I just found out about some neat rules for factoring that I never knew about. I wish I'd been taught these when I was in school! I don't know why I wasn't, because I found some other people knew them, even here in the Middle East!

I did know which numbers are divisible by two, and which are divisible by five. But I just learned how to tell which are divisible by three, nine, four, eight, and eleven! (So far, I haven't seen any rule for seven.)

Three: A number is divisible by three if the sum of its digits is divisible by three.

1,975,287 (divisible by three)

Because: 1+9+7+5+2+8+7 = 39 (divisible by three)

Nine: A number is divisible by nine if the sum of its digits is divisible by nine.

5,649,246 (divisible by nine)

Because: 5+6+4+9+2+4+6 = 36 (divisible by nine)

Four: A number is divisible by four if the last two digits are divisible by four.

227,648 (divisible by four), because 48 is divisible by four.

Eight: A number is divisible by eight if the last three digits are divisible by eight.

398,904 (divisible by eight), because 904 is divisible by eight.

I won't give the rule for eleven yet, because I have found some exceptions to the rule, meaning I must be doing something wrong!

Eileen

Today Beth picked up a copy of The Happiest Baby On The Block DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp at The Pump Station. First let me say, it kinda freaks me out how loudly Dr. Karp shushes in babies ears on the video. But the kids quiet down very effectively and his explination of the decibel level babies experience in the womb is pretty convincing.

The other thing that I tried out immediately was the stomach football hold with slight jiggling. Both of the bottle goblins really seemed to like that one. The DVD is short so it's worth checking out the bonus materials where Dr. Karp answers a lot more questions. 

One thing though: it would be good if Criterion Collection could do a special edition DVD with commentary track and a dolby 5.1 mix because the production value of this DVD is atrocious.

Yesterday I got a Fedex with my order from Land Of Nod, which contains these radical night-lights. I'm not one to toss around the descriptor "radical" loosely but these really are departures from your standard wall-plug variety. They sit charging in their base during the day but as soon as you lift them a few inches out of their base they flick on silently, providing enough light to change a diaper with minimal "wakeage" of the mini-human and do a feeding cycle. I really like that I can move them around the room like a camp light and that they look like little friendly aliens.

Also, we've been using Trixie Tracker to record diapers and feedings. It's a pretty keen piece of software. I love that you can access it from and iphone or a computer; but I have to say that in the morning between the 1:30am and 4:30am feedings it's hard to remember to enter the number of diapers I might have spot changed in between. So as a dad of twins I'm starting to ask myself: how exactly is it useful to keep tracking their poopy vs. wet diapers? We've established that they're eating and gaining weight. The pediatrician didn't ask us for a copy and I don't think I'm going to print out a copy and keep it with Dominik and Scarletts' first drawings so when can I stop doing this?

Along with falling in love with Dominik and Scarlett, I'm falling in love with M.J. all over again. Watching him grow into fatherhood, his developing tolerance for laundry and dishes, and his love of baking pie reminds me of that book, Porn For Women.

On our recent trip to see Dr. Beesly, Dominik got diagnosed with a slight case of jaundice.  The doctor prescribed sunshine 4 times a day for 15 minutes.  Here are some photos of father and son sunning.

Here are some things to look at:

I) Direction of the teacher's desk (Several ways of looking at this.)

The majority of sites I found recommend that the teacher's desk be in the "command" position, facing the door, from the furthest direction of the class.

Of course the feasibility of this depends upon whether the front of the classroom is in line with the door, or at the opposite end of the room.

Some classrooms are organized with the chalkboard next to the door, and the teacher's desk (or podium) in a straight line with the opening door. This is unfortunate.

In the Italian classroom below, the Feng Shui of the students has been given priority over that of the teacher. This classroom could be improved for the teacher if the chalkboard were on the wall behind the students, and the front of the classroom were reversed.

[caption id="attachment_524" align="alignleft" width="107" caption="Students in Italy sitting in the "command" position--classroom door appears to be on the far side of the teacher. "][/caption]

In cases like these, you may be able to change the orientation of your classroom. After teaching one year in my class and having severe problems from the sun shining directly on my board (meaning students had trouble seeing what I had written, from the outside glare, even on a dark green board), I requested that the board be moved to the back wall, and the back wall made into the front of the classroom. It was done the second summer. Since then I've been much happier. This was before I knew about Feng Shui, but now my desk is actually in the farthest corner from the door.

Alternative good desk placements are with the teacher facing his (or her) best direction (consult any number of Feng Shui books for how to determine your best direction), OR for the teacher to have his best direction at his back, supporting him. I actually have my best direction at my back, with the front of my desk placed at a right angle to the board. The important thing is for the teacher to feel at ease, and in control of the classroom.

II) Arrangement of Student Desks:

All sites agreed upon that the arrangement of desks into long rows is to be avoided. Anything except straight lines is OK. Some examples and pictures will be dealt with in Part III of this series.

Students learn better when their own desk clutter is kept under control. Don't cut corners by sometimes skipping desk-cleaning time. (This is something I'm often guilty of.)

III) Soften corners, and control clutter in corners:

If possible, put live plants in the corners. Apparently some teachers need to store boxes in the corners of their classrooms. If you need to do this, Renée Heiss recommends hanging a drape of fabric across the corner, behind which boxes can be kept, and clutter out of sight. Or, an oriental standing-screen barrier can be used.

I don't have room for any of this--plants, or boxes in corners. But it's given me an idea for boxes of ongoing projects that I will have this year on shelves. I think I will get some colored fabric to drape over those boxes when not in use. I think that might make the room look less cluttered.

IV) Add appropriate color in appropriate bagua areas.

