“...Me of course.”

And thus, Humpty blinks into existence. He sits on a wall. A woman walks by.

“Hello.”

“Oh, hello,”

They sit in stony silence.

“Don't you have anything to say?” Humpty asks.

“I have some things to say.”

“Well then, please tell me something.”

“Fact or fiction?”

“Both,” Humpty says after a little consideration.

“God created the universe in seven days,” she responds.

“That's quite a feat.”

“I never took it literally.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, there are also seven deadly sins.”

“Did he create one on each day that he created the universe?”

“Maybe.”

“Tell me more.”

“Well, seeing as you are the only one here. I will tell you everything. I am Mary. I only exist, one lexicon at a time.”

“What?”

“And so do you. Every tiny detail is controlled by a higher being. Everything is laid out and we are merely existing in every moment as that moment happens. I know it's hard to see, for it is hard to explain, but that is the best I can do.”

“Destiny? A higher being? That's not so different.”

“He thinks he's so clever for putting us in this position. He tries too hard I say.” Mary stares off into space. “I see loops of black against the void. Also there is a silhouette that rests behind them. I believe it is our creator.”

“But the day is blank, or is this all in metaphor?”

“Follow me. You don't see now, but I can bring you to the truth.”

“I cannot physically follow you or I will fall off this wall, but I will listen to your teachings. Really, I have nothing better to do.”

“Alright. Now Humpty...”

Humpty interrupts, “How did you know my name?”

“You are fairly famous.”

“Am I?”

“Yes.”

“For what?” Humpty inquires.

“Well, you are embodied in a nursery rhyme.”

“May I hear it?”

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...”

“This is true.”

“Let me finish.”

“Terribly sorry.”

Mary clears her throat. “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great...” she pauses.

“A great what?”

“Um, empire.”

“Empire does not rhyme with wall?”

“I know.”

“I'm confused.”

“Forgive me. I will disclose the rest of the nursery rhyme when I feel you are ready. I have not determined if the words hold significance or have to do with your fate.”

“What is my fate then?”

“Look, I've only got the foggiest notion of what's going on, but it seems to be more than you've got.”

“I'm just an egg.”

“True.”

“So, this fate you speak of...”

She looks back up to the wall where Humpty precariously perches. “Perhaps if I teach you what I know, the creator will have mercy on us. As I was saying, every detail, every word we pronounce is ordained in the scheme of this universe. I know this because I see past the third wall.”

“A wall like the one I sit on?”

“I suppose.”

“Well, this creator you speak of gave us an awfully boring place to live. Everything is white. What a depressing void."

The setting: Humpty sits on a muted, narrow stone brick wall -- about fifteen meters high. Mary stands quite distanced at the wall's edge, wearing a floppy hat and large sunglasses. The two are situated in a neat meadow with rolling hills. Patches of clover and small wild flowers spot the meadow. Humpty's wall kingdom juts out of the earth, pushing dirt around its edges. Out of the clumps of dirt, grass grows taller and ivy crawls up the wall's crevices, with some vines reaching just shy of Humpty's kicking legs. Next to Mary is the only man-made debris: a paper ice cream cone with a snail inside.

“Oh my!”

“God has shown us!”

“I see! Just look around!”

“The flowers! They are so beautiful.”

“And look at that snail. Is it some illusion?”

“You mean allusion?”

“If it is, it's fairly arbitrary.”

“Well, I suppose God had to make at least one.”

“So this creator is 'the God'?” Humpty inquires.

“Well, he's empowered and controls our fate.”

They sit in awe, becoming accustomed to the newly exhibited setting and almost forgetting the blankness that proceeded it.

“Sitting here, I just had a revelation.”

“Whatever is it?” Humpty balances above the female Shaman with impatience.

“This story,” she sighs. “It's going to end soon.”

“How do you figure?”

“Well it has to be less then one thousand words.”

“One thousand! Good god, that's hardly anything. Is that what our meaningless lives have been confined to?”

“Yes, and by the way, you did not capitalize God.”

“Isn't it wrong to make money off of god?”

“No, you did not capitalize the first letter of his name.”

“Not enough emphasis?”

“I mean, as in lower case, uppercase.”

“How would you know from me speaking?”

She shrugs, “I see past the third wall.”

“So one thousand words is just an allegory, right? I mean, how many words have we spoken as of yet? Who's really counting?”

Mary shakes her head.

“Why must you be so vague? What do the thousand words signify? A thousand years? Days? God created the world in seven.”

“Thanks for the correct casing on God, but you still don't understand. You do not see.”

