I never thought I would say that, much less out loud, but there it is. Dad has never pushed either of us to take up golf, and honestly I hadn’t given it five seconds of thought until last fall. Several work friends convinced me to hit the driving range with them one afternoon, and OH MY GOD it was fun. I totally sucked and they had to show me how to hold the club, but when you get a good one and actually see the ball go up and out and sail over the grass, it’s such a rush.

So I’m getting ready to start taking lessons (thanks Dad!) and just got my first glove and one club to get started, a 6 iron. Chip and I have been using these old crappy hand-me-downs, but I think those clubs are older than me. It was time for an upgrade.

We each got a new (-er) (used) club yesterday and went to the driving range, which is becoming a habit. I love it that it’s something we can do together and be outside and I can get all perfectionist and focused on something new. Eventually I will get off the driving range and start actually playing real golf … I’m really looking forward to going out with Dad and Chip and friends at work.

Please don't tell my 20-year-old hippie self. She would never forgive me.

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So nun aber seit ein paar Tagen, ohne das ich mir den Zeh gestossen habe, tut er wieder höllisch weh und fängt an sich ein wenig dunkel zu verfärben.

Soll ich mal zum Arzt, oder soll ich warten, bis er mir von alleine abfällt? :-)

Have you seen this? this is whats been keeping me so busy on the workfront.

I'm spending this evening musing over my kid's birthday party pictures. am awed at how she is growing, and has grown.

last night i saw will and his new abode and toby asleep on the bed. heather nova and singing the parlotones out loud.and laughing, laughing, laughing at ourselves as we tire by 11pm and think "ten years ago, we were just raring up to go out". im so proud of will. so much change, so quickly, and yet so firmly in control he is.

then to bed to snuggle and be warm with my person.

then sunshine and breakfast and carwashes and paper reading and snuggles and happy. smiling. happy.

then clearing of inbox and pizza making and cuddles with cameron who proclaims "i am not a baby. i dont need these things anymore". i am so proud of her.

"i missed you lots mommy"

i missed you too cameron macaroni, asleep as you are now, in your moo cow pyjamas.

and as i sit here about to bid adieu to a wonderful day, i muse and smile and well, literally, i has a happee.

Zaza could look like this lil' darlin'.

Tomorrow is officially the start of our sixth month of being waiting parents for our little Colombian daughter.  Adoption is a weird deal.  It messes with your emotions.  You get hooked on the idea and you cannot stop the daydreaming about your child that you haven't met. 

There were several little girls Zaza's age around the house this week.  They are busy little bees. It makes me question our advanced ages for adopting a 3-5 year old.  I just keep quoting my mantra, "I was in my thirties when she was born.  I was in my thirties when she was born."  It makes me feel like I'm youngish and ready for a pre-school age child.  DRE-E-E-E-EAM, DREAM DREAM DRE-EAM.

On nights like tonight when I'm dead-dog tired, I wonder if I will hold up like the days of old when I had my first go-around with young children.  Looking back I seemed invincible.  I handled it all so effortlessly.  I'm not feeling invincible these days. And nothing is effortless anymore.  Is it my age?  Or is it just the pre-camp counselor blues?  Did I mention DEAD-dog tired?

On a cherrier note, I cannot wait to hold Zaza in my arms and kiss her and wet her black hair with my happy tears.  I'm sure that'll be a new deal for her... someone that is so happy to see her... overcome with joy... and crying crocodile tears.  I'm not the poker face type.  I'm more the wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve type.  I think Zaza will appreciate it... on maybe the eighth day, or ninth. 

Mama's coming, Zaza.  Hold on, girl!

www.bagsforzaza.blogspot.com   and    www.LindaCrosby.com

I'm supposed to be cleaning my house.  We have a family of ten coming over tonight for dinner.  I'm drawn to things that don't need to be done... and turn my head from those things calling me names.  Names like "Miss. Piggy" and "messy" and "bad housekeeper" and "disgraceful."  That last one is ultra-applicable as my mother's name is Grace and she's a clean freak.  Sorry, Mom.

Why, oh why, did we choose horizontal dust-magnet blinds for every single blinkin' window in this house?  It seems like they are always covered with a layer of fuzz... even the day after I clean them.  I need to market my phenomenal wonder of an idea.... flocked blinds.  They will be delivered to your door with a layer of decorative fuzziness already on them... and they'll always look clean.  Can't you just hear the sales pitch???  "And these flocked blinds NEVER need cleaning!"  It will be a QVC smashing hit.  I'm sure of it.

