2002

Check out Dave Denniston's website and get motivated  (See the Links at bottom of this page). 

Read Dave's story and follow his daily journey to persevere with his swimming goals.  No Excuses.  JUST DO IT.  KEEP DOING IT.  patti

DAVE DENNISTON'S STORY 

Dave Denniston, 1999 NCAA Champion for Auburn University, and 2003 World Championship Team Member in the 2002 Breaststroke!  On Sunday, February 6, 2005, Dave was in his home state of Wyoming, spending time with his friend Andy Miller.  They were having a great time in the mountains, sledding down some snow-covered slopes, until Dave slid into a tree and damaged his spine.  The accident has left Dave, for the time being, without the use of his legs.This site was created as a way for Dave’s MANY friends to keep up with his progress, to stay in contact with him, and to offer support.As the site grows, there will be more interactive ways for you to share your "Dave" stories, share your "Dave" pictures, talk your "Dave" dirt, and, basically, give Dave a place to come to, where he can tell us all what’s going on... and... where to go!Dave’s support team is HUGE, a true testament to what a great guy he is.  All support is welcome, and please, spread the word about davedenniston.com.We've got a feeling there will be some cool things going on here, and, knowing Dave, we're all going to be laughing with him again very soon.

RELAY ACROSS AMERICA

No, this is not from one of those late-night infomercials on T.V.
This is about doing work you love, work you were meant to do, and earning money more easily as a result. This is the connection between money and life purpose.

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy!”
---Mevlana Rumi

What do I mean by “life purpose”? I mean it as an answer to questions like:
• Why am I here?
• How can I, given who I am, best serve humanity/the world?
• What am I meant to do?
• What lights me up from the inside more than anything else?
• What work would I want to do if earning a living wasn’t an issue?

Many people aren’t aware of their purpose and may think that they just don’t have a purpose. The good news is that everyone has a purpose, yes, even you. What’s more, you don’t need to go searching for your purpose; it is already inside you. It has been guiding you your whole life, whether you are aware of it or not.

Knowing your purpose can dramatically enhance your experience of
life. Purpose-driven people experience more fulfillment, more
success, and often greater financial rewards than other people.
Paradoxically, people who set out to live their purpose often make
more money than people who set out to make money! This is because we are better at doing our purpose than we are at doing anything else and because we tap into the resources of the universe when we are pursuing our purpose. Some liken it to having the wind at their back. They may be applying themselves intensely to their work, but there’s a greater sense of ease and flow than when they do other work that has no relation to their purpose.

Another incentive for knowing and fulfilling your purpose may be anticipating how you want to feel at the end of one’s life: to be able to look back on your life with a sense of satisfaction, knowing that you gave it your all, and that your life made a difference and had some significance in a way that’s meaningful to you. Dying people rarely regret the things they did; they more often regret the things they didn’t do and having a sense of having not fulfilled their purpose.

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2

* I hate to cook. I'd much rather get takeout or eat a frozen dinner than to spend time in the kitchen.

* My dog. I hate the thought of leaving after work right after I come home to go to the gym. She's alone for 9 hours and needs to pee. Leaving when she's so happy to see me is tough.

* Laziness. I'm lazy thru and thru.

* Genetics. I definitely have my fathers fat gene's. :(

Steps to overcome:

* I need to make myself do something, anything, that is healthy for my body. Yoga, a walk around the block. Whatever it takes to start a routine.

* Learn easy to prepare, healthy meals. Make a larger amount and save for throughout the week.

* Involve my dog in my exercise journey by taking her for a walk after work.

* Give myself little rewards for overcoming laziness, like a manicure, etc.

* As for the genetics thing, I have no control over that. I just have to be the best me that I can be.

View my page on Unstoppable Fat Loss

1. Journalism 1
2. Seminary
3. Language Arts 9 Honors
4. Geography Honors
5. Biology Honors
6. Orchestra 2
7. Geometry

There are some good things. First of all, I got into all the classes I wanted, including all three honors classes. That made me really happy that I won't have to go through all the schedule changing again. The only bad part is this: Jessie is going to be in five of my seven classes. And next semester she's going to be in six.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. From an outsider's point of view, this is great. We can help each other with our homework, we'll have a friend in every class, all that stuff. Just the thing is, I am still learning how to be myself. It's been a struggle that I've been working on for years. And the thing is, I need to learn how to be myself without my twin sister around. People don't see me when I'm with her. They only see us. How are people going to get to know the real me with an exact replica around? It's hard for you to be yourself when your clone is right there with you. People who don't have a twin don't realize that. I don't know if this is a blessing or a nightmare. I still really don't know what to think of it.

It's already so hard even when she's not around. It's especially hard when she is. And I don't mean any harm, I love my sister. We're great friends. I just don't want her to always be with me. I'm with her every minute of the day at home, plus going to the same school. Now every class?

I need space. I need space. I need to learn how to be me. Not just be Jessie's twin. This is going to be really, really hard. I don't know how it had to work out this way.

