah - I crack myself up - okay, I'm really going now. Bye.

Varicella (Chicken Pox):

•  CP is not a serious disease.  Serious side affects mostly occur in individuals with weakened immune systems, teens, and adults.
• Does not provide lifetime immunity
• Shingles, which was previously only seen in older adults, is now being seen in young children.  
• Pushes CP into adulthood where is is really serious.
• Ingredients include: human embryonic lung cell cultures, embryonic guinea pig cell cultures, human diploid cell cultures from aborted human fetus, monosodium glutamate (MSG)

HIB (helps prevent certain types of bacterial meningitis):

• HIB is a bacterial infection with symptoms that resemble a common cold.  Most often it is never diagnosed because of the symptoms.  In very rare instances, HIB can cause meningitis.  Most of us have HIB living in our nose and mouth with no symptoms.  It is a natural bacteria that keeps our immune system in check.
• This vaccine prevents against only type-B HIB.  Because bacteria in the body balance each other out, when one type is eliminated then the other types are allowed to thrive.  They no longer have the ability to keep each other in check.  By giving this vaccine you are opening the body to be more susceptible to the other forms of HIB which can also cause meningitis for which there is no vaccine.
• If your child is breastfed and not in daycare their risk of serious complications are very small.  Serious HIB infections are very rare beyond the age of 2 and almost unheard of beyond the age of 5.
• Ingredients include: ammonium sulfate, formalin, and sucrose

Prevnar:

• Contains aluminum
• Ingredients include: aluminum phosphate, ammonium sulfate (registered as a pesticide), soy protein, yeast
• same as HIB; helps prevent against certain strains of bacterial infections that most commonly present themselves as colds and ear infections and occasionally as pneumonia.

IPV (Polio):

• Ingredients include: formaldehyde, and 2-phenoxyethenol (an alternative to thimersal classified as "very toxic"), monkey kidney cells
• If/When we every go abroad, we will get this vaccine, but not before we go.

DTaP

• Contains aluminum
• Ingredients include formaldehyde, Glutaraldehyde (suspected as a respiratory, reproductive, developmental, immuno and skin/sense organ toxin on at least 1 federal regulatory list), 2-phenoxyethanol, aluminum phosphate, etc.
• Pertussis (whooping cough) is only serious for tiny babies who don't have a strong immune system.  Emma is now almost 2.  Consider it a risk I took and passed.
• You can receive a tetanus antibody if you have an open wound that will kill or at least suppress any tetanus toxin.  
• There has only been 5 cases of Diphtheria in the U.S. since 2000.  If/when we travel abroad we may consider this vaccine.  Only if they remove the mercury and aluminum from the two versions.  DT without the pertussis contains mercury.

MMR (measles, mumps, rubella)

• These disease are no more serious than the chicken pox.  For that reason alone we will not get them.  
• When Emma gets a little older we will have her immunity checked for Rubella as it can be dangerous during child bearing years.  If she is not immune then we will have only the rubella part.
• Ingredients include: Sorbitol, Sodium Phosphate, Human Albumin, Fetal bovine serum, neomycin (antibiotic), chicken embryo cell culture, human diploid WI-38 cell culture.

As far as the other vaccinations such as Hep-B, the last I checked Emma wasn't having sex and using dirty needles so I think we're good on that one.  But to satisfy those of you who are looking for more information.  Here is a list of ingredients:

Hep-B:

• Ingredients include: Thimerosal, Aluminum Hydroxide, Disodium phosphate, sodium dihydrogen phosphate, yeast protein.

Flu:

• There are several different brands with different ingredients, but they all contain thimerosal

I know that a lot of people disagree with my views on this very touchy subject and you are entitled to that.  I try every day to protect my children from things that are harmful to them.  Ingredients such as mercury and aluminum are known to be unsafe, yet they are still allowed in vaccines.  I cannot possibly give those to my child knowing the kinds of problems they can cause.

I am not anti-vaccine.  I'm "fix our vaccines".

Here Are Some of the Reasons Why Reading Is So Important for Children

Why Do We Tell Children to Read ?

