My neighborhood grocery store had turkey on sale for 49 cents/pound. So, I happily bought my turkey and even more gleefully took the turkey to a local BBQ place to have it smoked. That was actually yesterday. Today, the nice people at the BBQ place called me at 7:30 this morning to tell me that my turkey was ready whenever I wanted to pick it up. So, after I woke up and got moving around a bit, I ventured outside to go pick up the turkey. I can't tell you how good it smelled in the car. I really wanted to tear into it on the way home, but I restrained myself.

When I got home, I opened the foil to the oooohs and ahhhhs that my daughter and I were both making. She grabbed a leg; I just cut a slice of breast meat. Now, I don't know why I can't seem to remember that I can't eat white meat turkey or chicken anymore. Apparently I have some kind of mental block when it comes to white meat poultry. I chewed and chewed and enjoyed the delicious flavor...then, I swallowed. I should have stopped there because something didn't feel quite right, but being the stubborn person that I am, I took another bite. Big mistake...HUGE mistake actually. I then did an even more stupid thing...well, my thought processes were stupid anyway. I quickly wrapped the turkey back up in the foil; all the while thinking, "See? I'm putting it up. Nope, no more for me. I'm being good. Please don't let me throw up." I don't know who I was really talking to in my mind. Perhaps it was God. You know, that reasoning talk that everyone sometimes does. I thought, "I'm sliding it into the refrigerator now. See, closing the door. Please, please, please don't let me throw up. I'll even leave the kitchen." Needless to say, I didn't make it. The next thing I knew, I was bent over the sink. Without getting too graphic, let's just say that my body rid itself of the turkey.

Now I guess I should probably stick to liquids for the rest of the day just to give my stomach a rest. I also think I'm going to wrap that turkey up and put it in the freezer. *sniff*

Click here to read my story on CNN's iReport!

This statement: "I forgot to eat" is one that I never, never understood before.  Until I had this surgery, it just never happened to me.   Anyone who suffers as I do with eating issues will know just what I am talking about.  I would hear people say this before and think, "ya right, freak! You are starving yourself!"  I just did not understand what it was like to not think about food ALL THE TIME.

So, this surgery, I believe, gave me the gift of a "normal" attitude toward food.  Believe me if I ate when I was hungry, I would have given a run to the record breakers of heaviest weights!  Instead my whole life was about starving.  

Too I am much less of a sceptic towards people who have "normal" attitudes towards food.  It is such a nice feeling to have a body now which does not tell me I am hungry 24/7!  When I read that this happens from the surgery, I thought, it can't be!  I did not believe it!  For me, it is true, I am not hungry all the time, I am not food obsessed and I feel totally satisfied when I eat a half cup to a cup of food!  

Plus, I don't need to be committing one of the seven deadly sins anymore!  Bonus!  Redemption!

The device, which is under the final testing phase by the U.S. Food and Drugs Administration, has induced an average of 29.1 % reduction in weight in human study subjects, that figure is near the 30 % average weight reduction that results with gastric bypass and binding (weight loss surgery techniques currently available) but with far fewer complications.

Nausea has been the only side effect noted so far and EnteroMedics, manufacturers of the device, plan to perfect the technology so that a future device to be released may be passed through the esophagus thus eliminating surgical complications associated with present weight loss surgeries techniques such as gastric bypass and binding.

The final phase of testing with involve 300 people to further evaluate the technology and device's safety and effectiveness.

The doctors and researchers involved in the study have expressed hope that this device would help stem the growing numbers of overweight and obese people in the U.S. “It is safe, effective and reversible.” said Henry Buchwald at the University of Minnesota (involved with the study).

If the technology and device would be deemed safe by the FDA, this might ultimately replace all other weight loss surgery techniques and would be prescribed for people who do not respond well to conventional weight loss techniques.

Source:

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2008/07/10/weight-loss-implant.html

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/weightlosssurgery.html

]]> http://wurdygirl.wordpress.com/?p=92 Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:21:14 +0000 wurdygirl http://wurdygirl.wordpress.com/?p=92 Well, I'm now 6 weeks post op from my Lap Band. I'm down 40 lbs and feeling good. I haven't been weighing this week because I'm a little bit afraid to. I'm eating a little more than I think I should be able to and I'm off my water pills...*gulp*...and it's that time of the month. I just know I've gained or at least haven't lost anything. I'm much, much hungrier than I have been, but I attribute that to the TOM thing. I generally get hungry for crunchy, starchy things around this time. I've been resisting for the most part.