More stony silence ensues, then:

“Wait, maybe I do,” Humpty says as he leans forward. He squints hard in front of him. “Someone is looking at me. Is this ... is this the third wall I see past?” he asks tentatively.

“Yes! You're aware!”

Humpty leans farther, teetering on the edge of the brick wall. “Whatever this silhouette god is, he's absolutely evil for doing this to us.”

"No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks."

“Who said that?”

“Wollstonecraft.”

“Who is that?”

“She's...”

But Mary did not finish. She was out of words. And Humpty was finished too.

He leaned too far forward and crashed. He could not be put back together again.

]]> http://homepaddock.wordpress.com/?p=590 Sat, 12 Jul 2008 00:08:26 +0000 homepaddock http://homepaddock.wordpress.com/?p=590 Winston Peters says NZ First handles its PR in-house.

Given the way he handles questions from journalists, I wonder if in the house there is a library with a copy of Through The Looking Glass?

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone,' it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.'

'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.'

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master - that's all.'

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything; so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. 'They've a temper, some of them - particularly verbs: they're the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs - however, I can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That's what I say!'

'Would you tell me, please,' said Alice, 'what that means?'

'Now you talk like a reasonable child,' said Humpty Dumpty, looking very much pleased. 'I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of that subject, ...

Among the words are pescatarian (a fish-eating vegetarian), infinity pool (an outdoor pool with an edge disappearing into the horizon), dirty bomb, and netroots.

I love these particular words and some of the others cited in the article, but overall the collection seems arbitrary – why these and only these? The explanation included in the article (which I won’t quote since this is an AP story) relies on subjectivity, which is understandable but begs the question of whose experience and resulting subjectivity constitute sufficient authority.

Ah, the pros at Merriam-Webster.

Which brings up the role of dictionaries and to what extent we should be relying on them. If I want to use a common word that hasn’t yet made it into the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, a word such as, uh, conjobulated, am I wrong? Should English teachers redline such usage if my readers understand it?

Since dictionaries often disagree – will the American Heritage Dictionary and the Oxford American Dictionary include the same 100 words? – it’s important not to think of any one dictionary as the arbiter of the words you can use. (And of course there are those who think we shouldn’t be adding any new words or new uses of existing words, but I dismiss these folks as eccentric and unimaginative and relegate them to a parenthetical.)

A useful dictionary evolves over time to reflect how we actually use words – though long publishing cycles mean they live most of their lives out of date. And their real value is not in dictating what words we can use, but as a resource for understanding words we encounter but don’t recognize. That is, they can help us understand what we are reading or listening to, and they can help us build a larger working vocabulary.

Writers, however, need to focus on their readers and the words their readers use and understand. Think about it. What’s more important, being right according to some arbitrary standard or communicating effectively? Both you say? Then which dictionary (or grammar book or language watcher) do you believe?

Instead, be an aggressive reader and listener. If you demand that what you encounter makes sense, then you will refine your understanding of how words – old and new – are used, and you can refer to dictionaries as needed. For words not in your dictionary, search them out on the Internet and try sites like Merriam-Webster's Open Dictionary and Urban Word of the Day

Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not recommending that you use any word any way you want. Remember Humpty Dumpty. But feel free to enjoy the full richness of our constantly changing language, as long as you take your readers or listeners into account, so you are communicating clearly and effectively whatever your purpose may be.

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. "They've a temper, some of them -- particularly verbs, they're the proudest -- adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs -- however, I can manage the whole lot! Impenetrability! That's what I say!"

****

Adjusting to the new reality. Thinking about the thesis again, and thinking about the words that will form the thesis. Listening to Juanes all the time. He's addictive.

(Maynard speaking)
We've been... we've been trying something... a little different this tour. We've been looking at... one of our songs... from a different angle... under a different light... so we can hopefully kind of... see it almost for the first time. We'd like to try that for you tonight, is that OK?
We're gonna need your help though. We need your help, and your permission. So we need you to find a comfortable space, that's not only comfortable, but vulnerable, and to just shut your eyes and go there, and we'll meet you on the other side.

I'm writing this post whilst listening to Tool's Pushit, the live version off the Salival album. I've been listening to a lot of Tool lately. I've been reading Through the looking glass by Lewis Carroll :| (no it's not a 'children's book' it's 'literary nonsense' :D ). And I've also been reading V for Vendetta, the comic, or Graphic Novel.

All of these have been influencing me, or rather have inspired me a lot. If you read that stuff and listen to Tool's music, and then read my earlier post, I guess you'll see how.