I had to bring my car for service at the dealer this morning and I wasn't feeling so great inside today when I woke up...but of course I got ready for work and headed to the dealership.

When i got inside I was okay at first and I waited to be helped.  Then when I was about to be done with the guy at the counter I didn't feel well all of a sudden and I felt that bad feeling coming on.  I quickly gave him the key to my car and scribbled some incohernet signature on the form and started walking away to sit down.  I felt the swirling fainty feeling coming on and I wanted to be sitting.

I thew my bags on the chair in the waiting area and frantically tried to get my Xanax out.  I knew that it takes time to work but I didnt' care because I felt that I needed to have it in me anyway with the way I was feeling from all of this.

I started dropping Xanax out everywhere with my frantic behavior and shaky hands.  This lady was sitting there waiting too so I ended up looking at and said "I'm not feeling well!" and she asked me if I needed anything.  I had to sit on the floor so I wouldn't faint and fall off the chair and I decided that even if i was embarrased...I had to do that.

I asked her to get me water and she did.  Somehow I didn't faint - but almost was there at that point..the swirling..the clamy sweatiness...the hot then cold feeling was all there.  She told the service guy to get me the water and the one guy came to see if I was okay.  I was sitting up against a chair by then so he didnt see me lying on the floor for two minutes (thank god because that is such a scene)!

He asked me if I wanted to sit in the chair and I "uh, no, I better stay down here."  He left me alone and eventually I got up and sat in the chair.  My color came back as my blood pressure stablized and the sweaty, clamy, cold feeling went away. I felt like crap inside though.  I didn't want to take the Nissan shuttle van to my work so I called my co-worker Imac hoping she was still on her way to work driving.  She answered right away (thank god) and I asked her to turn around and pick me up because I didn't want to take the shuttle at all at that point!

She gladly came to pick me up and drove me to work.  By the time I got there my Xanax has made me so sleepy that I feel asleep sitting up in my work desk chair 10-15 times today!

I'm sure its the medicine but it's also the fact that I didn't sleep enough last night 2am-730 is not long enough!

So today really sucked...

My friend did take me out for dinner which was nice to get out of the house...but I'm pretty down.

Such is life.

]]> http://kingcincinnati.wordpress.com/?p=858 Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:04:36 +0000 kingcincinnati http://kingcincinnati.wordpress.com/?p=858 They actually show up in the Mundane of our lives!

Here is the definition of Mundane - common; ordinary; banal; unimaginative. Sound familiar?

We have to protect ourselves from this place in all areas of life. When things become common or comfortable get ready for the attack. The enemy of your mind wants to kill, steal, and destroy...but he wont do it with this fluffy animal. He will simply make things ordinary and then slowly suck the life out of you.

So today...take the ordinary out of your life and switch it up. Be Well.

My mind is not at rest though!  It isn't at ease with the situation yet.  It's been 5 days without panic but there have been no true tests yet.  Sunday was a plus because I was worried going to the beach would cause one but it didn't.

I was with a friend that I felt safe with so that may have helped put me ease and I never had any panic.  Besides the beach it was an easy quiet week at work.  No meetings to attend that I didn't want to go to, no one bothering me, no lunches where I ate out...I wasn't in any situations that would allow one to come on.

Saturday will be a true test for me...I have things to do that sometimes make me very nervous.  True tests still to come...

Not only did it put into perspective how minute we are in the grander scheme of things, but also how lucky we are that God put life on our planet. 

Now, in a bit of transparancy, I humbly & honestly have to confess something to you.........this information made me feel incredibly STUPID!!!

Has anyone else even HEARD of any of the names mentioned from the 4th photo on? 

(....my goodness, don't embarrass me by pointing it out if I am truly the only one 'in the dark' regarding planets & stars named things like Arcturus, Antares, & Rigel!)

Any-hoo, should any of you be facing a challenging day, this will certainly put things well into perspective :o)

It is rather dazzling to see it presented this way....

 

I CERTAINLY THOUGHT THIS WAS ENLIGHTENING. BEYOND OUR SUN .. IT'S A BIG UNIVERSE.        

 

 

 

 

ANTARES IS THE 15TH BRIGHTEST STAR IN THE SKY.
IT IS MORE THAN 1000 LIGHT YEARS AWAY.
NOW HOW BIG ARE YOU?
------------------------------------------------------------------

NOW TRY TO WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND THIS.........

THIS IS A HUBBLE TELESCOPE ULTRA DEEP FIELD INFRARED VIEW OF COUNTLESS
"ENTIRE" GALAXIES BILLIONS OF LIGHT-YEARS A WAY .

B ELOW IS A CLOSE UP OF ONE OF THE DARKEST REGIONS OF THE PHOTO ABOVE.

 

How big are you?  And how BIG are the things that upset you????? 

 

HUMBLING, ISN'T IT?

