As I held the rather large chunk of paper in my hands, I had some mixed emotions.

It felt heavy due to the weight of the paper; the weight of the subject matter; the weight of time spent agonizing over words/sentences/material; the weight of my eyes as they strained after sleepless nights constructing sentences in my sleep; and so on...

Given the heaviness being lifted gradually, the thesis also felt light. As though a weight was being lifted off of my mind. Strange.

I sat staring at it. Disbelief. Pride. Disappointment. Happiness. Excitement. Many varying emotions flash through my mind.

I want for others to read it. But at the same time I don't. I want others to see it and say, hey she worked really hard... she wasn't just fooling around all this time! But at the same time, I don't want to bring attention to it. Strange indeed.

I never said I was not weird.

For a topic, Professor Kroll, the program director, told us to pick something we love because it's all about the eros.  Now I KNOW I can't pick food (or can I?  Still on the BFL thing, and it's good, btw).  The next thing is thinking what I LOVE about books, what books I love, etc.  I love the pull-in, can't put down, entire world created kind of book, ranging from 100 Years of Solitude to A Prayer for Owen Meany to Harry Potter.  When you want to BE in that world and not leave, it's so beautiful and wraps you up and speaks to the something almost primal deep inside.  I also am playing with the idea of my not so secret, kind of frivolous love- Buffy (the vampire slayer, that is).  There was something so right about everything in that show, from the hero's journey to the found family to the implications of the weight of power to the dichotomy of a feminine, frivolous girl who kicks ridiculous ass.  There was a conference in Arkansas this June where several educators submitted papers about Buffy, Angel, and Firefly, Joss Whedon's other show, so I know that it is something that in some circles is academically viable.  But part of me thinks, no, I can't do that, I have to do something real.  But it's all about eros, right?

Please, if you have any ideas, shoot.  I do NOT want to go near any Brit Lit- I respect it, it's just not what turns me on.  Other than that, I have about 20 days!

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"You sound like an unemployed psychiatrist."

Considering I am not an employed psychiatrist, I guess it is not entirely untrue. So.....over at Plausible Accuracy, I read the following:

I’ve got about 70 pages written on a document that I call “my thesis”. The problem is, I hate it. I’ve written it all in fits and spurts, jumping around from one section to the next. Some days I’ll write pages and pages and it seems like it’s going really well, and other days I’ll spend all day staring at emacs and not getting anything down. Lately it’s been much more of the latter.

I can relate to this. I have been working on my master's thesis for quite some time now, much longer than I planned.

"I would nominate that as the understatement of the year..."

Hey, at least it is almost finished, and I like my stuff, but it certainly has taken quite a bit of time. However, my problem is not so much that I hate writing it, but since I am skilled and creative with computers/Internet, I can think of a million other things that I enjoy doing more while I am sitting behind a computer.

"Actually, I believe the term and description for that is: a computer nerd with no (social) life who can only think of computers day and night."

So I have been seriously considering locking myself up somewhere, with access to "Office" software and nothing else that could distract me from typing away on my thesis for hours and hours. I have heard of many students/people doing just that, with very good results. For the sake of productivity, I should be like that, too. I mean, I do have access to my university's computer rooms and stuff. On the other hand, last time I was making use of one to work on my thesis, there were other distractive factors, such as other people typing, discussing whatever they were working on while typing and even using their cells for communication gibberish.

"Why, that is an excellent opportunity to practice your "shutting people the hell up" skills. It is crucial for people who want to be leaders one day!"

I guess. Another motivational issue is that the whole "documenting thing" is a lot less interesting than the "thinking about problems and working out (potential) solutions" thing. Yet, it is difficult to document it neatly straight away, while still in the mood to be productive after having done something "you perceive as" productive, because that normally results in incoherent notes/scribbles prone to drastic modifications overtime. I mean, I do not even want to know how many times I have (completely) rewritten my introduction, several paragraphs of my methodology and other chapters/paragraphs all over my thesis.

"Oooh, but I do want you to talk about it. As detailed as possible!"

And I was writing them quite seriously at the time, too. So imagine how much worse that would have been if I was just randomly jotting them down as scribbles instead. It is a serious hassle and it seems like I can always find a better way to put it every time I reread it. It almost makes me afraid to reread my own work again because I know I will modify it going "OK, this is much better!" and then do the exact same time the next time I reread it! But maybe it is just the mentality of being extra critical of your own work. Normally, when I am reading other people's papers, I read through them as they are and go "OK, I am absorbing the knowledge of what it is saying here" without really paying attention to how they say it. However, when I am reading my own work, it is like I do not care what I said, but how I said it and how, if at all possible, I can say it better. It is not easy being a perfectionist!

"Actually, that's just your pathetic lack of writing skills."