I've also watched a few movies that have inspired me, opened my mind up to some things... one of them would be Donnie Darko. I wanted to watch this around the time I watched Butterfly Effect, but I didn't get around to watching it. I finally did, last month, and :|

I watched the directors cut, I didn't have a choice, and it was amazing. It might take you a while to figure out wtf's going on, but once you do develop your own interpretation of the story... woah...
The directors cut sort of helps you out though, if you watch the theatrical cut you'll need to watch it a few times over to get what's going on, if you don't you'll probably just forget about it and probably just think of it as "theatrical nonsense."

One of the elements of the film, was the white rabbit character, which I've noticed in a lot of films that have inspired me. (e.g. The Matrix, no it's not just some action flick -_- The red pill/blue pill philosophy itself did a lot to me...) And after watching Donnie Darko, and thinking about all this stuff, concepts of time travel etc. As usual my mind began to wander... and took me on many different paths :D
I don't think I can call them thought streams anymore o.O

And so this lead me into Lewis Carroll's work. Alice in Wonderland... seemed a little too childish, and then I found out about the "sequel" Through the looking glass, and I started reading it... I read it was about time going backwards and stuff so I didn't bother reading it in order :P
Started with the first chapter, then moved on to the one with Humpty Dumpty. What kept me interested in the book, strangely, was Humpty Dumpty's recital:
"In winter, when the fields are white,
I sing this song for your delight—
In spring, when woods are getting green,
I'll try and tell you what I mean.
In summer, when the days are long,
Perhaps you'll understand the song:
In autumn, when the leaves are brown,
Take pen and ink, and write it down."

[Timothy Leary sample:
Think for yourself
Question authority
Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.
Think for yourself.
Question authority.]

Tool's Third Eye, the live version off Salival, just started playing.

A child's rhyme stuck in my head
It said that life is but a dream
I've spent so many years in question
to find I've known this all along

Now, where was I?
...
Who cares...
Right now, my mind is on...
Well three dots ago it was about something else :P
And it just wandered into...
"Have I ever written anything 'happy'?"
:|

What do I write about?
WTF!?!
I JUST WRITE!!!

"People that just assume that we're hateful don't understand that hate, and anger, are two completely separate energies. They might have a similar emotional charge to them but anger is a much more constructive... emotion, than hate, and that's what we're more about, it's the anger. Not all our music, I'm just saying that particular element that people see in it: the aggressive nature, the emotional or angry nature of it; and in conjunction with the more compassionate, there's a lot of light in our music, there's a lot of light in the end of the tunnel, but of course you have to make an effort, to purge yourself through more of the muck to get there." Maynard James Keenan

I couldn't care less if it was "happy" or not. -_-
Just because my blog's BLACK doesn't mean it needs sunshine -_-
FYI black absorbs light... it just doesn't reflect or emit it :P
And also, on a more spiritual and or philosophical note, Black supposedly absorbs vibes and auras :D
Sheesh... be grateful my nails aren't black anymore...

WTF is up with all these self-righteous assholes...
I guess Ahamed would know who I'm talking about.
So I'm fucked up because I used to wear black nail polish?

Ahem.
Anyway, I'm going to try and not get carried away...

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Lateralus, the title track off Tool's album Lateralus( did I need to say that? :S )  just started playing...
Did you know that Maynard counts while singing this?
Each line has something to do with the Fibonacci sequence.
Hmmm...

Yes, I say hmmm... alot.
And I'm not going to stop -_-
Hmmm....
Hmmm...
Hmmm...

HMM!!!

Back to the point...
There is no point.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

I had a rather strange experience whilst listening to this song and reading Through the looking glass...
I was on one of the earlier chapters, I had read a few chapters from the Humpty Dumpty chapter and decided to start from the beginning, it was the looking glass garden I think... (By now I hope you've realised this post doesn't really have a timeline or anything unlike my previous chronological piece of crap post that all you fags liked so much, screw timelines, time is RELATIVE.)
Alice sees the Red Queen and she tries to walk towards her, and since everything's all fucked up in the looking glass world, when she walks forward the Queen disappears -___-
But Alice isn't dumb, so she looks around and finds the Red Queen again and this time instead of walking towards the Red Queen, she walks away from her... and what happens then?

I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.
With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.

Eureka!
Genius.

FUCK!!!
I heard the line about the spiral (from the song) whilst thinking about the spiral paths of the looking glass garden and :|
Don't you just love it when things you'd think have nothing to do with each other suddenly feel like they're made for each other!?!
Or am I alone on that one... -_-

Spiral out. Keep going, going...

