Firstly, it's everything with regards to A. Said briefly that I know he has been seeing other girls behind my back. I found out because I used my logic and common sense. Who would keep a relationship secret if they didn't have something to hide? I was suspicious all those nights he claimed he went to Brixton to see him family. Brixton my ass! It also explained how he always decided when we were going to have sex and why he was so tired. I had a chat with KS about it and he confirmed everything. Not that A had been open to him about when he had seen other girls, but he had pointed out a few of the ones he had slept with. Most of them were in their late teens and according to KS, so slutty he wouldn’t even touch them if they begged him. So last Monday I spent in hospital getting tested for STDs. At first glance, the doctor said I looked healthy, but the final results from all the other tests will be ready on Thursday. I reckon I am fine though, but better to be safe than sorry.

The other big thing is that Twin A, asked me out. The way it happened was a little strange. We were joking on the phone last Saturday that when he came back from Newcastle the next day, him and I should get married in the park and spend our wedding night in A's flat. Since a wanted so badly that Twin A and I became a couple, he would bless us spending the night in his flat. We continued joking about that when he came home and we went for a walk. Then, he asked me if I wanted to come up to his place, have dinner and watch a movie which I did. He was acting strange while we were sitting there and kept asking me questions which lead me to think he wanted to ask me out. I pretended I didn't understand in which direction the conversation was going until he said: "I never thought of you like that, but last night, something changed. I had this bubbly feeling in my tummy and I couldn’t sleep nor eat my breakfast this morning." He was being so sweet, so I didn't want to be nasty to him. "I think having a relationship with me is the most stupid thing you can do at the moment," I said. "You know all this stuff I've gone through, plus the fact that A always wanted us to be together, plus I'm not sure if the chemistry is there." "But can you give it a try and some thought?" he asked. "Ok, I'll do that," I promised.

We spent a lot of last week getting to know each other to see if we could work out. He is a cool guy though and I really like him as a friend, but today I had to tell him I can't commit right now. To him I said it was because I had rushed from one relationship to another and needed to me time. This is true, but only partly. I'm also feeling some pressure from KS who wants me back, but I don't think we'll get back together in a while if ever although we truly love each other and the chemistry are still there. Sometimes it's best to just stay close though without becoming a couple. And right now, both he and I want to have fun. Also, I met someone amazing yesterday! Don't worry, I haven't fallen just yet. This time, I'll play it cool and just have fun, but I have missed him all day and I do and I hope to see him again very very soon. I texted him today saying it was nice to meet him and when did me get to see him again, but did in a light tone that hopefully doesn't make me sound desperate. The girl can text first right, if there is a good chemistry between her and the guy? And I’m not desperate to do it 12 hours after he left my house? He hasn't replied since I sent it two hours ago, but he's maybe sleeping, since he got as little sleep as me last night. No, we didn't sleep together! Or, he doesn't have credit on his phone. Anyway, more about him tomorrow.

Friday, I was at HMF's birthday party. It was a great party and I met some old friends, some of HMF's friends I really like and have met before and some new people. I spent a lot of the night being chatted up by the guy taking over HB's job. He's really cool and interesting and not bad looking and probably the kind of guy I should go for. Anyways. I'm happy being single at least for a while.
I'll write more tomorrow as I'm almost falling asleep in frond of my laptop. Goodnight and sweet dreams! ZZZZ

Apart from craving some love, I've had quite a busy week. It started off on Monday when I was going to eat dinner in the restaurant I work in for the very first time. TG, her man she calls Hunny muffin, MM, E, R, C (girl who works there and last but not least, sincerely yours, had a very good time. It was a Chinese theme to that particular evening. The food was nice, but was more like Chinese food with a western inspiration. We drank quite a bit of Rose wine, but I only got happily tipsy, as did everyone else. Tuesday, I was working, but had the Chinese left overs for staff dinner. Yesterday, A and I went to Argos to get me a TV and a DVD player. I don't really watch TV all that much, but I think that's partly because I haven't had my own and I sometimes wish I could watch a particular documentary or programme everyone else is going on about. In the evening, I went to celebrate HB's birthday. I haven't seen him in ages and it was so good to see both him and all the others again. HB was there with Miss C, his girlfriend, HMF with her new man, Baby G and her boyfriend and some other people I know, but not all that well including this huge big Aussie who entertained us with "When I was in prison in Bangkok" and other Asian adventures. That would actually make a good book title, "When I was in prison in Bangkok and other Asian adventures." We went to a restaurant on a boat which was a Thai restaurant. I was not pleased having food from that part of the world for a third day in a row. I can cope with any kind of food now, just not Chinese or Thai!

