...I've got stuff that's never been done before... I'll show you things that have never been shown in this way before -- ever.

...it's also why I wanted to give you a taster of what's in store for you THIS COMING FRIDAY 22nd.

...See - I really believe you should have a chance to experience the power of conversational belief change and sleight of mouth - BEFORE - you think about investing in a programme that will show you how to master it...you got it...I'm talking about the 'Jedi' stuff!

So that's why I've added an intensely cool clip from a exclusive DVD that is part of the limited edition programme  I'm releasing this Friday (worth over £480 in total).

You're about to experience what it would be like if you could literally STOP TIME and look straight into someones mind and know exactly what they're doing to build and maintain their current generalisations...their current beliefs...

...and this is just a 5 minute clip!

[googlevideo=http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-7895410994037554262&hl=en-GB]

nlp_communication_model

I have a morning routine. Some elements tend to be pretty static in their sequence and content, and others are more flexible.

I can't say as I enjoy taking vitamins, but taking my Four Pillars has been part of my morning routine ever since last November, in preparation for orthognathic surgery. I wanted to give my body every tool I could to help it heal.

There has been something about one of those pills that gives me a rather unpleasant sensation when it goes down the hatch. Flavor! Often, out of dread, I would save that one for last, and then, upon popping it in my cake hole, would allow it to sit in my mouth while I had miserable thoughts about the sensation I was about to experience as it would slide past the part of my tongue that picks up bitter taste. Now, you might think, "oh, he ought to be smarter than that! Just swallow it and get it over with..." but as you well know...if you were to stop and think for a moment right now about a similar situation in your life, in which the answer is obvious to everyone but you, you can understand now what it was I went through (oh, what a funny story this is turning out to be!).

Well, a couple of days ago, I simply decided to change the sequence of how I take those four pills. And I did. And much to my surprise, I had no reaction at all to taking them. Down the hatch they went!

Here's where it gets interesting...

This morning, as I got ready to take my vitamins, I suddenly realized that as I was taking them, I had switched the order again--and it still didn't matter. Easy peasy. Go figure.

So, here is a model of learning that we all might consider now:

1) Think about something you would like to do with greater facility and more enjoyment.

2) Take a step back in your mind, and observe the sequence of steps in the process. Be sure to thank your mind for the sequence that it has created--the one that you currently use. There must be a positive intention behind it, or your mind would not have created it.

3) Consider the elements of the sequence that you are able to flexibly shift around. Imagine in your mind the outcome of that increased flexibility.

4) Try several models on for size.

5) As my friend Al says, "Rinse and repeat."

Now, forget the whole thing. Go do something else.

See what happens! You will undoubtedly be surprised...

Be well, flexible, and at peace,

Phil

DO YOU WANT TO FOLLOW THE PATH OF THE PORCUPINE?

"Last winter, I was staying in a place in northern California in the mountains. One day I decided to try climbing one of the pointier peaks that had a small clearing at the top. It looked so lovely up there. So I started climbing. At the beginning of my climb, there was a wide, easily traversed, path that had been made by humans that I chose to follow. After reaching a bit of a clearing and a trickling stream, that wide path led me to a narrower, steeper path, which I had some difficulty following. But I persevered, and continued to follow my leaders who’d climbed the mountain before. They knew what they were doing, I assumed. So I followed, up and around the trees, and roots, and rocks and a few psychedelic mushrooms even (which I wisely left alone since I wanted to get to the top of the mountain for real, not just inside my head!). By the time I reached the top of the peak and the lovely clearing, I realized that my leaders who’d laid that path down were not at all human. I’d guessed that they were deer, instead, which seemed nearly as useful, though a bit more of a challenge, since my human legs and feet are less adapted to climbing steep slopes than a deer’s legs and hooves. I stayed up on the peak for quite a while, taking in the vastness of the mountains around me and the ocean below me.

When I finally started heading down the mountain to return to my home base (I was really looking forward to some hearty dinner after that vigorous workout!), I chose to follow a different path down that seemed less steep. Almost immediately, I ended up stuck in the middle of some scraggly bushes and was forced to scramble under increasingly lower branches. When the branches that the path passed under ended up being only about two feet high, and I found myself crawling on my stomach, I decided that my path-making leaders were most clearly far, far smaller beings than I, or even baby deer, and I faced the fact that I needed to turn around and look for another way to continue.
I did turn around, and chose to forge my own path back home, which while, difficult, did indeed get me to where I wanted to go. I got returned to a warm comfy place to sit down and enjoy my dinner while I looked up at the peak again and appreciated the accomplishment that I’d achieved of making it to the top. An accomplishment I’d made by choosing to initially follow the lead of those who’d been there before, and then choosing to go my own way when I noticed my leaders had gone in a direction that simply wasn’t taking me to a place that I wanted to go.

Some people believe that it’s a leader’s responsibility to lead people to where they want to go, while others know that it’s up to each individual to make our own good choices of when it’s time to follow the leaders who are heading in the direction we want to go, and when it’s time to create a new path for ourselves…

Where do you want to go? Has anyone been there before whom you can follow, or will you create your own path there and be the first to reach that point?"

Thanks, Turil!

Be well, and at peace,

Phil

Check-in, metadata, and taxonomies.  Anyone who's worked with a content or document management system knows this scenario:  You're going to check-in newly authored content, and a dialog box comes up asking you to enter some keywords to describe the content.  This is metadata – data about your data.  It’s important because if you fill it in properly, other people (and you, too) can find your content.  If you leave it blank, then other users will need to rely on a full-text search of some machine indexing to find your content. 

Many organizations have a formal system for classifying content called a taxonomy.  Think of it like the naming of the sections in the yellow pages directory – it provides consistent category names.  This avoids the problem I call “the Yellow Pages Problem,” where some people call those guys who represent you in court “lawyers” while other people call them “attorneys at law”  (or worse things).  When an organization uses a taxonomy, everyone uses consistent category names – that is, if they actually use it.

Compliance blues.  Taxonomies can be configured into the CMS, so that category names are able to be selected on the check-in dialog box.  While that saves the author guesswork of remembering category names and avoids mistyping, it still requires an author to take action – and to get it right.  This is a point of failure of many ECM initiatives: authors either fail to classify content at check-in time, or they accept the default settings, or the author applies the wrong category (or even too few categories when the content really crosses genres). 

The problem is worse when the author isn’t a fulltime writer, but instead a business contributor who’s creating content as they serve their role in some business process.  In these cases the author lacks the time, talent, or motivation to tag the content with the appropriate metadata.  They may not see it as part of their job. 

Cure for the blues?  So can this process be automated?  Absolutely.  Technologies have existed for some years now to analyze unstructured content.  Algorithms involve some combination of statistical, linguistic, and structural analysis. 