Ik vond de Nederlandse tekst nogal onnozel, dus heb ik het origineel opgezocht.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Het versje heeft blijkbaar een geschiedenis, zo leert de Wikipedia-pagina ons. Humpty Dumpty is niet altijd een ei geweest, bijvoorbeeld.

[image in the public domain because its copyright has expired]

Maar waar ik het over wilde hebben (cf. titel). Als ik op een Engelstalige wikipedia-pagina beland, dan is het eerste wat ik doe: in de linkerkolom kijken of er geen Nederlandstalige pagina voorhanden is. En joepie, dat was het geval bij Humpty Dumpty: klik! Je komt dus niet op de Nederlandstalige pagina over Humpty Dumpty (die trouwens niet bestaat) maar wél op de pagina over Holle Bolle Gijs!

Wikipediaanse grapjas?

hier soir, gwenola a posté sa dernière affiche sur gigposters. il s'agit cette fois d'une affiche à la fois pour un concert liégeois (et matinal: un dimanche de fin mai à 10h30, du matin) de tangtype, dernière signature du label humpty dumpty et de dada pâte, avant-dernière sortie du label matamore et pour une expo de ses propres affiches de concerts:

expo:
affiches de concerts de gwenola carrere
22.05.08 >> 30.06.08
le comptoir – 20 en neuvice – 4000 liège

(affiches pour e.a. ramona cordova, yximalloo, l'ocelle mare, james blackshaw, jeffrey lewis, momus, sun ok papi k.o., larkin grimm, françoiz breut, half asleep en concerts à bièvre, louvain-la-neuve, bruxelles… )
> lien 1 [sa page gigposters]
> lien 2 [son book avec aussi ses autres illustrations]

concert:
dimanche 25.05.08 – 10h30
tangtype - dada pâte
le comptoir – 20 en neuvice – 4000 liège

Listen to "Humpty Dumpty" below. I have a feeling I'm going to be going around all day yelling "Get off the wallllll!"

During those times life just doesn't seem worth it, I mean what is the point? Nothing anyone says can make it better or put us back together again like good ol' Humpty Dumpty. Hopeless, pointless, helpless, destitute without a working soul right? Thing is that this breaking point has to happen, it comes to us, sometimes with warning and at other times not, it just pounces on you like a hungry tiger who hasn't eaten in years, never mind decades!

My breaking point came 12 months after I left my partner of 6 years, he wasn't abusive except perhaps making me feel that only his friends were worthy, my friends didn't fit into the equation, nor my family... It got to a point where I was cutting up onions for supper and he told me he didn't like the way I cut them, I had to chop them like his mother did... can you believe that??? There are many stories I could tell you about the 6 years, he is genuinely a nice person but a crooked one dependent on the delightful white powder better known as cocaine. At the end of the 5th year it eventually all added up and started to get to me, I didn't leave immediately instead I continued to believe he might change (we know this never happens a leopard never changes its spots). At the end of the six year relationship I was not who I used to be, I was a withered down version, I had lost my spunk, I didn't laugh with my eyes or cry when I did like I used to. I was just a shell with little substance... a walking zombie who didn't go out anymore, didn't dance anymore (which I love to do), I didn't have friends that I could just hang out with, I had nothing left. That was all my fault because I let it happen and even though I knew it was happening I felt powerless to change it, I mean come on, I was a NOBODY!

So one day a guy at work came up to me and asked if I knew anyone that wanted a two bedroom flat in a suburb close to work (at that stage I was travelling over 160kms a day to and from work). I just sat there and went "you know what, can I come and have a look at it tonight" - it took me the weekend to decide but in reality it my mind was already made when he uttered those words asking me. 2 weeks later I packed my clothes up and a few small things and left, I left all the furniture because... I felt bad for him, I was the one leaving after all, I was the failure.

The reason I am telling you all of this is so that you can understand just how low I was, I was just a shell of myself, I was nothing that I used to be, my spirit was broken. I moved into that flat with nothing, all my furniture was borrowed and I took a shit load of debt with me, I sponsored him in every way food, clothes, drinking money the works... I was also not wise with the money side. So a humpty dumty woke up 12 months down the line and I was literally going "Oh God, take me now, I don't want to live anymore, there is no point anymore, I can't do this anymore just take me NOW!". I was officially at breaking point, it was a slow procession to that point, 12 months of healing, therapy and raking up past ghosts... Humpty dumpty fell apart in a million shards.