And baseboards.  It was a man who invented baseboards because he couldn't cut straight lines in the sheet-rock to have it line up with the flooring.... creating yet another cleaning opportunity for the woman in his life.  Once upon a time, my baseboards were really and truly white.  Now they're the color of almost chocolate milk... like when the Quick ran out too soon. 

The plethora of engaging items drawing my attention away from cleaning are unbelievable.  The weeds grew overnight.  They need to be pulled NOW.  I know our guests will already have assumptions about my housekeeping, but my yard could be my excuse if it is weeded.   But it's 107 degrees and it's not even noon.  Weeding will have to wait until wintertime.

The boys have built a blanket fort using 4 mattresses, Zaza's purple canopy bed and all the sheets from the linen closet.  I asked them to put it all away before our guests arrive.  They looked at me like I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead.  "We built the fort to play in with THEM!"   Oh.  Well, I won't have to vacuum that room.  Maybe I could throw the load of dirty sheets in there too... and eliminate one load of laundry.

Did I forget to mention that camp is in two days (Yes, I'm going to be "dorm staff" for screaming little girls for a week) and I just threw in load #1 of 8.  In my next house, I'm having a laundry room on the same floor as the bedrooms, behind a secret door with a big screen tv in there, plush carpet with triple padding so it will feel like I want to go in there.  I can play the movie Miss Potter all the time, and dance with one of my husband's dirty shirts to "Shall I teach you how to dance."

Maybe I simply need to get some matching pink cleaning supplies.  Then I'll want to clean the house. 

One can dream.

Mommy: "Kaylynn, who's the boss?"

Kaylynn: "I'm boss!"

Mommy: "Well, who died and made you boss?"

Kaylynn: "The boss!"

And one day when Rob was trying to get her to give him a hug, and she was already busy trying to finish something.

Papa: "Kaylynn, can I have a hug?"

Kaylynn: "Hold on"

Papa: "PLEASE, can I have a hug?"

Kaylynn: "Hold on."

Papa: (Going into reverse psychology mode) "Kaylynn can't have a hug, Papa's going to give Aidan a hug. (He hugs Aidan)

Kaylynn: (Now she's sad, she wants a hug) "Kaylynn wants hug."

Papa: "Ok, come give me a hug"

Kaylynn: "...Hold on..."

I’m not scared of having another child. I don’t doubt for a second that Cameron would thrive on having a sibling. I know, from my life experience, that having siblings is important. I’m one of three, see? And my brother and sister have always been the best comfort, and the best adversaries, in life.

So why not, Cath? When you know, from your own life, how wondrous it is to have someone else to take your parents’ crap with? You know, blog, I remember one night, I was very little and all hell was breaking loose at home, and my sister and brother and I sat out on the lawn at night, huddled in a blanket and hugged. And we spoke of things that didn’t matter to the world then but, did to us, and whether or not anything or nothing could be fixed. I also remember, blog, the fights and chaos we three could cause and have. Wine on the wall, bite marks on tummies, loud music all the time. My sister’s glee when I called her into the bathroom and showed her a stick I had peed on with two lines appearing. My brother turning one of my poems into a song he strummed out on his guitar.  

So why not, Cath? It’s really quite simple, blog. I’m not ready. True, I under-rate myself. I was not ready last time, either. And I firmly, firmly, believe that you are never ready to be a parent, no matter how much money or security or love you have to give. You realise that at 3am when you’re covered in vomit, work deadlines looming and a bank manager who uses your name with disdain. You realise that you are never ready to be a parent on the day you get called Mama for the first time, and can’t believe the love that flows from you, and to you, so you just cry and hold on the tighest you ever have. You realise you are never ready to be a parent when you have to make the tough choices, and remove people from your child’s life who she loves, and yet, life forces them to go.  You realise you are never ready to be a parent when your child is lying in hospital, you are the most scared you have ever been, and you spend the whole night holding her, foregoing even food or a toilet break.  

What I do know is that I would want only the best for my child. And I do. In every respect, I try to give my child the best I can. I would give up anything in the world for her. In some ways, I have already given up more than I thought I ever could. I regret not a second of it.  

I know I couldn’t afford it. Not for shit on toast, I could not. But then, I couldn’t afford it when Cameron happened, either.  

Would I do it with you? Yes.  

