1:33 - Fort Bragg's Army Chorus is singing "America the Beautiful." They're really good. They know the second verse! I didn't know there was a second verse. Or this third verse, that's really really fast. We totally could end the sectarian violence in Iraq, if we sung at them. The bad guys'd be all, "Why didn't you tell us this earlier? America sounds great! Purple mountains, you say?" I don't know the second song they're singing, but it sounds Country. Oh, it's that "Freedom Isn't Free" song. Right? No, wrong. Crap. "I'm an American Soldier."

Wow. They're having guys take the oath of enlistment on the field. I really respect the shit out of the United States Armed Forces. Hopefully they get to watch the game before they go to boot camp.

1:41 - Apparently, Neil Patrick Harris is playing trumpet in some Army Jazz Band called "Swamp Romp." This is the weirdest thing ever. Okay, it's not Doogie Howser, but a reasonable facsimile. The lead guy kind of looks like Sean Penn. The combination of army fatigues and Dixieland Jazz and the doppelgangers of NPH and Sean Penn is going to make my head explode.

1:46 - I want to have one of these pregame montages made about my life. It's the best part of any sporting event. Try to deny that. You can't. In other news, I need to get the Batman Begins soundtrack. Holy shit. The game ball was delivered by guys rapelling down from the rafters.
1:50 - Introductions are set to the hip-hop version of Carmina Burana. I think Carl Orff is all right with that. Columbus enters the stadium. We've switched to Click Click Boom - it's a little more traditional. They stole their fire from the Harry Potter movies it's all color-changing and what-not. Whee! Indoor fireworks, the whole thing. Good times.

If you're curious, the crowd seems to be weighted towards the San Jose two-dozen. But there are still a surprising amount of empty seats, so that could change. Columbus fans might just be institutionally tardy. Joe says that, based on the tunnel exits, San Jose's got this one.

1:54 - Presentation of the colors, etc. I'm typing standing up. It's monstrously awkward. Just like my life. Miss America 2007 sings the National Anthem. She's pretty. There are wolf-whistles from the crowd that would seem to support this hypothesis. She does a good, if a little logy, rendition.

1:58 - The best thing that ever happened to sports montage makers was the release of Pirates of the Carribean. There are little shrines to Klaus Badelt in all their homes.

2:01 - It is pretty fucking loud in here. The standard "Make some noise" scoreboard exhortation is subheaded with "You're on national TV!!!" Hee! The mascots and Aaron's Dream Team are taking the field now. We'll eventually address this, but they range from the reasonable (the Blaze's dalmation) to the horrifying (New Orleans' Skeletor-guy, and both of Georgia's... things). Aaron's Dream Team, however, are very pretty.

2:04 - Before Klaus Badelt, arena sound and video guys had The Alan Parsons Project. Bwwwaaaaah.... Bwaahhhhh.... Doo noo noo, doo noo noo...

2:05 - Tails never fails. Columbus will kick.

2:06 - Jock Jams? Really? Michael Buffer also was canonized along with Badelt, Alan Parasons Project, and Rock and Roll Part II. But seriously: Jock Jams? Is this 1997?

Okay, so with 1:00 to game time, this place is at about 2/3 capacity. For being sold out, that's kind of weird. Hey - San Jose fans brought their cowbells! Remind me how cowbells relate to San Jose or smilodons californis? Also, 1:00 to game time was a dirty lie. That timer expired about 90 seconds ago. LIES! What makes you lie, scoreboard?

2:11 - KICKOFF!

Kickoff returned to the 17. The atmosphere is, to be cliche, electric. Grieb gets moving. You can tell he's been here before.

Three incomplete passes to the corners of the end zone, one that might have been flag-worthy, but they were safely out of the hands of any player. It's not like the story Grieb told at media day about his first game when, seeing no one open, he tried to throw the ball out the back of the end zone, as you do, but forgot about the nets back there, and was picked off.

Touchdown SaberCats - Brian Johnson, who was a late addition to the starting lineup, barrels in. 7-0 San Jose, 11:09 left in the first.

2:18 Josh Bush returns the ball out of the end zone, and finds space due to a block in the back. Nagy's going to have to start from the 3 and a half.

Nagy to Groce results in not only a first down, but Groce's head being nearly taken off by Marquice Floyd. They have words after the play. Nagy completes a pass to Magner, after staring a hole through his helmet. Hey, San Jose, the guy Nagy's STARING at is the guy he's going to throw to.

George Williams bats the ball down at the line. If he had two hands on that, you could've added 6. Fortunate. A battle of wills at the 1...

2:23 - Touchdown, Destroyers! A relatively large man crashes through the line for the TD. I don't know. XP is good, 7-7, 6:33 left in the first. 4:14 was the time of the drive, and Harold Wells was the relatively large man. Thanks, disembodied press box voice!

Let me tell you something else, dear readers: ESPN broadcasts mean a metric fuckton of commercials. The players are antsy, the fans are antsy, we're antsy. Let's get back to scoring points with extreme prejudice!

2:26 - Kickoff returned to the 20. Peter Martinez was setting up to blow up another lengthy return, but one too many jukes stopped the return.

It's my favorite play in Arena Football: the motion man (Wright) is about 17 yards offsides. That's a paddlin'.

2:29 - I'm also going to take this time to mention that the Aaron's Dream Team have changed out of their relatively heinous - hang on -

Touchdown, SaberCats! That was fast. Holy hell, that's a pretty fade thrown by Grieb. 14-7, San Jose. 3:11 remains.

Anyway, the cheerleaders changed out of the relatively heinous Aaron's ketchup-and-mustard colored uniforms and into their team-specific attire. That means ISF Most Favored Cheerleader Brooke has broken out the chaps. Good times.

[Update: Joe got a photo. This is what we in the business call "teamwork." It's heartwarming.]

Ooh, records montage: 166 receptions, first ever 2000-yard season, a bunch of first downs... Siaha had a pretty good season. I guess that's why he was the offensive player of the year

2:33 - Kickoff returned to the 7. Let's see who Nagy can overthrow on this drive. He's a nice guy, but let's face it: he's a little wild with his heaves.

Alan Harper not only jumps offsides, but makes it all the way to Nagy, who backpedals like a maniac, but to no avail. Harper makes like he just intended to give Nagy a friendly hug, and the offensive line requests politely that he disentangle himself from their quarterback.

There we go! Our first incidence of a receiver having his head snapped back by the unforgiving wall! Magner makes the diving catch and leads with his head into the wall. That'll take us to the end of the quarter.

Wait, WHY IS THERE AN ADT TRUCK ON THE FIELD? Has there been a break in? Did someone forget to punch in the code when they came into the arena?

Oh, it's just some ADT guy with the Defensive Player of the Year Award. Mr. White seems pleased with his trophy. You know that if he moves up to the League, that's turning into a doorstop. And it's not even going to stop an important door; it's going in the third bedroom or something.

2:41 - Top of the 2nd quarter, and if Cole Magner uses 2 hands, that's a touchdown.
Hey, Brandon Heflin set the arena post-season league record for tackles with 38 just now. Thanks, disembodied press box voice!

Nagy, totally fucked, scrambles for an eternity and then throws the ball into the stands. A jumpy SaberCat linebacker leaves the stupid linebacker box, so all his team's defensive pressure was for naught.

2:43 - We are not very good at keeping quiet in the press box. It's open to the stands, which means we're not getting in trouble. So, that's good. The reason I bring this up is that there was a pass-interference call in the end zone, we both went "Oooh," and immediately looked at each other, and then around to see if anyone noticed.

Nagy apparently took hardcount lessons from Tony Graziani last week, because he just pulled the entire defensive line offsides. On the ensuing play, the SaberCats defense just smothers Johnson at the line.

[Note: Sorry for the delay, guys, the network here isn't very fast.]

2:47 - Touchdown, Destroyers! Hilliard - an offensive lineman, mind you, pulls in the lob pass, and Nagy's a-dancin'. 14-14, 10:03 remains in the second.

2:50 - San Jose returns the kickoff for a touchdown! Please don't make us go back to commercial... Oooh, A.J. Haglund misses the extra point. That's going to come back to haunt them. 56-yard return for Trestin (really? That's his first name?) George. 20-14, SaberCats, 9:06 remains in the half.

2:53 - Well! Josh Bush has to get tackled by San Jose K and diminutive Casanova A.J. Haglund to avoid back-to-back touchdown returns.

Interception, Clevan Thomas. We're going the other direction. That's the mistake San Jose was looking for. If San Jose scores on this drive, well, let's just say they don't give up those sorts of leads easily...

2:57 - I just realized how much we relied on the TV feeds for these liveblogs in the past. If we can't make fun of the Team of Mike or listen in to coach-player arguments, we have to talk about the game. Weak. On that note: Grieb buys himself some space, and completes two quick passes. He's getting hit a wee bit after these plays, but nobody seems to mind.

Hm. An elusive Rodney Wright is dragged into the wall by his pads, which apparently is a personal foul. That pushes the SaberCats inside the five, where they traditionally have a little bit of difficulty. Indeed, three consecutive rushes don't go anywhere. 4th and 1, and they'll go for it.

While we have an equipment time out so they can fix Mr. Johnson's helmet (I think), I'm also calling shenanigans on the "EA Sports Noise Meter." That needle started moving before anyone made any sound. If you can't trust your scoreboard graphics, what can you trust?

4th and 1: Touchdown! Grieb, inventive, scores with a sweet shovel pass to somebody while scrambling for his life. XP is good, 27-14, San Jose, 3:01 left in the half. Who was that receiver, disembodied press box voice? George Williams? Thank you.

3:06 - My co-editor is manning the comments and whatnot, and says I should say hi to Detective Bunk, TSW, jcompton, et al. So, hello to our readers. I hope this is reaching you in somewhat contemporaneously with the actual action.

Josh Bush really wants to get out of the end zone on the kickoff, but is unable to.

Nagy throws a bomb that I initially thought was just a really shitty pass, but it turns out he got killed on the play. I'm an excellent analyst. But it turns out I'm vindicated, as they ran the same play again (Nagy to Groce, deep), and he overthrows Groce by 10 yards.

Hot dogs will be available at halftime in the rear of the left press box! That's where we are! Free food? Awesome. Also awesome is the montage of the 2007 Hits of Doom. I can't decide whether or not the gasps of horror from the crowd are piped in or not.

This would be where we'd be told that there's no punting in Arena Football. Wait, what the fuck just happened? It looks like Peter Martinez fell down... was that some kind of fake? He fell into the ball, it squirted out to the 3-ish, some Columbus player picked it up and carried it a couple yards, and everyone reacted like this was perfectly normal.

And once again, San Jose's struggling inside the red zone - however far that actually is. Oh, and that turns out to be an understatement: fumble, recovered by Columbus. We're going the other way, but there's only 29 seconds left in the half... Will it be enough?

3:18 - Nagy, dumped by Ron Jones. Time out, Columbus. I wish I could be listening to Coach Wilford Brimley and Matt Nagy right now. Somebody tell me what they're arguing about this time. Those two wacky kids. Will they ever make it work?

