See, he knows as well as I that I do not have a long-lost relative in Africa, because he knows that none of what he is saying is true. He's just taking advantage of the endless greed of Americans. Every single year, Americans send BILLIONS to these scammers. Some do it because they are greedy. Some do it because they are desperate. Yet in every case, their money is gone forever.

For anyone gullible enough to believe that I might actually have a long-lost relative and am passing up the chance of a lifetime, notice several things. They don't know my name, and even if they did know my name, they would not have any way of associating it with my email account. They don't give the name of my allegedly deceased relative, either. In fact, they don't give any information at all, except to say that I could walk away with millions just by cooperating with them.

Oh yes, they also ask that I keep their correspondence confidential. That's mostly just because they are committing a crime, though.

Of course, I don't really have a dead relative who left behind millions, and somebody in Africa is sitting in an internet cafe, forwarding this to a zillion people at once then occasionally checking the account, hoping to find a sucker.

If I went along with it he'd ask me for proof of my identity (drivers' license, passport), fees to pay this and that, take me for thousands in "fees" which seem to drag on forever; and if I'm really lucky, he won't insist I come there with a big lump sum to collect my "inheritance", because if he does, chances are he plans to kill me and take my money. That has happened before, and it is always a possibility when dealing with scams of this nature.

Don't ever, ever think that a real person at a real bank would contact you by email about millions of dollars, even if everything else he/she/it says is true. It just won't happen in the real world.

FROM DR SALIF RASAKI
FOREIGN REMITTANCE MANAGER.
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO.

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Friend,

I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise as we never met before. I am the FOREIGN REMITTANCE MANAGER of B.O.A Bank of African, I Hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that I am about to repose onyou for the mutual benefit of our both families.

I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of ($18.5 million) Eighteen Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars immediately to your account. The money has been dormant (in-active) for 10 years in our Bank here without any body coming for it.

I want to release the money to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer (the owner of the account) who died a long with his supposed next of kin in air crash since August 1997.

I don't want the money to go into our Bank treasury as an abandoned fund, so this is the reason why I contacted you, so that my Bank will release the money to you as the nearest person to the deceased cutomer. Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interested.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send you full details on how the business will be executed and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned amount if you agree to help me execute this business.

Thanks and waiting for your urgent response,

Best Regards
DR SALIF RASAKI
FOREIGN REMITTANCE MANAGER
B.O.A BANK OF AFRICA,

After you catch your breath from laughing at this idiot, hop on over to Quatloos and check out The Brad Christensen Exhibit. Brad is quite an expert at stringing these types of scammers along, forcing them to spend lots of their own money trying to get his money, and leaving an absolutely hilarious record behind for the enjoyment of everyone else. While you're at Quatloos, take a good look around. There is a wealth of information there about scams, scammers, and related topics.

Though it sure seems like loads of fun to do what Brad does (and it is, believe me, LOL), I very strongly suggest that you not try it at home unless you talk to me (or one of the experienced contributors at Quatloos; you can easily tell who they are, because they have thousands of post counts, spanning years) about how to protect yourself when scamming the scammers. Scammers are not always as dumb as they seem, and people have indeed been killed when dealing with Nigerian scammers.  For that reason, you must always proceed with extreme caution if you decide to have a little fun at their expense.

Life Experience High School Diploma

Now, this is interesting. An online "high school" calling itself "Belford High School" lets you get your high school diploma in just a few minutes' time. You can do this one of two ways:

1. By taking a test in language arts (26 questions), math (20 questions), science (15 questions), and social studies (10 questions)

2. By telling them your life experience

You don't have to attend any classes, you just have to fill in a form and pay them $249 (basic fee - it can cost more if you ask for additional stuff). You can even backdate your graduation to years ago, have yourself graduate with honors ..... all for a large additional fee, of course.

They'll even give you fake transcripts, and print your fake GPA on your fake diploma. You automatically get a fake 3.0, but for an additional fee you can go all the way up to a fake 4.0. Obviously, I'm going for the fake 4.0!

I took their tests, which require 70% in each subject to pass. It was pretty funny, I have to admit, because some of the questions made no logical sense. There were only 71 questions total, which is supposed to prove that you know everything you would have learned in four years of high school.

I wish I could have gotten through high school by answering less than 20 really easy questions per year.

What's especially interesting is that, if you miss a question, they will tell you the right answers - not only that, but they pop up in a separate window so you can copy the correct answers the second time around. That's pretty doggone convenient, I have to admit.

When I didn't buy a diploma from them (obviously, since I have a real high school diploma and was just doing it for laughs), they started inundating my inbox, trying to get money out of me. All that did was make me determined to make complete fools out of them.

As stated, you can also tell them your life experience, and get your high school diploma that way. I logged back in under yet another pseudonym, pretended to be an 18-year-old high school dropout slacker, and wrote:

"I help my mom around the house, and sometimes go grocery shopping for her. I am very good at playing Warcraft online also."

Sure enough, it immediately asked me all the information needed to process my "diploma" - but, no one had even looked at what I had written as my alleged qualifications!

Now, does anyone here think getting your mom groceries and playing WarCrack qualifies you as a high school graduate? Well, Belford High School probably does - I should find out in about 24 hours! They say they are going to review my qualifications - who wants to bet that no one even looks at it, and they offer me a diploma based on my stated skills as a slacker?

What's really scary is that they also have a fake university, where they sell fake doctorates (and fake bachelor's degrees and fake master's degrees) also conveniently for a low, low price - and, as always, they offer free shipping (ROFLMAO). Once I finish messing with their fake high school diploma program, I'll play with their fake college degrees a bit. That should be very interesting, considering that they offer fake doctorates in everything from law to medicine (no, I'm not kidding) and everything in between.

Update on slacker application for high school diploma:

I went out for a late dinner and, when I returned, I had this email in my inbox. Gosh, this guy sure does work some interesting hours:

I, as Assistant Superintendent of Belford High School, would like to inform you that in order to make your information presentable, I have started working on your resume.

The Experience Evaluation Committee will then evaluate your eligibility for the desired diploma program. On the approval of your credentials, you will be contacted directly by the Experience Evaluation Committee within 24 hours.

I wish you all the success in your future endeavors

Regards,
John Hudson,
Assistant Superintendent,
Belford High School

I'll let you know when I hear more from the people who are apparently going to evaluate an applicant's ability to mooch off his mother and play Warcraft.

Second update on slacker application:

Apparently, playing Warcrack and getting your mom's groceries is equivalent to a high school education after all - ROFLMAO! Here's their latest response:

Congratulations [name redacted]!

We are pleased to announce that on the basis of your resume submitted by the Assistant Superintendent, the 10-member Evaluation Committee at Belford High School has finally approved you for your high school diploma.

You can now pay the amount from the link provided below and get your high school diploma within 7 days from today. Once you make the payment, you will also be able to access the Alumni Area of Belford High School and get exclusive privileges and discounts.

If you are unable to pay the complete amount at once, you can now place your order for an initial deposit of $99 only. The remaining balance can be paid within 30 days in small and easy installments through our Flexible Payment Option Plan. Click on the link below to read more details and continue with your order.

Please click here to view your order details and to make payment.

Remember, the evaluation result is only valid for 7 days from today.

We congratulate you on being approved as a Belford High School Student, and wish you all the success in your future endeavors.

Regards,

Experience Evaluation Committee,
Belford High School

I'm not sure why it's only good for 7 days. After all, it's not as if the applicant is going to lose the knowledge necessary to lay around the house and play WarCrack in that period of time.

That's always the sign of a scam, incidentally - the sense of urgency is palpable. Truth is, I could go back three years from now, having not paid them a cent, and still get their diploma. Obviously, all they want is the money. If you have cold hard FRNs, you can get a diploma from them, and it doesn't matter if you are one of the biggest frickin' 'tards in the history of the universe.

To be honest, I was hoping they wouldn't fall for what I sent them. Sure, it's funny as hell, but it's also extremely worrisome considering their doctorate program, which offers fake medical doctorates. Now, that's scary and, unlike the high school part of their program, it could actually prove deadly if some idiot sets up a medical office using a fake degree (hey, it happens more than you'd think). I'll address Belford University in a separate entry over the next few days.

I don't know about anybody else, but I'm just about sick and tired of hearing about poor little rich girl Paris Hilton. Paris, of course, is an heir to Hilton Hotel fortune, but she's best known for making a pornographic videotape with a boyfriend, which was later released on the internet. She claims she didn't know he filmed them having sex. She's lying, because she's quite obviously posing and primping for the camera in the video.

She also has a reality show called "The Simple Life", which depicts her and another stupid spoiled whore, Lionel Richie's daughter Nicole, wreaking havoc on the lives of everyone they encounter while they show what happens when stupid spoiled whores are set loose on decent hardworking folks.

Paris is a fashion model as well, for high-priced designer crap, and she's appeared in a few movies where we all were subjected to her complete lack of acting skills.

But mostly, she's famous for being famous, and she's obviously quite struck on herself, as it was revealed that most of the photos and even posters in her home are of herself. I laughed when I saw that. What a self-absorbed twit.

