We ate Indian, spinach, onions, shrimp, rice, dal, cauliflower, potatoes, no cream in the sauce, lychee juice (no sugar) and tealuxe pots of teas (copley vanilla black tea with a spot of milk - absolutely delicious). I had some cheese and a few non regulation crackers, will have to give away the rest and stay away from the flour. I hope my relation pulls through and does not suffer anymore. All I can do is show up healthy and awake and offer love. That's enough. I'm enough.

                                             Menu outline used for the first 90 days.

BREAKFAST

1 protein
1 fruit
1 tsp. butter, margarine or oil

LUNCH

1 protein
1 vegetable
3 pieces of raw vegetables or 1 cup of salad/vegetablegoo
1 tsp. butter, margarine or oil

DINNER

1 protein
1 vegetable
2 cups salad
2 Tablespoons of salad dressing
1 tsp. butter, margarine or oil

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
                                              Menu outline for continued weight loss after first 90 days.

BREAKFAST

1 protein
1 grain (optional)
1 fruit
1 tsp. butter, margarine or oil

LUNCH

1 protein
1 vegetable
1 cup of salad/vegetable
1 grain (only if not eaten at breakfast)
1 tsp. butter, margarine or oil

DINNER

1 protein
2 cups salad or 1 cup salad and
1 cup cooked vegetable
2 Tablespoons of salad dressing
1 grain
1 tsp. butter, margarine or oil

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

H.O.W. FOOD LIST

Protein 4 oz. tempeh, fish, ricotta cheese,16 oz. skim milk, 16 oz. buttermilk, 8 oz. yogurt, 8 oz. tofu,
2 oz. cheese, 4 oz. cottage cheese, 1 c. legumes

Fats 1 tsp. butter, 1 T. cream, 1 T. sour cream, 1 T. oil, 2 T. salad dressing

1 Cup Veggies alfalfa sprouts, artichokes, asparagus, bean sprouts, bok choy, broccoli, bamboo shoots,
brussel sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, celery, chard, cucumbers, eggplant, greens,
dill pickle, lettuce, kohlrabi, mushrooms, okra, pea pods, parsley, peppers, radishes,
red or green chilies, sauerkraut, spinach, string beans, summer, crook neck or spaghetti
squash, tomatoes, turnips, zucchini

1/2 Cup Veggies beets, carrots, onions, pumpkin, rutabaga, Jerusalem artichoke, water chestnuts,
winter squash, jicama, leeks, parsnips

Fruit 1 apple, 3 apricots, 1/2 c. black & blueberries, 1 c. boysenberries, 1/2 cantaloupe,
1 c. casaba, cranshaw or honeydew melons, 2 figs, 3/4 c. cherries, 1 c. gooseberries,
1/2 grapefruit, 1 guava, 2 kiwi, 2 lemons or limes, 1/2 mango, 1 nectarine, 1 orange,
1 c. papaya, 1 peach, 1 pear, 1/2 c. canned or 1/8 whole pineapple, 2 plums,
1/2 c. raspberries, 1 c. rhubarb, 1 c. strawberries, 2 tangerines, 1/2 c. unsweetened juice,
1 c. watermelon

Whole Grains 1 oz. (EZEKIAL) bread, 1 oz. dry cereal, 2 rye crackers ( 3 1/2 x 2), 1/2 c. cooked cereal, cooked (EZEKIAL) pasta, brown rice, kasha, millet, barley, bulgar

Condiments all spices, onion soup mix, 1/2 c. tomato sauce,  soy & worcestershire sauce, salsa. 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

With literacy and war-conquests-slash-oppression on the part of literate groups, orality became devalued as "official" history in most of the mainstream, dominant, Western societies.  Non-literate or illiterate people and groups have largely either been written out or written *about* in what we now deem to be literature and history. (Please forgive my rushed-through and simplistic history of the conquests of literacy-based-culture here…this is just the context part of the post!) With mass printing, the privilege bar to produce, distribute and preserve was reinforced, perhaps nudged a bit, right?  Certainly by the 20th century just writing something down was rarely enough to incorporate it into official narratives of "history"; the writing had to be adjudicated and then reproduced by a professional publisher, preserved by an archivist, or otherwise selected by someone with societal power.

I went to undergrad in 1994.  It was a heady, exciting time, especially if you worked in a library, as I was fortunate enough to do.  The Internet had just gone public!  Netscape and Mozilla were battling it out!  Web 2.0 was already being foreshadowed by innovators like Crayon (remember CraYoN - Create your own newspaper?  Early mashup, back in ‘95!). All the street-level activists in my circles were xeroxing radical zines on their temp job office photocopiers, and the Internet was going to democratize the world! Anyone could publish their work and reach the whole world! Well, anyone in the portions of the world that had electricity at least.  Or at least the literate portions of the world that had electricity...

