My favourite time of the day.........(pic taken- 23-7-2008, 7:15pm)

lavender cushion

of day

glittering headlights

on road

raven black flights

on sky

dancing leaves

with balmy breeze

sonorous vibration

on ear drums

heartbeats telepathy

inside body

No words left to say...

Whenever I try to 

take steps.......

Eternity comes

to keep

grains

of tranquility

in my vacant lap.

The song is called Heartbeats

González, a Swedish-Argentine singer/song-writer has had reviews from "The Guardian" as follows: "This music doesn't simply demand stillness and quiet, it creates it, spinning a gauzy bubble inside which time, as measured by the noisy, conventional world, seems to slow. Such is Gonzalez's command of this etherised other realm that there are moments of supreme intensity when you feel your heartbeat stop, then - a kind of weightlessness into which rushes a lovely panic as you're reminded of the brilliant terror of being alive." (The Guardian)

Jose Gonzalez will be performing at

Regents Park Open Air Theatre 2008

31/08/2008

Open Air Theatre,

Inner Circle,

Regents Park,

London

NW1 4NR

Jose Gonzalez will be performing at

Roadmender, Northampton, Northamptonshire,  GB
Fri 29 Aug 2008, 19:00

Buy Tickets for Jose Gonzalez in Northampton

Jose Gonzalez will be performing at

Carling Academy Liverpool, Liverpool,  GB
Wed 15 Oct 2008, 19:00

Buy Tickets for Jose Gonzlaez in Liverpool

Jose Gonzalez will be performing at

The Royal Theatre, Co Mayo,  IE
Sun 3 Aug 2008, 20:00

Buy Tickets for Jose Gonzalez in Co Mayo

Having a cat one day. Moving into a new apartment and transforming it into a cozy home.

Writing a book which would have a story, but also a very personal side to it.

Visiting Mexico. Getting a training and own experience in therapy.

Having kids. Teaching at a university. Travel a lot.

Becoming a real, REAL psychologist.

Having a fulfilling relationship.

Living my dreams.

i'm really quite excited and looking forward to the time we'll be spending together - exploring a new destination and going through some new experiences along the way.

wish me all the best! i can't wait!

तुमको अजनबी रास्तों में
अपना हमसफ़र बना लें
मेरा जीना मरना तुमसे
ख़ुद को मिटा दें... कह दो...

चेहरे पर हया रहने दो
चाँद पे बादल उड़ने दो
बेचैन धड़कनें रवाँ-रवाँ
यह शाम बुझा दें... कह दो...

लोगों के कहने पर मत जा
मुझको और ना तड़पा
यह प्यार ख़त्म न होगा
ख़ुद को भुला दें... कह दो...

I miss you. I really, honestly, miss you. I want to feel your lips brush against my neck. I want to feel you breathe my scent as you nuzzle my neck gently. I want to feel your hands travel down my back and rest on the curve of my hip. I want to feel our legs entwined in a tangled mess in between the soft sheets. I want to feel your presence behind me and your body envelope mine. I want to feel your fingertips drumming a familiar rhythm as they travel down my tummy. I want to be buried beneath your body and let these feelings overwhelm me. I want to reach up and run my fingers along your shoulder blades and down your arm. I want you to reach underneath and run your tongue along my neck and down my collar bone. I want to lean my head against your chest and synchronise my breaths to your soothing heartbeat. I want to be lulled to sleep by the quiet heaving of your chest.

I want to close my eyes then open them and see you. I want to be with you, physically. I want you to be real.

I miss you. I really, honestly, miss you.

Wow. The begining of that sentence was almost as bad as the ultrasound technician excusing herself after 30 seconds of my very first ultrasound. She had hardly put the wand to my belly before leaving the room..... I began to pray. My worst nightmare had come true...

I am a worrier. I worry about what people think of me (shallow, maybe, whatever), I worry about what to wear every day (it's commonplace for me to change outfits three times before I find the "right" thing to wear, even if i'm headed to the grocery store), I worry about flying on airplanes, driving with my kids in the car, I worry about blowing up at the gas station. I'm paranoid about our house catching on fire or leaving the oven on or a candle burning.

I worry that I worry too much.

(What a wierd word - worry.) (Alliteration, I love it.)

Needless to say when I found out I was pregnant, I worried. I worried my baby would not have arms or legs. It would come out with its face rearranged like a Picasso painting. The baby would never grow teeth so we'd have to get fake ones put in when it got old enough. The baby would have to live through a feeding tube due to some wierd genetic problem. The baby would be born with its organs on the outside. The baby would be born with every imaginable awful disease known to man. Worst of all, as my ultrasound date neared I became sure that my child would be stillborn. Certainly, that would be the worst thing to ever happen to my unborn child. And at our first ultrasound, there it would be, undeveloping with no heartbeat anymore.