Paris is also apparently very well-known for trying to destroy the reputations of other women. One recipient of Paris's venom is suing her as we speak. Others simply hate her because she gets her kicks from stealing other women's boyfriends, and even their husbands.

I watched one video wherein she called some poor victim of her malice "a fucking hoodlum, broke, poor public school bitch from, like, Compton". Compton is a working-class town near Los Angeles, incidentally. In another video she made the comments "fat ugly Jewish bitch", "little black whore got fucked in the butt for coke", "nigger", "black and steal shit", all in the course of less than five minutes. She has at other times made derogatory remarks about every imaginable type of individual, and her targets are obviously anyone who isn't wealthy, blonde, privileged, white, and pretty.

There was no outrage over those comments, and no one even questioned why she would say things like that. Don Imus got fired for far, far less. Yet her reality show continues, and there were no consequences whatsoever for her outrageous behavior. That's disturbing, because many young girls look up to Paris as a role model, when she is in fact anything but that.

So basically, Paris Hilton is a woman who has never faced any consequences for her actions, who has been raised to believe that the world is hers on a silver platter, and all she has to do is be pretty, and cry when she doesn't get her way. It's really quite sickening.

At any rate, today I read that it is costing taxpayers $1,109.78 a day to keep Paris Hilton in the jail medical unit, whereas it costs $99.64 to house the average female inmate. The question then becomes, is it worth it to keep her incarcerated, or should she be either released or placed back on home confinement?

Let's review.

She was arrested for DUI. The prosecutor reduced the charge to reckless driving, and she was sentenced to probation. The terms of that probation were payment of a fine, license suspension, and completion of an alcohol education course.

She never even signed up for the alcohol education course. She also got caught repeatedly driving with a suspended license, once going 70 mph in a 30 mph zone after dark, with her headlights off. I don't need to tell the average semi-intelligent person that she drove on a suspended license a lot more times than she got caught.

She finally got dragged into court on a violation of probation charge. The average person would have been charged with VOP for a lot less. She was 15 minutes late for court, which is sure to put any judge in a bad mood. She testified that she didn't know her license was suspended, although police found a warning that she is not allowed to drive, issued by a police officer, in her glove compartment. When asked if she understood the terms of her probation, she responded "I just sign what people tell me to sign. I'm a very busy person." When asked about a notice that had been sent to her, she responded that she doesn't read her mail because "I have people who do that for me". Her publicist testified that he told her she could drive. She claimed she didn't check that information out with her attorneys, because she (and this is the funny part) didn't have time to call them.

Obviously, she was lying, since her entire life revolves around simply being Paris Hilton, and her witness was clearly lying as well. Judges don't like it when people lie to them, so she's lucky she wasn't also hit with a perjury charge.

Quite predictably, the judge sentenced her to 45 days in jail, with the specific criteria that no alternative form of incarceration was acceptable; no home confinement, no work release, no alternative jails. There was much gnashing of teeth by the Hiltons over that decision, with her mother loudly asking the judge for his autograph, and generally acting like an arrogant twit; personally, I think the judge should have held her mother in contempt of court for that behavior, since a verbal tirade upon the judge certainly would never be tolerated if they were not wealthy and well-known. Paris was allowed to report at a later date to serve her sentence.

The day she turned herself in, she attended an awards show, walked the red carpet, and was obviously fine. That would change very quickly, though, or at least it changed if you live in BizzaroWorld.

After serving only three days in jail, the sheriff placed Paris on home confinement without filing the proper pleadings to amend her sentence. The prosecutor wasn't even advised of this action. The judge was advised of what they wanted to do, and he told them his original sentence stands; he did not want her released, period, end of discussion. The sheriff ignored the judge, claimed that Paris was suffering from "severe" psychological problems, and said she was deteriorating quickly. He cited liability on the part of the jail if she should harm herself.

Yet a suicidal inmate is much safer in jail, than they are at home. In jail, they are being watched, and it's extremely hard to commit suicide because there's very little there with which one could inflict self-harm. At home, there are many, many ways to commit suicide, so in all actuality his liability was potentially far greater with her on home confinement.

Quite predictably, all hell broke loose over the sheriff's decision, and the judge demanded that Paris be brought to his court the next day, and that the sheriff show cause why he shouldn't be held in contempt of court.

Quite predictably, Paris was sent back to jail, although the judge didn't act on the show cause order for contempt against the sheriff.

That's the only thing the judge did with which I disagree, incidentally. The sheriff should indeed have been held in contempt of court.

Quite predictably, Paris whined and cried some more in court, even cried for her mommy although she's 26 years old, and this time the sheriff placed her in the medical unit for evaluation. Yet, quite predictably, doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. She's still in the medical unit, and is not only doing interviews from jail, but also playing ping-pong. I vomited into my mouth a little bit when I read that, incidentally.

The latest news is that Paris was taken out of jail and placed on home confinement because she suffers from ADD and claustrophobia. Hello? They sent her home from jail for that? What a bunch of frickin' 'tards. If there was ever any question about whether Paris was receiving preferential treatment before, those questions have been answered with a resounding "YES".

How convenient that she can hang out in the small VIP rooms of clubs, but mysteriously has claustophobia in jail. How convenient that she has ADD - a diagnosis which many question - when the treatment for that is Adderall. Adderall, of course, is speed, and there are videos of Paris doing all kinds of drugs. Sounds to me like she found a way to keep doing drugs even when in jail.

Problem is, does Paris really need that level of care - the equivalent of a private hospital room with four beds, no less - if she's well enough to do an interview with Barbara Walters and play ping-pong? Not only no, but hell no.

First, it's obvious to anyone with more than one brain cell that there are people in jail with much more serious illnesses who could use those other three beds. Second, Paris's alleged illnesses do not require that level of treatment. Would you be put in the hospital for having ADD and claustrophobia? Give me a break.

So it's worth every single penny to keep Paris Hilton incarcerated. The judge originally ordered her to jail with no allowance for alternative incarceration, because he was dealing with a defendant who quite obviously has absolutely no respect for the law whatsoever, and in fact by her actions proved that she believes the law doesn't apply to her (that's not even going into her complete disrespect for the property of others on her reality show). In the real world, people like Paris are called a sociopath. I therefore support the judge's decision completely, with the sole exception of not finding the sheriff in contempt of court.

If Paris is psychologically well enough to do an interview with Barbara Walters, she doesn't need to be in the expensive medical unit. She also shouldn't be released or placed on home confinement again, though, since she was obviously faking a psychological disorder in an attempt to manipulate the criminal justice system.

Face it, if doctors are "baffled" by her alleged "severe" condition, as was reported over the weekend, she's just malingering (a crime in the military, and it should be a crime in jail as well, given that the taxpayers have to foot the bill for it). In fact, for that stunt, jail officials should take away her good time (since good time is intended to reward inmates who don't cause problems) and force her to serve the entire 45-day sentence.

The sheriff should put her back where she was previously incarcerated, and completely stop the preferential treatment she has been receiving since the beginning, in order to save money for the taxpayers. If she starts blubbering again, the jail should do to her what they'd do to anyone else, by just telling her to shut up.

The simple fact of the matter is, Paris Hilton is no better than anybody else who's in jail. In fact, there are people in jail who are merely awaiting trial but can't afford bail, and thus people who have never been convicted of anything but being poor; and people who are incarcerated but charges will never be filed against them. Where's their preferential treatment, when under our laws a defendant is considered innocent until proven guilty in court? I have a lot more sympathy (and empathy) for those people than I will ever have for a wealthy overgrown brat who has been convicted of a crime involving threat to public safety, and who not only refuses to even try to meet the requirements of simple probation, but also continues to be a threat to public safety while on probation.

I also read that her visitors are taken right past all the other visitors, and the other visitors are made to wait in line for hours while Paris has her visit. That's beyond ridiculous. Her visitors should not get preferential treatment either. Let them wait like everyone else, because it is completely unfair to others if the Hiltons are given priority in jail visitation. The truth is, like their daughter/sister who is no better than anyone else in jail, the Hiltons are no better than anyone else in the jail visitors' area. They may not like that fact, and I'm pretty sure that Paris's extremely arrogant mother won't like it at all, but sometimes the truth hurts. Deal with it.

Last but certainly not least, the citizens of Los Angeles County should recall the Sheriff for his part in this fiasco. When he decided he could overrule a valid court order - especially given that the recipient of his largesse has a grandfather who contributed to his campaign - he crossed a line no sheriff should ever cross, caused citizens nationwide and even worldwide to lose faith in our system of justice, and thus proved beyond any doubt whatsoever that he is not worthy of his office of public trust.

His actions have also started a deluge of lawsuits that will eventually end up costing the county many millions of dollars.

It was reported today that a lawsuit has been filed by a female veteran with cancer, who lost both legs on active duty, and who was in jail but charges were never filed against her. This woman allegedly developed a hernia while in custody which went untreated, she was denied her cancer medication, and she claims to have been verbally abused and humiliated by being forced to crawl around the facility without the use of her prosthetic legs.