I plan to do this with colors in pictures (posters), and fabric to cover project boxes. Previously, I hadn't given any thought to colors of pictures before hanging them in particular areas. I will also think about colors to enhance particular areas of the bagua before I purchase fabric to cover my boxes of projects.

If you are new to Feng Shui, I recommend Jayme Barrett's book, Feng Shui Your LIfe. I particularly liked her easy and excellent chapters on explaining the Bagua placement, and on use of color.

Part Three of this series will deal with enhancing student Feng Shui. and keeping student's room clutter-free and cleaned out--how to clean your child's room. Desks cleaned at school. Birthdays.

Part Four of this series will deal with classroom placement within schools, and flow of chi energy around schools.

Eileen

Part I of this series can be found at:

http://elementaryteacher.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/two-new-ideas-for-keeping-classroom-clutter-under-control-feng-shui-in-the-classroom-part-one-of-a-four-part-series/

It's been 7 days!!!!

Since we came home on Sunday night there has been the obvious learning curve of tandem breast feeding, getting them on the same feeding and sleeping schedule, trying to keep up with dishes and of course DIAPER SHOCK 2008!

Although it's challenging dealing with less sleep overall everyone is doing really well so we decided to celebrate 1 week of parenthood with the cupcakes above.

My friends Beth and Meredith both have kids under 2 and throughout my pregnancy they've given me lots of helpful tips on motherhood.  One thing that they strongly recommended was to not buy any of those cute little baby ankle socks because they fall off too easily and get lost.  Instead, they said, buy crew socks. Three nights before I delivered, I realized we didn't have any crew socks so, in a panic, I sent M.J. to Target.  He came home with 15 pairs in all different colors.  Cute, huh?

The new college entrance requirements are REALLY SCARY for parents.....

If I were just entering high school today, I think I might have trouble myself meeting the new college entrance requirements for 2010 (at least in my home state of Colorado)! I just found out about all this last week when doing some on-line research about current prices of universities. I have not yet had a chance to research if this is also a nationwide trend. Does anyone know?

Our family has just made the decision to move our daughter (with dual American/Middle Eastern nationality) out of an Arabic-French school into the American school here (that is, if she can pass the entrance test, and the school lets her in). She will take the entrance exam in late July. It was the search through university entrance criteria, together with her own desires, that have led our family to this decision.

The new requirements for ALL four-year schools in Colorado (even ones that aren't universities, but are just four-year colleges) call for FOUR years of ADVANCED math (algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and calculus)(2008 requirements call for only three years of math); THREE years of natural science (TWO of which must be LAB courses, such as Biology, Chemistry or Physics); TWO years of the SAME foreign language; FOUR years of English (at least TWO of which must be COMPOSITION classes); and THREE years of Social Sciences, including a year of American History.

If I, myself, fell under the new entrance requirements, it would have been the MATH requirement which would have gotten me. I don't think I would have been able to meet the MATH requirement, no matter how hard I worked.

After being a teacher for many years, I think many kids (and even adults) need a certain level of maturity before they are able to see things in a mathematical way (and I didn't get that until I was in my early 40's). If I had to take those advanced courses NOW, I'm sure I could do so and be successful; but I could never have been successful at calculus before that age (not that I'm anywhere close to that level now), because my BRAIN wasn't READY!

I have found that math is a LOT like ART. People who know how to draw are able to SEE things differently than people who can't draw. Once you are shown how to SEE properly (making the shift to right brain), your drawing ability improves dramatically in a matter of HOURS. It happened to me in my mid-20's; I had a great art instructor; I KNOW now how the shift FEELS.

Math is just the SAME. I had an extreme case of math anxiety as a child, and struggled through Algebra II, just so I would never again have to take it in university. When I started teaching Grade Three years ago, it was my most disliked subject. Now it has become one of my FAVORITES. Why? Because I MADE THE SHIFT and SEE IT DIFFERENTLY. My biggest challenge is to try to help KIDS see it differently, too. It's very hard. Some are ready, but most are NOT.

This is why I think moving calculus into high school as a MAINSTREAM math subject is a mistake. But this is a subject for another post.

Anyway, as a parent of a daughter who will graduate in 2012, I'm SCARED.

Eileen

As a follow-up to my recent post on the ten-year-old girl in Yemen who just got a divorce, I wanted to explain WHY young girls are marrying older men in the Arab-Muslim World, and in other traditional societies.

When I first moved the Middle East, I could not understand why this phenomenon was happening. I had read books about the British girls who were taken to Yemen "on vacation" by their Yemeni father, forced to marry country boys, and live in Middle-Ages type of conditions for many years. After living in the Middle East for many years, I have finally come to understand (but not necessarily to like) the thinking behind this issue.

After many years of living here, I have seen that there are some logical reasons behind this sort of marriage. I can finally see how it ever came about. Furthermore, the Arab World is NOT the ONLY place where such marriages take place, as I will discuss later in this post.

Let's look at Western society first. I once read in a women's book from America a discussion about why some men who are 35 or 40 marry 20-year-olds. These men feel that they are finally ready to settle down and start a family. Are most 40-year-old women ready to do the same thing? Not usually. But some 20-year-olds ARE. Furthermore, these sort of men aren't necessarily looking for an "equal" partnership. They want to make the decisions, be in control, and often want the stay-at-home wife who will "take care" of their needs. Some twenty-year-olds are looking for a relationship with a well-off man, where they can stay home, not work, and have kids. Two people of different ages, but of like-mind, CAN make such a marriage work, if it is what they both want.

Donald Trump marries third, younger wife in 2005

Now let's look at Middle Eastern societies. Men in these societies often have VERY protracted adolescences--to between 30 and 45 years of age (yes, it really IS true). Not every man is living this way, but the majority are behaving like Western teenagers until well after they are married. Most men do not even think about getting married before age 30, when normally they receive family pressure to do so.