We're always telling children that books and reading are good for them, but have we ever really thought about why that's true ? Exactly what do older children get out of reading novels ? What do younger kids get from reading children's stories and being read to ? Does reading matter ?

The purpose of this article is to say that, yes, it's true, reading really is important, and that there are some solid reasons why that is so. Let's begin with the practical benefits and then move on to the less tangible rewards of a life filled with reading.

Books Help Children Develop Vital Language Skills

Reading is an important skill that needs to be developed in children. Not only is it necessary for survival in the world of schools and (later on) universities, but in adult life as well. The ability to learn about new subjects and find helpful information on anything from health problems and consumer protection to more academic research into science or the arts depends on the ability to read.

Futurologists used to predict the death of the printed word but, ironically, Internet has made reading more and more a part of people's daily lives. The paperless society is a myth. The computer's ability to process and analyze data means that endless variations on reports and other types of documents can be and are generated. Internet, itself an enormous new source of information and recreation, is based on the humble written word. To effectively utilize the web and judge the authenticity and value of what is found there, both reading and critical thinking skills are of prime importance.

The more children read, the better they become at reading. It's as simple as that. The more enjoyable the things they read are, the more they'll stick with them and develop the reading skills that they'll need for full access to information in their adult lives. Reading should be viewed as a pleasurable activity - as a source of entertaining tales and useful and interesting factual information.

The more young children read stories and are read to, the greater their interest in mastering reading. Reading out loud exposes children to proper grammar and phrasing. It enhances the development of their spoken language skills, their ability to express themselves verbally.

Reading, by way of books, children's stories, magazines or websites, exposes kids to new vocabulary. Even when they don't understand every new word, they absorb something from the context that may deepen their understanding of it the next time the word is encountered. When parents read aloud to children, the children also hear correct pronunciation as they see the words on the page, even if they can't yet read the words on their own.

Reading Can Open Up New Worlds and Enrich Children's Lives

As mentioned above, reading opens doors - doors to factual information about any subject on earth, practical or theoretical. Given the wealth of available resources such as Internet, libraries, schools and bookstores, if children can read well and if they see reading as a source of information, then for the rest of their lives they will have access to all of the accumulated knowledge of mankind, access to all of the great minds and ideas of the past and present. It truly is magic !

Through books and stories, children can also learn about people and places from other parts of the world, improving their understanding of and concern for all of humanity. This, in turn, contributes towards our sense that we truly live in a "global village" and may help us bring about a more peaceful future for everyone. This can happen through nonfiction but, perhaps even more importantly, reading stories that are set in other places and time periods can give children a deeper understanding of others through identification with individual characters and their plights.

Through stories and novels children can vicariously try out new experiences and test new ideas, with no negative consequences in their real lives. They can meet characters who they'll enjoy returning to for comforting and satisfying visits when they reread a cherished book or discover a sequel. Books also give kids the opportunity to flex their critical thinking skills in such areas as problem solving, the concepts of cause and effect, conflict resolution, and acceptance of responsibility for one's actions. Mysteries allow children to follow clues to their logical conclusions and to try to outguess the author. Even for very young children, a simple story with a repetitive refrain or a simple mystery to solve gives a confidence boost. Children can predict the patterns and successfully solve the riddles.

Children are influenced by and imitate the world around them. While a steady diet of violent cartoons may have a detrimental effect on children's development, carefully chosen stories and books can have a positive influence on children, sensitizing them to the needs of others. For example, books can encourage children to be more cooperative, to share with others, to be kind to animals, or to respect the natural environment.

Reading Can Enhance Children's Social Skills

Although reading is thought of as the quintessential solitary activity, in certain circumstances reading can be a socializing activity. For example, a parent or grandparent reading a story aloud, whether from a traditional printed book or from an ebook, can be a great opportunity for adult and child to share some quiet, relaxed quality time together away from the rush and stresses of the business of daily living. They share a few minutes of precious time, plus they share the ideas that are contained in the story. In addition, older children can be encouraged to read aloud to younger ones as a means of enhancing their relationship.

At school or at a library story hour, books can bring children together and can be part of a positive shared experience. For some preschoolers this may be their primary opportunity to socialize and to learn how to behave around other children or how to sit quietly for a group activity. Make the most of this experience by encouraging children to talk about what they've read or heard.

