This is a herbal medicine. Green in colour the leaves have thorny edges. The most valuable part is the centre of the leaf, while it is very cool when touched. A very special feature of this herb is that it can be grown in pots as well as on the grand. It is used to treat burn injuries. Because of its cooling and slimy effect it can be applied to reduce burn and to cause a soothing effect. In the past almost any home in the village would not fail to have a komerika plant in the garden.
Another special feature of this plant is that a leaf once cut through the middle will grow again. It docs not require any fertilizer. It grows almost any where. It even grows between rocks and on sandy soil. A leaf is about eighteen inches in length. A bush will have around 8 to 10 leaves. It can be stated that komarika is an essential plant in the lives of people.

Tomorrow, I'll be flying to Indiana for what may be the last time.  I'm surprisingly not sad.  But that may change.

This time tomorrow, I'll be at the house I grew up in ... a massive, 6000 square foot limestone edifice on a prominent corner in a small Midwestern town.  Everyone is from somewhere, and I'm from Bedford, Indiana.  My family has lived in that town for several generations, on both sides.  The Pattons and Rays (Dad's side) for longer than I'm aware of.  Mom recently went down to a cemetery in Sinking Spring to find some old graves.  I've written about my paternal grandfather before ... the fireman on the Monon Railroad.

The Fursts were part of the local gentry.  Carl Furst, my great-grandfather, founded The Carl Furst Stone Company, which had quarries to the north just outside Bloomington.   He'd immigrated from Germany, and from what I'm told, Carl and Louisa never lost their accents.  Mom tells a story about Carl sitting down at his drawing board to design the mausoleum with the words "I chust design my new office".  He was a skilled artist and draftsman, if the charcoal drawings hanging on my wall are any indication.

The house I'll be in tomorrow night was built by Carl in 1901.   An impressive and imposing American Foursquare.  3 finished floors, plus the basement.  The servants lived in the attic, an open space with beautiful hardwood floors and gamboled ceiling.  I'm not certain what transaction brought the house from my great-grandparents to my great aunt Tusnelda, but she remuddled the place.  It had originally been built with an open grand entrance that opened up into the formal sitting room ... but Tutti closed that all in to create a long entry hall.  A grand staircase comes immediately off the front hall to the upstairs, where there are 4 bedrooms.  On the fist floor, the hallway opens into a formal living room.  To the left is a huge bathroom (which used to be Carl's office ... thanks Tutes), and the formal sitting room.  Yes, they're different.

The dining room is separated from the living room by only a false partial wall, and the dining room flows into the kitchen.  On the back, the back porch was enclosed to make a family room, where we all sat to watch TV.  Outside, a massive limestone wrap-around front porch was adorned with turned limestone blustarades supporting the railing ... and massive turned limestone columns support the porch roof.   I'm looking forward to posting some pictures of the place.  I have some around somewhere, but they're on some disk I can't find, so I'll be sure to take plenty.

Anyway, the house has been the Furst / Patton house for over 100 years.  And now, it has to be sold.

Mom's moving down here.  The reasons are many, and good.  She's 80, she lives alone in 3 rooms of that great big house.  A steep stairway in the back leading down to the back yard and driveway is treacherous in the winter time for anyone ... let alone an octogenarian.  So, it's time for her to move down here.  Both my sister Busy and I are here, and she needs to be nearer family, and there's nothing for us to do in the little town of Bedford ... and I wouldn't give up the beach in any case.

But it's sad.  I'm going back for probably the last time to the house I grew up in.  I haven't lived there since 1986, I think.  I've barely been back there in the last 10.   But nobody wants to see the house they grew up in sold ... and particularly not one that's been in the family for over 100 years.  But the reality of the situation is that the taxes are confiscatory on that big old house, and the gas bills are huge even on the budget plan.  It has a gas fired boiler that circulates hot water through radiators.  It's big and drafty and the limestone construction I think provides most of the insulation.

Who ever buys that house is going to love it.  I don't know if I'll ever see it though, once they've had a chance to do what ever they're going to do.  I don't know that I want to.

I'll see my cousin John and his wife Jane, but unfortunately not his brother Bob.  I don't know when I'll see those guys again either.