How are most men in their 20's behaving like adolescents? It is the norm for most Middle-Eastern men to live at home until they are married. (For privacy, they get together with friends and together rent an apartment where they can "have fun.") So, they never have to learn things like doing their own wash, cooking for themselves, cleaning up after themselves, or getting along with roommates. In addition, most young men are running around until the wee hours of the morning with male friends (occupied with women, music, parties, and more often than not, alcohol).

When these men get married around the age of 30 (usually after parental pressure to do so), their wife takes over the duties that their mother previously did, such as picking up after them, cleaning for them, having a meal ready whenever they choose to drop in at home. This behavior, including staying out until all hours of the night with male companions, and without ever calling home to inform the wife, continues with most men well into middle age (45). Of course these behaviors do not describe everyone, but they do describe the majority of men. and yes, if Middle Eastern women love their husband, they are bothered by these behaviors, too. Of course they do not have the same freedoms to go out, although they do get together with friends in their own homes. Only upper class women, with either trusting or indifferent husbands, have the freedom and transportation to go out regularly, without question, to friends' homes in the evening.

First, unless the man is from a wealthy family where he can enter into his father's business, jobs are extremely hard to come by. Typical unemployment in most Arab countries constantly hovers around twenty-some percent (figures higher than the depths of the 1930's Depression in America).

Unless a man is a doctor, dentist, pharmacist, or factory-owner, nearly ALL jobs working for someone else (even if one has a university degree) are for minimal salaries, while the cost of lodging, clothing, and transport remains much higher proportionately than in the West. It takes years to secure a good job, start saving, and obtain the wherewithal to be accepted as a husband when one makes a marriage proposal.

Not everyone is running around acting like an adolescent (but 80 percent are). Serious men are working on university degrees and/or advancing their career. But even many professional men continue to hang around with male friends, excluding their wives, for most of their married lives.

Meanwhile, girls/women are kept at home until marriage. The Double Standard is in full force. In Middle Eastern society, a girl or woman of ANY AGE (even 90) MUST be a virgin at marriage. They must be PURE. If she is not, she can be divorced immediately the morning after the marriage. (Any unmarried woman who is not a virgin is considered to be "dirt.") It would be very difficult for a woman divorced in such a fashion ever to get married to anyone else, and her family would be extremely dishonored. They might even throw her out. In my Middle Eastern country, she would be unlikely to be killed, but in some Middle Eastern countries, she would be killed by a family member in order to restore the family's "honor."

So why is this "honor" so important to the family? Because they would be completely shunned and ridiculed by others. For example, no one else would be willing to marry the daughters of that family. No family would accept for their daughters to marry the sons of that family. Maybe merchants in the town would refuse to let the family buy food or other supplies from them. No one at school would be allowed to speak to, or play with, children from that family.

So, Muslim families are eager to marry off their daughters at as young of an age as practicable, because of the fear that the daughter might "disgrace the family." In my country, the marriage age has been raised to 18 (although the poor, or countryside people, sometimes obtain false ages for their daughters stated on official documents). This is mostly an attempt either to find a husband to feed the daughter (if the family is too poor to support her), or an attempt to be sure she's married off by the time of her first period, so that she has no chance to "disgrace" the family.

Child-Bride-Afghanistan, photo by Stephen Brown, Front Page Magazine, July 9, 2007

Most girls are now going to school, and as long as a girl is in school, her family does not pressure her to get married. If she is fortunate enough to get a job, sometimes her family doesn't pressure her for a while. However, by her early to mid-20's, the family is keeping their eyes open for potential partners.

For example, I have a maid right now who is about 22. Her family has decided that since she is not married, and her first cousin is not married either, that both of them should get married. (She doesn't seem to be objecting.) She told my daughter that she doesn't love him, and he doesn't love her, but that is not considered important. It's clear that her family is worried that if she gets much older, she might have a chance to "disgrace" the family. Marrying her off will guard against this possibility.

So ever since ancient times, in most societies, the men around age 28-40 were most ready to get married, and the girls around ages 15-18 were most ready to get married. This is where the disparity originated. In some modern societies the same conditions are existing as were existing then. So, it continues.

In Western societies, the conditions have now changed. Because women now go to school and hold jobs equal to men, for the first time in history, women are now able to marry men their own age, counting on their two incomes together.

It was not so long ago in American society, that women upon marriage had to promise to "love, honor, and obey" in their wedding vows (I made sure that word was not in MY wedding vows). For many years, I wondered WHY that had EVER been in the vows. Now I understand.

Back in previous times, generally an American husband could not afford to get married until he was at least in his late 20's, or sometimes even longer. In those days, the girls who were considered ready to get married were about sixteen. It's only logical that when one spouse is 10-15 years older than the other, that they will expect to be making most of the decisions. It will not be an "equal" partnership. By promising to "obey," it legitimized the older spouse's claim on authority and decision-making.

Finally, I'd just like to give an example of another society in which it is most common for young teenage girls to marry older men. It is in Amazonian rain-forest society. Why? The teenage boys are after sex, and often try to trap girls in the forest. Girls who are not married to an older man (such as age 30) , and thus have a "protector" are likely to be raped. So the parents try to get the girl married usually between 12 and 14 (if my memory about what I read a couple years ago serves me correctly).

So, it is not just in Middle-Eastern, or Muslim societies where this practice originated. This practice was all over the world.

Eileen

This past week (no students) the senior play (a Shakespeare production) was held on Monday evening.