< - -time warp here- - >

Now, we have these amazing Open Access repositories forming, and we have increasing numbers of people creating and sharing content online. I’m particularly excited about and interested in the community-based archiving projects that are popping up. (**Note to self: write a post about some of these cool projects soon**)

BUT, I have a big concern. I think we’ve all outgrown the “the Internet is going to democratize the world!” phase by now (yes? no?), but I don’t think we’re paying adequate attention to the fact that this migration of “scholarship” and preservation – basically the bulk of what will be tomorrow’s “history”  - is reinforcing the exclusive nature of historical preservation.

We are beginning to see documentation of the same type of hierarchical dynamics in online content generation as we do in printed matter.  I’ve seen recent scholarship focused on the male-female gender gap both in scholarly self-archiving and in creative digital media sharing.

I know most of us aren’t purposefully torching the libraries of our enemies and competitors.  And I don’t want to question the very sensible move of scholarly communication into online, open access format.  But I would like to talk with more folk about how we can hark back to our idealistic 1994 mentality and regain those ideals, if not the naïveté, relating to the potential that digitization holds for the whole of society.

Academic libraries are working fast and furious toward digitally archiving their institutions’ scholarly output.  I think there’s a place for public libraries to serve an organizing function in the community in terms of creating public history. A public history project, perhaps.

Public History Project…I kind of like the sound of that.  Too bad the acronym's already pretty much "taken."  Maybe if we slap a "Canadian" on the front end or some such...

Of course, it’s easy to spout off about, and much harder to actually figure out the nuts & bolts: How to you ensure broad community representation?  What do you do with communities that don’t want to participate? How do you select what is of long-term value – or do you at all?  Is that up to the communities themselves, perhaps?  Do you allocate more space to groups under-represented in formal histories and scholarly communities?  Is there content that is unacceptable? What about illegal stuff?  Who’s responsible for the maintenance?  And where does all of this…stuff…reside, anyway?  What formats can reasonably be accepted and preserved? Should the government be involved in this?  What about private funding?  How do you keep things impartial?  Should you strive to keep things impartial?

Despite all of this chaos in my mind about the details, I do think that public libraries are uniquely suited to facilitate a public history project: something technically based on open source software, and developed in coalition with community groups.  And, frankly, perhaps in collaboration with academic libraries, who are doing TONS of work already getting Institutional Repositories up and running.

What are your thoughts?

-Greyson

Today's Action
Today I will make a list of three people or things that know more about recovery than I do. I will circle the one I trust the most.

1.) My Sponser
2.) Mary
3.) Susie.

Obviously I'm going to circle my sponser. I trust her the most. :-)

Not only did I promote for the O.A.R street team, I helped with the inaugural year of the Green Dream. This was O.A.R's way to get people to start thinking about the environment. So look out at future concerts for people handing out 20% cards to the online store when you recycle at the venue. Plus the cards that I handed out were permeable and made with seeds so it can grow in the ground. Got to meet with Benj and Marc before and after the concert. They are super cool dudes and said the night was perfect.

Also "Wonderful Day" by O.A.R is featured in a new Ford ad which is kinda cool.

"The only time you find success before work is in the dictionary."
-May V. Smith

Today's Action

What are three things I can do to improve the quality of my recovery today? I will call my sponser and commit to doing them today.

Ok. Not only does this work in my recovery, but literally with WORK. I'm so unmotivated that it affects my recovery and my motivation to get a job. Of course I'm a substitute teacher but in no way is that a five day a week job with a steady paycheck.

But going back to the action of the day, I think I already did three things today to improve the quality of my recovery. Today I worked on my 4th step by writing my assets. I answered the questions for my step study workshop tonight. And I'm about to email the church if I can start a couple of OA meetings there.

I got the meeting starter kits in the mail yesterday. I'm so excited. Especially to start a young people's meeting. We really need one of those here.

And as for feeling guilty for this entry - maybe that's God's way of telling me something. :-)

Wat ik voorstelde als oplossing in Leiden zouden we in feite ook in Wageningen kunnen doen. Alle electronische theses opknippen in hoofdstukken en de hoofdstukken als pre-prints in de repository opnemen. Voorwaarde hiervoor is wel dat Way, beter om kan gaan met versies. Dus preprints tonen wanneer we die hebben en het mag, en publishers postprints wanneer iemand op ons eigen netwerk daar toegang toe zou hebben.

