The good has involved me not having any of the THINGS for two entire nights. I have overcome my associated feeling of terror of the bedroom, which is now more of a room to me than a den of torture (God, that sounds very S&M, doesn't it?).

So that's the good. The bad is a little more problematic. I seem to be constantly feeling sick, which is something I don't really know how to handle. Some people don't like headaches, or toothache, or whatever... everyone has a certain type of illness that bothers them more than anything. For me, it's stomach issues - I am absolutely terrified of vomit, so if I feel even a teeny bit queasy I freeze and deep breathe until I feel better.

But, er, it's pretty much been a case of "nausea all the way!", so unless I want to be still and deep-breathing 24/7, I've had to think of new ways to handle it. Which haven't been that effective, in truth. And just when I thought the nausea was going to drive me officially insane, it stopped. To be replaced not five minutes later with stomach cramps so severe I actually found myself whimpering involunatarily.

Of course, I expected side effects. I've stopped taking a drug I had been on for three and a half years, an incredibly powerful drug that I was on the maximum dose of. And I've quit it cold turkey; no scaling down for me, just a complete stop. I just didn't realise I'd feel this fecking lousy. Both Paul and I have done some reading on the internet and it's all completely expected - it's actually called Quetiapine Discontinuation Syndrome - but that doesn't make me feel any better, does it? (Though it does stop my OCD shouting "STOMACH CANCER!" at me, a bit).

The other thing is my sleep, as expected, is terrible. I haven't actually felt tired for three days, which sounds great, but my body is tired and my mind isn't. When I do sleep, it's not deep, more of trance, and I don't feel rested. The only way I know I have slept is when I see time has passed, and even then it's an hour at a time at the most. I wish I could say this not-feeling-tired lark has left me with endless energy, but it hasn't; I'm lethargic as hell.

The only thing getting me through is when Paul throws his arms around me and tells me how proud he is of me. And the fact that I know this won't last forever, and if I have to go through the physical unpleasantness it is not even a millionth of a percent of how horrific the THINGS used to make me feel. But it looks like we were spot on when we self-diagnosed Quetiapine as being the main cause of the THINGS, so go us, amateur psychiatrists!

In other more normal news, we had a bit of a scary moment when we went to Asda earlier. All of a sudden, the car wouldn't accelerate in fifth gear. I pumped it a few times, got nothing. Shifted to fourth. The engine started spluttering and before I knew it, it seemed like every light on the dash was flashing at me. I had to shift right down to second to get the car to even respond and before long it ground to a staggering halt, though I did manage to get off the bloody MOTORWAY ROUNDABOUT I was on at the time (!)

In the midst of thinking "but Sammy! My lovely new car! Is SHIT!" I realised erm... not much petrol. In fact, not any petrol at all. The light had been on, but in my old car the light meant I had almost sixty miles of petrol left. And erm, I didn't bother to check what was left when the light came on in a Mondeo... and it had run out of petrol. Safe to say I now know that when the light flashes, I have a lot less than sixty miles left.

Miracle of miracles, a petrol station was right by, and after a moment I got the car re-started and managed to coast across three lanes of traffic (thank God for traffic lights) and onto the forecourt. Of course if the car had died again while crossing that traffic it would have been 'see ya Antonia and Paul!', but it didn't, petrol was put in, and all way fine.

All this went on while my stomach was cramping so much I wanted to cry, so... I've had better days. But no THING for two days - I'm declaring this a success, and one day I will look back and say, "God, remember how awful coming off Quetiapine made me felt?" and that'll be the extent of my recollection.

Apart from this blog post.

Erm...

Welcome to my world - where obsessions and compulsions are in command.  Go ahead and read, but beware of the embarrassing truths.

What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?  Check out these links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml

http://www.ncpamd.com/obsessive.htm

(There is plenty of information on Google.)

On Friday of last week, I took Little Man to the mini museum in a town close to our home. I posted this picture to remind me of his reaction to the first building we went into: "Mommy, I don't like it here. It's too dark and it smells funny. Let's get out of here!"

