-I want a Detroit area phone book with the "N" section cut out, on fire in a hoola hoop

-I want an alligator hanglider

-I want sunflaps for my fluorescent windchime

-I want a kangaroo hiccup with pajamas to sing me yankee doodle dandy

I have often times heard myself during these bouts of irrationality and I will be astonished at my inability to stop. Just as I am realizing this, Geoff will ask me "do you hear yourself?" and I will say, "yes, I'm sorry and I hate it but I can't stop". It's awful, its like I have to make a negative comment about everything for like an hour and then everything is right with the world. Does that ever happen to you?

It really troubles me when something which is either illogical, irrational or of pseudoscience gets positive feedback.

To start with I’m going to refer to anything which is illogical, irrational or of a pseudoscience nature as BS to save time.

Secondly I like accurate definitions so what do I mean by BS according to the Oxford Dictionary:

Illogical: lacking sense or sound reasoning

Irrational: not logical or reasonable

Pseudoscience: beliefs or practices mistakenly regarded as being based on scientific method

The fact that BS gets positive feedback usually means it’s in a guise, usually pitched to pray on human emotions and to those who are quite happy to take things at face value and don’t require empirical evidence.

Why do I feel such discord?

I joined up to the ‘Neuroscience and Brain Studies’ and ‘Cognitive Science’ facebook groups and started  a new discussion group on each asking for recommendations on books which will give me an introduction to the brain, it’s parts and their functionality to aid me in understanding consciousness. The first response I got is and I quote “Evolve Your Brain: Joe Dispenza (he's also featured in the movie What The Bleep.)”

The first thing that came to my attention was ‘What The Bleep’, this is an abbreviation of the film What The Bleep Do We Know or more popularly known as Bleep which I saw a few years ago. It’s supposed to be about Quantum Physics and Consciousness, and how we can effects the material world with thought alone. An interesting premise but totally refutable with no scientific evidence.

I looked up Dr Joe Dispenza’s book 'Evolve Your Brain' on Amazon, it’s not out yet in the UK but in the US it has received 48 reviews with an average of 4.5 stars. As you may know Amazon also offer the ‘Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought’ options and you guessed it Bleep was there also with 1190 reviews averaging 4 stars and another Pseudoscience film/book combo, The Secret, 1679 reviews, averaging 4 stars. Note this was on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk also offers the same average for The Secret but only 3.5 stars for Bleep so that's one up for the UK.

The Secret is another film I saw a few years back, roughly at the same time as when I watched Bleep. Its premise is similar to Bleep but with the guise of The Law of Attraction. If you want something, think about it lots and it will happen is basically what it conveys. Again there is no real science involved.

Both The Secret and Bleep are well made, a lot of time and money has gone into them hence they are visually entertaining but when it comes to the crunch there isn’t any empirical scientific evidence to make me believe their convictions and I’m just left thinking it's all about the money.

Will I be reading the recommended book Evolve Your Brain?

No. In my humble opinion I think Dr Joe Dispenza is a fraud. The fact that he states “out of nowhere little things happen that are so unexplainable I know that they are the process or the result of my creation” in Bleep I can only feel bemused at the fact the he is a doctor. If you’re interested go check out his website, it’s rather eliminating.

All of this positivity coming out of pseudoscience just adds another couple of point with what’s wrong with Homo erectus, we are suckers for visual effects and we don’t question what we want to be real.

That's an irrational and ahistorical way to view a country at the strategic center of the Middle East, with some of the world's largest oil reserves. Whether or not the war was a mistake, Iraq's future is a vital U.S. security interest. If he is elected president, Mr. Obama sooner or later will have to tailor his Iraq strategy to that reality [...]

The old-thinkers at WaPo need to get a clue. Iraq is a state. The new threats are non-states, as Glen Johnson of the Associated Press reports in an article titled Obama warns against 'fighting the last war':

[...] Obama jabbed at President Bush and his Republican rival, Sen. John McCain of Arizona. "Instead of adjusting to the stateless threats of the 21st century, we invaded and occupied a state that had no collaborative relationship with al-Qaida. Instead of taking aggressive steps to secure the world's most dangerous weapons and technology, we spent almost a trillion dollars to occupy a country in the heart of the Middle East that no longer had any weapons of mass destruction" [...]

But Iraq isn't the last war. Iraq is this war.

N.

via GameSpot Forums

Now, I am unable to rationalize, identify, comprehend, or arise to any kind of hypothesis that would trigger such behavior. Does she have a mental disorder? Or, some sort of mental disease? Is it even psychological? Or, is there a physiological disorder I must diagnose and treat? What external triggers may be influential?

My only guess is a very volatile conjecture irrationally used by men and woman alike to explain the unexplainable traits of women: my wife is a woman, and therefore susceptible and at the mercy of her inner self without any identifiable causes or solutions, and without any fault or accountability of her actions thereof.