I lay there for many many hours, I could not stop the emotion even when I tried, I could not talk for days nor could I feed myself. I was a ghost only filled with years worth of pent up emotion pouring out of me. To be honest right then and there literally felt like no point, I wrote those letters, you know the ones I'm talking about...

I was a zombie for a while, slowly I was able start to fake that smile again, I was able to walk and talk. Days would go by when I didn't cry my self to sleep, I actually started to sleep with out sleeping pills. Days started turning into weeks and slowly I was able to laugh at a joke. Without realising it I was actually smelling flowers as I walked over the dune to the beach to sit at the sea. As the weeks went by evolving into months I started tasting the food that passed my lips, the lips that cracked open in the biggest smile that I had had in over 6 years. Time was healing me, the quietness of the flat and sitting by the sea brought my lost soul back to me, time and the inability to not feel.

Slowly my old self came back, my wit returned, my laugh got as loud as ever often laughing so hard that I cried. I made new friends and became my old extroverted self, my old friends pre-ex accepted me into their arms again and I actually COULD smell the daisies along the road.

But the most important thing is that once broken a repaired Humpty Dumty is stronger, not only in an emotional sense but a spiritual sense. The shards of my previous self shined brighter, the broken pieces weren't glued anymore they were one like a new born baby. Light came into the darkness slowly, it touched my spirit and my soul, like a flower the broken Humpty Dumty walked again.

No matter how broken we are, no matter how dark the days are the light will ALWAYS shine again even though it doesn't feel like it it does. I am telling you my story so that you can see that it is possible to breathe again, so that you can see that as there is night there is day.

Since then every day that passes by I am thankful that I stuck through it, that I tore up those ever present letters. Everyday I am thankful that it happened because it NEEDED to happen, had to happen for me to grow, had to happen so that I could see the light for what it really was and so that I could see just how bright it can and does shine... Since those dark times I have met the most amazing people, people who's hearts are so open and wise, GGG's... without knowing it every single person I have met since those times has shown me a bit of light, has taught me about myself, taught me about the real world (not the one just in my head).

I will probably always be healing, growing and evolving and I am forever grateful for that fact. Dark days still come visit me don't get me wrong, but I treat them now as a long lost friend because it means that I am evolving more, my spirit is growing more... on those days when I feel low I go make myself a cup of coffee (or tea with pinky in the air - I do it I swear) and I hold the cup under my nose till the steam tickles my eyelids just breathing in its aroma, I go for a walk to connect with nature and I stop to pick flowers or just sit with them surrounding me - I do this and I am quiet, I withdraw giving my soul time to process and for my heart to listen.

No matter what happens in our lives there is always day after night as there is spring after winter... hold on tight life is an amazing adventure with twists and turns that can throw you at times but at the end of the day it is all worth while...

For some reason I had the need to share this part of my life with you, there are a lot of us Humpty Dumpty's out there, never forget you are not alone...

... a once broken Humpty Dumpty but broken no more ...

Chi è Humpty Dumpty? Cosa fa? E' un artista e scrive canzoni. Il resto scopritelo voi su

www.humptyblog.wordpress.com

Su questo sito è anche possibile scaricare gratuitamente il suo ultimo lavoro ''Q.b.'' al quale ho avuto l'onore di partecipare. Per ascoltare subito qualcosa di suo correte allo space:

www.myspace.com/dumptyhumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the King's horses

And all the King's men

Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty

Together again.

Where are all the pieces going to fall?

The mortgage crisis, with foreclosure rates soaring higher than I have ever seen in the 25 years; that I have been employed as an abstractor/examiner for Real Estate Title Companies, and Attorneys. Title companies are closing there doors everywhere I look, and even some lenders have started closing their doors. It's not that I didn't see it coming with all the "creative financing"; that soared a couple of years ago, along with the boom in "flipping"; but that whole situation, is an article, in and of itself. I just never dreamed that my profession would let me down.

Then there are the gas prices, topping out at an average of $3.334 per gallon across the Nation today. The gas prices are causing a domino affect; the trucker strike, and who can possibly blame them, hopefully they will make a difference, but in the mean time, no fresh food, clothes, cars, this will affect everyone; the farmers are feeling the crunch from diesel prices. All the while, the big fat hogs are sitting up their getting fatter and fatter...slopping up the profits.

It has been reported that the big oil companies profits last year were:

• Chevron - 18.7 billion  
• Shell - 27.6 billion
• Exxon - 40.6 billion

And yet, these companies want billions in subsidies from the Government. It makes you wonder how they can lay down and sleep at night, and look themselves in the mirror each morning. They have the Nation under their thumb. What a powerful feeling they must possess.