The heartbeat. WOW. The heartbeat. Like horses racing at the Track. Pudadum Pudadum Pudadum Pudadum. That was the coolest thing ever. We had heard it a month before at my very first doctor's appointment. She took a while to find the heartbeat but after searching my entire belly she was able to find it! Joy to my ears, the first proof to me (other than my excruciating morning, noon, and night sickness)...it was my baby saying "hi mom and dad, i'm in here!" Life created inside of me. The heartbeat. 

(Note to Reader: I write "heartbeat", not "heartbeats". Once the doctor found the "heartbeat" we didn't look farther for second beat... why would we? I had no idea I've been dropping multiple eggs.)

So, back to the first ultrasound... I was up all night before our appointment. I couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning, I kept imagining the worse, preparing myself for the worse. I was sure the heartbeat had disappeared, sure that this gift from God had been taken away. Baby had been sent to Hubby and myself as a sign that we were meant to be together and that this long-distance relationship was worth the distance. (We had both prayed for a sign earlier in the month we conceived...God is a funny guy...) So when the ultrasound technician excused herself from the room.... I was sure the worst news was to come.

Well. It wasn't the worst news. As per usual, my worrying was for no reason. In fact, I had worried about just the wrong things. I hadn't worried that maybe there were two babies. In fact, it hadn't crossed my mind other than when friends joked about teeny, tiny me having twins or triplets! "That'd be hysterical. You'd be bigger than a house!", they'd say. HAH. Little did we all know...

So the technician comes back in the room and begins the dreaded sentence:

"Well, usually we wait for the doctor to give the patient this kind of information..." Hubby is holding my hand... "Congratulation kids," she says, "You're having twins!"

I shot straight up from lying down into a seated position. "WHAT?!?!?!?!"

"WHAT?!?! Are you serious?", says Hubby.

"WHAT?! Wait. What?!?!", I say. And start to burst into a fit of the giggles.

When I'm nervous or at inappropriate times (funerals, Mass, etc) - I giggle. I can't help it.

And there they were, our two little peanuts. That's what they looked like: peanuts. All my worrying and there they were, with TWO heartbeats.

Hubby paced the tiny ultrasound room while the techncian (flustered from her find and also from the fact that she wasn't familiar with doing scans of more than one baby) continued to count arms and legs, measure the babies, checked the heartrates, and got us a beautiful picture of our kids. Head to Toe...

Our wild, crazy, unexpected life had just begun.

[audio http://thelooks.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/the-knife-heartbeats.mp3]Click to download The Knife- Heartbeats

I don't usually include many nylon stringers in my posts, but this is worth hearing if you haven't heard it. It is Jose Gonzalez the Swedish born musician of Argentian descent. The song is called Heartbeats. He's capoed up at fret one, it's extremely beautiful, played perfectly and is the vocal line works well against the guitar part.

My bestest friend and avid blogger, Nici, aka: Dig This Chick, from Montana, challenged me, and some other bloggers, to share our favorite music: past and present.

Here's the challenge:

THE ORIGINAL RULES:
List seven songs you are into right now. Tag seven other people to see what they are listening to.

Nici's TWIST:
List seven albums you were into ten years ago.

And because I love music, I decided to play along. So here's what I said, with a couple of changes because it means I get to add more....

Current Obsessions:

The Bluebellies have to be on my list, because the lead singer is super hot (see photo above) and I love songs about chickens. But because I am engaged to the lead singer, they don't count, so this is just a shameless plug.

Bon Iver, love love his whole album. His voice fills my soul with love and I get all emotional. Favorite songs: skinny love and flume.

Thao Nguyen. She is amazing rocking little woman, especially when you see her live. Favorite songs: Bag of Hammers (click to see a cute video) and Beat.

Modest Mouse jumped on my list 4 years ago with album 'Good News for People Who Love Bad News.' And my current old favorite song of theirs is Baby Blue Sedan.

Flight of the Conchords: If that's what you're into tied with Business Time (click to see cute videos.)

The Knife sung originally by Heartbeats and then remade by Jose Gonzales, I like both versions equally but for different mood swings.

M Ward's Chinese Translation... (click to see a cute video.)

And for the last one... this is so hard because I have a million others... but here goes:

The Bright Eyes song: First Day of my Life makes me well up every time (cute video.)

And as for my favorites 7 years ago... it was more about albums and less about songs... maybe that is evidence as to how the music industry has changed with the ipod shuffle phenomenon.

Counting Crows: August and Everything After. Still love it, but it is a little embarrassing to admit now, because everything after their 'everything after' album is not so good.

Indigo Girls: Swamp Ophelia. I was singing at the top of my lungs in the car with Nici.