By God, “Because she’s a woman,” explains it all in a clear and concise (plain and simple) manner! With this single explanation we can now delve into the depths of feminism and unlock the secrets to humankind’s (because it is not “mankind”) salvation!

Need milk with my sarcasm? Grab a cow. There is more.

Really! Come on! I saw on 3ABN (3 Angels Broadcast Network) a one hour program solely on the explanation of the female psyche. To summarize, the nucleus of their illumination centered on a huge jumble of rubber bands that were so incredibly entangled that they formed an inseparable mass roughly the size of a large book, like those coffee table books everyone looks at the covers but never picks up because they are so big.

Let us allow women to have their cake and eat it, too, so to speak.

So, inside a woman, her brain is all jumbled together like 3ABN’s mass of entangled rubber bands. If so, that explains why my wife is like Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. On the other hand, if women are a confusing mess that not even they can sort themselves, why do we allow them so much?

They want equal rights. When given equal riots, they complain that men are no longer treating them as women but as “one of the boys,” and thus seek action (or legislation to put in more current terms). Women can open their own doors and no longer need a man to treat them as the “weaker sex.” In turn, women voice their disapproval of men losing chivalry, and find themselves hard pressed to find a gentleman, or a “good man.”

I laugh every time I tell this story because it just tickles me down to the bone.

My wife used to tell me she wanted me to love and appreciate her for who she is. You know, on the inside, her mind; more than just her body. So, over the course of the following few weeks, anytime she asked me any question about her looks I would answer, “Baby, your looks don’t matter because you’re smart, and that’s why I love you. Wear anything you want. You look fine.”

Needless to say, boiling point was reached often. Eventually, she learned that she enjoys her vanity, as well as my primal (one of many animalistic epithets men are known to be called) lust for her. Sure, I can be romantic and intellectual and not-everything-leads-to-sex. But, eventually she just finds me boring, too much like a female, or no longer within the image she holds of me. So, once again, she gets her cake, she eats it, and decides she does not like it.

Who is responsible for her naivety and discontent? I am because I am the man; held to a higher standard by all, over and above any current and preceding political correctness or socially modern criterion. However, should I have the foresight, care, and good intentions to forebode the likely consequences of her actions and provide guidance, I am ridiculed as controlling, parent-like (the “daddy” complex), and bossy. Stand aside and allow her to do as she wishes, I am again ridiculed, but ridiculed for being heartless, insensitive, and a poor leader (aka: a poor example of a man as women see it).

Well, I can’t read minds, so I will never know exactly what to do and when and how. In pursuit of not discriminating or showing favoritism, and in the spirit of equal rights for both genders, I mean it with absolute equality from the bottom of my heart when I say, “Kiss my ass!”

K-M-A, baby! That’s my motto – kiss my ass!

Like every “good man” (the term has become highly subjective and becoming quite loose in designation), I am not afraid to do as I decide best, regardless of her approval or emotional upheaval. In other words, my wife, or any other woman for that matter, can get as pissed off and rant and rave as much as she wants and I will not budge on my decision. I tell me wife that if she does not like me, or what I do, so terribly much, she should have considered my traits when we first met. In the meantime, she can decide if she wants me or someone else, and then she better act on it. Because if she just continually bitches about everything and fights me on everything, it will be me kicking her to the curb. It is rude, discourteous, and disloyal to constantly fight your man on everything, trying to prove him wrong and yourself right. If a woman is going to be that way, separate and go do your own thing. Maybe even pick up a woman for yourself.

Women are a mystery I would rather keep a mystery. Opening Pandora’s box is not something my reasoning or curiosity wishes to do, resulting in suicide. All I can do is continue letting women (my wife) do as they will – running the world within their narcissistic perfection – and continue doing as I will – walking my unyielding straight path across life with my steady stride, sometime bumping heads with on-comers or stepping on their trail of narcissistic perfections. I do not try to change a person, as one can only change under his own fruition, but I do not have to subscribe, uphold, agree, or accept another’s position. I simply agree to disagree as respectively as I am able to. Whether the other can do the same as I is something else entirely, and more often than not the other person can not and does not respectively agree to disagree.

I resolve to treat all women like children because I can not trust a woman to conduct herself and think as an adult. I have actually been using this practice for a number years, now, and it works very effectively.

Conclusion

I am no closer to understanding women.

"No, but they have shown they are quick on their feet," he responded, clicking away on his online-investing account. "I like the way they cut their losses quickly, and they are always looking for new twists to keep their customer base coming back."

We have very few investments in individual stocks; most of our money is in funds. When we do invest in individual stocks, we choose stocks we have a personal interest in, like, for me, Amazon. I read books. I buy books. It makes sense to me.

If you have ever studied decision making, you learn that people make decisions - on a personal level, on a financial level, on a national level - based on irrational criteria. We can put together a matrix, we can put together a decision-making process, we can get all the pros and cons - and when the decision has to be made, other factors come into play.