Nagy, with the rarely-utilized 17-step drop, throws 15 yards behind Bush. Holding, defense. That's a gift to Columbus. :16 left, and Columbus has 34 yards to travel.

Matt Nagy and the Destroyers have to burn a time out, and it looks like Nagy's donned his crabby pants for the game. He looks, from up here, more unhappy than an Illinois Nazi standing outside of Wrigley Field.

Short pass, the wall stops the clock with less than a minute left in the half.

WELL! Fan interference, much? A Douchey Adam Brody-esque kid falls into the field of play and breaks up the pass with his noggin. The good news is that he almost killed himself doing it, and that would've served him right. Though it's hard to apply life lessons that are lethal. I appreciate alliteration. That's going to force a field goal as the half ends which is... missed.

Your halftime score: 27-14, San Jose.

Your halftime entertainment: The Rebirth Brass Band. If these are the guys we have to thank for the irritating Arena Bowl commercials, I'm going to have an aneurysm.

Re: the hot dogs, I've been trying to remember the Eddie Izzard bit. Sadly, the hot dogs... are. They're hot dogs, and they ran out of buns. You could've added chili to your dog, were you so inclined.

3:39 - Were starting the second half. Bush dances on the return to the 7. By the way, reports of a sell-out were exaggerated, at best. There are sections that are largely empty in the 300-level, and there's a lot of seats free in the lower level as well.

They finally almost manage the Nagy-Groce bomb, but Groce is interfered with and can't come down with it. First down on the penalty.

Apparently the halftime plan was to incorporate a lot of the screen-and-make-moves play. Who's running this offense, Gary Crowton? John Shoop?

Cole Magner just made the play of the afternoon out of a spectacular fuck-up. Tipping it to yourself always makes the highlight reel, but when you tip it to yourself and have to lay out to complete the catch, that's really cute.

3:45 - Again, Columbus misses out on a TD catch by trying to make it one-handed. Le sigh. The screen-and-scramble brings up 4th down and goal.

Touchdown, Destroyers! The crowd is surprisingly subdued at this development. If there's one thing arena QBs can do, it's throw the lob fade to the corner of the end zone. 27-21, San Jose, and there's 8:09 left in the 3rd

According to the disembodied press box voice, total tickets sold: 17,056, with 15,147 the turnstile attendance. Capacity is 19,000. That's your sell-out, AFL? Weak sauce. However, both of the records are neutral-site Arena Bowl records. Though I'm going to have to do some research on where the Las Vegas Arena Bowls were actually held, to see if there's a limiting condition there.

3:50 - Kickoff returned to the 11. Hee: on the first down, the down marker falls over. Because they just lean it against the wall, you know. How Ben Nelson (who we talked to and is awesome) got wide open, I will never know, but he did, and brings San Jose to the 8. Ladies and gentlemen, we're in the Zone of Molasses. Though Grieb did try to mix it up by throwing a pass off the net. A somewhat specious pass interference call on that play gives San Jose a new set of downs, and rousts 6 or 7 San Jose fans to ring their cowbells.

3:54 - For those of you curious, now they're recycling crowd noise.

Grieb completes a nice fade pass in the end zone... to a large-ish VooDoo fan. Next play, touchdown, Grieb to Nelson. Ben Nelson slips his defender, and trots in unmolested. XP is good, 34-21 San Jose, 3:06 left in the third.

Oh, in more Aaron's Dream Team news, there's a crazy-eyed redhead in this group, which is ordinarily my wheelhouse. I don't know how I missed that before.

3:58 - Fuck you, Media Time Out. We just HAD a timeout when San Jose scored. They've used up all the cool montages already. Worse news: we get the Arena Football videogame ad that Joe hates again, so it looks like he might kill someone.

Josh Bush gets OBLITERATED after catching Nagy's pass. Any "Ooooh" you heard was real. That's the most noise this crowd's made in 18 minutes of game time.

4:01 - As Nagy can't find anyone open, he languidly flips the ball into the stands, and everyone in the area has the damnedest time catching it. It seriously bounces off no less than 8 pairs of hands before landing in the aisle. Joe makes a good point: "Wouldn't it be awesome if, on a play like that, he just stopped, turned and handed the ball to whatever fan he was standing next to?"

Once again, the Groce bomb is incomplete. Once again, there's a little pass interference (this time, not called). Once again, they run the same play, and this time it works: touchdown, Columbus. Martinez clangs the extra point, and it's 34-27 as the quarter ends.

It's a one-score game as we enter the 4th quarter. I'm as surprised as you are. "It doesn't feel like a one-touchdown game, does it?" Joe asks.

The City of New Orleans is thanked by the AFL, and it gets a nice cheer. The contest in between quarters is the old "Kick a field goal, win a trip" game, and the guy misses wide He had the height and distance. I don't know why I'm telling you this.

Also of note: this crowd is pretty notably weighted towards Columbus. Now that their team is showing signs of life, so are their fans.

4:08 - Kickoff is almost mis-managed off the post, but San Jose hauls it in. For some reason, they just started gradually turning the lights in the press box up, and it's driving me insane.

Grieb to Nelson, Grieb to Roe, Grieb to Roe, Grieb to Roeand I don't think San Jose's screwing around anymore. 1st and Goal, SaberCats.

Nice flip to Roe, and the San Jose bench wants the touchdown, but the ball is spotted inside the 1.

The next play is run in by Phil Glover, and the refs don't call the touchdown for what seems like an eternity. That was weird. The XP is good, 41-27 San Jose, 10:28 left in the game.

I'm enthralled by the Best of ESPN Miked-up. I take back everything I said about them being out of good montages. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: they should broadcast a feed on, like, HBO, so we can include all the language.

4:17 - Columbus starts their drive, and they have to make a move right now. A move that does not include Nagy skipping a pass to his wide receiver. Incidentally, the cowbells are back out.

Interception, Omar Smith, who then takes a nap on the ball in celebration. Using the ball as a pillow: that's a really underrated celebration. The San Jose faithful just made a relatively shocking amount of noise: I had assumed something had poisoned all of them, because they had been pretty quiet.

Bryant Gumbel, circa 1986, sighting! The old SportsCenter broadcasts of Arena Football just got shown here. That was great.

If you'll excuse me, I have to vote for the players of the game now. This is silly.

Okay, so I've voted for Mark Grieb as Offensive Player of the Game and MVP. Omar Smith get my vote for Defensive Player of the Game, and Phil Glover as Ironman of the Game. I wish I could think of somebody on Columbus to vote for, because it's always interesting when a player from the losing (I think it's safe to assume at this point) team wins something.

4:26 - Touchdown, Grieb to Roe. That's a 1:26 drive, gang. Columbus fans are starting to file out, there's a small section of the San Jose crowd singing "Whoomp, There It Is." I'm serious. I can hear them because they're pretty much the only ones making any significant noise.

4:28 - The kickoff is returned just out of the end zone, so Nagy starts in the shadow of his own goalposts. It occurs to me that that statement only makes sense when there are goalposts and when you're outside with light that produces shadows. While I took the time to type that, Nagy actually moved 30 yards.

Some illegal formation penalty that I'm not familiar with takes five yards off of that, and Nagy tries to make that penalty pointless with a dart into the end zone. Whoever that was got murdered by the DB, and that's pass interference. Nagy's next pass into the stands is again mishandled by thirty-seven people. But the NEXT pass is a jump ball between David Saunders and a fan, and the fan wins! Saunders clobbers a poor little kid in the effort, but stands there for 20 seconds or so to make sure he's okay. That's pretty nice.

Touchdown, Nagy to Saunders, in rather pedestrian fashion. It's a fake! Peter Martinez actually scrambles for 15-20 seconds, and flings it out the back of the end zone. He showed some moves there. You know, for a kicker. 48-33, San Jose, and we're at the 1:00 warning.

4:37 - Marquis Floyd of the SaberCats comes down with the onsides kick, and the "Whoomp! There It Is" fans are now singing "Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye." When they're not singing, it's just that sort of restless semi-silence.

4:40 - Brian Johnson runs it in for the touchdown, and that's really, really, really going to do it for Columbus. Troy Reddick gets mysteriously flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. I wish I knew what he did. I was looking at other things.

4:41 - Ooh, shiny!

4:42 - The comedy comes in spades, as we get the "Fat Guy On the Jumbotron Lifts His Shirt and Manipulates His Belly To 'I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night,'" shot. :38 seconds left, 55-33, San Jose.

Columbus uses their last time-out. I start to think about how painful the drive home's going to be. Perhaps we can find a Holiday Inn Express in Effingham, IL or something.

:16 left, and the San Jose bench starts celebrating.

Nagy is sacked, and that'll do it. San Jose wins their third Arena Bowl title. Whee! 55-33, San Jose is your final score.

"Celebration?" Really? That song SUCKS.

4:49 - Postgame liveblogging, at no cost to you, the reader: They've set up a rope line, like they're afraid somebody's going to storm the field or something. I'd think if anything like that were to happen, it would've happened already. That's weird.

Giant Commissioner David Baker is presenting the James Foster trophy. I think fans of New Orleans outnumber the fans of either team playing today.

HEE! David Baker called it the "All Fun League." In your FACE, NFL! Here comes the confetti! That's not coming out. To steal a joke - Glitter: The Herpes of Craft Supplies.

4:53 - Mark Grieb is your Arena Bowl XXI MVP. He wins a Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder - which, incidentally, is the Official Car of the Official Yeti Roommate of It's Still Football. - and is handed the keys by the president of Mitsubishi. He has to be INCREDIBLY confused: "What is this nonsense? I was told that your American Football is played on 100-yard fields! And what are those monstrosities in the end zones? I haven't been this confounded since I was told it was in poor taste to refer to China as 'Manchuko.'"

The award winners are all the guys I voted for. How nice. Meanwhile, the All Cliche League played "We Are the Champions" and, though they resisted for the rest of the game, they broke out "Rock & Roll, Part 2." Oh well.

Well, that's it. Look for other nonsense from Arena Bowl Weekend tomorrow, and then we'll see what's next. This was fun: thanks for your kind attention, gang. I'm out.

We learned from no less an authority than the man himself that Brett Dietz's mom has read It's Still Football. Sorry for all the curse words, ma'am.

Eventually, you'll see a video of Brett Dietz reading the original Brett Dietz post. I wish we had the foresight to pull up the one where we asked if, in Finland, instead of "Hut," they say "Bork," and the snap's always on three, but I didn't. We went up to him, pulled out my laptop, (he asked if we wanted him to sign my iBook, which also was funny) and explained what who we were. His immediate response:

"This is you guys? You guys wrote this? MY MOM told me about this. She wanted to know who wrote it! I told her I hoped it was a lady."

Co-Rookie of the Year Charles Frederick also enjoyed the exchange. It bears repeating: arena football players are personable and awesome. So, thanks for reading, Mom of Brett Dietz! The video, and J's commentary, below.