Reading Can Improve Hand-Eye Coordination

It may sound funny, but ebooks can be a way for children to improve their fine motor skills and their hand-eye coordination, as they click around a childfriendly website or click the backward and forward buttons of online story pages. They may also be picking up valuable computer skills that they'll need in school and later in life.

Reading Can Provide Children with Plenty of Good, Clean Fun

I've saved the most important point for last. Reading can provide children with endless hours of fun and entertainment. All of the pragmatic reasons above aren't at all necessary to justify reading's place in children's lives. Stories can free up imaginations and open up exciting new worlds of fantasy or reality. They allow children to dream and may give them a good start on the road to viewing reading as a lifelong source of pleasure; so read to your young children every day.

Inspire your older children to read. Give them access to plenty of reading material that they'll enjoy and discuss it with them. Sample everything - traditional printed books and ebooks on Internet, classic children's novels and fairy tales, as well as more modern stories.

If a child wants to hear the same story over and over again, don't worry about it. Children take comfort from the familiarity and predictability of a beloved story that they know by heart. There's no harm in that. Reread old favorites and, at the same time, introduce your children to new stories. Your child's mind and heart have room for both.

So Reading Really Does Matter After All

There are so many ways in which reading continues to be both a vital skill for children to master, and an important source of knowledge and pleasure that can last a lifetime. Nurture it in your children. Make the most of all the resources that are available and waiting for you: printed books, online stories, magazines and so forth. Encourage follow-up activities involving creative writing skills and the arts, as well, so that your children can reflect upon or expand on what they've absorbed and, at the same time, develop their own creativity. As you help your kids appreciate the magic of reading, you'll find that there's a whole wonderful world full of children's literature out there that YOU can enjoy too.

About The Author Barbara Freedman-De Vito © 2005 Barbara Freedman-De Vito, children's librarian, teacher, professional storyteller, and artist, writes and illustrates animated children's stories which are available at http://www.babybirdproductions.com which also has free games and educational activities for children, teachers and parents. Clothing and gift items decorated with artwork from the stories are also available. mail@babybirdproductions.com

Now, at age forty, with the halcyon days of young motherhood behind them and without professions to define them, Amy, Jill, Roberta, and Karen face a life that is not what they were brought up to expect but seems to be the one they have chosen.

But when Amy gets to know a charismatic and successful working mother of three who appears to have fulfilled the classic women's dream of having it all-work, love, family-without having to give anything up, a lifetime's worth of concerns, both practical and existential, opens up. As Amy's obsession with this woman's bustling life grows, it forces the four friends to confront the choices they've made in opting out of their careers-until a series of startling events shatters the peace and, for some of them, changes the landscape entirely.

Post a comment if you plan to read the book and you will be invited to a special webcast to discuss it in September. I look forward to your thoughts!

How do teens feel about sex? Well, according to a Teen Pregnancy article at Teen Help : 67 percent of teens who have had sex wish that they had waited (60 percent of boys and 77 percent of girls).

It's up to parents to educate teens about the benefits of birth control and the statistics about how teens feel about sex. According to the article mentioned above - a majority of teens don't think it should be embarrassing to be a virgin, they should wait until after high school to have sex, and the majority that have had sex wish they would have waited.

There are many sites parents can use to gather information about teen pregnancy. These include:

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_ATSRH.html which includes statistics from a study in 2006.

www.pregnantteenhelp.org

Did you know that: Most young people have sex for the first time at about age 17, but do not marry until their middle or late 20s. This means that young adults are at risk of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) for nearly a decade.

Teen pregnancy is very preventable - we need to educate our teens about the dangers and complications of getting pregnant at too young of an age.  There is some great information on WebMD about the dangers and how it affects teens.

If you suspect your teen is sexually active - it might be a good idea to take them to your family doctor to discuss birth control options. It might help to have a third party do most of the talking. They may have literature about the different forms and samples. Most towns have clinics where parents or teens can go to obtain the same info. 

Different forms of birth control include: IUD, the pill, implants, condoms, and others.  Of course, these don't all protect against STDs. That's a whole different discussion for your teen. You should ask your local doctor or clinic for materials on this as well.  We'll get into STDs and teens in another article.