 

 

The recurring conversation with a man:

Dude: So your girlfriend lives in Canada? (said incredulously and with a hint of disdain)

Me: Yeah, she lives in Toronto.

Dude: So what the fuck is wrong with you man? You do know there's a shit ton of pussy walking around right here? Why the fuck would you hook up with some chick in another country?

Me: I didn't exactly plan it like that, it just kind of happened. I met her online and eventually fell in love with her, and that was that.

Dude: So how can you consider it a real relationship if you aren't even getting your dick wet? I mean, at least tell me you're getting some strange on the side. You can't go that long without fuckin man, it's not healthy. You gotta respect your dick.

Me: Nope, no tang on the side, sorry to let you down. My dick will be alright. Besides, I wasn't exactly swimming in pussy before I met her. Although now that I think about it, chicks do seem to be much more available now that I'm not looking for them. That's weird.

Dude: Fuck all that, you're crazy man. Suckin' ain't fuckin' and eatin' ain't cheatin', you know what I mean. If she can't take care of you like a woman should you should be able to get some love when you need it. Besides how do you know she isn't fuckin around on you up there? What happens if you find out she's been bangin some guy this whole time and you're passing up pussy left and right. You're gonna regret the fuck out of all those missed chances. Bitches will do that shit, it's not just guys who are dogs. She's probably stringin your dumb ass along getting just what she wants and you're too fuckin stupid to realize it.

Me: Well I don't really know that she isn't fuckin around on me. But then again you don't know what your old lady is doing when she isn't with you. For all you know she could be out sucking dick right now. I'm not worried about it, I'll handle myself, and if I find out she's been banging someone else I'll deal with that when I have to. I trust her, she's a good girl. And suckin is fuckin, eatin is cheatin, just so you know.

Dude: Aw hell no! If she's not slinging pussy your way, you should get it where you can.

Me: So if you go on a week long trip to the beach, does that mean your woman can go fuck whoever she wants?

Dude: No way! But that's not the point. Listen I know this chick you would love. She's good lookin, and she has had a hard time finding good men. She just attracts scumbags. And she's got a ton of money. She's real thick like you like them. She could take good care of you man, trust me, you could land that. Come out this weekend, I'll introduce you two. She's got a kid, but a real nice house. You could probably stay there.

Me: She's morbidly obese isn't she? Why can't she find a good man of her own?

Dude: No no no no, man, She's a little bigger, but pretty in the face. She just attracts the wrong kind of guys.

Me: Yeah, like the kind of guy who would cheat on his girlfriend to sleep with a single mother with low self esteem due to her weight who habitually allows men to walk all over her and use her for money and a place to stay?

Dude: .... .... Whatever man, you're a good guy. You could treat her right. I just can't see how you can be in a relationship with some bitch on the other side of the planet who you aren't even fucking.

Me: Don't worry about my cock, I have everything under control. And besides, I already have my hands full with one woman, I sure as shit don't need another.

The recurring conversation with a chick:

Chick: So you're dating a girl from Canada?

Me: Yeah, we've been talking for ten months, and together for five.

Chick: Awwwwwww. That's so sweet. I bet you miss her all the time don't you?

Me: Yes, all the time. It's rough some days, knowing she's out there but I can't be with her.

Chick: So she came down for a visit right? How long until you get to see her again?

Me: I don't know, at least six months, possible years. There's too many variables for me to put a solid estimate on it.

Chick: Oh my God! So you're not gonna have sex for six months or more? That's insane! (cocks head to the side) Are you really gonna wait that whole time?

Me: I'll wait as long as it takes.

Chick: That is so, oh my God, just so romantic! You must really be in love. She's lucky to have a guy like you. (beginning to flirt) You know my boyfriend just moved away. I just couldn't stay with him in an exclusive relationship. I couldn't go that long without the sexual aspect. Even if it's not serious I just like having someone there to hold me at night, and take care of me when I need sex. (seriously hustling that pussy, batting eyes, brushing my arm, etc)

Me: Uh ... yeah, being alone is definitely frustrating. But I have to keep my eyes on the prize. It took me my whole life to find someone who fit me right, and loved me as much as I loved them. I wouldn't give that up for all the temporary affection in the world.

Chick: (getting the point) That is so sweet. I really hope you two find all the love you are looking for.

Men don't understand how I could seriously date a girl I am not fucking every night. Even men who are married and in love. Even men with long term relationships. It's apparently too much to wrap around their minds. They don't understand why I would not have guilt free sex on the side when there's no chance of it getting back to my woman. I guess they don't understand that I found something so great it transcends sex. Something worth sacrificing everything else for. Something worth saving for. Something worth fighting for. If I just wanted pussy I wouldn't be in a serious relationship to begin with.

Women seem to want what they can't have. They see a man who loves a girl so much he's willing to stay essentially alone for an undetermined amount of time in the hopes that everything will work out alright in the end. And somehow all that lip gloss and jewelry crosses the wires in their head to where they think they can just snatch that for themselves. They don't understand that if they could succeed in stealing me away from my true love for a night they would not be getting the very thing they find so attractive. And they don't understand that I want something so much more than a brief passion and a warm body in the morning.