In 2007 food prices alone, soured at a faster rate than they have in over two decades, and they say that they are heading down the same road for the year 2008.

Families all over the Nation are having to cut down on all the essentials of life, and those little extras have, or are becoming out of the question. Loosing homes, can't afford food and medication, and can't even afford to drive to work.

Where will it end?

I found a very informative site: www.gasbuddy.com/, where you can find the cheapest prices for gas in your town.

 Every little bit helps.

...all the king's horses and all the king's men said a prayer and sent Humpty to Hell.

The definition of a Zero Carbon Home is a bit of a Humpty Dumpty definition. In Lewis Carroll’s “Through the Looking Glass” Alice meets Humpty Dumpty who says to her:- 

When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.”  

Zero Carbon Homes convey a concept of a home emitting no net carbon dioxide but the reality of the definition is very different.

All homes will emit some carbon dioxide unless the occupants live simple lives in caves uncomplicated by modern conveniences and luxuries. Achieving low carbon emitting homes is perfectly possible as things are now, and would be an honest description of what we can achieve, instead of claiming that we are about to find the Holy Grail. 

Still, the NHBC Foundation has to work with that Humpty Dumpty definition and do their research accordingly. The have found that people feel that Zero Carbon Homes would cost more, need extra maintenance and that they would have to cut back on appliances.  

I shall examine these three matters, cost, maintenance and cut back on appliances, from the energy point of view. Things like insulation, tight building, and design are pretty well established and builders and the public know about the benefits of these things. 

Cost

Will Zero Carbon Homes cost more? Well, I think that depends on the definition of “cost”. There is a greater initial capital cost if you install, for example, solar heating into a new home. If you install a simple solar water heating system the initial capital cost will be around an additional £2,500 for a state of the art system, which is significantly less than the cost of installing a system in an existing house, where the cost is around £4,500.  

The same principles apply if the house includes solar central heating support as well as a hot water system – the figures are proportionately higher. It is much cheaper to install the solar system as the home is being built; the scaffolding costs are saved and some roof tiling costs are saved; it is much easier for plumbers to work in a house that is under construction, than in an occupied house, making the work take less time.  

What happens to cost after this really depends on how house builders treat the solar system. If they regard it as an optional extra, like a power shower or a top of the range kitchen, they will add a significant margin; if the solar system is treated as a requirement there is no need to add a large margin – they do not do so with bricks and mortar. 

However they treat the cost, the initial capital cost will be there and will have to be paid for. At £2,500 the additional mortgage payments on this amount will be less than the annual financial heating savings, and the system will soon pay for itself making the house actually cheaper to buy. 

You can make similar calculations about other forms of microgeneration. Photovoltaics cells which generate electricity are much more expensive than solar heating; you will not be in positive financial territory, unless existing energy prices rise through the roof, so as to speak.

Heat pumps in off gas grid network places, will like solar thermal systems be cheaper to install than not to install. The jury is still out on small scale wind turbines and other forms of microgeneration. 

So the people interviewed for the NHBC’s research fearing increased costs were in most cases wrong. Paying less on your mortgage than you save on your energy bill seems, to me, a bit of a “no brainer”. People just need to understand that is what will happen. 

Maintenance 

The maintenance of microgeneration appliances varies. Photovoltaics require no maintenance, except that as the electricity generated is Direct Current it has to be inverted into Alternating Current. The inverters will wear out and will need to be replaced and I think that is the only maintenance that PV needs. 

Heat pumps do need maintenance whether they are air source or ground source. The pumps themselves wear out, fans need new bearings and in some cases the subsoil must be regenerated with heat to prevent long term damage. Also, all the other maintenance requirements of a heating system – valves radiators pumps etc still have to be taken care of. 

In homes, solar heating systems require very little maintenance. The panels themselves (in modern systems) do not need anything doing to them; treat them just as you would a new roof. The pumping station uses a similar pump to a central heating system and if this is high quality will be unlikely to need changing for ten years or more. The glycol should be tested every ten years; if it needs to be replaced then that is a simple and inexpensive process. 

Of course, solar thermal heat operates with some fossil fuel back up. The fossil fuel heating system will work less hard with a solar system, parts will wear out more slowly and there will be much lower maintenance costs, so overall solar thermal systems are very low maintenance. 

Again, this is just a case of public perception. There are not enough solar systems in the country for people to understand these points – yet, but as they do they will find that there is nothing to fear from the costs of maintaining microgeneration systems. 