I know this much, were it not for her, I would not be alive today. She is the reason I breathe.  

See, blog, you see me write about my child a lot. And yet, you don’t know how very very anti-children I was before her. (Yeah, I know, that Universe said “wahahah! Dude! I’ll teach you!”). I was so anti-children, blog, that I never gave money to beggars with children because I thought they were irresponsible for contributing to a population explosion. Yeah, I know, harsh. Fucking harsh. I was so anti-children that when people would tell me they were pregnant, I would look at them and say “sorry”. I was so anti-children that when I heard about someone losing a baby once, I said “oh my word, they must be so relieved”. I didn’t get it. Not even once.  

I never, ever, understood people who desired children. I mean, come on, who the hell would want to give up their Saturday night of fun to stay home and get poohed on?  

Funny thing, blog. I am that person now.  

If you had told me four years ago that I would happily sacrifice everything in my life for the sake of another person, I would have laughed in your face and poured you another tequila.

Nowadays, I know full well, that you would have been entirely right, as I sit here sipping my tea and missing my munchkin whilst she plays with her dad under the stars in his garden. 

Do I feel emotionally ready? Are we ever ready? I think we’ve covered that ground already. But, yes, I do believe I would have enough love to give a million children. But, I have no intention of trying on that score. I know I have enough love in me to give the world, but my world now is really centred on one person. Right now, I just want to love the one who curls her finger around my hair at night and says ”mommy, I want to tell you something. That you are so pretty. I love you”. 

So, maybe, one day. Who knows. I know it’s not today. I know from my life that it really isn’t my choice anyway. And I’m okay with it.  :)

1. A garage. I'm thankful for my garage, because even during a thunderstorm, the fruit are able to play out there and have a blast. They have currently developed a game called "The United Kids of the Garage". They have stores, charities, money, services to render (such as bike repair), and homes to live in. They've gone a little outside of free market, though. F2 really wanted to buy a stick sword that F5 had in his possession. F5 really didn't want to sell, but when F2 made him an offer he couldn't refuse ($65 UKG), he finally capitulated. They both went happily their separate ways, F5 much richer and F2 more well-armed. When F1 and F3 got wind of it, however, they demanded that F5 give the money back and F2 return the stick sword. They said the sword wasn't worth it and so couldn't be sold for that much money. Sigh. Too much governmental regulation.

2. Baby animals. We have twin fawns that play in the yard day after day. They look absolutely adorable. I have told the kids to keep their distance for three reasons: 1. Deer carry ticks, which carry the dreaded lyme disease. 2. Mama is probably watching, and she has sharp hooves. 3. If Mama smells people on her babies, she may desert them. But we do enjoy watching the little ones frolic around in the yard, munching on grass and weeds. They startle sometimes, but don't know where to run, and so essentially jump around in place for a moment before settling down. My only fear in this is that they are getting very used to humans and our smell. They will learn they have nothing to fear from us, but there are plenty of other humans to fear. This doesn't bode well for their future. I am thankful, still, that the fruit are having this chance to view nature up close and personal in their own backyard.

3. Independence Day. I'm thankful to God that I have been born in this country, where I am free to believe in Him and worship Him in the open. I'm thankful for the sacrifices that have been made for us. I pray that God continues to bless America and that we turn to Him in repentance and accept the love He has to offer us.

Bitte, ja?

Danke!

Wieso kann ich nicht einfach sagen: Ja stimmt, ich sehe es genauso. Stattdessen muß ich mich zusammenreißen um nicht mit den Augen zu rollen und versuchen mir ein zwanghaftes Lachen rauszupressen!

Es macht mich ein bisschen traurig. Nur warum weiß ich noch nicht, entweder weil ich nicht so sein kann wie sie, oder weil ich es nicht will.

Das war definitiv zu viel des Guten gestern Abend (aber das war es wert!).

Leider konnte mir der Mann im Haus nur spärlich unter die Arme greifen, da der Jüngste heftige Bauchschmerzen hatte.

Der Abend endete mit guten Gesprächen, vielen offenen Fragen, zu viel Erdbeerbowle, zu spät & mit dem Gefühl im Herzen unendlich dankbar für diese Freundschaft zu sein.

Carey from Parenting Tales is planning to write a review of I Will Not Be Broken, according to he post Just Call Me Critic:

I will also be reviewing a book from Survivor Corps co-founder as he writes about what he has learned from his personal struggles in life and how he was able to turn his tragedy into triumph.

