Although it is perhaps true that "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission," have you ever stopped to think which is easier to give? For some forgiveness is a task too difficult to complete. It's hard to blame them; many people experience deep emotional pain.

Yet Jesus doesn't leave his discussion of the community without addressing the issue of forgiveness. Peter asks a simple question: "how often should I forgive?" It's often noted Peter probably though himself "spiritual" by offering to forgive seven times-several more times over than was commonly recognized. But Jesus, in typical form, throws convention out the window and commands constant forgiveness.

To illustrate his point, Jesus tells a parable. A man who is forgiven from a large debt is unable to forgive another much smaller debt and in turn finds himself handed over to torturers. The passage becomes tricky because of Jesus' last statement: "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart," (Matt 18:35 ESV). Sounds extreme... doesn't it?

Keep in mind two things in trying to understand the parable. One, Jesus is fond of using hyperbole in his teaching-as in "cut off your hand if it causes you to sin" (Matt 18:8)-to reinforce his message. Two, it's important to remember parables are not designed to teach everything about the Christian life. Remember this parable comes in a discussion about the community, so it's much more likely the consequences of failing to forgive involve the community than loss of eternal salvation (as this passage is sometimes interpreted).

As a community, Jesus is calling us to forgive. The focal point of the parable is 18:33, "And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you," (ESV). Because we have been forgiven an insurmountable debt (10,000 talents, the debt forgiven in the parable, was the highest countable number in the language) we should be able to likewise offer forgiveness to others in the community.

Failure to forgive leads to separation from the community. But Jesus' message is forgive, forgive, forgive! No matter how much it hurts, forgive! No matter how humble you must be, forgive!

I know it is not easy. May we all find the courage, strength, and determination to forgive, even when it hurts.

Most teenage boys dream of being in a band, and I was no exception. Somewhere along my journey into young-adulthood (c. 1998), my buddies and I all picked up the guitar (my first was a Sears brand-yes, from the department store).

Our specialty: worship music (we were destined to be the next Chris Tomlin). We needed a name for our merry little troupe, and our piano player came up with a title we thought catchy: Two or More. We got it from Matthew 18:20: "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them," (ESV).

It worked because as we gathered two or more people together for worship (hopefully), we were assured the presence of the Lord followed. But as it turns out, Jesus didn't say this so we wouldn't worry about playing a G when it should have been a D.

In the context of community teaching, Jesus moves from our mandate to seek those who stray, to an explanation of what that seeking should look like. Jesus' teaching on reproving a brother who sins is fairly straight forward. Sometimes community discipline is needed. Jesus says:
1. Talk to him alone (v. 15). If he doesn't listen...
2. Take several others with you as witnesses (think in terms of a courtroom, v. 16). If still no response...
3. Take it before the community (i.e. the church, v. 17a). Still no reply...
4. Treat him as outside the community (v. 17b).

So far, so good. But then in v. 18, Jesus says "whatever you (plural) bind/loose on earth will be the same in heaven." However this process works, Jesus wants the community to realize their actions (as a group, notice the plural mentioned above) have far reaching effects-and are therefore important and not to be taken lightly. Where two or more agree (on the issue of church discipline) the Father will listen to them. Where two or more are gathered to pray (about church disciple), Jesus is with them (through the Holy Spirit). We need to always precede into difficult issues with humble and dependant hearts-like a "little one"-doing our best to bring sinners back into the fold.

As for the band, we found out the name was already taken, we all went to different colleges, and never made it big. Maybe I'll get into writing instead...

[note to the reader: following the tradition of J.S. Bach, I always place "+ INJ +" at the beginning of my sermons, and "+ SDG +" at the end. "INJ" stands for "In Nomine Jesu" = "In the Name of Jesus" and "SDG" stands for "Soli Deo Gloria" = "To God Alone Be the Glory."]

14 September 2008 – Pentecost +18 (Proper 19)

Texts: Psalm 103: 8-13, Matthew 18:21-35

+ INJ +

Grace, mercy, and peace to you, from God, our Father, and from the Lord, Jesus Christ.

For some of us, this has been a difficult weekend. Some of us have spent hours in front of the television, glued to coverage of Hurricane Ike, hoping for information, seeing destruction, and hearing of death. For many of us, the fear surrounding this event has been palpable.

I know that I have many friends and some family in the greater Houston/Galveston area and in western Louisiana, and some of you do, too. Some of the friends and family with whom I spoke before the storm chose not to evacuate; and some I couldn’t even get a hold of to find out what they were doing at all. And as I have watched the coverage of Ike, I have seen familiar images from the city in which I was raised and I have heard the names of streets upon which I once drove. Maybe some of you have had a similar experience.

I’ll be honest. For about the last ten days, I’ve been pondering today’s texts and pondering the idea of forgiving others, and crafting a sermon around that theme. The Old Testament, Psalm, and Gospel lessons certainly point us in that direction.

However, as I laid down to bed early Saturday morning, after Ike made landfall, I was thinking about my sermon, thinking about forgiving others, and realizing that I was, quite simply, angry.

Angry about the destruction. Angry about the death. Angry about the trauma which those in Ike’s path are facing, even now. Angry about my home town being ripped apart. Angry about my worry for the safety of so many friends and family members. Angry about the difficulties now faced by our state and our nation as we try to recover from yet another battering.

This anger got me to thinking in a whole new direction about forgiveness as I began to think about God’s role in this event.

During times of crises, large and small, we often ask the question, “WHY?” And, if I’m honest, that question was at the root of much of my anger.

When we are wronged by another person, we want to know WHY. We want an explanation for their behavior; we want a reason. Whether we are asking a child WHY they spilled their milk all over the floor, or asking a friend WHY they lied to us, our human nature drives us to ask the question WHY of the person who has hurt us.

And so, that same human nature drives us to ask God the same question whenever we encounter difficulties which are beyond our ability to understand. WHY. WHY. WHY.

Think of the psalmist in Psalm 22, the psalm often used on Good Friday –

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Why are you so far from helping me,

Why are you so far from the words of my groaning?[1]

In our human relationships, Jesus tells us in today’s Gospel lesson to forgive those who have wronged us – and to forgive not once, not twice, but over and over again.

But what do we do when we feel wronged by God?

Please do not misunderstand me – and I want to be very clear on this point: We are not wronged by God in the same way in which we are wronged by people. God is without sin; people are burdened with a sinful nature.

But, if we are honest, there are times in our lives when we do feel as though God has let us down. There are times when the prayers we offer seem to be ignored. There are times when we are flat out angry with God…and what do we do then?

I want to offer one idea.

If our relationships with God are truly living, active, and honest, then anger with God is a natural part of our relationship with Him. And so it follows that there will be times when we will need to go through the exercise of forgiving God, not because He has wronged us, but because it is through forgiveness that healing comes, and through healing that relationship can be restored.