It's hard defending this thing I call love every day. It's hard trying to explain to people how I feel when they so obviously are in a completely different place in life. But when all is said and done, I know what I have, and I know what it's worth. I know that no matter what I have to do to get it, everything will be worth the sacrifice. I still want to fuck every hot bitch I meet at a party. I wanted too before I fell in love, and my dick didn't stop magically working overnight. I still find tons of girls attractive. I still have needs. The difference is that now I found the pussy to end all pussies. The everlasting gobstopper of love and affection. And if I play my cards right, I'll have something head and shoulders above the trysts that continually left me feeling more alone than before I had a stranger in my arms. The difference is that now I want to wake up to the same face for the rest of my life. And I found the face I want.

Plus VD is a bitch and I hate condoms, but whatever, all that other shit sounded more romantic.

I haven't had anything particularly scary to do though..let's see how the side job I have on Saturday goes and the presentation I have to do next Tuesday.

Then we'll see me under pressure...those are true tests.

Beth Orton - Ooh Child

Ooh child things are gonna get easier
Ooh child things'll get brighter
Ooh child things are gonna get easier
Ooh child things'll get brighter.

Someday yeah, we'll put it together and we'll get it undone
Someday when your head is much lighter
Someday yeah, we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Someday when the world is much brighter.

Ooh things are gonna be easier
Ooh child things'll be brighter
Ooh child things are gonna be easier
Ooh child things'll be brighter.

Someday yeah, we'll put it together and we'll get it undone
Someday when your head is much lighter
Someday yeah, we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Someday when the world is much brighter.

Someday yeah, we'll put it together and we'll get it undone
Someday when your head is much lighter
Someday yeah, we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Someday when the world is much brighter.

Ooh child things are gonna get easier
Ooh child things'll get brighter
Ooh child things are gonna get easier
Ooh child things'll get brighter

I'm fighting it.  And winning, amazingly enough! 

The dance studio classes that I had sooooooo been looking forward to were supposed to start tomorrow.  I hadn't spoken to the owner of the studio since the day I met her (weeks ago).  I hadn't worked out any of the details or found out if anyone had even signed up.  So I emailed her.  Then I called her.  Then tonight, after a few patiently silent days, I dropped by the studio.  I live close enough to play it off like, "Oh, I was just around the corner and thought I'd stop in."  As soon as I opened the door the office manager smiled and was all, "Oh, hiiiiiiiiii.  Not yet!  But I was just about to call you."  Yeah, sure.

So no one has signed up yet, for either of my class times.  And I turned down another offer this morning to teach somewhere else because it would have been a conflict with my Saturday class there.  And they probably weren't "just about" to call me or answer my email.  That would have been the polite, professional thing to do but I doubt they were going to do it.

But I'm fine.  I'm actually totally fine with it.  I told her I would keep the times open and keep it up on my website and she said they would do the same.  And part of me thinks it's, technically, a bummer.  Part of me thinks I would be justified if I pouted about it or thrashed around in frustration instead of sleeping well tonight.  But I won't.  I'll be fine.  Because I know there is a reason.  I know it.  There always is.  And I am grateful for that.

This definitely calls for a little dancing Ganesha.

Yesterday included an hour long trip to the beach, a long walk to get to the beach carrying lots of things, only 1.5 hours on the beach due a giant storm coming, and then a relaxing evening hanging out.

Today got up, went to work...came home.  Uneventful...which is a good thing!

So, 2 days and no swirling crazy feelings. Let's see if things can get better from here.

YAY.

The quoter-full of quotes of sutras, dharma talks, and famous sayings. If supplemented by commentary, which is rarely the case, it is usually very brief and full of Pali and/or Sanskrit and/or Chinese and/or Japanese terms (often with diacritics and original language characters) which the ordinary reader would not understand.

The paraphraser-rewriting the books, articles etc. that have been read without adding any personal insight.

The intellectualizer-combination of quoter and paraphraser but will dwell upon one concept for a long treatise and come to no conclusion.

The Buddhism confuser-often talks about right and wrong or "sin"and imposes a pre-existing non-Buddhist moral/religious/social structure onto Buddhist teachings.

Flower child Buddhists-leafy poetry at length

Those are just a few of the catagories that sprung to mind as I read. What strikes me about all of them is a lack of understanding of the subject matter of Buddhism. In all cases they are a superficial gloss that may sound authoritative but miss the exact points they are perhaps hoping to explicate.

I don't know if this is due to getting Buddhism from books, popular culture or friends rather than teachers or if it is a symptom of a greater problem in Western Buddhism in general.

It is a lack of depth that seems to be the main issue. As Edie Brickell so aptly intoned "Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep." in the song What I Am, some folks seem to panic when the subject starts to overwhelm and just stay in the safe zone rather than dive deeper.