Oh, Brett Dietz. Nope, we're a couple of dudes. Sorry to disappoint. However, we have a feeling the Ladies... would like to make your acquaintance.

Keep soldiering on, Brett, and make them Turku Trojans proud! Charles, we were very pleased to meet you as well. Next season we'll be keeping tabs on you.

Mrs. Brett Dietz's Mom, your son is, in the nomenclature of our times, "teh awsum". We'll try to keep the swears to a minimum.

Yours truly finally got up the nerve to have a little chat with Destroyers QB Matt Nagy. We're pleased to report that despite the interactions we've seen with Skip Foster, Matt is actually very nice. And one hell of a good sport when I get a little side tracked.

It occurs to me that we've never made our predictions. Who will, with effort, hoist the 800,000-pound James Foster Trophy?

The Case for Columbus:

(TC)

• On their way here, they overcame the odds and defeated arguably the two best teams in the league whose name doesn't rhyme with Man Fosé. Handily.
• Wily veteran coach Doug Kay don't take no shit off nobody.
• Opportunistic on defense - converts turnovers into points.
• Kicker Peter Martinez is a pretty cool guy, and has tackled a couple guys but good.
• Matt Nagy's mistakes tend to fly thirty rows deep into the stands. Hard to turn those into points.

(JM)

• Since everyone else that covers this league has mentioned it already, we'll just repeat: Chicago was 7-9 heading into the playoffs last season (historical note: Chicago won).
• A QB that grows a beard means business, or maybe is just lazy (see: Kyle Orton). We suspect Matt Nagy is the former and not the latter.
• A team that's made us eat this much crow has to be for real.

The Case For San José:

(TC)

• Hey! San José rhymes with Tan Flosé! Did I intentionally set it up so that mean's they're one of the top few teams in the league? (Hint: Yes.)
• Defense. Lots of it. A defense that tends to make it's own opportunities.
• Coach Darren Arbet has a couple of rings, so that's got to count for something, even if he hasn't the demeanor of Emperor Palpatine.
• AFL stalwart Grieb > AFL stalwart Nagy. Sorry, Matt.
• I've been on the SaberCats bandwagon since week 7, with a one-week abstention in the hopes that Chicago'd make the Arena Bowl.

(JM)

• Coach Arbet - cool and composed.
• Mark Grieb - laser vision.
• In my experience, TC is a pretty smart hombre. He's been singing San Jose's praises since week 7.
• So far as Columbus in concerned, all good things must come to an end.

(TC) What it comes down to is that I keep saying to myself, "Really? Columbus? Where was this team all year? They're not going to peel off their faces, Mission: Impossible-style, and turn out to be the Dallas Desperados in disguise, right?" San Jose hasn't made any mistakes to speak of, and I stand by my statement that, even in the points-happy Arena League, defense wins championships. (JM) Verily.

(TC) Prediction: San Jose 60, Columbus 35. (JM) San Jose 62, Columbus 56.

TC and I have heard some rumors about the AFL throughout this season - Columbus Destroyers K Peter Martinez will neither confirm nor deny these rumors when pressed by TC. He did, however, allow TC to take a picture of his kicking foot. Peter almost fell over in the process. We're glad he didn't.

Ladies(…) and Gentleman, the time is here. In a scant few hours, TC and yours truly will embark on a voyage to New Orleans that promises to be filled with 14 hours of evading state police forces, drag racing gun-toting southerners with Confederate flags painted on their hoods, hours of mind-numbing uncomfortable silence, and a pair of severely chaffed asses. Waiting on the other side of that long, lonesome road is a weekend that promises endless shenanigans of a family-friendly nature, including, according to the ceaseless flood of press releases in our email accounts,

• A media afternoon with full access to the players and coaches of both teams, and (what we’ll be most excited about following our drive) a lunch catered by Zea’s, who, among other accolades, won 2^nd place in the 2005 Lafayette LRA Chocolate Indulgence Competition for their signature Chocolate Glaze Hot Chicken Wings.

• The Discover Card Fan Fest, which on Sunday will feature AFL mascots and player autographing sessions, the 82^nd Airborne (All-American Chorus), a dance performance by Aaron’s Dream Team, and concerts by Fleure D’Lis, Soul Rebels, and No Idea. The best part of this release is the bullet item “5pm – No Idea Concert” which tickles us in all the right grammatical places.

• The game lead-off singing of the National Anthem led by, no joke, Miss America 2007 Lauren Nelson.

In addition, we’ll also be privy to the 2^nd annual AFL combine, a trip to the Children’s Hospital in New Orleans, and a STYX concert, all with legitimate press passes. Can anyone say interview with Aaron’s Dream Team member Charlee?

You say your favorite movie is “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”? Why, I just happen to have a copy of the shooting draft and a Charlie Kauffman action figure, plus I’ve had children tell me I look like Jim Carrey!

Check in with us as we’ll be posting as frequently as possible throughout the weekend. We hope you’re ready for gratuitous use of our first-ever tag, “the worst idea ever”.

And by “worst”, we naturally mean “best”.

After several disgruntled Chicagoans basically asked "what in the holy hell happened to the Rush's clock management?" TC and yours truly elbowed in with a 1-2-3 combo of deft AFL inquiries:

J (Chicago, IL): Gary, do you think the Rush would have had a better chance of winning over San Jose if they'd taken D'Orazio out before his back crumbled like feta cheese? 

 Gary Horton: (4:14 PM ET ) Well, that's a great question and obviously our first reaction would be that they probably should not have played D'Orazio, based on what he looked like physically. But that's such a tough call for a coaching staff. He's been your guy all along. He wants to play and he has a great on the field relationship with Bobby Sippio. I'm sure there's some second guessing now in looking back. But it could be that D'Orazio is so competitive that he talked them into believing that he was healthier than he was.

Verily. If I had to choose between a crippled shell of a man that threw three picks and was having trouble standing up straight and a healthy QB with loads of experience that I've publicly lauded as being much more than a backup QB, I'd probably leave the gimp in for half the game, too [not to get into stats, because TC hates that, but Michna played very well in the second half for Chicago]. Maybe Coach Ho watched Any Given Sunday the night before the game? Also, feta cheese joke: not my strongest.

TC (Chicago): Are you shocked and appalled by the fact that Columbus is representing their conference in the Arena Bowl, or are you just shocked?

 Gary Horton: (4:17 PM ET ) Shocked would be putting it mildly. I thought the best two teams in the AFL were Dallas and Georgia and Columbus beat them both on the road. Neither game was a fluke. I just think they're a team that peaked at the right time. They played almost error free football in the playoffs. They probably got Dallas and Georgia when neither one probably played their best game. But that may be a little bit of a tribute to the Columbus defense also. I fully expected Dallas or Georgia to be playing San Jose or Chicago. We only have one of those four teams in the AFL championship. It now makes for a great David and Goliath scenario.

Grampa often speaks in sentence fragments, and clearly plagarized our David and Goliath comparison, because there is no way that someone would think of that particular story when discussing a 7-9 team playing for the title.

Mike (Chicago): Do you get the impression that no-one is on the same page on the Columbus bench? I can't figure out how a team that is so completely out of sync managed to knock off arguably the two best teams in the league. I'd have the same reaction if Detroit beat San Diego, Indianapolis, and New England in a three week streak.

 Gary Horton: (4:19 PM ET ) To be honest, you're bringing up a point that I really haven't noticed. That's very interesting. I'm going to make a couple of calls and get some opinions on the demeanor on their bench. I know the team is getting some great production from their QB Nagy to their WR Groce. Their defense is playing well. Probably the thing that impresses me the most is that they don't make a lot of silly mistakes and they force you to beat them. They don't beat themselves, which makes your point very interesting, because those are not the attributes of a team that has chaos on the sidelines.

Woah. The only thing more amazing than the fact they decided to call me "Mike" is that he didn't really pick up on constant debacles on their bench where Nagy appeared to either be in complete contention with Coach Skip Walrus Brimley Foster or no-one seemed to have any plan at all. I caught part of the Columbus-Georgia game when Nagy was being interviewed by the booth, and as he grabbed his helmet to take the field, he was asked what their game plan was, and he said something to the effect of "I dunno, we'll figure it out when we get out there". Maybe he's been watching a lot of Any Given Sunday too. Also, we think it's pretty cool we stumped Grampa. Awesomesauce.

What's in store for Grampa's chat next week? Given that nothing new is happening this weekend, probably more of the same. Maybe he'll answer my query of whether or not he thinks the soon-to-be-out-of-work Michael Vick will show up (with Marcus in tow) to the AFL Combine on the 28th.

Full disclosure: this live blog is coming to you more than 24 hours after the fact as I unexpectedly had to leave town and had very little access to AFL broadcasts and internet connectivity, but I've been able to keep myself in a media blackout and have no idea what happened in this game. Also on the plus side - last night I managed to prove my virility to anyone in eyesight as I won a giant stuffed cheetah after shooting the star out of a paper target using a BB gun fashioned to look like something employed by Al Capone in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. So, J wins. A giant stuffed cheetah.

Anyhow: let's see if D'Orazio is able to complete this game without the use of crutches, or if the refs break down and let him QB the game by using a golf cart on the field (prediction - they'll let him use it, but he can't drive it over 5 miles an hour).

In the locker room, D'Orazio is wrapped up like a spring roll and waddling like a duck - "No worries, I do this all the time". Yikes. James Browns' "The Big Payback" is blasting in the SaberCat's locker-room - this doesn't bode well for Chicago, given they knocked off San Jose in the playoffs last year (according to the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network).

My favorite soap star Mark "Check Out My Goatee" Schlereth is calling the game with Trey "I Look Kind of Like Matt Lauer Before His Haircut" Wingo. Fantastic. They compare the San Jose-Chicago rivalry to the one with the Colts-Patriots... whatever, I'll give it to Trey.

Bobby Sippio and Clevan Thomas have a simultaneous interview in which they're asked if they're ready to play. Both gents mumble "yeah" with a level of enthusiasm that screams "I really wish you'd interview me after I did something good on the field instead of right before the kickoff, announcer dudes."

14:24 - D'Orazio hobbles onto the field after the kickoff, and his flak jacket looks a little poofier than usual. His first pass attempt is slapped down by a San Jose defender, but an offsides penalty gives Chicago 5 free yards. A SaberCats fan that reminds me of my grandmother uses (REALLY) a ref puppet and a SaberCat puppet to mime her displeasure from her post on the sideline - she basically has the SaberCat doll hump the ref.

I. Am. Weirded. Out.

14:09 - Sippio drops an easy pass on the sideline, I blame the cowbells that apparently symbolize fanship of the SaberCats. Maybe Darren Arbet is a big fan of Blue Oyster Cult?

