In my travels through the blogisphere I see that writer J.A. Konrath has put a book together about the publishing biz. On his blog about publishing, from whence the material in the book originated, Konrath says it's "An all-inclusive writing book over four years in the making, filled with more than 750 pages of tips, tricks, and advice... That's more than 250k words worth of material, organized, indexed, and bookmarked for your reading convenience." The Newbie's Guide to Publishing Book is available in pdf format for free. Go to his website to download. I already did.

Oh, JA Konrath, I hate you, you fucking motherfucker.  And I mean that with all the love in my black brittle heart.

For those of you not in the know (and seriously, I've been pimping this shit so hard, I've got blisters on my bitchslap hand), Jack Daniels is steadily blazing past all the other snubnosed, hard edged detectives to quickly become the cop I'll quickly call if someone I love is horribly murdered, and the shock drives me catatonic to the point I'll be cradling a Sesame Street phone in a padded room.  She's on speed dial between Grover and El Mariachi.  The novels take place in Chicago, or as I prefer to think of it, "New York or Boston if constant tornados cleared the streets of garbage and thin folks."  They are a delicious black and tan on a seething hot day blend of side-splitting sarcasm and wit and stomach churning gore and violence.  It's everything a growing kid needs to fill the time between comic book movies this summer.

As I oft waxed whiner about on here, for both literature and cinema, series well past the range of trilogy can get stale and repetetive, like a piece of bubblegum or sex with me.  (See: Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter.  Serious, Laurell, I love you, but what half-animal, half-soap opera character is your tough but fragile huntress going to fuck this novel.  It's like she's got a giant Speak and Say, only it's got wereporn.  Anita fucks....a werepig.  The Pig says, "I don't want to be food.  Protect me from the werecoyotes that will end up betraying you.")  And what's particularly intriguing about this series is that Jack and her portly man-at-chubby-arms Herb Benedict, seem to be after bad apples from the same serial killer tree each time.  Yet, it never feels gimmicky, and the crime portions are always juicy and disturbing. 

The titles are always alcoholic beverages and plot related, though this one was a bit of a groaner.  I won't give it away, only to say I actually Ughhed out loud.  I didn't know how he would possibly top the topical and frightening homemade terrorist plot of Dirty Martini.  Turns out all he had to do was take everything that makes his novels amazing and toss them into a pressure cooker.  If you haven't read the other novels, this might get a little spoiler-y, so I first suggest you get a hold of the books and read through them.  (Then buy them as gifts for your friends.  They're tiny!  They mail easily!)

All Jack wanted was a nice quiet dinner at home with her mother and her potential fiance, Lantham, at the Daniels family homestead.  Instead, a crazy psychopath she thought dead forever returns to torture her and all the people she cares about.  If this weren't bad enough, the house is surrounded by three thrill-kill vigilantes who want to take out the cop who can stop them.  And the events all pretty much take place in a single evening, bounding in perspective from character, to villian, to other villian, to heroine at lightning pace.  There are so many fucking twists and turns and alliances, it's like watching an episode of Survivor if the goal was actually to murder the other players.  Which, come to think of it, would spice up any reality show.  American Gladiators for real, bitches.

In the hands of any other author, this easily could have deteriorated into some sort of cheesy-ass Movies for Guys Who Like Movies type horseshit.  But because we've learned to love all these characters, to see any of them hurt, or murdered, or killed is heartwrenching.  Even Harry, the best flat-out perverted prick son-of-a-bitch character in literary history.  Konrath ratchets up the tension, playing his typical shell game with lives and deaths.  You never know who's going to die, or why, or from what.  And it still manages to be chuckleworthy.  You'll be holding your breath between giggles.  It's like watching kids play with hot potato with a real potato.  Someone's taking a tater to the dome. 

The novel comes boiling to a dynamite in a gopherhole finish, making me literally scream with unabated rage.  I swore like a sailor falling on a pack of Girl Scouts at the finale, because Konrath committed the unforgivable cliffhanger ending.  It's worse than Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Imagine instead, if Mr. Burns coldly walked into the Simpson homestead and we saw a gunshot go off in a window.  Isn't that Bart's room?  What if Lisa were in there?  Someone doesn't survive this novel.  And we won't find out who until Cherry Bomb hits shelves in the summer of 2009.  And it wouldn't burn so bad if the writing wasn't so sharp.