Jennifer, The Army Wife blogs about Survivor Corps, Jerry White's organization, in a post titled Survivor Corps:

One of their founders, Jerry White, has recently written a book entitled I will Not Be Broken. I'm lucky enough to be receiving a copy of it from Survivor Corps, and I'll be posting a review of it when I'm finished. It talks about how to deal with adversity, and the ups and downs that life throws us all too often, and I know we can ALL benefit from some advice on that subject!

Ilori Olalekan revived a blog partially based on excitement over I Will Not Be Broken over on Parenting Cares in the post Dealing With Life Crises:

Life crises are unavoidable experiences which everyone of us must pass through. It is not to be bargained. These experiences though differing from one person to another is at the same time very similar in nature. This is why sharing ones experiences with another is of great help during these critical times, cause it infuses the courage and strength to bear the crises. Based on this truth mentioned above, I will like to introduce a book written by Jerry White, co-founder of Survivor Corps;"I will Not Be Broken Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis". This book is aimed at helping us overcome life crises.

Outwitting crisis is a blog post about the interview that Guy Kawasaki did with Jerry White of Survivor Corps over on Angel 4 Angels:

We may have all faced or are facing crisis in our lives, in varying degrees. Some of us may have survived it, others may have given in. But there is always a lot to learn from those who have suffered unimaginably but triumphed by sheer grit and self will. Excerpts from an interview Guy Kawasaki had with Jerry White, whose life changed in 1984 after he lost one leg to that lethal litter called landmine. He later co-founded Survivor Corps and went on to share the Nobel Peace Prize in 1997.

Stephen Hershey of Reality Sandwich covered Survivor Corps and I Will Not Be Broken in the blog post Reframing Survival:

Jerry White, landmine survivor and cofounder of Survivor Corps, shares his own healing process while advising those who are suffering from tragedy in I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis. White seeks to turn "tragedy into triumph," encouraging victims and their families to face facts, choose life, reach out, get moving, and give back. Voices include Lance Armstrong, Princess Diana, and Elie Weisel. The first chapter is available for download.

Deborah Evens over at Paravanes: Christian Meditations writes about Jerry White's book, I Will Not Be Broken, in a post called No Middle Ground: I Will Not Be Broken:

After reading White's five steps to overcoming, I realized there is no middle ground in recovery and reclaiming. Either you forever live as a shadow of your former self, or you emerge to become greater, more lovingly creative, and stronger. If you think you're on the middle ground, you're in shadow land. Perhaps this is what the Apostle Paul referred to when he asserted "…in all these things, we are more than conquerors…" (Romans 8:37). Properly understood (meaning from God's point of view), we can not only survive our LAEs, we can "more than conquer" them.

Victor Kaonga of the blog NDAGHA writes about survivorship and Jerry White's 5 Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis:

Jerry White, a cofounder of Survivor Corps, an organization that helps victims of war and terror. Our mission, and my passion, is to help survivors heal and get on with their lives. Sounds simple, but in many places where we work, the idea of overcoming doesn't always resonate.

This sounds to be a very promising book. I should admit that though I have not read the whole book (I am under extreme pressure to survive writing…-will disclose later), I sense the book has inspiring stories that would give someone some needed strength or perspective on life as we survive.

Of course for me I wish the book clearly advocated for God's help in life because human strength alone is not adequate. I strongly believe that survivorship is not complete without God and in any case our simple survivorship is simply a foretaste of what we really need to be. We need to be thriving and not surviving.

Scott Goodson write about the Interview that Jerry White did over on Guy Kawasaki's blog on his blog, Scott Goodson's Writings in his post, Five Steps For Overcoming a Life Crisis:

Jerry White has recently published an extraordinary book (entitled "I will not be broken") which I have ordered on Amazon tonight. He is the co-founder of Survivor Corps (formerly Landmine Survivors Newwork). His changed in 1984 when he lost his leg in a landmine explosion while visiting Israel. After this experience he has championed the cause of survivorship and became a leader in the International Campaign to Ban Landmines. In 1997 he shared the Nobel Peace Prize with Jody Williams for his efforts. He recently published a book called I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis. Guy Kawasaki has a wonderful posting with an interview with Jerry today.

Kathi mentions I Will Not Be Broken over on her blog in a post entitled Monday Potpourri of Things to Pass On:

I received an email about a book that looked interesting, if you want to find out more about it, it's called I Will Not Be Broken : Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis by Jerry White. I'm looking forward to reading it and will let you know what I think when I finish my copy.

