This Saturday will be the fifth anniversary of the day I kissed him goodbye on the eve of his move to Scotland.  Coincidentally, it was my half-birthday, so I never forgot the date. I tried. I tried to forget so much, but I kept hearing foghorns.

I wasn't too shocked to learn that Woody never watches a picture once he's done with it. I think many artists and writers (myself included) could learn from his ability to not get caught up in nostalgia:

"That's a pleasure I deny myself, because then you get into nostalgic self-involvement, and I don't think that would be good for me. I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff. If you were in my house in New York, you wouldn't know I was in the movie business. It just looks like a regular house, like the home of a lawyer or something, and I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them."

However, Woody's pessimistic attitude about love kind of saddened me. He didn't have very positive things to say about love and you can read into that what you will. Of course, he's discussing love in the context of his current film Vicky Christina Barcelona, but it sure seems like the man whose characters - and, let's face it, who himself - always recklessly chased love has concluded that, in the end, true love is effusive.

But, maybe I'm reading too much into his answers. Tell me if I am .

As I have been working within 10 miles of her work this week - I decided that it would be the perfect opportunity.

It was interesting meeting her. She'll be 30 next year and is acutely aware of it. She's decided to arrange a parachute jump to prove that she's still alive. If it goes wrong - well, she'll know that's not the case!

We talked about happiness. She's living with her father again, and is trying to get out of her current profession to join ("don't laugh," she said) the fire service. Good for her. Seeing as my dad was a fire chief in his day - I have nothing but respect for the idea.

We went Dutch on the meal and after a farewell hug agreed that we should make more of an effort to meet up. I didn't promise - these things never seem to work out like that.

She was quite astute about the nature of happiness. Generally, she is happy - and she's changing the things which make her unhappy. That's her attitude. I told her I had been feeling down lately, and said that a few months ago I had a spell of feeling low for about 2 weeks. She assured me that everybody felt like that sometimes. I've come to realise over time that I'm not as unique as I once believed.

It was a good meet and helped me finish getting my head together yesterday. It was weird that it was completely plutonic - I didn't feel attracted to her in a particular way (I half expected to). It's probably because we didn't go on about the "old times". Just some discussion about my minor inability to engage myself in groups of people instead.

I left her a voicemail thanking her for a good time - and that we should do it again. We said we would make an effort when we last met - but it doesn't hurt to get the point across. I had a text back.

It was nice meeting up the other day x

I really should make the effort.

I had a hankering for some liquorice and included in my tenners worth some Bassetti, now maybe it was stale, a bad batch or maybe my jaws are getting weak, but I can't recall ever having liquorice sticks that damned hard before! Anyone else out there tried this stuff?

I gave up on buying Bassetts' Liquorice Allsorts some time ago when I bought a bag one Christmas from Sainburys, again maybe it was a duff batch but I was extremely dissapointed at the small amount of actual liquorice in the bag, just tons of sugary stuff, very little plain liquorice and little if any of those bobbly aniseed jelly ones!

Have they economised on the ingredients over the years or was I just unlucky? The picture on the American Candy Blog seems to show a far different mix than I had. Do they have different mixes for different countries I wonder?

Sifu started the show by announcing it would be his last. The calls started coming in throughout the show from listeners like Wisdom, Travis T, Manny, Loriel, and others whose names I didn't catch. Lori, Rid, Randi, and Rhombus stopped in as soon as they heard the news. Trav15 was on hand as well, and some KTUH directors who were having a meeting stopped in to wish Sifu well. The callers were sincere in their love of his music selection and wished him the best.

Sifu graduated in May 2008, and got himself a job in the "real world." So, it was time to move on. His show will be missed. If I can get a playlist off him, I'm gonna ask him if I can post it here...

Sifu's done more than be a DJ for KTUH. He was also the General Manager a couple of terms ago, and helped with much of the planning on the 35th Anniversary fundraiser. He was also the Production Director and Web Master for KTUH. He also designed the current logos the station uses, and donated hundreds (yes, hundreds) of cds for the station's library and fundraisers through his music industry contacts. I think he was also a genre director, and used to drop in the KTUH office as a new DJ, and help out with whatever needed to be done. He spins as a DJ at fundraising and promotional events on the station's behalf. He's done more than people know, and never asked for anything in return.