Textbook Sensory Processing Disorder! It's a good thing there were a lot of activities going on outside, otherwise it would have been a wasted trip. I'm learning more and more to let Little Man lead (without letting him always control, if there can be a difference) our excursions. It ends in much happier days for us all. Instead of bending over backwards trying to figure out what might make him happy and what might set him off, I am trying to just let things happen and listen to whatever cues he might give me. The listening bit is tough for a controlling freak like me.

                                                             *****************************

Tomorrow will be our second appointment with the OT. I want to ask her some questions about Little Man's therapy plan.

First, I'd like to know why she's insisting on him doing puzzles from the outside in. Ever since our last appointment (where she first introduced the strict idea of doing the corners first, then the rest of the edges, then the middle), he's been avoiding his puzzles. This bothers me a bit because he's always loved puzzles. Since before he was two. To see him avoiding one of his favourite past-times, because of a therapy that is supposed to help him, really bothers me. I don't want this to sound awfully stern and problematic, because it could just be a coincidence that he doesn't feel like doing puzzles, but I think I'll feel better with an explanation as to why the OT thinks it's so important that he learn to do puzzles this way. I know kids need to learn that sometimes there is a "good" method to a task and sometimes there is a "better" method, but his method was working just fine for him, so why mess with it? We'll see what she says. I want to try to ask it in a non-confrontational way, so as to look concerned and involved moreso than meddling and bitchy. Know what I mean?

Those of you who've had children go through OT, have you experienced anything similar to this? Any answers for me?

Second, I'd like to just approach the topic of Asperger's Syndrome with her. I know that the child psychiatrist ruled it out (after only the first appointment, mind you), but a couple of people have mentioned the possibility to me lately. I truly (I think?) believe that he doesn't have AS, due to his communication abilities and his ability to converse and read facial expressions, but other than that, he does exhibit a lot of the symptoms of AS. Again, I doubt (highly) that it is AS, but now that others have mentioned it again, I feel the need for more reassurance. Mind you, what would be a less daunting diagnosis: OCD or AS? It's kind of a roll of the dice, no?

So those will be my questions tomorrow. I think there might be more, but that's all that comes to mind tonight.

Kia

This page links to a list of German mannerisms and traits described in the GR980 (second world war handbook for German soldiers).

Having read the page I found that many of the mannerisms and traits mentioned were associated with me. Firstly, Thoroughness. As the page mentions Germans have become used to saying "Wenn schon, denn schon", which means if something is worth doing, it is worth doing it right. I usually find myself getting annoyed over small imperfections. I also take considerable time over certain task in order to make sure they are 'done right'. Small imperfections will make me annoyed, unfortunately.

The page also mentions Orderliness. I take pride in making sure my room and work desk are neat and tidy - sometimes to such an extent that objects have to be laid out in a symmetrical fashion.

People tell me that "I need to have fun, switch off" etc... The page mentions that German people have a 'mania for work' and that 'they have no idea of how to enjoy life'. I must say I spend a lot of time doing 'work', and not much time really relaxing. If I am relaxing I usually feel uncomfortable, because I have not done any work for a day or so!

Love of Nature, according to the page is another German trait. I quite enjoy walking through woodlands and although my love of nature is not at a desired level, I feel it is always increasing. By the way, I had these traits, before I even discovered they were German - attitudes towards German people have led me to think whether these traits are accepted by society in a positive way.

Although the page describes the traits as 'positive', I have become confused, mainly due to the fact that people tell me "Not to work too much!" - are these really negative?...or are they just viewed as negative by certain groups of people?

Another interesting point to mention is that I have no links to Germany - my ethnicity is Indian. None of my family members have links to Germany either...strange.

According to the U.S. Headache Consortium recommendations, fluvoxamine may be used to prevent migraine, based on expert consensus and clinical experience. However, evidence is lacking from clinical trials for the use of fluvoxamine for this condition. SSRI-type drugs, such as fluoxetine, have fewer side effects than TCA-type antidepressants and may be an option for people with mood disorders and migraine.

In a study in Hungary, amitriptyline (an antidepressant) and fluvoxamine were tested in 64 people with migraine. Amitriptyline significantly reduced the number of headache attacks, but caused severe drowsiness in many patients. Fluvoxamine also reduced the number of headache attacks but caused only slight side effects. These findings suggest that fluvoxamine may be a viable treatment alternative for migraine prevention.