Karine found I Will Not Be Broken over at Guy Kawasaki's blog and mapped it to surviving entrepreneurial failure — and how to take that feeling of being a failure and the victimhood associated and turn it around and realize that just because you have a failed experience doesn't — and shouldn't — paint you as a failure — in a post called Surviving a failed project:

I read an excellent post from Guy Kawasaki's blog, How to change the world. The post was an interview with Jerry White, the co-founder of Survivor Corps. The interview focused on the art of survival. How do you go .. a tragedy, how do you move away from that event?

It made me think about the aura that failure can give you. When you project fails, you can surrender to the failure or move on, determined to make the next project a success. You can also choose to become a victim of that failure, a let it taint the next project with defeatism.

The Interview that Jerry White did over on Guy Kawasaki's blog on his blog really resonated with Shane over at What Leadership Demands in a post called Survival:

Of all the articles and stories I read this week this one stuck with me. I am fascinated by how much of what Jerry White has learned through is own personal tragedy translates to all of us and how we go through life.

At some point we are all confronted with a "life crisis". This crisis will ultimately test our faith… the question for each of us is where, or in who, will our faith be placed? Pay specific attention to question 3. The five steps Mr. White identifies as essential to overcoming a crisis in this world looks a lot like the stages anyone would go through as they accept Christ and begin to follow him to get beyond their past without him.

Mr. White does not speak to his own personal faith journey so I can not offer an opinion on his source for his survival process. Truth, though, has only One source regardless how we think we arrive at it. He does quote the Dalia Lama but that does not necessarily point us to where Mr. White's ultimate faith lies.

Jim and Brenda Johnson wrote a wonderful post about I Will Not Be Broken on their blog, Straight, Not Narrow, in the post "I Will Not Be Broken":

That's the title of a new book which, while it is not specifically about the LGBT community, it does cover some topics that are of value to everyone, perhaps every particularly LGBT people. The information below is from the official website for the book. I was contacted and asked if I would post something here about the book, and I am happy to do so.

Bruce Tomaso of the The Religion Blog of the Dallas News wrote a very lovely post about I Will Not Be Broken entitled Landmine Survivor Writes About Coping with Crisis

Jerry White, who lost a leg when he stepped on a landmine in Israel in 1984, is a co-founder of Survivor Corps, a group dedicated to helping the victims of violent conflicts around the world. He's been active in the International Campaign to Ban Landmines, which shared the 1997 Nobel Peace Prize.

White has written a book, "I Will Not Be Broken: 5 Steps To Overcoming a Life Crisis," in which he offers his advice on how to get through tough times — the loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, a serious injury, and so forth.

Jill Army of her eponymous blog, Jill Army, plans to review I Will Not Be Broken by Jerry White — in fact, she was inspired to revive her blog partially in order to do the review! We really appreciate it (via I'm un-jinxing myself!):

I intend to begin blogging again…right after I scrub the residual sticker goo off my computer. I will be reviewing a book : "I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis," by Jerry White, the co-founder of Survivor Corps http://iwillnotbebroken.org. I've already read the intro and first two chapters (thanks to the free download) and it's going to be inspirational and help so many people. I know it is something all my readers (yes all two of them …hi dad!) will enjoy and pass on to those around them that need to hear the message and take the steps. I know I will. Looking forward to blogging again.

At 8 Hours & A Lunch, Deb Owen wrote a review of the Interview that Jerry White did over on Guy Kawasaki's blog:

There's a must-read interview with Jerry White on Guy Kawasaki's how to change the world blog today that he is calling "The Art of Survival." […] I began to look for my "favorite snippet" in the interview, but the whole interview is worth the few minutes to read. It's a great perspective with applications many of us could use in multiple areas of our daily lives. Check it out.

Heidi blogs about Jerry White's book in a post called, "I Will Not Be Broken": The Book by Jerry White, Survivor Corps, on here blog, Mommy Monsters:

I have not read this book … but this looks like a worthwhile read for those who are struggling to rise above circumstances from their past or present. So I wanted to pass it on to you!