While that may seem like an exaggeration to some, it wouldn't surprise me at all if it actually happened. The problem is that pretty white girl Paris was treated like a princess for her ADD and claustrophobia, while a black female disabled veteran with cancer and no legs, who was never even charged with - much less convicted of - a crime, was treated worse, at that same jail facility in which Paris was originally placed, than I treat my animals. It's sickening, but it happens a lot more than most people think.

Did Paris Hilton receive, and is she continuing to receive, preferential treatment? Absolutely, and hopefully the Hilton case will make people nationwide think twice about whether justice in this country is truly blind. It is not.

While most songs played backward have words here and there that you can clearly recognize, and some even had recognizable sentences which appear to make sense in some way, the undisputed king of all backward messages was, and still is, “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. In fact, many hardcore rock fans at that time called the song “Oppositioner”, based on its backward message.

Don’t misunderstand, I don’t think this was intentional at all, since even everyday human speech played backward can say some pretty weird stuff. Still, it’s kinda freaky that the entire song seems to be a message in line with the song title, LOL. So, for your viewing and listening pleasure, I present to you “Stairway To Heaven” played backward, with the ”Oppositioner” lyrics printed on-screen.

I know, I can feel your sorrow from here. ;-)

My laptop is kaput until I get a new power cord, because one of my dogs chewed partially through it a while back (luckily he didn't get electrocuted, because it was plugged in at the time) and we have repaired it repeatedly. However, it has finally given up the ghost, and after several days of messing with it, in the hopes that I could get a little bit more usage, I give up. I will thus have to get another power cord, and it seems that I will need to order it from the manufacturer.

I was putting off buying a new one because those replacement parts are incredibly expensive, and I am incredibly cheap.

This is also why I have not been doing much posting in the last few days, at least not on this blog. I have been posting on Last Free Voice, but that's not a personal blog, it's a libertarian website project I'm developing; feel free to take a look if you are interested.

I have a computer in my office (obviously) but I have a rule against using it for personal reasons, since that can easily become a distraction. Therefore, while I may make a post here and there, I will be posting only sporadically on my personal blog until I get the replacement cord for the laptop.

In the meantime, I'll toss up some of the posts from my old Rampant Anti-PAMite blog. Hopefully you will enjoy them.

UPDATE: I just watched American Idol, and since it was Andrew Lloyd Weber night, I'm kind of glad I didn't liveblog it, LOL

Randy is looking for identity, though the judges regularly tell the contestants to not do songs from such well-known singers. For that reason, having a Mariah night is very strange.

David Archuletta "When You Believe":

Mariah says she's proud of him. His singing is technically good, but as I've said repeatedly, the emotion is missing. He just is missing the life experience it takes to do emotional songs well. He's a Mormon kid, his dad is up his rear end constantly to the point of making the kid cry, so it's not surprising that he doesn't have the real life experience he needs. He did a falsetto. Hmmm... it was okay, but not great. He probably should have passed on that.

Randy said David can sing anything. Paula said he made Mariah proud. Simon said he knew David would choose that song, and that it was very, very good.

Carly Smithson "Without You"

She blabbered on while talking to Ryan. Yawn.

It's almost as if no one realizes that "Without You" is not actually a Mariah Carey song. It was performed by many artists over the years, and she just did a cover. Carly's voice sounded kind of weird on all the low notes, and kind of screechy on the high notes. She's making those weird faces again, she really needs to stop doing that. She got a standing ovation

Randy said he liked that she challenged herself, but the low notes were "not loosey goosey", whatever that means. Paula liked that she showed vocal restraint at the beginning, then soared. Simon wanted to hear her sing this song even before Mariah week. Simon said she didn't pull it off, that she's overthinking, and it was just okay.

Syesha Mercado "Capture"

Mariah liked her, thought she did a great job. I like her dress, it's kind of metallic, but I'm not that fond of her hairstyle this week. She has a very pretty voice, I like hearing her sing, and she did a lot of changing notes on this one. It was pretty cool.

Randy said she picked the toughest song, and she did a good job, it's a really hard song to sing. Paula said she was extremely smart this week, by picking a song not many people know, so they aren't comparing her to Mariah, it was "unbelievably magical". Simon said "technically it was very, very good indeed", but that he wouldn't have picked a song not many people knew.

Brooke White "Hero"

She missed her sister's wedding over the weekend. Mariah said it's a good song choice for her.

She's playing piano. This song is probably a bit too well known for her to try it, because I'm making comparisons in my mind even though I'm trying not to do so. I'm really not impressed with her this week, the song is way too big for her. It sounds to me like she missed a lot of notes.

Randy said he liked it, until the bridge. Paula says she's identifiable as an artist, that an unplugged version was good, except for "a few off notes". Simon says she didn't have much choice but to do what she did. It was like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun. The important ingredient was missing, her voice isn't big enough to carry the song.

Kristy Lee Cook "Forever"

She gave Mariah Carey goosebumps, Mariah likes Kristy's version better than her own. Wow.

So far, it's kind of boring. It's still boring. She needs to hit a high note or something. She's a good singer, but I just didn't get it. Maybe it's just me, because I'm not a country music fan.

Randy said it was pitchy in the first part, it wasn't amazing. Paula said she's a smart girl, she's "blown away", she could have a hit with it. She's proud of her. She said to Simon that she gave Mariah chills, and Simon said she didn't give him chills (me either). Simon said she managed with what she could, it was whiny at times, and it wasn't great.

Ryan was sitting in the audience with Ramiele.

David Cook "Always Be My Baby"

He's stepping outside the box, he says. Mariah said it was haunting. It's really strange to hear a guy singing a Mariah Carey song. Still, there's something about his rendition which is really quite good, once you manage to stop making comparisons. He hit some really big notes at the end, but guy notes, not Mariah notes (thank goodness, because some of her songs make me want to poke out my eardrums due to all the really high notes). I'd say it was the best of the night so far.

Randy said he is ready to make an album, it was the most brilliant performance of the season. Paula said it could be in a movie soundtrack. Simon said it was like coming out of karaoke hell into a breath of fresh air, it was original, daring, stood out by a mile, it was the sign of a great potential artist.

Jason Castro "I Don't Want To Cry"

Mariah said it was really different. She wants to see if he used any of her tips.

He's just singing, no guitar tonight. It sounds weird to hear a guy singing a Mariah song again, I don't really know what to think of this. It's kind of boring. Still, it's interesting to hear a guy singing that song.

Randy didn't love it, he felt like he was at a weird beach luau with somebody playing music in the distance. Paula said she'd like to be at that luau, he is getting confident. Simon agrees with Paula, it wasn't the best vocal, but it was a cool version.

Simon said the guys "completely won the night". I'd have to agree with that, which is especially weird since it was Mariah Carey night.

Have you ever:

• Gone on a blind date.
  Unfortunately
• Skipped school
  No
• Watched someone die
  Yes
• Been to Canada
  Yes
  
• Been to Mexico
  Yes
• Been to Florida
  Have a home there
  
• Been on a plane
  Yes
• Been lost
  Yes
• Been on the opposite side of the country
  Yes
• Been to the capital of your country
  Yes
• Swam in the ocean or waded
  I don't swim, but I've waded in the Atlantic, Pacific and the Gulf (but the Gulf probably doesn’t count)
• Cried yourself to sleep
  No
• Played cops and robber
  Yes
• Recently colored with crayons
  No
• Sang Karaoke
  No way
  
• Paid for a meal with coins only?
  Not that I recall
• Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
  Yes
• Made prank phone calls
  No
• Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.
  Yes
• Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
  Yes
  
• Danced in the rain
  Not that I recall
  
• Written a letter to Santa Claus
  I'm not sure, but I used to help my son write his when he was little
  
• Been kissed under the mistletoe
  Not that I recall
  
• Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
  Not that I recall
  
• Blown bubbles
  Yes
• Gone ice-skating
  I've gone to the rink, but I don't skate
  
• Been skinny dipping outdoors
  No
  
• Been out of North America
  Yes
  
• Been in detention
  No
  
• Regretted something you blogged
  Nope
  

I won’t tag anyone but if you do it let me know so that I can come and read!

Rules of this tag:

1. First, Link to whomever tagged you (i.e. I was referred by [name of friend/family member who tagged you] + a skill of theres that you highly recommend others to refer to [Writing, Sewing, Cooking, etc])
2. List & link all your friends + their skill that you highly recommend in this format: “I recommend [friend/family member] for [skill (i.e. Cooking, Writing, Sewing, etc)]
3. Sign off your list of friends/family members with your name linked to your blog.
4. DO NOT delete previous tags of those on the list where you found your linked name. Copy & paste the entire Refer Meme (Refer Tag) and add your list and referrers name (linked) below previous list(s).

Rebecca recommends…

Amber for Interior Designing homes. She is AMAZING at finding deals and knowing what looks good with what.

Christine for tips and suggestions about London, England. She’s lived there for over 7 years and knows her way around town.

Claire for tips on cooking. Clark and I have had dinner with she and her husband on more than one occasion and her cooking is AMAZING! She cooks and bakes all the time, and knows her way around the kitchen.

Aubrey for great bargain deals on Candles and Home Decor. She runs her own business from home and sells some FABULOUS candles that smell GREAT!