Statistical methods look at the document as a “bag of words” – words or phrases that occur more frequently, or that are “improbable” statistically are important.  Amazon uses SIPs – Statistically Improbable Phrases – to pull keywords out of books.  This is purely statistical – the system doesn’t know what the words mean, just that they are “odd” so probably meaningful. 

Linguistic methods actually analyze the natural language in the document.  If you know what the subject, verb, and object are in a sentence, then you know what it is about.  Linguistic methods have gotten better with improvements in algorithms and increases in computing power. 

Structural methods leverage underlying markup in documents, like XML structural tags or even styling or text flow (e.g. recognizing terms in headers). 

These methods not only provide automated metadata tagging (document categorization), they can also determine what type of document is being analyzed (document classification).  They can also be used to identify Named Entities – named people, places, things, and events.  It’s one thing to say this document is a Legal Brief (document type or class).  It’s another to say that Legal Brief is about Patent Infringement (a category).  It’s another thing still to say that it’s a case between Palm and Xerox (named companies) about handwriting recognition (a named technology).  Named entities can be extracted and listed in metadata.  They can also be tagged in-line in an XML document (this is often called "auto-tagging" - a post for another day).

Named entities are not addressed by taxomonies, rather by lists or directories of named entities.  A number of these named entity directories are available as web services.  Several are kept evergreen by using Wikipedia to drive the ever growing list of named entities.

Making it real.  So given this technology, how do you implement such a system?  My preferred method is to customize the authoring environment so that the “Save” dialog box in the editor of choice presents the ECM system’s check-in dialog.  This way the author does not take extra steps to check content in. 

Also at check-in time, in the background, the customized editor performs a temporary save to the local file system, and automatically sends a copy of the document to a categorizer web service.  This is a content categorizer application running on a server.  That categorizer service would apply the organization’s standard taxonomy to the document, using some classification algorithm to define one or more categories for the document.  The results can be applied in either of two ways:

1.    Classify the document automatically with no user intervention.  This can be done completely in the background with no user interface, even as part of an automated check-in workflow.

2.    Classify the document automatically and have the user verify the results.  This requires exposing the proposed metadata tags in the check-in dialog.   

Categorizers often provide some scoring of the certainty of a given tag; this score can be used to make the call about whether the automatic tag is applied, or whether it needs (or allows) end user verification or editing.  Business requirements determine what the best approach or best combination is.

What are the barriers?  The reason this technique isn’t used more often is the integration required between the authoring tools, the ECM solution, and the categorization technology.  In today’s market these technologies are typically provided by independent software vendors, who have few incentives for bundling tightly integrated solutions (and wish to remain “vendor neutral” with their own technology).  As the ECM marketplace continues to consolidate vertically we may see some content lifecycle vendors with more complete solutions (watch IBM and EMC). Services firms specializing in unstructured content and ECM can be one source for prepackaged solutions that combine these ECM, authoring tools, and content classification into a seamless user experience – which is the key to success in deploying an automated solution. 

At the end of the day, consideration of the needs and behavior of content authors and contributors (who are very often change-averse) is the most important step in adoption of a content lifecycle solution.  Making content classification and categorization a “no brainer” through automation and a seamless user experience improves the likelihood of success. 

So one of my adventures started back touching some 4 years ago now- when I had just got my brain in to a pretty optimised way of functioning, yet like being able to read at 400-1200 words per minute- being able to create spontaneous change patterns with minimal input from whom I was getting the information from- then I had a life changing event that truly blow the winds from my sails- I had what you might class as a cardiac emergency- what had happened to me was I got a blood clot in my calf- and it broke up- and shifted its self in to my heart and lungs one stray part did something inside my brain.

So I went from being a bright vibrant 31 year old at that time- and it hit me so, so hard that I gave up on myself- so a level of cognitive dissidence or a disrobing of the intellect occurred- what that means is I went into a form of hibernation- and stopped many of the daily mental practices I engaged in- thinks like “image streaming” memory training drills, speed picture and assimilation practice- this is were you group together a pile of random pictures turn them in to a PDF or a slide show and flash that up at speeds- then pick one picture out of the pile and describe in as much detail, from what you could remember- yet I stopped all such practices, and was feeling very sorry for myself- well I had just turn 31- had just be told that I was going to be made redundant and them I body decided to practice the art of almost dying on my poor sorry arse- so I gave in- or at least on one level.

Well after my ten days stay in hospital- I was a little worse for wear- my lungs had been damaged which meant doing any active cardiovascular work was out of the question, so a few week after I came out of hospital, I was made redundant- and the money I got allowed me to take sometime out- just for myself- so I rested and rested and rested some more- and I started looking and questioning the what “whys” of what had happened, to me- which habituated in to being physically lazy- so I gained weight and lots of it- which will be another part of this adventure rebuilding a healthy body.

So why have I allowed myself to get in to such disarray? And that’s a very, very good question and I have a number of reasons, which I am going to open a frame about here, first I wanted to demonstrate the practical use of the NLP technology- and to create an active personal development interface- I am working with what you might consider a dual plane learning platform- meaning I have all the tools that I need and I have done a series of NLP training's- I have done 2 NLP practitioner training's 2 Master practitioner training's- one of them being an advanced behaviour modelling training- with Dr. Wyatt Woodsmall- so now it’s time for me to create a learning platform and to show – just how powerful the NLP technology really is-

Now in the last four years even though I allowed myself to get into a level of disharmony- there was an agenda behind this discord- that came to me while I was in my first 8 months of recover- that being- there have been statements made in education and in the fields of psychology- that people are stuck and or broken within a set of parameters governed by how they have been brought up- well I would be classed as your typical lower level under intelligent drop out.

Don’t get me wrong I have a much better opinion of myself than- maybe obvious.

So I want to prove a number of points- and that’s what this blog is primarily about – demonstrating that with the right set of mental frames- that we can grow- also one thing that I am going to show is intelligence is not stuck- at a given set point- yet this will be much more clearer- in a few months as you see the structure and the way I recapitulate my active integrations.

So now getting back to the 3 starting points Memory- Vocabulary- and why it’s the bases of preventing mental degeneration in our old age- yet I will focus primary the first two- Vocabulary and Memory and will only tough on the 3^rd aspect until a much later contribution to the blog.

Memory is the seat of out cognitive functioning- the seat of our personality- with out memory we are doomed to low levels of interaction memory effects our communication abilities- and navigating educational pursuits, with out memory we fail to be able master new skills quickly- and learning tends to be a real chore- vocabulary is something we need to be able to communicate with each other- and is the bases of making progress in the worlds of education and business- we have 3 type of vocabulary- we have an active vocabulary- this active vocabulary we use most of all in out spoken speech- and it’s the one we are graded on the most- and its size in something around 2,800-3,500 words, this is what seems to be suggested a number of psychological text- and this related to our top end of educated people- with grades with in a (B-A+) range (3.8-4.0) I think is the USA counterpart- then we have a secondary vocabulary which consist of two parts- one is specialized terms-which is mostly related to work or training- technical terms- and the second part is related to our primary writing skills usage- and generally this size of this vocabulary is in the regions of 4,500-10,000 words- and then we have what is called an auxiliary vocabulary which is the biggest vocabulary of around 1,000,000 words- these are words we recognize if we see them yet don’t sever use in any functional way as they are not in our needed vernacular.