If you're looking for a badass breakroom book or a killer beach read, accept no substitutes.  Konrath will whet your jones in a hurry, in books that you can breeze through.  The dialogue is sharp, the characters are hilarious, and the murders are sticky-sweet.  In fact, you can download the first novel, Whiskey Sour, for free from his website! (www.jakonrath.com). 

I can't wait for the sixth book to hit shelves.  So hurry up, Konrath.  You unbelieveable bastard.

I prefer paperback novels that are easily fit in your back pocket, and are often parts of large series.  I love digging my teeth into a new series, because if you enjoy it, there is usually more for you to feast upon.  I tend to read twisted bits of fiction, sprinkled with the occasional heady literary meal in the name of Steinbeck or Dostoevfsky.  Usually, it's pretty much junk food, and I loves it.

So for your edification, I recommend the following series to get you from sunburn to boat drink and back safely and enjoyably:

Tim Dorsey, Florida Roadkill:  How Serge A. Storms passed beneath my radar for so long is beyond me.  This enjoyable series, about a homicidal Florida history buff, is somewhere around it's 12 book by now.  The first book is Florida Roadkill, and reads like Carl Hiaasen or Big Sur Christopher Moore.  There are about 35 maniac characters who dwindle down to around 4 or 5 by the completion of this pulpy ride, in variously gruesome ways.  Such as tour bus full of Promise Keepers and Fix-A-Flat injected into the throat.  The star of this series is Serge, who's easily one of the finest folks from the Sunshine State.

Harlan Coben, Deal Breaker:  The first of the Myron Bolitar novels, and a book that pretty much spring-loaded me into the whole comic murder mystery.  He manages to intersperse action with dry wit, and it's a fantastic combination.  Myron is an ex basketball pro, who was injured during his professional career and now makes money as an agent.  He works closely with his seductively lethal secretary, Esperanza, a former lady wrestler, and his homicidal yuppie cohort, Win.  The mysteries have great twists, Myron's a spectacular character, and the action doesn't let up.  Coben's stand alone novels are also pretty bad ass. 

PJ Tracy, Monkeewrench:  The first of a spectacular set of novels, set in Minnesota.  They are written by a mother-daughter team, and again, feature a lot of decent comedy with a scintillating mystery.  It's a little pulpier than most, and I usually recommend these to fans of James Patterson's excellent Alex Cross and Women's Murder Club Series.  This first one is about a software company run by some less than saavy legal folks who develop a murder crime game that some copycat killer is aping.  It's pretty damn fun.  There are only four books so far in this series.

Jim Butcher, Storm Front: The Harry Dresden Files.  If you aren't reading these books yet, then what the fuck?  This pretty much has everything you're looking for in a series.  It's about a professional wizard for hire in Chicago, and reads like one part Sam Spade, and one part Harry Potter, and one part Punk Rock.  For a series that's gone 10 books, it's managed to keep the story surprisingly fresh.  Dresden is an all-around badass, and the cast of supporting characters gets even finer as it progresses.  Also, his Aleran fantasy novels are none too shabby either, if you're into the whole D&D thing.

JA Konrath, Whiskey Sour: Inspector Jack Daniels Series.  I was skeptical at first about this series.  Slim little tomes with drink names, and the main character, a female detective named Jack Daniels.  It seemed a little too punriffic to be any good.  Boy was I wrong.  This is a spectacular series that gets better as it goes along.  The humor is brilliant, and the violence is fucking horrifying.  It's like watching Dexter if he were being pursued by a combination of Sipowicz and Jerry Orbach.  Jack is a grim Chicago cop with a dry wit and a penchant for fine clothing and footwear.  I will be posting a review of book five, Fuzzy Navel, a little later this month at Pajiba, and I wanted to give everyone a chance to get started on the series.  Again, it's like a combination of Christopher Moore's wit with James Patterson's murder sprees.