Please educate yourself about the problem so you can educate your teen. The stats are alarming, but it is one of the most preventable issues.

Thanks and good luck!

"Do I stay home with my baby OR do I continue to work in my field and put the care of my child into the hands of another?"

I chose to stay home, despite the financial hardships. Believe me, it wasn't just hardship, it was devastation at one point. But we didn't starve or find ourselves homeless. It wasn't easy for awhile, but it felt right for me to be home with my daughter. I never regretted or questioned that decision.

More and more moms are leaving corporate America to be home with their babies and that's exciting, I think. For awhile, I was a bit worried about us. It seemed like the norm was to return to work after 6-12 weeks postpartum. I think each woman has the right to figure it out for themselves and at the same time I want to say what needs to be said in favor of staying home.

First of all, yes, I do get bored and go stir crazy at times. What do I do all day, you ask? Well, that's why I just love Naomi Stadlen, author of What Mothers Do: Especially When it Looks Like Nothing. She really points out the bizarre circumstance stay-at-home-moms find themselves in...

We might spend some time pre-treating a spot on a shirt, then move on to nursing for a bit, then it's trying to get some breakfast by gulping our granola down before the baby wants to nurse again or needs to be changed or the toddler hasn't made too much of a mess with his spot paints...

Then, "ring" - the phone rings, it's my friend who works at the university. "Hey, what are you doing?" she asks casually. My mind races but attaches to nothing. "Uh, nothing" I say. But I have done things!! We give ourselves no credit. Our culture has decided that being physically and emotionally available to our children - the most precious and amazing beings we know - isn't worthy of our time or energy. AND it has decided that there is someone else more qualified than us to do this job.

Sometimes I feel like all stay at home moms are artists! Have you seen these amazing moms out there? They paint, write, collage, stencil, and create magic for their little ones? From their blogs, you would think it was all day long - just another amazing mom - a blend of Mary Poppins and Martha Stuart. It can definitely be intimidating to those of us who merely own a glue stick and some markers.

Oh, yeah, I was trying to convince you to stay home and why it's so wonderful. Hmmm. You know, it's just something you want to do or you don't want to do. I think those of us who stay home develop a love/hate relationship with our "work" - probably just like moms who work outside the home. I do believe that it would be easier on me to get up and go to work - the structure and the compartmentalizing my life would be better for me. But I have a core belief in staying home, so it is me.

To those moms on the fence, you don't have to know what you're doing and you don't have to "accomplish" something each day in order to be doing something that is worthy of your time and energy. You're nurturing another human being - really what could be more worthy of your time? If you can be present for it, do it. You will learn amazing things about yourself, about who you really are, and your connection with your children will be strong.

Being home is not a sacrifice for me. It's how I feel like an involved, complete, grounded parent. Not everyone is like me. We are so fortunate that we can choose.

Since her birth, her typical clothing would be socks, mittens, the bundling cloth, cap and the napkin that would always lie beside her and I used to insanely, forcibly, hysterically INSIST that ALL her clothes be matched. I would try reasoning with them asking them if they wore a red blouse over a blue sari.. of course they would try to tell me, that the baby is too small. "so? poor little thing.. just because she cant revolt and stand up for herself , how can they be so brutal to my doll who deserves to be in ALL matching clothing...especially cause she is a girl" i would retaliate as politely as i could.

My mom would often chide me saying, "you are over doing it so much, just watch, she will never apply even the lightest shade of lipstick. " Now, doesn't that sound like a curse?? ha ha.. no seriously, all i was trying to do was to dress up my baby girl .. i understood that it was too much effort for them, so i'd make sets of clothing for the times when i wasn't around pleading to them that they please please please don't dress her up in a lavender cap, yellow socks, and red pant.. after all, she wasn't related to Govinda , the film actor in any way right?

So, anyway, that was then, and since i have moved here, i have always taken care of the same and recently, with the growth of her hair, there was an additional excitement of doing up her hair, in matching colors of course :) Most of the times, i get out of the house looking absolutely undone, cause i have had no time after all that dressing up for her.. and of course, i dont mind that coz i am very good with make up in a moving car. I have had plenty of experience applying even my eye liner in a rickshaw driving on the dented roads of bombay , whilst looking in the rickshaw guy's mirror.. hahaha.. so.. make up ( which rgt now basically consists only of eye liner and lip gloss) in a car with my own mirror is pure luxury.

