Approximately ten seconds after In Touch Weekly announced the probable split of Mirandiingo Kerr and my boyfriend, Orlando Bloom,  Miranda's mothuh and brothuh issued a statement to some Australian whores saying that they were "frustrated and upset" to find break-up rumors splashed across the whole wide world.  To the best of my recollection, this rumor started pretty late in the evening last night, so these tools must be googling their dingo darling around the clock. 

Mirandingo's lil bro says that his dumb ass sister never snogged the Brandon Davis at a New York nightclub.  He knows this because he was glued to her side the whole entire evening.  Bytch please!  You know your ass slipped off to pee at least twice, and those were the times the dingo and the greasy walrus joined lips. 

Mirandingo's mum says that she's protective of her dingo baby and that she is all sorts of disappointed in the "false report".  Says Dingo Mum:  "I realise there is an interest in people who are in the spotlight, but I just can't believe how far from the truth it gets.  Miranda and Orlando have never been closer and are happier right now more so than ever.  He's meeting her in Paris next week."

Yeah, he's meeting her in Paris next week to punch her in the mouth for all the stupid shit that's come out of it the past few months! 

This is the best break-up denial ever, by the way.  I say this because it's soo embarrassingly lame ass.  Seriously?  I've never heard of someone's mother coming to their defense over a damn break-up story.  It's like her life depends on this fake reIationship.  Also, I thought Mirandingo loved to talk to the press!  Why isn't she saying anything (coyly of course, because that's the only way she knows how to talk to The Press.  Or at all!  She probably orders her dingo food in the restaurant 'coyly' and then smiles up at the waiter with those seductive animal eyeballs of hers.   

Why isn't her publicist saying anything?  Why isn't Orlando's?  Orlando never says anything.  Why don't you EVER speak, Orlando?  Dingo got your tongue?

Sorcery via Jaded

Según el diario Daily Mail, ella fue vista en varios antros de Nueva York con su ex novio en actitud bastante cariñosa, lo que significaría un rompimiento definitivo con Bloom.

Mientras un vocero de la modelo afirma que no ha habido tal rompimiento, un amigo del actor garantiza que los dos nunca asumieron algo más que 'una buena amistad'.

Are my quotidian libations to the almighty Zeus, Athena, and Aphrodite actually paying off?  People, let this be a reminder that laying out the bones for the gods is not something to discount during times of distress!  I've been throwing down bones since that damned awful day last Fall that Janers started posting some business about MY EPHING BOYPHRIEND (Orlando Bloom) shagging a phucking phugly dingo named Miranda Kerr aka Cabbage Patch Bytch, and lo and behold, it looks like they are well on their way to a break-up.   W000000000t, bytches!!! 

The dingo is the worst kind of hobaggery imaginable, BTW.   A liar, a fake, and a shameless hussy.  Parading my man around like he's her bytch.  Pure and simple, she's been taking advantage of the fact that he is going through a complete and utter depression.  He needs help.  She's taking advantage!   She's a loose-lipped fame hog and she found a sucker onto which she could hook her dingo clutches into.  And all you Miranda Kerr supporters can eph off!  Your idol is a heathen, okay?  She's not smart, she's ungrateful, and she's not smart!  Go buy a clue and stop buying her BS. 

Back to the (possible) break-up! Wanda, Jaded, Poor Orlando, and the hot slags at the Delphi cabbage forum have alerted me to the best article of all time!  In Touch Magazine has proclaimed that the animal/human union of Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr has went bust.   It's not even worth quoting, so I'm not gonna quote.  But I will say she has been spotted swapping mouth juice with Brandon Davis.  Swell!  I don't care about how gross he is, either.  If this psychotic avaricious baby-faced dingo slut wants to make sessual jollies with a nasty pervert, that's her own damned business.  Bytch is out of my hair at this point.