So, back to Indiana we go tomorrow.  I'm a Floridian now.  I love the Hoosier state.  It's beautiful.  I love the rolling hills and stone and small towns and colors in the fall.

But it's not home any more.  The last time there was an ocean in Indiana was several million years ago ... according to the fossils.  And Mom needs a smaller house.  You can go home again ... but not to stay.  I'll be back Tuesday night ... but the laptop is going with me, so the blogging will continue.

--scene--

THE Inn on the Park in Skegness could be refurbished and re-open as a community facility. That’s the vision of East Lindsey District Council after bringing the building back into its possession following a lengthy legal battle with the previous tenant.

After a meeting with Skegness District Councillors, it was agreed by those who attended that the District Council would explore funding opportunities with a view to creating an important new community building, which could include a museum and tearoom.

Although currently in a state of disrepair, Councillors Edginton, Pimperton, Milner and Byford were all keen for the building to be restored to its former glory.

East Lindsey District Council’s Business Manger for Property and Economic Development, Gary Sergeant, said: “I will now explore funding opportunities to establish what we can do with this building. Inn on the Park is an important part of Tower Gardens and it needs to be returned to a popular facility that everyone can enjoy,” he said.

Inn in the Park (Pavilion) History

The Inn on the Park was initially called the Pavilion, under the management of Fred Trevitt and was given to the people of Skegness, towards the late 1800s, by the 9th Earl of Scarbrough. It was then the focal point of Skegness for events, dancing, balls, tea rooms and even roller skating. Externally, the Victorian building has been largely unaltered in appearance since it was first built.

The Pavilion later became auction rooms and was almost destroyed by fire in 1976. Before becoming the Inn on the Park, the building was the American Diner.

Skegness Heritage Museum

Many people in Skegness would hope that this fine building will be turned into a heritage museum, operated by the Skegness Civic Society, incorporating a refreshment room and perhaps the Skegness Tourist Information centre. An ideal place to display what I'm sure is a vast collection of Skegness Memorabilia and Old Skegness Photographs, currently hidden in townsfolk's attics!

What do YOU think should happen to the Tower Gardens Pavilion?

NOTES taken from the Video AMERICA'S GODLY HERITAGE by DAVID BARTON

http://www.biblebb.com/files/HERITAGE.HTM

www.biblebb.com

John Butler Trio - Searching for Heritage

Keywords: (Report | Suggest)
africa ,,ancient ,architecture ,art, building ,cairo ,egypt ,egyptian, egyptology ,engrave ,famous ,giza, god, grave ,great, head ,heritage ,historical ,history ,holiday, landmark ,looking ,majestic ,monument ,mystery ,myths, nile ,old ,past,, pharaoh pyramid ,religion, religious, ruins ,sand ,sky ,sphinx, statue ,stone ,sunset ,symbol ,temple ,tomb, tourism ,travel ,worship ,

On July 24th Utah celebrates Pioneer Day or the Days of 47 which commemorates the entrance of the Mormon pioneers into the Salt Lake Valley. Whatever one may think of the theology of the Mormons or as they are correctly called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the trek of the Mormon pioneers is one of the epic journeys of faith in recorded history.

Facing religious and political persecution, the pioneers were driven from state to state and eventually found refuge in the Rocky Mountains. From these humble beginnings, a modern worldwide church has emerged and is now projected in the next 50-100 years at its present growth rate to emerge as the next great world religion.

The following are videos that cover some of the story and background of the pioneers and their trek to the west and also some of the fundamental beliefs of the church.

The Church's Official website:  www.lds.org

but i have a problem with all of this ethno-characterization. i'm expected to honor my irish and austrian heritage, which ultimately duke it out in the roman catholic arena of my upbringing as well. but my bloodline doesn't stop there. i'm 50% irish, but i'm only 25% austrian. guess i forgot to mention i've never known my fraternal grandfather on my mom's side. guess i also forgot to mention he was lebanese...and muslim. yep, i'm 25% lebanese. what's more, is this comes as a complete shock to anyone i mention this apparent anomaly to.