Mike for tips on cooking and fixing anything around the house. He always shocks me on the things he knows about cooking and fixing household items. This guy does it all!

Joni for shopping tips. This girl KNOWS her way around any mall and department store. I went to Elementary and Jr. High School with her and even at 6 years old she knew trend and style. lol!

Sarah for movie scripts. Her husband writes and produces movies in Utah.

Carly for Photography. Absolutely STUNNING Photography! Right now she and her husband are down in South America and the photo’s she has taken are amazingly rich in color. Just visit her blog and you’ll see what I mean. The style and skill are of professional quality like National Geographic.

Dee for Tech-tips and Bible History. I love reading her blog on Technology trivia. Some posts are highly educational and others are just downright hilarious! She also knows her Bible history which some things I never knew, like the meaning of specific verses in Hebrew. Very Interesting to hear.

Kristi for home wall decor. Ever heard of ‘Uppercase Living’? She sells those wall decor (lettering, design) decals that you can rub on your wall, like “Cooper Family” or “Families are Forever” , etc etc. Well anyways, her website is ‘Uppercase Living’ and you use this information to create your own designs and order:

[click on 'create account' and then later you'll need the information below]

Demonstrator ID #: 248460
Registration Token: law

I know, and highly recommend the above individuals for their skill as listed.

– Rebecca

Alan: Alan is youth pastor and seminary student. He has a lot of great insights. Be sure to check out his piece about The Dog Park & Church.

Brad & Company: Great theology resources from a reformed perspective.

Chuck: I enjoy reading Chuck’s sermons and other writings.

ElfNinosMom: Elf’sMom is a professional writer much of her blog is about criminals especially the dumb kind.

Ellen: If you need a word of encouragement head over to Ellen’s blog. She is a gifted photographer and often posts some very inspirational pieces as well.

James: James is a friend of mine who pastors in Texas. He is has a lot of resources about theology and missions.

Rick: Rick is another one of my friends who is an excellent photographer. If you are in the OKC area and looking for a photographer Rick does great work.

Shane: One of our friend’s Shane has a great blog about a variety of subjects sports, religion, music and pop culture.

– Dee

______________________________________________________________________________________________

ElfNinosMom recommends:

Kent: Kent is a "mountain man", and knows a lot about survivalist skills.

Tyler: A new college graduate, Tyler has some good ideas for finding a job when seeking nationally.

J.J.: JJ is an expert on the tax protester movement.

Blessed1: She always has something uplifting on her blog, so if you're feeling down, pay her a visit.

Stephen Gordon: Steve knows a lot about libertarian politics.

Miche: Michele is very well-traveled, so her blog is an interesting read.

Sandy: Sandy is an expectant stay-at-home mom who knows a lot about children and babies, and motherhood in general

Jake: Jake is an extremely intelligent young man, who knows a lot about third party politics.

George Phillies:  Dr. Phillies has a doctorate in Physics from MIT.  He is an expert on physics, game design, and too many other things to list.  He is running for President via the Libertarian Party.

Karl:  Karl has a political blog, and it is always interesting to read what he has to say.

Thomas: Thomas Sipos is the Libertarian Peacenik.  That pretty much explains it.

Jason and Cilla: They're a married couple who have a very interesting weekly show on BlogTalkRadio.

PaulieCannoli:  Paulie is a libertarian activist, and knows a lot about ballot access issues.

Les:  Les, simply stated, has one of the best blogs ever.

Danny:  Danny blogs about crime, and crimes against children in particular.

Yuriko:  Yuriko is a very talented photographer, and has some lovely photos on her blog.

Whitey and Professor: An ex-baseball player and a professor, they write on any number of interesting topics.

-- ENM

If you were tagged [above], copy and paste from the beginning of this post and then add your referrals in this area. Also, include this text at the bottom of your tag(meme) so others can do the same.

Also, if you were not tagged - but would like to use this format of tagging. Please include the text & links above and link to the name and site of tagging(meme) format text you received from.

10.   I will go days without eating anything, if I am home alone.  The reason for this is that I never feel hunger, even when I obviously am hungry.

9.     Alarm clocks do not wake me up.  I sleep right through them, no matter how annoying or loud it is.

8.    I love the French Vanilla Cappuccino drinks from the local convenience store so much, that I call them my "Precious" (a'la the strange creature in "Lord of the Rings").

7.    My favorite television shows are The Office and ER.  I have been watching both since their first episode, and never miss them.

6.    I have all the premium channels - HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, Starz, and others - but I rarely watch them.

5.    I leave the television on in my bedroom all night, every night.

4.    I collect books.  I haven't counted them in years, but I have thousands.

3.    I never check my phone messages.  I only check the Caller ID.

2.    I don't check my mail regularly.  I pay everything electronically, so it's mostly just junk anyway.

1.    I treat my pets as if they are people.  I presently have three dogs and a cat, and I'm pretty sure none of them are aware that they aren't human.

I tag everyone who reads this (yeah, I know, that's the lazy way to do it, LOL).  Be sure to leave a message with the link to your list, if you decide to play.  :-)

Not at all surprisingly, he (real name Kasey Kazee) was required to undergo psychiatric testing, to determine whether he is competent to stand trial.

It has been determined that he is indeed competent to stand trial; the trial date has been set for May. He faces first-degree robbery and second-degree persistent felony offender charges.

As he said when he was originally arrested, not long after they took the duct tape off his face, "I'm not no duct tape bandit. Do da maff, do da homework."

Surf on over to the original entry for a video of one of the funniest jailhouse interviews ever, and some other really amusing stuff regarding this case (including some songs made of things the Duct Tape Bandit - and his very amused victim - said following his arrest).

Dammit, I'm showing my age again.

Doesn't Dolly look absolutely fantastic? My goodness, she's 62 years old according to Wikipedia! She either had a lot of cosmetic surgery, or she's a vampire who maintains her youth by drinking the blood of virgins. Either way, she looks younger than me, and I'm only 45. Gee, now I made myself feel ugly. Thanks, self. Now I guess it's back to the Lancome counter so I feel un-ugly again.

Brooke White (Jolene) - She's just so damn cute, she could charm a snake. I really like this song, but I'm not sure about how she's doing it. She's going WAY too fast at times, it's almost as if she's in a hurry to get to the next line, but in the process she leaves the music behind. Cool song though, I think I said that already .... "Jolene Jolene Jolene Jolene, I'm beggin' of ya, please don't take my man. Jolene Jolene Jolene Jolene please don't take him just because you can" .... that's good stuff, timeless. It's definitely a country song through and through, in my opinion, so I'm not sure how well it works as a folksy song, but she's just so damn cute, I'm going to like it anyway. LOL. Randy thought it was okay, Paula liked it, Simon didn't like it. It seems like that's almost always the way the judges vote, isn't it?

David Cook (Little Sparrow) - First I have to ask who he stole his arrangement from this time. Yeah, I know, that's not nice. But last week he did a cool and very different arrangement, then it turned out that he got the arrangement from Chris Cornell. Now, I don't trust him, which is probably dumb, but still. It doesn't change the fact that I'm now suspicious of whether it's his own talent, or if he's just borrowing others' arrangements. It's alright, I guess, but not great because I'm used to hearing the original, plus his breasteses aren't big enough for him to be Dolly. Then again, even Anna Nicole didn't have big enough breasteses to be Dolly. Randy loved it, Paula loved it, Simon thought it wasn't as good as last week but that if a guy can do a song about a sparrow and make it sound good like he did, more power to him. I agree.

Ramiele Malubay (Do I Ever Cross Your Mind) - Ramiele is cute as always, but my goodness. I could hear people from church choirs singing this just as well. So far, I think she's going to be gone next week, because this is so forgettable that I've forgotten it already. Who was singing this again? LOL, yeah, I know, that's not nice. But she's cute and she has a big voice, but she just didn't pull this one off, it wasn't very good. She was so forgettable that people will forget to vote for her. They may not even remember she was on the show. She sang it better than I could do, but that's not necessarily saying anything since I couldn't carry a tune in a spit bucket. Randy gave it 6.5 out of ten, Paula thought it was okay, Simon thought it was cute but that's all. She needs to fix her hair differently, at least then she'd be memorable for something.

Jason Castro (Travelin' Through) - Dolly thought he was funky looking and just kind of cool, so she thinks it's a good song for him. Uh-oh, my toe is tappin'. It's a good song for him. He's playing guitar. He got some work done on the dreads, which he really needed. Dreads are really just intentionally matted hair, did you know that? I looked it up when Elf wanted dreads, and that's why I wouldn't let him do it. No child o' mine is going to walk around with their hair all matted and nasty looking. Well, maybe it wasn't as good as I thought, since despite the toe-tappin', I just didn't like it enough to not ramble on about something completely unrelated. Randy liked it, Paula liked it and liked his confidence, and Simon didn't like it, he thought it sounded like the same song as before, it doesn't suit him, and said he's lost his season pass to Dollywood for saying so, LOL.