I went to my first support group meeting last night with my buddy from school (work, not uni). She's getting her band on the 25th and I'm soooooo excited for her! We started this journey together and I'm anxious for her to join me on the loser's bench.

I also took a trip to the health food store yesterday. I had to pick up some more natural almond butter. YUM!!! I also picked up a couple of packages of Falafel mix. We had those last night and they were delicious. We ate them in a whole wheat pita and with some greek yogurt.

These lucious, little, balls of chickpeas and spices did much to satisfy my starchy cravings too! The kids loved them and I now have a new dinner idea! Another upside to them, is that it meets my son's dietary requirements/desires as well as my own. Yippeee! Rest assured that these will make their way on our table at least a couple of times a month. The mix is easy and they don't have to be fried. They can be made in the oven or even in the crockpot.

Oh, and my first fill is coming up on the 28th. I'm very excited, a little nervous, and extremely ready for it! I'll let you know how it goes.

No really, they just love each other that much and wanted to do this thing side by side and step by step.

Anyway, we love them lots and know that God's hands are all over this. So buena suerte, Memaw and Papa! We love you! You'll feel better in a few days.

So yesterday I went on a walk/jog thru Piedmont Park which was really nice.  Then I felt like I ate a lot for dinner, so I went to the gym at around 9PM on a Saturday night before I met up with Stephen in East Atlanta.  I was proud of myself for channeling my boredom and stress into exercise.  It's hard when you *really don't feel like working out.  But, I told myself how much better I'd feel afterwards, and that I can't control other people or situations, I can only control my actions.  

I counted my calories for the day and had a rough estimate that I had already eaten my day's worth of calories in breakfast and lunch.  I went to brunch at the Flying Biscuit this morning with Edward and Simon.  I had an egg-white omelet and some chicken sausage.  I really wanted some orange juice but passed (too much sugar, although I will admit I had some later on in my day).  I guesstimated the calories for my Flying Biscuit brunch.  Then for a late lunch I snacked more than anything which wasn't very healthy of me.  I kind of grazed a few of a lot of different things with no real intention.  Tonight Sean and I went to Noodle and I was so tempted to order something.  Of course I would order something healthy, like the chicken wraps, but still...

I never realized how hard it was to sit in a restaurant and not order food (plus, it helped to think about how I didn't need to spend the extra money).  Since I was kinda restless today, I knew food would make me happy.  All I kept thinking about was the food at Noodle, which mind you, isn't like covered in gold or anything.  So Sean ordered a Miso Noodle bowl.  I did have a few of his vegetables.  I made the waiter take my menu so I wouldn't keep browsing it.  I was really proud of myself for not ordering food if I wasn't hungry.  I didn't want to be a sympathy eater.  

Last night at around 1AM Stephen and I went to the Midway in East Atlanta.  He was really hungry, I wasn't all that hungry, but I was kind of wanting to still eat.  I really wanted to order a burger or their veggie corn dog!  But, I got a chicken salad with balsamic vinaigrette.  I ate a few bites and then said to myself, "SELF!  I'm not all that hungry right now, and it's late, these calories won't burn off."  So I got my salad to go.  

Again, I don't think people who love food like I do know how difficult these moments are.  It IS like saying no to a cigarette, a drink or a gambling weekend if you know that in excess, it's not good for you.  It is hard.  Lately I've been feeling like these moments have been coming up a lot and it's been tough.  There is still a loss, I feel, with not eating certain comfort food at 1AM (usually cheesy and bready) like I used to.  

But food, when it's experienced right, is still so amazing!  It's hard being a social being b/c food is all around you.  But I am proud of myself.  I think when I am busy again my life will feel like more of a groove.  I also don't want to turn to food to deal with the stress and uncertainty of folks or situations.  I just want to feel how I am feeling and know that it'll be okay.  And so far...it's been alright :-)  

Thanks for listening.  I'm about half-way to my ultimate goal!!!

P.S. - TLC's how I Eat 30,000 calories A Day is on in the background.  Irony is bliss.

I snapped some pictures for my Blog.  I will say that the food was excellent.  Kind of a gourmet Southern style with a modern flare.  Unfortunately, RB wasn't there that night (he was in NYC for the Today Show...who does he think he is to not have been there on my Birthday?!), but the waiter promised me that next time I came in he would make sure I met RB and have him give me a tour of the kitchen!  This would be a total dream come true, since cooking has become one of my biggest passions next to Photography (and I've already met Annie Leibovitz...what more is there?!)  