Nu stimuleren we auteurs financieel door publicatie in OA tijdschriften te betalen. We zouden moeten bezien of we dat geld niet beter in kunnen inzetten door ons eigen archief beter te vullen door pre-prints uit de theses te knippen en die ook te archiveren. Dat zal in het begin handwerk zijn, maar wanneer een goed begin en basis hebben, kunnen we auteurs er op wijzen hoe we dit voor henzelf kunnen laten doen. Dit in de volle overtuiging dat OA aan het eind van de dag impact verhogend werkt.

Today's Action

Understanding is a gift of my program. I learn to understand myself and others by working the Steps. What am I learning to understand today?

Today I'm understanding that I need to do something everyday for my recovery. I've let myself get very sloppy and it affects my mood in a negative way. I'm unmotivated and a little depressed. Unmotivation is what makes me depressed. It makes me feel guilty and ashamed and not worth anything. It makes me feel like a burden to my loved ones, and it makes me feel like I'm not a good wife or person. I've been trying to pray about this - hoping God will give me the willingness to do what I need to do to become the person I want to be.

The first 24 hours were fine enough. We chatted lots, went to the beach, went swimming in the sea. Then we went for an Indian meal. I don't know why but my mood plummeted into my boots around the time we had the meal. Maybe it was partly the situation...eating a meal alone with my mother on a Saturday night. Feeling like a useless, washed-up failure with a history of broken and discarded relationships and an empty life.

Anyway we had been going to see a film but I had to cry off that and got an early night. The next day I was struggling again with my mood...until I exploded with anger and resentment at my Mum. It was a broiling hot afternoon, even near the coast, and we went for a hellish drive and an even more hellish walk, arguing as we went, both now really upset and saying a lot of stuff we didn't mean and maybe some we did.

This is unfortunately a pattern. I now rarely go to see my Mum or if I do I only spend one night or just an afternoon. It's the same when she comes here, sometimes even worse because I feel territorial, as if she is invading my space.

I am naturally ashamed of my behaviour. Depression doesn't make me dignified, silent, poetic or melancholy. It is so raw and painful I frequently cannot contain myself from exploding with irritation or lashing out with anger. The excruciating guilt, shame and remorse follow close behind.

I spoke to my Mum on the phone today and we smoothed things over. We were both quite devastated by the argument. With all the ambivalence, the history and strain there can be between us I know that she loves me to the best of her ability. She suffers, seeing me suffer. That is the bottom line. That is why the relationship has been strained to breaking point, but has never broken.

I am not over this depressive episode. It's a time thing. As I tried to explain to my Mum (who does not really understand depression first-hand) the best way to recover from depression is to recover from depression. Only when you start to recover can you start doing all those things again that give you a sense of self-worth and build you up physically, mentally, spiritually. When you are in the full throes of an acute phase you often can't do more than keep breathing.

Anger in depression can be a dangerous thing if it drives you to alienate the people who are closest to you. I have been in serious danger of doing just that. But I went to my CBT session today, and that is definitely starting to make more sense. The rapport with the therapist is building too. Then this evening I went to a marvellous OA (Overeaters Anonymous) meeting. Relationships are powerful things. Scary, yes. Terrifying, sometimes. But I know I need them...

Lovely to be here at Wordpress by the way, and lovely to be able to read my 'stats' and comments and know that I'm not nattering away to an empty room! Love you ... Zoe.

I need to start doing my daily meditations again and writing them down in here.

I stopped weighing myself FOR GOOD. I can't handle the number one the scale. I can tell my body has changed very much since last year. And I don't like the changes. It's really getting me down and making me depressed. I've cried over it. And I just hate the way I look. Yet I tell myself I'll do aerobics to tone areas (NOT to lose weight) yet I never do it. Because I'm lazy and unmotivated - a BIG part of my disease.

I ordered some meeting starter packets so I can start an OA meeting and a Young People's meeting here where I live. I'm so excited. That'll give me even more recovery. So let's say I start those two meetings and continue to go to those meetings, I'll be going to five meetings a week. Wow.

sweeeeeet!

i'm home!!!

it's gonna be super brief break, but eyeluvityeah!!!

i heart my CEO again! :-)

I came into contact with a supportive and compassionate loved one of a fellow sufferer. The sufferer is coming out of inpatient in a few days and I'm going to be in contact with her. I'm so excited, and I hope I can help her in some way. This must be such a scary transition she is going through (after all, I went through the exact same thing almost two years ago), and I hope this is just the beginning of an awesome relationship and an awesome journey for her.

Sorry for the lack of updates! But I hope you are enjoying the site. :-)

Okay, maybe I am placing blame where it doesn't belong.  After all, the scale is just doing it's job.  Calculating the number and accurately displaying my girth.  The problem lies, where most of our problems do, inside. 