My numbers are only approximations- and are not set in stone- and are dependent, on a number of other factors like, if people are active readers, writers etc, level of education- high school- collage– and university, yet it is a rough outline of most educated people.

So I am going to present a two level integration- where the development of the memory and the building of an active vocabulary is a starting point, and will form the introduction frames of this adventure.

Now this is a basic level foundation and for many of you, some of the drills will not be required- and you have the choice as to what you decide take part in- i.e active or passive.

What I am going to introduce a modified version of a memory technique called the Anchorman list- the credit for this goes to a German lady called Vera F. Birkenbihl, who is a German educationalist and business consultant Vera F. Birkenbihl and if you read and Speak German- then that’s a link to her personal web site- I learnt about Vera via Paul Scheele’s Learning Strategies personal learning course called "The Memory Optimizer" - and you can check out what Paul as to offer via this link if you so wish- Learning Strategies I am not affiliated with Paul Scheele or Learning Strategies in any way- and am only sharing these links and references points because the quality of the products are worth sharing with others, Vera also has a number of “ YouTube” broadcast that you might want to check out- they are in German- yet just by watching them for a few minutes, you can tell that she has a super charged brain- just by watching how she presents herself in these broadcast.

So let me make a statement, all the training drills, and thought experiments, that I add to the blog- I am going to do them- in-between each new instalment-and what will happen as a result- from this integration, I will write about these experiences and how they are creating changes in my functioning- I will do these updates every 3 weeks- or so.

There is like I said before this blog as a dualistic aspect to it- yet I think its more than a two level communication, and I am working out away to create a balance between- flights of the imagination- and keep and strong reality base- and I am aware of a number of possible incongruities or what could be misread as being so..

So I hope you will allow some level of wooly or fussy thinking as the story unfolds- at least for the time being, as this really is an unprecedented learning opportunity- for you NLPer's, hypnotherapist and students of psychology.

So getting back to memory which I will cover in a number of other post as well- as memory is such a big subject, and there are a number of levels to memory that need to be covered in more detail.

So getting to the first set of training drills- and the Anchorman list.. The Anchorman list is going to become a mental filing system- which will give use speed access to what we build into our "memory-nets" So how we build an anchorman list is we take each letter of the alphabet and assign to it a specific associated peg-word- now what's important is that you make up your own meaningful anchorman list- it needs to be personal and spontaneous- meaning the first association that comes to the foreground of your mind is the key word your going to use- and as its only for your use- there is no limitation to the associations you could use- yet once you have made your choice its your permanent- set reference points.

So we are going to start the Anchorman list- yet we are going to construct that Anchorman list out of sequence- and it's an important aspect of this process to do so.

Primary Anchorman Peg List

1 is A = Anchorman 11 is K = King Kong 17 is Q = Quincy (ME)

23 is W = Walkers Crisps 7 is G = Gold Finger 19 is S = Steven Segal

Now what's important about learning and integration is chucking the task down in to brain friendly bites- so you have the fist six memory pegs- and it's important that you drill them a number of times, so you know them by heart- and know them forwards-backwards and in and out of sequence- which is one of the primary reasons of constructing the list out of sequence in the first place, so you have to pay a little extra attention in creating a multi-sensory representation of each of the Anchorman pegs.

Now I know this is might be a little tough for some of you- I know I am feeling a little uncomfortable, because it's a root memory- method- yet once we have it integrated and learned by heart- we have the first stepping stones to developing a razor sharp powerful memory- and I will get into many, many practical applications over the course of the next several months.

So a functional memory requires a number of things- one is order- and we will have a filing system with 26 pegs- once we have completed the Anchorman list- that will go from A-Z memory also needs a set of base associations- and our Anchorman system will give use that- as well, once we have our primary Anchorman List- then Building auxiliary list will allow us to have a series of base associations- which will lend to the process of learning huge amounts of data- yet I will get to that in other post.

It's suggested that we have two types of memory- "short term" and long "term memory" and I will be addressing some specific strategies on how to develop both- again in later installments.

26 is Z= Zoologist 15 is O = Oreo Biscuit 3 is C = Cat Woman

12 is L = Lemonade 5 is E = Eggplant 24 is X = X-rated

Right now if you are tagging along and taking part in the building of your own anchorman list- then as a remember- we have 5 senses- What we See, what we Hear, what we Feel what we smell and what we taste, the sense we are going to be working primary is our visual memory- now its a common thing for people to say that they can see mental images- yet as long as you can imagine how something sense- they it will have the same effect- that we are aiming for- it stands to reason, that you have a pretty good visual memory- the reason being is if you have a functioning visual cortex- then you have to be seeing and reading this- and making sense out of it- if you could not construct visual data than how can you be making sense of this text? What's you phone number? again you have to go inside a read it of- what colour if your front door? again a visual base reference- what tends to get in the way of holding an internal image for any length of time is the speed that which the image flashes up in your minds eye with out looking what colour are your socks and or shoes?

How do you tell the difference between a (b) and a (d) or a (g) and a (9) you have a visual constructed memory which is a plane simple neurological fact and later they will be some interesting brain related discussions that will open up some other topics as the blog grows.

18 is R = Rolling Stones 4 is D = Dendrites 22 is V = Volvo Cars

2 is B = Batman 8 is H = House (TV Dr.) 10 is J = Jackie Chan

21 is U = United Kingdom 9 is I = Indian Ink 6 is F = Fire cracker

So as you can see, each of my associations are unique and they hold a few natural associations with each other- so that way it will stick in memory and if they are easy to reproduce on command then what's what we are aiming for.

So What I am going to do over a series of several post is use the Anchorman list in a number of ways- to one start the process of building a powerful vocabulary-two cover a number of ways in which to to apply the Anchorman list to the topics of NLP and Hypnosis.

So coming up in a in the next week is going to be a huge fitness project that I a, going to be putting my self through- and I am going to be adding - that journey as part of this blog- I have a friend who is going to be part of this project- Alan Whitton and you can check his blog by clicking on his name.

I will also be making sure that the people I have learnt from will be credited, and I will be adding where possible links to their web sites- and I am only do that as a thank to them because they have helped me.

13 is M = Mars (Red Planet) 16 is P = POPEYE 25 is Y = Yahoo

20 is T - Teflon Pants 14 is N = Ninja

So that rounds up the Primary Anchorman List- I really did not think I would be writing so much- yet as I was constructing this post- piles and plies of associations- started to flow in to my consciousness- and considering I have been so lethargic in my mental pursuits over the last few years- I am getting a real sense that something very powerful will come out from this adventure-

So in the words of Sherlock Homes “The game is afoot” so until next time have fun.