When we feel wronged by God, one of the best actions we can take is to do exactly what the writer of Psalm 22 does, what the writers of so many other psalms do, and what generations of God’s people have done. When we feel wronged by God, that is exactly when we need to keep reaching out to God – for God is surely, surely reaching out to us.

Our psalm today tells us as much:

LORD, You are full of compassion and mercy, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love;

For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is Your steadfast love for those who fear You.

As a father has compassion for his children, so You have compassion for those who fear You, O LORD.[2]

God has compassion for us. This can be easy for us to remember when things are going well, and when things are easy.

However, God has compassion for us also when we are heavily burdened, and even when we are angry, as angry as children sometimes become with their parents.

And it is this compassion, this mercy, this patience, and this steadfast love which our God continually offers to us. God comes to us in Word and Sacrament and we meet Him in the pew and at the altar rail – at the end of a long and difficult weekend, and at the beginning of a new week.

May God be with us, and with those we love, and with those we don’t even know, in His compassion, mercy, and steadfast love. Amen.

+ SDG +²

We sing the song:

“Yes, I love you with the love of the Lord. 
Yes I love you with the love of the Lord. 
I can see in you the glory of the King,
and I love you with the love of the Lord.” 

But, let’s be honest, quite often we’re just giving lip service. 

The word “Love” doesn’t always flow easily, and that is a good thing.  When we express “love” too easily it is often empty talk or something less godly.  But Jesus commands us—you and me—and Paul repeats, "Love your neighbor as yourself." 

If I was really feeling ornery today I’d have you greet each other and say “I Love You”  Instead, we’ll look at these passages and talk about love and how love can exist, even in conflict.

If your brother sins against you.

This is a very small “IF”  Jesus could as easily have said, “when” your brother sins.  When your sister.  When your pastor.  When your elder sins against you. 

If your brother sins.  To what is Jesus referring? 

“What did it meant to sin against another person? The Semitic culture in the time of Jesus held honor in the highest esteem. Sin (hurting another) meant a loss of honor. For, sin had more social than psychological dimensions. In other words, one took offense if reputation was hurt, not just feelings.” 
(Larry Broding, http://www.word-sunday.com/Files/a/23-a/A-23-a.html)

Some ancient manuscripts don’t have the words “against you.”  Without that phrase, Jesus could be referring simply to anyone who sins, to church discipline.  However, considering the context, and for the purpose of this message, we are dealing with the text as printed. 

When a brother sins against you.  We’ve all been sinned against at one time or another.    Think about your life.  Think about your relationships, especially those in the church.  Conflict will occur, just as morning follows night.  Someone will offend you at one time or another.  How can I be so sure?  Remember Paul’s testimony? 

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members"(Romans 7:21-23).

Our very nature, imperfect but growing, sinful but redeemed, testifies that at some point we will either offend or be offended, sin or be sinned against.  It happens.  Don’t be surprised.

Most people tend to nurture wounds, to harbor hurts and offenses, rather than resolve them.  The people of Jesus’ day were no different.  They built alliances and broke relationships because of hurts and offenses, real or imagined, just as we.

So we know it will happen, and it does.  I’m upset and what do I do now?

Some people aren’t happy if they aren’t arguing.  It isn’t that they’re miserable.  In most cases it is a learned behavior, a mindset of being obstinate and argumentative. 

Jesus knows conflict will come and provides a pattern for resolution.  But this isn’t just a step-by-step process. Rather, the purpose of these instructions is to provide redemption and reconciliation, to show honor and love.

If I love my neighbor, it naturally follows that I will do what is best for him or her.  But instead I harbor grudges and anger, which only serve to divide church and separate me from God.  My wound festers and destroys my ability to glorify God in my own life.

Jesus teaches, “Go to your brother.”

Why do we avoid going to those who hurt us?  Some possibilities:

• Pride:  if they don’t know what they did wrong, why should I tell them?
• Justification:  I’m right.  Why should I make the first move?
• Bitterness:  I can forgive, but I’ll never forget
• Self:  It’s not my problem, it’s his or hers.

I can tell you my first inclination is to go to the person to let them know, in no uncertain terms, how badly they hurt me.  I want them to know just how guilty they are.  This is not a part of Jesus’ plan for resolution in the church.  Going to my brother or sister isn’t to be a blame-fest.  Before I go to my brother or sister, I must pray in my heart for the grace to extend the mercy and forgivesness I have received from God.

Consider Leviticus 19:17:  Do not hate your brother in your heart.  Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.

The purpose is healing of an argumentative spirit, to allow for reconciliation and peace in the body, in the family, in the community.  My purpose is to help my partner in conflict realize freedom and renewal.

Let me say here that many, if not most, church and family arguments actually occur because of a misunderstanding or misinterpretation.  Jesus tell us to first go to the individual.  Why?

• We could be the one wrong in the situation.  The conversation may help me recognize that.
• My “brother” may not even realize that he hurt me.  Speaking to him or her first protects his or her dignity.
• My brother/sister may repent, change, and ask forgivness.  No one else needs to know about the conflict.

The law of love considers each person’s value in God’s sight, each person’s ability to contribute to the life of the body.  Giving one another the opportunity for restoration allows each of us to stand a little more confidently

If you can talk honestly and openly with your brother or sister, and the two of you can come to an agreement, you will have won your brother over.  You didn’t bully him into agreeing with you.  You showed him grace and mercy and love, which opened the door for him to reply in the same manner.

Unfortunately, not everyone will respond so well to an individual confrontation.  Jesus further instructs that if your brother doesn’t agree with you, bring someone else.

Please don’t bring an ally who totally agrees with you and wants to gang up on the other person.  This isn’t a wrestling federation.  Once again, this next step is meant to assist in the reconciliation process, not to encourage an all-out brawl.

The person to bring is a wise person, a mediator, someone who can listen to both sides and offer objective thought about the situation.  But we don’t want a mediator, we want a gladiator, some to champion our cause, our rights.  Nevertheless, involving the right third person brings another perception to the situation and makes me think through my opinions as well.

If your brother still does not listen, go to the church.  Now why would you tell the church?  Most likely Jesus refers to church leaders, and this would be in the case of church discipline, not just petty arguments.  But if a person refuses to stop causing conflict, we are to treat him like a tax collector or Gentile. 

This doesn’t sound like our Jesus, who is loving, forgiving, redeeming.  William Barclay has an idea about this: 

"This, in fact, is NOT an injunction to abandon a man; it is a challenge to win him with the love which can touch even the hardest heart.  It is not a statement that some men are hopeless; it is a statement that Jesus Christ has found no man to be hopeless—and neither must we” (Barclay, The Gospel of Matthew, 189).

When I treat my brother as a Gentile or tax collector, I seek to show God’s love to someone outside the church, someone without an understanding of grace and forgiveness. 