In addition, working on a (master's) thesis takes at least several months, from start to finish. And in many/most cases way more than that: it could takes years. For a Ph.D (concerning my research field anyway) it takes at least 4 years. I guess speed is one reason why I like blogging: writing a blog post usually takes just under an hour. OK, there are cases where I have spent longer than 1-2 hours working on one, spread out over a few days, but those are rare and then I have a "finished" product that I can somewhat be satisfied with.

"Speaking of blog posts: this is likely not the time to write one!"

Well, writing this blog post has inspired me to work harder once more! Over at Plausible Accuracy, as a "writing experiment", some random thesis "snippets" were available in an attempt to get comments and boost his motivation. I tried to do something similar some time ago, actually. But after awhile, I realized that uploading an early chapter that I thought was considered finished was a bit too embarrassing after all. Especially after I had significantly improved it later (but locally) and saw how "crappy" unfinished the uploaded version was. So I decided not to put early drafts of a draft online like that.

"Can't say I blame ya."

One thing left for me to say then, for many things and regardless of reason: the longer you drag on with your work, the harder it becomes to finish it.

"Ehm, don't you mean "lock yourself up in a library early in the process"? That sounds so much more productive, after all."

Still undecided on that. Well, back to work it is!

No, ale w końcu Statistica policzyła, co miała policzyć;) Do tego wszystkie moje intuicyjne założenia znalazły potwierdzenie w książce Azoff'a. Teraz tylko wystarczy to jakoś spójnie opisać i pożenić razem: sztuczne sieci neuronowe, modele ekonometryczne, systemy transakcyjne, modele data-miningowe, strategie inwestycyjne, dwa typy akcji (Próchnik i Pekao), prognozowanie cen za pomocą modeli ARMA-GARCH (które służą de facto do prognozowania zmienności...) itd...

Knowing the difference between good and evil seems central to any account of ethical thought. Yet Dietrich Bonhoeffer argues that Christian ethics’ “first task” is to supercede this knowledge. Rejecting the knowledge of good and evil, Bonhoeffer regards modern ethics as continuous with Adam and Eve’s illegitimate meal in the garden of Eden. Grasping at wisdom apart from God, the earliest humans brought death and division into the world. Bonhoeffer’s account of Christian ethics is inimical to the self-justification, judgment of others, and autonomous notions of individual freedom that the knowledge of good and evil provides. Human beings employ their knowledge of good and evil in efforts to unify their lives and communities, but Bonhoeffer sees that these actions spring from the divided state of fallen humanity. Yet if Christian ethics really involves “un-knowing” good and evil, on what basis can Christians confront the complex and difficult decisions that they face daily? How are Christians to respond to violence, destruction, and immorality—both in their own lives and in the acts of people around them? How are Christians (and others) to teach their children how to behave without recourse to some conception of good and evil? This thesis explores the knowledge of good and evil in Bonhoeffer’s writings and traces the development of his ethics as an alternative account of moral knowledge. The ethics of the church, in Bonhoeffer’s understanding, is grounded in the knowledge gained through being incorporated into the body of Jesus Christ, through extending his mission, and through proclaiming his gospel.

Originally posted at: a few words.

Knowing the difference between good and evil seems central to any account of ethical thought. Yet Dietrich Bonhoeffer argues that Christian ethics’ “first task” is to supercede this knowledge. Rejecting the knowledge of good and evil, Bonhoeffer regards modern ethics as continuous with Adam and Eve’s illegitimate meal in the garden of Eden. Grasping at wisdom apart from God, the earliest humans brought death and division into the world. Bonhoeffer’s account of Christian ethics is inimical to the self-justification, judgment of others, and autonomous notions of individual freedom that the knowledge of good and evil provides. Human beings employ their knowledge of good and evil in efforts to unify their lives and communities, but Bonhoeffer sees that these actions spring from the divided state of fallen humanity. Yet if Christian ethics really involves “un-knowing” good and evil, on what basis can Christians confront the complex and difficult decisions that they face daily? How are Christians to respond to violence, destruction, and immorality—both in their own lives and in the acts of people around them? How are Christians (and others) to teach their children how to behave without recourse to some conception of good and evil? This thesis explores the knowledge of good and evil in Bonhoeffer’s writings and traces the development of his ethics as an alternative account of moral knowledge. The ethics of the church, in Bonhoeffer’s understanding, is grounded in the knowledge gained through being incorporated into the body of Jesus Christ, through extending his mission, and through proclaiming his gospel.