By the way, I am simply celebrating the fact that this article exists.  That is all.  It's kind of too good to be true, me thinks!  For all I know, the evil dingo has spread this shit to keep her stupid name active in the google search engine up until that silly fashion show of hers takes place.  I shan't be surprised if I wake up tomorrow morning and they are holding hands in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard wearing promise rings and shiz.  Naked.

We'll see what happens!

P.S.  Wanda just reminded me that this possible break-up was the direct result of her 24-hour Hunger Strike. 

* Former sessy lurker, Ana, has just informed me that the Australian equivalent of CNN is reporting that this fake ass relationship is a dead as disco!  Thank you, Ana!  That's good news!  Until I get official word from his peoples, though, I have to assume they are still making stick fires. So Operation Save Whorelando is still in effect, slag faces!   Once I get the word that this mess is the real deal, Operation Make Orly Shaggable  Again will commence.

** Why am I not jumping all over the couch Tom Cruise-style right now?  Shouldn't I be happy?  I need proof!  Orlando Bloom, get your dumb ass over to this blog and say something!  I love youououou, Whorelando!!!!1 

^ Can you feel the love?   Yeah, me either!

^ Orlando, are you prepared to let this go?

^ I'm serious Orlando!  Are you willing to give this re-re dingo up?

^ Please start looking like this again, PlZ. 

coolspotters.com had this shot of Bloom posing with his blue Prius

click here to see what other stars drive!

“Miranda always seems to go to Brandon when she has a fight with Orlando,” the insider tells In Touch. He is her rebound guy.

What?!  Look at Orlando!  Are you crazy?

Wanda found this article in some Oz publication.  Here is my annotated edition.

ONE of Hollywood's hottest couples, Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom (Kerrbloom) is set to reignite Sydney next month when she flies in to make her debut appearance on the David Jones runway.

[Hottest or lamest?   Booyah!]

The sizzling show, Summer In The City, with a campaign shot in the steamy beaches of Rio de Janeiro, is sure to be the sexiest that the store has ever staged. And not only because Kerr's lover will be seated front and centre.

[Oooh.   Summer In The City.   That's like, ridiculously original, David Jones.  The beaches of Rio de Janeiro are steamy?  What?  Are there Sulphur deposits in the sand?  ... Her  fake 'lover' will be front and center like an aging show pony.]    

"We're looking at our schedules at present to see whether we can work it,'' she said, speaking exclusively to Hush from their home in New York. 

[Um, I'm pretty sure Orlando is available.  His schedule is clear from last year till end-times.]

It's obvious that the former Gunnedah gymnast is in lurve but, as for news of an engagement, she insists that she is just "taking it one day at a time''. 

[This doesn't even make any GD sense.]

The major challenge for the couple is finding the time to be together. A recent romantic getaway in Spain was upstaged when the paparazzi stole intimate shots of the semi-naked couple frolicking together in the sun.

[The paps didn't steal shit.   And I didn't see much frolicking betwixt the two of  them.  He was on the phone and she was trying desperately to get his attention by lounging around with no top on.  Didn't work.]

"We chose a boutique hotel there with just 100 rooms to keep ourselves away from those camera lenses,'' Kerr insisted. "But they found us anyway. It was such an invasion of our privacy.''

[Oh they found you?  You mean they weren't ordered to be there?  Bytch you're invading my privacy every time I look up at the TV and see your stinky cabbage head gazing at me through the TV screen.]    

Bloom was, unfortunately, not able to accompany Kerr to Rio where the David Jones campaign was shot at several locations including Ipanema Beach, Copacabana Beach and Sugar Loaf Bay.

[... A fancy way of saying he couldn't be bothered with her juice-fasting dingo ass.] 

"It was just as well that he wasn't there because I had to work so hard,'' she said.

[Doh!]

"There were 30 swimsuits, 250 pieces of clothing and 20 pairs of sunglasses to shoot. But it was certainly a lot of fun, as well.''