Buddhist concepts take time to understand fully. And they take serious thought and a certain amount of willingness to self-reflect.

This reminds me of things I learned in my martial arts training. Some people advocate practicing the same kata (form or series of coreographed movements) for 5 years or longer. The point is to obtain a deep understanding of each movement itself and each movement as it relates to the others. And then the point is to understand how each of these movements works in actual application. That is in relation to an opponent or series of opponents. It continually expands outward through understanding the interactions. But it begins with learning the individual movement itself well.

Buddhism is like that too.

There is some hope on this front however. A couple of the blogs really took their issues on and wrestled with them from personal perspectives. People discussed how Buddhism applied to their ordinary lives. They had actually thought about it beyond making food choices or how many hours per week to meditate or what to wear to the next sesshin. And the application of it in every aspect is what comprises a Buddhist life rather than a Buddhist lifestyle.

The trick is, know when to walk away. I looked at several books yesterday, and by the time I finished, I was sure I couldn't write my name, let alone a decent novel. I stopped, took a sip of coffee, and closed the book. There are times when advice is just one more thing you have to conquer. There's a fine line between helpful and harmful.

I did bring a new book home though — How to Write Killer Fiction: The Funhouse of Mystery and the Rollercoaster of Suspense. The main reason I bought it was to learn more about story arc. The story arc gives your novel structure, a concise beginning, middle, and end. Specific things need to happen in each segment of the arc. If these things are missing, you will either abandon your novel in the middle because you're trapped by poor decisions you made in the beginning, or worse yet, your readers will abandon the novel. A good story arc ensures the proper pacing to carry your readers from one page to the next and leave them craving more.

To paraphrase Wheat's book, these things should be elements of the beginning:

• Introduce the major characters.
• Show what each needs/wants.
• Establish the setting.
• Explain the problem or situation.
• Introduce your subplot if there is one.
• Use a catalyst to get things moving.
• NO FLASHBACKS. Tell only what the reader MUST know.

Arc One ends in the crisis that will push the main character to make a decision to pursue a new goal.

The following things should be present in Arc Two:

• The main character must be tested and forced to learn new skills to accomplish goal.
• The main character can't win yet. He/she must try, fail, try, fail again.
• Perceived gains must result in a far greater losses.
• Subplots should be heavily underway and nearing breaking point.
• Gaps between what characters want and what they need must be wider and more clearly drawn.
• A timeline, or ticking bomb, must be established. X must happen by [TIME] or Z will happen.

Arc Two will end with the main character hitting bottom with nowhere else to go. Taking action is no longer a choice; it's a necessity to accomplish the goal. The main character must become emotionally invested in the outcome and desperate to achieve success. He must let go of the failures and move forward.

These things should happen in Arc Three:

• As the pace gets faster, words, sentences, paragraphs, should grow shorter to heighten drama.
• Threads are beginning to diverge; subplots are solved.
• The bomb is ticking even faster. Time is running out.
• Things are getting worse and worse for the main character. They may not win.
• Their desire to win at all costs is more clearly shown.
• The character must see the wide discrepency between what he wants and what he needs.
• He must finalize his training and be prepared to face the final showdown.

Like Arc One, Arc Three will end on a crisis. The main character will be forced to make a major decision. He has hit the bottom and realizes there's nowhere else to go. He must face his demons head-on.

Arc Four: This is where it all comes together, the final confrontation takes place, and the hero either wins or loses. (In most cases, the hero wins, having overcome incredible odds and therefore having shown himself worthy.)

These things must be present:

• There must be a final confrontation.
• All odds are at stake.
• You fulfill your contract with the reader, delivering what was promised in Arc One.
• You play all your cards, using everything you've laid out in previous chapters.
• Your character is no longer the person we met in the first Arc. They've changed inside and outside.
• The character uses his new strength to do something he couldn't do in the beginning.
• The subplot either parallels or contrasts the main plot. The suplot's point must tie in.
• Echo the beginning, using a setting or situation from Arc One, to bring the story full circle.

Using this advice, I can see a few new problems that have arisen in Cowgirl Up. I have a lot of flashbacks in the first few chapters. I don't clearly establish what my characters need and want. My subplot isn't established. For the moment though, I'm going to move forward into chapter six as if those items have been settled. There's a point when you have to stop rewriting and finish this draft. There will be another.

You're not unlike your character in this respect. You desperately wanted to write a novel for whatever reason. You sat down at your desk and began creating a new world and populating it with interesting people. You read a book, heard a conversation, or experienced a life event that said now is the time. Not next week. Not next year. Not someday. Now is the time to get serious and write.