Jay

]]> http://sprememba.wordpress.com/?p=3 Tue, 19 Aug 2008 19:56:12 +0000 sprememba http://sprememba.wordpress.com/?p=3

• Naučite se voditi in motivirati skozi dobre odnose s svojimi sodelavci, razvijte svoje voditeljske sposobnosti.

• Naučili se boste podajati snov na bolj zanimiv način z uporabo vseh čutilnih kanalov ter bolje vodili svoje slušatelje.

• Lažje boste vpostavili dober stik s stranko, stranke vas bodo bolje razumeli, ker boste podali informacije po njihovem primarnem čutilnem kanalu.

• Naučili se boste, kako ohraniti dobro počutje in trezno odločati tudi v najtežjih situacijah.

• Naučite se vpostaviti dober stik tudi z najbolj težavnimi strankami in pri tem ohranite svoje dobro počutje.

• S preverjenimi tehnikami, ki so jih uporabljali najboljši psihoterapevti boste povečali učinkovitost svojega dela s klienti.

• Lažje boste vzpostavili dober stik s pacienti, v pogovoru jih boste vodili v boljše počutje.

• Naučite se prepoznati potenciale v ljudeh in jih pravilno usmeriti in motivirati k razvoju teh potencialov.

• Naučite se spraviti v vrhunsko mentalno stanje, ki je značilno za zmagovalce, v vsakem trenutku.

Prijavite se še danes PRIJAVA

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-199157363013432854&hl=en]

By the way - I just wanted to let you know a bit about the Conversational Belief-Change & Sleight Of Mouth private programme I've got coming up soon:

One of the reasons I put together this blog to share this powerful stuff with you is because I'm really keen to ensure that only those really interested in conversational belief-change patterns and Sleight Of Mouth - would ever get here.

I want to tell you something straight from the outset -- this is NOT about another deck of cards.

There WILL be a Limited Edition card set - but that's just for starters...and this is where the whole 2% thing comes into play.

Let me quickly explain: There are many tens of thousands of people who get my weekly NLP Tip - thousands (more than I expected quite honestly) of you re-registered to get access to this blog...

...the challenge we're facing is that we've literally only produced enough of these packages to cater for less than 2% of our entire list of subscribers.

The reason I want to tell you about this is because I'm not interested in trying to use pressure or hypey tactics to offer this package...I'm immensely proud of what we've put together and I ONLY want it going to those who are going to use it...

so that's why I wanted to be up front and open with you about what will be happening pretty soon.

I realise this may be a bit vague -- that's because I'm not trying to sell you something -- in fact there's still nothing to buy yet.

I just want you to have all the facts before we let you in on this exclusive private programme.

I'll catch you tomorrow with another free video...this one will blow your mind!

Jamie

Jamie Smart

The results that I have gained from the practice of AT are astounding! I am using Dr. Kai Kermani's book, Autogenic Training: The Effective Way to Better Holistic Health. You can currently purchase this book used on Amazon.com for less than seven dollars! Dr. Kermani's book is easy to follow--the protocols are clearly outlined and repeated. His style comes across as somewhat negative, but if you can overlook that, the plan itself is excellent.

Comparative studies have shown significant positive effects for patients who used AT in a number of diagnoses. Personally, I have found it useful in reducing the effects of stress, and improving muscular flexibility.

Try it on! You may see that it fits...

Be well, and at peace,

Phil

Through the NLP processes and Sue's outstanding facilitation skills, Sue was able to deal with blockages that were preventing us from achieving our full potential. In truth, I was a little nervous about bringing partners along for the first time, however, I needn't have been - the 2 days were a highlight of my time as a Group Chairman with The Academy. I was also delighted that the members who'd previously been serious sceptics of NLP had a experienced a complete change of mindset by the end of the session. For me, this provided a renewed passion for NLP and for this development tool to enhance the whole of the Academy process. Experiential business learning® at its most profound!

The main take-aways from the session were: -

1. The need to embrace spiritual balancing to help achieve true greatness;
2. The use of clean questioning to enable us to listen and create rapport with others;
3. A deeper trust and connection between group members and partners;
4. The value of moving towards something rather than away from it.

Brian Chernett, Chairman Academy Group 2

The Academy for Chief Executives, a leading provider of experiential business learning® facilitates peer groups of CEOs and Managing Directors who meet together every month to network and take full advantage of experiential learning. To hear great speakers like this every month and engage in The Board You Could Never Afford®, to find out more about the London/Herts Group, or to find a local group near you, visit www.chiefexecutive.com.

Part 2 of 3

Part 3 of 3

Finally! The Bouncer Story 'Unpacked'

Be well, and at peace,

Phil

In January of this year my 7 year old daughter Katie choked on some food. And by choking I don't just mean it went down the wrong way and she had a bit of a cough. I mean her windpipe was completely blocked, she was no longer coughing. She is turning blue before my eyes. Katie stares straight at me with sheer panic and terror in her eyes. She is pleading, begging me to help her while she suffocates.

I grab her, turn her over and thump her hard on the back. Whack, whack whack. I know this must hurt but I have to get the blockage out. But it's no good. Her mouth opening and closing in a desperate attempt to get some air, any air into her lungs.

Frantic now I turn her round, wrap my arms tight around her ribs and crunch HARD - the full blown Heimlich manoeuvre. I'd learnt about it on a first aid course YEARS before. A gobbet of food goes flying several feet across the room. Katie goes limp in my arms, but... she takes an in-breath, then she starts to cough and if she can cough, she can breath. She's breathing again. I look at her face, distressed but relief flooding in. She's breathing. In and out. In and out. Great sweet gasps of air.

I thought that was the end of it but a day or so latter I noticed she was playing with her food rather than tucking in to her dinner with her usual healthy appetite. To say Katie is a good eater is an understatement. She is a wonderful eater, ready to try new foods, relishing textures and flavours, even foods considered strong for the adult pallet.

But she was only picking at her meal. I know that making a fuss is only ever counterproductive with Katie so left her to it thinking her hunger would simply kick in eventually.

When she was still not eating after days, and dark circles started to appear under her eyes, when her ribs started to show on her normally plump, healthy little body I started to get concerned. Then the school called to mention that Katie was not eating her school lunch. At our next meal I observed her taking a mouthful, chewing it and then putting it in her napkin to hide the fact that she could not swallow.

Katie was not eating! She was eating almost nothing at all. As a mother it seems to be hardwired into the very core of my being to feed and nurture my child. It is such a basic primitive instinct. Most mothers are familiar with the feeling of it actually hurting themselves when they hear their baby cry with hunger.

I sat down with Katie for one of our chats. "I'm just a nervous swallower now" she told me. Now fortunately I am a trainer of NLP and know a little about phobias, and fear, and the unconscious mind. Rather a lot actually.