[30 whole swimsuits?  Jeebus Criest!  That's too many.  20 pairs of sunglasses?  Good God No!  Let's all be thankful her paws didn't fall off from removing sunglasses 20 times.  Also, it's amazing she didn't develop carpal tunnel syndrome.  I won't even bring up the number of pieces of clothing she had to wear.  Don't laugh!  It must be hard for a four-legged scoundrel to put all this shit on and then take it off all over again.]

Meanwhile, the supermodel has been busily penning Treasure Yourself - her self-help tome for young women encouraging them to look after themselves especially when it comes to nutrition.  She wants to promote the idea that you don't have to be a size zero to be beautiful.

[why don't you simply 'Treasure yourself 'by not buying this shit and also by flinging a cabbage at her head if you run into her in the street.  Or in the woods.]   

Despite the fact that she is so much in demand as a Victoria's Secret model, Kerr is relishing the idea of doing her first show on August 5, as David Jones Fashion Ambassador.  "I think it is really exciting and I am thrilled to be part of such a wonderful show,'' she said.

[Bytch has dollar signs embedded in her irises.] 

"I always love coming home to Australia.''

[That's because no other place in the world can stand your dingo ass. Also 'home to Australia?'  As opposed to ...'home to Saturn?'  Dumb ass!] 

Miranda, shut your face.  Stop talking.  Just stand there and try to look pretty.  Emphasis on the word 'try'.

Have a good weekend, all!  :)

Sorcery

Because I am stupid, silly, and mean, I decided it would be a good idea to keep up a page dedicated to breaking Orlando Bloom and his tainted dingo skank the phuck up.   Wanda and Joders are with me on this.  So I've added a page to the upper right-hand corner.   If you have any suggestions for the name of this new page (ghetto messboard) please lemme know.  The one I picked kinda sucks.

The initial idea for Late to the Party was to write about TV programs, Books, Music, and Movies that me and Tom missed out because of timing or we just never heard about it.  Ideally these will be all things from several years, however in this case I happened to find something that just ended (in December) and wanted to write about it because its amazing.

I've realized that Ricky Gervais is probably the greatest comedy writer in the entertainment industry right now.  For anyone who doesn't know, he along with Stephen Merchant were the original writers of The Office.  A mega hit show on UK's famed BBC channel, which has since been transported to the States and is now having successful run on NBC (4 seasons and counting).  Extra's was Ricky Gervais first writing/producing/acting TV series since the end of The Office.  Extras (and The Office) only lasts 12 episodes with 1 Christmas special.  Which the average viewer would feel like a small tease, but trust me, it almost acts more of long movie.

Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant truly invented that 'awkward' comedy that is so famous now in the US version of the Office.  Those moments where you almost want to change the channel are so cleverly placed while at the same time making you think that those strategic writings are actually improvisations.

It seems that they have perfectly taken what worked so well for previous shows such as Curb Your Enthusiasm and the Larry Sanders show (both prime candidates for Late to the Party).  They've managed to bring in UK celebrities (but most popular in the United States as well) and have them mock themselves or portray themselves in a satirical way against the general idea of what the public think.

For example, Orlando Bloom portray's himself as an incredibly vain actor who loves the attention he gets from his fans and who thinks that he truley is the most attractive actor in the world.  Going as far as to say how Johnny Deep is a 'wanker' and Keira Knightley would have rather killed herself then kiss him.  Or Patrick Stewart goes the opposite route of the general 'gentleman' image he has in public but rather talk about how much he would love to make a movie where he go around and undress women with his mind.  But by far the greatest celebrity cameo is Daniel Radcliffe.  He portrays himself as a wanna-be bad ass, trying to get laid, carrying around open condems in his pocket (or Johnny's as their called).

This is the SPOILER area.

The Series is broken down into 3 distinct parts.  The first season shows Ricky's character Andy trying to work his way up from being just a regular extra on big motion pictures.  Its a season long struggle to try and get a line here and there.  All the mean time he's best friend Maggie (the object of Daniel Radcliffe and Orlando Bloom's affection).  His interactions with his agent Darren are probably the highlights of the show as well.