this is my grandfather, khalil. obviously, i won't post his full name for the sake that i think he's still alive. he lived in beirut for years after my mom and grandma fled to the US and presumably moved around the middle east - he was an oil engineer. rumor has it, he was killed in a bombing in algiers. i don't think he's dead. i can't prove it, but i can't disprove it either. i remember growing up knowing literally nothing about him. my grandma has refused my attempts to know him through her since i found out many years ago her current husband isn't my fraternal grandfather. don't get me wrong, i love him and he's the only grandfather i've ever known on my mom's side, but even when i was little, i knew i wasn't italian. my mom always played off being italian. she has very dark, kinky hair and olive skin. i'm pale as a ghost and have red hair. however, she's the spitting image of him and i have more of his physical traits than i thought.

fast forward at least a good ten years to my first year at depaul. from the start, i met two kids at our "premiere" that were of lebanese lineage. ali is the one i'll remember the most. even though i shared a meager common ethnicity with them, i knew nothing of it let alone the customs shared. they asked me, how the hell could i go around telling people i was of lebanese heritage and know nothing about it. the situation was too complicated to explain to them at the time and i eventually lost touch; something i regret to this day. i couldn't find a way to tell them that i wanted to find out about myself through them. considering i looked nothing like them and had the "whitest" name possible, it was tough not only relating to them, but also talking to them after a while. fast forward another three years and here we are. my mom and dad divorced and i'm able to actually attempt to explore my middle-eastern lineage. however, i'm no stranger to "islamophobia" that currently has a grip on the US. my mom endured over twenty years of prejudice from my father who ultimately forbade me from recognizing the heritage i shared with my mom. if he knew i had a tattoo on my arm of my grandfather's name in arabic, he'd disown me in a second...or at least stop paying half of my college tuition.

i guess my ultimate goal right now is to learn at least a little arabic and, hopefully, travel to beirut before i'm out of college. what's the difference? i learned german and some gaelic...i see no reason not to know arabic. i've always gone against the grain in terms of intellectualism. i get that from my "mother's father" as my grandma so begrudgingly puts it when i challenge her socio-political beliefs. ironically, neither me nor my mom got any math skills...his "fault" too, which makes no sense considering he was an engineer.

dead or not, i'd like to know him first-hand. i hope he's still alive, and if he is, that he'd want to meet me, and my mom again. i guess the moral to my story is that you can be desensitized to heritage or ethnicity. i look predominantly irish - as rightfully so - therefore i fit that niche. i could easily pass off my austrian heritage as well, removed only by name through marriage. but the lebanese is so subdued no one would ever assume otherwise. i lived my entire life with the same identity crisis my mother endured...the difference is that i'll find out eventually.

By TwoCircles.net staff reporter,

New Delhi: In order to introduce the history and civilization of historic Walled City area of Delhi to domestic and foreign tourists, the Municipal Corporation of Delhi (MCD) has decided to establish a Heritage Museum and a Tourist Information Centre at Lahori Gate.

The museum will showcase the history of old Delhi in five sections: pre-Mughal period, Mughal period, 1857 Revolution, 1857-1947 period and 1947-2008 period.

A research center and a heritage library will also be established at this place.

A website will be launched soon so that people could be able to have information about the area at clicks of mouse.

Pointing out the importance of the Heritage Museum, Mayor of Delhi, Aarti Mehra said “Old Delhi’s history is very old and everyone wants to know about it. When domestic and foreign tourists reach here, they get the information in piecemeal fashion, hence, the need for the Heritage Museum that MCD is going to build.”

She told that the proposal will be placed in the next meeting of the corporation on 14th July and as soon as it gets approved, work will be started on the project.

She further informed that since Vijay Goel, Member of Parliament from Chandni Chowk area in 2004, has shown much interest in this project and had donated Rs 50 lakh from his MP Fund, he will be appointed as the chairman of the advisory board of the museum.

There are also proposals to turn the old Town Hall into a Heritage Museum with facilities of a restaurant and a hotel, once the headquarters of the corporation shift to civic center situated at Minto Road.

USAToday had an article on men in the church here.

As Emily and I prepare to step out to plant a church, the lack of men in church and the need to focus on reaching them to create a spiritual heritage for future generations is a REAL BIG DEAL for me. There's generally not a significant Male Spiritual Heritage in my family.  I know first-hand what the affects of a spiritually luke-warm dad can be like on the spiritual condition of a family.  I want to start a legacy of faith in my family that explodes into the lives of other men and their families.  That's a recipe for true community transformation.

