I have tried so hard. Maybe I tried too hard. They won't let me quit. I said I've had it. I said that was as far as it could go. But they won't let me be.

So now I'm stuck. Unwilling. Expectant. And very very angry. Angry that I am acquiescing to this last (supposedly) hurrah.

I am looking for that twinkle, that tiny glimmer of good things to come. But there is none. And I am very angry. Angry at myself for giving in. Angry at myself for hoping that this time it might be different. But all I'm faced with is the same old crap. The kind of crap where two really means four and a here really means there.

I am grasping at respect like feathers in the wind.