I went away and constructed an intervention. First we did Time Line Therapy^(TM). "Ok Katie, remember where you Time Line is? Good, now float up above your Time Line, and go back out into the past to the moment just before you started to choke. Now. Where's the Fear?"

"It's gone Mummy"

"GONE? Are you sure, just check for me. Pop down into your body back at that time... is the fear all gone?"

"no it's all gone. I remember you hitting me on the back - that really hurt you know!"

"I know I'm sorry - I was trying to help"

"It's OK I know you were, I'm glad you did that big squeeze thing - that worked"

"Yeah me too.... Ok now float up above your time line again and come back to now."

Katie's healthy appetite has returned. She eats well. Katie is healthy; she is back to her normal weight and her strong self again.

So when people ask - does NLP work with kids - I can say from direct experience YES. It works with kids too.

n.b please do NOT use this technique unless you are a certified practitioner of NLP and Time Line Therapy (TM). Unless properly and fully trained you can cause someone to fully associate into a traumatic memory which without the skills of NLP you will not be equipped to handle.

Do you want to heal and change yourself and others? Enrol on our next NLP Practitioner course now. Includes Time Line Therapy, Hypnosis, and NLPCoaching Certifications.

Places are limited so early booking always advisable.

About a month ago, my buddy Sam Jeffries on NLP Connections posted four questions. Here is how I answered them:

"Imagine you are lying in bed dying with no hope of really getting out of bed with much strength."

What would you regret not doing? Nothing. Regrets are not part of my belief system.

What would you wished you'd done? Too many things to list, mostly around travel and singing.

Who would you talk to? What would you say? I would call up everyone in my life who did something to keep me moving towards hope and away from despair (at some time in my life), and simply say "thank you."

What advice would you pass on to those? Remember that there are no ordinary moments. Pay attention!

In particular, let's look at the third question.

A couple of weeks ago, I started thinking, "why am I waiting until my deathbed?" It's time to start doing this right now. And I did! Two emails, first of all, but emails really don't do the same thing. So, I made a phone call today, to a professor from my undergraduate alma mater, Indiana State University. We had a delightful conversation, and I had the opportunity to share with him my gratitude for his gently aiding in guiding my somewhat rudderless craft through those treacherous years.

I'm working my way down the list, and constructing the list as I go, as well. Who knows, you may be added to it!

I met another hero this afternoon at the Umbrella Girl fountain. He doesn't know that he is my hero, and he may never. I don't for sure remember his name, but the name ringing in my ear right now is Bob, so that's what I'm going with.

Here's where we were today:

Grace's Garden

(Thanks to Rich Stadler for that video)

So, Bob sat in his motorized wheelchair, and I sat on my bench, reading Comfortable With Uncertainty.

I kept hoping he would talk to me. People came and went. Then he wheeled his chair over.

"This is the most peaceful place in the city." I agreed, and told him that it was my favorite place in the park. He told me that he knew Grace, and what a wonderful person she was. He also shared that he used to live in the neighborhood, but now that his mobility was more restricted (which, by the way, will seem to be a relative term to you in a moment), he has to live in a facility just north of downtown--about five miles away. So, I asked him, "how did you get all the way down here to Schiller Park?" "In my wheelchair!" He said. He actually made quite an excursion of it, stopping at the Claremont for lunch (which I hear is very good). He then went on to tell tales about places he had gone in that wheelchair, and as my eyes got larger, his smile became bigger.

When he had no more tales to tell for that moment, he simply wheeled himself away, and said, "peace to you."

I was overwhelmed with the simple courage of this man who some might say is limited in his ability. What limits? May we all have such limits in our lives, if this be the case. Here was obviously a man whose map was incredibly flexible, and whose menu of limiting beliefs was very small, if existent at all...

Bob, you are my hero. And I hope I got your name right!

Oh, and I'm working on the other questions as well...

Be well, and at peace,

Phil

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1307439917852290571&hl=en]

Jamie

P.S. I promised you an important announcement and so here it is -- you see a lot of people have been wondering whether there's anything to BUY which would allow someone to really master Conversational Belief Change and Sleight Of Mouth beyond just a book or a CD...well here's the thing:

There isn't.

But - there will be.

I am putting the finishing touches to a Limited Edition Programme that I'll be offering very soon. But I'm afraid you can't buy it yet.

What I wanted to do was give you a chance to really see Sleight Of Mouth & Conversational Belief Change IN ACTION so that you can make your own mind up about it's potential for simply incredible results.

Once I'm ready to open the doors on this programme I'll let you know - in case you're interested to get on board.

One things for certain -- the best place to be to ensure you get all the latest news and free videos about this too-often-overlooked linguistic art - is right here.

Like my last post, The Secret to Self-Hypnosis. That "key" to creating a self-hypnotic state was a real mystery to me and now it's not. And I am now able to put myself into a state I am thoroughly convinced is a state of hypnosis and then guide myself to my desired goals. It's a great feeling.

And now I come to "The Secret to Building Rapport and the Challenge of Boredom."

Since this blog is called, "Short Attention Span Blog," I'll try to keep it short and not go into all the details that lead up to my discovery. I'll just cut to the 'reveal'.

I've been studying the subject of rapport and how to create it (induce it, might be more accurate), how to build it and how to maintain it. But I've run into a major problem.

To create rapport you're suppose to ask people all kinds of 'you' centered questions, questions about themselves and their interests while you show great interest in everything they say, handing back to them the conversational ball as they reveal more and more to you.

The problem? Actually two, but I'll deal with the main one: I'm not usually too terribly interested in them. A grave sin, I know. But I'm just not.

And be honest, much of the time they're not very interesting to YOU either!

(Let me correct that. I'm (we're) not interested in them as they are usually presenting themselves in whatever social setting we are meeting in. But let's not get sidetracked into that.)

The solution? Make them interesting. That is, interesting to US. To you and me.

How?

Ask them questions about themselves that WE (you and me) are interested to know about.

For example, yesterday I was in a social situation with a lot of new people and I was half-trying to create and maintain rapport with the couple of different people I was talking to. But at the end of the day I'm not sure I was successful. They seemed intent on asking me about my work and such and they seemed very interested in everything I had to say. It was a little disconcerting! LOL!!

Anyway, one of the people I spoke to was a woman about my age named 'Toni' who owned her own business. But instead of talking directly about her business after I've asked her about it, she's asking me questions about my work and how it might impact her business. But the focus is totally on my work. She never even told me what her business is.

Now, today, I'm thinking perhaps what I could have done was ask her not only about her business, but those aspects of starting and running a successful business that I'M interested in. About the psychology of succeeding in her business, facing and overcoming the mental and emotional challenges she faced. And those she continues to face.

This might work because it is something I am truly interested in and would really like to know. So I might not be so easily distracted back onto questions about myself.