Carly Smithson (Here You Come Again) - It's just her on the stage, with a guy sitting and playing guitar. She slowed the song into a ballad. I'm confused, and not just because she turned an upbeat little ditty into a ballad; I'm wondering what the hell she is wearing. Is it super-tight pants with a long shirt, or is it a mini skirt short enough to show her bum? I can't figure it out. The song works okay as a ballad. I still hate Carly though, because I still think she's a plant. I don't mean that I hate her like I'd want her to contract the Ebola Virus or anything, but I do wish she'd get voted off. Randy thought it would be the best song of the night. Paula loved it, but she loves everything so who cares what she thinks. Paula and Randy argued about her performance from last week, as if anyone cares. Simon thought it was good but not great. He told her to talk to whoever is dressing her. Obviously, I'd agree.

David Archuletta (Smoky Mountain Memories) - Dolly loves him, she almost cried but has to keep her false eyelashes in place, she thinks he has wat it takes to be a great singer. The kid has a great voice, I admit. It's weird that he sings "my southern eyes are teary" without any accent whatsoever, though. Cilla told me last week on "Live From Court Street" that this kid's dad is a real monster, yelled at the kid in rehearsals until he was in tears. To hell with his dad. No parent should ever treat their kid like that, to hell with him. All the judges loved it, and I liked it okay. I like him better now that I know that his dad is a bully. Still, he seems more Broadway to me. I can't see him having a successful pop music career. He really needs to sing something other than ballads, because otherwise I'm going to assume he has no range of musical styles.

Kristy Lee Cook (Coat of Many Colors) - I know this song, used to listen to it growing up. Kristy Lee has a nice voice for country music, but Dolly she ain't. It's a beautiful song though, especially for those like me who grew up poor as dirt. I can relate to it. Uh-oh, both feet are tapping. I'm not sure if it's because she's doing a good job, or because it's a song I like. She's just super cute, looks like she just stepped off the cover of "Seventeen". The outfit didn't match the song, though. She was dressed in a flowing dress which wasn't very colorful at all. Randy said this is "Kristy Lee Week", Paula said she looks stunning and gave a beautiful performance, Simon thought last week was better, and this week was pleasant but forgettable. Ryan points out that she's barefoot and has a French pedicure.

Syesha Mercado (I Will Always Love You) - Absolutely fantastic song, I love this one. Whitney Houston did a good job with it too. During the first "I" before I love you, she could have done much more with it. Then she picked it up with "I wish you joy" though. Then she nailed the second "I will always love you". I'm impressed, this girl can hold a note! WOW. Fantastic, best of the night without any doubt, her best ever. Wow, I got goosebumps. Randy and Paula loved it, Simon thought the first part was good but thought the second part paled in comparison to Whitney, so he wishes she hadn't sang it. I disagree with Simon, though I usually agree with him. Sure, she's not Whitney, but she still kicked that song's ass.

Michael Johns (It's All Wrong, But It's Alright) - Dolly likes him, would like to write some songs for him. He's a very good singer, he's turning this into white soul, and it works. it reminds me of something you'd hear from Hall and Oates, though I'm not sure if he could hit those really high notes that Daryl Hall hits. Speaking of which, they should have a Hall and Oates week. Anyhoo .... Impressive. He's a good looking guy too, which doesn't hurt at all. I think he could be a very good singer, maybe even a big star one day if he plays his cards right. Randy thought it was blazing hot, Paula said you're a star, blah blah blah (She says the same things so many times, just insert typical Paula "you are a star" comments for the blah blah blah). Simon said this was the best he has ever heard him sing.

I think Ramiele is going home tomorrow night. I also think that if not for his fan base, Jason Castro might be going home tomorrow. I just hope Carly the Plant is in the bottom three again, simply because she's so struck on herself, and thinks she can sing much better than she really can).

The worst performances are listed as follows:

10. Mikalah Gordon "Love Will Lead You Back" (Season Four)

9. Nikki McKibben "Always Something There To Remind Me (Season One)

8. Josh Gracin "Jive Talkin'" (Season Two)

7. Harley Scarnato "Turn The Beat Around" (Season Six)

6. Kevin Covais, "Part Time Lover" (Season Five)

5. Carmen Rasmusen "Call Me" (Season Two)

4. Kristy Lee Cook "Eight Days A Week" (Season Seven)

3. John Stevens "Music of My Heart" (Season Three)

2. Sanjaya Malakar "Bathwater" (Season Six)

I don't even remember seeing the performance rated as the number one worst. I'm guessing, after listening to it, that I must have blocked it from my memory as too horrible to recall.

Here's the Entertainment Weekly description:

Accusing Camile Velasco of butchering Elton John's ''Goodbye Yellow Brick Road'' would be a case of assigning blame to the victim. The only correct emotional response to the teen's rendition — presented in an awkward crouch-and-bounce stance at center stage — would be one of sympathy. Her final, wretched ''ahh-ahh-ahh,'' delivered with the indignity of a barnyard beast passing through the slaughterhouse door, was a musical white flag, begging the viewing audience to hang up their phones and put her out of her misery. And that's exactly what they did.

For your torturertainment, here is Camille Velasco from Season Three, murdering "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road".

There's a bright side to this, though, in that it gives me an excuse to post my all-time favorite Elton John song, "Funeral For A Friend/Love Lies Bleeding"

Here, a contestant on "Miss Turkey" invites Paris onto the stage during her belly dance.  What a nightmare.

We talked about American Idol, and politics. We even talked about immigration for a minute or two.

Jason and Cilla are very nice folks, and they're doing a great job with their show despite the technical problems they ran into early in the show. This was only their second show, but I would never have known that if I hadn't read that online.

They're having a special show on Wednesday, I guess they're going to comment on UFC Fight Night as it's happening, which is a really cool idea. It's kind of like live blogging, only it's live talking instead. I think I'll have to check it out, as I've never heard of anyone doing that before.

Jason and Cilla, thanks for having me on your show. I really enjoyed it. :-)

Click here to listen : former WWE ring announcer Michael Porter was on as the first guest (interesting guy!); my segment starts at about the 62 minute point.

The show starts at 5:30, I'll be on around 6:30 to discuss American Idol and politics. You probably want to listen in early, though, because their first guest is a former WWE Ring Announcer. Someone like him might have some very interesting things to say.

"Live From Court Street" is the new weekly online radio program started by Jason and Cilla Gatties. Jason and Cilla are very active in the Libertarian Party, and are very well respected in libertarian circles. They are also very entertaining, as you'll find out when you listen in. After listening to their first segment, which contains discussion on all kinds of interesting topics, I already know this is far superior to the typical internet radio show. In fact, it doesn't even sound like internet radio; it's much more like regular radio. I'm honored to have been invited as their guest, and look forward to being on the show.

Here's a description of the show, and a link where you can listen to their last segment:

"Live From Court Street w/Jason & Cilla" is a weekly hour long "newscast". We will talk about news, sports & entertainment, but only the news, sports & entertainment news WE care to cover. This is OUR show bitches...haha.

To refresh your memory, last week Amanda "Vampira" Overmyer was eliminated. Good call, America. She's just strange. I saw her on some daytime television show, and she sucked so much that you could hear the slurping sounds. She couldn't even follow the beat, she was so bad. Definitely bad karaoke material. She should never have gotten as far as she did, but I guess a Janis Joplin impression will get you further than you'd otherwise think.

Tonight, each of the contestants have to sing a song from the year they were born.

First up, Ramiele Malubay. She's the really small girl with the big voice, to remind you. She was born in 1984, and is singing "Alone" by Heart. She's wearing some kind of weird looking shorts, and a blouse off one shoulder. There's a strap, but it looks like a bra strap. I have no idea who thought that was a good fashion statement. She is over-enunciating, and I'm not sure she's hitting the right notes. Anne Wilson, she's not. Randy says the song was too big for her, and it was pitchy. He also said she's under the weather tonight. Paula said she barely has a voice right now, and she says it was brave because she's sick. Brave?  That's a strange choice of word.  Simon didn't think it was as bad as Randy said, the first part was okay, it got shrieky and shouty in the middle, but he thinks she'll get through again this week. Then Simon and Randy just argued back and forth about who was right. Boring. Why the hell is Paula Abdul wearing black gloves with jewelry on top of them? It doesn't match the sparkly dress she's wearing, that's for sure. Perhaps this is "horrendously bad fashion" week, and they forgot to tell us.

They're having a songwriting contest. The details are on americanidol.com

Jason Castro was born in 1987. Elf was born in '87 also, but I'd bet real money that Elf can play the guitar better, though I will concede that Jason can sing better. Jason is playing guitar again this week, but it's very simple chords. I'm not even sure what this song is, but I was probably too busy being miserable with pregnancy when it was popular. Whatever it is, it doesn't seem like I missed much. He phoned in the guitar portion of that song. But he sure does have pretty blue eyes. My significant other has prettier blue eyes, but still. He's wearing pants which are too tight. Randy liked it, says it's one of his favorite songs. Paula said there was no "wow" because it was safe, but that he's staying true to himself. I'm getting tired of hearing her say that. Simon says he needs to take it more seriously, and that it was the equivalent of something you'd see outside a subway station. Simon says he could be a winner, but not if he keeps doing the same kind of thing week after week when he knows he can do much better. Simon says he needs to take it more seriously, and that his guitar playing was sloppy. Apparently the song was "Fragile" by Sting, incidentally.