Ds, Bubby- 7mo., crawled around on their carpets and I felt fine. I don't understand it. I can't stand carpets or rugs that cannot be washed. I do not let our son crawl on them in our home. I hate that he has to crawl on hard flooring, but carpets are gross. You can NEVER get them clean. (insert pukey smilie here).

Going there and them coming back home feels causes me to feel so dirty and ashamed. It makes me feel that I could NEVER have them over. Therefore, I wonder if we could ever be more than just "church friends." There is something about not sharing one's home with others that becomes a barrier in relationships. Too one-sided, perhaps. Going to someone's home is an intimate thing.... you see their preferences... view their photographs, knicknacks... you see how well they clean, etc....

I hope one day we will have a welcoming home. I pray so.

Dh, Love, started "mean talking" when we came in. I can't blame him. He feels depressed and hopeless that I'll ever change. He used to have such a nice home before I moved in. I love Love and will do whatever I can to support a better future and life for Love and Bubba. I deserve it too!

I it okay to covet that?... and on a Sunday at that! I wonder...

Avoiding the cracks in life

Virgo's are the "doers" of the astrological signs. They are practical and focused on finding better systems of doing things. In a way Virgo's need to have something out of order in their life so that they can use their creative problem solving abilities. The Virgo looks for recognition by getting things perfect, their critical thinking abilities and their discerning nature. Of all the signs Virgo has a greater tendency to find practical solutions and implement them. The Virgo emphasis is behavioural and cognitive abilities in contrast to say the thinking and feeling attributes of the Pisces.

Obsessive Compulsive attributes usually involve repetitive behavioural and thinking functions. As you may know, the obsessive compulsive person will continually check what they have just "done" or go about their daily routines by repetitively washing and cleaning. The OC person has a strong inclination to create order and perfection to maintain balance in their world. Some OC people indulge in repetitive behaviours and thoughts to such an extent they develop phobias and fetishes.  Psychology uses the term OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when diagnosing people with pronounced limitations in life which are attributed to behaviours and thinking styles.

Usually the obsessive compulsive person is a high achiever in life. The person sets high standards and works long and hard to achieve results and ultimate success. Why do they need to achieve so much? One answer to that question relates to developmental psychology and a persons early attachments.

If a child is continually given recognition for achieving (doing well) they can develop the belief "I am only ok if I get things right". The child's perception of his or her attachment to the parent involves adapting to get things right for Mum and Dad. The parents would seem to use conditional recognitions which require the child to do well. There are of course other developing attributes for OCD which usually involve anxiety and or depression in the diagnosis.

Descriptions of Venus in astrology are numerous however the most important Venus signification is relationship. Venus along with the seventh house planets will have a bearing on  ones relationship or attachment to others. Keywords for Venus include pleasure love, romance, marriage, attractiveness, beauty, the arts, music, drama, sweet foods, refinement, charm, grace, possessions and luxury.

Venus aims to share and endulge the above attributes primarily with the others because that enhances the attachments to others. Using Venus to enhance attachments is also about pleasing and being perfect in a seemingly beautiful way for the "other". To make ourselves more attractive in order to consolidate our attachments we must do something to achieve that result. I wonder what sort of behaviours and beliefs a young David Beckham developed to reinforce his early attachments? Mr Beckham is known to have OCD in some form and presents with an unaspected Venus in Libra.

The Moon which represents the mother in his chart is emphasised on the midheaven with a trine to Mercury. His mother is the primary caretaker and she taught David communication skills that have reinforced his media representations.

Mercury and the Moon here are good indications of expressing cognitive abilities and reflect his handling of great publicity.  Mercury is in mutual reception to Venus (that is Mercury is in Venus' sign of Taurus and Venus in Mercury's sign of Gemini) and this means the two planets take on attributes of each other. Venus is the ascendant ruler and unaspected means there is no compliance to other planets that may deviate the expression of personality. The unaspected Venus becomes unaccountable for and tends to operate with "self interest" however benefited by Mercury's permission to think beautifully in this chart.

The combination of Moon Mercury and Venus in Ebertins "Combinations of Stellar Influences" states the perception and feeling of love, a sense of beauty,  a beautiful young person, a person susceptible to beauty. David Beckham is always thinking of beauty and form. Apparently David Beckham becomes obsessive with even numbers and he will throw out a can of drink if its the odd number of cans in his fridge.