The perfect suitor, good family, good character, hard working and handsome might be rejected because you don't like his cologne.

The perfect candidate for the job, well qualified, having a magnetic personality, a great track record - may be rejected because the manager has an unidentified fear that the candidate could outshine him/her.

Nations go to war for irrational reasons. We understand rational processes - and then we bypass them.

We have a mental list of how we will rationally make a decision - and then we have the primitive brain undermining our rational choices.

Or that is how I see it.

The truth as I see it is that I am happy he bought shares in Starbucks because it is a Seattle company. I love going into Starbucks, seeing people sitting around drinking coffee, tutoring students, old folks passing the time, couples getting to know one another - on a cold, rainy day in Seattle, a cup of Starbucks tastes great. I vote for Starbucks for emotional reasons.

I have my favorites, and you never see them here in Kuwait. At Thanksgiving / Christmas, they have a Gingerbread Latte, and they have a Peppermint Mocha. I adore them.

With Ramadan coming up, they should put together a Ramadan cup of coffee, for after Ifthar, don't you think? Maybe a little cardomon in it, maybe a little cinnamon?

Part of me is worried that this person I have been talking to but have yet to meet may just up and lose interest in me. My rational side says that is not too likely, but there is always that concern in the back of my mind. Another part is worried about my apartment search, of which I have already sufficiently complained today. This one I know is irrational because just this afternoon I have found some very promising new prospects. Still, the list goes on. I am a firm believer that everything rights itself over time and the world maintains an overall balance. I wouldn't call it karma or anything... but exactly at what point do you acknowledge these concerns and stop telling yourself they are unfounded and rediculous? For me it is usually after they materalize and something falls apart or goes wrong.

Man, that comes off as sort of downer- but its true and I guess it is meant to be more of a positive statement. That is, saying that I don't give in to these irrational concerns unless they manifest themselves.  After all, it's way more fun to look at the world through rose colored glasses.

"Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore." - New Moon, 304

"Love is irrational ... The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made." - New Moon, 340

"Don't hide your mistakes, 'cause they'll find you, burn you..." - Three Days Grace

This is a common rule that many of us heard growing up, and on the surface seems like a rule that would cause no harm.  But for the person that suffers from excessive guilt about breaking this rule, it becomes a trap.

Let's say your parent or sibling always required you to put aside your needs for the needs of others.  Any attempt by you to be self-serving in a very normal, typical way resulted in injurious remarks or maybe even physical abuse.  You may have heard comments like, "How could you be so selfish and ignore your suffering mother?" or "Your brother, your own flesh and blood, needs your help on the computer and all you can think about is writing your college essay and getting into college?"  All these comments target what emotion?  Guilt.

Guilt has caused you to be excessively devoted to others at the expense of your own interests.

How does this play out in your life today?  You become a doormat to others.  You often feel exploited and unappreciated.  And what happens if you one day realize what you are doing and you hate yourself for acting so submissively to people?  You become a person who defiantly responds to all requests, reasonable or not, with "No."  And sometimes this defiant "no" results in your not doing things that you actually would have liked to do.  Although this rebellious behavior feels like you are standing up for yourself, in reality you could miss out on something that could have been a lot of fun (example- not taking your brother to a basketball game, just because your parents asked you to).  Self-defeating behavior?  You bet.

So Why Do I Do It If It Makes Me Unhappy?

You hate yourself for giving in to these negative inner rules (always be nice to others) just as you hate yourself for giving into the irrational, negative behaviors of your parents.  What does that leave you with?  Resentment?  Where does resentment take you?  To fighting against having to give into these rules, or defiance/ rebellion.  As crazy as it seems, we can be forced to adopt the very same qualities of our parents that we hate.

So How Can I Be in Control of My Life and Change this Behavior?

If you find yourself behaving in ways that you hate and feel unable to change, you're probably acting according to unconscious destructive mental rules.  How do you change these destructive rules?  It would be nice if it was as simple as scanning your brain files, just as Norton scans your computer files to rid it of viruses.  Although it isn't this simple, there are ways to make fulfillment, success, and happiness a part of your future.

There are things that you can do today, things you can carry through with tomorrow and the days to come, that will begin the process.  Do the exercise below.  It will begin to give you an idea of who voice it is you hear in the back of your head at different times and in different situations.  It will allow you to understand what you grew up hearing and how it continues to affect you today.  These underlying causes of behaviors can be changed, but only after you identify them.  By doing the exercise below you will identify some of these underlying causes and begin the process towards long-lasting change.

Exercise:

Make a list of your "Impractical Problems."  Why are these a problem?  What are the other problems that they create?  What runs through your head when you think about these problems?  Have you ever heard the message running through your head before?  Where?

One example is:

I like to watch sports on TV on the weekends.

Why is this a problem?  My wife/girlfriend doesn't like to.

What new problem does this create?  We fight, but I insist on doing it.

What bigger problem does that create?  I feel uncomfortable watching sports on TV.