Zaczynałam od "Automatycznego projektanta" - taki odpowiednik łizarda, który na podstawie podanych parametrów (liczba opóźnień szeregu, liczba warstw i neuronów w warstwach ukrytych itd.)  przeszukuje w zadanym czasie lub dla zadanej liczby - przestrzeń topologii sieci. Dużą zaletą jest to, że pozwala wyrobić intuicję i wskazuje dalsze kierunki poszukiwań, a dużą wadą to, że wiele ważnych parametrów jest ukrytych, nie mamy kontroli nad procesem budowania modelu, czyli... "czarna skrzynka w czarnej skrzynce";)

Dalej pracuje z projektami predykcyjnych modeli Data-Mining. Używam tam Automatycznego Projektanta jako obiektu, przy czym mam widok na model jako całość, mogę edytować kod , podłączać różne źródła danych i  podawać dane"do wdrożenia" (czyli do zastosowania na gotowym modelu).

Następnie wybraną sieć - zapisaną w pliku lub opisaną ręcznie -  analizuję szczegółowo w trybie "Projekt sieci użytkownika". Tam widać wszystkie szczegóły, w tym nawet wagi poszczególnych krawędzi.

Oto moje wnioski po setkach (sic!) godzin pracy ze Statisticą - najlepszą z możliwych - metodą "trial&error":)

PS: W kolejnym odcinku - zarys planu badań, czyli jakie hipotezy będę badać oraz jak pozyskiwać uran domowym sposobem...

Yesterday when writing a cover letter, instead of writing "... soon I'll have my Master of Science degree in Ergonomic Design and Production engineering..." I wrote "... I've a Master of Science degree in Ergonomic Design and Production engineering...".

My supervisor at the university has to sign a paper, for the report to be published.

I can only wait for the degree certificate to arrive.

Librarians often use the argument that they must pay great heed to the voices of “tax-paying” users. However, every article that I read about the homeless and libraries neglected to identify if the policies or attitudes truly were a reflection of public complaints. Admittedly it would be a challenge to approach patrons to see if homeless patrons were a concern; however, it seems likely that any “problem” behaviors are documented and that the creation of policies against body odor and bed rolls are substantiated by records of these complaints. Yet, where is the evidence? Library articles discuss homelessness, but rarely seem to back-up their statements with proof. Are these “problem patrons” a problem for the staff or for other patrons? Not to say that staff complaints are not valid, but we cannot cloak our decisions in patron beliefs when the concerns are really from the staff. (“Perceptions” 9)

Entitled “Perceptions of Library Students Versus Library Professionals Toward the Homeless Patrons: A Comparative Study,” Budnick’s is one of three interesting LIS Masters Theses based on empirical research about or related to homeless library patrons. Budnick distributed surveys to 21 graduate students in library science and 48 library professionals to measure their attitudes toward homeless people, and to assess the potential influence of their attitudes on library services to the homeless. Citing research from the medical and nursing professions, Budnick points out that nurses and medical school residents who view the causes of homelessness to be social as opposed to individual, and who have personal experience working with homeless persons, tend to hold more positive attitudes toward homeless people, and tend to me more willing to work with them (16). Budnick wanted to know whether the same conclusions could be applied to the library profession. Her survey showed that both library professionals and students tend to believe that homelessness is attributable to social over individual causes, and suggested that both library professionals and students hold relatively unstigmatizing views toward the homeless (25). Interestingly, the students surveyed indicated significantly less willingness to affiliate with homeless people (to share a meal, for example) than library professionals, which Budnick hypothesized might be due to library students’ comparatively lower exposure to homeless persons than their professional counterparts (26). Budnick admits the limited value of her research due to the small number of surveys distributed, and observes a significant contradiction between her data, which indicates a relative lack of stigmatizing attitude toward the homeless on the part of library students and professionals, versus library literature which is filled with examples of stigmatizing language and policies (27). Further, Budnick points out the lack of quantitative research from LIS scholars on the homeless despite the fact that library professionals must and do create and enforce policies targeting this population (29).

Entitled “Problem Patron Policies in Public Libraries: A Content Analysis,” Adam Webb’s 2005 Masters Thesis took a closer look at such policies. Comparing the patron conduct polices of 20 large urban public libraries (defined as serving at least 300,000 individuals) and 20 small public libraries (defined as serving less than 300,000 individuals), Webb tested his hypothesis that larger urban libraries can be expected to have more policies addressing homelessness and criminal elements than smaller public libraries, serving populations with ostensibly smaller homeless populations. Webb’s results indicate something much less conclusive. “The most surprising thing about problem patron policies,” he wrote, “is the sheer amount of policy types” (15). Suggesting that interviews with library administrators to learn about the particular rationales behind specific policies would be a logical extension of his study, Webb reported that he found 56 different types of polices in his study, and added that he assumed many more exist, given the number of libraries not included in his study (15). Digging into the details a bit, Webb also found that only 11 of the 20 large urban libraries had poor hygiene policies, and that similarly, prohibitions on large bedrolls and containers for personal belongings were less common than he had originally expected.