I've been reading and researching a lot of churches doing "manly" things.  I'm not 100% sure how far we're going to go at Transformation Church in Towson . . . but we're definitely not going to be the pansy-breeders that a lot of churches I've gone to over the years have become.

Can't help but remember what a preacher friend called my cohort of seminary students: "Yellow-bellied panty-wasters."  If that's what we're training preachers to be, no wonder the church is in such bad shape!

The Saints Helen and Constantine Greek Orthodox church is where Mike's mom grew up, along with all the Greek family on her side. Her father (my husband's "papouli" or Greek grandfather) and mother (Mike's "yiayia" or Greek grandmother) were members, and volunteered every year for the festival before yiayia passed away.

There was Greek dancing (the zorba dance among others was performed and plates were broken -OPA!) and gyros, athenian chicken, and the ouzo was flowing like water. I got a little choked up watching everyone from middle aged ladies to cassocked priests to toddlers putting arms around each others shoulders and performing the step-oriented dances while smiling and laughing.

It was beautiful to see traditions and customs from a culture so old to be carried out and celebrated in the American midwest by people so far removed from their origins. It wrenches my heart a little to realize that I had no such enrichment as a child. My father, when prompted to answer about our ancestors or heritage, would respond "we're Americans" and huff off to smoke his pipe and watch Rush Limbaugh.

My mother would tell me about her family's names, and what country they came from, but that was about all the information I could get from either of them.

I longed for that sort of information to be passed on to me, as a kid. Somehow it seemed that knowing where your ancestors came here from, essentially where you came from, made a person special. The world is a fascinating place, and the different cultures that have sprung up all over the globe really do fascinate me. But living in a place where so many of those cultures have come together and been re-written, disenfranchised, or smothered with non-regional dialect and behavior gets depressing sometimes. I feel, as an American, that whatever culture we do have (hotdogs? baseball? apple pie?) is so vague and commecialized that it lacks that ancient feel, that sacredness of tradition most of the time.

Sure, I wipe away a tear when I can afford to go to a live sporting event where the anthem is sung. Every fourth of July I think of my father and his father and the veterans and soldiers and philosophers who made this country what it is by their thinking and common sense and bloodshed. But every single one of those nostalgic experiences is tempered by the knowledge that this country we live in, that allows us the freedoms we have and the quality of life we expect these days, wasn't always ours. Someone in my family, many someones, at some point decided that America sounded like a great place to be. Somebody made the journey from wherever they were to here, and toughed it out as an immigrant with a family. Whoever those someone's were, they had traditions from somewhere else ingrained into them. They knew a place that was before America, before capitalism, and before multi-media centers and $8.00 bottles of water and $26 folding chairs on the lawn at an outdoor rock concert.

I want to know what those traditions were. What blood flows in my veins, and why do I fight a lump in my throat every time I hear a bagpipe blowing? How in the hell did I start to crave sauerkraut on my bratwurst?

America is beautiful, and there are really only a handful of other places I'd be willing to live at this point in my life... but I'm going to do my best to teach my boys about the rich cultures of their ancestors, even if I have to treat it like a research assignment.

moving house is inconvenient and certainly stressful, esp when it was unplanned and short notice, but it's small potatoes compared to the hardships my forebears endured, sometimes leaving all of their belongings behind in a flight for their very lives...  I'm grateful for the examples of my pioneer ancestors and for the legacy of faith they bequeathed to generations after them...

There by the garden you can see the beauty in a rose, finding time to relax and enjoy life is hard sometimes we as human beings are a lot of times busy, but when we do have those moments to stop, and dance, and picture the night sky, morning sky, and evening sky, it is a wonderful thing to be blessed with nature around,

Isn't it strange that these two men never met, yet one of them was willing to be the bigger person, and be kind to the man that was being a real pain in the neck, thats how life is sometimes with the problems we face, some of the problems we face are a pain in the neck, but we can always look at kindness, and try to understand, that we are all human, and the way we deal with a problem will determine the outcome of our relationship with others.