Today’s passage, on its surface, doesn’t include much theology.  It seems to be a simple set of directions for resolving conflict in the church.  However, we’ve looked deeper into these passages and found the following truths:

1. Conflict is inevitable in this imperfect, sin-marred world.
2. God is a forgiving and loving God.  As those reflecting the image of Jesus Christ, we are called to reflect His grace as well.
3. When we walk through our lives not only reflecting God’s grace, but letting it change who we are, we will “win” those with whom we have conflicts.  We won’t always win the fight!  But we will win his or her spirit through God’s love and grace.

May God bless you as you consider how you can bring peace and unity to Body of Christ in your community.

With the advent of a new school year, each day has been an adventure with the kids coming home with one more “need” for yet another class.  Now don’t get me wrong.  We picked up the “necessities” list for the kids and made sure they had everything on it, but unfortunately, everything they needed wasn’t listed there.  So each day after school, with one more revelation of something they needed, we traipsed up to the store to pick it up.

Life is kind of like that, isn’t it?  We think we’ve done everything on the list, that we’ve figured everything out and are ready to sail on, only to find out that the rules seem to change, that there is something else we didn’t count on.

We like to think of ourselves as put together, prepared, ready for whatever comes our way, that we have our chores done.  And life would be a lot easier if we could be “ready” for whatever, if we had a list of things to do and could complete them and move on.  But life isn’t that way, and neither is faith.  In today’s passage, Jesus challenges the status quo, the religious life, the human way of thinking. 

Yes, we talk about our crosses.  “So-and-so is my cross to bear,” we quip about a neighbor, relative, or co-worker.  But these are not the crosses Jesus presents this day. 

As we explore this passage, I want us to recognize three truths.

1. Our understanding and outlook live well beneath God’s will and plan.
2. God’s way requires the cross
3. Only what God saves will last

Matthew 16:21-28

I.  Our understanding and outlook are well beneath God’s will and plan.

(The Easy Way)  I like the story of the young man, eager to make it to the top, who went to a well-known millionaire businessman and asked him the first reason for his success. The businessman answered without hesitation, "Hard work." After a lengthy pause the young man asked, "What is the SECOND reason?"

We love Peter because he is such a wonderful picture of us, ready to step forward, ready to speak, but always speaking before he understands.  He was a big man with big fisherman’s hands a big heart to match.  He loved Jesus and wanted to follow Jesus wherever He went.  But he didn’t understand God’s will.

Isaiah 55: 8-9
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

http://wwwstaff.murdoch.edu.au/~loader/MtPent16.htm

Peter has failed to understand Jesus' leadership and lowliness. He is espousing the common values of the time about power and worth and not espousing God's values.

To be a disciple it is first necessary that we understand the difference between the teacher and the disciple.  We are merely learning.  God’s will, God’s plan is so often foreign to our thinking that like Peter we come off half-cocked with our ideas and plans, only to find we are holding back the plan of God.

II.  God’s Way Requires the Cross

Deny yourself and take up your cross.  What is your cross today?  For most of us we consider our crosses those things that cause us pain, a chronic condition a chronic relative or co-worker, or maybe just the daily grinding routine.  And so these make up the daily cross, but only when they are a part of self-denial, of denying the selfish will and seeking God’s will forus.  Jesus speaks of something more than just the earthly things that meet us each day. 

“Deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me.”

From Wesley’s Notes on the Bible, Christian Classics Ethereal Library

http://www.ccel.org/ccel/wesley/notes.i.ii.xviii.html

Should we not consider all crosses, all things grievous to flesh and blood, as what they really are, as opportunities of embracing God's will at the expense of our own? And consequently as so many steps by which we may advance toward perfection? We should make a swift progress in the spiritual life, if we were faithful in this practice. Crosses are so frequent, that whoever makes advantage of them, will soon be a great gainer. Great crosses are occasions of great improvement: and the little ones, which come daily, and even hourly, make up in number what they want in weight. We may in these daily and hourly crosses make effectual oblations of our will to God; which oblations, so frequently repeated, will soon amount to a great sum.

So the purpose in denying ourselves is something far more than just “putting up with” them, but an exercise in self-denial, in seeking God’s will for our lives.

http://wwwstaff.murdoch.edu.au/~loader/MtPent16.htm

“Denying myself and taking up the cross is abandoning the project of the constructed self and allowing myself to be real and vulnerable, to be loved and loving, also to the point of suffering and death. These texts are not calling us away from what it means to be a human being, but calling us to be truly human, to find our true selves in God, but abandoning our false selves.”

WARNING:  This text does not call us to devalue ourselves and become kind of a doormat to the world.  That was not Jesus’ role, nor is it ours.  In fact, denying our value in God’s eyes is actually not carrying the cross, it is taking the easy way. 

To choose not to “eat, drink, and be merry”—that is the hard way.

To stand up to the bully—that is the hard way.

To call a friend to account—that is the hard way.

To speak up for righteousness when a friend or family member wants to live his or her own way, to risk rejection and loss—that is the hard way, the way of the cross.

When we choose the easy way, we love ourselves more than God. 

No men do more harm to themselves, than they that love themselves more than God.  From the Geneva Notes http://www.ccel.org/g/geneva/notes/Matthew/16.html

Self denial is not the opposite of self-fulfillment.  We don’t give up on things.  That just causes emptiness.  Rather, Carrying my cross is not giving up on things, but it is a lack of emphasis on self.  It is not self-esteem or self-abasement, self-fulfillment or self-emptying.  It is a denial of, a turning away from self and turning toward God.

III. Only what God saves will last

Finally, Jesus gives us the formula, the truth we don’t always long to hear:  If I save my own life, my own self, all is lost.  BUT, if I let go of self, my plan, my ideas, my life, I will find so much more than I ever considered possible.  What a conundrum!

We are not all called to be martyrs.  Here in this country there are very few martyrs for their faith, although around the world many give their lives for Christ.  So how can I lose my life for Christ?

“To the Hebrew, the soul [OT:5315  nephesh] was also the very essence of the living being but also the root of a person’s passion and desires. That is what Jesus says we must offer to him if we are to find the fullness of meaing; our very passions and desires.

“From the root of self comes all worship and all selfishness. Christ is inviting us to liberate ourselves from ourselves so that we might be completely free to love selflessly.

“It is to this freedom of humble service that Jesus calls us; the freedom that only occurs when we no longer live to take but to give; we live forgiving.”  Copied from http://onefamilyoutreach.com/bible/Matthew/mt_16_21-28.html

The gospel calls us to lay down our lives, our futures, our hopes and our dreams—daily, moment-by-moment, for the gospel, for the truth. 

Whether she is a good candidate for president or not, I strongly respect Governor Sarah Palin’s ability to stand for what she believes is right.  In a country where expedience is often the defining line, she chose to continue her pregnancy, knowing her child would be born with Down’s Syndrome, that he would most likely always be a child mentally.  She believed that God gave life, and she refused to take it away. 