I probably ate the most bad-for-me food here since I got my surgery.  I splurged a little bit, but couldn't finish everything so I didn't feel too guilty.  The menu had a lot of fish dishes on it, so next time I go I will surely get a fish.  But this time, I opted for some Southern goodies:

A watermelon Mojito!  Refreshing and anti-oxidants 

Biscuits are brought to the table.  I had a little bit and gave the rest to my dad.  Biscuits are my FAVORITE bread-item-food, so it was hard to say goodbye, but I didn't want to fill up on it.  It was damn good though.  It came with some honey butter and pimento spread.

The Arugla salad with goat cheese and grapefruit...yum!

My dad got these Fried Green Tomatoes for the table.  I had one of them.  I've never had FGT like this before.  They were amazing.  

It looks really yellow in the picture, but it was prettier in person :-)  I got fried chicken with honey vinegar and it came with fresh veggies a la carte and cauliflower mac n' cheese.  I could only eat about half of my plate.  I've never been a huge Fried Chicken fan, I have probably only ordered it once in my life and that was at KFC!  This was by far the best Fried Chicken I've ever had.  Apparently they soak it in Vodka and flash fry it and then get it back to room temperature and then cook it again.  It was so, so good.  The mac n' cheese was awesome.  

And for dessert they brought me out some Red Velvet cake :-)  I shared it with the table.  The ice cream was really awesome - I think it was like sour cream ice cream or something, which sounds awful but it was really rich and creamy.  If you watched Top Chef, you wouldn't be surprised by Richard Blais serving sour cream ice cream!  My mom got their famous home-made moon pie which I had a bite of and it rocked.  

All in all, Home was a terrific restaurant.  I can't wait to go back.

I tweaked the recipe to use things had in the house and according to taste. Here's the recipe:

2 cups chilled, cooked chicken breast, chopped

2 cups chilled cantaloupe, chopped

3-4 T fresh mint leaves

Dressing:

3 T orange juice

1 T canola oil

2 T basalmic vinegar (I used Maple Grove FF basamic vinegar dressing)

2 tsp lime

1 tsp salt

1 tsp onion powder

1/4 tsp curry powder

3-4 dashes of Lousiana hot sauce or equivalent

Place chicken and cantaloupe into a bowl. Mix dressing and pour over salad. Mix gently & serve.

As far as my journey with the band, I'm now a little over 5 weeks out. I'm down 39 lbs and feeling very good. I am suffering from some dry skin that is perhaps due to my diet or maybe the recovery from surgery. I go in for my first fill on July 28th and am very excited about it...and a little nervous too. I'm so very glad that I had the surgery and feel better than I have in years. I wish that I would have gotten it done much sooner.

There were several attending the seminar, whom I feel would be candidates for surgery given size alone.  Unfortunately, I group myself into this category.  On one hand I wonder if I could still lose weight, but with my weight as high as it has ever been, I realize that I seriously do need the help of gastric banding.  I have attempted tons of weight loss programs in the past, only to stop losing and get frustrated and eventually put the weight back on plus more.  It's a vicious cycle that I am hoping to end.

After 1.5 hours of the seminar plus another hour of people asking questions, we were free to leave.  Now I know I've always been told that there is no such thing as a stupid question, but c'mon.  Give me a freaking break, I heard a ton of them tonight.  I judge the questions, not because I already knew the answers, but instead on the apparent inability of the asker to think before they asked.  But I digress.

I know that this is a life changing surgery to which I may never fully get to enjoy food again.  Sure I will be able to eat, probably most anything so long as it agrees with my band, but never in the quantities that I am accustomed to.  Food is my solace, my forever friend in times of grief or turmoil, happiness or celebration, boredom or just because.  I love food.  I love to cook.  I love to eat.  Period.  I realize though, that I need to have this surgery whatever the outcome.

I was looking at a chart last night that showed the percentage of people post operatively that were "cured" of various side effects.  Let's just lay out a few of mine:

1. Hypertension - 70% - 93%
2. PCOS - 80% - 97%
3. Arthritis - 55% - 84%
4. Irregular Menstruation - 100%
5. Infertility - 76% - 82%

How can I see those numbers and think twice about having the surgery?  Simple, I can't.  I have made this decision to pursue this path and hopefully inspire someone else along the road to do something about their situation.  I don't see how my weight could more negatively affect my life than it does right now, so here's hoping that I've got nowhere else to go except up from this rock bottom where I feel I am.