And in my conversation with 'Brian', I could have asked him about how he motivates himself and his clients and the mental and emotional challenges he faces and how he overcomes them day to day.

In other words, by my questions I could have made both of them more interesting TO ME.

And I wouldn't have had to FAKE IT.

(Which is exactly how I always felt about Dale Carnegie's suggestions in "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Fake interest, he seemed to really be saying; but do it sincerely!)

And in addition to showing them real interest and learning from them, I could have gained their approbation by independently reinforcing for them those behaviors, habits and strategies they were using successfully (or struggling to use), directing their attention to the positive outcomes they gain by continuing to do what works for them. In other words, I could have used covert persuasion and sudden influence strategies to strengthen their commitment to doing the best behaviors for their success.

How does that sound? Pretty good to me.

I can't wait to test it.

God's Best to You.

Tom K.

Det at lede sin tilstand er ikke noget vi er bevidste om i hverdagen. Det er nok nærmere sådan, at det er tilstanden der leder os, med de deraf affødte resultater.

Da jeg startede
Jeg oplevede en spændende verden, med masser af muligheder og en højere grad af lykke i mit liv, da jeg kom i gang med at lede min tilstand eller nærmere de følelser der ligger bag tilstanden. Ja, egentligt levede jeg med den overbevisning at mine følelser og dermed min tilstand var styret genetisk, og var en reaktion på de oplevelser jeg kom ud for igennem livet. Men jeg blev klogere, og i dag er jeg SELV den ansvarlige og nyder den succesoplevelse det er. Jeg sammenligner det med at blive selvstændig i sit eget liv, hvor jeg tidligere nærmere var ansat af en chef der hed Hr. Tilfældighed.

Min vej gik over NLP som har givet mig så meget i livet. Det har resulteret i at jeg har startet en virksomhed der arbejder med ledelsesudvikling og ved siden af levere NLP uddannelser. Det at give andre muligheden for at blive deres egen leder i livet, giver mig stor glæde og udsætter mig for et spændende lærende miljø. I firma hedder HUMI, det er forbogstaverne u HUman Mind, for at indikerer at det er netop dette potentiale vi arbejder med. Der er lige nu planlagt NLP Odense og NLP København uddannelser som du kan høre mere om på www.humi.dk

I got much more than I bargained for. But, then again, I always do. I just never know how I will ahead of time.

After Jack greeted me and shook my hand, I sat down. It wasn't until I was in the chair that I looked around, and noticed that he had taken all of his things off of the walls.

Evidently all the tenants in his building are being evicted. So, here we go again. The momentary gasp, and then the amazing story unfolds. What I witness is a man who seizes opportunity with both fists and gets to work. More about that later.

But what happened next, I was hardly prepared for.

He started talking about time, and how it distorts.

"You know," he said, "the older you get, Phil, the faster time flies by."

"Well, I guess so," said I, not really thinking about it too much. He must have sensed that, because he put the clippers down for a second.

"Do you remember when you were 13?"

"Barely."

"Ok, now jump ahead to 25. How about then?"

"Uh, yeah, I do (things begin to distort, and I'm beginning to see what he's saying)."

"Now go to the age you are now."

ZOOM.

I saw what he meant. And that's about all I could say to him. So there, I sat, dumbfounded, in the chair, while he continued to give me the most exquisite flattop known to humanity, and we continue our conversation of the distortion of space and time. Jack is a master at the haircut. He is a real barber's barber. He is in the flow. My head is the only canvas in this artist's world when I sit in that chair. I have rarely seen anyone more focused on anything than when he cuts hair. He sees my whole head and every hair, all at once! Talk about expanding your field of vision. He also compliments my natural ability to wear this retro hair cut. "Not everyone can wear one," he says, "but yours stays nice and flat for a long time. I would love to wear one, but after three days..."

I step out of the chair, looking sharper than ever, and feeling ten times taller than when I first sat down. That's worth any price.

I pay him, shake his hand, and wish him well with a smile.

Everyone should get a haircut like this at least just once...

Be well, and at peace,

Sudah sejak beratus-ratus tahun lamanya sang kepala suku memimpin
ritual upacara meminta hujan. Dengan diiringi nyanyian dan puji-
pujian serta tari-tarian; dia memanjatkan doa. Meminta supaya sang
penguasa langit bersedia menurunkan hujan. Dan penguasa bumi mau
mengubah sosok hujan itu menjadi sumber kehidupan. Maka, selama
ratusan tahun itu pula mereka selalu mendapatkan hujan yang
diharapkan. Namun, beberapa tahun terakhir ini, ritual itu sudah
tidak seampuh dulu lagi. Hujan tidak lagi kunjung tiba, meski ritual
dan doa-doa itu terus dikumandangkan. Ketika sirna segala harapan,
maka pilihan terakhir yang mereka bisa lakukan adalah; pergi
meninggalkan tempat itu. Meninggalkan tempat penuh kenangan.
Meninggalkan segala peradaban yang pernah mereka bangun selama
beratus-ratus tahun.

Bertahun-tahun kemudian, seseorang datang ke desa yang tidak lagi
bertuan itu. Kemudian, dia menurunkan tongkat kayu yang digunakan
untuk menyangga bungkusan bekal dipundaknya. Lalu, dia menggunakan
tongkat kayu itu untuk menggali. Setelah sekian lama menggali dalam
susah dan payah, akhirnya dia menemukan tanah yang basah. Wajahnya
berubah menjadi cerah. Ada seberkas harap tersamar disana. Dia terus
menggali. Sekarang, dia menemukan tetesan-tetasan air. Dia terus
menggali. Sekarang ada sebuah lubang kecil dimana air itu memancar.
Dia terus menggali. Sekarang lubang yang digalinya sudah berkembang
menjadi kubangan. Dia menggali lagi. Waaah, sekarang, kubangannya
telah berubah menjadi sebuah sumur!

Mungkin kita mengira bahwa orang-orang primitif itu kurang cerdas.
Mereka tidak cukup pintar untuk berpikir tentang menggali sumur.
Sehingga, mereka percaya bahwa ritual doa yang sudah digunakannya
selama beratus-ratus tahun itu adalah satu-satunya cara untuk
mendapatkan air kehidupan. "Yah, namanya juga orang primitif,"
barangkali kita menganggap demikian. Tapi, tidakkah kita ingat bahwa
kita yang mengklaim diri sebagai manusia modern ini sering sekali
bertindak dan bersikap layaknya manusia-manusia primitif?

"Maksud eloh?"
Maksud saya; kita sering ingat untuk berdoa, namun sering lupa untuk
menggali. Kita meminta sesuatu, tapi lupa bahwa untuk mendapatkannya
kita harus bersedia membayar harganya. Kita mengira bahwa semua hal
yang kita inginkan dimuka bumi ini bisa didapatkan hanya dengan
sekedar meminta. Padahal. Tidak. Oleh karena itu, tidak mengherankan
jika begitu banyak hal yang kita dambakan, tetapi tidak kunjung kita
dapatkan. Kita sering merasa patah arang karenanya. Tapi, kita jarang
sadar, bahwa kita harus mengimbangi permintaan kita itu dengan usaha
yang pantas. Yang bisa menjadi dasar kuat agar keinginan kita itu
terkabulkan.