What in your world, in your life, are you trying to save?  It takes commitment and faith to speak the hard words, to make the heavenly choices.  I know of one minister who had a choice to make.  A wealthy member of the congregation routinely advised this young minister on his sermons, telling him what to preach and how.  One day in prayer, the young man felt a conviction that it was time to preach a simple gospel sermon, one that convicted of sin and called the hearers to repentance.  He knew it would most likely mean his job, but he was sure this was the way to go.

The young pastor preached the sermon, called for repentance, and prayed his closing prayer.  He found peace in his soul, knowing he had done God’s will.  As the people filed out of the church, one by one, he noticed a difference in many of the handshakes, a firmer grip, eye contact.  Some eyes were even damp, it would seem. 

I wish I could tell you everyone in the congregation jumped on board and the young man’s  ministry prospered.  It did, but not at that church.  The wealthy man withdrew his support, which caused the board to reconsider the pastor’s employment.  It was a hard-fought battle, but eventually the young pastor’s employment was terminated.  He moved on, broken-hearted but fulfilled because he had done as God requested. 

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?

What good is it if we have our families, our friends, our community, and yet we have nothing else, nothing eternal.

Again, what good is being self-satisfied when we know we could be God-satisfied? 

Most of the time we live well below even our own self-expectations.  We take the easy road, because we know God will understand.  But Jesus called His disciples, and calls us today, to a life of self-less-ness.  A life that reflects the truths and callings of God rather than the lies and teasings of the world. 

A life that denies my self-ish desires and wants to seek that for which God created me.

How can we life such a life? 

By recognizing that our thoughts are not God’s thoughts, but seeking out, through the Word of God and prayer, God’s will.

By taking up our cross, that is, by turning over our selves to God and allowing God to grant us the desires of our heart., and finally,

By living our lives to save not our reputations or ourselves, but by walking forward with determination and hope, knowing that God is with us, and speaking the words of truth that others may be saved from lives of desperation and loss.

Let us pray.

In the previous section, Jesus told his disciples how important it was that believers in the community do everything they can to ensure that those within the community, the "little ones," are not caused to sin. But now Jesus get personal. In this section, Jesus tells the disciples they have the personal responsibility to avoid sin and the temptations which cause it.

Jesus expresses his hatred of sin by telling the disciples that the community must be made up of people who do everything in their power to remove themselves from that which causes them to sin. In typical hyperbolic fashion, Jesus says "if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away... And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away," (Matthew 18:8a, 9a ESV). Before you go and cut your foot off or gouge out your eye with a screwdriver (this has happened), understand Jesus is not being literal but he is figuratively emphasizing his point. He wants his disciples to understand that sin in their lives is a huge issue. And to get rid of the sin, you must get rid of that by which sin comes! In fact, it is better that the disciples be lame or crippled (and in turn unclean in a Jewish society) than to be "thrown into the eternal fire," (18:8b ESV). Sin ultimately leads to future judgment and separation from the Father.

Sin in our lives is unacceptable. Yet somehow, we have omitted this truth from the Christian Church. Even our language reflects it. It is not uncommon to hear phrases such as "that cake is sinfully good." But think about how far we've come! What once was the plague to be avoided at all costs has become just a colorful adjective. Jesus' disciples wouldn't have known what to do with language like this.

Are you living in sin? Please be reminded this is not a question to laugh off. Jesus tells the kingdom community: get rid of it!

If your computer causes you to sin... throw it away. If your friends cause you to sin... remove yourself from them. It is better to go through life computerless and friendless than to face the future judgment.

Most people who followed the actor's career knew that he had a problem with drugs and alcohol. His problem was actually much more severe than your typical college binge drinking and occasional Hollywood drug use. Farley started drinking in highschool, and started drugs in college, and couldn't stop doing either. Though he took his work at Olympic Improv, Second City, and SNL seriously, his addictions were controlling his life, and spiraling him downward into a dark place personally. I think many people would surmise that I learned some lesson concerning addiction or moderation from his story. While I did my fair share of drinking/partying in college, I never had a "drinking problem," and have never touched a drug. What I am struck by is not Farley's behavior, but the behavior of his close friends and family.

Everyone around Farley knew what he was doing. They could see how out of control he was allowing his life to become. They saw his unhappiness and knew that he did not want to be the "big fat drunk guy." They walked him home drunk every night, woke him up after he passed out, watched him trip on various drugs, saw him become obsessed with addiction, and sat back and did NOTHING. Quite a few people that contributed to the book stated that they would allow his natural charm and charisma talk them out of confronting him. A brave few would say something like, "So, what's going on? Why are you drinking so much?" and the second Farley showed disinterest in what they were saying, they backed off and never brought it up again. Now, to be fair, people did start interventions once the problem had gotten extremely serious, and he was beginning to put his life in physical danger. However, I stop and think, would he have died if someone had stepped in earlier? Could it have been prevented if someone had been brave enough to say to him in highschool or in college, "Hey, we need to talk. I'm worried," and not let him persuade them to stop talking...What if?

So where is the lesson for us? Its twofold really...First, is there someone in your life that has strayed? Maybe they aren't spiraling out of control from insane amounts of alcohol, mushrooms, cocaine, whatever....but, maybe they have lost their way...lost their faith...given up on a career....stopped going to church...aren't taking college seriously...allowing something negative to control them....in a relationship that is unhealthy...Are you allowing your like of this person to prevent you from loving them in a dangerous way? My principal used a term called, "courageous conversations." Who are you allowing to slip just because you are scared of how they will react to your gentle correcting/loving intervention? Is there a "Farley" in your life?

Okay, now wait...before you go "confronting in love," there are a few principles you need to remember. First, you need to prayerfully and carefully choose your words. Confronting someone in a way that puts them on the defensive typically can and will end up doing more harm than good. Approaching the person needs to be done because you truly care about them, not because you want to condemn them or have some time on your personal soapbox. This leads to principle two...genuine friendship/relationship. There are lots of people I think are doing dumb things. However, I know that it would be completely wrong for me to just go up to every casual acquaintance/casual friend I have and let them know my personal opinions on their life choices. That would be going against principles one and two. You need to have a relationship built on trust and respect before you can effectively confront someone. If that type of relationship is in place, you will also be more likely to approach the confrontation from a place of love and concern, not opinions and judgment.

Secondly, there is a lesson to be learned for all of us. We might be in a "Farley" situation...doing something that is unhealthy, detracting from our walk with God, causing us to lose our way, etc. We need to be open to those people in our lives who may have the courage to confront us, and allow them to speak truth into our life. I can remember a few instances where a close friend pulled me aside, and in a calm and gentle manner, (using the Matthew 18 principle when needed) called me out on stupid things I was doing. Yeah, at the time, it hurt a little. No one likes to hear the truth. No one likes to know that other people recognize the dumb things we are doing....typically because we know we are being dumb, and lack the courage to change..Having someone call us out, only makes it more likely that we will have to change, angering us. However, now, as I look back, I am so grateful to those people, who loved me enough to stop me before I spiraled out of control...who helped me get back on track....who cared enough to not allow me to screw up my life.