Libraries that want to limit the presence of homeless people within their walls would be expected to have policies limiting the amount and size of baggage that a person can bring into the library. Yet less than half (9/20) of the large libraries had prohibitions on bringing large bedrolls and large containers filled with personal belongings. (13)

Certainly, deeper investigations into the attitudes of library professionals toward the homeless and by extension, the guiding logic behind their patron behavior policies, seem likely to contribute to a deeper understanding of how and why the homeless are identified, stigmatized, and regulated by and within the public library setting. But the voices of library professionals already dominate LIS discourse about homelessness and public libraries. What’s missing from this conversation, writes Aisha Harvey in her 2002 Masters Thesis, are the voices of the homeless themselves. “Instead of assuming that we know what homeless patrons may want or feel in public libraries,” writes Harvey, by investigating their perceptions of information access, “we will be able to read for ourselves what some homeless patrons have said about their own experiences” (“Homeless Perspectives” 5). Harvey interviewed five homeless public library patrons, selected based on their residence at the Durham Urban Ministries homeless shelter in Durham, NC, and on evidence that they used the Central Durham Public Library (1). Each of the five participants was a daily library visitor, and these visits typically lasted for several hours (47). Three of the five claimed to use the library for shelter, and one revealed that he had been caught sleeping in the library. They also used the library for internet access, to read periodicals and stay apprised of current events, to write resumes, and to rent video tapes (48).

This study has shown that homeless people can also be artists, readers, and job seekers. When working with homeless library users, librarians must recognize that not having a home is one important aspect of their lives, but it does not sum up the totality of their needs. It is important for librarians to communicate with local homeless shelters in their area; to better determine the role that their library may or may not be playing in their homeless users’ lives. (Harvey 54)

Acknowledging her study’s small sample size and thus the need for further research to collect more data from a greater number of homeless library patrons, Harvey nevertheless observed that among her informants, perceptions of the library and librarians were positive overall. Participants in her study described the library as a reliable, drug-free and safe place, in contrast to their chaotic lives outside the library (51). “From the informants’ perspectives, they use the library for the same reasons that anyone would. What separates them from other groups of library users may be the frequency with which they participate in these activities at the library on a weekly basis. … This frequency combined with their described activity in the library would mean that some library staff see the same informants come in and get water, go to the bathroom, and ask for help almost everyday” (48). Many librarians view homeless patrons as “problem patrons,” writes Harvey, but this is not how the homeless see themselves: “‘Problem patron’ is a librarian’s category and a negative classification” (54).

When will LIS scholars publish an in-depth discourse analysis of the image of the “problem patron” or the “homeless library patron” as social constructions of the library profession? When will empirical research produce some hard data about the numbers of homeless individuals and families using public libraries? When will somebody conduct a serious investigation into the perceptions of non-homeless library patrons and library professionals toward homeless patrons? Harvey’s observation that most LIS literature about homeless or “problem” library patrons is based on unsupported conclusions is correct. The literature I reviewed in my paper includes legal analyses, case studies, interpretive discussions and an abundance of opinion, all of which contributes to our broader understanding of the issue at hand. But amid this literature is a noticeable dearth of both empirical research and sophisticated, theoretically informed analysis. Perhaps the library community needs to make connections with scholars working in other fields, to combine existing theoretical frameworks for understanding social, economic and political issues with the domain-specific experience of the library community. In any case, it will be difficult for LIS scholars with a social justice agenda to proceed much further on this issue without valid, authoritative information about the nature of the problem itself.

We start from scratch, and we start again.

Once upon a time I was writing my Master's thesis on the Israeli - Palestinian Peace process, and the external foreign policy that I thought could help keep the boundaries.
(This idea is now a figment of my optimistic, naive youth.)
Every time I sat down to research about the latest development or set back to the peace process, I was overcome with tears.
Gushing, flowing tears.
My optimism eroded and I abandoned the topic for my own mental health.

Today, I have no answers, no vision of what is to come.
A different nation, flowing with troubles and sadness.
All I have are cynical thoughts about a CNN analyst's suggestion that the FBI should investigate the assassination for the good of the world.

All I can muster is that we need a collective sigh, and we all need to stop.
Each and everyone of us.
Terror is a catch phrase that has no meaning, and oppression is curtailing any hope of compromise.

Another political assassination, another wasted chance, another generation of frightened souls trapped in a vortex that is in need of some serious breaks.

That Swedish companies invite people working for them for Christmas smörgåsbord is an old tradition.

However, this company doesn't invite (read pay for) anybody else except the ones who are employed by the company. It's because the company nowadays is owned by Americans. Probably. That's the reason at least I've decided to go for. Americans. They've so many strange things going on there, where some persons think Europe is a country.