Ant came over today to take some more photos. As usual when he's been around, we ended up chatting and drinking tea. I also received my new Eddirol r-09 recorder and he helped me sort it out. He'd brought some pastries and white chocolate which I thought was really sweet and he told me TG had told me all about my love life before we started taking the photos together. That girl's really sad! Why can't she just mind her own business? It didn't shock me that she'd told him though but I am a little upset about it. God know how many others she's told! I’m gradually cutting her out of my life now. I can be friends with her, but will never confide in her again.

Gonna spend the rest of the evening to myself I think with a Sara Paretsky book. I've started reading her entire V.V. Warshawski series now. She's a little bit like Sue Grafton, only much better in my opinion. V.I. is just similar to me in so many ways.

Now I know where I stand with A. As he put it the other day, I'm his close friend, his lover and a little bit more. Still I sometimes feel awkward and don't always know when he's joking. Like yesterday, my phone was ringing and I didn't know the number. I checked it quickly, but when I was gonna answer, I somehow pressed the wrong key. He joked about, or at least I think so, that I was hiding something for him and I let him see my log and called the person back. It was a close friend I knew from Edinburgh, a girl so it was fine. It's just that I feel I have to justify any contact I have with mail individuals. Maybe it's just a passing stage and that either he will learn to trust me, I will learn to know when he's joking, or both. I think I'll have to learn to trust him as well.

Ok, this is probably the most boring post I've written in a while. Got my article done today. It's a 570 word piece for a magazine called Disability now where I write about how disabled people find work in Norway. I'll get £125 for it. I was also asked today to do some voice over work. How cool's that!

Si: "I'm si's brother. You know Si, KS's friend?"
Me: "Si, oh, the little pathetic wanker. No, oh well, yes, I have seen him cause he's write in front of me now."
Si: "Uhm, no I'm Si's brother. The police are after Si."
Me: "I bloody well hope the little bastard, I mean you get arrested."
Si (in a deep voice trying to sound threatening): "How do you know I'm not Si?"
Me: "I might be totally blind, but I'm not totally thick. You sound too much like Si."
Si: "I'm his brother that's why."
Me turning away from him: "HMF, do you reckon I shall call the cops?"
HMF: "I guess you could do..."
Si: "Why shall you call the police?"
Me, fuming: Well, so that you can help your brother." At this point I was just playing along with his silly game.
Me: Well, if you want to, come in and wait. I'll tell you where your brother is if you can give me back the £340 he stole from me."
Si: What money?"

It went on like that for a while. Me saying I wanted my money back and him denying it. Eventually I asked if he'd been to see KS which he said he had, so I picked up the phone and rang him. Si left while I was speaking to him and KS came running down like a madman. I believe he even had a knife on him. I'd never seen him this angry. He phoned Si and asked why the hell he'd tried to trick me into thinking he was his brother. He sounded like he was about to shit himself and said he hadn't and that he'd come back and bomb our house.

We called the cops and told them about the incident. The cop I was speaking to didnot knows that we didn't know Si's surname, so he let it slip to me, something I thought was really hilarious.

I know he came back to KS's flat the next day asking him what I'd said to his brother. Honestly, some people are just so stupid it's unbelievable.

I went to discuss the possibilities for moving into a bigger flat with KS in another part of London the next day. It looks like we might have a good chance of getting tit, but fingers and toes crossed. JI stayed at HMF's from Friday to Saturday. Friday we just had a night in with spag bol, wine and nibbles. A couple of her mates came around as well. The next day, she, I and two other girls went to this sex shop where you have to be a woman or if you are a man, be accompanied by one to be let in. I think that's brilliant. No old perves walking around that way. It was also really friendly in that they made tea and coffee and took the time to show us a lot of different toys.