I think one night all the women i argued with earlier on about matching her clothes came in her dream and made some sort of a deal. We went for dinner one night, and it seemed like she was representing them and taking revenge on their behalf. I dressed her in a smart red short mini skirt, red socks, matching top, a gorgeous hair band and was happy with my kunju doll... except that when i got her to the door step, she threw a huge fit . ... it was like she was giving me a tamacha ( slap ) on my face .. how can a little angelic child of mine be hitting me? here's how..

This was really like hitting below the belt.... she threw a huge fit insisting that she'd wear nothing else but the pair of sporty blue color floaters..( pls dont tell me you didn't notice ) hello?? BLUE???on a red mini skirt?? and FLoaters???and it was a little big too ....now how was i to introduce fashion to my tiny tot... all my efforts of cajoling her went down the drain.. all my over the top expressions trying to make the matching sandals look interesting for her was vain, every gimmick was tried, every other shoe presented in the hope that she would let go of those big sized , BLUE floaters. But where was she about to listen.. the maids and my mom seemed to really have made a great deal with her... and she really loved them all, so she wasn't about to give up.. i was definitely not about to extend this drama enough for her to throw a tantrum and THEN eventually have her way, and since i knew i didn't have much choice, we quietly went to dine with those same mismatched blue floaters of hers. Boy!! was she happy or was she happy!!

All through the dinner i kept smiling at myself looking at how oblivious she was , but HOW happy she was with her foot wear.. it was hilarious... i could get flashes of images of my maids and my mom standing in true indian style with their index finger pointedly waiving at me , the other hand on their wide hips, smirking, sniggering, and happily telling me," dekha!! serves you right !!" hahah... i couldnt stop laughing all though the dinner.. bridge was more than happy that his baby was taking her calls... and had grown up now :)

I mean, i was happy too... i am all for kunju selecting her own clothes, accessories etc and i ask her every evening before she goes down about which dress she'd like to wear, asking her which color tree she wants me to paint, which plate she wants to eat in.. which song she wants to listen to.. which color paper she wants to draw on.. if she wanted to sit on the sofa or sit on the floor... believing deeply that i am letting my child take her own calls, her own decisions, her life will be set if she can think and stand up for herself... but i never realized that there will be times when she will make some different choices too.. apart from the conventional ones.. it could be right or wrong, or simply the ones that might be unexpected... but perfect from her perspective.. that's it then.... and it will interesting for us, as long as she is not harming anyone, we will stand by her , no matter what. THIS was certainly one of those..hahaha....

The funniest part is, my gut feeling tells me, when she grows up and sees this picture she will laugh at me saying i never knew to dress her up..she might blame me funnily , " amma, couldnt you have dressed me something matching??? i look quite a MISS match here !!" hahahaa.. i really hope i remember to tell her the story.. and this post will hopefully help me remember it then. And she better be owning up to all her decisions and be standing by them when she grows up too.. we will be around when she needs us, we will be around watching over silently, waiting for her to grow up and realize for herself about some wrongs and rights in life.. and how sometimes, there's just NO right or wrong, it's only about being yourself, being happy in whichever way one wants.. just the way she was, on that blue floater day :) Here are some more pics of the masti she was upto that night ...

thrilled about crossing the rounded bridge and other parallel tracks on her own.. you will see the bridge later in the catty pose..

happy to be sitting in a huge cycle stationed outside the restaurant... of course admiring her blue floaters.. ha ha!!

she suddenly decided she was catty and was meowwing around in the party section ( thankfully empty that night ) of the restaurant.

The status of the big blue floaters is that its hidden until its ready to fit her properly.. being mismatched is perfectly fine.. falling and tripping over things and risking injuries due to wrong shoe size is absolutely unbearable.