Over the past few weeks, one of my major projects has been designing and establishing a website for an Orthodox theologian friend of mine. As some of you may know already, I am Coptic Orthodox. Coptic pertaining to my ancestry, heritage, language and identity that stems from the land of Egypt and its original inhabitants (the descendants of the Ancient Egyptians). And the Orthodox part, well, I've copied and pasted from the website to explain that bit:

"In a nutshell, the Orthodox Church is the Church established by the Lord Christ upon the foundation of His Holy Disciples. The Orthodox Church is the Church that has mystically maintained a continuous, dynamic, and living communion with the ancient Apostolic Church, according to its faith, praxis, and sacramental life. It is the abode of the Holy Spirit and, hence, the repository of the fullness of truth which finds its expression in the Holy Scriptures, the teachings of the saintly Orthodox Fathers, the holy synods and councils of the Church—first and foremost the Three Ecumenical Councils—and the Liturgical life of the Church. "

So yeah, there you go. Just a little introduction to broaden your knowledge about the Orthodox church.

If you are interested in reading more or just want to check out the website, visit www.erkohet.com

If you have any questions, dont hesitate to ask :)

but the rich stories that unfolded in its time will remain eloquently written on its walls.

I have seen and heard stories of the other side of the Old Days especially during the war era.  I'm sure, a lot has remained burried deep in the brick walls, unknown to all .... if only the walls could whisper a word ... but perhaps, they do, that oftentimes when you walk into a room of an old building, words-in-silence are deafening and senses are awakened to muted stories only the inner ears could hear through an energy suppressed within the walls ... a mere assumption? imagination? or a monologue from a parallel vibration? ...   

(While in the car, we passed by this old building in the downtown area of the City. The sight of this old building (one of the many in this City) just made me grab my camera .... point and shoot.)

What do an arrowhead, a folksong, a Mark Butcher chair, a wooden plough, fossilized pollen and a Harris-designed church have in common? Well, at least two things: all are precious parts of the heritage of Prince Edward Island; and all will be included in a broad Island Heritage Study commissioned by the Government of Prince Edward Island.

I haven't read through their work on the blog yet, but I get the feeling that this could be an interesting partner should we decide to go for a version the heritage-storytelling-experience walk.

In this new world, what is in the past is unlikely to survive. Look around you. Kids do not play traditional games anymore; they would rather spend time on their computers and PS3s and Wii's. Kids do not wear what their parents used to wear anymore; boys pretend to be black in Americanised fashion and girls pretend to be cute in Taiwanese outfits. Kids do not take up what their parents live on anymore; why be an accountant or a lame business manager when you can travel the world or be an entrepreneur.

But it is a different story in places like Terengganu. A place built upon the pillars of traditions and heritage. What will become of it when the time comes for the past to dissolve and become nothing but the fake display in the deserted museum.

I thought I saw a flicker of sadness in the makcik and pakcik's eyes whenever we asked them if they have children taking up what they have been doing since young. They would shrug and say, "Ah, what can you do? Kids have better things to look forward to these days. They don't need these." But judging from the downhearted tone in their voices, you know they would still hope their children would continue on the family business. When the time comes, they could die a happy man/woman knowing what they have lived their life on will still be alive when they are long gone.

What they do, is something that involves the entire family. No child, boy or girl, big or small, is ever left behind in this affair. Like the families making Keropok Lekor, Sata and Otak-Otak, famous tidbits in Terengganu made mainly from fish paste.

For Keropok Lekor, it is an industry. While one family goes out to sea to catch fishes, another will await the catch of the day. While one family grinds the fish to paste, another shapes them to boil. These food staples are so famous they got families - lots of them - making it. Every street you go down on, there will be at least one stall set up selling Keropok Lekor. In this case, such heritage is hard to die. Because it has become more than a heritage. It has become a breathing entity.

Modernisation is a two-edged sword when it comes to prevailing a heritage. Some may embrace it, bringing their industry to greater heights. Some will frown at it, seeing it as a threat to kill what they have known their entire life.

There is this makcik who wakes up at 3 in the morning since she was a young girl to make kuih akak, another famous Malay food in Terengganu, and selling them to fixed shops who in turn sell them to the public. The day has come and gone when modernisation came a-knocking and introduced an oven to help better their baking process. But the makcik would rather stick to the traditional way. She would still make the kuihs cooked on charcoals and covered under layers and layers of coconut shells. The old skool kind of oven, as the tour guide put it. It is something you do not see everyday.