You begin writing and you fall in love with these new friends. You care about them. You want to see them succeed. But every time you sit down to write, the kids need to something. Your husband needs you to iron his clothes. Your boss dumps a pile of files on your desk and expects them tomorrow. The dishwasher breaks, and the toilet overflows. You keep working on your book, but the more time you devote to it, the more the house, your job, your relationships, spiral out of control. It seems incredibly hard, if not impossible, to finish your book. Every event that happens is worse than the one before. You must make a decision — do you want to write this book more than anything in the world, or do you want to give up and forget about it? Many people choose the latter. Will you be one of them?

You decide to keep going. You're sitting in the eye of the hurricane. It's too late to get out. You've got to finish this book before you lose your mind and your life goes to hell. You have to keep going.

You push forward. You've figured out how to juggle your real life demands and still make time to write. You've figured out where your book has gone astray , and you have a decent idea of how to fix it. You can see the end, and you're starting to get euphoric. You're going to finish. You've wanted this all your life, and you conquered a battle many of lost. You've written a freaking BOOK.

You throw a party, tell all your friends, have a celebratory glass of wine, or just sit at your computer staring at this wonderful thing you've wrought. Sure it needs work. Of course it's not over yet. It must be polished until it sings. It must be so tightly wound that nothing can unravel it.

And so begins a new stage, an entirely new novel: Editing. Revisions. Complete rewrites sometimes. Embrace it. Get excited about it. Lay out your plan and follow it to the end, because you know there's an end now. You're stronger, better, more experienced. And by the time you finish the editing process, you will be even more so.

Guess what? After you complete that new novel in your writing life, so begins yet another: The search for publication.

If you can understand this, you won't rail so hard against the obstacles. Your characters made it through theirs, and so will you. Push forward, writer.

Along with each obstacle, there are a set of ways to overcome it.  Only one way is the correct way, but how do you know which one that is?  The first option would be to avoid whatever is causing the problem.  We are going to use the illustration of a car going off the side of the road to avoid a speed bump.  The second option would be to try to defeat whatever was creating the problem.  This would be the car gaining speed to hit the bump, so the suspension would take the jolt.  The last option would be to take the obstacle, in this case, a speed bump, and deal with it as it was intended.  Illustrated by the car slowing down to take the speed bump, and speeding back up after getting past it.  Now how do you know which option is the right one?  How do you decipher right from wrong?  You must analyze the situation, and trust that God will make everything work out okay.

Choosing the first option, avoiding the bump, would be most people's choice.  However, is this the right choice?  Just think about it.  One of these times, there is going to be something that causes the car to lose control.  When the car loses control, the driver, in our lives, God, has no control over the direction of travel.  Most times, the car goes where we don't like it to go...  Crashes into something.  See, when you try to avoid the obstacles in your life, there is always the danger of spinning out of control, and walking away from God.

The second option, attacking the obstacle, often turns out worse than the first.  When we try to speed up, so when we hit the obstacle we don't feel anything, it carries a bigger risk.  After a while of speeding over obstacles, the suspension in our lives gets worn out, breaks down, and fails completely.  This can only turn out one way.  You give up.  You get tired of having to deal with the obstacles that God places in your path, so you give up; you walk away from God.

Taking the third option would be the only way to ensure that we are safe.  When we slow down and take the obstacle as it is, we show God that we trust in him, we show him that we can persevere through him.  When we let go of our lives and let Him control them, we are reassured that everything will work out.  When you let go of the controls in a car, what happens?  it slows down; yet, it doesn't stop!  It continues on in the path that it is headed.  When you slow the car down to take the speed bump, there are no hard hits on the suspension, and there are no chances of spinning out of control.

The next time you are in a situation like this, which will you choose?  Will you take the chance of crashing, or causing your foundation to collapse, or will you turn the situation over to God, trust in him, and let him get you through it?  Psalm 37:24 says:  "though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand." Even though we are tired and ready to give up, God is there to hold us, to help us back to our feet, and to get us through any situation.  Which path will you take?

I was fine until the time got closer and closer to when I had to get ready to go out and meet a friend and her husband at 6pm.   I was doing a favor for them and had to leave by 5.  For a few hours leading up to getting ready I just didn't feel like myself. I felt nervous inside and I had no reason to at all.  I was meeting up with my oldest friend out of any of my friends (I'm talking pre-school old friend).  I am never nervous around them but today I was nervous and anxious overall.

I asked SingleChildhoodfriend to go with me and she agreed. I thought better of driving and hour alone feeling like this and I needed her help anyway for the favor I was doing.

When we met up with my friend I was instantly feeling that anxious feeling again and I just kept trying to push myself to do what I needed to do.  I felt like I wasn't going to be able to do that on my own and it was like my hands were shaking so I decided I would take a half of a Xanax.  I have the most mild Xanax as it is so a half probably did nothing for me but I didn't want to feel dopey when I had work to do for them (I apologize...as you can tell I'm keeping things very vague because since this blog is anonymous I don't want to give toooo much away as to what I was doing for my friends as a favor).

Anyway, so I took the half a pill and we went on our way to do what I needed to do...and halfway through I felt anxious again and I was in the middle of working with them and I had no choice but to push myself through it.