So, do you have a Farley in your life that you need to confront in love? Someone you have been watching go astray while you sat idly by....too scared to say anything? Do you love them enough to stop them before they "overdose?" If someone comes to you, or has come, and you've shut them out, are you brave enough to change? to listen? Don't let the things of this world take you before your time. Don't let them rob you of the happiness you can have. Don't be a Farley, and stop allowing those you love and care for to be one either. They might end up in a van down by the river, and you wouldn't want that would you? =)

Fueled by the constant teaching of the kingdom, Jesus' disciples ask him a simple question: "who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:1 ESV). Often we paint a picture of the disciples as ignorant, and here they seem to be a bit arrogant. They want to know who will be the best in what's to come (probably assuming they will be). Or perhaps we can assume their real question is similar to what John and James ask Jesus in Matthew 20:20-23/Mark 10:35-37 concerning greatness among the disciples themselves. Either way, they want the inside scoop.

But of course Jesus-as he usually does-shifts the definition of greatness by drawing a child into their midst and saying if you want to be great, then you be like this child. Children are forced to be humble because they have no standing in society: they don't have the rights that adults do (voting, driving, etc.). Children are also dependent on their parents to survive. No matter how much you child likes Happy Meals, if you don't drive them to McDonald's to pick one up, they're going without. Jesus says if you want to be great, you be as dependent on your heavenly Father as this child is on his earthly father.

What's more, causing one of these "little ones" (those who are least in the world yet great in the kingdom) to sin is so bad it would be better for you to be "deep sixed," that is, killed mafia-style (18:6). Knowing the general weariness most Israelites had of the sea, this death might have been viewed worse than crucifixion.

Remember, these twelve men had every reason to feel privileged. Although they might have come from humble backgrounds, they've now had the opportunity to be in the inner circle of disciples for the most charismatic and popular figure Judaism had seen in a long time. And this leader had been teaching constantly on the kingdom and its implications. It's easy to see they thought of themselves as just a little better than most because of their close status to Jesus. If you were in their shoes, you would have done the same.

How often do we feel we should be great because of our heritage, our money, or our friends?

Yet greatness is not indicative of our social network, but of our childlikeness.

So, now I've started devising little tricks to help me remember things.  I've programmed birthdays and anniversaries into my computer and my phone, I've found important locations in the house and the office to put things so I know I'll see them.  I am finding more and more ways to "tie a string around my finger" these days.

One thing I'm still prettry good at remembering, though, is pain.  When you do something that hurts me, whether you intended it or not, I have a remarkable ability to remember it for a very long time.  I'll bet you're like that too.  What is it about painful circumstances that seem to linger in our memories forever...long after we have expressed forgiveness?  And more importantly, does that mean we haven't really forgiven?  After all, when God talks about forgiveness, He promises, "I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." Jeremiah 31:34.  And we are commanded to forgive just as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32).  So, if I have truly forgiven, why do I still have these painful memories of times I was wounded?

I don't have the answer to that question.

But here is something I do know: forgiveness and forgetting are not the same thing, at least not for us (and don't get me started on the question of how a God Who is not temporal--i.e., does not exist in time the way you and I do--can forget something...it makes my brain hurt).  For those of us stuck in this human existence, it is just not yet scientifically possible for us to select specific brain cells containing specific memories and destroy them.  Memories linger.  Painful memories linger longer.

The key to living a life of grace, it seems to me, is to take those memories captive and not let them dictate my behavior.  Therein lies the real practical effect of forgiveness.  It is not that I don't remember what you did to me, it is that I will not allow that memory to change how I treat you.  I will still love you, and as long as Christ lives in me, there is nothing you can do (or fail to do) that will change that.

Now, one last intriguing question.  If it ever does become scientifically possible to select specific brain cells and destroy specific memories (and if it is easy and inexpensive to do), then when I forgive you for something, would I also be morally obligated to destroy the memory?  Think of the ramifications.  Completely forgetting about the abuse by a family member, or about the betrayal by a spouse.  Would you do it?  Should you do it?

I welcome your thoughts.

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com

Matthew 18 says:

15“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

What will keep us from following this commandment?

• "I do not have the right to judge.." If you grew up in a "christian" environment, live in a progressive city, or are sick of getting clubbed upside the head with cultural, religious, and arbitrary rules and told that you are making God angry unless you follow them then this is the first thing that comes to your mind.  Of course you wouldn't have the right to judge because YOU don't want to be judged. I do not blame you. The beauty of this idea though, is that it has very little to do with enforcing your random moral judgement and rules. It has everything to do with love. I can't emphasize what a foreign concept this is. But I do have a story that occurred to me last night. I was meeting with our body and we were involved in a discussion that concerned an issue they were wrestling with. All of a sudden the tension rose when they decided that the conversation could not continue any further until an issue concerning my character was addressed. What ensued was 30 long minutes of them expressing experiences that they have had in which they had been damaged by my thoughts and actions. Some of these were from as far as 12 years ago and you could see how difficult it was and how silly they felt to express, through tears, something from so long ago. This was exacerbated by the fact that most of what they were addressing I did not either know had happened or remember. The point of this whole story is that at the end they stated: "Ben, we want you to know that we love you." At that time, those words struck me in a very strange way. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs "DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT!...I just watched you squirming in the chair for the last half hour doing things that are light years out of your comfort zone that make you look crazy and I know that the only thing that motivated you was that you care enough about me to endure it." It felt like someone just jumped into a burning building risking their life to drag my sorry ass out and after said "by the way, even though I did that, you know I love you, right?" I am personally overwhelmed with thankfulness that the confrontation happened and that I am surrounded by a community that loves me more than any moral code that would result in judging me in silence. 
• "It's not my business..." This also comes packaged in such phrases as:"It will not affect me..." or "They are not in my community..." This is quite simply not true. There are two levels at which this lie occurs. The body level and the kingdom level. If someone is, in fact, in your community then a sin in their life is hurting them and is and will hurt you. On a Kingdom level we must look at the arbitrary categories that we create. When God looks down, I get the feeling he laughs when he sees categories that we create such as First Baptist, Southern Baptist or church member. Not to say that labels do not have their place but we must we remember that we are members of a Kingdom and we have and serve the same King. The expansion of that kingdom must be our primary goal and if we all share it there is no such thing as privacy or personal business. It would be the equivalent of my wife telling me that her being an alcoholic is her business. 
• "It's not that big of a deal..." By now, you should be able to recognize the problems with this. If someone says this there can only be a combination of 2 reasons.
  • They do not believe that sin is truly dangerous.
  • they do not believe that we are connected.
• "It's not my place to judge them..." This is also packaged using such phrases as: "I don't know if I am right..." or "I am not qualified..." While this may be true it should not be used it is not an excuse to disobey the commandment and ultimately will not get to the root of the issue. I think people often get confused in thinking that in order to confront a specific person/issue you must have a masters degree in alcohol/lust/lying/image/beauty/identity/laziness/gambling/pride/ or even that person. While you do not need any of these things there is one thing that is required. A PhD in love. It is the greatest way and the ONLY requirement. This is not a job for pastors, elders, counselors or family. It is a job for those that love. 