Tuesday was a lavish, catered (Middle Eastern) dinner for Juniors, Seniors, their parents, faculty and staff, and our retiring headmistress. Here are some of the things we had (photos off the web, however):

Pigeon Pastilla

Chicken with Olives

Mechoui (pronounced "MESH-wee")- Whole Roast Lamb, served on platters almost a meter wide

Couscous

Wednesday evening we had graduation on the school lawn. The American ambassador from our country attended, as well as the new incoming headmaster and elementary headmistress, and a few other local impressive figures. It was our school's first twelfth-grade graduation, complete with caps, gowns, and sashes ordered from the United States. Eighth-graders passing into high school also participated in the graduation, wearing suit and tie for boys, and elegant white dresses with high heels, for girls.

I'm not as exhausted, mentally or physically, at the end of this school year, as I was last year at this time. I hope to get busy cleaning up the numerous things around my house that need doing, such as unpacking and sorting through boxes from when we moved into our new house almost three years ago. I also hope to be starting a diet in the next day or two. I got to the swimming pool for the first time this season, and was able to swim ten laps. Please wish me luck all on these endeavors!

Eileen

Today we are continuing with our focus on Dads and we will be reading up on a condition that is just starting to gain recognition - Paternal Postnatal Depression or PPND for those of you who love acronyms.

Dr. Will Courtenay has been working in the field of Men's Health for quite some time and is internationally recognized for his achievements in his field. According to his bio at Postpartum Men, Dr. Courtenay received his Ph.D. from the University of California at Berkeley and is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. He is a member of the visiting clinical faculty in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and has formerly served on the clinical faculty of the University of California, San Francisco, Medical School. Dr. Courtenay also serves as a Coordinator with Postpartum Support International.

In addition to his psychotherapy practice, Dr. Courtenay has spent the last 15 years researching and writing about men’s physical and mental health concerns, and effective strategies for helping men. His work is referenced by researchers throughout the world and has been translated into many languages. Currently, the focus of his research and writing is men’s experiences after the birth of a child – and effective strategies for helping men with postpartum depression.

I am excited to be able to share this interview with you and hope you leave enlightened and open to th very real condition that affects new fathers.

Thank you Dr. Courtenay for your hard work in this area and I also thank you for the time you put into this interview. I know it continue to shed light on a topic that has been in the dark far too long.

What led you to become a Psychotherapist specializing in men's issues?

Wow! That question takes me back to being a teenager in the late 70s! That was when the Comprehensive Employment and Training Act, or CETA, was enacted. My first social work job was being a CETA worker in San Francisco. I helped teenaged boys – mostly runaways, who were living on the streets of the inner city – to find jobs and housing. After that, I worked in a variety of jobs helping men as a social worker while I continued my education.

After I began my psychotherapy practice, and while I was working on my PhD at the University of California at Berkeley, I became very curious about the silence surrounding men’s issues. No one was talking about them – not doctors, not mental health providers, not the media, and certainly not men themselves. I was shocked to learn, for example, that men were dying nearly eight years younger than women, and yet there was no discussion about it. Most people – including doctors – were not even aware of this fact. And men’s mental health wasn’t any better. Men were killing themselves at rates up to 12 times higher than women were. But again, there was a deafening silence.

So, about 15 years ago, I founded Men’s Health Consulting (www.MensHealth.org). An educational and consulting firm focused on educating health professionals and the public about the health of men and boys, and how to best provide health services to men. That was long before most people had heard of Men’s Health Magazine. Finally, things have changed and men’s health is getting more of the attention it deserves. But now, men’s postpartum depression is where men’s health was 15 years ago – completely in the dark.

The focus of my work as a researcher and social scientist is masculinity. What I discovered is, men’s attitudes about manhood have a direct influence on men’s health and well-being. Take for example, the fact that many men were taught as boys to never cry – and that they were often punished when they did. So, it’s no surprise research shows that men are more likely than women to try to hide their depression – which only worsens the depression. Men are also taught to be tough, self-reliant and never ask for help. This then makes it difficult for men to get the support and professional help they need to recover from depression – and can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment when they do.

It really pains me to see so many men suffering alone, and in silence. Especially since depression, anxiety and the other emotional problems that affect us are effectively treatable. So, helping men to lead the most fulfilling lives they can – primarily through raising public awareness and through my psychotherapy practice in Berkeley, California – remains a lifelong passion.

When did you first begin to see an increase in men experiencing Paternal Postnatal Depression?

Well – to be honest – what first springs to mind when I hear that question is a really bad analogy: buying a car and suddenly noticing how many of the same cars there are on the road. But the fact is, until you recognize that this problem of postpartum depression in men exists, you don’t see it. Once you know about it, you start to see just how common it is.

The fact is, we don’t know if there actually is “an increase” in Paternal Postnatal Depression (PPND). It’s only relatively recently that the problem has been identified. That doesn’t mean it’s new, it just means we hadn’t identified it before. There probably have always been men who’ve experienced postpartum depression.

Part of what drew my attention to the problem, was becoming a father myself and starting to think more about the experiences of men as fathers. At the same time, I had been watching many of male patients becoming fathers. In fact, it was actually in my clinical practice – working with men who became fathers for the first time – when I first saw men experiencing depression after their babies were born. That’s when I started researching the subject.

What is the occurrence rate for PPND and what are some of the risk factors for developing PPND?

Well, the occurrence rate is surprisingly high. Every day, more than 1,000 men in the United States become depressed after the birth of their children. And according to some studies, that number is as high as 3,000. That’s means that as many as 1 in 4 new dads experience PPND.

The “risk factors” for PPND are basically those things that we believe might cause PPND (see below). Men who are concerned about developing PPND – or concerned about already having PPND – should look over the list of possible causes to see whether they might be at risk.