Syesha Mercado was also born in 1987. She did some kind of weird thing where she made the annoying sound a baby makes when they cry. She's singing "If I Were Your Woman", I saw online that it was by Stephanie Mills (who I have never heard of in my life). I'm not sure if I've heard this one before either. Was there no good music in 1987? Surely there was, so why are they picking this crap? She has a pretty voice though. She's wearing pants and ugly platform shoes. Not attractive. She can really sing though, she's belting it out. I'm impressed even though I have no idea what the song originally sounded like. She has a very pretty smile. Randy said this was the best he ever heard her sing, including her audition. He called it "stellar" and "unbelievable". Paula said this is the moment everyone will remember, when she became the dark horse who might go on to win. Simon said it was the best so far, but we're only three in. Simon says the end was not as good as Randy says, and that the song stretched the limit on her vocals.

Chikezie is up next. He's wearing a pinstripe suit jacket with some kind of weird rhinestone cowboy look on the arms on the forearms and at the bottom of the jacket. Weird. He was born in 1985. His mother was singing for a second. He definitely didn't get his voice from her, because that woman couldn't carry a tune in a spit bucket. He's singing "If Only For One Night". Yet another song I've never even heard of before.....WTF? It seems like a pretty nice song, I guess, and he sings it well enough (though bear in mind that I have never heard this song before). Wait, was that a Luther Vandross song? In that case, he sucked in comparison, and I don't have to even listen to the original to know that. That jacket is distracting. his shirt isn't tucked in, he looks very sloppy. One of the backup singers has, um, lungs as big as Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife. Chikezie's family is there. Randy said it went back to an old school sound, he didn't love it, it didn't have the Chikezie vibe. He thought it was boring. Paula says it's a good throwback. Simon says he sang it well, but the performance was very cheesy. Chikezie says he was singing it for the audience, and Simon called bullshit and said he was singing it for himself. Simon said the only originality was Chikezie copying the original.

Brooke Adams was born in 1983. Her mom is very pretty. She's singing "Every Breath You Take"by The Police. She actually restarted the song when the first two words didn't come out quite right. She's playing piano. So far it sounds pretty boring. Then again, the original was boring too, so it's just not a good song choice. She's at the chorus now, it sounds better. She should have chosen a song which requires singing. That particular song is more like talking to a beat. Randy didn't love it, Paula liked it better than last week, then she just blah blah blah the same crap she says to everybody when she can't say anything particularly nice. Simon said she shouldn't have brought the band in, she should have stuck to her piano. Simon says it's good enough to bring her back next week. She sure is pretty. She's wearing her hair straight this week, so she looks quite different. She should wear it straightened more often, she looks less like an airhead. She actually looks like a different person with her hair straight. Interesting.

Michael Johns was born in 1978. He is singing "We Will Rock You" by Queen, combined with "We Are The Champions". They used to play those songs when Elf was playing Pop Warner football. I guess it got the kids all pumped up to play. I don't dislike the songs, but there are a lot of much better songs from that year which would have been a better choice in my opinion. Still, he didn't do a bad job, he has a pretty cool voice. He's not bad looking either, but to be honest, he's more than a little on the forgettable side. I'm not sure if those songs are enough to keep him in the competition. He could have done much better with something else, so this may actually be his last week on the show. If the fans don't get excited, they won't call in for him. Randy says he finally believed in himself, and says it was his best performance since he started on the show. Paula said she's proud of him. Simon says this is the first time he has seen star potential from him. Simon says tonight he just got it right.

Ryan Seacrest is a complete munchkin. When he stands next to the contestants, even the girls, he looks like a teeny tiny person.

Carly Smithson's mother is better looking than she is. Carly used to have super curly hair. She was born in 1983, and is singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. Her eyelashes are obviously fake. She makes weird faces when she sings. She's wearing a short skirt with boots, and she's dressed all in black. She also bounces when she sings, it's kind of weird. Overall the singing part of the performance wasn't that bad, it just was nowhere near as good as the original because, as usual, she is lacking the emotion. That's a problem with Carly, she can belt out the lyrics but she is always, always lacking the emotion. Of course, that may explain why she only sold 400 CDs after a record company spent millions on her. Randy didn't love it, it wasn't the right song. Paula disagreed with Randy. Paula thinks she could take all the songs Paula doesn't like, and make her like them. Randy said the run at the end was not in tune. Simon said "something didn't quite work" and he thinks it was because she was too tense. He suggested that she lighten up.

David Archuletta is up next. Ryan is asking him about his prom date. Who cares? I sure don't. I missed which year he was born but the website says he's 17 so I'm guessing 1990. He's singing some song I have never even heard of before. There's something about this kid that I just don't like. I know, I know, I'm going to catch some major flak for that. He's just weird, I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's because he strikes me as kind of cocky but tries to pretend to be humble, and I hate cocky teenagers worse than just about anything else on earth. Randy said it was a strange song choice, he doesn't know the song either. Paula said he should have picked an American composer, but said he could sing the phone book and she'd love it. Simon said he didn't like the performance at all, it was reminiscent of a theme park performance. He said it's a ghastly song you'd sing when you have animated creatures with you and everybody sings along. Well, at least I'm not the only one who didn't know what the song was, and didn't like the performance. I still don't know what that song was, I guess I'll have to look it up. Argh. When are these contestants going to figure out that they need to sing songs people have actually heard before? Now I have to go look it up. That pisses me off. I'm back, and it looks like the song is called "You Are The Voice".

Kristy Lee Cook is next, she was born in 1984. She's singing "God Bless The USA" by Lee Greenwood. I can tell you already that she's going for the sympathy vote with this one. This is a really safe song for her. Her performance is kind of boring. Okay, it's not kind of boring, it actually is boring. She can sing very well, but I hate it when people try to get sympathy vote by singing a patriotic song about the troops. Randy liked it, even though it was pitchy in places, Paula agreed. Actually, Randy and Paula didn't say much, so I'm guessing they weren't impressed but were afraid to say so because of the song choice. Simon said it was her best performance by a mile. He said it was the most clever song choice he's heard in years. In other words, he also realizes that she is manipulating people with it. I hate it when people try to manipulate me by playing on my emotions. I'm half tempted to vote for everybody but her, but I don't actually vote for this stuff. However, I will say this about her. She looks like the All-American girl, and as such is the best-looking female in the competition, hands down.

David Cook was born in 1982. I just now noticed that there are two contestants with the same last name, LOL. He's singing Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean". It is absolutely nothing like the original. He turned into a ballad. It's so different that I'm not sure if I like it or not, but I think I do. The boy can really sing, that's for sure. The song was fine, until he got to the chorus, then it didn't work very well. However, his voice still carries it, so I have to say it's very good now that I'm getting over the shock of it. It's definitely gutsy, I'll give him credit for that. Randy said he's the most original and most bold contestant ever. Randy said he could win, called him "molten hot". Paula says he's smart and brave, and that she likes that he stretches the boundaries, says he's "brilliant". Simon said it was brave, it could be either insane or amazing, and it was amazing. Now that I'm playing it back through my head, I really, really liked it. His biggest problem is not talent, because he has that. It's that he's very plain looking, and it's mostly girls voting.

That's it now, folks. To paraphrase the munchkin, "Elf's Mom, Out!"

Unlike most mainstream presidential candidates, God The Great Holy Spirit Saint Michael Jesus The Archangel doesn’t think he is God. He knows he is. This also ends the debate about the true name of God, since he quite clearly denotes his name as “Mike”. That’s a much easier name to spell and remember than “Yahweh”, for sure.

Apparently God/Mike runs a “modeling agency”, and if his website claims are to be believed, it’s quite successful as models literally flock to him. I’m not sure how lucrative that endeavor has become for him, but that’s okay because he also makes his own money. By that, I don’t mean that he works and makes money. No, I mean that he quite literally makes money, which he calls “Heavenly Banknotes”. Are you against the Federal Reserve? He’ll take care of that problem too, and replace it with his own “Cosmic Reserve Bank”.

It appears that God/Mike is an Old Testament kind of Creator, because he wants to arrest abortion doctors, judges who ruled abortions legal, and women who have had abortions, and execute them all within a year. He also thinks that smokers are both suicidal and homicidal, and he plans to arrest and execute, without representation or trial, all of the “tobacco lords”. He also has a problem with gay marriage, because the Bible (which he refers to as “My Holy Word”) speaks against it; for that reason, he plans to execute all gays and lesbians. On the other hand Mike/God is not quite so completely violent as it would appear, since he also thinks that nations should settle conflicts with a paintball war.

If you’re interested in contacting God/Mike, you can do so by telephone or email, since both are listed on his website. However, you can’t send him a fax, since his fax is listed as “CIA Top Secret Ultra-Grade.”

Like any other non-mainstream candidate, God/Mike has run into some difficulties during his campaign. Most notably, he was charged with attempted murder, undoubtedly while “at war with the homosexual Satan and his leftist queer devils and demons”. That’s okay, though, because since he’s God, he has the power of prophesy. To that end he says, “I prophesy that I will win by a crushing landslide.”