Scale was down to 221 this morning which is huge for me, I've blown the 50 pound  mark out of the water.  I started this journey at 273 pounds so that's a grand total of 52 pounds.  I was retaining a lot of water due to TOM and it should be gone now.  I can't wait to hit the 21-'s!! 

I think my fiance is getting a little nervous about me weighing less than him.  He has always been smaller.  I'm catching up with him.  When we first started dating I weighed about what I weigh now, but he weighed about 165 (he's 5'11").  Needless to say 5 years with me has helped him "pudge" up a little.  He now weighs about 190 pounds.  I can wear his clothes now hehehe.  Not that I want to wear guys clothes, but you know sometimes when I'm lazing around...

We've set a date.  Sept 4 Key West.  I've purchased airline tickets for his sister and her husband. My mom  and stepdad are flying down also.  Its going to be small on the beach.  Its funny, Chris already has everything he needs to get married, he's had his band for over a year now, we picked it up in a antique shop.  We bought his wedding shirt while on vacation in St Martin.  Its just a simple linen tunic with embroidery and I just found his pants at Marshalls for 20 bucks. 

I on the other hand have nothing...No dress, no ring!  My ring is being made and is supposed to be done by the end of this month, but as far as my dress goes I'm still struggling.  I don't want a "traditional" gown by any means.  I would just be happy with a simple ivory/white dress.  I'm not too crazy about my arms so I don't really want to go with the ones the just cover the tops of your boobs.  I could probably put up with a halter style.

I went into David's Bridal Tuesday night, I had gone over to my band office for a support meeting and they are right next door.  I should have known not to go in there by myself, but this is another lesson I have learned.  I just have to say, was sadistic bastard decided that a size 14 woman needs a size 18 or 16W wedding dress.  If anything wedding dresses should run the other way so that you can find joy in the size of it.  I know altered realities, lies, I don't give a shit, lie to me just this once.  Can't I be a 10 on my special day?  Ok, Ok, I'll stop whining...

So anyways, didn't find anything at all at David's Bridal, there are a couple more shops around here that I can look at, but who knows

Almost forgot.  Going to Nashville tomorrow, going to go see Alison Krauss and Robert Plant in concert.  I actually saw them in Knoxville a few months ago.  I liked it so much I'm going again.  Its a really good concert.  I've been a Led Zep fan since I got out of my training bras...At the last concert they did covers of 1.Black Dog 2. Battle of Evermore 3.  When the Levee Breaks 4. Hey, Hey What Can I Do?.  I wasn't too crazy about their rendition of Black Dog, it was Scat Style, kinda weird for me...

I leave from Nashville on Sunday and drive to Charlotte, NC for the National Women In Nuclear (WIN) conference.  Pretty excited about going to that.  Trying to meet and greet.  The nuclear industry is a pretty small world for women.  There aren't many of us around.

So I won't be updating the blog or my daily weights until July 24...

Let me start off by saying that I had an exceptionally good time online today. It's not often that I get really excited about a website, but I was so glad to find these two!

The first website that I am super ecstatic about is www.marriedtoindia.com . This website is easy to navigate and is full of a lot of friendly people. I spent a lot of time browsing through the message boards. I'm so glad this website is around and wish that I would have found it earlier. It's sometimes very hard to find others that can relate to my particular situation. Imagine my pleasant surprise to find another divorced mom with kids who married an Indian man. Some people I can relate and talk to about Indian weddings, mixed children, and interfaith! I'm so excited!!!!!

The other website I'm excited about is www.crockpot365.blogspot.com. This website features a mom who decided to use her crockpot every day for a year. She also cooks gluten-free and has some very Lap Band friendly recipes. I love my crockpot, especially in this Texas heat! I'm always on the lookout for new recipes that I can have now that I'm banded AND that I can feed my son, the vegetarian. I used one of her recipes for Crockpot Tamale Pie tonight. Dinner was EASY and pleased everybody! I didn't follow the directions exactly, but I did get the idea from her website. She has a fabulous website and I encourage you check it out.

Tamale Pie

2 cans Ranch Style black beans

1 can corn

1 c salsa

1/2 c cheddar cheese

garlic, chili powder, cumin to taste

Crust:

Jiffy Cornbread Mix

1 egg

1/3 c skim milk

1. Dump black beans, corn, salsa, cheese, and seasonings into crockpot.

2. Mix Jiffy cornbread mix according to directions and slowly pour over bean mixture. Will look something like this:

3. Turn crockpot on low. Cover crockpot (no peeking) and cook for about 4 hrs. Spoon and serve when ready.

I JUST went to the trash chute and threw them down the chute!  Haha. I'll admit I had a few cashews on my way walking to the trash chute.  Am I some sort of tropical monkey?  It's like I can't separate from my nuts and banana chips!  