Lifestyle and Appliances 

This is the core of the beast, the essential conundrum that has to be solved if we are to significantly reduce carbon dioxide emissions which are likely irreversibly change the fundamental inter-relationships of life on earth.  

We must not get confused in the case of homes and it is worth understanding how homes use energy. 24% of household energy is spent on water heating and 60% on space heating. 3% is used for cooking and 13% for electricity mainly for appliances and lighting. 

Of course, confusion about the definition of Zero Carbon Homes leads to confusion about lifestyles. People seem to think that “Zero Carbon” affects the 13% electricity use, rather than the high energy uses of water and space heating.

It is a natural enough confusion because if you have a Humpty Dumpty definition you will find people taking its meaning at face value, rather than at Humpty Dumpty’s value.It is clear that we should be concentrating on lower carbon homes for new homes, picking out the easiest and most cost effective measures which do not initially affect people’s lifestyles.  

My Low Carbon Home Policy 

Taking the overall way in which new house building energy regulations should be drafted it is to me perfectly clear: 

• Solar water heating should be mandatory for all new homes; it’s a no brainer. The average system will save at least a half of the 24% energy spend on water heating, and up to 70% if high quality systems are installed. Whatever you do with insulation you still need some form of energy to heat water.
• Solar space heating support should be rewarded; here the potential is to save around half of the 60% if builders use underfloor heating and design homes to take larger cylinders to store the heat. These figures will probably change for the betters as new homes are built with better insulation and better design. Some new homes may need very little space heat.
• Gas should be connected to all new homes, if possible; gas for home heating creates about a third of the emissions of electricity and around 40% of the emissions of oil and liquid petroleum gas.
• Where gas is not available easily, the heat pumps should be considered for space heat, with solar thermal for water heating; excess solar thermal heat in summer can be used to regenerate the subsoil.

None of these suggestions involve deploying rocket science and all are be easy to adopt. Some countries have already adopted them.

The house builders will be able to follow these rules and the additional installations will cause prices for the kit and prices for installation to fall. These rules would do far more to help the environment and protect the planet than banning plastic bags or installing low energy lighting.  

The easiest and most cost effective place to start applying the principles of low carbon homes that i suggest is in new build, but this must also be augmented by a clearer policy to “low carbonise” the existing housing stock, which presents a much larger problem.  

We should not have “Zero Carbon Home” concept, but a “Low Carbon Home” in which people can be assured that their lifestyle choices are still respected but that their homes are genuinely helping reduce carbon dioxide emissions. That way we will alsocachieve greater  reductions in emissions at a lower cost than by a confused Zero Carbon concept.

I really enjoyed the story about an old lady who finds the Holy Grail in a flea market, and later Aladdin's Lamp. She is very blase about the whole affair, even when Galahad himself shows up at her doorstep.

My favorite story was probably How to Talk to Girls at Parties, about an awkward youth and his suave friend who stumble unknowingly into a highly strange party. Strange is a word that could be used to describe most of the stories in this collection, and so, of course, I liked them all. They aren't as polished maybe as some of Gaiman's later prose, but lovers of trolls, graveyards and related topics will find something to like in this collection.

DweebMeter: 3.5/5

Neil Gaiman's Website

Review from BlogCritics Magazine

Our reading vocabulary is probably larger than our speaking vocabulary. Our writing vocabulary might be larger than our speaking one, but probably is not as large as our reading one. The best way to improve our vocabulary is by reading. But what do we mean by improve vocabulary? More words? Better words? Big words? But what do we mean by better words? If two different words mean the same thing, what difference would it make which we use? Do we mean better words for certain situations – for we sometimes find ourselves at the proverbial loss for words, depending on who’s in on the conversation or the nature of the discussion? Maybe by improving our vocabulary we simply mean increasing the frequency of when we seem to be in possession of the right word at the right time. If that’s what we mean, we might need more words, not necessarily big words – but right words; where and how do we find and master more words that are useful, not too big, but just right?

The best way to build vocabulary is by reading with a dictionary close by (reading what we’ll save for a later post). However, building vocabulary by reading can be a slow process, and so we offer, not, hopefully, in the spirit of the age of instant gratification, but in the spirit of efficiency, and utility, the Funk and Lewis, “30 Days to a More Powerful Vocabulary.” We know – sounds like Charles Atlas or Jack LaLanne for the tongue. But this is an effective book, and offers the same formula Atlas and LaLanne offered: focus on exercise and diet. Numerous editions, with exercises, so you need a fresh copy.