I made it through but it was still frightening how this terrible feeling can happen anywhere.  I hate it.  I can't expect people to come with me every time I have something to do.  I have to be able to go back to being able to doing things alone....big things and small things like going to the supermarket.  I know I will have to do that again very soon because I'm virtually out of things to eat and I have to force myself to go...and I think I have to do it alone to get past the fear I have of going back there and walking down the aisle where the panic and fainting happened.

I can't believe that I have had a panic attack almost every single day since last Sunday.  The only day I didn't was when I worked from home one day...and of course I didn't then..I was home in my comfort zone.

So...that's how I am today... I will say that I can't believe this is happening to me... It makes no sense to me...  I know I am going through a lot but this is out of control... I've had anxiety for over 10 years but never everyday of my life... nothing close to this by a mile...

Time marches on... soon I will be better... I know it...  Because I have to... I can't any get worse.  I am patient and I have to keep marching on because if my spirit breaks then I am in serious trouble.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it.

-W.W. Bartley

First of all, he is my boss' son so if we break up or get mad at each other, our work situation might become awkward. The worst case scenario is that I can lose my job, which would really suck since I like it very much.

Second, he is Muslim, and he therefore have quite strict restrictions when it comes to dating. Moreover, I KNOW his parents. His father is my boss so just imagine how AWKWARD it would be if he caught us making out!

Finally, I had decided that I would stop dating for a while since I am sick of relationships which do not work out.

Well... the last one is not really his fault so I do not know if that counts. On the other hand, I do not know if it really is a date. I mean, we had talked about the movie this summer and it might be just an invitation as friends, right? Is going out with a guy to catch a movie automaticallyqualifies as a date? I am a big girl so this should not be so difficult, yet, I am confused... I like him a lot, I really do, so one part of me would like it to be a date, but the other part sees all the obstacles, so I guess he must see it too...

Today was another amazing weather day so I desperately wanted to do something outdoors.  My mom called and asked what I was doing because she had off as well.  I told her to come over, we'd go to lunch and find somewhere to go for a rider after lunch.

We went to lunch in a great little college town by where I live at a nice restaurant.  Everything was fine until we sat down at the table with our menus.  Yes...until then.  That's when I started to feel the anxiety rising in my insides again.  I told my mom immediately and she completely understood because she suffers from anxiety too.  I tried to concentrate on my menu but I couldn't focus on one word the menu said.  I knew the waitress would be back again and I had no idea what I was going to order because I couldn't even see any of the words.  My mind was a mess.

My mom acted like moms do and told me to forget about it think about something else (which is virtually impossible when you're me).  It was so strange...the feeling.  It wasn't as bad as it could have been but it was happening.  It's so hard to describe the feeling if you never had a panic episode in your life.  It's overwhelming and your mind just can't let go...it drifts off into a world of fright and fear of what will happen next and you feel like you're spiraling out of control even if you're sitting still in a chair (at least for me it does).

I was in a nice restaurant, sitting by the window, on a beautiful day off from work with my own mother (the safest person to be with in my life).  So, why was this happening to me?  I think it was mind over matter.  It's been happening so much more lately and I think that my mind is creating these episodes for no reason because it's all I've been thinking about lately.  I think it's because I'm walking around so upset about what has been happening to me, wanting them to go away, waiting patiently for my medicine to work, that it's almost as if I'm thinking about anxiety all day rather than trying to forget it and enjoy my life.  Mind over matter...that's all it is.  And my mind has a stronger will than my personal will to want to enjoy my life and not be afraid.  My mind is more powerful then I can control right now and I'm trying to be patient and waiting for all of that to change.

Today I sat there and decided I needed to try something to fight this terrible feeling inside my body.  I don't get the tingly, sweaty, chest pains or heart palpitations like others do.  I feel a swirling dizzying feeling and when it gets to far I hear a ringing in my ears and black out/faint.  I wasn't letting that happen today.  NO WAY!

I tried tightened up my whole body like a kid does when they don't want to do something.  I don't know why I tried that but it was like I was trying to fight the feeling by clenching up my body...like squeezing out the bad feeling.  I also found myself rocking slightly (not to where anyone would notice) but a slow forward and backward movement to try to calm myself.

My mom thought I was breathing fast and I told her I wasn't.  She told me to take a Xanax and I refused.  I said that I had never had one before and I don't know how I would react.  She said don't worry you'll be fine.  I told her I can't not worry...that's what I do!  And then I regretted that I had never tried a Xanax at my house just to test how they felt in a safe environment.  Eventually my mom convinced me I would be okay and I threw all my caustious behavior out the window and took one.  Once I swallowed it I said to my mom "too late now!"

Twenty-five minutes later I felt a little dopey but not as bad as Klonopin used to make me feel (my old "on the spot" panic medicine).  My mom was shocked that it made me feel a little loopy/cloudy because it is only .025 mgs. which I think is the smallest dosage.  I was still functional and enjoyed my meal and felt NORMAL again.  I didn't care if I was a little out of it because I was better.