Guy Kawasaki wrote a stellar blog post about his interview with Jerry White on the Art of Survival, about Survivor Corps, and about Jerry White's new book, I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis:

Jerry White is the co-founder of Survivor Corps (formerly Landmine Survivors Newwork). His life changed in 1984 when he lost his leg in a landmine explosion while visiting Israel. After this experience he has championed the cause of survivorship and became a leader in the International Campaign to Ban Landmines. In 1997 he shared the Nobel Peace Prize with Jody Williams for his efforts. He recently published a book called I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis

Erin Burke of Liquid Heat wrote a forum post about the book, I Will Not Be Broken over on the forum SL Exchange:

I will be the first to admit that I am not a book reviewer or even a professional blogger for that matter. Recently a book was brought to my attention that I felt compelled to let everyone know about. The book is titled "I Will Not Be Broken" and the author is Jerry White.

It's funny how life works sometime, the person that told me about this book thought I would be interested because I work with Relay for Life in Second Life. I work with Relay for Life because on June 21, 1996 I lost my mother to cancer and it makes me feel as if I am honouring her life by hopefully helping raise money to find cures for cancer, so that someone else will be saved the pain and fear she went through and the pain and fear I have continued to go through by losing her.

I Will Not Be Broken is not a book about cancer survivors specifically, it is a book about survivors period. Survivors of any crisis that enters their life and how to live with it and overcome it. There was a line in Jerry's book that although very simple, really struck me

"They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's not quite that simple. I believe you have to decide it will make you stronger."

There is a very thoughtful and Buddhism-focused blog post about Jerry White's book over at Transparent Eye, I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis by Jerry White:

I don't usually respond to press releases, but the one announcing I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis by Jerry White interested me enough that I checked out the intro and first chapter, which are available online.

White is the co-founder of Survivor Corps who lost his leg to a land mine. The book sounds like it has a self-help orientation, and is chock full of anecdotes. He distills it into a five-point program

o Face facts
o Choose life
o Reach out
o Get moving
o Give back

My sense is that it is compatible with Buddhist notions of compassion, though oriented more toward international humanitarianism.

Speaking now from my own knowledge, studies of human happiness have shown that it has little to do with actual circumstance, and more to do with predispositions are are either genetic or developmental. People can come back from tragedy, but a key step is to loosen attachment to the way things were but no longer are(Buddha's Four Noble Truths). Once that block is overcome, finding new life goals and working toward them can provide a path to achieving satisfaction.

Sharon of The Reservoir wrote a very complete review post entitled Book Review: About I Will Not Be Broken, a Book by Jerry White:

From a leader of the Nobel Peace Prize-winning movement to ban landmines and founder of Survivor Corps comes an astoundingly effective guide to recreating a happy and fulfilling life after catastrophe strikes—a book that Bob and Lee Woodruff call "a road map for the individual and their family to re-enter the land of the living." In I WILL NOT BE BROKEN, Jerry White reframes the question "why do bad things happen to good people?" and asks, given that bad things do happen, how do people absorb the blows and move through them?

Sharon also wrote a touching and insightful personal testimonial in a post called Dealing with loss (my experience):

In November of 2006 I lost my cousin to a fatal road accident. It was even more harrowing because I had known him for little over 10 years; both families had recently become reconciled. He was also one of my favorite cousins.

It was like most deaths of that sort, a needless one. I remember when I first heard the news, the question I kept asking was why? I needed to know why it happened. He was only 24 years old, he hadn't even begun to really live life. How could he just be snuffed out like that?

I'd just been called to bar (in fact, he was buried on the same day I was called to the bar). So I just buried it deep down inside me and didn't think about it.

Then less than a year later, I met my husband to be. In telling him about my family, I started to tell him about this cousin when I felt a deep flood of emotion threaten to drown me. I started crying and just couldn't seem to stop. I cried so hard, I wanted to die. I was still asking why?

I finally dried my tears. I still don't understand why. I became a lawyer and he wasn't there to rejoice with me. I'm getting married soon and he never even met my fiance. I still haven't deleted his email address from my inbox. Many times I think I'm over it and then I feel the grief well up again; and the tears start to trickle down unobtrusively.

But I have refused to allow the grief incapacitate me. Instead I tap into it and it makes me stronger. It gives me more compassion for others, keeps me in touch with my feelings. It reminds me of my own immortality and helps me keep my priorities straight.

In my own way, I have assimilated the 5 steps to dealing with crisis in Jerry White's book, I Will Not Be Broken and made them work for me.

I know my cousin is gone and nothing I do will bring him back; not all the grieving in the world. I can't shut down because of that (he wouldn't want me to). So I have chosen instead to live and not merely exist. I get together with my brothers and his brother every now and then to reminisce about him. It keeps him alive in our hearts and we offer strength to each other. I live my life in a way I know will make him proud but more than that, the experience has made me more compassionate to others who are also grieving.