All I wanted when I got home was a quiet night, but my friend G came around and because I haven't spent quality time with her in ages, we had some wine, Indian take away and chatted loads. When she's left my boy came around and we had a go with some of my new toys.
In the shop I bought: A ribbed glass dildo, a cockring, a tiny vibrating egg, some lube and a toybox.

It's been one of these really slow mornings. i don't have work today, so my grand plan was to get up early, do my laundryand send off lots of CVs and covering letters. I sent off 3 yesterday, which isn't too bad considering coverleters have to be taylored towards the employers. However, despite 1 Xtra coming on loud at 8AM precisely, I kept falling asleep and waking up and didn't manage to get out of bed before 10.30. I still felt awful. A bit slow like if I've been drinking the night before which I most definitely didn't, so I've spent all morning reading the news online and cafinating myself. HMF's coming around soon, so I better jump in the shower so I feel slightly more human.

I thought the person was possibly Norwegian, but I compared it to some emails I received from somebody in Asia who I probably have upset, and found that the spelling was exactly the same, not only similar, but completely 100%identical to the emails. I told my sister about MC and her googled the blog based on a few words like names of the places I've been writing about, journalism etc. My blog was the 7th, so not hard to find. In order to fid it though; I think the person ought to know me. If somebody really was sick, they could sit down, put all the clues about who I am that I have dropped in this blog together, find my name, and from there go find my parents names and where my dad works.\However, I doubt whether that's been happening. I reckon the person knows my name and googled in a few terms describing me and then came across the blog. Having my name, it was easy for that person to find out my middle name and from there that my parents are. Also, I knew it couldn’t be a Norwegian and it also couldn't be somebody who knows me well. My close friends in Norway, including Sister has that address and she's not disgusted by anything I write. Most of my other close close friends have the address too. My boyfriend knows about the blog and what I write and he isn't disgusted. Even M knows about it. Mum and Dad know that I'm writing an online journal, and although they don't have the address, it's no secret to them. I wouldn’t be over joyed if my dad and mum read a couple of the things I'd written about, but I know they've been young to and probably done things they're not proud of or don't want their daughter to know, so they would most likely understand. Besides, I do nothing wrong really. Should my church find out about my "unchristian" activities, I have the honesty and morals to confess to it. I can't really see what's so unchristian about my activities. I know devoted Christians who have had sex before marriage and who have tried weed and God is the one who will judge me for what I am doing, not MC or any other human beings. Another reason why think MC isn't Norwegian is that he/she doesn't seem to know a lot about the western cultures. It's not likely that fathers of grown-up women in Norway will discipline their daughters when they're over 18. Ok, not the most intelligent sentence, but I think you know what I mean. Also, anyone who would think my father would do that to me, doesn't know him. True, my dad has a hot temper and can sometimes do and say slightly unbelievable things, but then, can't we all? So I don't believe my dad will.

MC, I reckon you're Asian and that I have offended you in this blog. That just about sums it all up and it is as good as spelling out your name. Anyway, should you not like my blog in the future, quit reading it. I will continue to write sexy posts, but I may have to password protected them. I'll wait and see how things develop.

Apart from trying to play detective, this weekend has been fairly quiet. Friday I had a long phone meeting with a lovely Norwegian journalist who is trying to help me develop in my career. It was lovely talking to her and even though I really want to stay in London, I have decided to apply for a few jobs in Norway, summer jobs that is. In the evening J, KS's brother J had made some lovely chicken wings and chips. We had a few drinks with that and even though I didn’t plan it, I fell asleep there. In the morning, KS and I made some very quiet love which we disguised by talking so as not to be too obvious about what we were doing for the sake of not making J embarrassed. My dad called me just afterwards and figured out I hadn't been sleeping at home tonight, which he found nothing but hilarious. Especially since I tried to deny it. In the evening we were supposed to see Kelly Rowland, but so many of the people who were originally going, cancelled, so KS, J, K, TG and I headed for Weatherspoon's where we hooked up with HMF. After dinner, HMF and I didn't really feel like going home, so we stayed and chatted for a bit after the others left.