The second part is him making it to the big time.  In the season finale of Season 1, Andy hands a script to Patrick Stewart.  The script is a pilot he wrote about a sitcom called 'when the whistle blows'.  Andy's ideas are to create a show that has substance and is edgy and funny.  The BBC pick up the pilot but completely change the entire feel for the show.  They make it more slapstick with catch lines and try to appeal to the lowest common denominator.  This season he tries to go out and do different things along with adjusting to being a celebrity and the issues that can cause.  He eventually becomes sick of this lifestyle, even though he has the fame and fortune he despises the work he does and abruptly quits his show while at the peak (reaching 6 million people a week).

The last part was the much needed 'wrap up' Christmas special, which leads Andy to a place he never thought he would end up.  Celebrity Big Brother.  It goes through a flash back of the previous 6 months and shows how he got to that point.  It all concludes with him having a touching monologue talking about celebrity of 'today' and how its like a Victorian freak show.  He ironically has a better chance to go back into the public eye because of his break down, but decides to chose a different path and decides just to give up on the entertainment world all together.

This TV show is amazing, and considering the relatively low amount of time required to watch the entire series (roughly about 7 hours worth of time).  For the average US viewer it is hard at first to understand what there saying all the time.  They talk fast and their lingo can be lost in translation, and some cultural references can just fly over your head.  Although, since watching these episodes I've tried to pick up some of those lingo's and have since tried to say 'mental' instead of retarded.  It just sounds classier then retarded, thank you Ricky Gervais.

Below is Daniel Radcliffe's finest moments from his Extra's guest appearance.

The genius who produces the Kate Bosworth impersonation thingy on Livejournal finally wrote another  damn post.  It's been a while!   They should post more often because I need to laugh.  That person kills me.  They probably think I'm a giant retard for gushing about them so often, but their stuff is damned hilarious.   Mean, but hilarious.   Sorry Orlando, but this made me giggle:

June 28th, 2008

Matthew David McConaughey (pronounced /məˈkɑnəˈheɪ/; born November 4, 1969) is an American actor. McConaughey began his acting career in 1991, appearing in student films and television commercials in Texas before being cast in Richard Linklater's film Dazed and Confused (1993), after meeting casting director Don Phillips at a bar near the University of Texas at Austin. During this time period, he played the neglecting boyfriend in country singer Trisha Yearwood's video "Walkaway Joe". After appearing in some additional small parts in Angels in the Outfield, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Boys on the Side, and the television series Unsolved Mysteries, McConaughey's big break came as the lawyer "Jake Brigance" in the 1996 film A Time to Kill, based on the John Grisham novel of the same name.

2. Jake Gyllenhaal

Jacob Benjamin "Jake" Gyllenhaal (born December 19, 1980, 'dʒɪlənhɑl) is an Academy Award-nominated American actor. The son of director Stephen Gyllenhaal and screenwriter Naomi Foner, Gyllenhaal began acting at 10 years old. He has appeared in diverse roles since his first lead role in 1999's October Sky, followed by the 2001 indie cult hit Donnie Darko, in which he played a psychologically troubled teen and onscreen brother to his real-life sister, actress Maggie Gyllenhaal. In the 2004 blockbuster The Day After Tomorrow he portrayed a student caught in a cataclysmic global cooling event, alongside Dennis Quaid as his father. He then played against type as a frustrated Marine in Jarhead (2005). The same year, he won critical acclaim portraying a role that entered popular shorthand as a "homosexual cowboy"in the controversial but highly lauded film Brokeback Mountain.

Gyllenhaal has taken an activist role in supporting various political and social causes. He appeared in Rock the Vote advertising, campaigned for the Democratic Party in the 2004 election, and promoted environmental causes and the American Civil Liberties Union.