What other problem does that create?  She pulls away from me.

What's running through my head?  I'm stubborn as a mule.  No one tells me what to do.

If you have any questions please post them and I will get back to you speedily.

*

I am a stray cat.

A lone creature scurrying for scraps

Of knowledge in life’s back alleys.

Midnight choruses with kindred souls

Fill the cold night with songs of restlessness.

*

Life is a stand up clock –
Where spring like emotions force
the gears upon gears
Of the human spirit to move in precision.
A strong Oak-like shell stands
hiding the tender energy within.
A face that projects only time.

*

Vague silhouettes flash by when I close my eyes…

Quick images in black & White…

Thought race fast…

Flowers burst with color…

The world is alive…

*

.

..

the unbearable lightness of Bee-ing

The bee moves knowingly,
Moving to flower from flower
Zipping through air and environment
Knowing his being
Is that of a bee. .

The bee moves unknowingly,
Trading pollen for nectar
Essence for essence
Essence for flowers
Essence for air Essence environment.

Unknowing of grand the contributing/consuming
Value of the bee.
Unknowing is the bee of the spring gales,
The gale of probability…
The gale of otherwise pleasant rainy days
That both beat down and force up flowering plants,
The gale that blows the bee violently of his course

His essence, his existence
His existence is very light.
His unknowing is very heavy
The unbearable lightness of bee-ing

.

*

One of the things I often hear about religion is that it's irrational. This is quite true. It makes claims that no-one can test or prove. But what's wrong with that?

Our society is full of irrationality that goes embraced and endorsed by so-called rationalists. Want examples? Funerals. Why on earth do we have little ceremonies when someone dies? They're dead. They don't care. How about national holidays? Is there any rational basis for those? That they bring people closer together? That's an emotional reason, not a rational one. How about teenage love? When you crush on a girl, are you logically working through the possibilities in your mind, thinking "okay, she has good future prospects, a nice family, her genes seem to be in good order" before you decide whether you want to mate with her? Of course not. Your emotions and hormones are making a decision on their own. The logical part of your brain is MIA.

Now, for the most part, rationalism is far better than irrationalism. You don't want to be irrationality in, say, the sciences. But why must we strive for rationality in, say, culture, entertainment and art? We need to remember that logic is merely a way of finding the truth, not truth itself.

And I thought I was gonna have a fantastic time, and I did...towards the end of the dance though.

See, more than anything, this dance helped open my eyes to my ego, my bravado, and how little cajones I actually have.  Which is what I'd rather not have a dance do.

For the first 2 hours, nearly, all I did was walk around with my buddies looking for potential dance partners.  The problem that presented itself was we would stand there, talking about how we would go for this group of girls, then, in a last-minute moment of cowardice, we would hesitate.  Then some other guy would take her.  I will admit that this might seem kinda normal, I mean it's bound to happen a few times right?  However, for me, it didn't merely happen a few times.  For me, I spent much of the night "looking for girls".  You might be wondering why that was in quotes.  I shall explain.  It is in quotes because, in retrospect, I don't think I was actually looking for girls.  I think I just didn't have the balls to just go to the first available person I saw.  So, as an excuse, I walked around the dance floor with really no goal except to look busy.  It was pathetic.  I mean, I came to a dance to dance, not to just walk around and watch.

I don't think I can remember how many times I saw an avaliable girl, but then just stood there trying to muster up the courage to dance with her, only to have dilly-dallied for too long and then she was taken.

And this is coming from the guy who was all talking about being the most gangster and doing gay dance moves like no tomorrow!  God damn ego.  God damn stupid bravado.  And to think I was supposed to lead by example.  Kinda pathetic, actually.

To be truthful, I'm frustrated with myself.  There's no reason to not ask a girl to dance.  If you get rejected then you get rejected.  So what?  You move on.  The best thing that can happen is that you'll have a great time.  I couldn't understand why my instincts just could not realize that.  I was held back, every single time, by irrational fear (redundant, cause fear itself is irrational).

I guess I left my balls at home.  In short, I was too shy to dance with the girls.  Yes, what the fuck is that.  My ego has shrunk 10 times smaller.  My manhood too :[

On a positive note I danced with hawt freshmen towards the end of the dance.  Yes.  That's right, I went there.  And back again.

I am at least happy that I got to dance with a few people, but the fact that I spent so much time doing nothing irks me so much.

I don't know.  Jimmy said something that rung kinda true, he said that when you think about it you start to hestitate and that fucks you up.  When you stop thinking about it and you just do it, then you're good.

There's another dance coming up, at AX.  Although the people will be different, to me it'll still just be a dance.  There will be hawt girls.  And of course, I'll be there.  Whether or not I bring my balls to the dance remains to be seen.

It is one of my summer goals to bring my balls to the damn dance.  To fucking get in there, to fucking not hesitate, to not think.  To actually spend more time dancing than time spent looking for someone to dance with.  To have a great time.