Would you describe some of the classic symptoms of PPND? What symptoms would warrant a psychiatric emergency?

It’s a great question – and certainly a reasonable one. But it opens a whole can of worms.

“Classic” is probably not the best term to use in this case. PPND is a relatively newly recognized problem. Now that doesn’t mean that fathers haven’t always experienced this problem, it just means we’re only beginning to learn about it. So, because of that, we don’t really know what the “classic symptoms” are. The same is true of men’s depression, in general. What we’ve long thought of as classic symptoms of depression, may have blinded us to the actual symptoms that men experience.

When we think of a depressed person, we usually picture someone who’s sad and crying. But picture instead a guy who’s working 60 hours a week, being a little short-tempered, drinking a couple of martinis at lunch, slipping out of the office to have an affair, and then speeding home to his wife in the evening. Now that’s not who we think of when we think of someone who’s depressed, but these are some of the symptoms of men’s depression – which often looks different than women’s depression. This is part of what makes it easy to overlook men’s depression.

Here are some symptoms of men’s depression or PPND:

§  Increased anger and conflict with others

§  Increased use of alcohol or other drugs

§  Frustration or irritability

§  Violent behavior

§  Losing weight without trying

§  Isolation from family and friends

§  Being easily stressed

§  Impulsiveness and taking risks, like reckless driving and extramarital sex

§  Feeling discouraged

§  Increases in complaints about physical problems

§  Ongoing physical symptoms, like headaches, digestion problems or pain

§  Problems with concentration and motivation

§  Working constantly

§  Frustration or irritability

§  Misuse of prescription medication

§  Increased concerns about productivity and functioning at school or work

§  Fatigue

§  Experiencing conflict between how you think you should be as a man and how you actually are

A man who’s depressed won’t experience all these symptoms. Some men experience only a few of them, while others experience many. And how bad these symptoms get also varies among men – and over time.

Now, that said, it’s important to point out that men with PPND can also experience “classic” symptoms of depression – such as a sad mood, loss of interest in hobbies or sex, a change in appetite, a sense of worthlessness, poor concentration, and thoughts of suicide. Certainly if a man is thinking about suicide, that would qualify as a psychiatric emergency. We have to remember that men commit suicide anywhere from 4 to 12 times more often than women do. Each day, 75 men in the United States take their own lives. So, any thoughts of suicide in men need to be taken very seriously.

As you can probably tell from this description, PPND is different from the “Daddy Blues” – which many new dads can experience. With normal postpartum stress or the Daddy Blues, a guy’s going to feel better when he gets a little extra sleep, when he goes to the gym, or when he has lunch with a buddy. But with depression, these things won’t make him feel better. With depression, the symptoms are more severe and they last longer. So, if the Daddy Blues last more than two or three weeks, a man’s probably depressed – and he should get help from a mental health professional who specializes in working with men. Left untreated, postpartum depression often worsens.

It’s also important to keep in mind that men are more likely than women to try to hide their depression. And many men are very good at this. In fact, they’re so good at it, they don’t even recognize their depression themselves. So, looking out for any sign of something unusual is critical. The best sign might simply be hearing from his partner, “Honey, you haven’t been yourself lately.”

It’s also important to point out that, even if new fathers don’t have “clinical” symptoms, they can sometimes just feel miserable – and completely alone in their misery. It’s not uncommon for me to hear from men, “I just don’t feel any connection to my baby.” For some men, it’s even harder than this: they can’t stand to be near their baby. They can’t stand the smell of their baby. Or, for other men, they can’t stand to hear their baby cry; just hearing their baby cry makes them completely crazy. And then, on top of that, these men feel horribly guilty for thinking or feeling these things.

What are the causes of men's Postpartum Depression?

To be frank, we can’t be definitive about the causes of PPND – at least at this point. But, that said, there are a number of factors that research suggest might be possible causes.

It’s likely that sleep deprivation plays a major role in triggering men’s depression. We know that normal, healthy adults who are deprived of good sleep for just one month begin to develop all of the clinical signs of depression. So, sleep deprivation is a very likely cause.

Hormones may also play a role. Everyone knows that pregnant women and breast-feeding mothers go through hormonal changes, but men’s hormones change too. A man’s hormones change both during his partner’s pregnancy and during his baby’s infancy. And it’s a double whammy: not only do our testosterone levels go down, but – at the same time – our estrogen levels go up. Which means less male hormones and more female hormones coursing though our bodies. One man I know got glassy-eyed just learning this; he finally had an explanation why he’d suddenly “broke down in tears” the week before when he saw a squirrel on the street get hit by a car. These hormonal changes can wreak havoc on a man’s life, and may help set the stage for postpartum depression. In fact, there is some evidence linking decreasing testosterone levels with increasing risk of depression in men.

Now, the thing that best predicts whether a man will become depressed is whether his partner is depressed. Half of all men whose partners have postpartum depression are depressed themselves. Part of what I think explains this, is the new father’s loss of his partner to her new job that keeps her occupied 24/7 – and being left on the sidelines while mommy and baby are bonding. We know from lots of research that men have fewer friends and smaller social networks than women do, and that – for many men – their female partners are their primary source of support. The loss of this support – which, of course, is even greater when the mother is depressed – might be a trigger for depression in some men.

Here are some other things that may increase a man’s chances of experiencing PPND are

§ Personal history of depression

§ Relationship stress – with a partner or with in-laws

§ Excessive stress about becoming a parent or father

§ A sick or colicky baby

§ A lack of support from others

§ Economic problems or limited resources

What steps can a man with PPND take to get better and what is the average length of the recovery period?