3. Nick Lachey

Nicholas Scott Lachey (pronounced /ləˈʃeɪ/; phonetically: "la-shay") (born November 9, 1973) is an American pop singer and actor who rose to fame in the late-1990s as a writer and lead-vocalist of the boy-band 98 Degrees. The group also included Lachey's brother Drew Lachey, classmate Justin Jeffre and Jeff Timmons. They sold over ten million records worldwide and charted top-forty singles.

Lachey starred in the hit reality television series Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica with his then-wife, Jessica Simpson. The series ran on MTV for four seasons, from 2003 until 2005.

4. Vince Vaughn

Vincent Anthony "Vince" Vaughn (born March 28, 1970) is an American film actor. He began acting in the late 1980s, appearing in minor television roles before coming to wider renown with the 1996 movie, Swingers. He has since appeared in a number of high-grossing Hollywood films, mostly comedies. He is considered a member of the "Frat Pack".

5. Patrick Dempsey

Patrick Galen Dempsey (born January 13, 1966) is a Golden Globe Award-nominated American actor who first became prominent in Hollywood during the late 1980s. He is also known for his role as neurosurgeon Dr. Derek Shepherd (Dr. McDreamy) on the medical drama Grey's Anatomy. During the 2000s, he also appeared in several film roles, including The Emperor's Club, Freedom Writers, Enchanted and Made of Honor.

6. George Clooney

George Timothy Clooney (born May 6, 1961) is an Academy Award- and Golden Globe award-winning American actor, director, producer, and screenwriter. Clooney has balanced his glamorous performances in big-budget blockbusters with work as a producer and director behind commercially riskier projects, as well as social and liberal political activism. On January 31, 2008, the United Nations named Clooney a "Messenger of peace".

7. Matthew Fox

Matthew Chandler Fox (born July 14, 1966) is an American actor and former model. His first major role was playing the older brother and patriarch Charlie Salinger on Party of Five in the 1990s, co-starring with both Scott Wolf and Neve Campbell. He gained much greater fame for his current starring role as Jack Shephard on the hit ABC drama series Lost.

8. James Denton

James Thomas Denton, Jr. (born January 20, 1963) is an American film and television actor. He has been a regular cast member on the television show Desperate Housewives, where he plays the role of Mike Delfino, a plumber who lives on Wisteria Lane and husband of Susan Mayer (Now Susan Delfino) for four seasons now.However, speculations are rife about him not returning to the show for the next season. He had previously been a regular on several television series, including The Pretender, JAG, Philly, The Drew Carey Show, Reba and Threat Matrix. As well he has guested on Sliders, Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place, Ally McBeal and The West Wing.

He also appeared in two movies, Primary Colors and Face/Off, as well as appearing in the TV movie Custody which aired in September 2007.

He performed with Band from TV along with Hugh Laurie, Brad Savage, Larry Thomas, among others.

9. Orlando Bloom

Orlando Jonathan Blanchard Bloom (born 13 January 1977) is an English actor. He had his break-through role in the early 2000s as the elf-prince Legolas in The Lord of the Rings and blacksmith Will Turner in the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy of films, and subsequently established himself as a lead in Hollywood films, including Troy, Elizabethtown and Kingdom of Heaven. Bloom most recently appeared in the sequels Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Bloom made his stage debut in In Celebration at the Duke of York's Theatre, St. Martin's Lane, which ended its run on 15 September 2007.

10. Hugh Laurie

James Hugh Calum Laurie, OBE (born June 11, 1959) is an English actor, comedian, writer and musician. He first reached fame as a cast member of Blackadder and then as one half of the Fry and Laurie double act, along with his friend and comedy partner, Stephen Fry. Since 2004, he has starred as Dr. Gregory House, the protagonist in the FOX drama House.

My non-boyfriend, Whorelando Bloom used to be so ephing beautiful back in the day when he was in love with Kate and everything was great.  Sigh. 

Kate, look what you did!  You let him go and let him fall prey to a dingo!  I'm almost ashamed of you.  By the way, where is Sidi these days?  Did the dingo eat Sidi?!    