These steps are time tested and have been proven (especially in my own life). We can't stop tragedy form happening but we can overcome tragedy. However it is a personal choice. But it is a choice that can be made if the steps in I Will Not Be Broken are diligently applied.

Sandy Carlson writes about Jerry White's book, I Will Not Be Broken: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis by Jerry White, in the post Review: I Will Not Be Broken:

The book outlines a program of five steps for coping with disaster. He draws on his experiences as well as those of famous persons such as Lance Armstrong; Diana, Princess of Wales; Christopher Reeve, the American Psychological Association, and the not so famous–his college roommate, his mom, Bosnians who survived the warn in their country, a little Cambodian girl who also lost a leg to a landmine. His drawing on the wisdom of persons from all walks of life underscores he beliefs that wisdom is a collective resource as well as an individual one and that all life is interconnected. White's book approaches the challenge of trauma positively by focusing on individual strengths rather than dwelling on what went wrong and why.

I Will Not Be Broken is an earthy, conversational, and real testament of the beauty and wonder of all life.

Burkitt wrote a post about I Will Not Be Broken by Jerry White in the the British Cancer Survivors forum:

I received an email from somebody recommending this book: I will Not be broken. I had a look at the website and I think the book is worth recommending to others, even though it was not written by somebody affected by cancer.

Carl Wilton wrote, in May 12, 2008 - Unbroken, on his blog, A Pastor's Cancer Diary, how the experience of a man who has lost his leg to a Landmine in Israel has a lot in common with someone suffering and surviving cancer. That illness and tragedy is transforming and always immensely difficult to overcome — to survive and then thrive:

I think White's conclusions can be generalized to include the experience of being diagnosed with a slowly-progressing disease like cancer. In the book, he recalls a conversation he had with Princess Diana, with whom he worked as an anti-landmine activist. Touring Bosnia and speaking with survivors, they observed that everyone seemed to have "their date." They could all state precisely on which date they had been injured or bereaved.

Many of us cancer survivors can do the same with our dates of diagnosis (mine was December 2, 2005). Before that date, we may have a suspicion something is wrong, but we still have the luxury of hoping it's nothing serious. After that date, we can never return to such naiveté. We will, forever after, be cancer survivors.

Mommy blogger, Robin, wrote a powerful post on her blog, Around the Island, Rebuilding a better world, one survivor at a time:

Until a few weeks ago, I had never heard of Jerry White, let alone known that he is a leader in the international fight against landmines. I didn't know that he has this calling because he himself lost his leg to a landmine when he entered an unmarked minefield in the north of Israel, my own country, in 1984. I didn't know about his struggle to redefine his life after his accident, to choose survival, and I didn't know that he had taken it one step further, going on to found the Nobel Peace Price-winning Landmine Survivors Network (LSN), the same organization that Princess Diana was involved with.

I didn't know that he had recently expanded LSN's mission from aiding those injured by landmines to aiding all those who are victims of the worst epidemic of all - the very preventable epidemic of war and violence. The new mission bears a new name as well - Survivor Corps - which reflects both its calling and its philosophy.

Now I know, and I am proud to help spread the word.

If you're interested in blogging about either Survivor Corps or the book, I Will Not Be Broken, pop me an email and I can hook you up.

Da sitz ich jetzt, nur das Schmackofatz ist mittlerweile leer. :-)

So auch heute wieder:

Frau Kathy: Bitte hüpf nicht so auf Mama´s Bauch herum, du weißt doch, da ist dein kleiner Bruder drin, der bald herauskommt.

Fräulein Ida:Komm, Mama. Ich hol ihn dir raus! Dann drückt sie meine Beine auseinander, greift mir in den Schritt und tut so, als würde sie etwas aus mir herausholen.

Vielen Dank mal wieder an dieser Stelle an den Maulwurf für diese grandiose Aufklärungsarbeit. ;-)

Aber wie das Baby da reingekommen ist, muß ich ihr ja Gott sei Dank noch nicht erklären. :-)

(Aber schön wär´s schon, wenn die Geburt so einfach wäre..)

Jetzt heißt es jeden Tag:
Das ist jetzt die schönste Zeit!

Unheimlich viel besser ist das nicht!
Was wohl als nächstes kommt?