Well, the good news is that postpartum depression and anxiety are very treatable. Men don’t have to continue suffering. And although these conditions are very serious – and sometimes life-threatening – men can fully recover.

Research shows that the best way to “get better” (or the best treatment) when experiencing depression, is a combination of talk therapy and medication. Now, “talk therapy” can be a scary idea for many men. If that’s the case, then a man should think of it instead as getting some consultation or coaching. The fact is, every man needs a teammate – or a coach – at some time (and sometimes many times) in his life. And if he’s suffering from PPND or depression, that’s one of those times. The important thing is that a man rally with himself to gather the courage necessary to get the help he needs to recover.

It’s also important that he see a psychotherapist who’s trained in working with men. The fact is, we mental health clinicians are human. We’ve grown up with the same stereotypes about men that everyone else has. These stereotypes about how men are supposed to be can often blind clinicians to men’s pain In fact, research shows that trained, mental health clinicians are less likely to correctly diagnosis depression in men than in women. Because of this, and the unique needs men bring to therapy, a man should see someone who has been trained in working specifically with men.

Now, if a man doesn’t get help, it can result in damaging, long-term consequences. Left untreated, we know that postpartum mood disorders often worsen – and they can ruin a man’s marriage or his career, and can lead to serious financial problems. We also know that a father’s PPND has a negative impact on the emotional and behavioral development of his child 3-5 years later.

Suicide, of course, is the most tragic consequence of depression. As I mentioned above, suicide rates are much higher for men than for women. In fact, three U.S. men kill themselves every hour of every day. And men’s depression doesn’t just lead to suicide. Men with depression are twice as likely to die from any cause compared to those men who aren’t depressed. That’s why I call depression “men’s silent killer.”

The truth is, the biggest problem with men’s postpartum depression isn’t the depression itself, but the fact that too many men try to go it alone and don’t get treatment. That’s the worse thing they can do. Men need to recognize that depression is a medical condition – it’s not a weakness of character. For a man to admit he’s depressed isn’t unmanly or admitting defeat; it’s taking charge of his life.

The important thing to remember is that all of the negative consequences of men’s depression are avoidable. With proper treatment and support, men can fully recover from PPND. And if a man can’t do it for himself, he should consider doing for his marriage or the well-being of his child.

Unfortunately, we don’t know how long it takes men to recover from PPND; it’s never been researched. But men should keep in mind that their depression may have been years in the making; it may not disappear overnight. Even a man who recognizes he’s depressed and gets help – by talking to a psychotherapist or consultant right away – can still take a while to recover. If a man starts taking antidepressants, for example, it usually takes the medication 8 to 12 weeks to reach a therapeutic level. The recovery time will also vary depending on what the man’s emotional well-being was like before he became a father.

Now, all of that said, it’s also worth mentioning that – in my experience – men often report at least some relief almost immediately after talking to a mental health professional. That sense of relief often continues until they fully recover from depression.

How can a partner support her husband if he is suffering from PPND?

The number one way a partner can support her husband is by being patient. And the second – and the third – way she can support her husband is by being patient. This is especially true if her husband has already acknowledged that he might need some help.

The fact is, it can take a while for a man to get help – even after he’s decided to do that. And then once he gets help, it can take a while for him to recover. I just heard from a man last week that his wife had been very understanding of his becoming depressed – at first. But when his depression persisted – as it often does, even after beginning treatment – she got impatient. That won’t help a man’s recovery at all.

For the woman who wants to help her husband to get the help he doesn’t know he needs, but she knows he needs, I’d suggest that she look to what’s worked for her in the past. What powers of persuasion has she used that have worked most successfully in the past? What worked when she wanted her partner to do something he didn’t want to do – like cleaning out the garage or mowing the lawn? She should think about these things and what’s worked to influence him in the past. What works is going to be different for every man.

She should also be careful with the words she uses to talk about getting help. She might be comfortable with the notions of “therapy” or “personal growth,” but her partner might not be. It’s a lot safer for her to suggest that he consider some “coaching” or “consultation.” If she’s considering finding some referrals for him, she should try to find someone who’s experienced in working with men.

If both the mother and father are suffering with a Postnatal Mood Issue, what steps should they take together to protect their marriage and the child?

Well, the first thing they should do is to take a deep breath. Then, they should fasten their seat belts and make sure their tray tables are in the upright position.

Now, I don’t want to make light of this most challenging of postpartum situations. But the truth is, it is going to be a very bumpy ride. And, these parents need to be prepared for how bumpy it’s going to get.

Parenthood is hard. Let’s face it; it’s hard for all of us. And, of course, it’s also often filled with pure joy. But, it’s still hard. In fact, three out of four couples say they became dissatisfied with their relationship after their first child was born. That’s because taking care of a new baby is challenging – for most parents. But with postpartum depression it’s different; it’s painfully challenging. And when two parents are depressed, it’s doubly, painfully challenging.

This question is particularly relevant, because we know that half of all women who are depressed have male partners who are also depressed. And – if both parents are depressed – the negative impact on their child’s emotional and behavioral development is even worse than if one parent is depressed.

The truth is, “baby bliss” is something that appears more often in movies and Hallmark cards than in the homes of new parents. Yes, some parents experience what appears to be a seamless transition into parenthood. But I believe that’s the exception. For most parents, it’s more like baby boot camp. (And it’s not the babies who are in training.)

If both mother and father are depressed, professional help is definitely needed – for both of them, individually and as a couple. That means finding an individual psychotherapist for him, one for her, and a couples therapist for both of them. I know it sounds like a lot of talk therapy, but the fact is, that’s the best chance of getting them through this.