But what amazed me more than seeing this makcik still living in the olden days, is seeing kids no older than I taking up the family legacy.

There is a famous wau-maker, who makes traditional Malay kites to professional wau-flyers. And he has got these guys, who would swing by to help carve the colour papers to perfection and cut the bamboos to make the kite frames.

And there is this girl, who is just a year older than me, and she spends every day of her life under her family's house and by the songket-weaving machine. From 9 to 5 every day, perhaps an hour or two's break, but every day, just sitting by the machine, memorising the torpedo's count and weaving the silky patterns onto the cloth. And it's not like an entire piece could be done in a day; she could only manage a few inches of it in a day and most songkets take roughly a month to finish. There is no manual or directory to teach her how to operate the machine, or what kind of pattern to take up. She grew up watching her mother doing this, and just like that, she knows. It is like the threads are weaved into her blood veins.

And there are these kids who would rather play gasing during their spare time, instead of video games. The kampung leader takes great pride in them little ones because they win awards with their favourite toy. Boys and girls dressed up in traditional Malay wears greeted us with their gasing-playing tactics. Watching them spinning the top on their thumbs, and throwing it from one player to another. Not to mention, they are good at it too.

I am a Chinese who grew up in the city, so it was an eye-opening trip to go into the depths of a Malay village and watch children and elderly breathe to life the traditions I have only read about in primary school textbooks. And as a city-dweller, it was a journey to rediscover simplicity and humility.

You don't see things like these anymore. Even the people we visit, they are the sole makers left. In a kampung that used to have families making brassware or Keropok Lekor, today there are only a handful of them left. It makes me wonder what will become of these legendary heritage in ten years' time. But somehow, after seeing the little ones living up to the traditions, I know it will not just disappear one day. If it were to go down in flames one day, they will let it burn bright red all the way.

Apparently the city has bought the Heatley Block on Hastings Street with the intention of tearing it down to build a new city library. The Heatley Block is an important heritage apartment building and storefront (1931) attached to two houses also slated for demolition - built in 1889 and 1889. In its place the city is proposing an 8-story modern building, which will significantly change the character of that part of Strathcona.

But there are alternatives!

Please go to these sites dedicated to the preservation of the Heatley Block and get involved with the fight to save what little historic East Vancouver is left:

• Heatley Block @ Blogspot
• Strathcona-Hastings.org
• Heritage Vancouver - Top Ten Endangered Sites 2008

It is not too late to bring options to the city for discussion. We encourage everyone who cares about the preservation of East Vancouver heritage sites to let the city know of your concerns and support the proposal to locate the library into the old Strathcona School site instead.

Unhappy with the decision, she suggests her husband is "...basically throwing me out on the street."

With $750,000 from a prenuptial agreement, which she agreed to, and which the judge enforced. What's not to like about that? Oh, I know, she won't be living the lifestyle she's accustomed to, is that it?

The $750,000 Mean Street

Maybe she should do something to earn the money that will let her live the lifestyle she was accustomed to. Or, better yet, she should get over herself and join the rest of the world's non-millionaires.

I mean, it must be a rough street to live on when you can just pay cash for a new home, new car and go back to college if you like...or start your own business.

Who in their right mind likes that kind of whiner, really? Someone whining because they only received $750,000 in a divorce settlement is about the last person on Earth you would want to have to endure for company. I say about only because there are those that whine about getting millions in a divorce settlement. Now, if she had to go dig through a trash can for her meals, I would cut her some slack, but folks, that just isn't the case.

I'm sorry, but if you can buy a lear jet or 60' sailboat with your divorce settlement (even used), you don't qualify for being "put out on the street" status. Literally, billions of people around the world would love to be in your shoes.

And if you're going to argue that her attorneys will get a lot of that, so what? She would have it all if she had simply agreed to the terms of the prenuptial agreement and not hired one. I have no sympathy for her at all.

Let's look at what earned her a paltry $750,000 settlement.

Is Spousal Support An Antiquated Practice We Should Abolish?