Kepada Tuhan kita berdoa; "Tuhan, berikanlah kepadaku ini dan itu."
Tetapi, tindakan kita tidak menunjukkan bahwa kita pantas
mendapatkannya. Padahal, jika kita tahu Tuhan itu maha adil, itu
berarti bahwa Tuhan akan memperlakukan manusia sesuai dengan
kontribusi masing-masing bagi hidupnya. Tidak mungkin yang maha adil
memberi lebih banyak dan lebih berkah kepada orang-orang yang
berusaha lebih sedikit.

Kepada perusahaan, kita mengajukan tuntutan:"Naikkan gajiku sepuluh
persen." Tetapi, kualitas kerja kita tahun ini tidak ada bedanya
dengan yang tahun lalu. Kita tidak menaikkan kinerja kita tahun ini
sebesar 10% dari tahun lalu. Padahal, jika kita tahu perusahaan itu
bukan badan amal, itu berarti perusahaan hanya akan sanggup menaikkan
gaji karyawan jika pendapatannya juga ada peningkatan. Tidak mungkin
perusahaan yang untungnya tidak bertambah, harus menanggung beban
pembayaran semakin besar.

Kepada negara, kita meminta;"Penguasa. Penguasa. Beeerilah hambaamu
uuuang. Beri hamba uang…. Beri hambaaa uuuuaaaaang. " Tetapi,
kesempatan yang kita miliki sehari-hari tidak digunakan untuk
melakukan tindakan produktif. Kita tidak datang dengan inisiatif.
Padahal, jika kita tahu mereka itu penguasa, itu berarti bahwa mereka
bukan abdi rakyat. Tidak mungkin yang bukan abdi rakyat mengabdi
untuk rakyat.

Kita ini mirip manusia-manusia primitif. Ingat berdoa kelangit
diatas, lupa menggali ketanah dibawah. Kita sering mengawang-awang
dengan angan-angan dan keinginan yang menjulang. Namun, jarang ingat
bahwa kaki kita menginjak tanah dimana usaha dan kerja keras
diperlukan. Mungkin, itulah sebabnya guru mengaji saya dimasa kecil
berkata;"Tuhan tidak akan mengubah nasib suatu kaum, sampai mereka
sendiri benar-benar melakukan perubahan-perubahan yang
diinginkannya. "

Apakah itu bararti bahwa Tuhan berlepas tangan? Tuhan telah membuat
hukum yang berlaku universal. Dan, alam sudah menandatangani naskah
hukum itu. Jadilah dia hukum milik alam. Kita menyebutnya hukum alam.
Dengan hukum itu, alam berjanji kepada Tuhan; jika suatu benda
dijatuhkah dia akan meluncur ke tanah. Jika hutan digunduli, air
tidak meresap kedalam tanah. Jika lingkungan dirusak, bencana alam
merangsek. Alam juga berjanji bahwa; orang yang bekerja lebih baik,
mendapatkan hasil yang lebih baik. Mereka yang menggunakan systemnya
secara lebih efisien, menghasilkan kinerja yang lebih memuaskan.
Manusia yang menggunakan waktunya untuk hal-hal positif, memperoleh
hasil positif. Menurut pendapat anda; Kepada mahluk yang menyia-
nyiakan hidupnya, alam akan memberikan apa?

Dengan hukum itu, Tuhan memberi manusia begitu banyak pilihan. Kamu
mau jadi orang baik, silakan. Kamu mau jadi orang buruk juga boleh.
Anda memilih untuk sukses, itu bagus. Anda lebih suka menjadi manusia
gagal, tak ada halang rintang. Anda ingin menjadi pemenang? Selamat
berjuang. Anda memilih menjadi pecundang? Siapa yang bisa melarang?
Ya, Tuhan. Ternyata, Dia memberi manusia kesempatan untuk melakukan
apa saja. Belok kiri. Atau belok kanan. Putar balik. Atau terus lurus
kedepan. Bukankah itu yang kita sebut sebagai kemerdekaan?

Kemerdekaan yang tidak melulu soal bule-bule yang ngacir karena tidak
tahan dengan ketajaman si bambu runcing. Kemerdekaan yang tidak
semata-mata peringatan setahun sekali saat tujuh belasan, seperti
hari ini. Dan upacara rutin di tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Ini tentang
kemerdekaan individu yang sengaja diberikan Tuhan. Kepada setiap
insan. Kemerdekaan untuk menjadi diri sendiri. Kemerdekaan untuk
mengeksplorasi potensi diri. Kemerdekaan untuk berlomba menjadi
manusia terbaik. Kemerdekaan untuk berkontribusi. Kemerdekaan. Untuk
mengubah. Nasib. Diri sendiri.

Kemerdekaan untuk memilih hitam atau putih. Putih. Atau merah. Merah
atau putih? Atau merah dan putih. Merah dicampur putih. Menjadi merah
dan putih. Merah itu darah yang mengalirkan energi kehidupan. Putih
itu hati yang bersih. Memilih merah dan putih, berarti memilih untuk
menjadi manusia yang dipenuhi oleh energi untuk kehidupan, dengan
disertai hati yang bersih. Sehingga dengan merah dan putih itu, kita
berani memproklamirkan diri sendiri sebagai manusia yang mampu
memberi makna positif bagi kehidupan. Karena, setiap tindak tanduk
dalam hidup, selalu dibarengi dengan hati yang putih bersih. Merah
saja tanpa putih, hanya menjadikan kita manusia yang berdaya saing
tinggi, tapi tidak punya nurani. Putih saja tanpa merah, hanya
menjadikan kita manusia pasrah yang tidak menghasilkan pencapaian
bermakna. Merah dan putih memang harus disatukan. Menjadi satu warna
utuh; merah putih. Lalu kita memeluknya erat. Hingga dia melebur
dengan jiwa dan raga kita. Agar didalam dada kitalah. Sang merah
putih itu. Berkibar.

Diambil dari

DKADARUSMAN

Tiba-tiba Ibu Guru Sarina berkata,"Ini buku siapa, ya? Oh, bukunya Riska. Aduh, Riska tulisan kamu kok jelek amat, ya? Anak laki-laki saja tulisannya lebih bagus dari kamu. Masa tulisan kamu seperti ini? Coba diusahakan menulis lebih bagus dari ini." Sejenak terdengar tawa kecil dari beberapa temannya.