Social support for both of them – individually and as a couple – is also going to be important. Involving family can be helpful, but only if the family members involved are supportive of both partners and the relationship. Getting involved in an online forum – like the online forum at www.SadDaddy.com for new fathers – is important. This may be especially true for men, who may be more comfortable getting support in a way that are anonymous.

Probably the best thing couples can to do to protect their marriage – and their child’s development – begins before the baby is even born. Expectant parents should assess both the mother’s and the father’s risk for experiencing postpartum depression (see the question about risk factors). They can go to my web site, www.SadDaddy.com, and check the list of things that can put a man at risk. There are also resources there for new and expectant mothers.

If a man’s at risk for PPND, he should start getting prepared for the possibility that he might become depressed before the baby is born. Building a network of support made up of friends and family – and putting this in place before the birth of his child – is like putting money in the bank. The expectant father can also join a men’s group or a new father’s group.

For men, the best resource is my web site, www.SadDaddy.com. There’s a lot of information, and resources, about men’s postpartum mood disorders, an assessment specifically designed for men to help them determine whether they might be depressed, and an online forum for new dads to talk with one another.

Just as with PPD, is it possible for a father to be ok after one birth and still experience PPND with a subsequent birth?

My guess is, yes. But that’s only a guess; an educated guess. The problem is, we don’t know. We’re only know beginning to understand PPND, and the chance that it can occur after a previously uneventful postpartum experience is unknown.

If you could give an expectant father (new or experienced) just one piece of advice, what would it be?

Have the courage to get help, if you think you might need it. And, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kid's sake.

And - if I could add a second piece of advice - it would be, be patient with yourself. Parenting is harder than you think. It's harder than anyone thinks - or anticipates - it will be. It is, as they say, the hardest job you'll ever have.

And it's even harder now, when men are expected to be more involved in parenting. Most dads - with their typically can-do approach to things - say, "Sure, of course I'll be more involved in parenting." But then they wonder, "What does that mean?" 

The fact is, they can't answer that, because most of these guys had dads who took a completely hands-off approach to parenting. So, that leaves these new dads - who never learned parenting skills from their own dads - uncertain about what to do. Unfortunately, this uncertainty can quickly lead to anxiety - and we know that anxiety postpartum often leads to depression.

Recognizing this - and just how difficult the job of parenting is - will help new dads to cut themselves a little slack. Hopefully, if they can be patient with themselves while they learn this new job, they'll enjoy being a dad a whole lot more.
 

While trying to achieve good parenting skills there are multiple ways to deal with various age groups. Confronting strategies for toddlers differ with those for teenagers. Your 16 year old boy is likely to make fun of you if he is told to spend some time in a thinking chair as he is being obstinate, stubborn and aggressive. On the other hand a few minutes time out will do wonders while tackling a 4 year old. To be victorious as a mother you need information for each set of kids.

Facts regarding good parenting skills is widely available. A number of genuine and self proclaimed specialists are also around. A list of websites, books and other means in this aspect would probably require paragraphs. To make your life easy I would mention a few here. You can start with a library or a book shop. Single moms bringing up toddlers and smaller children will really benefit from the Parents Magazine. Unfortunately the major content in Parents Magazine is aimed at married parents. Among the various books available, you should go through at least a couple of them. Those who like Dr. Fan will recommend you his books. Dr. Terry Brazelton is an authority on child behavior. He is a father as well as a pediatrician. Even though a number of his books may be out of date, the attitude of babies and other children has remained the same since long. Last of all "The Well Trained Mind" is a good choice for those who want to discipline their children early.

There are a lot of sites on the web to help single moms with good parenting knowledge. A renowned group is Parents without partners. They provide a wide range of information for single mothers. In the UK similar information is available on gingerbread. Early Start and Head Start Programs deliver the same services in the USA. You may not be eligible for their preschool assistance, but you can participate in courses and seminars which they conduct on positive parenting. Last of all you can look for topics like single parenting and lone mothers through any search engine on the internet and get the required information. So if you are a single mother in search of parenting tips now you know where and how to get the required knowledge.

If you need some parenting tips just now I can give you a few basics. As an adult you should be in control. Keep yourself composed all the time. This may not be easy, particularly when you find green finger paint all over your kitchen. If you get upset, you will lose control of the situation. Such a situation may make your little child scared. To be flourishing always be composed and exercise control over your voice and actions.

http://www.askalisha.com/parenting/

My response – remain calm, let her go, and ignore the big scene.  Once she finished her fit, I proceeded to explain to her in a low voice, that she made a poor decision.  I expressed to her I was disappointed and consequently she lost one week of gum privileges (it’s her favorite snack!).  Although disappointed, she stopped and began to apologize.  I obviously accepted.  Because I’m a bit of a softy, I informed her that when and if she started to make good decisions; she would then earn her privileges back.  Let’s just say, it took several days, but rest assured she was once again smacking on her “sugarless” gum before too long!

One of my friends who witnessed the entire situation was a little shocked.  A bit taken aback at my response to the embarrassing situation, she asked, “How can you be so laid-back with her?”  She exclaimed, “Don’t you ever loose your cool?”  Yes, I do, but I try REALLY HARD not to react and mimic that type of behavior.  Instead, I purposely respond composedly.  It’s not always easy, but reacting can make the situation worse.  If I did get excited and yell and scream, it would only fuel my strong-willed child’s fire.  Trust me I don’t ever want to justify that type of behavior.  

In the book, Scream Free Parenting, the author, Hal Edward Runkle, challenges all parents to transform their family dynamics:

“Every kid wants to have “cool” parents.  This does not mean parents hip to the latest styles, or parents with no rules whatsoever.  What every kid really wants are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what.   Kids want parents to remain unflappable even when they flip out….  The ScreamFree way compels you to focus on yourself, grow yourself up, and calm yourself down.  By staying both calm and connected with your kids, you begin to operate less out of your deepest fears and more out of you highest principles, revolutionizing your relationships in the process.” 