Well, he has been going through a difficult time emotionally lately. He is incarcerated at the moment. He recently attempted suicide, and had what he calls a near death experience. He believes that "God" saved him, and now he is intent on living a "good Christian life". Now religion and the bible is ALL he can talk about, and he is convinced that christianity is the "Truth". He is not even open to a different perspective. I have noticed a drastic change in him since finding religion.

He has become posessive and controlling, and he talks down to me. Just the other day I received a very upsetting letter from him. He said that if he and I were ever going to marry I would have to "accept Jesus as my savior" and live my life according to the teachings of the bible. This includes giving up my feminism and independence, because "a good christian wife is subject to her husbands authority just like I am subject to christs authority".

Women's equality is something that I feel very strongly about, and biblical teachings pertaining to women's rights go against everything I stand for and believe in. He wants me to learn to be more "submissive" and "obedient" to him.

Also, he scolded me like a child the other day when I was flirtatious with him, telling me it is a sin for me to try to "tempt him" by putting "lustful ideas and thoughts" in his head. I told him that sex is natural and healthy, and something that is part of a mature and loving adult relationship. He basically told me to shut up(not in those words) because I am a woman, and must follow his lead. I was very insulted and angry, and quite frankly I am ready to break it off with him.

One of the reasons I fell in love with him was because he was not like the men I knew growing up. He treated women with respect, and viewed them as his equals. He has always valued my thoughts, feelings and opinions. Now they don't mean anything because I am a woman.

And one more thing. He told me that I would have to bear his children if we were to be married, and not use birth control because we have to be open to "gods will". even though I made it clear that I didn't want children, and that was something we had both agreed upon. I feel like even if there was a god, he gave us a brain for a reason. so that we could make intelligent, thoughtful and rational decisions. We are not meant to be puppets. We have minds of our own. It also bothers me because I am highly diabetic and therefore at a high risk of complications. He is willing to risk my life?!

Sorry for the long e-mail but it's a difficult situation to explain in such a short space. Could you please share your thoughts on this? I am confused and upset, and I don't know who to turn to. I feel that since I was honest with him from the beginning about who I was(I haven't changed he has) it isn't fair of him to expect me to change to plase him. Please help.

Lisa

ANSWER: Lisa,
here are my thoughts. It seems that since you are opposed to what his worldview brings to the table you need to think about moving on. He was also honest from the beginning with who he was I assume. Then something traumatic happened and he changed as I understand it. Dating is when you get info to find out if you are going to stay with someone. You are getting info that lets you know the future of this relationship is not healthy. If you try to change him that would be unfair. So I think you need to sit with him and lay out what you have laid out here and see what he says. Because you said several times in this post that you are a "strong feminist" I wonder if you are being shown that you may have some irrationality with your beliefs. Who knows I don't know you, but I wonder given what you have said. Now faced with something that doesn't "buy" into what you believe you are feeling threatened.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I do not understand what you mean by "irrational beliefs". Who knew it was a radical idea in the twenty first century, when we had a viable female candidate running for President for the first time in history, that men and women are equal.

I can assure you that I do NOT feel threatened. I know who I am, and I am proud of the woman I am. And I don't feel that I should have to change who I am to make a man happy. I also don't feel that he should have to change who he is. I feel that people(both men and women) deserve to be loved for who they are. That is why I have made the decision to leave him. Obviously HE is threatened by MY beliefs, which is why he is demanding that I change.

If not wanting to be treated as domestic servant and baby making machine is "irrational" than so be it. I don't see how any self-respecting, intelligent woman could embrace a religion that teaches her that she is a lower form of human life simply because she is a female, and that she should surrender her identity, her hopes and dreams etc for a man. I get angry when I see any group of people being oppressed. I wouldn't date a member of the Aryan Brotherhood or KKK, and to me there isn't much difference. Christianity teaches hatred and intolerance. Not only for women, for other groups of people as well, including gay and lesbian people. And I have some close friends who are gay that I love dearly. They are the kindest most compassionate people I know, and there is NOTHING "sinful" about two people loving each other, regardless of gender.

Anyway, ultimately you are right. THis isn't going to work. Time to move on. Just wanted to clarify a few things. I know there are a lot of misconceptions about feminism. I am not some "man hater". IN fact, I prefer the company of men to women! All I ask is that men treat me as a valuable human being, and respect me as their equal. Nothing irrational about that.