There are plenty more I know I'm forgetting, and tons of stand-alones I needs to mention, but if you want a quick breezy read, I would recommend getting these and ambling over to the beach.  Every time I've carried one of these books, it's sparked up a conversation with a stranger.  Which annoys me, because hey, jerkoff, I'm trying to fucking read here!

Boat drinks and happy reading, friends!

Have you ever had a fuzzy navel?

You take 1 ½ ounces of Peach Snapps and 3 ounces of orange juice.  Pour the Snapps in a rocks or old fashioned glass over ice.  Add orange juice. 

I just finished a Fuzzy Navel. It left a satisfying taste in my mouth that won’t go away for a long time.  No, I’m not taking about the drink.  I’m talking about JA Konrath’s new novel that comes out in July. 

This is the fifth in the Jacqueline “Jack” Daniels mystery series and it rocks.  The pace of the action makes a formula one racer look like a go cart running with a governor.

What happens when three snipers band together over one man’s compulsion for revenge?  Things turn deadly and spiral out of control.   Add a stone cold killer that Jack sent to prison and you have a novel with more twists and turns than an Arizona flash flood.

One minute the hairs on the back of my neck were standing at attention and the next, I chortled so hard that I would have blown coke out of my nose if I’d been drinking one.

 If you can hold it in when Mr. Friskers gets a hold of Harry McGlade’s twins, you’re a better person than I am.

I have to admit to one disappointment.  I’ll have to wait until next year to find out who died in the end.  You’ll understand when you read the novel.

JA, thanks for the thrills.

Visit JA’s homepage  HERE.
Visit JA’s Blog  HERE.

You know how I was saying that these books just keep getting better?  Well, the hits keep on a-comin'.  This was an awesome premise, and really put together wonderfully.  Rusty Nail was good, but it did falter a bit in the story.  But Dirty Martini was a smash bang hit.

Jack Daniels is back again, just as bad ass as ever.  Instead of dealing with her mom in a coma, like the last book, now we have her boyfriend wanting to propose.  Poor Latham.  This guy's gotten his ass kicked and almost chopped up into little Conger bits for his devotion to Jack.  While this could easily be one of those throw away joke relationships, there merely to give the ol' WAH-WAH horn to how hard it is to keep a mAY-ahn when your Jack, it's played for wonderful effectiveness. 

A bio-terrorist is poisoning the city, injecting fruits and meats and packaging with deadly toxins and essentially murdering hundreds of people for the ransom.  It's creepy and gruesome and fascinating.  Again, the hand isn't tipped too quickly and the twists are clever.  It's a much sadder book, with character potentially about to exit the story.  But if you're in the mood for murder with laughs, start in on the series.  I was afraid it would be schlocky (I mean, the chick's fucking name is Jack Daniels) but it turned out to be one of my favorite series.  And there are two more coming out in quick succession: Fuzzy Navel later this year and one more for 2009, Cherry Bomb. 

Another fine turn in the delightful Jack Daniels series.  I really feel like Konrath just keeps getting better with each progressive novel.  The personal life is starting to creep into the story a bit more, which is always vaguely disturbing to me with murder mystery writers.  Patterson's all but fucked up Alex Cross with his attempts at wooing, and Jeffrey Deaver has committed a crime against humanity with Lincoln Rhyme, but these novels are so tongue in cheek, that it's actually the love story that keeps it relatively anchored.  

Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels is a Chicago cop (rolling on the same turf as my boy Harry Dresden) who always finds herself pursued by or pursuing serial killers.  This time, she's facing a copycat to the supposed Gingerbread Man from Whiskey Sour.  Like Paterson, Konrath allows us to see into the mind of killer, which really adds a brutally wicked element to the story.  He blends horribly graphic murder with a quick witted banter, and it makes for a delightful read.    

I would highly recommend this series to anyone who reads murder mystery, especially Patterson fans.  Much like P.J. Tracy, or even Hiassen and Dorsey, the books are gleefully violent and hilarious.  A great beach read or pocket potty book.  

Whiskey Sour is labeled “Mystery” but if it’s a mystery it’s the kind that rings your doorbell then punches you in the face, points and laughs rather than plays peek-a-boo with you. From the moment I finally found it I hoped it was going to be different. It does have a florescent cover after all.