Riska yang diam-diam mengidolakan ibu gurunya yang pintar, cantik dan anggun itu tersentak kaget. Sejenak kepalanya jadi berkunang-kunang dan butir-butir peluh mengalir deras dari dahinya. Berpuluh-puluh pertanyaan berputar-putar di atas kepalanya yang pening seketika begitu mendengar komentar lantang Bu Guru Sarina di depan kelas.

"Kok, Ibu Sarina tega bicara keras-keras begitu di depan semua teman-temanku. Mengapa ia tidak diam-diam memberitahukan padaku sepulang sekolah, ketika teman-teman lain sudah tidak ada?”
"Kok, baru sekarang sesudah tahun kedua belajar, Ibu Sarina menyadari bentuk tulisanku..."
"Kenapa tulisanku begitu jelek? Apa yang harus kulakukan supaya tulisanku bagus?"
"Mengapa anak lain semua tulisannya bagus-bagus, buktinya dari 50 anak kelas ini hanya aku yg disebutkan keras-keras di depan kelas..."

Sekilas dari sudut matanya melihat beberapa anak sepertinya sedang menertawakan dirinya. Seluruh sisa pelajaran hari itu sudah tidak terdengar lagi di telinga kecil Riska. Ketika akhirnya bel pulang sekolah berbunyi dan doa pulang selesai diucapkan, Riska bergegas keluar dari ruang kelas.

Sepanjang perjalanan pulang, ia merasa amat sedih dan berkecil hati. Wajah Ibu Guru Sarina yang begitu ia idolakan dan teman-teman sekelas yang mencibir di kepalanya berganti-ganti memenuhi kepalanya.

Setiba di rumah, ia segera melesat naik ke kamarnya dan duduk di meja belajar kecilnya. Lalu, menarik sebuah buku. Entah di buku bekas apa, ia mulai menulis di halaman belakang itu. Ia menulis apa saja yang bisa ia tulis dengan sebaik-baiknya dan serapi-rapinya. Tapi apa daya, tulisannya tetap saja tidak bisa seindah tulisan Merina yang indah ataupun Glenn yang begitu rapi dan teratur. Karena sangat marah dan kecewa, Riska mencoret-coret seluruh tulisan tangan yang sudah dilatihnya tadi sambil terus menangis.

Tidak pernah ia ketahui; mungkin juga Ibu Sarina, bahwa bentuk tulisan tangan seseorang merupakan ciri dari orang tersebut dan sangat khas. Sulit sekali untuk merubahnya lagi jika sudah terbentuk.

Yang ia tahu, ia merasa bersalah atas tulisannya yang jelek. Ia begitu kecewa, marah dan membenci dirinya sendiri. Juga Ibu Sarina; ibu guru yang selalu dihormati dan diidolakannya.

Perceptul Positions : Kunci memahami orang lain

Kisah di atas bukanlah sebuah cerita rekaan melainkan sebuah kisah nyata yang benar-benar terjadi puluhan tahun yang lalu terhadap orang yang sangat saya kenal. Dan kisah-kisah yang mirip seperti ini masih saja terjadi hingga hari ini dan terus melukai perasaan banyak anak di seluruh negeri ini. Akibat dari perasaan luka tersebut dapat terbawa hingga dewasa dan boleh menjadi sebuah believed system bagi dirinya. Dapat menjadi believed system yang bermanfaat atau malah menjadi sesuatu yang mensabotase dirinya untuk maju.

Selaku orangtua, kadang kita ingin melindungi ataupun memberikan yang terbaik bagi putera-puteri tercinta, hanya sayangnya maksud yang baik tersebut malah seringkali diterjemahkan sebaliknya oleh anak-anak kita.

Himbauan untuk rajin dan giat belajar dari orangtua diterjemahkan menjadi pengekangan dan pengukungan oleh anak-anak. Kritikan atau masukan tentang penampilan anak di atas panggung diterjemahan oleh anak sebagai bentuk tidak adanya penghargaan atas usaha anak.

Dalam banyak kesempatan, baik di seminar ataupun pelatihan tentang pengasuhan anak, saya selalu mendapatkan pertanyaan-pertanyaan seperti di atas. Dan seringkali pula saya tidak mau memberikan jawaban secara langsung, melainkan saya persilahkan sang penanya untuk ke depan forum dan meminta seorang sukarelawan lainnya untuk menemani. Apa yang kami lakukan di depan forum? Berlatih Perceptual Positions!

Caranya :

1. Kami berbagi peran sebagai Orang ke-1, Orang ke-2 dan Orang ke-3.
2. Contoh : Sang Penanya sebagai orang pertama (Orangtua), Sang Sukarelawan sebagai orang kedua (Anak) dan saya sebagai orang ketiga (Pengamat)
3. Saya meminta Sang Penanya memperlihatkan bagaimana caranya berkomunikasi dengan anaknya untuk sebuah masalah “X” dan menunjukan juga bagaimana anaknya merespon terhadap gaya komunikasinya.
4. Sang Sukarelawan (Orang ke-2) memperhatikan dan meniru gaya anaknya merespon sampai semirip mungkin. Sang Penanya yang akan memberikan feedback agar kepada Orang ke-2 agar dapat meniru gaya komunikasi anaknya.
5. Setelah sudah sesuai, maka kami masuk ke sesi pertama : memainkan drama komunikasi Orangtua (Orang ke-1) dengan Anak (Orang ke-2). Saya sebagai Orang ke-3 hanya bertugas mengamati dan memberikan feedback agar drama menjadi tampak lebih nyata.
6. Sesi kedua, kami semua bertukar peran. Orang ke-2 kali ini menjadi Orang ke-1 (Orangtua), Saya menjadi Orang ke-2 (Anak), lalu Orang ke-1 menjadi Orang ke-3 (Pengamat). Lalu kami ulangi lagi drama dengan jalan cerita yang sama persis seperti sesi pertama. Orang ke-3 akan memberikan feedback jika masih ada yang belum sesuai.
7. Sesi ketiga, kembali semua orang bertukar peran ke peran yang belum diperankan sebelumnya.

Walau standar prosedur yang lengkap adalah sampai sesi ketiga, tetapi kadang baru sampai pada sesi kedua saja (jika semua syarat dan ketentuan dilakukan dengan benar. Red.) Sang Penanya akan tercenung dan langsung membuat pernyataan bahwa dia akan belajar untuk lebih memahami anaknya. Yang lebih ajaib lagi adalah para penonton yang memperhatikan dengan sungguh-sungguh jalannya latihan; pada sesi pertama saja sudah banyak yang memahami apa yang sedang terjadi.

Akhirnya pada sesi penutupan dalam setiap pelatihan kami diambil alih oleh para penonton yang berlomba-lomba ingin sharing. Hidup mendadak menjadi lebih indah daripada biasanya....

Pertanyaan :
Dalam berbagai kesempatan berkomunikasi baik dengan orang lain; anak ataupun dengan pasangan. Pernahkan kita mencoba memahami makna apa yang ingin mereka sampaikan? Selamat berlatih Perceptual Positions!