• "I already know how they will respond..." This is also coincides with "It's not going to do any good" or feelings of "I don't think we should be gossiping about this." When we are gossiping sometimes we feel guilty. Usually our first response is to think "we shouldn't be talking about this person behind their back." In other words, the opposite of gossip or slander is silence. What if this wasn't the case. What if the opposite of talking about someone behind their back was talking to them to their face? This would combat the concept that the result is more important than the process. The goal is not to change the persons morals. The goal is to have the body of Christ built up through love. In order to do this you have to love people. When you are gossiping, not only are you hurting them more, but you are not helping them.  Another breakdown that occurs is that  rarely do people follow the FULL process. There are guidelines of what to do if the person continues to live in sin. Approaching them with another "brother" or "witness" as other translations say can be equally important as the initial approach. I know that personally there are all sorts of things I can dismiss one person saying. If one person approached me and then 2 people and then my whole body I might really have to decide if I am better at making decisions than every other person around me put together. The Bible is smart enough to know this. 

• I would like to constantly be in a state of restoration  with the Father
• I would like to exist in a body that is surrounded by love for each other and is more concerned about each others health than they are with their own standards or egos. 
• I would like to see the Kingdom of God restored and advancing as members bond together in their common goal. 

With that in mind I would like to throw out the questions:

What would this look like?

If you had the choice to live in a community where people were so focused on their King that they were able to put aside their own personal agendas in order to help and be helped by others, would you want to? What if helping or being helped was not easy or even threatened your own independence? 

Is Christian forgiveness akin to sticking our heads in the sand and ignoring a brother's bad behavior? Is that really the picture of forgiveness?  In order to forgive, do I just have to get good at pretending?

I believe the answer to all of these questions is a resounding "no".  There is a great deal more to forgiveness than just pretending it never happened.  Frankly, that would be too easy.  If it were that easy, everybody would be doing it.  But they're not, because it isn't.

I am no Hebrew scholar, but commentators smarter than me have explained that the word for "offense" which is used in Proverbs 19:11 is not the Hebrew word most commonly used for sin.  Rather, it is a word whose connotation is more about "annoying" or "irritating".  To use an American colloquialism, When someone rubs you the wrong way, you might just need to build a bridge and get over it. This wisdom from Solomon has more to do with not being overly sensitive than it has to do with actual forgiveness.  It is about patience. It is the right response when your spouse squeezes the toothpaste in the middle of the tube instead of the end of the tube, or when she puts the toilet paper on the roll backwards (or not at all).  It is the right response to annoying behavior (and who would know more about annoying spousal behavior than Solomon, the guy with a hundred wives...but I digress).

Irritating behavior is an entirely different scenario from the kind of behavior that warrants forgiveness.  When you have sinned and God forgives you, there is nothing about that forgiveness that says, "Don't worry about it Blake because this is no big deal at all, it's not important, etc."  Rather, God's forgiveness says, "This hurt me more than you will ever know...now, let's move forward...no condemnation."  Likewise, our forgiveness must include an appropriate expression of pain ("Ouch, that hurt") along with a promise of forgiveness.

When you have been deeply wounded, pretending it didn't happen is an inappropriate response.  Similarly, when you're just being overly sensitive to annoying behavior, forgiveness is an inappropriate response (eg., "Honey, I just want you to know that I forgive you for ruining my tooth brushing experience this morning by squeezing the tube in the wrong place.")

As Christians, we are called upon to recognize when overlooking the offense is the right response and when forgiveness is the right response.  Not always easy, is it?

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com

Matthew 18 says:

15"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

I have a series of questions I would like answered followed by a test you can take to see if this info applies to you:

1. Is this optional?

2. What does it look like?

3. Does this happen?

To answer my own questions, there is nothing in the text that would indicate to me that this is optional. As for what it looks like, I do not know. I have heard fairy tale type stories of this happening but have never personally experienced it. As for the third question, I guess I have always assumed that it happens but the type of stories I hear seem to be in "extreme cases" that by then is usually too late, which leads me to ask 2 more questions. 

4. Is this verse for "extreme" cases?

5. Why is this verse here and what happens when we ignore it?

If you are anything like me you grew up with an understanding that this verse is to be practiced when the sin that is being committed is so extreme and destructive that it cannot possibly be ignored anymore. So, in other words, the commands in this verse are viewed as a last resort. In order to see if this is a healthy viewpoint I think we need to answer question #5. 

For all of the negative press this idea gets it seems to me like this idea is actually presented as a gift to the church. The passage itself is smashed between two parables one talking about God pursuing the "lost sheep" and the forgiveness of Christ being told from the perspective of an unforgiving servant. So why is this passage more of a threat than a gift? If we even wanted too, what would keep us all from jumping in with this idea tomorrow? Keep in mind, we must not be looking at this from a merely a discipline perspective but from a perspective of restoration and growth. I believe that there are 2 beliefs that you must believe very strongly to predicate a decision of this nature. 

1. Sin is harmful and dangerous. 

2. We are connected. 

If you see sin damaging another believer and you believe what I Corinthians says about us being a body (If one part suffers, every part suffers with it) then out of concern for the person and the body of Christ you will engage in a process that will promote healing. 

The TestAnswer these questions:

Do you know of any people (who consider themselves Christians) that have committed an event or are engaged in a lifestyle that you would consider sinful or destructive to themselves and/or the people around them?

Do  you ever find yourself discussing or wanting to discuss someone else's sin or destructive behavior with someone other than the source?

If you answered "Yes" to either of the above questions there is a good chance that you should have been involved with a confrontation/restoration process that is presented in Matthew 18. This brings me to the final question:

Have you confronted anyone that you think has a sin issue or lifestyle that has been destroying either themselves or the people around them this week? month? year? lifetime?

If not...

Either you do not believe that sin is harmful, do not believe that we are connected, or all of the people in your network are already dealing with their sin in the most productive and healthy way possible. Am I missing any options?

Next post will include the method for this to work as well as the main obstacles that will keep it from happening. 

Questions? Comments? Push back? Am I off my rocker?

Why then the need for mediation if there was reconciliation all the way around? It was because of what happened in his criminal prosecution and what happened in the church after his release from prison.

A dispute arose in the church about whether the injured family, who said they had fully forgiven him, should have nonetheless testified in the criminal prosecution. Another dispute arose after that, when the man asked to return to work in the children's Sunday School department, but this time under strict supervision. There was a dispute about how to respond to this request. The argument in both instances centered around the meaning of forgiveness. "If we have forgiven him, shouldn't we forego testifying at his trial and shouldn't we trust him again with our children?" Eventually, the church concluded (rightly, I believe) that the correct answer to these questions is "no" and "no".