12:33 - Woah - in the time it took me to Google the above video, Sippio had what appeared to be a diving TD grab called incomplete after a San Jose defender knocked it from his hands following being down by contact in the endzone (lousy call by the zebras), and on the subsequent play D'Orazio over-shoots Sippio - INT. About 4 seconds after he releases the ball, D'Orazio is blindsided, but the INT isn't called back because the late hit was after the interception. I'm about to start spewing Dan-Rather-esqe backwoods platitudes about how angry this makes me as a resident Chicagoan.

12:01 - After a slight miscue for Grieb on his first pass attempt of the game, Trey says that both the QBs aren't quite playing like themselves. Which, of course, you could judge after the first pass attempt of the game. Trey obviously has played pro ball and I have not.

10:51 - Grieb throws his second-almost TD - thus far, the Chicago secondary is looking good - not letting the SaberCats get behind them. And of course, as I wrote that Grieb finds Nelson all alone mid-field setting up a 3rd and 1. The Rush make up for it by forcing a 4th and 2 - TD pass incomplete, Chicago takes over in their own territory. Since I'm watching on TC's Tivo (even though he's kicking it old school at his parent's house (?)) I don't need to watch commercials. The consumerist in me dies a little.

9:05 - Coach Ho totally doesn't look like he was hit by a car earlier in the season.

8:43 - Trey and Mark inform us that Sippio is "twisted steel / football appeal" - Trey calls out Mark on probably being up all night thinking of that little half rhyme. I'd throw up in my own mouth if they weren't right about Bobby.

7:04 - D'Orazio is not throwing so well - almost as though his back is a giant bruise - but Sippio makes an over-the-shoulder TD reception... I am amazed. "Twisted steel / football appeal" indeed - they've now uttered the phrase about three billion times. Chicago strikes first, leading 7-0.

5:58 - The Rush almost pick up a fumbled kickoff in the end zone, which would have made me feel a little better about D'Orazio hunched over like... a hunchback, I suppose. Sadly the Rush don't come up 14-0.

4:12 - Grieb makes the mistake of trying to scramble a la Steve Young and gets tossed into the boards sideways for his efforts. It seems to get him calmed down a bit, as he throws a 20-yard TD three plays later.

2:09 - I feel a lot less bad about linking to the cowbell video, as after Trey mentions that following the TD pass, the bells that had been strangely silent starting rattling again, Mark says, "as it's been said, these fans have a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!" Trey says, I swear: "Mark Schlereth, ladies and gentlemen - a poet for the 21st century". My brain is melting. PAT is good, San Jose ties it up 7-7.

:43 - Ugg. Rush WR Molden fumbles and turns it over to San Jose - D'Orazio is getting tossed around like a rag doll on the tail end of these plays - he gets hit by about three separate guys and takes a hit to his ankles, his knee, his arm, his shoulder, and his back. Maybe this is why my dad didn't teach me to follow in the footsteps of one of my childhood heros, Joe Montana.

15:00 (second quarter) - Coach Ho gives an interview to the booth following the commercial break, and when asked how long he can leave D'Orazio in there when he's taking hits like he is, Ho simply says, "Not too long, the way he's getting hit out there".

13:34 - After a long pass by Grieb, San Jose runs it in from the 2 to go up 14-7, using the "fat package" - this is funny because some of these football players, such as full backs that run in TDs, happen to be fat. On an unrelated note, TC's aforementioned roommate Ryan (The Official Yeti Roommate of It's Still Football) regales tales of his laundry situation and gracefully avoids telling me who won this game. Thanks, Official Yeti!

12:36 - Mark says D'Orazio looks like an 80 year old man out on the field - "no offense to any 80-year-old men out there" - and it looks like he won't be able to handle too much more. He just overshoots a diving Sippio. Of course, it would have been a TD.

11:43 - Time for the EA Sports Scouting Report on Matt D'Orazio!

• Needs to overcome back pain
• Tendency to hold ball
• Competitive nature

He played under Jim Tressel at Youngstown State? I say this completely without irony - this is interesting. Apparently Tressel wanted him to be a TE, so Matt transferred to Otterbein. Maybe it's just me, but I think D'Orazio looks a little small to play TE. Kind of like Devin Hester might be a little small to play WR. But that's just me.

1 0:45 - 4th and 10 for Chicago - THERE IS NO PUNTING IN ARENA FOOTBALL! Mark and Trey explain, as we have many a time before, that really, if you just try a long FG it is exactly the same as a punt. Frantz' kick is blocked - San Jose takes over on the Chicago 2. This will not go well for the Rush, especially if San Jose thinks "fat" - they do. Matt Kinsinger rumbles in for his second TD of the day, the SaberCats go up 21-7.

9:14 - San Jose's kickoff goes into the stands - the Rush take over at their own 20. Old Man D'Orazio completes the first pass for about 6. On 3rd and 3, D'Orazio wings a sure TD from his back foot - and it slips right through Bobby's hands. It's his third dropped pass on the day, so the Rush react by... adjusting Sippio's helmet? Seems to me you could just tell him to catch the ball. On the 4th down attempt, D'Orazio leads Sippio about 3 yards too far. D'Orazio hobbles back to the sideline.

5:58 - On San Jose's first attempt, Jimmy Unertl makes a huge pick - I can almost hear D'Orazio groan as he tries to stand up after just sitting down. Commercial break - Casey Kane as a nomadic herder once again. Tee hee!

5:31 - WHAT JUST HAPPENED? D'Orazio throws directly to San Jose with not a Rush player in sight, but the INT is fumbled and Chicago takes over again... and then he throws another pick in the end zone. Trey and Mark have been discussing how Matt is selfless on the field and he'll take himself if need be... I think he might take himself out after that one. Yikes.

2:51 - Under pressure, Grieb scrambles around and rather than trying to force it in to the end zone, he aims for San Francisco - completion to the stands! On the next play, San Jose gets in to the 7 for a first and goal.

1:15 - Phil Glover, a LB sometimes TE, makes a huge TD grab for the SaberCats, who go up 28-7. Not looking good for Chicago.

1:00 - Russ Michna, backup QB for Chicago, is heading in for D'Orazio. First play - he completes a 15-yard pass. Interesting tidbit - he spent some time slinging balls for the now-defunct Amsterdam Admirals. After completing another pass deep into San Jose territory, it's clear he's a journeyman. Your belated blogging guide is feeling a little better about Chicago's chances in this.

22.1 - At the time out, the HP Pavilion was blasting "Hell's Bells" - it must have gotten Michna pumped up, as he threw a bullet to Sippio in the corner of the end zone. Chicago starting to stage a comeback as they close the gap to 28-14. Russ Michna takes off his helmet and he looks about 14 years old. The SaberCat fans throw Sippio's TD ball back to the field. I giggle.

16.8 - Don't knock kickers - Frantz flings the return man into the boards to save a TD return. That was, without a doubt, the best thing I've seen thus far.

3.7 - Grieb throws the ball away after Chicago's #1 defense doesn't give him an open man - the FG attempt is wide right. At the half, it's 28-14, San Jose.

HALFTIME STRATEGY REPORT

If Chicago wants a fighting chance, they should probably leave Michna in. San Jose should encourage their fans to continue to rock the cowbells. Whoever scores more points in the second half stands a good chance to win this game. Is it me, or do a lot of these AFL QBs (I'm looking at you, Grieb) look kind of old? Are they really bald, or do the helmets just rub off all their hair?

END HALFTIME STRATEGY REPORT

In the Chicago locker room, Coach Ho gives a pretty convincing pep talk. Mark and Trey say that the Rush have a shot if their D comes up big, which, coincidentally, is more or less what Coach Ho said.

14:49 - Frantz again runs the kick returner out of bounds, and they both almost go over the wall. Mark and Trey share my enthusiasm for this particular kicker - Mark says "I'm pretty sure he's now my favorite kicker in the arena league".

13:26 - Grieb hits Nelson in the end zone for an easy TD, and San Jose goes up by three scores, 34-14. Hopefully the missed PAT comes back to bite San Jose in the keister. If you're rooting for the Rush, that is.

11:23 - Sippio pulls a major Reggie Bush at Fresno State and gets down most of the field on a short pass. Two plays later he almost pulls in a TD pass from Michna. Next play, shovel pass for a 3 yard TD, Chicago trails 34-21. Michna - looking very good. In terms of a football player. Playing well. This is awkward.

8:49 - Grieb gets sacked on the first play of the drive... am I sensing... a momentum shift?

8:00 - 3rd and 9 for San Jose - "THERE IS NO PUNTING IN ARENA FOOTBALL". It doesn't come to that, though, as San Jose gets a 1st down after a 14 yard pass.

6:59 - FUMBLE RECOVERY IN THE END ZONE! Chicago almost gave up a TD, but Alfonzo knocks the ball out of the hands of the receiver, and the Rush recover the fumble before it rolls out of the end zone (there aren't walls on the ends of the field in San Jose) and gets the touch back. Momentum shift towards Chicago? Survey says... yes.

5:37 - Trey and Mark are starting to drool over Russ Michna - his stats in the game thus far are rather good - but on the next play he underthrows his receiver.

3:57 - Sippio pulls in a chain-moving reception, and the SaberCat fans go silent. I daresay Bobby is finding his rhythm, and not a minute too soon.

2:14 - Sippio draws a pass interference and gets the Rush to 1st and goal. Sippio runs the option from under center - what? - and Alfonzo gets the TD. The PAT is good, Chicago trails 34-28, and before I can type the platitude, Trey exclaims "We got ourselves a ball game!"

1:10 - Given this is an indoor field, it kind of unnerves me every time I see a player spit on the field. It's not grass. The spit doesn't just disappear here, folks.

At the end of the third, San Jose has a 1st and 10 at their own 15, and we are looking at one hell of a 4th quarter cooking up here.

14:52 - Rodney Wright pulls down a TD from Grieb to start out the 4th quarter. Chicago loses a little momentum as the PAT is good, San Jose jumping out to lead 41-28.

14:25 - Trey refers to Mark Schlereth as "Mark Schlereth" for maybe the fifth time this game, and after a nasty tackle by San Jose's kicker, Mark says he's starting to eat his words about kickers not being football players. Just like I'm eating my words about Columbus not standing a chance against Georgia.

12:48 - Michna pulls his own Steve Young to pick up about 20 yards, and gets clobbered at the end of the run. He jumps up unscathed, but throws a INT on the next play - San Jose will take over at midfield. When I blipbloop through the slow mo Russel Athletic ad, it appears to be normal speed. TC is not here, and Official Yeti Room Mate has gone to sleep, so I have no-one to share that with but you.

10:56 - San Jose gets another TD, and the momentum is perhaps starting to shift once again. The extra point is straight down the middle, San Jose leads 48-28.

9:50 - Michna overthrows Sippio - goodbye, sure TD. By the way, I was supposed to call TC at some point during the evening, but since it's already way past our working man's bed time, I'll let him sleep. Sorry, TC. You're my buddy!

7:37 - Okay. I'll play Devil's advocate even though it hurts - what would've happened if Michna had been put in sooner? Chicago is lolly-gagging between plays. Seems to me if you want to play in the Arena Bowl and you're trailing by 20, you gots to pick up the pace.