Well, got through Thurs. It was ok. But I’d had the visit to look forward to. Friday. It was a nice visit. Funny how during I didn’t really feel much in the way of sexual tension during the visit; though my daydreaming mind went a little wild afterward. We had lots to talk about though, and it was just a pleasure to be with him. He’s really easy to talk to. It’s surprising to me, the amount of time I’m feeling bolstered by the prospect that he may be attracted to me, too. It’s like a wind at my back, or an upwelling of elation and it’s a bit troubling to consider that it may be completely illusory. I guess that puts me back to my dilemma about this whole attraction. It’s circular. It does give me pleasure to have that circulating in the back of my mind; there is a way that it seems to slip in involuntarily, though. This is how it goes. I find that I’m feeling kind of elated; realize it’s related to some background thoughts; a memory of conversation with him, or a fantasized conversation where it’s clear our attraction is mutual. Then I feel the need to bring in the bit of possible reality that it is all one-sided. That sobers me a bit. Then after a while I’m overtaken again by the images and fantasy thoughts of him.

I suppose this is what they mean when “they”, in talking about 4’s, or Romantics, say that 4’s can get a little too far into their dream worlds. And that it can get over-indulgent. Or worse, over-self-indulgent.

10/19/05

So I stopped over Monday. He seemed glad to see me; invited me in for coffee. I was there a little over an hour, and it felt good to be there and talk to him. I’m pretty sure this is how it could continue—friends enjoying each other’s company. (The Greek chorus in the background, intoning: “you’re making this all up and getting carried away with it…you’re probably too old to even be thought of as sexually appealing and he’d be embarrassed if he knew about the thought I’ve given to him vs. the thought he’s given to me…)

I do feel strongly bolstered, though…at the prospect of seeing him again, at the comfort we have in conversation, at the thought that possibly he does harbor some sexual interest in me as well. I guess that feeling is suspect and could very well be the fabrications of a middle-aged woman who is finally acknowledging the fading of her youth.

A while later:

I went for a walk just before going to pick Scott up. I reflected as I was returning home that of all the regrets I have over this past year it’s that I’ve not been a good mother to my kids. I guess I was having a conversation in my mind with a volunteer nazi at the school (Connor's) and I was making a defense for myself taking a pass on actively volunteering. I’m pretty determined that I’m not going to do that until I feel I’ve had a rest from this past year. I was “saying” that in my mind to this woman. I was listing for her what I’ve gone through this past year with 2 moves, as well as being in limbo for a year and dancing on a tight-rope wire of not knowing if we should try to move again or not…and having builders in our lives since March or April and being in the limbo that their schedules involve…as well as being largely a single parent as far as support went at a trying time in the boys’ particular juxtaposition of ages, and that’s not even mentioning the wound caused by leaving a home I’d settled into in St. Louis and was all Scott had ever known, as well as moving in close proximity with Gary’s mom…that maybe SHE (this volunteer-pressure putter-oner) could easily recover from these things but for whatever reasons I cannot, without a sense of time behind me. And right now we’re going into the holidays again, and we’re still in the middle of a construction zone so it’s not settled down yet.

I had an image of the last month we were in St. Louis last year and I cringe when I think of how often the demands of that kept me from being able to be there for my kids. If I felt angry with them or impatient with them it was largely because something they wanted was in direct conflict with some move-related-demand I was trying to meet. There were times I felt torn in anguish about the mis-match of what I desired to give them and the reality of what I WAS giving them. As I was mulling over these things and their tangents, as part of my apologia to HER, it occurred to me that every time I felt torn because of a realization of what I was depriving the kids of, it was like a blow that took blood. I hadn’t really thought of that before, but yes, I think emotionally I’ve taken some hits in the last year that have had a cumulative effect. Only I hadn’t really thought of them that way.

It’s undeniable that this last year was very tough, and the thing is, it comes on the heels of several also very tough years. It started being tough, I think, around the time that Scott turned 2, or just before. That’s when Gary’s work started being so long and demanding, and he didn’t seem to get what it was costing me. I didn’t feel I had support from him, more of an attitude of his not being able to understand why I was having trouble with something that lots of other women (he supposed) did effortlessly.