Jessica Alba is a Perfectionist

Jessica has Venus in Taurus situated near the midheaven in her chart emphasising her need for relationships. The Moon is also angular and positioned on the 7th cusp. The moon in the 7th house denotes a strong need for relational attachment.  Her chart also shows Vesta at the ascendant which would explain her expression of self beauty and perhaps narcissism. Jessica becomes obsessive about her appearance and her ability to attract attachments.

Woody Allen is a self confessed obsessive compulsive which extend to thinking about death and the love of food. Woody Allen is a complex person indeed and rather than delineate the chart functions, one can see his Good Venus in Libra at odds with Mars Pluto.

The Moon is in good aspect to Venus while a foreboding Saturn in the seventh house of attachments is in mutual reception to Venus. In some way his grandparents or other more limited and traditional styles of attachments in his childhood were highly adaptive. This is the "Be Perfect" for others aspect. Perhaps in one way Woody Allen's initial personality adaptations in life has been expressed in his movies containing complex social commentary and dry humour.

Justin Timberlake obsessive about order and neatness

Justin Timberlake's Venus is also in mutual reception to Saturn. His Venus in the sixth house and is square Pluto. His Venus must "serve" in some way and he adapts by controlling and with compliance in his attachments.

Mars in his seventh house shows the adversarial kind of transference with his relationships. He attracts angry and intense attachments and begins to make sense and order in his life. Justin has a complex Moon placement which shows the emotional unavailability of his mother and the compliance of angry attachments. Justin is motivated to please others and tends to obsess about neatness and objects lining up in order. Perhaps he had to make sense of his mothers emotional states and found ways to be supported in childhood.

Mars/Pluto = Moon and Neptune

Kingsley

]]> http://lifechums.wordpress.com/?p=355 Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:05:09 +0000 lifechums http://lifechums.wordpress.com/?p=355 Jane Horrocks was born on 18 January 1964. Jane is an English actress, musician, and singer. While working on Road, a play directed by Jim Cartwright, Jane warmed up by doing singing impressions of Judy Garland, Shirley Bassey, and Ethel Merman, among others. Cartwright was so impressed with her gift for mimicry he wrote the play The Rise and Fall of Little Voice to showcase her talent. Jane's voiceover talents have been used on the big screen in films like Chicken Run (2000), Christmas Carol: The Movie (2001), and Corpse Bride (2005).

Keep visiting: www.lifechums.com/ more Celebrities featuring Shortly .............

Keep visiting: www.lifechums.com/ more Celebrities featuring Shortly .............

I come back home after a long tiring journey and find the computer covers all out of place and the printer sheet thrown away.

I fume, give out a scream, mutter a few expletives to myself and re-arrange things quickly.

I cannot recall when this obsession began, probably way back in class 4 or 5. I had this habit of arranging all my books in a particular manner, largest to smallest neatly stacked in a row, even if one book was out of place, I would keep it back in its original position quickly.

Once I went to a cousin's place in Mysore for a stay of about a month, I opened her wardrobe and found the clothes completely scattered. I asked her if I could clean it out for her and she flatly refused saying she liked her room n wardrobe dirty, which was her trademark! I couldn't stop thinking about the mess and finally when she went out the next day ,shut myself in the room and completely re-arranged all her clothes,co-ordinated color n apparel wise :) proud of my accomplishment, I waited with a big smile to surprise her when she came home. What I didn't expect was her to react with such anger that she threw away all her clothes immediately and made the wardrobe look messier than how it was originally!

In another incident, a hostelite classmate of mine, came home once and admired my organization of clothes, book et all in my room and she insisted I teach her the art of keeping things spic n span. So off I went to her hostel room one day, and taught her how to organize and even fold shirts, t shirts, skirts et all in the neatest manner possible.

Now I have stopped caring about how others rooms look like but if someone even takes n keeps aside a pen in my room, I will know about it the moment I enter.i get paranoid when things are shuffled without my notice in my room and I am not informed! Its complete disaster if my books are scattered, I sometimes even start crying if things are messy and I am too tired/busy to clean them. I think I will either outgrow this habit or grow tired when I get old to keep cleaning everything but until then "Don't mess with my room! "

PS:David Beckham,Cameron Diaz and several other celebs have battled OCD

Keep visiting: www.lifechums.com/ more Celebrities featuring Shortly .............