A part of me feels bummed that I let them get control over me like that.  I knew while I was eating them that I was...eating them!  I'm really stressed right now waiting to hear back to see if I got this job that I am so excited about.  And I have a few other things on my mind, so I think I let manifest itself through the nuts.  Plus, I just really, really like them!  

I made a good dinner for myself;  beef with corn and water chestnuts with some leftover eggplant.  I went to the gym today and did a little cardio but mostly lifted weights.  I just figured the calories weren't worth it.  Even though I feel pretty guilty about the calories I did acquire from the nuts and banana chips.

Well, they're in the trash now!  Tomorrow is a new day.

The bad thing is I don't think I REALLY needed to take but 1 of them.  I'm just in a funk, I just wanted to escape for a while.  I could have went to work today, but I didn't, thats not like me at all...

I hope I've not slipped into a depression again.  I have in the past.  Maybe everything's just so screwed up in my head right now, with all the migraine meds, the hormones, yaddayaddayadda.  I hope, I really don't want to take depression meds.  Everytime I have taken them the side effects have far outweighed my symptoms.

Why now?  I should be happy, I just hit my 50 pound mark, I've set a date for my wedding...I just don't get it, why do I have to be so fucked up?

I was budgeting $600/ month for groceries for myself before my lap band surgery so this means that I save around $400/month on food! This also means, that in 40 months, the operation will have paid for itself since I paid $16K for my lap band.  What I am saying is that the cost of the lap-banding operation seems initially high but still there is a lot of long term payoffs which I got that I had not anticipated!  Pretty cool eh?

I believe anyone who wants to lose weight has to be honest, first with themselves, and second with the people supporting them. Admitting our fears and facing them head on has to be one of the first steps we take in the weight loss journey. In my case I am afraid I am placing too much hope on the results of this sleep apnea test.

I confess that I am looking for a magic bullet. Where others look to a gastric bypass surgery, a lap band, or a prescription drug such as Sibutramine or Orlistat to help them lose the weight I am looking to sleep as mine.

Right now my expectations are that this study is going to enable me to find the strength and energy that I will need to exercise on a daily basis. Several people who have sleep apnea have told how incredibly different they feel, how alive and energetic they are when they wake up in the morning having received treatment for this common problem.

However, lately I have been asking myself what I am going to do if I do not have sleep apnea? What am I going to do if I do have it, but the treatment does not work for me? I admit that my fears may be unfounded. I may have sleep apnea, and the treatment might work. The fact is, until I take the test I will have little choice but to wait and wonder.

Golden Delicious she is not.  The woman is a pioneer on Food Network.  I get that.  But people always give her the benefit of the doubt, "But did you know she used to be agoraphobic and never left her house?"  Really?  I don't care.  She scares me!  

The episode we watched was all about CHEESE.  And I do *LOVE* cheese, myself.  But it's frightening what she cooks.  How does she still have a pulse?  Has she not had a cardiac arrest?  Are her arteries not clogged with fat and resentment?  

The best was the "Fried White Chocolate Cheesecake" she made.  As if cheesecake (which is my FAVORITE dessert) isn't fattening enough, why make it white chocolate?  AND WHY FRY IT?  How are you still alive, woman?  It was funny to watch because the audience was in glutton shock.  Every time you thought she was done with the damn thing, she'd continue in her southern drawl by going, "And that's not all!"  ... "Now we're gonna drizzle it with chocolate...and that's not all ... now we're gonna wrap it in a crepe ... and that's not ALL, y'all ... now we're gonna fry it.  And that's not all ... now we're gonna top it off with real whipping cream ... and that's not all ... now we're gonna drizzle it with chocolate and powdered sugar ... don't forget the fresh mint on top!..."  

Katie and I were in such horrific shock we were screaming at the television set as if Paula could here us, "Please Paula!  Make it stop!"  We added up all the calories on Katie's calorie counter on her computer and I think it came to about 2500 calories for just the cheesecake.  I'm supposed to have 1200 calories a day on my Lap band.  Most women are supposed to have 1700-2000 calories a day for a healthy metabolism.  WTF Paula!  One piece of your cheesecake is over double what I'm supposed to have in a day.  You are evil and I think your teeth are too sharp and pointed for you to be a human being with a heart (that's not clogged).  