Outcast: Aquemini. I went to UGA (go dawgs) and saw them in concert, way before Hey-Ya, although they are a good example of a group that actually improves with time.

Sublime: Sublime (all-purpose cd just like flour.)

Dave Matthews Band: Under the Table and Dreaming (it was unavoidable.)

Smashing Pumpkins: Adore.

Ani diFranco: Living in Clip

Feel free to post your lists in the comments below, or post on your own blog and link, either way, it's fun to discover new music.

Ready. Set. Go!

At night, I light a lamp
So even in the long dark hours
The little spark of my thoughts of you
Could light the moment
As I read my life's pages back
To the times
When you were still with me.

If you need a quiet place,
A perfect haven to rest;
Come let me be,
You can lie on my chest.

There you will hear a single sound,
A love song at its best;
It's there that you will hear,
The whisper of my heartbeats.
Hey, stay with me
And let me be
Your quiet place to rest.

I was thinking... I know I am too emotional a lot of times. I get disappointed, angry, jealous, pissed, sad, offended, hopeless. Sometimes I cannot handle my feelings and I am not proud of that. But people around me should know that it is a sign of the fact that I love them and I care. The day when I become this logical and quiet person, they should know they lost me.

I didn't write you, though. I don't know why. And now, when I found your old emails... "...not even million burning cigarettes can be compared to your hot body..." Do you remember? Do you remember that night and that email? Your words are as one of those burning cigarettes, they bring back everything we once felt. Together. I almost forgot.

Does it matter what happened in the end? Once, you loved me.

You call me beautiful not because of how I look, but because of how you feel. You kiss me in the middle of crowds to show people that I am yours and only yours. I can always count on you to whisper cute little things in my ear at random moments. You always put your hand out first when we're walking together. You always know when to call me, so that your voice is the first sound I hear to start to my day. You let me play with your hair whenever I want, and you know I will even if it is greasy and unwashed. You make cute little faces because you know it makes me laugh and you know I'll kiss you anyways. You always make sure that whenever we're together, we make every second a memory. You hold my hand, kiss me, and tell me you love me in front of your friends, not worrying about what they'll say. You give the best hugs and I can always feel the beating of your heart as my head rests against your chest. I always have to get on my tiptoes to kiss you. You respect everything there is about me. We're always different and do weird things, simply because we can. The way we look at each other lets everyone know we are each other's everything. No matter what it is you're doing, you always seem to amaze me. You always make me feel comfortable enough to share my thoughts and feelings with you. You always tell me the truth, even if its not what I want to hear. You're always yourself around me, even if I dislike some of the things you do.

I could point out all of your flaws and imperfections, but I like much more to look past them and love you for who you are. I love the sense of laying next to you and memorizing the way you breathe, the way you blink, the way you move, the way your heart beats. I wish I could record every moment we're together and everything we do - every hug, every kiss, every argument, every look, every walk, every touch, everything - and play it all back to you when you feel like you're not enough. I wish I could prove to you that you are enough. You keep me alive and make me forget that there is a world outside of being in your arms. You make me feel like if I were anywhere with anyone else, something would be missing. I love piecing together the meaning and strength behind every mumble you make when you're too tired to string together the words you need to form a sentence. You're always so sure of yourself in my eyes. There is nothing questionable or doubtful about us. We're not perfect - nor will we ever be perfect - but maybe what we have is more than perfection could bring together. Maybe what we have is past the point of perfection. The love we have for each other's imperfections makes up for everything. That's the beauty and truth behind you and I and after all that -

Our hands could have held anything they wanted to,
but they still chose to hold each other.

The Knife - Heartbeats

Once back at work, tons of emails and preparing for my work trip to Helsinki, Finland have kept me so busy that I haven't managed to blog about my Bangkok trip in richer details.

It has been only less than a week, and I had to go off to Helsinki again. Although it's supposed to be the beginning of summertime here, it's still at an extremely chilly 5 deg cels. i'm freezing my toes off as we speak.

i've been here for almost 2 days now but haven't managed to do any sightseeing...my days are occupied with seminars (afterall, this is a work trip) but i'm hoping to get some free time during my trip to look around and get the feel of this city.

it's almost 2AM in this part of the world now and i really should hit the bed before i start dozing off in my seminars tomorrow, or technically, today.

more later!

sweet dreams to me, and good morning to you.

p/s: and i'm missing you dearly. really wish that you were here too.

And you learn that love does not mean leaning,
and company does not always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts
and presents are not promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult,
not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because
tomorrow's ground is too uncertain, for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you
get too much. So you plant your own garden and
decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure that you really
are strong and you really do have worth.

And you learn and you learn with every good-bye you learn.

Author: Virginia Shopstal