A good example might be my growing appreciation of music. I've always loved music - especially as a listener, because my playing skills were minimal - but my enjoyment of it was more limited all those years than I realized. It wasn't until I found myself in an early semi-retirement a few years ago and began to spend more time with music, that I discovered that I was woefully uninformed.

For one thing, I realized that there were countless songs that I'd heard so many times that they were as familiar to me as a close friend's voice, but because my normal way of listening to music was as background for reading or driving, I often had no idea of the name of the piece or the artist. And even if I knew the musician and the names of some of his best-known tunes, I couldn't always match them up. For example, I was a big Jimmy Dorsey fan but even though I knew I was listening to Jimmy, was that "Contrasts" or "Sophisticated Swing" I just heard?

I'm happy to report that I've made some progress in my understanding of that kind of music, but meanwhile I discovered another problem. I realized that I also had a lot of gaps in my knowledge of popular music, especially what came along after I was well into adulthood. At that time in my life I wasn't really interested in pop music, was pretty sure that I didn't get it, and I seldom listened to it. You could have put what I knew about it in a thimble and still have room for your finger.

But once I was able to dig deeper into pop music, the first thing I discovered was that I must have been listening more closely than I'd thought all those years, because some of those pieces now sounded very familiar to me -- and I liked them. However, I also learned that I'd sometimes missed the boat back in those days when it came to details. For example, I was surprised to discover that many of the songs I'd thought were just catchy little ditties were actually thinly-disguised anti-establishment rants. Duh.

In any case, now that I'm deeply into Music Appreciation 2.0, I'd like to be able to report that I'm  fully knowledgeable in every aspect of music -- but I can't. There's so much still to learn that I doubt that I'll ever even approach that state. I guess that would be Music Appreciation 3.0.

Amazon

much has been said. 10,000 Thumbs up for Wall-E !! LOL

Límites
Jose Luis Borges
Hay una línea de Verlaine que no volveré a recordar.
Hay una calle próxima que está vedada a mis pasos,
hay un espejo que me ha visto por última vez,
hay una puerta que he cerrado hasta el fin del mundo.
Entre los libros de mi biblioteca (estoy viéndolos)
hay alguno que ya nunca abriré...

faz dezessete anos, minha gente.

Era só uma questão de tempo para começar a acontecer. Primeiro esta está grávida, depois aquela, e por ai além.

E eu? Custa-me dizer “ que bom! Que boa noticia!” quando por dentro só penso” mais outra”.

Este mês achou mesmo que era o grande mês. Antes de irmos para as Maldivas, decidi que durante este mês não iríamos tentar, porque era uma viagem grande, e se acontecia alguma coisa e eu lá, não tinha muitas ajudas etc. Mas sabia que lá para o fim da semana riria ter o período. Relaxei. Ate foi bom, porque não sentia a responsabilidade de tentar esta noite, e ter que fazer na outra noite. E quando estivemos na ilha foi fantástico. O fim da semana chegou e nem sinais. Deveria ter vindo na quinta-feira, mas era sábado e ainda nada. Regressamos na segunda e andei sempre aflita na viagem de avião. Nada. Terça, quarta e nada. Quinta fiz um teste de gravidez, logo de manha, e nada. Fiquei muito aflita até porque tinha dores no fundo da barriga. Fomos ter com um amigo ao hospital e fizeram me uma eco grafia. Nada, tudo limpo. Disseram que era uma desregulação normal. É muita ironia.

Tive um colapso. Chorei, disse ao J que já não aguentava mais, que não estava bem, e queria muito muito difícil fingir que estava tudo bem. Lembro-me todos os dias o que aconteceu, e já passaram 7 meses. Começo a pensar no que seria se tudo estivesse a correr bem, e como era a minha vida. Ainda não acredito que isto aconteceu-me. É daquelas coisas que só acontecem aos outros e nunca a nós.

Eu sei que é normal durante 1 ano andar a atentar. E fazendo bem as contas, tecnicamente só andamos a tentar a 3 meses – 4 se contamos com este. Mas é muito difícil. Ninguém sabe no estado que estou, a não ser o J. Mas mesmo esse não deve imaginar a minha realidade. E mais uma lágrima que me caí. Quando é que vai chegar a minha vez? Será que esta dor, este parto no coração chega a passar? Porque é que consegui engravidar ao fim de um mês de tentar, e agora já passaram quase 4 e nada? Será a minha cabeça a por em parafuso? Tenho medo que esteja a ser paranóica de mais e que me impeça de engravidar.