I've blogged before about problems I have with depression at night. Well, I say 'depression' in truth, I don't know what the hell they are, but I know they make me want to kill myself. This isn't said lightly; my husband is a diagnosed clinical depressive, I know how serious depression is, and I don't say 'suicidal thoughts' flippantly. But seriously when these THINGS (as I will now refer to them) descend, I want to die.

This is odd for me, because I've always been absolutely desperate to live. I know that might sound dumb, but, even more than most people - I want to live. I was about five when I started being terrified about the idea of dying, of not existing anymore. I used to tell myself "well, easy, I'll never die" - and believe it or not, that worked for me right up until I was 18, and my OCD hit, and I realised I am going to die. And that utterly terrifies me and I have always been so desperate to live - it is probably why my OCD thoughts about cancer are so potent.

But when the THINGS hit, I want to die. I just want it to stop. They hit late at night, when I'm in bed trying to get to sleep. It starts with a feeling of cold spreading through me; my first warning. Then the thoughts hit: death, destruction, my death, Paul's death, the cats deaths. Horror. Images flash before my eyes and I ache so much - physically hurt - that I feel like I can't breathe. The only thing that stops the THINGS is eventually getting off to sleep.

So recently, the THINGS became more regular. So regular, I spent the majority of the days terrified at having to go to sleep. I'd stay up later and later, past the point of exhaustion, desperate not to have to sleep. But no matter what, when I went into the bedroom and lay down to sleep, they hit. And they were draining my will out of me.

Some time ago, I made the link between the THINGS and Quetiapine. I was first prescribed Quetiapine three and a half years ago in a bid to help my OCD; it is actually classed as an anti-psychotic and is a powerful sedative. It has never done anything for my thoughts, but over time I became convinced I couldn't sleep without it and became, in essence, addicted to it. Several psychiatrists have tried to take me off it because I clearly only use it as a sedative, but I've always point blank refused. And I was so addicted, even when I made the connection between it and the THINGS (a slow burn realisation that I never got the THINGS until I'd taken Quetiapine), I still wouldn't give it up.

But things have been so horrific recently, I have decided to quit it. I took out all of the tablets, those precious tablets I have been so enthralled with for the past three years, and soaked them in water and crushed them. No temptation. The THINGS were so bad, I'd try anything. The decision equally horrified and thrilled me, but after the events of 72 hours ago, I had to do something.

I don't really want to go into detail, but two nights in a row, I was in hell. Mental hell, that is. I cried, I sobbed, I flailed, I begged Paul to let me die. I think the THINGS, as well as no Clomipramine (my OCD miracle drug) and the anniversary of the murder of my friend Selina - things just got too much. I self harmed, something I have never, ever really done - I've done the occasional scrape when my OCD has been at it's worse, just to see if it helps - but something I felt compelled to do.

There is something about self harming that is addictive and seductive. I smashed a plate and dragged it across my arm. I sat and watched the blood well up and trickle down my arm, absolutely mesmerised by it. I stared at it as if in a trance. It didn't help - it never does - but it did distract me. For awhile. Then the pain came back, and emotional pain is so much worse than physical pain (after shattering my left leg into four different pieces, I think I'm qualified to say that!).

And eventually, when the nights passed - the THINGS never happen in daytime - I knew something had to change. The anniversary of Selina's murder arrived, and I cried so hard I didn't think I'd ever stop. This was coupled with a banking error which left us with no money, no tobacco, no food - it all became too much. The next morning, I vowed things would change, and that's when the Quetiapine quite literally bit the dust.

So last night was my first night without it. I expected no sleep whatsoever; I actually got around eight hours. Clean sleep, my first non-medicated sleep in such a long time. Today, I feel unbelievable - there was no THING, no depression, just sleep in the arms of my husband, a forgotten joy. I feel quite shaky and very... light... like I'm made of air, which is clearly because I don't have a sedative in my system for the first time in three and a half years. I feel fragile physically but emotionally strong. A sense of quiet determination has replaced my air of terror at the prospect of the next THING. And Selina's day has passed.