Sunday morning, I got up fairly early and watched V for Vendetta. Great movie about a future totalitarian Britain which I highly recommend. The J made a wicked Caribbean Sunday roast. Chicken, lamb, cabbage, carrots, rice and fried potatoes with very nice pepper gravy. I don't even like gravy, but I loved this one, so it was very well done. Then I went to church and then went home to listen to some new crime radio plays my friend Thomas sent me. Oh, and I also sent in an application form for a job I really really want!
I also got my period yesterday, but the Mooncup really helps. 'm glad I got it.

Ida, I don't know who you are and what you want, but I would really appreciate it if you could quit leaving nasty comments like that. It's not exactly fun to hear. You sound like somebody who's got something personal against me and if you happen to be somebody I hurt or one of Bee's friends or anybody else having something against me I would like you to tell me. My parents "Unhappy diary," doesn't exist. You'll probably find it hilarious Ida that I asked them. Whoever, you are, I'm disgusted by what you've done. I started this blog so that I could get healthy channels for my feelings. I am a very hot tempered person and I have learned that the most constructive thing I can do when I feel angry or depressed is to write. I also feel that this blog has helped me developed as a writer and my inspiration for returning to fictional writing is slowly increasing. I have been fairly open in this blog and everyone who knows me, will recognize me through my experiences, but I have been careful about changing names so that some people who doesn't know me well and come across this blog wouldn’t necessarily recognize themselves. I want my blog to continue in this fashion. I know I am taking certain risks by making an online account of my life, but I am hoping that anyone who reads it and put two and two together and find out who I am can respect that little bit of privacy I have created by blogging under the name Naughty Angel.
The second thing which I am a lot more disgusted about is that I have been subject to quite a bad case of deception from somebody I thought was fairly trust worthy. Perhaps you remember writing about KS's friend Si a week ago and how I lend him some money in the belief that his sister was gonna give birth. You probably also remember that I said the guy seemed like an intelligent kid and that I hoped drugs wouldn’t screw him up. Well, they already have screwed him up, so badly so that he decided that the best way to get money to feed his drug and dealer habits was to steel money from a totally blind girl who had no way of seeing what buttons she pressed on an ATM machine!

I didn't know that first day the money was gone. I didn't know two days later either, when I went to the ATM again with him to get some money out. He told me that the machine wasn't working. The way it works when I go to a cash point is that I press my own pin number and then ask the sighted person I am with to show me where the different buttons are. I know some of the ATMs I use a lot like RBS, but all of them are different and have the keys located differently, so I always ask for help just in case. I found out what Si had done later. KS called me when I was at HMF's house. We were just having a girly night with some wine, pizza and chat and I had been looking forward to it since I hadn't seen her for a while. Baby G was supposed to come as well, but she ended up having some kind of family business going on, so our gay boyfriend MM came up instead and joined our girly night. Shayn told me that Si had switched off his phone and without him noticing it, taken his 4 gig memory card with lots of music on it. When KS had gotten suspicious and confronted him, Si had tried to fight him and even pulled KS's kitchen knife on him. KS, who used to be a bit of a street boy himself, is a good fighter and Si's boys knew better than to try and fight him. Si though, didn't, but his boys took him with them and left before things got serious. After hearing what had happened, I suddenly got an urge to check my account balance. Rightly enough, £200 was taken out of my account on January 15 when I had wanted 100 and the night Si claimed the ATM was out of order, he'd gotten another £200. I called Shayn and let him know, but decided that all I could do for the remainder of that evening was to continue my girly night and worry about it tomorrow. I am quite good like that, not to worry when I know it doesn't help, so I closed my mind and tried not to think about it and enjoyed the rest of the evening and next day when I went for a pub lunch with MM. But I did text Si telling him I knew what he'd done and thanking him for leaving a little bit of money in my account and not running away with the card. I got no reply, but didn't really expect one either.