Even when forgiveness is fully extended and received, there are often consequences to our offenses. Just because I am forgiven does not mean there will be no consequences. Anybody who has embraced God's forgiveness for the sin in their own life can testify to this truth...there are still consequences. That the consequences come does not mean God has not forgiven me. Indeed, the consequences may well be the best evidence of His continued love for me ("God disciplines those He loves").

In the instance I described above, it would be so wrong for the church to put that gentleman (with a confessed problem in this area) back into the same situation only to be tempted again. It would be wrong to the children, to their parents, and especially to that man. Even if this is the man's only ministry, the consequences of his actions are that he now must find a new and different ministry...one that does not involve being with children. As for the testimony of the family in the criminal prosecution, I suppose it depends on their hearts. If their reason for testifying is to exact punishment out of some sense of retribution, then their motives are poor and are contrary to forgiveness. But if their motives are simply to do their civic duty and tell the truth about what they know (perhaps even with a sense that it will help this man in the long run) then that is not at all inconsistent with forgiveness, because forgiveness does not mean foregoing the consequences.

ONE LAST CAVEAT. In matters where you have an opportunity to "administer the consequences", be very careful to discern whether that is really your job or not. I'm reminded of Joseph and his decision NOT to "administer consequences" to his brothers who sold him into slavery, though nobody could have blamed him if he had. He simply chose forgiveness and left the consequences to God. I suspect that is our best choice more times than not.

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com

Matthew 18 is perhaps one of the most relevant passages of Scripture for the church today. It deals with one thing: how we as believers are supposed to interact with other believers in the community. But before we turn our attention to chapter 18, we need to gain a foothold in Matthew's Gospel by placing ourselves firmly on contextual ground.

It's easy to see one of Jesus' main themes (likely the major theme) of his teaching was the Kingdom of God/Heaven. (Matthew prefers to use Kingdom of Heaven-presumably in a sympathetic note to a Jewish audience which avoided the use of the divine name-whereas Mark and Luke prefer Kingdom of God.) Matthew develops this message throughout his gospel by giving us five large blocks of teaching. Each block of teaching ends characteristically with "when Jesus had finished saying these things..." (7:28; 11:1; 13:53; 19:1; and 26:1). Matthew 18 is but the forth of these blocks, so let's survey them briefly.

1. 5:2-7:27. Jesus' first major teaching block is the Sermon on the Mount where he outlines the ethic for his newly proclaimed Kingdom of Heaven (4:17). It is a call for personal preparation for the coming of the Kingdom.
2. 10:5-42. Here Jesus sends out the Twelve with their mission to the "lost sheep of the house of Israel" (10:6) as a demonstration of the coming/present Kingdom.
3. 13:1-52. Now Jesus describes the Kingdom with the use of eight "Kingdom Parables" including well known parables such as the Sower, the Weeds, and the Mustard Seed.
4. 18:1-35. This will be our major passage of discussion. Here Jesus teaches his disciples how the people of the Kingdom are to behave.
5. 23:1-25:46. Although debated where this block begins, overall the message (which ends in the Olivet Discourse) is about the present reality for those who do not receive the Kingdom and the future judgment to come.

So Matthew 18 is right at home in the context of the Kingdom teaching. It has five major sections to which we'll next turn:

1. The greatest among us (vv. 1-6)
2. The magnitude of sin (vv. 7-9)
3. The sheep that went astray (vv. 10-14)
4. Brotherly reconciliation (vv. 15-20)
5. A mandate to forgive (vv. 21-35)

Are we living a communal life which Jesus commanded? Let's find out.

“God’s love is terrible, in a way. Think of all it includes.”

I have often been asked, “Could not God have forgiven people without going through the pain and the violence of the cross?” As nice as that sounds, reality forces me to ask: When is forgiveness not painful? True forgiveness cannot occur unless the hurt is acknowledged and called for what it is. When you look a wrong full in the face but choose to accept the hurt instead of returning it on the one who did it, that is always painful.

Justice can never be achieved by reparation or retribution alone, because like the servants’ debts, true wrongs can never be repaid. The hurt and pain caused are not reversible. Punishing the guilty person does not undo the hurt either, even if it brings brief satisfaction to the victim, just as the first servant did not get his money back simply because the other man was in jail. Justice must be about much more than balancing out the wrongs of the world. It must be about making things right, about the kind of restoration that does not reverse the pain, but moves beyond it toward something new.

And just as wrongs cannot be erased by punishment or repayment, they cannot really be erased by simple forgiveness either. When the master forgives the servant’s debt, the debt does not simply disappear. The master takes the loss! He accepts the full brunt of the debt himself. Similarly, when a person forgives, he or she accepts the full brunt of the hurt or injustice rather than returning it on the one who caused it. Although it is painful, this is the way that healing and restoration begin. This is why there is no way to avoid the bloody Cross. And this is why God’s love is terrible.

Think of what it includes: us, with our best and our worst, with our failed attempts and outright cruelty, with our wrong motives for right actions and our right motives for wrong actions... us, with the mess we have made of the world, with our brokenness and despair, with our rebellions and inadequacies. We are the ones included in and redeemed by the deep and wide love of God.

Wow.  I'm speechless. 

I'll be digesting those thoughts all day...

Sometimes when I am counseling with someone about forgiveness, especially when it is someone who has been hurt deeply by another person, he/she will say something like this to me: "I know I need to forgive them, but I'm just not ready to forgive yet." Most likely, what this hurting person is conveying with that comment is that he/she is not yet ready to start trusting that person again, because trust is a process and it takes time both to earn it and to give it. But I don't think of forgiveness in that same way. As Christians, I think it is better for us to think of forgiveness as a promise. It is not something we wait to do, it is a commitment we make right up front, just as soon as the pain has occurred. That's how God forgives us, and we are instructed to forgive others in the same way God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).

I think too often we wait to forgive. We wait until it feels right to do so. But forgiveness (in the way the Bible describes it) is not a feeling at all. If we wait until we feel like forgiving, it will never happen.

Forgiveness is more about wiping away a debt. It is saying to a person, "You owe me nothing more...no money, no apology, no hugs, no sympathy cards, nothing...I really am no longer looking for any of that from you...you are released from any moral or ethical or legal obligations to me for this pain...as much as is possible, we are going to move forward now and I will not be holding this over you any longer, waiting to hit you on the head with it if you mess up again...I will not be keeping score because where I am concerned your slate is now wiped clean...I wish the very best for you and God's blessings on you." Forgiveness isn't something we wait to feel, it is something we communicate to the person who hurt us irrespective of how we feel.

And it is hard to do. If it were easy, everybody would be doing it. But it is not easy. This is why the very act of forgiveness tends to separate Christ's church from the rest of the world. It is a distinguishing characteristic of Christ followers. We have been forgiven much, so we forgive.

So while trust may be a process, the promise of forgiveness is not. But though trust and forgiveness are two different things, there is a definite relationship between them. Making the promise of forgiveness is what triggers the beginning of the trust process. Without forgiveness, there can be no more trust. But once forgiveness is given, the process of trusting again begins. Forgiveness takes a broken relationship and places it back on track for the healing process to begin. It is the first step in the healing journey.