The notion that someone is entitled to someone else's retirement funds, wages, or anything else if they do something to end a marriage is antiquated and the sort of inequality that still exists but that you won't see feminists doing anything about. The notion you should have to support a former spouse has no place in a modern, enlightened society when you get right down to it. The notion of legal partnerships being more of a basis for a relationship than those things which make a marriage relationship--such as love, fidelity, trust, caring about another, etc.---is part of the reason we have so many attorneys who help create more and more messy breakups by sticking their nose in the middle of what would have otherwise been amicable dissolutions of relationships.

It's all about money and who can get as much as they can or hold on to as much as they can. What ever happened to two people going their way with what is theirs? Their debt, their income, their possessions, their choices and the repercussions thereof.

The Life We Choose

I know, I can hear those women who will whine about "I gave up my life to have kids..." Yes, YOU DID. You chose to get married. You chose to have kids. And certainly there is a responsibility towards those kids. But that doesn't change the fact that in a divorce, former spouses shouldn't support former spouses. What needs to change, if anything, is putting responsibility in such cases (where those in a marriage feel they need equity and equal opportunity and time and fun and whatever else one sacrifices when raising kids) back on both parents to do their share in raising children. Even if it means fathers being stay at home dads for a couple years and then switching off as things go along. All things that should be decided ahead of time. What tends to get ignored in those cases where many women suggest they "gave up" something to raise their kids is the fact that SO DID THE HUSBAND/FATHER.

He gave up time with the children and his wife and time away from things he might like to do, and took on additional responsibilities as well. How then should a woman feel she is somehow owed for what she gave up---while the man shouldn't be compensated for what he gave up? It's like there is something unfair or wrong or to not like about being with or raising children in the first place in the minds of many. If that's the case, you shouldn't have had any to begin with. Sure, I would be all for having a working spouse help cover the relocation and resettling costs by a non-working spouse...but after that, their life is their responsibility, not their former spouse's.

But, if you willingly choose to get married, have kids, and stay at home...well, that's YOUR CHOICE. If at a later time, you regret your choice, someone else shouldn't have to support you because YOU DIDN"T THINK AND PLAN EVERYTHING TO THE EXTENT YOU SHOULD HAVE. And that includes the husband as well. I'm all for there being a plan by both, agreements worked out ahead of time. Perhaps that's what we need, is to embrace the whole legal mess attorneys have created in order to eliminate it. I mean if both a couple were required to sign a prenuptial and agree to the terms in order to get married, there should be no need for attorneys in a divorce at all.

Getting Lawyers Out Of The Equation

The judge can just see what the prenuptial states, and adjudge the case accordingly. To each what they agreed to. A responsible thing. Eliminate attorneys altogether from the equation and send them back to dealing with criminal and corporate law or chasing ambulances. If the couple has had joint income (say, due to a business venture), make them produce the appropriate documents stating the percentage of partnership/incomes due, and assets and debts, revenue statements...from there, it's all simple math.

The Marriage Didn't Turn Out Like It Was Supposed To?

I am sure a lot of women will cry foul at my suggestion. Probably make statements like, "But what if he turns out to be an asshole or you just can't get along and he's basically broke the promise you made with your love?" I'm not unsympathetic and I understand where you're coming from.

Couples Need To Take Responsibility For Their Actions

Perhaps you should have taken more time to get to know the person, though? Perhaps you should have money in savings (instead of wasting it all on one day out of vanity, which makes sense, right?) so that if you need to leave that whole excuse many abused women use to suggest that they can't---because of finances or not having a place to stay---is eliminated? I'm not suggesting anything remotely like women are responsible for abuse in those cases, either, so hold your rantings inside. What I am suggesting is that we are all responsible to some degree for our own well-being, and if you choose to put yourself in a bad situation and then choose again to stay there, you have as much culpability in the crap you endure for simply not standing up for yourself.

I've heard more women than I care to whine about some guy, but who they keep going back to because "he's really nice...unless he just got out on parole again, or is on crack, or when he's not shooting up smack with my brother, or when he's not beating the crap out me, or when he's not trying to sleep with my sister..."

Yeah? Is there anything inside your head besides dead air space? If so, try using it.

