I left the 3 men (ohh ok 1 man + 2 boys) at home yesterday and went for a shopping spree in the evening.  Within a span of 3 hours, I brought home the following loot :

I am effecient ain't I??  (ohhh the left most corner 2 pieces was bought on Friday)

Prior to yesterday, I already bought a black long sleeve blouse (from Reds) and another 2 tops + 1 dress online. PLUS a Titus watch.  (all of which are not in the pic)

I took the trouble to add up all my receipts this morning and my heart got stuck in my throat. *gulp*  Not really an unacceptable amount since 50% of that amount is attributed to the watch.  My 1st ever proper watch, putting aside my baby G lah.  Still... it is a sizeable amount to me....  I gotta console myself that it's just once a year that such a mad spree will happen. (or maybe twice - during CNY period too :p)  Then again, looking at all the kills does give me a sense of satisfaction.. hehehheee

I think I most likely won't stop here, I'll probably add on more items to my GSS kills.  Hey I plan to buy a pair of brown shoes for work but then I stumbled on this black pair and it was really so comfy and they don't have it in brown.  So even though I already bought a pair of shoe I will still need a brown pair :x See? I am able to justify my purchases!

To actually know about what we are doing has never been something that we appreciate more. For a simple example is, living a life. To actually know about what your life is going to be, the plans for the next one day, one week, one month, one year or even one decades has always been a relieving thing. But somehow, less people appreciate or even feeling grateful for that. We even always wanting more and more, change in some things sometime even everything. So much for taking everything for granted, isnt it?

But life is usually unpredictable, one time your at the up side while the other time your at the down side and started to feel annoyed regretting everything that you have had before. I guess thats just how life works, and anything you do please make sure that you are prepare for everything.

Anyhow, living something uncertain and unknown is totally the biggest fear of all. We'll never know what happen next. Like the phrase, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you'll never know what flavor you got next". That is possibly the most true life-phrasing-thing about life itself. The unknown of what might happen, the darkness from the road ahead and obviously the limited eye sight of the road ahead, all of it are truly scary and totally intimidating.

For me, blind sighted is not a pleasant thing to feel. Hope never ever feel it, but unfortunately im in the middle of it right now. Starting to catch a glimpse of light but i can only hope that im walking on the right path. Fear of the unknown has kept me in my shell for the last several months. But somehow, this last few days has made me a better person. Somehow, i wanted to let go of my shell and start to live my life again. Fear of the unknown, is something that i have to defeat. Or at least, let me die trying to defeat it :)

As I was tidying my photos, I browse through all the pics that I've collected during my stint at AH.  They brought back a whole load of fond memories (this is bcos I did not keep photos of those people who give me nightmare!).  As I browse along, I felt a little sad... The team was so complete, so energetic and so fun then.....  It's never the same after one by one, the core folks left.....

I thought I'll be the last to leave... to close shop for the team, to draw the curtains, off the lights and shut the padlock...  Fortunately (or unfortunately), it turned out I am not the last... I/We (as i know nemo may feel the same as well), we left behind JH.... sigh...

The below pics are dedicated to all "alumni members"!!  I do miss working with all of you! I am secretly hoping 1 day, we'll be reunited in another instituition and pow wow together again!  The energy of the complete team is really unbelieveable!  Nothing is too tough! Nothing is impossible! Nothing cannot be acheive!  Till we meet again!  3 cheers to AH Unofficial Alumni Members!  You know who you are ;)

If you guys do drop by and read this post, leave me a note to let me know you are here..

Starting from something that i always wanted up to something that come unexpected. Starting from something that exist physically up to something that i can only feel. Starting from every single thing.

Is this what they call human nature? Something that we already had even before we are born, something that we had either we realized it or not. Something that defines us for becoming a human being? Well let me tell you, human nature sucks.

Most of our human nature are humans basic nature or attitude. Ungrateful, lazy, grumpy and so many other things. Thats what i like to call, humans twin evil. A devilish side of every single human in this world. But having the power to control our passion and mind makes human being the master of their own. Thats why you can see many different types of human, including their personality.

The person who can beat their own human nature, rules the world. Isnt it?

For my case, still a long long way to go before i can really beat my human nature. But by the time goes on, i learn to make peace with myself. Embracing my human nature and slowly but sure trying to alter it into something beneficial.

What am i without my human nature :P

Couple of weeks ago, i've decided to find a housing (kost) near where i work now. I spent a half day trying to find a suitable and decent place to live in. Several times, my mom asked me whether its really a final decision or am i still going to change my mind. But i guess my mind has made up and i decided to try living in a housing once again.

My main reason for searching a place to live was because it was always too late for me when i arrive home. I dont have any strength left to do anything once im home and all i can do was go straight to bed. Another reason was the lack of public transportation that only runs until 8 pm every night. So what did happen to me if i have to stay late in the office? Or if i need to hang out with my gals or guys after office hour? I need to take a taxi to go home and trust me it ain't cheap. Not to mention that i think i need to loss some of my weight which means only one thing, fitness.
So here i am, already find a place to live and feeling quite satisfied with it *eventhough the place is very very hot, because i rent the one without aircon*. When i just stayed there for one night, i received an email saying that PT. KAI (Indonesia's public train company) is going to add another schedule for midnight train. What? Are you saying that starting on next June, there will be a train goin to my home and the latest is going to be at midnight? So, why should i live somewhere else? Since using train is absolutely much cheaper and faster and i wont need to worry if i went home late, so whats the point. Uuurrgghh ,,, another wrong decision ...

Anyhow ... i hope they (PT.KAI) really mean it about the late night train.

I just love the idea of me sitting down all alone in a nice and quiet place just with my pen and book *which according to this more sophisticated era, laptop* and wrote down anything i want in any form i desire. Such a life ..

But unfortunately, whatever i had in mind im not really good on spilling it into words. Maybe thats why most of my post are not for human consume. Anyhow, please dont ever regret if you read this blog. I still dont know why i made this blog. Maybe lately i just have lots in mind, and hopefully i can spill it here. Have a nice reading ...

I guess I should start out with a short introduction of myself.

I was born in Japan, grew up in the United States for most of my life.

I'm a mom, a wife, an artist, a cook. I love the idea of reducing my carbon footprint in this world, so I try very hard to have our family be as green as possible.

I cook with mostly Organic ingredients, because I believe that it is healthier for my family and I also think it tastes better. But there are a lot of obstacles, being green. One of the biggest hurdle for me is the amount of green (money) you have to dish out to buy things that are supposedly GREEN. Organic food is a bit more pricey, so I mainly concentrate on getting all dairy, meats, and eggs organic, but the rest I try.

My daughter is almost 3 and it's awesome to be able to stay home and raise her to speak Japanese. English is my first language, but I do speak Japanese fluently as well. My husband is American and his Japanese is not as good as my daughters. It is very important to me that she grows up bilingual. I really would like her to know her heritage, language and all.

Being an artist, taking care of a baby-toddler, took away one of the most important thing in my life, which is being creative. We decided for me to stay home because I wasn't comfortable in leaving my child with a stranger, after interviewing an at home day care that the owners husband was arrested for child molestation charges the year before. I'm sure there are plenty of good day cares out there, but if the first one you interview is the one I did, you would do the same.
Anyway, being crafty with a little one is not easy... Actually it can't happen. So I started cooking and baking A LOT. This turned into my creative outlet, plus we are a single income family, so we have to cook at home every night. $100 feeds the 3 of us for a week( lunch & dinner). I will have a lot of these recipe's and menus on the site to inspire people to eat at home.
Now that my daughter is a little bit bigger, she gives me time to relax now that I've just started to sew a bit again. Which is so exciting!

I had really bad postpartum depression, that I finally just started to come out of at the end of last year. I did not take any medication, and I feel that I have truly kicked this depression at the core. My husband is the greatest. I can't even express in words how grateful I am for how supportive he is through all of this. I'm so lucky.

So, this is who I am in a nutshell. Through this blog I will be sharing things and thoughts that I find that help my life be happier.

Enjoy! ようこそ(welcome)

Neal

PS: Everyone else out there, you should be reading http://bethian.wordpress.com/ and trying to get her busily BLOGing!

I used to add about half a dozen sets of new clothes to my wardrobe during CNY period.  This year, I only managed to hunt down 3 sets.....  and my shopping trips are dotted with heartaches... why?  Because I can no longer fit into my usual size!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Certain pants I have to wear "L" size!!  I can't believe it!!  I refuse to buy any pants which the cutting dictates that I have to wear "L"!  Hmph!  how disheartening!   Gone are the days when I have to lament :" aiyoh... so difficult to buy pants for myself cos most brand don't carry "XS"...."  now it has became ;" aiyoh... so difficult to buy pants cos no size fits me.... unless i want to take "L" which I wilfully refuse........."

My tops are not better.... I've to upgrade to "M".  For the first few trips I shamelessly tried to squeeze in "S" size but each time I end up looking like an oversize dumpling......  So now, I will automatically ask for size "M" for my tops.

There was this trip that I took a pair of jeans , size 26 and wanted to try.  The auntie tending the shop was "kind" enough to inform me :" Xiao Jie, you sure you can fit size 26?  I think you should be a size 27."  arghhhhhhhh  I insisted on trying the size 26 and true enough.... I can't pull it up... :( 

The little bulge at my stomach has not subided yet and I wonder will it ever be gone or is it here to stay....  I don't remember having such a bad buldge during my 1st pregnancy......  I already "informed" Kiat that if the bulge don't go, then I'll go for Marie France and he'll have to pay for the "investment" !

Bulge bulge go away!!!!

To make things worse, I've not been feeling too good since Saturday.  I was given 2 days MC today.  My gastric and tummy are giving me problem.  I will experience pain shortly after I take my meals... this has been going on for the past 4 days.  The pain, though bearable can be quite irritating and disruptive.   Let's hope it is nothing major and it'll just go away.

Will update soon on both my boys and my baking attempts!

My confinement will end in 3 days time.  Yahooooooo!!!!!!  I'm still stuck with extra 9kg..... I am at 52kg now... my pre-pregnancy weight is 43kg.... I hope to shed 7kg to become 45kg..... I'll be returning to work by the end of Jan 2008... Looking at my hippo hips and waist line now, I doubt I will be able to acheive that by then....   Die loh..... no clothes to wear when I go back to work....  All my pant suits can be framed up for display liao.... I probably will still have to depend on my maternity pants... how tragic that is..........

Also in 2 days time, my confinement lady will be leaving.... *sob sob*.... will miss her.... she has been a great help....  all through the weeks, she never give me any trouble at all.  I am really really happy to have her....  Without her, I'll have to bath the baby and cook my own meals and also there will be no one to take over the baby from me so that I can have a good snooze.....  wonder whether I can cope...... 

Nothing much I can do about it, except enjoy the last 2 days of her presence.  If anyone of you have miracle ways to reduce hip and waist measurement fast do let me know!!! 

Even today at the driving centre, I invited quite a lot of curious stares......  phew... finally it's over!  Now just need to wait for the arrival of our car which will probably arrive early next year and enjoy the convenience (as well as curse and swear at the extra cost incurred).

Dec is very much into singing and especially love to sing birthday song in company of candle light plus a cake.  Below is a video of him singing both the english and mandarin birthday song for me plusSSSSSSSSSSS how he stole my show!  What do I mean when I say he stole my show??  Watch the video and you will know.

Apologies for the dark clip, the dad was trying to create the atmosphere by keeping the lights off.

Last week (I think ) was JP Morgan race.  As usual, we provided the medical coverage.  I didn't run (of course), I hate running!  Quite a number of my colleagues joined the race and I came back with one of the race T-shirt which a colleague didnt' want.  She ran so often that she's got stacks of such race T-shirts at home.

I brought it home and it has since become one of Dec's favorite garment.

He keeps saying : "I want to wear the big big shirt" After which he'll boogey around in his big big shirt

Oh yah I've got 2 good news to share too!  The first good news is Declan has gone diaper free for the past 1 week!!  On Monday night, he decided he didn't want to wear diaper at night anymore.  He refused to let us put it on for him.  He kept saying that he wanted to go "she she" in the toilet.  We were quite worried actually, as the pass few attempts to train him to go diaperless when he slept had failed.  I dread being "flooded" in the middle of the night.  But since he insisted, I guessed we should encourage him. 

I started off placing a rubber mat below him and made sure that he peed before he slept.  I've got a bad habit of waking up a few times at night to visit the loo.  Thus when I finished my own little business, I'll wake him and asked if he wanted to pee.  He'll usually say yes and either me or the dad would bring him to the toilet.  This continued for the past 1 week without any accidents!  Phew.......................  So we shall continue to let him go diaperless at night with a rubber mat at the butt.  The only thing I dread now is, if there is one night I don't wake up, will he flood us?  I hope not. *keeping my fingers cross*

The 2nd good news - I finally PASSED my final theory test!!!!!!!! yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

Wanted to do a more detailed sharing of my recent Japan trip but am really feeling very very lazy and the constant tiredness really took my motivation away.  Nevertheless, I manage to pull some strength together to post some photos.

Many of my fellow team mates wished to dine the "tatami" style, thus our host granted us our wishes and brought us for "tatami" style dining.  CEO complained:" Some how I just can't keep my leg crossed and I feel really uncomfortable sitting this way."  Ha!  I was totally comfortable with that sitting position except I was unable to sit in a kneeling position like what the Japanese ladies usually did, so I did it the men style - crossed my legs.

Cute and huge teddy bear which I spotted in Nagoya.  So cuddly!  A perfect huggie partner for cold weather!

We didn't have much time for sightseeing.  The only place of interest that we managed to go is Kaiyukan - one of the largest aquarium in the world, focusing on the Ring of Fire and Ring of Life.  If anyone of you ever go to Osaka and you happen to like marine life Kaiyukan is a must go!  Why?  Because it is one of the 2 aquariums that housed a whale shark! I was really awed!

This is the best picture that I could capture for the whale shark, pardon the poor quality, it's due to the poor lightings.

Before I went to the aquarium, I already tasked myself to take loads of pictures back for Declan to view.  He loved marine life.  It's a pity that he was not there with me, if not I'm very sure we would be able to spend a very enjoyable day together.  In order to capture the clown fish and Dory look-alike fish, I ended up hogging in front of the tank for a long long while waiting for these 2 species to surface.  I did manage to snap the pic, but resolution not so good.... sigh...  But at least I managed to get other nice photos for him to enjoy which included :

The cheeky rays. 

The whole troop of spider crabs.  They look really magnificent.  Just standing there posting with their legs widely spread out as if waiting for a commander to give the signal to start a war.  We also spotted a school of weirdo fishes.  Not sure of the species though.  What intrigued us was that this school of fish were all looking skywards, not moving, just keep staring upwards, as if waiting for salvation to happen.  Freaky!!  Further down the tank, spotted another similar school of fish, this time, all of them was looking downwards.........  weird!

These are my favorite!!!  Not the whale shark, not the spider crabs, not the sun fish, not clown fish BUT Jelly fishes!!!!!  Aren't they soooooo pretty!!!!!!  This tank was simply beautiful and it looks so retro with rounded blue, white and black jelly fishes bobbing everywhere!!  This is only one of the jelly fish tanks that were showcased, there were many more other species but these are my favorites!  Because I was so mesmerized by them, I ended up being the last to emerge from the aquarium visit.  The whole group of folks was waiting for me.

Now the above is a rare sight! We spotted a pair of bride and groom outside the aquarium.  According to our host, nowadays, very few couples will choose to wear the traditional Japanese wedding gown.  Many of the young couples were westernized and would prefer to go for the western bridal gown.  So, this is bonus for us.

Just right beside the aquarium, is one of the tallest ferris wheel. 

This wheel stood at a height of 112.5 meters.  That photo of me was the masterpiece of my CEO.  He enthusiastically offered to take this photo for me.  He took really long to capture this pic.  He was going forward and backwards, squatting down, standing up etc.  I was wondering why he took so long to snap the pic.  After he was done, he proudly announced :" I was trying to make you look like 'Guan Yin' aka the Goddess of Mercy" ..........................................

Included in our Nagoyo itinery was a trip to "Toyota City" where the toyota plant is.  My organization is a big fan of "The Toyota Production System" thus, that explained the reason why a visit to its production plant was part of our study trip.  Don't think you guys would be very keen to know what went on in the plant right?  So, I'll just share with you pics on the "Sakura Rain" that showered on me there.  What's "Sakura Rain"?  Just look at the pics below!

Nice hor?!  Pink Sakura petals flying everywhere!  I felt as if I was taking my wedding photo leh!  BUT! It's fake.  The "sakura rain" came from the hands of our team mates.  The below photo will solve the mystery of the "Sakura Rain"

These folks actually scooped the sakura petals from the road and threw them towards us to create the "sakura rain" effect.  The guy whose face got covered was actually our CEO.  Couldn't imagine a man of his age and status could still be so playful and game to indulge in such silly actions with us huh?

Last but not least, would like to share the photos of the shop fronts and signages in Osaka.  They are really so vibrant and they really add alot of life to the shopping district!

THE END

Guess what I ate today??!!  I ate a full MacChicken Meal , UPSIZE + a box of MacWings!

God help meeeeeeeeeee!!  I've already put on weight on my face.  If this goes on how how how????  The last time it was a total of 19.5kg that I put on, this time will it go pass the 20kg mark???!!! I really, sincerely hope it will not......

Also, if I am to push myself to clear as many lessons as possible so that I can get my license very quickly (hopefully), that will also equates to additional burden on my pockets in addition to the money we have to put aside for receiving our new addition

I need opinions!!!   

This will be a "dry" period for my blog as I will be going away next Monday for 1 week.  Before I depart, I'll share something with all of you (hopefully).