On the other end of the spectrum Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey may not be a Papal Knight, a Knight of Malta, or a Knight of the Orden Bonaria like Daniel Imperato; or God, Jesus, or the Holy Ghost like Mike/God, but he is an ordained Satanic Priest. Not only is he a Satanic Priest, but a quiz on his MySpace profile declared that he is Satan, so it must be true. He also promises to murder (by impalement, of course) certain people with his own hands as soon as he takes office; that list includes Osama bin Laden, George Bush, O.J. Simpson, and even Mike Tyson.

Jonathan is also a “Satanic Vampyre” as well as a “Hecate Witch”, and has some very serious military experience as a “Commanding General” of a vampire regiment known as the “Death Dealers”. He also has a great deal of previous political experience, having run for Congress in multiple states, for President during the last election as well as the present one, and he once also ran for Governor (of Minnesota). His campaigns have been unsuccessful, undoubtedly due to the media’s bias against third party candidates.

On the downside, he must be one of those shapeshifters David Icke warns us about because, while in Florida, he assumed the name “Kathleen Sharkey” and claimed that he is is his own half-sister, and also his own pagan wife. He sent a notice to the FEC under the Kathleen persona, implying that Jonathan is dead.

Not surprisingly, The Impaler does have an arrest record, including a record for stalking a former girlfriend, but for those who wish to support The Impaler, that could be easily spun into his being far more loyal than most people will ever be. He was also ordered to undergo psychiatric care since he believes himself to be a vampire, and of course that could be spun as his having had his right to practice his religion denied by the government. Despite The impaler’s shortcomings, there is always a way for a politician to spin anything into something positive.

Then again, if God and Satan aren’t quite down-to-earth enough for you, there is also John Taylor Bowles. Bowles claims to be “the White People’s Candidate”. Dressed like a Neo-Nazi storm trooper, Bowles claims that it is “time for the white people to put a real white man in the White House”; apparently he believes that previous presidents weren’t really white.

Bowles wants to give us lower taxes, lower food prices, free health care, zero unemployment, no outsourcing of jobs, forgiveness of all credit card debt so all white people start with a fresh slate, a 5% flat tax on income with all other taxes abolished, no more foreclosures, and interest-free mortgages (though together those last two items are equivalent to free housing on a first-come first-serve basis) ….. but only after he has deported all non-whites in a “humanitarian” manner. He plans to give all non-whites a one-time stipend of $30,000 to make their involuntary move more palatable.

Bowles also wants to bring the white soldiers home, at which time he will position them at the southern border to help “stop the invasion”. He also believes that birth control is an invention of those who wish to destroy the white race, and to that end he suggests that whites take over the country by having as many children as possible (though if he deports all non-whites, we would have no need to out-breed anyone to maintain control). White families who produce four or more children will have their mortgage debt forgiven, though again, it doesn’t matter if the debt is forgiven, if there are no more foreclosures.

I’ve heard this particular line of thinking before. Former wacky Libertarian candidate Gene Chapman suggested that libertarians out-breed the non-libertarians, and even offered to store his sperm for any women interested in bearing his children. He also mentioned that both he and his webmaster Doug Kenline were single. Big surprise there.

So who gets to stay in the United States, and who will be forced to leave? According to Bowles, a white person (which he refers to as “Aryan”) is defined as “wholly of non-Jewish, non-Asiatic European ancestry, descendants of the autochthonous Peoples of the contemporary states of Austria, Belarus, Belgium, Britain, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, Ireland, Latvia, Lithuania, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Russia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Sweden, Switzerland, and Ukraine. Many persons of Albanian, Bulgarian, Croatian, Georgian, Greek, Hungarian, Italian, Portugese, Romanian, Serbian, and Spanish heritage also qualify as Aryan, their ancestors being pioneers of Aryan communities in those lands.”

Now that we’ve reviewed the candidates, here is the interesting question. Given that the mainstream parties limit our choices to only three candidates at this point, soon to be only two candidates; and given that many Americans do not agree with any of the mainstream candidates on the issues …. if these were the only candidates from which you could choose, who would you choose, and why?

___________________________________

Originally posted by ElfNinosMom on Last Free Voice

I guess that explains why Randy Jackson was yawning when Ryan went to introduce him. That's never a good sign. Then he plugged Paula's new song by working it into a comment. How corny.

As usual, I'll just type what I'm thinking. I do not go back and edit what I wrote (though I do add photos) so I make no guarantee whatsoever that you won't be offended. You have thus been warned.

Amanda "Vampira" Overmyer is up first, singing "Back in the USSR". She sucks so much that I can hear her slurping. I can hear a Janis Joplin impression any Saturday Night in any drunken karaoke bar, and usually a better one than this. Why would they put somebody who is basically an impersonator through to the finals anyway? Randy thought it was pitchy at first. Paula thought her timing was off. Simon called it predictable and a mess at parts. He says she does the same thing week afterweek, so she's getting boring. I agree. Then again, I was bored from the first minute I heard her.

Kristy Lee Cook did "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away", says today was the first time she heard it. It sounded like it too. Still, it's better than what she did last week, when she killed John Lennon all over again when she murdered "Eight Days A Week" by turning it into some weird country song. Nevertheless, I'd like for her to hide her song away. Randy didn't like the arrangement, Paula thought it was safe, but liked her dress. Simon thinks she needs "hypnosis", and says she "isn't a good performer". He admitted she was better this week, but it would be almost impossible to be worse.

They did a replay of David Archuletta's giant fuckup, when he forgot the words last week. He's going to sing "The Long And Winding Road", and is hoping he won't forget the words. He was off from literally the very first note, which is not a good sign. This is a horribly boring rendition, it's way too slow. Yeah, I know the original is slow, this is so slow that it's painful. He doesn't seem to be in sync with the music. He hit some nice long notes, but that's the best I can say about it. The crowd is going wild, though. Perhaps they're just glad he didn't fuck it up again. Randy liked it. Paula thought it was "exciting" and "wonderful". Simon said last week was a complete wreck, this week he was amazing. They must be hearing something there that I can't hear here.

Ryan did an i-Phone promotion. He pretended like he got it from someone in the audience. That's not cheesy at all. ;-)

Michael Johns is up now. He's going to sing "A Day In The Life", which he calls Lennon/McCartney's "masterpiece". It starts out well, but I don't know what that one note was supposed to be. I'm pretty sure it's a sound which normally doesn't come from humans. The speaking part wasn't good at all. However, he hit the notes on the "Aaaah" part. Did he just mess up the words? I'm pretty sure he did, he sang "having read the book" twice. Randy says it's not the right song, it wasn't good. Paula said it's not as good as the dress rehearsal, she blamed it on the earpiece. Simon said it was a mess, he didn't hit the right notes, it was all over the place, not good enough. Then it turned out that he wasn't wearing an earpiece, he just sucked. Oops. LOL

There was a commercial with the blonde girl from "Scrubs", she is in a store, bends over then falls down, looks over and sees panties which are "wedgie free". Do woman really have that problem, enough that they need to advertise that their underwear won't give them a wedgie? I never have that problem. Perhaps she needs to buy better underwear. That would be my guess, anyway.

Damn, they just said it's a two-hour show tonight. Dammit. I was planning to do something between Idol and The Office reruns at 10.

Brooke White is on next. She's going to be singing "Here comes The Sun", she says it has "perfect melody". She's wearing all yellow. I'm not sure if she's supposed to be the sun, or a skinny banana. Wow, she's got some seriously skinny legs. The song suits her personality, I think, since she's kind of a hippy, but it really wasn't very good. I've heard much better in karaoke bars. Hell, I've heard better in my own house. It almost sounds like she's turned it into a country song, which was not good. It's a hippy song, not a redneck song. She has pretty hair, it's very long. I wonder if it's real, or if she has extensions? Randy thought it was "awkward", and that she was never connected to the song. Paula thinks she played it safe. Simon said he knew she'd be dressed in yellow when he heard she'd sing this song, the performance was terrible, horrible dancing, lack of conviction, it was forgettable. She's nice, though. Very sweet girl, and cute as a button. She took the criticism well and when the audience started to boo Simon, she interrupted and told them the judges had been really nice to her so far so it was okay. That was cool, even if the performance wasn't good.

Goofy commercial with chocolate bunny and jar of peanut butter, "Let's Get It On" playing in background, then Reese's Easter Egg. I love that candy. Reese Cups and M&Ms. Yum.

The "Rock Star" video game commercial is on, with Slash. I like that commercial. Believe it or not, and I'm not exaggerating, Elf can play guitar like that, and on real guitars, not just on a video game controller shaped like a guitar, LOL. No, he didn't get that talent from me,hehehe.

David Cook is doing "Daytripper", playing electric guitar. Okay, now he's not playing it. Now he's playing it again. I'm beginning to think it's just a prop. He did a pretty good job, I thought. Now he's doing the voicebox thing like Peter Frampton. You don't see that every day, or at least not since the 1970s, LOL. He'd be great fronting a band, but I'm not sure about him as a solo artist. At least he doesn't suck as much as some of the other ones. He just learned to use the voicebox yesterday. Simon thought the coda in the middle was "just stupid", and that he looked smug but wasn't as good as he thought he was. Simon says it's predictable, he didn't like it. I thought he looked smug too, now that I think about it.