After lunch we walked around town for a little bit enjoying the weather and I even ran into an old college friend who coincidentally lives close to me.  It was nice to see her and chat for a few minutes.  Despite another episode the day ended good...which is a positive.... I just wish this would stop because I don't want to fear doing things... I want to be happy and life a normal happy life, carefree, with no regrets.  That's all I want.

Wednesday I was fine until lunch time when I didn't feel so great in my stomach.  I ate something plain and took it back to my desk.  Then my friend called me to ask what happened to me and I told her the fast version of the past couple week's events since she didn't know.

While I was talking to her my stomach started to turn and I got anxious.  I told her I wasn't feeling well and she came to the conclusion that maybe it was because I was talking about the whole thing and I couldn't argue that because maybe she was right.  We changed the subject and I eventually felt better.

Early this morning I met with my "interim" boss.  I told her all about my issues and she was wonderful, just as I knew she would be because she is a great person and she likes me a lot which makes me feel safe.  Safe because there are a lot of changes going on in my division within my company and I need to NOT lose my job on top of everything else I am losing lately.

She was so understanding and said that her husband suffers from anxiety attacks as well so she understands more then others would...more them my former assh*le boss would ever understand, who I suffered with for 5 years.  She was so supportive and I felt good and SAFE at work for now.

Then later today was a whole other situation.  I met my friend for lunch at Panera Bread.  He first suggested Friday and don't ask me why I just felt like I could not go there.  I have no idea why I was blocking out Fridays as an option but I was.  He finally agreed on Panera, I left the office, went to Panera, walked inside, saw that it was a mod scene, got on line and waited because I didn't see him there yet.  While I was standing there I started to get the swirling feeling in my stomach and my head again.  I thought to myself - NO NOT AGAIN!!!  I tried to stay there on line and call my friend but he wasn't answering which I think made me more upset...but I stayed there in line.  Eventually I tried him again, didn't get him, and I decided that I HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE!

I left and went outside and then I decided that I wanted to head to my car and sit there til he came and tell him that I CANNOT go inside there.  As I was walking to my car I saw him and I was relieved that I had him there when I felt like this.  He was upset about something, I let him talk, and then I told him what happened.  He felt so bad for me but he is one of the people who has been through this personally and was on Lexapro.  He hugged me and I started to cry.

Of course he wasn't making me go into Panera Bread after that.  He decided that we'd get in his car and go somewhere else.  We actually took a long drive to a restaurant I like and the long drive helped me to calm down quite a bit.  At that point I didn't care how long I was away from work.  By the time we got to the restaurant I was 80% okay but felt safe with him because I knew he 100% understood what I was feeling and would take care of me in a heartbeat.  I didn't have the hugest appetite but I got soup & an appetizer and we talked and hung out.  He paid for lunch which was very sweet and then drove me back to my car.

When I got back to work my morale was a bit down in the dumps but I made it through the day with the hopes of a better future for myself.

Then, for the very first time. I decided not to allow this person to rule over me and put me down even to the fact that he always told me that I JUST WANT U TO LEARN. bECAUSE AS I THINK IT OVER, I DIDN'T LEARN anything.... and for this another time GOD MADE ME FREE AGAIN AND RESCUE ME AGAIN FROM THE PEOPLE THAT I CANNOT PROTECT MINE SELF. God is GOOD all the time. Even thou we are not faithful enough to HIM, but He is always will. He always care. And He is the same, today,yesterday and tomorrow. I encourage u to put ur trust in HIM... SHALL U???

Steps

1. You NEED to have a pair of gripping shoes. Skate shoes work exceptionally well for this. The shoes are the backbone of freerunning.
2. Get some elbow pads / knee pads. Sure, they may look dorky, but they can protect you from high falls.
3. You must keep your body in good physical condition. Fatigue is the difference between jumping over a roof or breaking your neck.
4. Practice makes perfect! Try some simple moves such as the monkey vault (putting your hands on a rail and hopping over, bringing your legs up through th gap in your arms), or practicing hanging on ledges and climbing up. This develops your muscles and can help you when running

Tips

• This can be dangerous, so if you are a beginner you may want to start off small.
• Don't try anything you're not too sure of.
• It is not advised to go to the rooftops unless you're an expert.

Warnings

• This is dangerous in some situations and could possibly be deadly. Make sure you have utter confidence before you do anything you think might be dangerous.

Things You'll Need

• Running shoes. They should have treads and fit pretty tightly, so they won't hinder your running ability. Try Basketball shoes, or ask for shoes with a lot of grip.
• Loose clothes. You should be able to move around with unlimited flexibility.

Related wikiHows

• How to Get Fit by Playing Fun Sports
• How to Jump 6 to 12 Inches Higher and Run Faster
• How to Use Audio Books to Get the Best from Your Workout
• How to Run in a City Without Sidewalks

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