I hope this is a new start, a return to previous joys. The odd thing is, I'm happier now in my life situation than I have ever been before - but now is when the THINGS were at their worst. Further evidence that my own mind is out to screw me, but hey, Quetiapine helped it a lot. I'm also joining an OCD support group for the first time, a terrifying yet interesting prospect, but I think it's about time Paul didn't have to deal with this on his own.

A note to my husband: I would not have survived the past few days without you. You have been so, so wonderful, a pillar of strength in a time of crisis. Thank you.

So not the usual type of post, but perhaps a reminder that I am still mentally ill. I don't want to be emo or anything, I just wanted to lay the facts down. I feel no shame: mental illness is horrific and until you've been there you'll never know. What I have been through these past few weeks very nearly beat me, but I'm determined, with the help of my husband, my family and my cats, things have just taken a turn for the better.

A toothbrush left hanging around is just asking to be toyed with. A bored housekeeper, with say . . a piece of breakfast in her back tooth may see it and take full advantage of your toothbrush. And probably even the paste, as well.

Or maybe she's feeling a bit more frisky that day and she'll swirl it in your toilet . . just to give it some added flavor. Did you notice the flavor? Perhaps not, but maybe you did.

Do you know where your toothbrush has been?

Do you?

I've been in the housekeeping-service industry for years. I know the ins and outs of keeping a room clean and well-maintained. Housekeepers are the eyes and ears of the hotel. We see all, we hear all . . we even smell all. You'd be surprised at what we know, what we witness and what we would love to forget.

And then you have the cleaning aspect of the job. Is your room actually clean?

Is it?

I'm one of the good guys. My OCD goes a long way in this business because I do care about my job. I do care about what I do. I do care about my abilities to serve others. I do care that the guests are kept clean and healthy. But not all housekeepers care.

That's where I come in. That's what this blog is geared toward. Though I won't tell you my name nor which reputable hotel chain I work for, just know that staying at a hotel . . is not always a good idea.

we are out of 2" white 3 ring binders:

I only use 2" white 3 ring binders for my projects, as pictured below:

if I had an assistant, someone would be headed to Wal-Mart.

It's a list! 

Angels Fall from Gasoline Rainbows

By C.J. Madsen

Local to Texas

iuniverse, 2004, paperback

0-595-32082-1, $14.95, 185 pages

Angels Fall from Gasoline Rainbows features a troubled and depressed teenager, who practices self-mutilation, suffers from O.C.D., hates his classmates, and is neglected by his alcoholic mother.  When his mother dies in an accident, the boy is left to fend for himself.  He is promptly admitted to an orphanage run by nuns after he nearly kills the father of his best friend for repeatedly raping her (of which he witnesses once).   At his new home, he befriends a little girl he feels drawn to protect; and an odd teenage girl with whom he develops a love relationship.  After both teens nearly die from suicide, they become determined to take the little girl, escape from the Home, and start their own life together.

Though this novel is written for young adults, I think the imagery depicted in the book is too disturbing for younger teens (especially those who may be depressed and/or suicidal).  However, I do have to applaud the author's amazing imagination and use of words.  While this book is fiction, I have a feeling that he has drawn on a significant amount of experience from his own early life which he describes as being difficult (according to his author bio).  Only someone who has lived through some of the situations he portrays would be able to write about them so well.

While I appreciate the descriptive wording, at times the author tends to ramble on in random (and sometimes immature) directions.  I also have to mention that I feel he uses the words "crap" and "blah" entirely too many times.  I must warn any sensitive readers that there are a few disgusting and graphic paragraphs in this book.  Despite this, Angels Fall from Gasoline Rainbows is immensely imaginative and interesting; giving an honest look into a distressed teenager's psyche.  I feel any older teen or adult with an open mind will enjoy this book.  I give it four stars.

And this time it's Edward Cullen. Compelled by Sharan's fervent recommendations on her blog [I've known her to have good taste], I bought Twilight by Stephenie Meyer at Odyssey last weekend. I read the blurb at back of the book and a few sentences from the middle as I usually do before buying works of any unexplored authors. I was instantly tempted to buy all three released volumes of the series [Twilight, New Moon & Eclipse] - but I, um, had/have an acute shortage of funds. I'm just praying for someone to be really, really nice to me!