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com

As a church mediator working with conflicted congregations, I have come to believe that the sin posing the most significant threat to church unity today is the sin of unforgiveness. I cannot even count the number of otherwise good, Godly Christians who I have seen struggling at deep, deep levels with unforgiveness. Payback, it seems, is one of the first and deepest seeds of the flesh sewn into our human fabric, and it is tearing our churches apart.

Unforgiveness is serious business in God's eyes. Remember when Jesus taught the disciples how to pray (the model prayer)? Remember the one concept in that prayer that He went back to explain? You got it: forgiveness. He said, "But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

I have to tell you, I'm not completely sure I fully understand that statement. I mean, I don't know how it squares with the doctrine of grace, i.e., unmerited favor. Add that question to my list of questions for when I meet Jesus in heaven. I've heard some theologians comment that this statement by Jesus is merely a restatement of the Old covenant (i.e., being under the law) and that the crucifixion and resurrection removed that condition upon receiving God's forgiveness. Sounds plausible to me.

But for purposes of this post, the point is this: God takes unforgiveness very seriously. We must never underestimate the seriousness with which He views unforgiveness. That, I believe, is the point of Jesus' parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:23-35. In bringing closure to His discussion about His ekklesia, i.e., in casting the vision for the disciples of exactly what "the church" would be and how it would operate, He concludes with a parable about forgiveness...because forgiveness would become a hallmark of His church. It would be a distinctive feature which would separate His church from every other community the world would know. Forgiveness, as embodied in the crucified Christ, would be the "cornerstone" of the church. That makes it a pretty fundamental concept for Christians.

Naturally, then, Jesus concludes his parable of the servant who would not forgive by explaining that the servant was thrown into the dungeon to be tortured, "and so my heavenly Father will do to you if you do not forgive your brother."

Ouch.

Can you even imagine Jesus looking into the eyes of these men who had given up their livelihoods for him and had followed him for more than two years now and saying those harsh words? Again, the point is clear...God takes our unforgiveness seriously.

There is so much more to say about forgiveness, what it is, how it works, etc. Those are all future posts. For now, let's establish this simple truth: you do NOT want to be the unmerciful servant in Jesus' parable (or the unmerciful driver in our own little parable). You want to make forgiveness one of the personal characteristics people see in you. It is an identifying feature of Christ's church...or at least it is supposed to be.

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com

One of the things I notice about myself as I watch is how many new numbers I learn. Before this week, I never knew what a world class split time for 100 meters freestyle was. Before this week, I never knew how to calculate team averages in gymnastic rotations in the team competition. But I found my brain awash in these calculations all night long as I watched with anticipation. For a guy who went to law school so I wouldn't have to learn any more math, I sure get wrapped up in the math of competition quickly...because the numbers are important in Olympic competition. It is how we remember athletes' performances. It is how we keep score. And let's be honest here, keeping score is important to us.

But in matters of grace and forgiveness, numbers are apparently not important to God. So I believe Peter was a bit befuddled by Jesus' response to his question about forgiveness in Matthew 18. And I believe we are right there with Peter. Our chests swell with pride over how forgiving we have just been with a brother...for the [fill in the blank with your favorite number]-th time. We are proud because we are still keeping score. Keeping score is important to us. Not so much because we ever intend to do anything with it...that, after all, would be wrong. No, the score is important to me just so that I can feel good about myself. It's a way of measuring my sacrifice, my worthiness, my self-perceived value to the kingdom of God. It's not so much that I want to flaunt it (o.k., maybe I do want to flaunt it a little, but I won't because that would appear vain), I just want to hold onto the number for my own benefit.

And so, we are taken aback by Jesus' response to Peter (and to us): "You're not gonna want to try and keep count of this, because you're gonna need to be doing this constantly, all day, every day, as often as it takes." (My paraphrase). We are taught that we are to forgive as God forgives (Ephesians 4:32), and God isn't keeping count. The only quantity that matters in questions about God's grace is the quantity "enough". God's grace is enough. No matter the sin, no matter the person and no matter the circumstances, God's grace covers it. Therefore, keeping count (i.e., keeping a track record) becomes unnecessary, in fact, distracting. It defeats the whole notion of forgiveness, which is to wipe away all debt so that nothing more is owed. It is starting from zero (again).

In matters of forgiveness, God isn't keeping score and neither must we. In fact, if you're keeping score, you probably haven't forgiven. Keeping score is for Olympic athletes and gold medals...not for Christians and forgiveness.

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com

Pretty brilliant advertising, really. I'm convinced it is what started the current trend by restaurants and burger joints to sell us embarrassingly HUGE portions of food. Remember back when you could actually finish a plate of food you ordered at a restaurant? So, Wendy's pokes a little fun at burger joints for giving us smallish burgers and look what we've got now...massive amounts of beef everywhere. Score, Wendy's.

Since it worked so well for Wendy's, I'd like to propose a communications campaign for the church in America. It will be called the "Where's the Power?" campaign. We'll run adds of "man on the street" interviews asking people why they are so repelled by the church, to which each of them (in some fun, unique way) will respond, "Where's the power?" And you know what? They'll be right.

In Matthew 18, when Jesus described his "church" and how it would function and what it would be like (remember, none of the disciples had ever seen anything like "eklesia" before, so it required some vision-casting by Jesus), he brought his entire lesson to a climax when He described the supernatural power with which His church would be equipped:

"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:18-20

Powerful stuff, right? Who wouldn't want to be a part of that? I would like to find this church and join it. The problem, of course, is finding it. This is NOT the church in America. I've heard accounts from South America and from Africa and from South Korea that it IS the church in other places around the world, but I don't think any of us can make a colorable argument that these words describe the church in America, with the possible exception of some small pockets of believers here and there.

What is clearly missing so often in the western church is an actual empowering of the Holy Spirit toward God-sized things that simply cannot be explained in human terms. That is the God of the Bible. When He moved, there was never any doubt about whether this was the accomplishment of man or of something much bigger than us. It was always clear.

I believe there is an entire lost and broken world looking for God. I do not believe, however, that we are really showing Him to them in many cases. We're showing them how great WE are at singing and preaching and building facilities and being creative and relevant. But most of what the world can see can easily be explained in human terms; nothing really God-sized about it.

I believe that, when the church in America falls under this conviction: that there is truly NOTHING meaningful we can accomplish apart from the work of the Holy Spirit, that we don't need bigger buildings or better programs or more relevant music unless we first get a healthy dose of the Holy Spirit and His power...I believe then we will find answers to so many of the questions we have been asking about cultural relevance and missional worldviews and doctrinal purity. I believe our answers to these (and other) burning questions will come much easier when we start asking the first and foremost question:

"Where's the Power?" And how do we get it?

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com

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To quote Elton John...

It's sad, its so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so