6:27 - Sippio grabs a TD pass to shut me up. Chicago trails 48-35 after the extra point is good. With only a 13 point deficit and 6 minutes left, this could be far from over for Chicago.

6:04 - Oh dear. On-side kick is recovered by San Jose and run in for a TD that stands after the flag on the play was an offsides against Chicago. San Jose leads 54-35 after San Jose kicker Hagland tries to pass a fumbled long snap and rather than get hammered by Chicago at mid-field, flips a free souvenir into the stands.

4:43 - Chicago. You're giving me a heart attack. STOP WALKING. Trey and Mark are flipping out. Mark says the Rush could use "a little pep in their step". Sippio gets a TD pass - HURRY UP. PAT is good, 54-42. 3:18 left on the board. I'm wide awake, for the record, even though it's rather late at the moment.

3:18 - Speaking from personal experience, you can't try a lot of onside kicks late in the game. It didn't work for the Wildcats in the Sun Bowl in '05, it's not working for the Rush tonight. However, I forget that the clock never stops in this game. San Jose is going to bleed the clock after recovering the onside kick near midfield, and we're already down to 1:55 when Chicago burns their first time out.

1:55 - Uh oh. I think TC's Tivo may not have taped the end of the game. Tivo is showing about 4 minutes of recording left...

1:39 - Wow - Peters throws Grieb over the wall pretty blatantly, and Grieb lands hard on the concrete. We almost get a scuffle near the wall.

1:35 - Official Yeti Room Mate just crossed the hall to the bathroom. In his unda-wears. Hooray.

1:20 - Nail in the coffin for Chicago - Ben Nelson pulls down his fourth TD on the day, and as San Jose goes up 60-42, the Tivo runs out.

Judging by the box score, Chicago managed to get a TD in garbage time and held off San Jose, but at the final gun (I'm pretty sure they don't fire off guns in the arena league) San Jose prevails 61-49.

The SaberCats played a strong 60 minutes here tonight (by which I mean yesterday afternoon), and Grieb will give the Columbus defense a lot to deal with come Arena Bowl XXI two weeks from today. I'm a little disappointed in the Rush for not completing the comeback, and a little more disappointed I'm getting up for work in about 5 hours. It's been fun, kids. Stay in school! Respect your elders! Don't spit on indoor turf!

We're sorry, Matt Cranky Pants Nagy. Saying that you had as good a chance of beating Dallas as Dan Qualye winning a spelling bee was obviously a mistake. We're sorry we added to your crabbiness, and hope you give us some credit at ISF for adding some fuel to your ire fire. Get ready for us to do it again, because we'll be jiggered if you beat your former Force squad on the road.

SATURDAY: Columbus at Georgia, ESPN, 12pm ET.

J SAYS: Kudos to Columbus for pulling a huge upset over the Desperados. Really. Good job. This week, you're mincemeat. Georgia made the Soul O-line look holier than Pope Pius XII, or at least as holy as Carrie Underwood's publicist would like you to believe, or as full of holes as Tommy Lee's ears or Criss Angel's face (note: I don't think he actually has much in the way of piercings, but he just totally seems that way). Although my live-blog coverage of the Philly-Georgia game was Soul-centric, it was all Force, all the time. Overpowering defense, precision offense, mildly accurate kicking carried the day for Georgia. QB Chris Greisen will slap things and say 'yeah!'. Head coach Doug Plank will crush Columbus with his steely Bears-gaze alone.

TC SAYS: Columbus got help from fate last week. You can't count on that two weeks in a row. I could say the same things about Georgia this week as I did about Dallas last week, and I misplaced my faith in Philadelphia. I'm an idiot. Georgia, Georgia, Georgia. They made Philadelphia play as smoothly as the countenance of Edward James Olmos. If we're using actors in our analogies. And Philadelphia is measurably better than Columbus. The transitive property of sports insists that Columbus has no prayer. But we said that last week. Can the fury fueled by the scorn of a nation propel Columbus to two straight upsets?

THE BOTTOM LINE: (J) Just as the film Georgia Rule would have you believe (note: I know nothing about this film other than Lindsey Lohan was publicly berated for being late to set because of underage-drinking-related 'dehydration'), Georgia rules. Columbus, it's been interesting, but it's time for the Buckeye state to start dreaming of the Horseshoe and maybe not choking when it counts, like Columbus will have no choice but to do in Force territory. (TC) You know who has to gag for this game to be won by Columbus, right? Chris Griesen, on his pregame meal. Also most of the defensive players for Georgia. Last week just goes to show you that anybody can win in any week in the AFL, because there are enough chances for weird bounces. That notwithstanding, Georgia is really talented, and Griesen's playing at the highest level. Columbus is a fine team, and they can get the job done if enough momentum's behind them (of note: Dallas didn't score in the third quarter last week), but it's asking a bit much to do it two weeks in a row.

J'S PREDICTION: Do you remember the part in ALIEN where Harry Dean Stanton is looking in a cargo bay and gets scared shitless by the cat, then looks up in the cables and promptly disappears? It might be something like that, except with the Destroyers (Harry Dean Stanton) and football (um, the alien, I guess... maybe the cat).

TC'S PREDICTION: I had to read that a couple times for the imagery to really do it for me. If you want to re-read J's prediction and come back to this section, I'll wait. [Silence.] Yeah. Georgia can book some hotel rooms in the French Quarter. Columbus can get eaten by aliens.

The Conference's two top seeds, in San Jose. What to say? A-OK! I can rhyme all the time. I'll stop now, I mean it. Does anyone want a peanut? Aaargh.

SATURDAY: Chicago at San Jose, 4:00 PM  

TC SAYS: Well, well, well. It looks like a win-win situation for this prognosticator. If San Jose wins, I can continue my "I Told You So" Dance, and if Chicago wins, I can do my "My Hometown Team Is the Greatest" Dance. Let's have a look - San Jose has been sturdy on defense all year (last week excepted), but nobody's been stouter on that side of the ball than Chicago. On offense, Mark Grieb has quietly put up stellar numbers with consistency, and Matt D'Orazio has made noise by virtue of his wide reciever corps. The question, then, comes down to that of D'Orazio's back, and who can keep their momentum going for four quarters? Also of concern - Chicago played on Monday, and is travelling to San Jose.

J SAYS: That plane ride from Chicago to San Jose is no picnic, my friends. It's probably about as much fun as getting a cleat in the small of the back a la Matt D'Orazio. Maybe not as much, but the point being that Chicago, although resilient, is a little banged up not counting jet-lag. They played brilliantly last week, all things considered (so I hear from TC, I was on a Hot Movie Date), but San Jose has been solid all year long. This could be the battle royale I was looking for last Sunday when Philly was systematically destroyed by Georgia.

THE BOTTOM LINE: (TC) We at ISF will brook no argument: the American Conference's two best teams are meeting on Saturday. They played in week 2, and it was a dogfight. This comes down to what unit comes down to carrying their team on its back. By all rights, this should be the best game of the season to date, as both teams need to play nearly-flawlessly to get past the other. (J) Yes, this will be the best non-wildcard game of the playoffs thus far. It could be as simple as whoever forces the first error of the game will get to go to New Orleans next week.

TC'S PREDICTION: I like Chicago's defense, but D'Orazio's back isn't getting any better, and they've only had 4 days to recover from the Los Angeles game, which was pretty physical. This game's going to be decided in the 4th, and the healthier, more rested team is going to have the advantage there. It grieves me to say it, but San Jose moves on. No! I can't! I must pick the Rush! Aaaagh. San Jose Chicago San Jose The SaberRush The Ru...Cats... Football wins, in a nailbiter. My nerves are shot, just trying to pick.

J'S PREDICTION: Hmm... it's tough to call, but I think San Jose's defense might get the best of D'Orazio's pulsating lower back, but I'm not so sure I can call it against the hometown team. I'm picking San Jose with the hope that Sippio proves me wrong. And maybe answers a friendly phone call every now and again.

Welcome to ISF's continuing coverage of the AFL playoffs - tonight, the previously-maligned-turned-J's-favorite Philadelphia Soul at the Georgia Force. After both head coaches declared victory would come with 60 minutes of intensity and Jaws walked on the field in jeans and a polo that ranks one step above flip flops and swim trunks, Georgia starts out the game by returning the opening kickoff for a TD. As a qualified individual that watched both the NCAA BCS championship game and last year's Super Bowl, I predict this will not go well for Georgia.

...And I spoke too soon. On Philly's second snap of the game, Graziani launches a bomb (as he's sacked) to Larry Brackins in the end zone, who not only fails to catch the TD pass, but lets Georgia come up with an INT. If JBJ is in the house, the double bird can't be more than a few minutes away.

After the commercial break, commentators Ray Bently and Dave Pasch (is this the new first string for ESPN2? I feel like it's been ages since I've heard the siren call of Trey Wingo) use a bunch of stats (note: TC will call me a sissy if I discuss actual statistics) that Georgia is very, very good (the comedy rule of three says I should use a parenthetical to end this sentence).

Georgia's second play of the game, Derek Lee (not of Wrigley fame) catches a long bomb from The Scrappy Chris Greisen. Georgia leads 14-0. Either Dave or Ray says that Philly needs to "circle the wagons" to get back into the fight, after which Graziani completes a pass to the state of Mississippi. Sissy Statistic Alert: Philly has the second-most regular season turnovers of any team in the playoffs, but I suspect this is in part due to the brassy Interim QB Juston "SLING IT" Wood.

Dang - I forget how big Wes Ours is. He's like the boulder in beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark with legs. Ours' catch sets up a TD pass to James for Philly, who trails only 14-7 after the PAT - Graziani is really calm in his post-TD interview, saying it's still early in the game. In the amount of time it took me to write the previous sentence, Georgia scores yet again via a quick shuffle pass to Bergeron, but they clang the extra point, extending their lead 20-7. The alarm alerting me my laundry is ready to go into the dryer goes off, and I suspect that by the time I get back from the basement Georgia could be so far ahead that I'll see a combination of cheerleaders, Mildly Freakish Mascot Blu, and small children taking the field against Philly.

Getting back just as the first quarter ends, I'm shocked to see the score is the same - turns out I don't know as much about the AFL as I thought. Since I've been in a media blackout since Saturday, I flip over to ESPN to see the final tally of yesterday's games. ...WHAT. THE. HELL. I must be in the Twilight Zone or a Frank Capra movie. COLUMBUS beat DALLAS? Okay. I officially know nothing about this league, after you take away THERE IS NO PUNTING (has yet to be uttered this game) and THE GOAL POST IS VERY NARROW (mentioned twice). Not that I was planning on it, but I won't quit my day job.