Whiskey Sour is the first Jack Daniels mystery. Veteran police detective Jacqueline “Jack” Daniels is not only lead investigator in a nasty serial killer case she’s also been singled out by the Gingerbread Man as an adversary worthy of “special treatment”.

I was unsure for quite a ways into it. My trepidation and the things I liked were pretty much in balance. The tone to the writing is different than a lot of the stories I’ve read lately. Instead of the book wrapping itself around the reader it plays more like a private drama acted out before them. The action itself is the atmosphere.

I’m not sure about Jack herself. I did like that the main character was troubled, older and experienced. No young upstarts here. But Jack is neither a character I’d be able to enjoy a coffee date with nor one I’d want to dive into the story to help out. I don’t despise her by any means, but honestly I didn’t find a lot of sympathy for her either until after I knew what had happened between her and Harry. It took a while for her to show more emotion than just a cop. She’s not, in the end, an “I need sympathy” character.

Konrath also uses a writing tool that I am terribly skeptical about. Interspersed in the story from Jack’s point of view are chapters from the bad guy’s point of view. Normally I don’t like this mechanic. I generally don’t like as a reader (or as a writer like my readers), to know anything that the character doesn’t. But Konrath uses the technique well, putting the villain’s sections in present tense third person and Jack’s parts in first person past tense. This method absolutely would not have worked for me if the Gingerbread Man wasn’t such a proactive killer. If I didn’t know what he had done, specifically to attack Jack, then spend two chapters waiting for Jack to find her little presents, then I definitely would have been turned off.

But like I said, this mystery isn’t content to just sit back and slowly unfurl. It sits around a bit, gets bored, then jumps up and hits you with a baseball bat.

I’m still not sure if Konrath’s style works for me. He doesn’t pull his punches, he doesn’t hesitate or blur the shot. That does work for me. Whether I like the series as a whole or not I’m hooked for another book. Hopefully this time Harry gets what’s coming to him. This book rates a buy it for sheer balls.

Bloody Mary is the second book in J.A. Konrath's “Jack” Daniels series. Bloody Mary starts with Lieutenant Jacqueline Daniels being called down to the county morgue because a few extra body parts have been found. Not just any body parts though. This pair of arms was found held together with Daniels' own handcuffs. Like it? It gets better from there.

If you told me that the bad guy would be revealed and caught in the middle of the book and that the remainder of the story would still be just as intense and suspenseful as the hunt for the perp I never would have believed you. But finding the killer's name is just the beginning of the story.

Konrath must have been laughing at the idea that all mysteries reveal the bad guy at the climax. He absolutely shattered my preconceived notions of what a mystery should be.

Bloody Mary is fun, funny, incredibly dark, and completely pulled me in. My only regret is that I finished it at 3am, and alas all the book stores that carry the third book in the series were closed.

Gratia Placenti is the 2007 follow-up to Apex Publications' first Stoker-nominated featured writer anthology, Aegri Somnia. Subtitled "For the sake of pleasing" the stories all incorporate the themes of pleasure and punishment...

Full review atDarkScribe Magazine.

Here we go, in no particular order:

The week started off in fine fashion when a Purple Hearts favorite, Kathy Carmichael, guested at the Plot Monkeys blog. (The pages on her web site about synopsis writing offer life-saving measures!) She wrote a fabulous post on HOW TO GIVE YOUR READERS THAT AH! ENDING.   Kathy always has great insight and helpful tips, so we encourage you to take a glimpse at her post by clicking HERE.

And speaking of synopsis writing, there is a new PLOT SYNOPSIS PROJECT taking place over at Live Journal.  This project defines the synopsis and a number of authors have posted samples of their work.  To take a gander at these helpful examples, click HERE.

When we stumbled across JA Konrath's blog, A Newbie's Guide to Publishing, we couldn't believe we hadn't found it sooner -- the content is so up our alley!  This week we found a helpful and motivational post on DEALING WITH DISCOURAGEMENT.   This multi-published thriller author even offers some great tricks to help face down the discouragement demons.  To find those tricks, click HERE.