There’s a huge difference between reacting and responding to every life situation.  I make a concerted effort when I deal with relationships personally and professionally to try and remain calm at all costs, especially when managing a team of people made up of very different personalities.  In leadership, this can be a challenging discipline but worth the extra effort.  Take a deep breath and try not to overreact.  This will prevent you from underachieving at home and at the work place.

Are you curious what the kids bring packed from home in our Middle Eastern country? Today, I walked around the classroom and took pictures of a few of the kids' mid-morning snacks that looked particularly delicious.

Some mothers send fruit snacks:

Fresh Figs, Banana, and Nectarine

Some other examples:

Red Grapes with Honeydew (side), and Fresh Watermelon with Yellow Apple Slices (below)

Mixture of Sweet, Hard Biscuit with White Raisins; Homemade Pizza with Tomato Sauce, Cheese, Zucchini, and Green Bell Pepper

Homemade Doughnuts with Tiny "Petite Swisse" Yogurts (above)

Petite Swisse Yogurts come in three fruit flavors, and are made with 40 percent fat, as if they are made from pure whipping cream. Unbelievably delicious.

Cookies with an Orange Juice Drink

Of course, other popular snacks include whole bags of potato chips, small cakes and cookies out of store-bought individual packages, juice-based drinks, and yogurt-based milk drinks. Sometimes kids bring popcorn. Carbonated drinks and candy are forbidden at school.

Comments?

Eileen

Join us today to help our children grow, learn and succeed in this struggling times we live in. Parents need to unite and make sure that agencies like DYFS or ACS does not force families apart.

If you are poor or rich parent come on out and speak up. I do welcome doctors, DYFS caseworkers and lawyers to join the forum. We also need to help our immigrated friends that have children to get their citizenship and work permits as well as getting them Social Security cards so they can better provide for their kids.

Come one, come all! Fathers and Mothers, Grandmothers and Grandfathers, Aunts and Uncle. Your word counts, so stop by our forum today.

Here is a photo of the report cards we use at our American school. We need to give a grade in each subject, and write a comment for each subject. It normally takes me in excess of 40 hours (all at home, spread over about three weeks) to do this for a whole class of close to 30 students. During the Fall term, knowing the students and their work less well than in subsequent terms, it takes me about 60 hours. Not only do these have to be handwritten, but there is a second permanent record form where we have to recopy all of this by hand! So I am including all this in the time I have stated above.

Our school is about to computerize, which I'm hoping will save time, but we won't know until we do it (especially since we don't have any computers in our classroom, sometimes the computer lab at the other end of the building is not available, and often the internet is not working in my country--our computerized system is based in America, so we need to use the internet to access it).

The report cards as above I've been writing for the fourteen years I've been with our school. So these are soon to go defunct. However, we are not to have preassigned comments with numbers, or anything like that. After computerizing, they want us to keep personalized comments for each student, as below.

Please read the comments below, as I'm curious to know what readers, and especially other teachers, think about this.

Here are the grades and comments typical of what I might write on a hypothetical student's report card (a compilation of comments from several students' report cards):

Reading: B

Good.

Reading Comprehension: B

Inadequate preparation at home of some preassigned essay questions for the comprehension test. Good work on mastering new story vocabulary.

Oral Expression in Reading - B

Ahmed knows how to read aloud correctly, but shyness prevents him from reading aloud confidently and authoritatively.

Language (Speaking Grammar in English): B-

Some problems with correctly conjugating verbs in the present tense in his spoken English. This problem carries over into Ahmed's writing.

Composition: C

Problem with writing in sentence fragments. Sometimes leaves out words. Need to remember to indent. Ahmed writes about interesting and exciting ideas!

Spelling Tests: B-

(At the beginning of the year, parents are informed that spelling tests will be graded on also requiring correct handwriting. For example, m's and n's must have the correct number of humps, and capital letters where they do not belong will cause the word to be marked wrong, even if it is spelled correctly. )

Many points lost on tests early in the termfor unacceptable handwriting.

Spelling Skills in Writing: A

Very good attention to spelling details. Ahmed uses and remembers what he does already know.

Mathematics: D

Severe trouble with rounding and patterns on the tests. However, his general math understanding is better than his grades indicate.

Social Studies: A-

Very good! Ahmed loves geography and history.

Science: B+

Ahmed enjoys science.

Computer Class: B

Very good (Comment from computer teacher.)

Art: B-

Improving. Must cooperate better. (Comment from art teacher.)

Music

Not always attentive. (Comment from music teacher.)

Handwriting

Has made dramatic improvements, but still having trouble with the formation of certain letters (k, m, n, f). Continued trouble with correct proportion, and must take care to have a consistent forward slant.

Physical Education: C

Can do better. Lacks enthusiasm. Consistently tardy before and after class. (Comment from P.E. teacher.)

Class Participation: A-

Shy, but does participate well when he has something to say.

Work Habits: B-

Often distracted and thinking about other things. Ahmed often seems to lack energy. Is he eating well? Is he getting enough sleep?

Social Behavior: A

Excellent

Days Tardy: 12

Please, would it be possible to have Ahmed arrive at the gate about fifteen minutes earlier? Students should be coming in the gate at 8:20, so that they have time to put their things away, and be seated in their chairs, ready to work, at 8:35. Ahmed generally arrives in our room about 8:40 and disrupts the lesson while he puts his things away. Thank you!

Days Absent: 0

Please, comments from readers? (Thanks!)

Eileen