UPDATE: THE GOAL POSTS ARE VERY NARROW is mentioned a third time as Philly converts a FG, bringing the tally 20-10. Also, it turns out the footage I saw of Jaws on the field with his guys was because there was fist fight on the field prior to the game - it looks like Philly DB Eddie Moten (?) was just decked by some Georgia players taking the field. Regardless of whether or not it was Moten (UPDATE: it was, and he was talking a little trash), he draws some Georgia blood by picking up a fumble deep in Georgia territory shortly after the replay of the fight. I'm beginning to think these live blogs go much better when TC and I tag-team it up - as much fun as it is regurgitating what's happening play by play, I'd rather discuss Graziani's absurdly loud hard count, which he just used to perfection to bring some lineman offsides - too bad it was his own. Philly settles for a field goal, 20-13, and I giggle as I imagine Tony in the new ISF running gag, Careers Poorly Suited for Graziani's Hard Count: this episode - Midwife ("IT'S TIME FOR YOUR FORMULA! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?")

Georgia Coach (of the Year) Doug Plank, for whom the Bears' 46 Defense was named after by Buddy Ryan, briefly gives an in-game interview, saying that defense in the AFL isn't given enough credit. Ray and Dave agree, then completely ignore the comments after Doug goes back to coaching.

Bergeron gets his third TD of the game off a nasty tipped pass, putting Georgia up 27-13. Considering it was Philly that tipped it into Bergeron's arms, I think Plank's stock footage of laying down hits for the Bears is most likely going to be the best defense I see for the rest of the game.

Graziani gets NAILED as he throws. He's not getting up. I think Philly's 2007 season may have just ended.

Leon Murray goes in for Graziani, and Wes Ours goes down so hard my beer just spilled. Tony's looking like he might go back in, and I think of Minnesota Twins favorite Brad Radke, who pitched through the end of last season with an arm held in place by chewing gum and chutzpah. It's 4th and short for Philly - THERE IS NO PUNTING. Tony's pass is incomplete. The Georgia fans have something better than lame thundersticks - buckets with handles glued to the side and drumsticks. Surprisingly, STOMP is not a sponsor of the Force.

From 4th and short near the goal, Georgia's offensive coordinator calls on Greisen (who looks kind of like Hayley Joel Osment in a football helmet?) to run a yo yo, like he's calling a trick play on par with the one in Rookie of the Year when they fake out a base runner with the rosin bag. Greisen makes his way out to the huddle, then suddenly runs back to the sideline and asks if he should run an option. Greisen gets the go-ahead, and runs in the easy TD. As the Force widens the gap to 33-13, it looks like this one may already be over.

At the 1-minute warning, I'm putting in my Way Too Early Arena Bowl XXI Prediction: Georgia and San Jose. I'd like to point out that so far in the playoffs, I've called a full 3 of 6, so I wouldn't put too much stock in anything I have to say, unless it's about Brett Dietz being very interesting.

As Graziani gets hit for the sixth time, he throws a pick, but it's ruled as a late hit and offsets a blatant face-mask by Larry Brackins. With 31 seconds left in the half, we'll see maybe only four more scores. Didn't intend the Lincoln-esqe alliteration there - my bad. Graziani makes up for a third down pass to the Philly bench by completing a pass down to the 10.

Tony connects with Jerry Jones for a TD with 9.4 seconds left on the board, the extra point is blocked - barring a TD bomb from Georgia, Philly will go into the half trailing by two TDs, which they could make up. In our time, we've seen crazier things happen in this league. Such as a team based in Texas totally blow at the game of football.

The Sunday Night Injury Bowl continues as WR Troy Bergeron, who's been solid for Georgia all season long, has a grown man fall on his knee. This reminds me why I did nerdy stuff in high school, and continue to do such activities to this day, like play slow-pitch softball, which led to a knee injury two weeks ago when a less-than-nimble second baseman fell on my knee as I slid into the bag. So, clearly, my life decisions have done nothing but benefit my physical health. Philly gets to the half just barely preserving a two-TD defecit, following 33-19.

HALFTIME STRATEGY DISCUSSION IN MY OWN HEAD:

"What I said the last playoff game with Philly involved applies here as well."

/HALFTIME STRATEGY DISCUSSION IN MY OWN HEAD

Within the first 4 minutes of play in the third, Graziani gets Philly within the Georgia 10, then throws a pick, and Greisen lobs a TD pass to Chris Jackson, but Georgia bounces the PAT off the upright. It's 39-19, and Philly's going to have a very hard time getting back in the game if their O-line can't keep Graziani on his feet. Surprise - as I typed the previous sentence, Tony's knocked to the turf again, this time one of the DT's lands on Graziani's leg. This is the ninth time Graziani has been knocked down - for some reason I can't help but think of David Carr's career with the Texans.

In the amount of time it takes me to take a leak, Philly scores - 39-26. I have no idea how they pulled this off, but I suspect it involved Graziani being on his feet for more than three consecutive seconds after the snap.

Philly almost picks off Greisen on two consecutive plays? Am I seeing a little defense? In arena ball? A hard count pulls Soul DL #98 Bryan Save off the line, and Jackson pulls in a Force TD two plays later, so I guess the answer is no. The 2 point conversion fails (yay, a little defense!), Georgia leads 45-26 as the third begins to wind down.

Listening to Graziani's mic on the Wired Up montage of his hits throughout the game (also, we got to see three angles of his arm getting mangled earlier in the season), I am amazed that not once does he scream out an expletive. I usually curse at something as minor as the presence of clouds in the sky or cream cheese in my sushi, so I'm naturally impressed at Tony's ability to keep his cool when his shoulder is forcibly taken out of its socket. At the end of the third, Philly is in Georgia territory, still behind 45-26.

Larry Brackins starts out the fourth quarter by pulling down a TD and Philly closes the gap to 12, 45-33. Philly almost recovers a fumble on the kickoff return, but the returner as ruled as down, so Philly doesn't have the ball at the Georgia 10. Jackson scores a TD on the next play, Georgia misses the PAT, but the Force lead by 18, 51-33. The hope I had for Philly to get back in the game goes as quickly as it came, like the slap bracelet fad in 1996.

Force DL Mike Sutton is on my good side after he helps Graziani up after he gets knocked on his ass yet again. Two plays later on 4th and 10, he gets hit again and can't make the completion. Sutton takes him down after he got rid of the ball, so Sutton is back to neutral in my book. Georgia takes over on Philly's 10, and on the second play Jackson gets his 3rd TD of the half - the extra point is (surprise!) good, Georgia's lead increases to 25 with the scoreboard reading 58-33 in their favor. With a scant 8:45 left in the game, that could very well have been the nail in the coffin of Philly's season.

...I spoke too soon - the ensuing kickoff takes a huge bounce and Georgia recovers at their own 5. That was the nail in the coffin, as I'm pretty sure Georgia will be able to go up by another TD on this possession. They get it on the second down. The PAT clangs in, and Georgia has almost doubled up on Philly, 65-33. I'm a little disappointed for Philly, but I can't say I'm surprised.

Chris Greisen's Wired Up montage shows us that he likes to pound things and say "Yeah!" - it's almost like watching that one frat guy at a party that is having a blast, or he's Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer:

Something I've always found a little odd about football is that when there is little to no doubt about who's going to win, the losing team manages to get a good drive in - Larry Brackins pulls down a TD, and after the failed 2 point conversion, the Soul have chipped away at their deficit, 65-39. All they need is to recover four onside kicks in 2:21, and they'll walk away with the W.

With only two minutes left in the game, I feel like I can take a quick bathroom break without missing too much. Except maybe of the end of the game - time me!

And, that's it. Graziani gets a kiss from who I presume is his mother on the sidelines - a touching moment (completely serious here) as Graziani carried the Soul throughout this season, and showed some real brass staying in this game after getting knocked on his can constantly today. Kudos to Georgia, who dominated this game from start to finish. Kudos to JBJ, who wasn't caught on camera being obscene for a full 60 minutes. Tune in tomorrow night when TC takes the reins as the rickety Rush host Sonny Cumbie and the Avengers, the outcome of which will determine what TC decides to do with the rest of his life.

 I'm calling this game the "Where Should TC Live?" Bowl. Metropolitan areas that both of the ISF editors are familiar with to some degree face off on Monday Night. This'll probably be the game we "live"blog, too, as TC has a wedding to go to and assorted other dorkitude to attend to this weekend. And J has a date.  <Full House Studio Audience> ooooOOOOooo.... </Full House Studio Audience> ANYWAY.

MONDAY: Los Angeles at Chicago, 8:30PM ET. ESPN2 (If you're curious.)

TC SAYS: This game makes me nervous, as a fan of the Rush. The Rush are the ricketiest of the 4 bye-provided teams, and the Avengers are probably the most solid of the other four, with the possible exception of the Soul. The win over Utah last week shouldn't have surprised anyone (AHEMJoeAHEM), but they showed surprising resilience on the defensive front and capitalized on five Utah turnovers. Chicago was pretty banged up in the week 14 loss to the Avengers, but they rattled off three straight impressive-ish wins, and then had a week off. Hohensee used most of the bye week lightly, in order to keep everyone healthy, and that's good for Matt D'Orazio, because it means Bobby Sippio is at-or-close-to 100%. The Rush had DeJuan Alfonso and Jeremy Unertl named to the All-Arena team. Jeremy was also named to the All-Needs-A-Vowel-Or-Two team.

J SAYS: Good call on Utah losing, Friday Morning QB. Likewise, I'm a little nervous for the Rush's prospects - Bobby Sippio's Bear-Claws can only carry the Chicago so far, and if LA surprises All State Arena with a little defense, it could be a long night. Also, you can't write off LA QB Sonny Cumbie - he does have "all the clubs in the bag".

THE BOTTOM LINE: (TC) Matt D'Orazio isn't as fidgety as Joe Germaine, and Bobby Sippio salvages most of the mistakes he does make. Utah wasn't a good defensive team this year, and Chicago is. Sonny Cumbie has been good, but erratic. They'll make the game interesting, but that's probably the best they can hope for. (J) Chicago is a stronger team than Utah overall, but they'll have to dig deep to keep a comfortable lead in this one. LA shouldn't be written off, especially since they surprised Georgia in an upset victory last month. If Chicago's D shows up strong, though, D'Orazio and Sippio should be able to keep LA in check.

TC'S PREDICTION: This might be close, but a healthy Chicago means they should control this game. Los Angeles can't afford to make any mistakes if they want to stay in this one.

J'S PREDICTION: TC will most likely decide to stay in Chicago if he bases his life decisions off a football game. Which didn't work out so well for this guy.

Muppet-esqe mascots with measles agree [JESUS CHRIST, that's terrifying! -TC]: Sunday's game between Philadelphia and Georgia could be, dare we say, exciting? Maybe we'll just settle for "probably better than the previous games previewed".

SUNDAY: Philadelphia at Georgia, 7pm ET.