I'm telling you that this charade of "And that's not all's..." went on for what seemed like my entire 26th year of life.  I could feel my heart clogging just watching this.  Her overly bleached teeth and blue hair and that scary smile revel with delight that she is an evil monster that hides beneath fat people's beds at night.  She is Paula Deen, dammit.  And this is her party.

Weight-loss surgery is a HUGE decision and each surgery offers its own personal set of benefits and draw backs.  These are what I perceived as the benefits to the Lap-band over all other WL surgery:

1. Total reversibility - so if a magic pill comes along in 10 years through research then great!  I can still use it and my body has not lost little pieces of itself.

2. Lowest death rate

3. Lowest complication rate

4. Lap-bands are tools which teach you to eat (this was the most important to me)

5. Weight-loss is slower, healthier and this gives your skin the opportunity to came back with your body, maintain your health and adapt slowly to your new body and lifestyle (also a drawback)

6. No dumping syndrome (common with all other WL surgery)

7. Body still absorbs all the food nutrients

8. Lap-bands control the amount of food you can eat, so when you eat in public, it is appropriate portions and you feel satisfied!  

9. You do not waste food by over eating so your grocery bills are significantly less (about 1/3 in my case)

10.  The lap band is totally adjustable, so even if you do not lose the weight in the expected amount of time, the band DOES NOT stretch.  This means that it keeps working for the life of the client, so you continue to progressively lose weight for as long as you need to.

11. Recovery time is significantly less

All this said and still I do recognize some drawbacks too, these are:

1.  Slow weight loss - which means you have to be very patient which is not easy for anyone who wants to finally be thin (also a benefit)

2. Food can stick so you have to eat very slow and in very small portions

3. When food sticks it is not comfortable to regurgitate or to have esophagus contractions

4. The idea (and it worked for me) that you can STOP OBSESSING about food 24/7!

5. Fills can be quite uncomfortable (read painful) some doctors use local anesthetic, which I would ask about if you can use the stuff!

So, there you have my reasons.  Many people in Canada and the US are having other methods of WL surgery since the lap-band is just a tool for WL and therefore the insurance will not cover it's installation and it being maintained.  I was a self pay client, so basically, I could do whatever I wanted to do.  So far I do not regret getting the band.  The difficult things for me have been:

1. The pre-surgery diet

2. The period while my stomach was healing and I could not get filled (waiting is always very tough for me)

3. Fills hurt and my doctor does not use anesthetic and even if he did I am allergic

Growing up, swimming was one of my favorite things to do...that is, until I got to be a teenager and worried about what people would say about me in a bathing suit. It's a shame that I let that get in the way of my joy. These days, after 3 children, I don't care so much anymore.

I rediscovered swimming a couple of years ago. A messy custody battle, stress at work, a lot of pent up anger all combined to make a very unhappy Carrie. This is also the time I got put on blood pressure medications as well. I decided at that point that I would try to relax a little bit. So, I went back to swimming. I can still remember sneaking out to the pool in the early morning in hopes that no one else would be there. I remember being absolutely mortified when someone would show up and I was ready to get out of the pool. Talk about the walk of shame! Eventually, I got to the point where I would swim laps and then I'd be so exhausted that I'd sit down on one of the lounge chairs just to rest for a moment before heading back to the house. The sun would feel so good and relaxing, I began to forget everyone was around and started to lay out a little bit. By the end of the summer, I was dropping weight like you wouldn't believe, felt more relaxed, and certainly didn't give a damn what anyone thought of me. In fact, I became such a regular at the pool, I found many people to talk to.

Then fall came...and the weight came back because I wasn't exercising or eating correctly. When the next summer rolled around, I just wasn't ready to go back through all of the shame and embarrassment that putting on a swimsuit entailed. More pounds added on...

Today, I'm feeling better after my Lap Band surgery. I'm down 35 lbs and putting myself first again. I recently started swimming again. I still don't like the way I look in the bathing suit, but it is what it is...and I'm changing. I know I won't always look like this; so, why not do some physical activity that I enjoy?

I find the water soothing. When I slip into the pool, I can literally feel my tension leaving my body. There's also the rush of pleasure when I think that I can't push my burning muscles and lungs anymore while swimming laps and then discover that I can go just a little bit further. The quiet solitude of swimming underwater and the massaging ripples against me. There's no better exercise for me.