Really, people.  I am not crazy.  I am well aware that these pics are damn near three years old.  I'm trying to save Orlando from himself.  He's crumbling faster than day-old cornbread.  If you've looked into his eyes lately, you'll understand that he is in a deep and perfect crisis.  He doesn't know what he's doing!  He's being taken advantage of by a manipulative, fame-hogging mammal.  I'm trying to remind him of what he used to be.

Should the dingo stumble across this post she'll start crying.  I'm sure of it.  She'll start crying and she'll disappear. 

Note to the dingo:  I'm on to you, hobag!     

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

*My bra is stuck to me. That's because it's of the sports variety and I'm of the haven't-changed-it-since-my-hour-long-walk-in-81%-humidity variety.

*Elizabethtown has only been redeemed by the fact that Orlando Bloom is in it. That and the two beers I essentially chugged after my walk ...

* ... becuase that pregnant friend of mine has changed her mind from RU-486 to "I think I'm going to to keep it." This is NOT a good thing. I love her but don't know that I can support her decision.

*I budgeted last night. It scared me. I didn't sleep. I spent two hours in bed worried that I won't be able to go to South Carolina now. This is NOT what I expected.

*I stretched in the rain after my long walk; it was an amazing feeling to be rained on.

*My bank-boyfriend came in today. He's SEVEN years younger than me, owns two houses and two cars, and is TOTALLY polite, smart and kind. I hate that. The girls still teased me about it. I'm too young to raise another guy. Never again.

*Ice cream is over-rated. 12 REAL push-ups and a 4 mile walk in one day are not.

*Tomorrow since the branch manager is out, and it's the day before a holiday, we're being allowed to wear jeans. This has me thrown completely ... I'm getting THAT used to professional dress day after day after day. Too bad I can't wear my flips too.

*Still tracking steps for the contest. I'm over 32K for the past three days. I need to bump that up to an average of 14K a DAY to help my team win the $500 though.

*I'd like to kiss Orlando Bloom now.

Já correm boatos por aí que eu estrelarei Spiderman 5 (Tobey ainda não entrou em acordo quanto ao cachê) e a versão brasileira da série Invasion...
Por enquanto é só especulação... Minha acessoria os manterá informados... rs :P

10th Annual White Tie and Tiara Ball

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actor Orlando Bloom during the 10th Annual White Tie and Tiara Ball to Benefit the Elton John Aids Foundation in association with Chopard held at Sir Elton John's home on June 26, 2008 in Old Windsor, England.

Orlando needs to stop dressing himself in the dark whilst drunk. Maybe since the entire world has seen his naked arse he feels there is no need to color coordinate his shoes with his suit? Is this logical?

Where is Oral B's tiara?

source

Orlando Bloom and Australian supermodel Miranda Kerr have left no doubt they are officially a couple, after they were snapped cavorting naked on a sunshine vacation.

The pair has been romantically linked since last October, but have never confirmed they are an item, despite a recent trip to Kerr's native Australia - reportedly so Bloom could meet the 25-year-old's parents.

But they have destroyed any illusion they are just good friends with saucy snaps, published online, showing a naked Bloom and a semi-naked Kerr strutting around a villa on Spain's Canary Islands.

]]> http://thomay.wordpress.com/?p=708 Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:35:39 +0000 thomay http://thomay.wordpress.com/?p=708 Orlando Bloom and his Victoria’s Secret angel Miranda Kerr are smokin’ hot while vacationing together at the Gran Hotel Residencia on the Canary Islands in Spain over the weekend.

Orly, 31, strutted shirtless in the pool, where he also pulled up his pants to work on the tan on his legs. Miranda, 25, opted for a little topless action to even out her tan. She was seen reading Abdi Assadi’s “Shadows On The Path.” It’s a discussion on the often overlooked aspect of spiritual attainment: the shadow. According to the book, it’s a common misconception for spirituality to be viewed as movement toward the light instead of delving into, identifying and integrating repressed aspects of our psyche.