So I began reading Twilight last night, and well, continued reading until I finished the book in a single sitting - at about 4 this morning. After that, I can deeply empathise w/ Sharan's obsessive-compulsive-ness over Edward & the series. Sigh. Gotta love Meyer. :)

Anyway, I can't wait for the fourth book, Breaking Dawn to come out this August. AND the Twilight movie. Starring Robert Pattinson. The guy looks so good, it's almost indecent. Not to mention unfair. And as Edward? Sigh.

I've decided today (again, for the 35698th time) that there's no possible way Little Man has Asperger's. There's way too much eye contact and real conversation and empathy. Today I'm totally back to thinking that it's Sensory Processing Disorder with some possible early signs of OCD mixed in for good measure.

I need to know if something is "normal." Little Man has a problem with me throwing things away. No, no, no, I'm not talking about toys he's outgrown or his rock collection or Pokemon cards. I'm talking about real, undeniable crapshit  garbage.

Here are a few examples:

*dead weeds flowers weeds he picked for me (three weeks ago)

*the plastic bag from the dollar store that we brought our crapshit bargains home in

*the packaging from his Pez dispenser

*the packaging from his Pez candy

*stained, used, chewed popsicle sticks (and YES! I've bought him the crafty kind)

*Freezie wrappers

*Gummi Fruit wrappers

*lollipop sticks

*McHappy Meal toys that broke the same day he got them, 3 years ago

*scraps of paper that are scattered on the craft table, hours after he's already hung his actual craft on the easel

*bird feathers that he's collected from our lawn (and why the feck are there so many bird feathers on my lawn anyway?!)

Do you see what I mean? Can you even imagine the size of the mountain of crapshit garbage I'd be typing under if I didn't sneak around the house at night and steal his treasures so that I could toss them in the bloody bin? I feel like a thief. I feel like a night crawler. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time waiting for the inevitable,

"Mommy. Do you know where my crapshit Pez package is?"

"Um, no sweetie. I don't." (And technically that's true, 'cause once I send the garbage to the curb and it's mercifully taken away in the truck, I really don't know where it is.)

"Mommy."

"Yes, babe?"

"I think you threw it out."

Then, like a guilty thief who gets caught red-handed, I mumble and trip over my tongue as I try to find an alibi or a scapegoat. Oh, the blessed scapegoat.

"I think you should ask daddy if he knows where your Pez package is."

Odd title, huh? All will be explained.

Today I went on a school trip. I have been on some stupid school trips in the past. There was the exciting walk down the road and back to look at houses in Year 7 (for which we needed a permission slip!), the visit to an art museum (I was eight, all we did was laugh at the nude portraits) and who can forget the trip to another school (oh the joy!). But you know what, this one was fun! We went on an activity day, where my group (including Tia and Catelynn) did Low Ropes, High Ropes and Kayaking. The kayaking was the best, except for when I got stuck in the mud. High Ropes was the hardest. There were three wooden planks that you and two team members had to slide along some wires suspended above the ground. The idea was that you got to the other side.

We took a long time to get to the other side, because Catelynn failed to tell us that she was petrified of heights. She screamed all the way across! Tia and I were going:"Come on Cates, just a bit further" etc, but she really didn't like it. I wouldn't have minded if she hadn't been holding my rope as well as her own. She said "Stop moving, Minnie!" and I replied "Catelynn, you have my rope. You're moving me whenever you move!" Finally we did get across.

The other part was a tightrope walk by yourself across the top of the tower. I didn't really want to do it, and by this time Cate was crying, so I said "Catelynn, how about we go downstairs and sit on the grass?" So we did. Poor Catelynn. I don't like heights but I'm not that bad. I'm not scared of very much, actually. But sometimes I think I am very awkward. For instance, I can only eat meals between 7 and 9 am, 12 and 2 pm and 5 and 8 pm. Anywhere between those times I feel like I shouldn't be eating. If anyone ever asks why I'll just say: "Because I'm an obssessive-compulsive with a small appetite." Which is perfectly true. The OCD gets on my parents nerves. They think I'm attention-seeking. I'd rather they didn't look at me actually, but whatever.

From your perfectly still-standing,

Skinnie Minnie xxx