Although our focus here is on novel writing, the principles of screenwriting are great additional tools  to help hone your fiction craft.  There are a number of similarities between the two, which is why we wanted to recommend an entry from the Screenwriting Goldmine blog.  The post on EASY STEPS TO POLISH YOUR FIRST DRAFT has some spot-on advice that will apply whether you are polishing your script of buffing up your book.  To see what those tips are, click HERE. 

We find some invaluable information in agent blogs, and Caren Johnson has done something  that we think is a great practice -- while she still posts information to her blog, she has re-purposed her blog to feature active posts from her clients.  We loved this two-part series this week on PROMO 101.  To link to Lesson 2 (a link to Lesson 1 is featured in the post), click HERE.

In talking about agent blogs,  we would be remiss if we didn't mention Nathan Bransford of Curtis Brown.  Even though we try to vary up the sources we cite every week, we could go every Friday and refer back to something Nathan said over the course of the week.  So . . . we have decided to end each Friday's What's New In Publishing segment with a note from Nathan -- or, as we affectionately call it, WHAT NATHAN SAID.  Click HERE for WNS this week on TRUST AND COMMUNICATION.  

And there you have it -- our picks for the week ending March 21.   Have a great weekend, and we'll look forward to seeing you again next week! 

Unlike Konrath, I am not trying to promote a book with my stories, I have yet to finish my YA novel, but I think Konrath's advice is good for anyone trying to get short fiction published.

WRITE FOR THE INTENDED MARKET.

Would you spend hours making a key without having a lock it can open? No. But many authors write whatever the hell they want to write and then erroneously believe there will be a market begging to publish it. That usually isn't the case.

Magazines, anthologies, and websites all have specific demographics. They want specific stories to please these demographics. It's much easier to write for a market than write according to your whim and then try to find a market that will buy it.

When you have found a market, read it. Don't guess what you think the editors will like. Discover what the editors like by reading stories they've already published.

Also, it makes good sense to write stories about the characters who are in your novels. The closer the tie in, the more likely you are to sell a book if someone likes the story.

Got it? Good. And if it stifles your muse, remind yourself that writing is a job.

This is the best advice I've read lately. I had been writing stories about whatever I wanted and then hoping to find markets for them. This sometimes works, but it is a struggle to find just the right match. Hence, the 136 rejection letters.

Konrath also listed the pros and cons of various markets including: magazines, anthologies, limited editions, and new markets. I found this very helpful. I had not before considered, for example, that the majority of readers I may reach with magazines will only read my work during the month the magazine is fresh, whereas anthologies may stay in print for years and the Internet is eternal.

I'll be taking a break from writing and submitting to visit my Mom in Missouri this weekend. I can't wait.

In the original version of High Treason (The Magic Quilt), I had Katharine traveling to several places and time periods, both in the past and future. Minor characters from those places, including Jamestown, Virginia, visited Katharine in the present. As a result, Pocahontas was in several scenes. I had decided to remove her character from the novel, including a middle chapter where she had a central role. I thought the chapter slowed down the plot and didn't add anything. The women in my writing critique group felt differently, that the chapter is needed to both lighten the novel and show another side of Katharine’s character.

So, I decided to let my thoughts on High Treason percolate in the background for awhile, and I did some organizing. Looking though my computer files, I was shocked to discover that I have written 19 stories, of which only 3 are published! Yikes. I had neglected these stories, some for several years. Why? Short attention span. I hate editing, polishing and submitting. I love the thrill of first draft writing: getting to know the characters, discovering where the story goes. After that the story and the characters get cold to me. This is why my YA novel is not finished.

Looking back over my older writing, I discovered something else. I have really grown as a writer. I recognize some novice mistakes in my older work, like POV issues--I couldn't seem to find the MC's voice, plot holes and leaps, telling instead of showing, needless description, repetition, dialogue tag problems, and tense changes. In fact, some of my older stories are real stinkers. Back when I wrote them, thinking they were awesome works of art, I sent each to friends and family. I apologize for that—I should have sent a clothespin with each story. I even submitted some of these stinkers for publication. Many stunk as much as the bad story JA Konrath wrote to illustrate newbie mistakes. Not surprisingly, I accumulated many rejections

So, over my 12 days of Christmas, I polished three stories, submitted two to a contest and one to a periodical. In so doing, I cut 1,450 unnecessary words from Stand-in Santa, a whopping 40% reduction in the story. Eh gads. Similarly, I cut almost 400 words from Project Golem, a futuristic story about WWIV. I apologize to anyone who read the earlier versions of these stories.