Lisa
  Answer: Lisa,
I look at the world through different lenses. As a father, husband, counselor etc...When I read you writing it seems you look at the world through the lens of a feminist. You can choose to do that. Yet, at the same time when you look through this lens and approach the world in this way it will turn some people off. I think a wiser approach to take is to recognize the different beliefs and respect them even if they go against what you believe. I'm sure Mother Theresa, Bishop Tutu and Billy Graham would disagree with your view of Christianity teaching hatred. Yet, they would still approach you respectfully I'm sure. There seems to be venom behind your writing. I don't know you and if I think you come across that way then how must you come across to people you work with or see you occasionally. I am not attempting to judge you, but give you a perception of what you may be putting out there into the world. Good luck in your endeavors. ]]> http://unusualape.wordpress.com/?p=18 Sun, 15 Jun 2008 22:58:08 +0000 Lucy http://unusualape.wordpress.com/?p=18 Much of what you know is wrong.  Many of your most "well-thought out" decisions are actually quite irrational.  You don't even know what you really like!  And you are extremely susceptible to suggestion - and easily tricked.

Hearing those things might be a little hard to take for some of us.  All of this seems to ring true though.  I had the pleasure of seeing behavioral economist Dan Ariely speak recently.  The author of Predictably Irrational presented arguments and examples for we humans being both very irrational and easily manipulated at times.  Even really smart folks, like doctors and professors and MBAs. ;)

I intend to detail a few of the examples Ariely gave over the course of his talk.  For now, I'll leave you with an interesting experiment.  The results might open up your mind a bit.

If you have not yet seen the ball-passing video, give this a go:  This is a type of attention and focus taste.  Watch the video below, and count how many times the ball is passed between the players in white.  Just the players in white.  See if you can count how many times they pass the ball before scrolling down and reading the rest of the explanation here.  (Be honest here.  It will be worth your while.)

...

Now, if you have seen this video before, you might know what I'm up to.  In the case that you hadn't, you may come up with a number of something like...

12 or 13 or 14

or even 16 or 17 or 18

To be honest, though it's not the number that matters...  What I really wanted to do was see if you noticed the gorilla.

Yes, the gorilla.  Now, scroll back up, and watch the video a second time.  Then return here.

If you're like most of us, or rather all of the folks I've shown this to before, you were so focused on the ball and the white shirted players, that you didn't even notice something which looks soooo very obvious now that you know to look for it.  How could you have missed it, you might be thinking...

This was a trick, an illusion of sorts.  But more importantly, this is a metaphor that makes a good introduction to much of what Ariely has to say.  (I am paraphrasing here.)  If we can make such mistakes--missing the big gorilla in the room--using our vision (arguably, our best or most-used sense) -- what do we miss in other circumstances in our daily lives?

More to come...

However even from your Sunday driver perspective, the reactions of some other drivers make no sense to me. Here's one (out of numerous examples) of what I'm talking about.

So I'm moving along in the passing lane, going by a string of cars moving slower than I, when I encounter an SUV, just cruising in the passing lane. Now, as I stated before, I'm admittedly a leadfoot, but I'm not entirely inconsiderate. This vehicle is not moving particularly fast, but there are cars in the lane to this drivers right, and so I just hang back and wait for the driver of this humongUV to have an opportunity to move over to the cruising lane. About five minutes later, this SUV clears the cars to the right, and comes up on a stretch of road with no other cars for about half a mile ahead.

Now In my mind, I'm thinking "OK, now this driver should move over to the right, and let me pass." Not necessarily because I think the driver should be able to read my mind, but rather because the shoulder of this particular highway is sprinkled generously with "Stay right except to pass" signs. Now common sense would dictate that a driver, confronted by a quarter mile of empty road between them and the next closest vehicle ahead, and repeated confirmatory signage, would move to the right, right? You would think so wouldn't you. Except I wait for about a minute, then two, (maybe even three) and...

Nothing. No blinker, no attempt to change lanes, not even a glance to the side. After a mile or so of cruising like this, I'm beginning to think this driver is zoned out or something. Nonetheless, we are coming up on another group of cars, and not wanting to spend the rest of my life stuck behind Miss Daisy's driver, I decide to pass this vehicle on the right. Now here's where the fun begins.

As soon as I signal, get into the right lane and start to accelerate to get around this massive canyonero, it SPEEDS UP!! And no, I'm not talking just a little faster. I'm talking pedal to the metal, "Pass me over my dead body..." speed. Now for a second I'm a little perplexed. Then, seeing that we are rapidly approaching a body of vehicles, my lead foot instinct kicks in, and having a much faster vehicle, I simply gun it and go around the rapidly accelerating hulk of steel.

Now perhaps I cut back over into the passing lane a little closer than this driver would have liked, (I don't think I did, however I've learned that perceived safe passing distances to be a subjective thing), or I somehow inadvertently upset this drivers paradigm of the universe, or maybe being passed just didn't sit well with this driver, but their reaction thereafter was... I'll describe it as... very intruguing.

Because as luck, (or my lack thereof) would have it, we were stuck in a clump of cars with a similar Sunday driver in the lead, and Mr/Mrs. Canyonero took to tailgating me to within six inches of my rear bumper for the next few miles. Because clearly, I had passed unsafely/cut them off, and this driver felt that I needed to be taught how to drive safely. Eventually I wearied of this game, and threaded my way through every little nook and cranny I could find in traffic, knowing it could not follow, until I was clear of the irate steel monster...