Opening dialog above is from Lewis Carroll’s ”Through the Looking Glass” (originally published in 1871), Chapter VI, Humpty Dumpty.

"Well you see, I'm 35 years old and ten years ago, on my 25th birthday, I decided to join the army on a whim."

On the other side of the bar Neal looked at me, raised his eyebrows, paused a moment and then shook his head and walked over to help a customer. Zach glared at me sternly but continued polishing glasses, so I hurried on without allowing him or Neal to catch my eye again.

"I'm going to make this short and sweet, just to spare you the gory details. Now, joining the army ten years ago wasn't the same as it is today, you see. At that time, because I am a woman and because I am half-blind, I was considered inferior and more of a burden than most of the 20/20 testosterone machines. So you know what they did? Those bastards put me in the front line so that I would be nothing more than a shield and possibly a distraction to the enemy. And guess what happened? The guileless opposition craftily placed a land mine right in front of me and my two little feet just got blown right off. It was on a battlefield in Nepal. I barely escaped with my life. So, they rushed me off the field and I was immediately flown back to the United States with an honorable discharge. Upon my arrival I was awarded the Purple Heart. The officer who presented it to me told me that he was relieved that a woman finally had won the Purple Heart, after all these years. 'The color purple is just so much more suitable for women,' he claimed indignantly. 'At least it isn't pink,' I retorted as I yanked the pretty Purple Heart from his hand. It just so happens that I look really good in purple because I have dark hair and eyes, so I was especially pleased."

Bartol was on the edge of his seat and wanted more so I kept going, excited that someone actually thought one of my long, drawn out, and completely ridiculous stories was interesting enough to almost make him tip over his stool.

"After I received the Purple Heart, we had to get down to the business of finding me some feet. Finally, my feet arrived - they were the result of the wonderful stem cell research that our prude government is attempting to decimate as we speak. The surgeon simply sewed them on and reconnected all the nerve tissue, kind of like when they put C3PO back together in Star Wars after he was pulled limb for limb at the clone factory. I might also add that it was very unlike the time the king's men tried to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Those king's men just didn't know what they were doing. So there you have it - after my successful surgery I have achieved complete recovery. And that, my friend, is why my feet are only 10 years old."

As I finished I realized that either it really was a great story or he was just hammered, because his grin was the toothiest I have ever seen. I suppose my story had its loopholes, but maybe he was that much more intrigued because of its complete lack of relevance to me or him or anyone in history, especially the Nepalese. The following loopholes exist:

1) I am not 35 years old, nor do I look or act even remotely close to that age. I've recently heard the following ages (some of which are slightly offensive considering the fact that, at the very least, I consider myself a reasonably mature member of society): 17, 19, 22, 25 (getting closer), and 26 (almost!). I have always been judged to be younger than I actually am, but come on people, 17? Let's be serious. And on the other hand, no one in their right mind would ever believe that I'm 35, which is why Neal and Zach were giving me "the look." They knew that I was about to weave quite a fable.

2) Due to advances in technology, it is no longer necessary to have a front line as it was in, say, the time of the Spartans. Even ten years ago, the idea of actually "marching to battle" was pretty much obsolete. Though there are soldiers who become casualties of hand to hand combat, the type of vast battle field complete with horses, hand grenades and "lines" (think the great battle scene in the "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King"), just doesn't exist any longer.

3) As for Nepal: The thing is, the United States, in its entire history of occupying tiny countries with the sole purpose of terrorizing their people and stealing their oil, has never occupied Nepal. It is therefore impossible that I was at battle on behalf of my country in Nepal. Nepal, however, is currently raging forth in a civil war between Maoist guerrillas and the Constitutional Monarchists. And by raging I mean a relatively peaceful struggle between the two parties. It is a mountainous country, completely monopolized by the Himalayas and possessing the highest mountain in the world, Mount Everest.

Unfortunately, the United States has found no way to capitalize on this fact, except maybe to consider adding Mount Everest to the Guinness Book of World Records. The only problem is that there is no "Natural Wonders" category in the Guinness Book of World Records, so in essence, Nepal is reduced to yet another tiny piece of useless land that produces nothing but Buddhists and socialists.

That is, of course, if your sole interest in life is squeezing every ounce of crude oil from this planet to ensure that your children and your children's children can drive their shiny red Hummers around all day. On the other hand, if you're a traveler-at-heart seeking natural beauty and culture, please go to Nepal. I promise, you will not get your feet blown off by a land mine. But then again, neither will you receive the pretty Purple Heart for bravery.