Ontem vi o site www.child-wish.com , onde diz que ajuda as mulheres a engravidarem, e basta fazer uma pequena doação (40€). O meu desespero é tanto que já contribui. Tentativa patética.

Estou a espera que o meu medico venha de férias para ir falar com ele. Tenho que lhe dizer assim já não aguento mais, e gostava de experimentar outras coisas, maneiras mais rápidas. Nem que seja ao menos saber quando é a minha ovulação. Já nem sequer me importo de ter gémeos e ficar o tempo todo em casa. Só queria um bebe meu, um bebe saudável, meu, parecido com o J e comigo. Um bebe só meu. Mais outro aperto.

Here is the archived web visitor map from my old website: Kickin' Moron Ass Since 2002

Each red dot represents where the IP addresses who visited my blog came from. The larger the dot, teh more visitors came from that region.

It's interesting to see how far your reach can get. The dots in Western Africa and South America are particularly intriguing.

A brand new map has just been installed for It's Alive!! in the sidebar to the right.

Map and tool thanks to ClustrMaps

Y después iba a ver a los Kira's Tortoise haciendo su versión de esto.

Birth

1948. Robert Plant (do I really have to say Led Zeppelin?) born in West Bromwich, England.

On Tour

1996. Whitney Houston gets £ 1.3 million for a 90 minute performance at a banquet held by the Sultan Of Brunei.

In Court

1981. Phil Lynott (Thin Lizzy) appears at Kingston Crown Court to face three charges - possessing cocaine, possessing cannabis and cultivating cannabis. He's found guilty of possessing cocaine and fined £ 200 but acquitted on both of the other charges. The court case follows a police raid on Lynott's house in Kew Road, Richmond in November 1979. It took the jury two and three-quarter hours to reach its verdicts. Speaking to reporters outside the court, Lynott said he was very concerned about the effect the guilty verdict might have on his ability to tour the United States. Lynott had told the court that he'd given up smoking cannabis after the birth of his daughter, Sara, almost three years ago. he also said that he was unaware of possessing any cocaine. The jacket, in which two packets of the drug had been found, had been loaned to a friend and only returned the day before the raid.

In Hospital

1994. Sound engineer Tim Warhurst falls from a lighting gallery during rehearsals for Take That's appearance at London's Docklands Arena. He is flown by air ambulance to the Royal London Hospital where he is found to be suffering from head and spinal injuries that may leave him paralysed for life.

On Television

1975. Musikladen (ZDF, Germany) 20. 10cc; Bay City Rollers; Johnny Cash; Rubettes; The Cats; Paper Lace; ABBA; Roger Glover; Creedence Clearwater Rivival (Oldie); The Seekers. Here's 10cc with "I'm Not In Love". 4m 06s.

Death

1971. George Jackson, one of the Soledad Brothers, is shot dead by warders when he tries to escape from San Quentin Prison in California. Jackson, 29, had served 11 years for the theft of $ 70 and was currently in jail awaiting trial for the alleged killing of a prison warder during his sentence which was served at Soledad Prison. His court hearing was scheduled for August 23rd but he decided not to wait and escape instead. During the escape attempt, two other prisoners were shot dead by guards. Two prisoners had their throats slit by those escaping and a warder was stabbed to death. The event is captured for posterity by Bob Dylan in the song, "George Jackson".

Music Paper From Today

New Musical Express from 20th August 1977. A copy taken from Rockmine’s almost complete run of U.K. music papers from the last 45 years.

Go to Rockmine's main site here.

© Copyright 1995 - 2008 Rockmine Archives. Use of this content is prohibited unless licensed by Rockmine Archives.

Keele take on Cambridge to win television's toughest test

IT'S 40 years since a quartet of Keele undergraduates triumphed in TV's toughest test of general knowledge.

Millions watched Paul Brownsey, Pamela Maddison, Aubrey Lawrence and Andrew MacMullen win the 1968 final of University Challenge.

It was the first – and so far only – time the North Staffordshire university's team took the title, but they did so in style.

In what was only the fifth season of the long-running varsity quiz, Keele swept aside all before them, seemingly unfazed by even the trickiest questions put to them by Bamber Gascoigne.