Now here's the question. What is it with the "lane hog" mentality? I fail to understand this. If you want to drive at 10mph below the speed limit, by all means, do so, but why sit in the passing lane while doing so, and impede all other traffic who actually would like to drive at the limit? If you all go look at your drivers manuals, you will realize that the far left lane is a PASSING LANE, NOT a DRIVING LANE.

Why then, do people guard the left lane as if their very lives depended upon it? Is it so difficult to stay in the right lane until you need to pass? And even if you are passing other vehicles at a good clip, if the next vehicle is a good quarter mile ahead of you, must you sit in the left lane until you get there? Does it take that much effort to change lanes?

And perhaps the most perplexing behavior are those who cruise at some constant (but relatively low) speed in the left lane, but suddenly accelerate to prevent you from passing if you try to pass them on the right! In the name of all things good in the world, what is your malfunction? If you want to cruise at Xmph, then cruise at Xmph, I certainly won't hold that against you. And while annoying, I can see (sometimes) where it does make sense to stay in the left lane.

But if you cruise in the left lane, with no other cars to your right, and a string of cars behind you, and you fail to understand why you need to move over to the right, you NEED remedial driving lessons. Or a wet trout to the face. Whichever would be more effective. And if, in the stated scenario you decide you need to actively and aggressively prevent another vehicle from passing you on the right, then you need both remedial driving lessons and COUNSELING.

Why? Because honestly, If you do all of the above, you have got to have some rather serious issues.

Now I'll also mention that, on most roads, moving out of the way of vehicles that are moving faster than you is not only a common sense act of courtesy, in many places, it is the law. Not that I place much stock in the validity of all of the laws of the road nowadays, but people constantly cite the speed limit as the reason why they should not have to move over. I hear things like "I was driving at the speed limit, so anyone who wants to pass me will be speeding, so nobody should need to have to pass..."

LOL What?

Seriously, if you are worried about people obeying the law, then you need to obey the law yourself and move over, you little hypocrite...

And perhaps the most irrational actions come from those who go into full "Road Rage" when people who try to circumvent thier inconsiderate (and illegal) road hogging behavior, in the only way they have available to them. Passing on the right.

Now I understand that for some folks, ones car is considered an extension of their home. And as a result, people tend to treat road incidents like they have been accosted in their own living rooms. Well, let me point out a few things to remember.

First, If you truly, honestly feel like your car is an extension of your home, then you should fully expect that everyone else feels the same. And hanging out in the left lane is the equivalent of making everybody else wait in line for the bathroom. Treat the left lane like the bathroom.

Do your business and get the heck outta there as fast as you can. If you don't you should not be surprised or angry when people start banging on the door. If you are, then you are fully admitting that you are being a selfish, inconsiderate jackass.

Here's the reality check: Even if you consider your car an extension of your home, you also just so happen to cruising your mobile La-Z-Boy on public roads that you have to share with everyone else. Stop acting like the road is there for your use alone. I have a tendency to speed, I will admit that, but I also stay out of everyones way, avoid tailgating as much as possible, and generally try to be mindful of the needs of other drivers. And If I see someone moving faster than I, I get the heck out of their way, regardless of how fast they are going. In fact it is in your best interest to do so. Any other mentality is simply foolish.

Honestly. If you are one of those people who consciously just cruise in the left lane all the time regardless of what's going on, you are an inconsiderate jerk. And if you are of this ilk, and also actively and aggressively attempt to deter any attempts to pass you, then you are a jerk who needs some serious counseling...

One day, when he came home from work, I met him at the door and, in an effort to set the stage for a pleasant evening, started asking him about his day (he loves talking about himself so this was a perfect tool for keeping him calm). As part of focusing my attention solely on him, I asked about a variety of things, including what he'd had for lunch. You know... small talk, but only about him. He told me he'd gone to Wendy's and that he'd eaten a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a Dr. Pepper, and had a Frosty for dessert (his Wendy's Usual).

We had dinner together, and things were going smoothly. He talked about himself and I hung on his every word. Later that evening, we had to go out for some reason, and when I got into the car, I found Subway napkins and a sandwich wrapper. Stupidly, I said, "You went to Subway?"

He immediately became defensive and said, "Fine! I went to Subway for lunch. What difference does it make?"

Angry about being lied to for no apparent reason, I scolded, "It doesn't make any difference. That's the point! Why lie about it?!"

His unbelievable response was as follows:

"You make me lie to you! I had to tell you I went to Wendy's! Look how pissed off you are about me going to Subway!"

Although this sort of twisting and spinning was nothing new for him, I was, once again, shocked and deeply disturbed by it. Did he honestly not understand that I was angry about being lied to and not about what he had for lunch? Or was this just another one of his mind games; a fairytale in which he casts me as the irrational nutjob? Perhaps it was a combination of both; perhaps he convinced himself (not believed) that I was angry because he went to Subway so that I could fulfill my (crazy) role in the script he had written for his own entertainment that evening.