I’ve got a lot more work to do. My new edict for 2008 is: Write. Edit. Polish—Submit. With this in mind, here are my New Year's Resolutions.

1. I will finish High Treason
2. I will choose my next book length project and begin working on it
3. I will research the market and agencies representing YA historical fiction/fantasy and search for an agent
4. I will always have at least three stories—YA or adult—(and one article idea) on submission, while working on a fourth
5. I will finish every story I start
6. I will submit every story I finish
7. I will subscribe to the magazines I submit to and read them
8. I will read the Newberry winners and finalists from the last two years to grow in my YA writing
9. I will continue to blog – the process improves my writing
10. I will update my website after reviewing other YA writer sites
11. I will attend at least one writer’s conference, and introduce myself to agents, editors, and other writers
12. I will refuse to get discouraged, even in the face of daunting odds. I love to write and my imagination contains stories that only I can tell. For now, that is my reward. I will not dwell on the fact that I have written drafts of three novels – not finished any, penned over 175,000 words. Although I have earned 135 rejections, I have sold only one story and one essay. I received nada in the way of monitary compensation for the rest of my publications.

I am a better writer than I was when I received all those rejections. To illustrate the point, here is the original opening from "Her Sister's Ghost," written in 2002:

Ashleigh Richards stepped into the rear of a small commuter plane and walked past an attractive man, with long, wavy, black hair and sunglasses, who was seated in the last row of the plane. She glanced at him as she passed him; an intense look indicating her attraction for him, which she noticed was reciprocated. She immediately cleared him from her thoughts as she walked toward the front of the plane. She was relieved that seat 4D was a window seat; she would be able to look out the window and think. She stowed her black cashmere coat and carry on bag in the overhead compartment. Ashleigh had her driver’s license and $200 cash in her jeans pocket. Her Gateway, Solo 1200 notebook Ashleigh kept with her. The laptop computer barely fit under the seat in front of her and Ashleigh didn’t have room for her feet with the computer there. One of the drawbacks of being tall is there is never enough legroom. Ashleigh knew that even a shorter person would have trouble compacting themselves into the small seating area of the Express Jet.

I am embarrassed to admit that I submitted this story for publication. The one long opening paragraph screams novice: telling instead of showing, needless description, repetition … Who would want to read more?

The new opening, while still not pefect, is much stronger:

The police would find him, dead in her house. It didn’t matter that he had deserved to die.

Ashleigh Adams shoved her crutches into the back seat of her Cavalier, wincing in pain as she lowered herself carefully into the driver’s seat. She accelerated down the long driveway, tires spitting gravel. As she entered the onramp to the highway, she was already traveling at over eighty miles per hour, speeding to get away from the fear that caused her hands to tremble on the steering wheel.

“Ashleigh, I had to kill him. He gave me no choice,” Erica said.

Sighing, Ashleigh turned toward her sister.

Erica was gone. The passenger seat empty. Ashleigh was left only with the image of Erica standing over her husband, holding the .45 with two steady hands. A bullet hole between his sightless eyes.

I will refuse to get discouraged, because I know JA Konrath wrote 9 novels, received almost 500 rejections, and penned over 1 million words before he sold a thing--and I'm a lot more talented than that guy ... Read entire post.

I especially like the last. It gives me hope.

Have a wonderful holiday and I'll be blogging again in the New Year.

I don't have the time.  I write on a laptop which isn't connected to the 'net and when I do get on-line I usually have a "to do" list in front of me.

But tonight I had some time to kill between cutting my husband's hair and waiting for Heroes to finish recording, so I checked out Rebecca James' blog--she always has something interesting to read.   I spent a few minutes catching up on her blog and decided to check out the people on her blogroll.

I struck gold with the first click:  A Newbie's Guide to Publishing.  Needless to say I read some of his posts and they struck a chord.

I'm debating a rather major decision about my career and his posts were enlightening.

If you're a writer, check out that blog.  It's worth the time.

~Margo