Captained by Aubrey, who was then reading Latin and history and is now a library database administrator, Keele beat Jesus College Cambridge in the final.

Aubrey went on to become BBC Radio's Brain Of Britain and he also competed in Mastermind in 1978.

Sadly, between the recording and the transmission of the 1968 final, a member of the Jesus College team was killed in a boating accident, although his family gave their blessing to the programme being broadcast.

In 2002, the same four members of the Keele team showed their mettle once again when they were reunited in University Challenge's “Champions of Champions”, a special season marking the 40th anniversary of the quiz.

Along with 30 other winning teams, they were once again put through the agony they'd first endured 34 years before and made steady progress to the final of the special series, when they came up against Sidney Sussex College, Cambridge, who were winners in 1979.

On that occasion, however, Sidney Sussex beat Keele by 375 points to 185, avenging the defeat of their Cambridge fellows in 1968.

Still, that victory 40 years ago put Keele on the roll of honour of a show that is still going strong 46 years after it was first shown on ITV.

They are also in illustrious company, contestants having included John Simpson, Sebastian Faulks, Julian Fellows, Stephen Fry, Clive James, David Mellow, Miriam Margolyes, David Starkey and Malcolm Rifkind.

Although Granada's University Challenge came to an end in December 1987, the quiz was revived by BBC TV in September 1994 and is now presented by Jeremy Paxman.

*****************************************************************************************************************

STOP PRESS: A team of 1960s graduates - including three of the winning team mentioned above - will take on a team of current Keele students in a special University Challenge quiz forty years on at Keele University on Tuesday October 7, to be chaired by the original long-standing quizmaster Bamber Gascoigne. More details to follow soon!

All families have holiday traditions, many of them unique. And I’m guessing that this one is fairly unique to the Hall clan. My father’s Aunt Ruth was a special lady. She was a bit eccentric, but that kind of goes with the territory. My brother John and I always thought that she was a bit batty, but then again, we were just kids.

Dad says that she was a very bright lady. She worked as a comptometer programmer at Campbell, Wyatt, & Cannon in Muskegon during the war years. The comptometer was a type of early computer that worked off of a hand crank. It was a highly skilled profession, perhaps even more so than today’s computer programmers or systems analysts jobs – if for no other reason than they were so rare.

She lived very frugally, so as far as family lore had it, she was “quite well off.” I don’t know about that, but I do know that she was always very kind to my brother and I. Dad says that she was also quite kind to he and his brother Ken as well. The only early photos of Dad and his brother that we have are studio portraits of them with their grandmother. According to Dad, Aunt Ruth paid to have those portraits done.

While her generosity was to be taken for granted within the family, it was her ability to never select a suitable gift that always brought howls of laughter to my brother and I – as well as all of our cousins. You could take it to the bank that her present each and every Christmas, as well as every birthday, would be the traditional “Aunt Ruth Shirt.” And while most kids, especially boys, find a shirt to be a particularly useless gift, the “Aunt Ruth Shirt” was in a class entirely by itself. For not only would the shirt be of the most unwearable color and design, the size selection process that she employed must have required all of her skill with the comptometer. Not only would the “Aunt Ruth Shirt” not fit, it would amazingly not fit any boy in the family. With six of us to chose from (cousins Bill, Charlie, Don, and Alan as well as John and I), covering a nearly 20 year range, it would seem that the basic laws of probability would require the shirt to fit one of us. But no, with unerring skill Aunt Ruth would be able each and every year to select six utterly hideous shirts that would not fit any of us.

Now this never stopped my mother, or my Aunt Donna, from applying all of their motherly powers in a futile attempt to fit a shirt to a boy. They just never understood, as we all did, that the power of the “Aunt Ruth Shirt” selection algorithm was absolute and protected us from ever having to wear one of the hideous things.

This is where the wonderful family holiday tradition part comes in. Aunt Ruth always shopped at Hardy-Herpolsheimers, which was the top-notch department store in Muskegon. It is gone now, but it was the high point of the holiday season for many. For as fans of the Polar Express book or movie can tell you, the Herpolsheimers Christmas display was holiday nirvana of the highest order. Ralphie’s fascination with Higbee’s windows in A Christmas Story could barely match the wonder that was the Hardy-Herposheimers display. I searched high and low on the old interweb for a picture of Hardy-Herpolsheimers, but the closest I could find was a hat box from the store. At least that gives some small indication of what a high-falutin’ store it was.