When I got home, KS had called the police. Earlier that day, he got his older brother and some of his crew to come over. They had called Si pretending they wanted to buy weed and the plan was to catch him when he got there and then call the police. But he hadn't turned up, obviously suspicious that they were after him, so KS figured talking to the police was the best thing. They didn't turn up until the next day. It was two nice young policemen who really were on our wavelength and they quite understood to the whole situation. Shortly after taking our statements, they called me in order to try identifying him on the CCTV cameras which they did.

I don't quite know what's going on now. I spoke to a rather arrogant DC yesterday who said I shouldn’t have been stupid enough to give the guy my pin to which I quite impatiently responded that I had done no such thing, but because I happened not to be able to see a shit, not even distinguish light from dark, it was kind of hard for me to know that he was watching. I think he got it in the end, but he still talked to me like he was my dad and I was his stupid little daughter who didn't know better. "I hope you have learned your lesson," he kept saying. I had a rather pointless argument with the bank today as well. I called them to report on what had happened, but they said that since I had trusted somebody to help me use the ATM and since the police already investigated it, it was not their problem. I am never a self-pitying person, at least not when it comes to my blindness. It's the way I've been made and it is of such a character that only very far in the future technology can possibly get my sight back, which means I'll stay that way for the rest of my life, but I did lose it with the woman on the phone when she said the thing about trust. "Well, make them accessible then," I said. "If these were talking ATMs, I would never ever ask anyone to help me, but because they don't take into account that blind people want to use the ATMs and therefore only have a silly, non-talking one with a screen, I had no choice but to ask and trust.

Hopefully will get it all back, although I'm not too optimistic about it. We'll just have to wait and see.

On a lighter note, I got my mooncup in the post today. I am excited to try it out, although I am not really looking forward to my period. It's cool I got it so quick though since I ordered it Monday. Another good thing is that the server I download audio described moovies from is suddenly letting me download at a normal speed. Usually it's slow and all the files fail.

I don't thinkI could be a pure sex blogger anyway. In order to be a sex blogger,I think you need to be able to have casual sex, something I highly doubt I can. I have the habbit of falling in love with anyone I have any kind of sexual or slightly romantic relationship with. To be honest, I've never even had casual sex, so I'm not sure if that would be the case. However, I had a strange kind of phone relationship thing going on with this guy. It started of as an msn flirt which turned into some pretty hot phone sex. Over time I guess I fell for him. I was also on a high after just having broken up with my first long term boyfriend, Flying Dutchman. A break-up that should have happened way before it actually did.

One day, after a few months of regular phone sex, hot texts and instant messaging, I decided to tell this guy I was crazy about him. He wasn't a stranger or anything, I had met him once at a camp/conference in Hungary, but not since. I was getting sick of the thing with him going nowhere. He had lots of excuses for not being able to meet up with me, which I believe were real excuses, but it was still odd that it could never happen. So, I picked up the courage and texted him in a lunch break between two uni classes. I think I wrote something like, "Hi. I just thought I'd let you know that I fancy you like crazy." Something along those lines. Afterwards, I had that feeling of just wanting to shoot myself, or disappear from the earth at least! When my phone vibrated in my pocket half an hour later, I was feeling tense and restless. The text from him read something along those lines. "As you know, I think you're really sexy and bright but I don't think it would work. One reason is distance, the other is the age gap. i think you'd be better off with and have more fun with someone who're at your stage in life. "

My first reaction was tears. I think this was more anger and tension release than anything. The distance I could understand, but the age gap? He was five years older than me and when you're past 20 I frankly don't think it matters at all. I sent him a few angry texts that day and felt down for a couple of days, but got over it pretty quickly. We're still good friends today and we did continue the phone sex for a while. I've told him though, that if he wants me again, he has to fuck me for real! He claims to have fantasized about me for the two years after that little incident which I find strange, seeing as he only saw me once in a work situation six months ago. I guess someone can hold fantasies alive, or he's just trying to flatter me. I don't care really. If something happens it does and if not, it doesn't. I think already having a bit of a history with him will help me not to fall in love with him. I think it would be an over all problem for me with other guys though, with whom I don't have a history.