Paula is doing the world's worst British accent, saying some kind of crap about Simon.

Carly "Ringer" Smithson is singing "Blackbird". I like this song, Elf plays on the guitar a lot. She has on way, way, WAY too much mascara. maybe so people won't notice that her entire arm is covered in tattoos. That's so incredibly tacky, especially for a woman. She's not getting into the song like she should. Definite disconnect. This should be a simple song, and she made it entirely too complicated. Elf's version kicks her version's ass, and he's just sitting at the house goofing around with it. I hear really loud slurping sounds on this one, she sucks so much. Randy liked it, but he was at the record company which dumped $2 million on her and then she only sold 400 records. Of course he's going to say that. He made up a new word "cooliosis". Paula loved her, but she loves everybody. Simon didn't think the song choice was smart, the song was indulgent, he didn't like it at all. Carly is whining some crap about having a broken wing, I guess since she's the ringer she thinks she should be exempt from criticism.

A really dumb AT&T commercial about a guy in a bar who can't get your cell calls there, so he's not returning your call about Motorhead tickets. Yawn.

Jason Castro is going to sing "Michelle". One of his dreads is sticking out weird while he's doing the cheesy pre-song recorded interview. Cut away, cut back and it's fixed, LOL. No guitar. Boring song, not a good choice. I like this kid, I think because he reminds me of Elf and his buddies for some reason. I still don't like this song choice, though he's a good singer. He could have done so much more with it. This kid really connects with the audience, the girls love him. The song ended on a boring note though, and I guess I just didn't get it. Randy liked the song choice, thought it was too subdued and not connected with the song. Paula said he gets disconnected away from his guitar, and she said it was "awkward". Simon said it's a really weird show tonight and they shouldn't have done Beatles again. Simon said his face sold it, so he's lucky he's on TV and not radio. Simon said Jason's "charming" and that his "goofiness" made it work. Simon also said if he heard it on the radio, he'd turn it off.

Syesha Mercado is going to sing "Yesterday". Gawd, I sucks from the first note. It sounds like a high school talent contest. The slurping sound is almost overwhelming. Why do these people want to change the original songs into something that sounds like Muzak. She's not staying with the music. She did do a cool part in the middle. I bet if Yoko Ono saw her, she'd knock the hell out of her for disrespecting her dead husband. Yoko's tough like that, even though she's now kind of ancient. Randy called it "very very very good". Paula talks about her being vulnerable. Yawn. Paula said she needs to work on connecting with the audience with her eyes. Simon thought it was her best performance so far, which isn't saying much. Then he said it wasn't great, so I guess he agrees with me after all, LOL. She chose the best song, Simon liked the arrangement.

Chikezie is going to play an instrument but doesn't know how to play it? Huh? He's singing "I've Just Seen A Face". When he can choose from the Beatles catalogue, why would he choose such an obscure song? He's turning it into a country song, very weird. He's playing harmonica, even weirder. What the hell is this supposed to be? Gawd, this sucks so much that I think I'm going to call him "Slurpee" from now on. That was a complete mess, worst performance of the night by far. Maybe the worst performance of the year. It might even be the worst performance in the history of the world. Randy said there were good parts and bad parts, he didn't like the slow part, said harmonica was strange, song was strange. Paula said he's showing who he is, which she says to everybody at one time or another. Yawn. Simon thought it started off okay, but the harmonica was "literally atrocious", then he turned it into "Achy Breaky Heart". He said Paula's full of crap.

Ramiele Malubay is singing "I Should Have Known Better". I should have known better than to think her performance might be good. Boring. Boring. It's hard to even watch this tripe. I know she's young, and I know she can sing, but this is just horrible. I've seen better in high school talent contests. Randy wasn't jumping up and down, but he liked it, it was alright. Paula said it's definitely better than last week. Simon said it sounded like Chikezie was on harmonica. He likes her, her personality, but the track sounded terrible and amateurish, and she chose a mediocre song, "it is what it is".

That was painful, and boring. And I wish it had been only one hour, because now I wasted an extra hour on an episode which was terrible. Argh.

The show starts at 5:30, I'll be on around 6:30. You probably want to listen in early, though, because their first guest is a former WWE Ring Announcer. Someone like him might have some very interesting things to say.

I have no idea what we'll be discussing, LOL, but it could be just about anything you'd be likely to see on this blog, from politics to crime to American Idol.

"Live From Court Street" is the new weekly online radio program started by Jason and Cilla Gatties. Jason and Cilla are very active in the Libertarian Party, and are very well respected in libertarian circles. They are also very entertaining, as you'll find out when you listen in. After listening to their first segment, which contains discussion on all kinds of interesting topics, I already know this is far superior to the typical internet radio show. In fact, it doesn't even sound like internet radio; it's more like regular radio. I'm honored to have been invited as their guest, and look forward to being on the show.

Here's a description of the show:

"Live From Court Street w/Jason & Cilla" is a weekly hour long "newscast". We will talk about news,sports & entertainment, but only the news,sports & entertainment news WE care to cover. This is OUR show bitches...haha.

The latest is "The Wildest Bar In America", and the commercial shows young women engaged in sex acts with one another, in public. If you purchase that one with a credit card (so they can automatically send you more in the future), you get "Finally 18" for free. The voiceover for the latter video says, "These girls have been waiting for their chance to go wild!"

I'm sorry, but after seeing that commercial - which shows young women masturbating on camera - I'd guess they went wild long before their 18th birthday.

The thought which always occurs to me when I see those commercials is, I'm glad it's not my daughter. I'm glad I don't even have a daughter, because then I don't have to worry about her getting sauced on Spring Break then going wild on camera. I cannot even imagine the horror of parents across this country when they realize their daughter has appeared in "Girls Gone Wild", and especially the parents of those girls who actually appear in the commercials.

However, as much as I hate "Girls Gone Wild", I feel that I must speak out against what happened to the man behind the videos.

Joe Francis, the founder of "Girls Gone Wild", has been in jail for the last year, and could not even post bail to get out. It all started when some parents accused him of filming their underage daughters. Francis claimed they had identification, so he had no way of knowing they were underage and thus he had done nothing wrong. I believe him. After all, he has filmed literally thousands of young women, has made untold millions from doing so, and I find it very hard to believe that he doesn't check identification. In fact, Francis apparently takes a lawyer with him, to make sure he doesn't do anything to get himself into trouble. The attorney checks IDs, and has the girls agree to participate both on video and in writing. The video statement is made so that no one can claim they were too drunk or otherwise unable to give consent. Joe Francis is much smarter than people expect him to be.

At any rate, Francis refused to negotiate in a civil suit brought by the parents of those girls, and he was thrown in jail for it.

When I first heard this I thought, surely that's not the real reason he's in jail. After all, it was a civil suit, not criminal charges. However, sure enough, that's exactly why he was in jail.

Then while he was in jail for not negotiating with parents trying to shake him down for a civil suit (let's be honest, once again, in saying that the "Girls Gone Wild" had actually gone wild long before they ever met Joe Francis) the IRS came a-knockin'. It appears that they claim Joe owes millions in unpaid taxes.

I'd hate to be Joe Francis, with all those problems.

This past week, he was finally released from jail after serving 11 months with no bail on the civil contempt charge (though the tax evasion charges are still pending, and he will go to trial on those charges at a later date) and faced a judge in Florida on criminal charges of child abuse and prostitution, related to filming the underage girls (for criminal charges, all that matters is that they were factually under 18). He struck a misdemeanor no contest plea, the judge gave him time served, no probation, no fine, he's free to go. The only condition was that "Girls Gone Wild" not film there again for three years. That shouldn't be a problem, given that girls are going wild all over this great nation of ours.

The problem I see with this, putting aside my personal feelings about his line of business, is that the man should never have been in jail over a civil suit in the first place. Here's the basic scenario: he got sued by angry parents whose daughters used fake IDS to claim they were of legal age, the judge told the parties to work out a settlement, he didn't want to work out a settlement because he thought he'd done nothing wrong since he was actually the one defrauded, so the judge threw him in jail for civil contempt. Personally, I think the judge showed his personal bias in the case, by throwing a man in jail simply because he preferred for a jury decide if he had done anything wrong. I think Francis is right, and I seriously doubt a civil jury would find against him, given all the safeguards he had taken against filming underage girls.

The problem with this is that, at the time he was originally incarcerated, no jury had ever determined that he had done anything wrong, civilly or criminally, and the criminal charges against him were not even close to being capital crimes, so he was entitled to bail. Frankly, I get the impression that they just didn't want him in their area, documenting the fact that their little girls are going wild.. Maybe one of the girls who went wild is the niece of a friend of a friend of the judge, who knows.

Overall, while I am definitely not a fan of "Girls Gone Wild", I am a fan of the Constitution, and under the Constitution, what happened to Joe Francis should never happen to anyone.