The holiday season was a period of high stress trauma for my mother which precluded our little band from enjoying any of the public trappings of the holiday season, so we never got to go see the display before Christmas. But thanks to the wondrous holiday powers of the “Aunt Ruth Shirt” we did get to see the displays every year.

When the great day had come and gone, and before Dad had to return to school, Mom would send us guys off to Hardy-Herpolsheimers to return the “Aunt Ruth Shirt.” This was of course Dad’s responsibility, since he was to blame for being related to Aunt Ruth. It also allowed my mother to stay home and gorge herself on whatever holiday candy remained in the house.

So off we would go, with the monstrosity of the “Aunt Ruth Shirt” in tow. Hardy-Herpolsheimers wasn’t the type of store that were typically allowed anywhere near. My mother wouldn’t be caught dead there, since they didn’t sell muumuus in the two man tent size. And Dad, while he truly enjoyed the high class merchandise, just couldn’t justify the prices there. But between Aunt Ruth’s spectacular generosity in purchasing the most expensive hideous shirts in stock and the magic of after-Christmas retail pricing, we were treated to a virtual wonderland of consumer excess. We would not only be able to purchase the shirt that mother required (“She bought you a shirt, so don’t go exchange it for something silly, get a nice shirt – just like the one she picked out, but in the right size.”), but we would have enough money left over for some good junk too.

Once we picked out the obligatory shirt, usually the cheapest t-shirt that we could find – Dad understood being a boy after all, we would begin the quest. Dad would point out to us which of the magnificent toys that we could afford with the remainder of our return money. And we always had to stop at the unbelievable display of hot roasted nuts. The smell of those nuts permeated the entire facility. We knew that Dad was a sucker for the hot roasted pistachios and that if we “treated” him to a bag he would not only share it back with us, but he would be happy enough to tolerate our hours long quest.

Now I can’t actually recall any of the treasures that we were able to purchase with the proceeds of our “Aunt Ruth Shirts.” I’m sure that if John were still with us his magnificent brain could catalog the entire haul, year by year. But alas, that’s no longer available to us. The real treasure, which remains as a pleasant memory for both Dad and I, is the hours that we got to spend together. Eating hot roasted pistachios and wandering the cavernous floors of Hardy-Herpolsheimers – bonding in the enjoyment of each other’s company and sharing the wonders of a Hardy-Herpolsheimers Christmas.

I wonder if Aunt Ruth actually planned that?

Read sudharma e-paper

This scene was in the mid '90s. The Paati (Ajji/Grandmother) in my apartments used to subscribe to a newspaper which I hadn't seen anywhere. The newspaper was just one sheet - front and back. She would read it just after her lunch, around 11 in the morning. Clad in a madishaal, she would munch Chakkali or Mucchore (she would call this 'Unda baayige oggarane') and read interesting news bits. In between, she would tell how closely related she was to the editor and his father. I would enjoy a delicious coffee from her and listen to her. Paati used to read this paper and analyse the news like none of our present news analysts. I got addicted to this newspaper - but ever since Paati shifted, I lost touch with Sudharma.

The renowned Sanskrit daily is nearing 40. Sudharma was founded by girvanavani bhushana, vidyanidhi Sri Kalale Nadadur Varadaraja Iyengar, at Mysore in the year 1970. Sri K.N.Varadaraja Iyengar served HH Srimad Poundarikapuram Swamigal as a Srikaryam for many years. Sudharma was started with an intention to propagate Sanskrit, the mother of all languages.

After Sri KN Varadaraja Iyengar attained his acharyan's thiruvadi (feet of the lord), his son Sri K.V.Sampath Kumar has taken over and is efficiently continuing the same. Sudharma carries  a "Subhashitam" along with important announcements, articles, poems, short stories etc in simple Sanskrit. It is really a boon to those who wish to learn to understand/talk sanskrit.

All these are being successfully done at a very nominal cost of Rs 250/- per year (inclusive of postage). Even though the cost is not working out, Sri K.V.Sampath Kumar is continuing his mission just for the sake of propagating Sanskrit. The newspaper has readers in India and also overseas. The majority of the subscribers of the newspaper are Sanskrit scholars and students. Of course, a few Thatha-Paatis still subscribe to it.