J SAYS: When Philly has Tony Graziani at the helm, the Soul look as good as anyone on the field, except of course for the Soulmates. As we learned in his scouting profile, Graziani "has all the throws" and a "lightening release", not to mention a deafening hard count that either draws the defense offsides or kills birds in mid-flight (Tony would be great as a caretaker for the elderly - "IT'S TIME FOR YOUR SPONGE BATH, MR. CURMUDGEON"). However, Georgia has been dominant since the beginning of the season. QB Chris Greisen is good enough to pull a Kurt Warner, receivers Chris Jackson and Tony Bergeron are two of the AFL's best (I know, I know, statistics are for pussies), and Georgia is hosting tonight's game. I'll take drunken southerners over denizens of the City of Brotherly Love any day of the week, unless Santa Claus is involved.

TC SAYS: I really like Chris Griesen. He got the crap audibly kicked out of him in the Philly/Georgia game in Week 6, shook it off and continued to throw daggers. If he's not the next quarterback to make the jump to the NFL, the he's the next AFL lifer, and I think his counterpart across the field this week, Tony Graziani, would agree that there are worse things in life than playing a game you enjoy and getting paid (if not handsomely, then at least consistently) for it. J's got an excellent point in that Philadelphia is a team of winners with Tony Graziani ("I REALLY LIKE YOU BUT I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE!") at the helm, and a team of strangers when he's not. They're not as dominant as, say, Grampa Gary expected them to be at the top of the season, but they're certainly a dangerous team. Since Graziani came back, they've lost to Dallas by three, and to Tampa Bay's Dietz Machine. Soooo...

THE BOTTOM LINE: (J) Not to knock on Philly, but Georgia can be overwhelmingly dominant. The Force won't make the errors that killed Orlando when they played Philly last week, and as good as Graziani is, he may be hard-pressed to keep up with Greisen. We may get treated to a few more JBJ double birds this weekend. (TC) The only team that was ever going to be a challenge to the Dallas/Georgia dominance in this conference: Philadelphia. This one's a-gonna be a duel.   

J'S PREDICTION: Even though Philly will stay in the game, Georgia will be in control from the start to finish. Lucky for us, Jaws' tears grant immortality and the uncanny ability to break down game tape.

TC'S PREDICTION:You know what? I think this'll be the only upset this week. That's right, I'm going out on a limb and saying The Scrappy Chris Griesen's season ends on Sunday. And that's a shame, because he seems to be a sturdy fellow. These are the best kind of predictions, because if I'm right, hey, I'm right! If I'm wrong, the team I also like still won!

Someone on the Googles has been looking for it. ISF is proud to deliver: The Official "It's Still Football" Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket!

Click above to print it off! Start an office pool! Impress your friends! The Official "It's Still Football" Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket features several lines, many letters of text, and four, count 'em, four poorly-edited photos of varying digital quality! The Official "It's Still Football" Crap-Tacular AFL Playoff Bracket will guide you through all seven games remaining in the 2007 season, right up to the moment John Elway stages his coup and re-brands the AFL as NFL Junior (TM)*.

Believe it or not, as crap-tacular as this bracket is, the amount of time I put into making it was equal to three viewings of Any Given Sunday, which translates into one viewing of a Cleveland Indians game with Betancourt on the mound, or one-half viewing of a NASCAR "race". So, you know, enjoy the crap-tacular-ness.

*John Elway staging a coup to rebrand the AFL into the NFL Junior (TM) is nothing but Unsubstantiated Gossip (TM).

UPDATE: Googlers, if you're looking for the bracket for ArenBowl XXII brought to you by Virgin Mobile, click here.

 

Last weekend's games were exciting and dramatic! This weekend's games look to be a little less so! Will the top two seeds in each conference remain intimidating, or are major upsets afoot!?! (Hint: no.)

SATURDAY: Columbus at Dallas, 8PM ET.

TC SAYS: I'm not going to use any "stats" in this one. Stats are for sissies. I may not use any "facts," beyond the one that says Dallas lost but once this year, and has looked like assassins in doing so. Columbus' quarterback and offensive coordinator don't seem to get along. I executed some precision TiVoing to get that conversation verbatim, by the way. If Seth Marler hadn't gone all Xavier Betitia in the last 5 minutes, we'd be having a much more interesting discussion about Brett "Dammit, I'm From Kentucky, I Only Played In Finland" Dietz vs. Dr. Clint "I'm Sorry, I Have Trouble Hearing You Over My Cheering Fans" Dolezel. But noooooo. Instead we get Cranky Matt Nagy stomping his foot ineffectually as Dallas DBs run in the other direction with the ball.

J SAYS: Verily. This is a classic David and Goliath story minus David, Goliath, and slingshots with rocks. Stats are for sissies, you say? You are right. J'S JAWS-LIKE REFERENCE OF MEANINGLESS STATISTICS: Columbus was the only team to make it into the playoffs with a losing record (7-9). Also, the fact that I was cock-blocked in Nagy's SportsNation chat a while back doesn't bode well for the Destroyers.

THE BOTTOM LINE: (TC) I don't think Columbus has a prayer. Dallas has made next to no missteps all year, is led by a veteran with an outstanding supporting cast, and - most importantly - hasn't been caught by the Magic ESPN Microphones getting into catfights with his coaches. (J) When I think about Dallas playing a football game, I get all tingly and goose-pimply. When I think about Columbus playing a football game, I get bowel obstructions.

TC'S PREDICTION: The only source of drama is whether or not Dr. Dolezel will also sleep with Matt Nagy's wife/significant other/sister. His prescription: scoring.

J'S PREDICTION: The only source of drama is how many times Dr. Dolezel will sleep with Matt Nagy's wife/significant other/sister. And whether Brooke (below) will be in the mix (yes, she will).

Oh, and to make up for the potential dullness of this game, I need to share Dallas' representative to the Aaron's Dream Team:

(TC) Brooke, I cordially invite you to sleep with me immediately see The Order of the Phoenix with me next weekend when it comes out.

(J) Brooke, I cordially invite you to move into my apartment play naked Twister re-enact the "Call On Me" video a fine dinner of sushi and screening of the Director's Cut of Donnie Darko.

The playoffs have arrived. Are you ready for the action? Are you ready for the drama? Are you ready for Jaws to perform in-depth game tape analysis while wearing casual-Friday attire?

Here's our opinion of this weekend's games, presented in a totally hip-n-fresh point-counterpoint format (in real-time!), which will be all the more fun because we'll probably agree with each other on every game.

SATURDAY: Colorado at San Jose, 3pm ET.

J SAYS: On paper, both San Jose and Colorado are pretty similar - the SaberCats have only netted about 200 yards of offense more than the Crush have during the regular season, they have roughly the same number of turnovers, their uniforms appear to be inspired by the WAC conference.

The difference in this game, though, is (surprise!) the play at QB. For San Jose, Mark Grieb has averaged a completion percentage of 71%, compared to John Dutton's 60.9%; Grieb has 99 TDs for the season, Dutton a trifling 80. Holy shit. I'm talking stats. This is disgusting.

TC SAYS: Regular season storyline of note: Damien Harrell is considered a Reasonable Bobby Sippio Facsimile, or perhaps vice-versa. In 2006, Damien Harrell set the AFL record for recieving TDs. This year, in both C/Rush bowls, Harrell was even with - one could even make the argument that he outplayed - Sippio, in two duels of the AFL's star wide recievers. Neither of those games were won by Colorado.

THE BOTTOM LINE: (J)San Jose clinched their division with a 13-3 record and outscored their opponents by a net 251 points this season while Colorado limped to the playoffs with an 8-8 record, and were outscored by 65 points on the year (dammit, more stats - sorry!). Colorado, who traded blows with a mediocre Kansas City and won possibly in part due to a late-game fumbled snap, is playing San Jose, who is anything but mediocre, at home. (TC) Yeah, we're probably going to agree on a lot this weekend. So, I'm goign to digress: Colorado's backup QB is Former Purdue Whatever-The-Opposite-Of-Standout-Is QB Brandon Kirsch.  Who is notable for - according to those in the know - being a legend in his own mind, and subsequently forgoing his senior season at Purdue for no rational reason whatsoever. It also gives me the opportunity to reminisce about the year that the Purdue team was portrayed as comic book heroes. Including - and I didn't notice this until now - one section of the marching band.

J's PREDICTION: San Jose is going to walk away with this one. Elway will be able to spend his free time next weekend figuring out how to stage a coup and make the AFL into the NFL's minor league.

TC's PREDICTION: San Jose in a walk you say? Pretty much. I'm thinking that this week begins my triumphant "I Told You So Tour," as San Jose has been rocking my face off since Week... 7? I think? Mr. Chairman, I yield the remainder of my time to my collegue.

Start about 3:00 in. As if you've never seen this.

[Editor's note: don't get all pissed off by this post. This is called 'satire']

I'm not sure how, but apparently, a Google of one sort another led a regular contributor to an NFLE Amsterdam Admirals message board... here. The text next to the link to our humble blogging abode: "Staan veel links op de site naar AFL." Which, according to Babel Fish, means "To stand much left on the site to AFL." Perfectly clear. Does anyone speak Dutch? We'd love to know if our bump in traffic was friendly, like when Disney invaded France, or hostile, like... when Disney invaded France.

Anyhow, I have a few questions for our sadly-now-without-a-football-diversion dictators:

• So... do y'all speak English?
• Did we do anything good for you in WWI or WWII?
• Is everything we heard about Amsterdam in Pulp Fiction true?
• Is rooting for the Turku Trojans an acceptable substitute in your post NFLE world?
• Can we refer to you as "Danish overlords" too, or does that mean we've been taken over by pastries?

Anyhow, our condolences on your loss, but at least you can make a trip to London this fall to see a battle between two NFL powerhouses. By which I mean the Miami Dolphins and the New York Giants.

Actually, both of those teams could probably get rocked by the Berlin Thunder (2-8, 0-5 at home). Which, incidentally, is where Travis Lulay ended up, since you asked.

Happy 4th of July, by the way. Go America.

Some thoughts on ball control, and specifically Kansas City's final-drive-lack-there-of, after the jump:

The Colorado Crush, to their credit, put up a lot more of a fight than I previously predicted they would (I believe I wrote something to the effect of "Raymond Philyaw, He Who Looks Suspiciously Similar to Byron Leftwich, Shall be Showered in Petals of Rose and Felated by Serfs as he Launches His Ball as, His Seed, Deep into the Endeth Zone for Easy Righteous Victory and Expensive Paternal Lawsuits") as the Crush jumped out to an early 13-0 lead. Philyaw found a rhythm (or whatever it is you 'find' to 'stop blowing') on offense, by half time, the score was 28-23, Kansas City ahead by 5.

Colorado QB John Dutton and WR Damien Harrell (that upstanding young gentleman pictured above) connected late in the 3rd to put Colorado up by 6, and the Crush managed to maintain a lead through most of the 4th quarter, until Brigade DB Kenny Mcentyre pulled off a pick-6 to tie the game up at 42. Dutton and Harrell connected again to go up by 7, but made the classic NFL Blitz error of leaving too much time on the clock for Kansas City to score and either tie it up or go for 2 and the win.