If the number is less than the last time I weighed, I am on top of the world.  One hot mama.  If the magic number is the same as the last time, disappointment.  Now here is where things get really ugly.  If the number is higher than it should be or I think it should be, I berate myself.  The chorus of "I am ugly and unlovable" plays in my head.  All lies of course, but marching through my brain just the same.

The saddest part of this whole weighty matter is that I am not alone.  Poor body image and the pressure to be living, breathing perfection is rampant.  I see self hate in women with gray hair.  I see it in six year old girls "on a diet".  It's not only socially acceptable to hate our bodies, but encouraged!

Our harshest critic lives in our heads.  That mean spirited girl inside.  You know who I mean.  She never wants us to be happy with ourselves.  She finds the smallest "flaw" and exaggerates it until we are crippled by our hideousness.  She is on full alert for any indication we are making peace with our bodies.  After all, if she let's us off the hook, she is out of a job. 

She will compare us to anyone and everyone until we admit we are lacking.  The mean girl makes us hate ourselves and by default, others. 

She is subtle.  Extremely persistent.  Catty beyond belief.  She will advise us to sit back and watch instead of participate.  Lest anyone be forced to behold our monstrous bodies. If we manage to avoid the pitfall of believing we should apologize to everyone for the way we look, she has another tactic.  This is perhaps the most destructive of all.  Exposure.  Show lot's of skin. If you've got it- flaunt it.  Every drop of attention received just reinforces the belief that "I am only made for sex". She will have us "dressed to impress" quicker than we can say "Maybe this shirt is too low cut...".

She will have us in the corner.  Green with envy over the girls who seem to have it all.  The girls who aren't afraid to live.  Who don't hate themselves, or anyone else.  She will say things like"Who does she think she is wearing that outfit?".  Or worse yet, "You do not have the body to been seen in anything sleeveless.".

Know thy enemy.  The mean girl is Satan.  My enemy and yours.  I am frankly, sick of her.  I have tried to reason with her.  Even tried to be her friend at one point.  It is time to face facts.  She is mean, has always been mean, and will get even meaner. 

 So, good bye mean girl.  You can't live here anymore.  I know you will fight me tooth and nail, but that's okay.  I am not fighting you alone.  GOD is on my side.  Mean girls everywhere... Watch out!

Los objetos de aprendizaje son entendidos como: “una pieza digital de material educativo, cuyo tema y contenido pueden ser claramente identificables y direccionables, y cuyo principal potencial es la reutilización dentro de distintos contextos.” En este sentido los estudios han estado enfocados en varios aspectos. Por un lado, hacia la creación de objetos de aprendizaje mediante el trabajo colaborativo de  informáticos, pedagogos, expertos en creación de contenidos, estudiantes, etc. Y, por otro lado, el uso de repositorios de contenidos para almacenar los objetos de aprendizaje creados por la comunidad y poder ser reutilizados según los propios intereses. Centrándonos en este último punto, se pueden encontrar una serie de repositorios de objetos de aprendizaje disponibles en Internet que muestran enlaces a objetos de aprendizaje localizados en diferentes lugares de la red los cuales son actualizados y mantenidos constantemente (Ariadne, Alexandria, Merlot).

La importancia de estos repositorios que se están realizando en la red recae en la reusabilidad de materiales, permitiendo optimizar el trabajo y los esfuerzos de los docentes, así como enriquecer la base de datos y contribuir a la cultura del compartir contenidos teniendo en cuenta los derechos de autor.

]]> http://oablogger.wordpress.com/?p=8 Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:06:17 +0000 overeaters anonymous podcast http://oablogger.wordpress.com/?p=8 Welcome to the Overeaters Anonymous (OA) Podcast. In this edition, OA member Bob discusses the circumstances that brought him to OA and how his involvement with OA has improved his life.For more information on Overeaters Anonymous, please go to www.oa.org or call the World Service Office in the United States at area code 505-891-2664. LISTEN NOW >>

I thought quote was appropriate for where I'm at right now.  I am back, climbing my way back up onto 'the wagon'.  There is finally a face to face meeting where I live.  I am so grateful for that.  I've been attending 2 meetings a week since mid-May.  It's been good.  There are only a handful of people in the group but it's still good.  We each have varying degrees of experience with 12-step programs, so we compliment one another well.

With the start of a new quarter, there is a new 'Working the Steps' study group that I am participating in online.  This is only week one, studying step one.  Tonight I did the assignment - it was telling.  I found myself writing things and coming to new realizations that I've never made prior.  I had forgotten the power of writing.  I need to use this tool - for me it is very powerful.

I have two sponsors now - one for step work and one for food plan - I imagine they will cross over and that is fine.  One is online one is face to face.  I'm excited about beginning my journey again...

God,
Tonight I am grateful
for the opportunity
to begin this journey
again and tonight
I pray only for willingness...