Sudharma, the only Sanskrit daily newspaper in India, began its online version in June 2008. Sudharma daily sells around 3000 copies through subscription. The internet version of Sudharma is aimed at reaching a wider audience. The only income generated by Sudharma is from the 250 rupees of annual subscription. By going online Sudharma is planning to attract advertisers, which is essential for the survival of the only Sanskrit daily.

Kalale Nadadur Varadaraja Iyengar, a Sanskrit scholar, launched Sudharma with a goal of propagating the language. He was also a publisher of Sanskrit books and the Sanskrit moving types that were sometimes lying idle with him were another motivation for starting the newspaper. When he discussed his venture with others, he had to face the wrath of skeptics who warned him of his ‘misadventure’ and predicted the newspaper’s doom. This was because not many people believed that the Sanskrit language had a vocabulary sufficient enough to cover contemporary and complex day-to-day activities and developments. He was, however, supported in his venture by Agaram Rangaiah, who was an editor of a Kannada newspaper and also by P. Nagachar, who was a former Joint Director of Information. Ignoring the skeptics, Varadaraja Iyengar published the first issue of Sudharma on July 14, 1970 from a location called ‘Ganapathi Totti’ in Maharaja’s Sanskrit College. He was also instrumental in starting a Sanskrit news bulletin on All India Radio by convincing I. K. Gujral, the then Minister of Information and Broadcasting in the Government of India. K. V. Sampath Kumar, the son of Varadaraja Iyengar, is the current editor of the newspaper. The paper is currently published out of a press in the # 561, 2nd Cross, Ramachandra Agrahara locality of Mysore.

The profit gained by circulating the newspaper is negligible but Sampath Kumar wants to continue publishing the newspaper because of his passion for journalism and the Sanskrit language. He has had to struggle to keep the publication afloat. The paper has also helped its readers to learn and improve their knowledge of the language. On 15th July 2007, the 38th anniversary of the paper’s publication was celebrated in Mysore. A unique feature of the celebration was that all speeches were in Sanskrit, which is a rarity, and two Sanskrit scholars were honoured on that occasion.

Sudharma is really a treasure house of information in easy understandable Sanskrit even to a novice. It truly reflects not only the glory that was India but addresses the contemporary topics with equal felicity. A must for all Sanskrit lovers.

I am now eager to tell my Paati about the online version of her favourite newspaper. (Yes, she browses the net to read Kannada eveningers.)

***

Contact Sudharma at the below address:-

Sudharma Editor: Sri KV Sampath Kumar
No. 561, 2nd cross, Ramachandra Agrahara,
Mysore - 570 004, Karnataka. INDIA.
E-mail : sudharmasktdly@rediff.com
E-mail : sudharma.sanskritdaily@gmail.com
Phone : 0821-2442835/ 4287835

***

Sudharma e-paper is an initiative by idii to bring regional newspapers online. To read more regional newspapers online, visit e-papertoday website.

***

Don't miss:

• To expand, Sanskrit daily looks to the Web
• Keeping Sanskrit alive
• Sudharma - the only Samskrit daily publication

To find out exactly who Freddy is, check out the first post of the series here.

To see all of the posts, click the link in the bar to the right.

21.) " 'Merry Christmas to everyone!' says Freddy. He wonders what is in the pretty box. Do you know?"

22.) "Grandpa and Freddy made a snowman. Do you think he looks like Grandpa? Freddy is so tired."

23.) "Freddy likes to play hide and seek when it is too cold to play outside. Look! Grandpa found him. 'There you are.' "

I don't know how to explain it, but it's something much more than nostalgia.  I am a rather nostalgic person sometimes, but this is much more intense.  It has an edge to it that pains me and troubles me.  Sometimes I feel it is wrapped up in grief and regret.  Other times it involves a stronger-than-usual attachment to this life and this world, almost to the point where I never want anything to change, and I never want to die.  Odd for someone who tends to long for Heaven.  I am grateful for my life and for this world, each with their good and not-so-good qualities, but I am wary of being too attached to them.

My mind keeps trying to be logical and find some reason for it.  Perhaps it is just part of aging; I have more now than ever to look back on.  Perhaps it is just a completely normal, natural part of life.  I hope so.  But...

These are very deep feelings.  I get a sense that they are very important feelings.  That they mean something.  I just don't know what.

I fear I'm not making much sense.  I just had to put this all out here.  Any thoughts?