With 9 seconds left on the clock, Kansas City within the 10, poised and ready to keep the Brigade in the game - fumbled snap. The ball skitters across the field like pig parts on the freeway from an overturned garbage truck, and Philyaw jumps on the ball and desperately starts signaling for KC's final time out at 5 seconds. The clock stops at 2. Just as there is NO PUNTING and VERY LITTLE RUSHING, there are NO VIDEO REVIEWS in the AFL, so Kansas City has one shot from midfield, instead of maybe 2 had the clock stopped at 5 seconds.

Rather than opt for the Off-The-Net-Hail-Mary, KC sends its receivers on various routes to the endzone, Philyaw zeros in on WR Anthony Hines who has a half-step of separation on a deep flag in the end zone. Philyaw gives him a beautiful throw, down and away, so it's either Hines or nobody. Hines is able to get his hands on it - but that scrappy WR/DB John Q. Nobody comes up with the catch. Kansas City loses at home, Colorado moves on to a sure-loss against San Jose next Saturday.

Hang on to the ball. Hines not catching the game-tying TD pass (assuming the PAT was good, which is never a sure thing in the Arena league) is understandable, but the bad snap before it? It looked like me this past winter for an annual game of snow football when I tried to QB while wearing wet leather WR gloves (which, coincidentally, made me look like Sexy Rexy in the Super Soaked Bowl as well - it's what I deserve for wearing a kicker's jersey in a game of snow football)(Robbie Gould's, since you asked wise-ass), which, needless to say, did not work out so well. Isn't beating the elements why you play indoors in the first place? Aside from the novelty of playing an outdoor sport indoors, that is.

Overall, kind of a sloppy game on both sides of the ball - a total of five turnovers and almost 150 yards worth of penalties illustrates the fact that neither of these teams would advance far in the playoffs (prove me wrong, Colorado - I dare you). A sad loss for the on again/off again KC Brigade. If the Brigade Girls need consoling, please hit us up on the tipline. Hats off to John Dutton, who overcame 2 picks to lead the Crush to a narrow win. Also, credit has to go to John Elway - John Madden Hybrid Head Coach Mike Dailey, otherwise we don't have an excuse to post his picture and comment on how he looks like a hybrid of John Elway and John Madden.

Well, that or just John Elway with a John Candy appetite.

Likewise your other co-editor needs to apologize for a lack of activity around here heading into the playoffs. I blame a very busy work week/weekend capped off by a mid-week trip to San Diego - which ended with yours truly waking up at 5:30 to catch a flight, which would have been a painless venture had I not woken up drunk and naked with cartoons blaring from the television. Needless to say, the AFL ranks a little lower on the Priority Ladder than trying to not be drunk and naked in San Diego.

Anyhow, we have four games this weekend - exciting match ups between teams that limped through the regular season, playing somewhere between "acceptably decent" and "somewhat reminiscent of slightly more than mediocre".

ESPN is likewise so excited for the weekend's games that in addition to Monday Night (Arena) Football on ESPN2 (Utah vs. Los Angeles), Philly versus Orlando is on ESPN Friday night, and Saturday's action is the afternoon lineup on ESPN. You can also catch the games on tape delay on ESPN at 2am if you're not in the mood to spend the first weekend of July indoors. Looks like I'm dusting off the ol' VCR.

FRIDAY: ORLANDO vs PHILADELPHIA

Squads JBJ and Other Gruden only squared off once this season, but when they did, Orlando was rolled up like an illegal substance and smoked by Philly, courtesy of a non-mangled Tony Graziani, who led the Soul to a 63-49 victory. Why is this important, you ask? Because it was last week. PREDICTION: Philly advances, we lose our Other Gruden jokes for the rest of the year.

SATURDAY: COLUMBUS AT TAMPA BAY

By the numbers, these teams are on the same level. Take into account the glory and majesty of Turku Trojans veteran Brett Dietz, who led the Storm to an 8-1 record since suiting up (including a win over Philly), and what we have to look forward to is a good ol' fashion beat down. PREDICTION: Dietz' first game was against Columbus, a narrow win of 34-32.  This one will not be that close.

COLORADO AT KANSAS CITY

Raymond "SillyName" Philyaw won 4 of the Brigade's last 5 games of the season - but the final game was a crushing loss at the hands of the Chicago Rush. Regardless, KC has the home field advantage (they routinely draw more fans than the Royals)(I have no idea if that is actually true, but it wouldn't surprise me) and Colorado is on a 4-game skid. PREDICTION: Colorado beat Kansas City both times they met in the regular season, but it was by margins of 4 and 3 points. Saturday's W is going to the home team.

MONDAY: UTAH AT LOS ANGELES

When the dust settles from this shootout, it's altogether possible that the game will be decided by whoever scores last (insert your own "bad at scoring"/"mediocre at sex"/"AFL < NFL when it comes to picking up strippers" joke here). While Exploding Peep Head Joe Germaine has had flashes of brilliance for Utah, LA has had better luck staying in close games, even though LA lost 47-37 to Utah last week. PREDICTION: This one kind of beats the hell out of me. Grandpa Gary says Utah. Works for me.

Also, it looks like TC and I may attend Arena Bowl XXI after all. We'll keep you updated on how we do, as this would make the best use of our "the worst idea ever" tag to date. Even worse than trying to catch a flight out of San Diego while drunk and naked.

We've had laughter. We've had tears.

I'd go more in depth at the present moment, but (not to bitch about non-AFL trivialities such as work) I need to seriously get back to work - two nights with an extra four hours at the office, any my boss just totally caught me in the act of starting this draft. Sorry, Boss. At least I'm not across the street at the strip club [Ed. note for new readers: there is a strip club across the street from my office. I can see it from the window. Sometimes when I leave work late, there are women in minivans co-opting our parking lot like vagrants in an ATM vestibule, scowling, waiting for some poor dumb putz to wander out in a lusty-seedy haze to get slapped with a palm and divorce papers. It's fantastic. Fantastically depressing].

Before we jump into it, note that there are four teams that could get two playoff spots this week, and the various scenarios are batshit insane. By the way, I never thought I'd write this, but if Columbus wins their final game, they will clinch a spot in the playoffs. Amazing.

LAST-EVER REGULAR SEASON CMRP: Tampa Bay and Austin. Do you think I'll go with Team Brett Dietz? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Tampa Bay 72, Austin 45. CMRP hopes to finish the season with a playoff-worthy record of 9-6.

WEEKEND PILLOW FIGHT: Nashville and Grand Rapids. Should be a piece of cake for the Kats to win and clinch a playoff berth, right? Sure, except that last week Nashville QB Jeff Pole Smoker was benched after missing team meetings. Let's hope Jeff pulls his head out of his ass and gets the W for Nashville, because we'd love to have a few more weeks to call Jeff Pole Smoker "Jeff Pole Smoker".

Lastly, as an apology for missing my promised weekend coverage and in anticipation of not being able to deliver this weekend (Lumberg's gonna make me work this weekend, I can feel it), please enjoy this picture of Peyton Manning looking delightfully uncomfortable with having his photo taken with an underaged member of the opposite sex.

If you were hoping to catch ESPN2's live coverage of the Chicago Rush at the Colorado Crush tonight (the now-meaningless C/Rush Bowl, as both teams were already in the playoffs), the Scheduling Monkey that runs ESPN2-4 decided that you were going to watch the NCAA World Series, fuck you very much. Actually, from ESPN's standpoint it makes perfect sense. The NCAA Softball tournament (get 'em next year, Wildcats!) drew close to 1.7 million viewers for the final showdown between Arizona and Tennessee, whereas the AFL has been struggling to get its weekly ESPN viewership into the seven figure range. If you were willing to stay up, though, you could watch the game in its entirety on tape delay. Or in real time on ESPN 360, but seriously, nuts to ESPN 360.

Me, I turned on the tube at about 9:15, saw NCAA baseball instead of my required 2 minutes of Bobby Sippio, and figured that was as good an excuse as any to get out and have a few beers with some friends.

Oh, by the way: CMRP: I freely admit I have a man-crush on Brett Dietz. Tampa Bay 65,  Grand Rapids 45. [Update: I was right!]

Weekend Pillow Fight:  Wee, two terrible teams: Las Vegas at Los Angeles. [Update: easy win for LA, not the worst game of the weekend]

First off, my bad. I promised everyone a weekend post, and I totally failed. I spent Saturday at graduation ceremonies and playing softball in Grant Park (I turned a single into a super-scrappy double and may have sent a diminutive female 2nd baseman onto her ass, but she was totally standing on the bag), and that evening passed out as the stomach virus that incapacitated me Sunday totally destroyed my will to live, let alone my will to blog.

Though it has been quite difficult, I've managed to keep myself in an AFL media blackout, and Scout's honor, tonight I'll put together CMRP, Pillow Fight, and perhaps some quick Power Rankings, which I'll then be able to immediately report on after posting.

What I won't do tonight is watch Chicago at Colorado. They're both in the playoffs, they're both playing mediocre (which is quite the feat in the AFL, let me tell you), and frankly I'd rather clean my apartment and watch some Monday Night (Professional) Baseball, even if it is Boston and Atlanta.

Fine. I might tune in for a second or two, but only to see Sippio's bright smiling face.

Also coming soon: a ton of shout-outs and the addition of a BLOG ROLL! What is a blog roll, you ask? We have no fucking idea either, but all the cool kids are doing it.

[Edited to add: I have no excuses. -TC]

Our good friends over at ArenaFan Online agree, which prompted an interesting email conversation between TC and myself following an alert tip from our boy Jason.

Jason (to tip line, including link to Arena Fan story): You guys know about this, I presume, and are just playing coy.  

TC (to me): Alternately, we're idiots.

JFiz: There's nothing here we didn't know or write. Aside from him being a frontman for a Maroon 5 esqe band in college.

TC: Well, and he's not from Finland.

JFiz: I could have told you that, dorkface.

TC: I thought he was actually FROM Finland.

JFiz: Your mom is from Finland.*

Which led me to reflect: I suppose I never actually mentioned that he grew up in Kentucky and played at Hanover College where he kicked some fo' serious ass, but just marveled at the fact that he spent some of his time playing in Finland.

I'm sorry if I led you astray. My bad.

Error of omission on my part? Perhaps. Does this change the awesomeness that flows from Dietz like whiskey in Ireland or vomit on St. Patrick's Day? Nay.

The only downside is he'll never utter Garo Yepremian-esqe football platitudes, which in AFL terms, would probably be something like "I makes net ball!". 

*Not actually emailed.

[Ed. note: Power Rankings, CMRP, and Pillow Fight will be posted in bonus weekend coverage! (read: I am fucked at work right now) Also, apparently you can listen to AFL chattah on Sirius radio. So, yeah.]

[TC note: I really didn't know a lot of the stuff that was in that article, because I've been content to roll around like a dog in the knowledge that he played in Finland. I'm not very smart sometimes.]

[J Fiz note: because of the tremendous smirk I uttered at TC's note, everyone in my office thinks I have Irritable Bowl Syndrome.]