I suppose it’s possible that my feelings of readiness to emotionally move away from Gary may be influenced by a year (no, several years) that has (have) been so difficult that I’ve often felt just nutty insane. Part of it is the way children are—it lends itself to adult insanity, but to feel that I wasn’t getting understanding and credit, let alone empathy for what I was experiencing really torqued the lever. I’ve felt more and more alienated from Gary…counselors have implied that I’ve been susceptible to his passive aggression, and so that means I bear responsibility for what results from it; that if somehow when he does something passive aggressive that I didn’t react to it as an act of hostility that then the next step wouldn’t follow, which is alienation to the point where I think I’d rather have an affair than reconcile emotionally with him.

You know what, the reason I feel happy and bolstered when thinking of x is that I feel my liking for him reciprocated for me. I feel that in the comfort and ease of our talk. I see it in our ease in laughing together. That much I know is mutual, and that’s why I feel GOOD. Because that is something that is good. The next step is to move it out to a sexual attraction, but really it should stop with the mutual liking, in my mind. That’s enough, too, to experience this strong feeling of shared friendship. (And, I suppose the sexual “heat”-- that part which MAY be wholly one-sided—that can just be a little icing on the cake for me. Because whether he’s feeling it or not, I am, and I like it, even unacted upon.)

I have an ability, which actually is a liability, to forget having just been through a big change that’s been at least a year in its scope—and then to expect as much from myself as if we’d had all this behind us for years. It sort of worries me, sometimes, how certain facts will be there in front of me, and I’ve lost track of them, like derailing a train. Listening to the radio sometimes today I’d be hearing the commentator say something about something that had come earlier, and I’d have lost the connection to it. Then while trying to reel that back in I’d have lost the conversation that was going on while I was trying to remember.

Later:

This evening was one of the more difficult ones in memory. I had a hard time being patient with Scott, who was needing some attention. Gary had a late night at work, so that meant I was the whole show for dinner, which always seems so hard to get food on the table…all of it that we need at one time, and all the drinks, and then to be able to eat with them because a lot of time they’re eating while I’m getting all the stuff or getting up to get the stuff I forgot. So a lot of busywork. Then they had their conflicts over using the computer and Scott was whiny and disagreeable. Then homework with Connor, math that seemed a bit over his head, while trying to keep Scott occupied seemed particularly onerous tonight. So by the time Gary got home I was feeling beat up. This on a day where both boys were in school full day, so I should have been feeling fresh. But it worked out to 5 solid hours with the 2 of them. And the last 2 of those about did me in.

I think I’ll go read for a while.

I had a thought that in the midst of all this it would make sense that I would latch on to a man who is reasonably attractive and friendly and find some solace in that friendship. To come to want that from a man who is not my husband…does that boil down to poaching, even if I’m not sexually involved with him? Is it a bad thing?

Just when I thought we were in the clear...my 4 year old son started having accidents in his underwear. Nothing too major, but enough to bring my otherwise jovial mood down a few notches. Let me back track by saying that potty training Aidan was nothing short of climbing Mt. Everest..impossible, challenging, and all up hill.

We started potty training him around a year ago and at first things went as expected. He was our stubborn child, so we expected potty training to be challenging. He would get pre-occupied with playing trains and just "forget" to go to the bathroom. I spent many evenings washing pillow cases and bed sheets. Still, by the end of the summer, he was potty trained and ready for preschool.  Then about a month after we thought we were through with the messes..he started having poop accidents in his underwear. At first we tried to be gentle, non judgmental and positive, but that quickly wore off as the weeks went on. Then it occured to me that something might be physically wrong with him.

After taking him to visit the pediatrician, we found out that Aidan suffered from chronic constipation. Those "accidents" he was having were the result of poop escaping past the blockage and into his underwear. He wasn't even in control. We started him on Miralax and things have improved. I am trying to encourage him to drink more liquids in the form of popsicles and fruit juices and I am trying to remain patient.

Remember, if your child seems a bit more stubborn than usual about potty training, it might not be his fault. He may be suffering from constipation or a urinary tract infection, so keep your pediatrician informed an in the loop.

If you would like more information on potty training stubborn children try these links:

1. Potty Training the Stubborn Child

2. Potty Training Problems

Thanks and if you like my blog, visit my parenting website www.octopusmom.com or

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