Whatever the case, it represented a much bigger picture: it's the kind of insanity that I lived with with nearly fourteen years.

Funny thing... I've told this story to therapists and a few trusted friends. This is the first time I've ever told it without becoming angry or anxious. As I read through my own words just now, I rolled my eyes and shook my head, but I didn't feel like screaming. For a change.

Maybe I'm getting better.

-Alice

I loved this collection of essays by parents of toddlers (or former toddlers), some of whom we’d like to be and some I’m decidedly happy not to be or be like. The tone of the collection ranges from funny to serious, annoyed to amused and depicts toddlers so much more vividly than any parenting magazine or how to book. The highlights for me were:

1. “Mokehoo” by Priscilla Leigh McKinley, about parenting her toddler while getting used to being blind;

2. “The Tea Party” by Samuel P.

3. “Big Bird is Just Big Bird” by Eve S. Weinbaum on her son’s perception of gender;

4. “In Child Time” by Alexandra Kennedy about how one has to shift from the adult need and desire to get things done to a child’s need for the parent to be present;

5. "Pantless Superheroes and Chocolate Donuts” by Sachin Waikar on his week with his toddler while mom was out of town;

6. “The Fires of September” by Rebecca Boucher, about being in NY during 9/11, the most pragmatic and moving account I’ve heard of that day by anyone;

7. “Floating Cups, Quicksand, and Sudden Death,” by Catherine Newman about a child learning parents die; and

8. “The Box” by Rebecca Boucher about giving toddler clothes away as the letting go of having any more babies or toddlers.

h/t coquimbojoe at LGF links

your life moves forward and you pat yourself on the back for sticking up for yourself. things move in slow motion for a while, sure, just as it would after any loss. but soon the reel and soundtrack match up again, complementing each other. your friends appreciate the running commentary you provide on your life, now that you have stopped playing that last fight over and over as if it contains clues to all of life's mysteries. you can make jokes and they top them and you whoop and laugh. life is good.

until something happens that no one else in the world would appreciate. you test it out on a few of your closest friends, to see if you'll surprise you. if you tell the story right, they will laugh, but now that you have told the story you realize their reaction just isn't the same. they don't get it. they don't understand the meaning, the importance that you have witnessed this event.

i know that person doesn't read this, but on the off chance that should ever change: there is someone in my office who shares your name, who berated the girl i sit next to for spending money on soap when irish spring is so cheap, who eats three lunches and wears polo shirts. every word that comes out of this person's mouth sounds like something i have heard you say a hundred times. although this person isn't italian, he spent a half-hour describing chicken parm and i swear his laugh was your's.

it kind of makes me hate this person in my office because it means that i have to think about you. well, honestly, i stretch the wrong way and i think about you, or i walk down a side street and overhear a conversation and i think about you, it's beginning to become a problem. but maybe now that i have put it on the internet, someone will read it and appreciate it in just the right way and i can move the fuck on already.

Predictably Irrational: Mind works via relativity, figuring out value by comparing with others. Economist, televison, most ex, second, last. pick middle.

Anchoring: pretty much an old concept which is still interesting when you rehear it. reminds me of darren browns' NLP technique which is manipulation no doubt but then...where do u draw the line? First anchor is more enduring than you think, with remifications on spouse choices, price willing to pay for coffee, housing choices, dating tips, starbucks branding as separate as dunkin donuts coffee via ambience, naming, servings. forgeting initial anchor makes people significantly unmoved by price changes.
Tom sawyer making initial experience good.

Yes!: small follow by big request - foot in door.
reciprocity by giving first den asking.
giver view request as better over time while receiver other way round.

View websites of GroupM, purpleclick, MECinteraction and WPP website.

So....WPP is really big. I must say i've been inspired by their works and i ask myself if i would devote myself to an art like this. It seems more in the domain of people like phuong and zhanjing den myself but of cos i need not be in the actual designing though i tink that'll be pretty fun too once i know how to play with photoshop and flash properly.

the question remains:

Marketing - Intellectual stimulation and challenge of branding: High on corporate ladder
Advertising/Media - Increased Creative expression and working with great ideas all day long. its really exciting!

Now how should i blend them both in..
influence strategies/expert seems to be popping into my head every now and then. perhaps i should seriously look into it. Hopefully tomorrow will shed some light on the industry and the work.

Short run into stadium. Itching body. ooh. like ta tong xie mai in wu xia xiao shuo sia. My knees seem to hurt. 2 guys running incorrectly with an arching back. It feels good.

Averted dota 2 times today using techniques from Influencer. Have to say all the bullshit about willpower is really outdated information. Maybe i should write my studying tips part 2 for all the antagonized students who beat themselves up everyday for failing to keep to their schedule etc. Extrapolation into other areas. Wonderful!