I know this post has been a whole lot of waffling, so sorry about that. I'm gonna go for lunch in Hammersmith tomorrow, or later today technically, with HMF, HB, Baby G, Miss C and possibly some other people. Then one of my best friends who happens to be the number 1 goalball player in Britain has invited me to come and play in Bucks tomorrow evening. I used to be on the Norwegian national team and I became Norwegian champion once, but had to quit because of an enormous amount of work in Highschool. Not that I did any homeworks if I could finish it off at school, but our school system is very socialistic which means constant groupwork, constant group projects and lots of researching and handing in, of course in groups which had to be done outside class. I really want to play goalball, but the trip to Bucks which takes 90 minutes and involves tube, train and bus changes puts me off a little. I'll have a think and make my mind up some time tomorrow afternoon.

Off to bed now!

Tuesday evening I went over to HB and Miss C for dinner. We ordered an Indian take away and the first part of the evening HB was entertaining me by finding the most cheesy music channel on TV where they played Aqua, Spice girls and other track I am ashamed to say I liked as a kid. He critiqued me for not having behaved like a very depressed person. I spent most of that day, when I wasn't using the g-twister that was, listening to hardrock and write in my blog. According to him, I should have eaten chocolate and listened to Celine dion! He's just great! Then, because I hate it so much, he made me listen to the 83 different versions of "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" from Itunes, driving both me and Miss C crazy! The only torture I can think of which is worse than that, is being tied and gagged with a pear of headphones being forced to listen to Mariah Carey's "Make it through the rain" on full blast, the only song that actually gave me a headache first time I heard it! They also put on South Park and some stand-up commedy which made me laugh till I cried.

It's funny how, when you fall in love with somebody, you fall in love with a lot of things that concerns, or is part of that persons life. In this case, I have now fallen in love with the West coast Canadian and American accent, Loveline and the Adam Carolla show, M's favourite shows, and a special appreciation for Canadian artists. Yeah, I know it's kind of pathetic. Especially since I wasn't a fan of the Adam Carolla show when I first heard it. But I did like him on Loveline, which he unfortunately is no longer co-hoasting.

Yesterday morning, I lay in bed listening to one of my recorded Loveline shows with Adam and Dr Drew. I just love that man! Drew I mean. He sound so.... caring! I wish I could talk to him about my problems, because when he answers questions from listeners, he does it in such a good way, it almost feels like he can solve anything! For those of you who don't know Loveline, it is a show where Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla, up to two years ago, used to get phone calls from listeners asking different questions concerning love, sex and other things. Dr. Drew, a professional doctor, would answer the questions, while Adam would come with funny comments. I'm gonna have to go through all my Loveline recordings to see if anyone has any similar problems to me to hear what Dr. Drew says. So far, I've listened to two shows and from what I understand It will take him six months at least to get over, um, things? and me six months to get over him. I really hope something happens before that time. six months seems like an eternity!

Anyway, I really wouldn't mind going for another Canadian or North American. the accent really is a turn on. How to find hot, sexy single Canadians and Americans in London, who have brains humour and a good personality is gonna be a challenge. Not because that's rare for the guys over there, but finding that particular kind of guy in London I mean.

I spent the afternoon with HMF. Her flat is really gorgeous and I am hoping that I can move to that part of London soon. I live too far out and I don't really like my neighbour hood all that much. We had a great time. We haven't been friends for long, but I feel like I've known her for ages. Some people are just like that.

HB really is a sweet person. I can't count the amount of times he's come up to my desk, patted my shoulder and ask me if everything's ok. There is also this girl, Baby G, whom I never felt I got on with before. She's a nice girl, but somehow our personalities clash. Today however, the tone between us have been a lot better. Maybe we're becoming friends?

It's been a long day. Felt really horny when I woke up this morning, but no time for playing, so it'll have to be tonight. That G-twister seriously does wonders! I used it yesterday while listening to Loveline. I responded better to it than the day before. Wondering how it will go today!

I've been thinking a little, and have decided to have a weekly thing where I write about fantasies. That's one fantasy every friday!

 Http://www.hmfengingeering.com