If someone wants to argue the psychological aspects of it, tell it first to the rest of society who teaches women to be weak, not stand up for themselves, condones abuse, ignores those things like child abuse which create unhealthy mindsets in the first place, and to those men who won't stand up for a woman---be she a member of their family or a complete stranger. When YOU have sufficiently crusaded and/or complained to others enough and changed the society we live in by doing YOUR part to ensure many women don't have or use that psychological crutch of the weak to lean on in the first place by destroying that mentality of self-pity, THEN YOU CAN COMPLAIN TO ME...and I might listen.

I'm doing my part right now. And I've done my part by taking more than one piece of crap to task that seemed to think it makes them tough to beat a woman (or to call them all sorts of vulgarities in public places). As far as I'm concerned, it is the rest of society that refuses to hold people accountable for their behavior towards others, for the mentality they spread and allow to spread, and for not employing tough love to tell someone "if you don't like the results, change what you're doing." Or punching some asshole right in his pie-hole and knocking a few teeth out as a reminder that his behavior is unacceptable. If that makes me a monster, I'm glad to own up to my fangs.

[NOTE: to those who intend to whine about violence and how punching an abusive jerk would be promoting more of the same, blah blah-blah blah... Give it a rest. Violence does solve certain issues, mostly surrounding the issues of personal safety. In fact, that's the best justification for it in the world. And quit being hypocritical: it it weren't for violence, you wouldn't have the benefit of enlightened thinking of Western civilization that gives you a right to vote, live in a free country and decry the only reason you aren't a slave in a far away land...or the right to take self-defense classes and carry a concealed weapon that would let you shoot anyone trying to beat you dead. But hey, really, tell me how waking someone up to the wrongness of their actions, even if a bit rudely (and it isn't like they don't mind rudeness themselves, beating women or children, right?) is somehow wrong.]

Back to the point, what if the guy turns into a real jerk later in the marriage? Did he break "the promise?"

I don't know...does that mean if you get fat, take up collecting Oreo cookie package wrappers as a hobby, and let yourself generally go---and no longer appear worth all the money I'm spending to keep you in the lifestyle to which you became accustomed (and which I can no longer enjoy because you're putting me in debt)---that I should say, "Sorry, but you broke the promise?"

People need to discuss expectations when going into a marriage. Then think, and plan and most importantly take responsibility. Believe me, I learned the importance of it the hard way myself.

I think we need Federal legislation that makes pre-marriage planning and prenuptial agreements mandatory. And if there are points of contention, only public defenders should be allowed/assigned to a divorce case. Taking the money out of ruining lives will bring some sense of sanity and humanity back into our society and make it more civil than it is now.

If nothing else, maybe the media will have to actually look for real news to write about and my blog posts won't be so boring to write.

Here's her second video on the subject where she whines about not being able to have her plays produced. Oh, don't you just pity her? I think she believes she's too good to wash dishes or something. Complaining about your expensive attorneys after stating "In New York, if you don't have money, you're nobody," somehow doesn't earn you any sympathy at all in my book.

[Update: Now there's a woman who was awarded $150,000 because her fiance called off the wedding. This is fucking idiocy at its worst. No wonder this country is going to hell.

She complained that "...her fiance's promise of marital bliss amounted to a binding contract," according to the article on WSBTV.com's website.

Really? I ought to be able to go back and sue my ex wife for breaking a contract then shouldn't I? What about the ex girlfriend's who said we were going to have blissful futures together?

I can't stand anything about our legal and justice systems in this country, nor about the kinds of people that push our country in the direction of this kind of stupidity. Everything is this insane "you fucking owe me" mentality.

What's next? I wouldn't be surprised if some asinine lawyer starts advising people spouses should be payed a salary to perform their functions. You know, I can already hear someone wondering at both ends of the spectrum about it---one about how life will suck because they will only be able to afford a $300 per month spouse (not much left after the bills are paid) or face a life of living single...and the one who is wondering about what they might be entitled to for $10,000 per month. I mean, surely threesomes and doing windows and cooking will at least be included for that, right?

$150,000 because you made a bad romantic choice? I ought to be a friggin millionaire by now.]

Despite working in Hursley for over 10 years I've never been to Merdon Castle, mostly because it isn't open to the public. Still, might have to investigate one lunch time.

Site of Merdon Castle

© Copyright Jon S and
licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence.