The Dark Knight is over two hours but you don't notice it. From the first set-piece with six paranoid goons carrying out a robbery for the unknown 'Joker' to the final climax, the film rattles through at a fantastic pace, but never losing track of the deep characterisation that's become a feature of Nolan's films.

The stunts are breath-taking (you can only wonder what they must have looked like on the IMAX) and the whole plot unravels with a plenty of twists and turns that drive the film to even darker depths. Were this a Bond film, oreven a one-off non-superhero action thriller it would be rightly hailed as one of the finest examples of its genre. That it features a man in a rubber-bat suit and another with pasty face paint shouldn't lessen this on iota.

Then there's Heath Ledger. It's impossible not to mention the late actor's performance. Ledger has completely immersed himself in the character to the point you can forget who the actor is and be completely taken in by this strangely compelling villain, who is a world away from Jack Nicholson's enjoyable but hammy turn. Ledger's Joker comes far closer to catching the sinister nature of the character in the graphic novels. than Nicholson ever does and is a fitting epitaph for an actor who, if he was still alive, would be one of the hottest properties in Hollywood off the back of it.

The biggest problem for Nolan is where does he go from here. He could easily spent the rest of his career in the Batman franchise, and that would be no bad thing, although you do wonder if he'll ever be able to make a better Batman film than The Dark Knight.

But Nolan is also an interesting director even without the Batman films. Memento still stands out as a masterpiece, Insomnia was gripping and The Prestige was a better film than many gave credit. Nolan could literally do anything right now. He could never make another film. The Dark Knight is unlikely to be bettered in a long time.

In some respects, you've got to feel a bit of sympathy for all other superhero movies that follow The Dark knight. On the other hand, there have been so many God-awful adaptations (Elektra, Daredevil) that it makes you realise that it's not hard to do a decent job.

No doubt there will be more to come. Most likely a second Iron Man film, although the first instalment left me distinctly underwhelmed and the film already felt like it was running out of steam by the end. The last Spiderman film was an utter mess but won't stop another one being hurried out. Maybe somebody will think it a good idea to made another X-Men film (although I enjoyed these a lot more than Spiderman and thought they were a bit underrated. Yes, even X-Men 3). Every minor character will get an outing, I'd expect.

But there is still hope - and excitement for graphic novel fans. First up, Hellboy 2 from the ever-excellent Guillermo del Toro. The first film was a bit of a treat, with the director's distinctive visual style playing well against a film that had more depth than your average comic book adaptation. Hellboy 2 looks like it's going to be a solid sequel.

But that is nothing compared to the buzz surrounding The Watchmen. Either this film will rival The Dark Knight or prove such a crushing disappointment (and certainly fanboys and girls will be scrutinising this far more than either of Nolan's Batman films) that it'll sink like a stone.

But in the meantime, go and watch The Dark Knight. And if you've already seen it watch it again. And again. And again. It's that good.

God has a hissy fit. He still hasn't learned to stay out of Hebrew affairs
Leviticus 26:27-34
" 'If in spite of this you still do not listen to me but continue to be hostile toward me, then in my anger I will be hostile toward you, and I myself will punish you for your sins seven times over. You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters.  I will destroy your high places, cut down your incense altars and pile your dead bodies on the lifeless forms of your idols, and I will abhor you. I will turn your cities into ruins and lay waste your sanctuaries, and I will take no delight in the pleasing aroma of your offerings. I will lay waste the land, so that your enemies who live there will be appalled. I will scatter you among the nations and will draw out my sword and pursue you. Your land will be laid waste, and your cities will lie in ruins."

1 Chronicles 21:14
"So the LORD sent pestilence upon Israel: and there fell of Israel seventy thousand men." These were innocents by the way.

Somehow I'm missing the love here.

Hosea 13:16
"The people of Samaria must bear the consequences of their guilt because they rebelled against their God. They will be killed by an invading army, their little ones dashed to death against the ground, their pregnant women ripped open by swords."  I think I'm going to be sick here. Are we seeing the love yet?

These, of course, are just a few of the scriptures that illustrate the love that courses throughout the OT part of the Bible.  How people can read past these things and not be suspicious of the supposed God behind them is beyond me.

Is it any wonder that Paul, in his New Testament takeover, quickly steers the focus of the faithful away from this Old Testament Ogre, and into the different world vision of his supposed encounter with Jesus on the road (in a beam of light) to Damascus.  Using the established OT world vision that many/most people of that culture were acquainted with, and building a new mythology, a new religion based on a kinder, gentler God image.  Jesus...a God of Love...yea, that's the ticket.  Well, he didn't really work out Jesus being God...that had to wait until the Catholics got into power.  The early theology was a little rough and had to be tweaked a bit to make it more believable

I think Paul was looking around at all the religious fervor going on in his time, and got to thinking that if he could somehow meld the established OT religion (which Jesus was espousing) into the new mold of a milder spiritual personality that didn't go around killing, raping, and torturing ...he just might achieve lifetime employment for himself. The apostles didn't seem to be doing much with their inheritance, why not fudge a little and scoop up this opportunity and run with it.

The concept of ‘original sin' was pure genius on his part.  Oh, the possibilities of this for sermons, placing guilt on the masses, and solidifying his place in history. A new concept that heretofore was not even thought of or mentioned in OT writings, or by Jesus, and he was able...by himself... to get it accepted by the theologians and common folk.  What a guy.

For latest post go: Here

In many ways, it is suspect to me that perhaps truth is less entertaining then fiction, and in some cases more malicious.

I was just betrayed by a person whom I trusted, with their motivation being money.  To the point where they were willing to present my information as their information in order to gain more of it.

Basically fraud, plagiarism, and outright misrepresentation of abilities and credentials, with the excuse that they "did not know" which is obviously a lie. Since no one ever submitting information would be ignorant that they were submitting wrong information when they were specifically instructed to replace the existing details with their own information.

Some folks are just simply thieves, and liars.

Yet, conversely, I have also discovered someone new and interesting. Quite grounded, and seemingly non-judgmental and directly honest. It is shown in her transparency. Interesting that I met her for the first time this morning - so it strikes me that God indeed loves me, and the last 8 months only existed to destroy my faith, trust, love and heart. so be it. I pity the 2 whom were used by evil to hurt me since it will be that much worse on them in so many other ways.  Well, oh well... we reap what we sow now don't we?

Have you ever had premonitions? The knowing of something that will occur that matches the very thing that you know must occur?

For the last 7 years previous to this year, I have waited in faith and trust for the first person that I have ever loved - despite any relationship prior - knowing that it was that faith and trust which kept me alive. The strength of that honesty was the foundation and pinnacle of all that I held inside me the cornerstone to the nature of who and what I am inside - which in all truth has kept me alive these last 7 years...

Both spiritually, and consciously I was able to be clear minded and forward thinking in all of my functions and focus.

Then 8 months ago I met someone who stated that I was a fool to wait that long and so on, and of course her and I ended up in a relationship. She was the opposite of everything that I held worthy. She lied freely. Had no compulsion to deceive, misrepresent, and - as was shown only just recently - steal in order to achieve her goals. All of which were money.

God says that those people who are evil of heart, will be seared in their conscience, knowing that they will destroy others, hurt, lie, steal and cheat in order to see the fruition of their own selfish gain. 

I can say in all reality and clarity that the last 8 months only existed to destroy the faith, trust and hope which had kept me alive for the previous 7 years, and bringing all of this to 8 years in total - in this exercise of personal growth and strengthening.

For those of you whom are curious about my constant referencing to numbers, it is as follows:

1: The number of God (one God, 3 attributes - Soul, Spirit, Flesh - vis a vis - Father, Spirit, Son)
2: The number of division or breaking apart
3: Proof and witness (see 1 for self evidence)
4: Foundation and spiritual balance (sometimes called pillars)
5: Grace
6: The number of man
7: the number of completion or finishing
8: the number of new beginning
9: (no idea sorry)
10: the number of man's order of government
11: (again no idea)
12: The number of God's order of government
Thus - 333 = perfect proof, 888 = perfect new beginning (since 3 represents proof of)
555 - perfect grace and so on

Now, last week things began to change. As you may or may not know by the two blogs which I have written called "Full Circle" and "Full Circle Part 2."

Both were professional meetings. One was a man who functioned within the same discipline, and industry as I. The other was a professional meeting with a woman who presented me with an opportunity as well as quite unrelated, intelligent, and transparently honest conversation.

Both times, in my intuition, I knew that I should not at all dismiss either of these meetings as irrelevant, and as I do not believe in coincidence - and as I was again beginning to trust God and listen more closely to the spirit of God who speaks to me in my intuition - felt no anxiety, and trusted the calm of the patience.

So, I did just that.

As it turned out - this gentleman and I struck up a conversation one day and now we are working together within the freedom of our own strengths and attributes within a project - as well as a confidence toward each others intents and end results.  I can tell quite directly that I can trust this person since the goal for them is personal achievement, and a love for their own family - as new as that gift to him has been - and we have the same desired intended result equally within each of our own software development methods.

The second situation has only just been experienced - as I met her this morning for coffee, regarding another opportunity - which was quite a bit more wonderful than just "work" related conversations.

Now, this is where it becomes interesting to me, and I will have to reserve anything written of it, since I know that only God can hear my thoughts, but anything presented is then presented for any and all negative spirits which ache to destroy good and right things in life.

So, I will say nothing on this for yet a little while longer, however, I will say that I am not surprised, and all the intuitive truths became self evident - in every dynamic - showing quite clearly that the viewpoint given inside me, is from God.

There are two kinds of ambition. One is malicious, the other is honest. 

The malicious ambition will lie, cheat, steal, con, rape and plunder anything and everything in order to achieve it's own goals and is usually laced with pride, and impatience - with greed as it's lust and love and focus.  It will have the attitude of "I will do this myself" which really translates to "I will take whatever I want to get what I want no matter what the cost to others, or whom I have to step on to do it."

No cost to right, or honestly, or love, or friends will deem inconvenient to betray or destroy.

The other ambition is patient. Trusting and aware of the reality of gains and loses accepting them with truth and honour. Knowing that anything of value is earned, and not stolen. So that the ambition in and of itself will know that it can see it's own face in the mirror and has not lied, stolen, cheated or destroyed anything or anyone in order to sleep with peace and to live without conflict.

So then... this is all cryptic at best and it is so for many reasons. I will not expose anyone even though they destroyed my trust in them, and stole from me, yet conversely I will not expose the right and purity of the other, since the invisible life we do not see around us, is not always benevolent and for our benefit.

I really truly - by my nature - would love to give more information and explode on this page the things which I have discovered. As well as all of the information which I have seen inside my intuition over the last 2 weeks as the changes are now beginning. But, I also know - by my intuition - that to do so would activate that invisible evil which lurks and prowls to destroy all good things which proceed from God toward us.

So, as it is by my intuition that I have been guided thus far in these last few weeks, so again it is by my intuition that I write nothing here at this juncture.

My current faith and strength comes from the following though.

The realization that these last 8 months were only here to destroy me and is usual - I can not be destroyed. Simply because I serve the living God - remaining in truth, and honesty forever.

That it is because of these last 8 months that I have now been freed and awakened and angered enough to be driven to the point where I will not accept anymore evil in my life.

Not from others, and not by greed.  Ambition is not wrong, and a desire for self worth and better things is not wrong. It can not be wrong, since it is our dreams which give us our life.

It is the methods we use to achieve those dreams that define if we are good or evil.

Good will never lie.
Good will never cheat.
Good will never steal.
Good will never look down on anyone else.
Good will never judge those who have not esteemed to it's unrealized ambition.
Good will be honourable always.
Good does not look over it's shoulder willing to profit on any other.

Evil is the opposite of all that is good.

It is uncomplicated.

So if you strive, and desire to see your dreams then realize something. The second you decide to take a short cut to achieve it, you will find that you have no longer any morality towards lying, stealing, cheating, or whoring to get it, and all your ambitions from that point forward will be a blessing from evil - not from good.

And your spirit will begin to die.

There is one thing that God said once that came to me that made me think years ago.

Go into that place. And if they receive you as mine, then let your peace come onto them. If they do not, then wipe the dust from your feet - leave that place and let your peace return to you.

What is not told in that particular example - but which is shown in much of the rest is this: By wiping the dust from your feet you will forgive them their evil ambition toward your own cost. And God will see it, and they will receive the reward of their evil - brought about by their own evil (reap what you sow), and as the invisible world which we can not see has evil as well as good, and since evil desires to destroy everything - including that very individual whom evil was able to guide and trick, since evil hates all things, even by it's own creation. Whether in health. Whether in life. Whether in dreams or nightmares. Whether in any material thing.

I believe - as I've seen it with my own eyes, that the results of evil are not returned to the evildoer in the same manner. And I can give an abundance of examples which I've witnessed, but this blog is already too long :P

So, I will say it again because it is the only truth and the foundation and corner stone of my character and existence:

Be without fear in the face of my enemies,
Be brave and upright, that God may love me,
Speak the truth always, even if it leads to my death,
Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong.

That is my oath. That is my life choice.

50 cent diss. Decent track, but it's good to see GZA back in action. Album in Stores August 19th.

If you know nothing about Morrissey, check this out.

If you are in love with Morrissey, check this out.

All I"ve been listening to lately is The Smiths.
Morrissey is taking over my brain.

Spaced Set to Invade U.S. Via DVD, Cable | The Underwire from Wired.com

Unless you live somewhere in the middle of the country...in which case here's an interview with Mr. Pegg:

Simon Pegg's Geek Roots Show in Spaced | The Underwire from Wired.com

Rock!!!

The Gregarious Lampoon (Greg):  You guys really did a job on this one, eh?

Hedge Fund Manager (HFM):  Things are looking a little bit down right now, with the subprime crash and all that, I’ll admit.  Heck, it’s taken down hedge funds, banks, even student lenders.  But things will definitely pick up in the next three-to-five years.

Greg:  What if a kid can’t get a college loan in that period because Fannie Mae’s tanked?  What’s he supposed to do then?

HFM:  Geez, I don’t know, my parents paid when I went to Duke.  Why couldn’t his parents be doctors?

Greg:  What makes you think that the things will “pick up in the next three-to-five years?”

HFM:  Those Goldman [Sachs] quant geniuses will figure out another area to deliciously exploit during that time.  Have you ever tried talking to one of them?  It’s like meeting a petaflop, in the flesh.  I’m not sure all of them would pass the Turing Test.

Greg:  But won’t only Goldman be ahead of the game?

HFM:  What, do you think this happens in a vacuum?  You think that each hedge fund has to be creative, think of a new market to create or exploit?  You’re crazy.  Everyone sits and watches Goldman, or the Sage of Omaha, or someone who actually knows what they’re doing.  They’re called the “smart money” for good reason.  Where the smart money goes, everyone follows, like cattle.  Ravenous, rabid, relentless, bloodshot, capitalist cattle.

Greg:  Do you have any idea as to where Goldman might look?

HFM:  No idea.  But I guess structurally, I have a premonition.  Goldman simply has to find an industry government has deregulated or not regulated enough.  Even better would be an industry where government has delegated oversight authority to private entities that like to attach catchy brand names to their work product.  That way, we can all make massive assumptions about the risk of the underlying instruments and call them “exotic.”

Greg:  Don’t you think the federal government would be wise to this strategy after the subprime collapse?

HFM:  No.  Where were you when Arthur Andersen tanked?  The federal government is full of charismatic morons.  Do you have a daughter?

Greg:  Uh, yes.  Two.

HFM:  Would you want your daughters to date the funny thespian or the hideous, disfigured calculus wizard?

Greg:  I’m not sure.  I mean the thespian kid, if he’s not too goth—

HFM:  He’s funny; he can’t be goth.  See, parents even fall for it.  Let’s vote for the charismatic guy who can’t do simple arithmetic.

Greg:  OK, let’s move on.  Why don’t you actually look at the underlying instruments instead of just assuming they’re kosher?

HFM:  That’s what the private oversight entities are for.

Greg:  Yeah, but they could get it wrong, like they did with the subprime instruments, and you guys got killed because of it.  Isn’t the point to make money, not lose it all and then some?

HFM:  I don’t think you understand.  If we thought about it like that, it wouldn’t be any fun.  What fun is that, being judicious, picking carefully, picking incremental winners over the long haul?

Greg:  I thought the point was to make money, not to have fun.

HFM:  Oh, all high-minded now, are we?  You’re a journalist, right?

Greg:  Well, not in so many words, but—

HFM:  Whatever.  You like to write, right?

Greg:  Of course.

HFM:  That’s why you got into this gig, right?  Because you love writing.  Because it fulfills you in some really asinine way that I don’t understand.

Greg:  Yes, sure.

HFM:  Well, what do you think I am?  What do you think we are?  Just pieces of meat, mindlessly trading pieces of paper or bits of electronic data that don’t really exist, that don’t really mean anything?  Is that all you think we are?

Greg:  No, I never said that, I—

HFM:  You’re judging.  You’re judging me, all high and mighty with your stupid pen.  Well guess what, H.L. Mencken:  I have dreams too.  I yearn for self-actualization.  I want to climb the Maslowian pyramid.  Walk the eight-fold path.  Have the world spin where I sprawl out under the Bodhi tree.  So I do this because it’s fun, OK?  It’s pleasurable for me, trading bits of information and making exorbitant quantities of money from the transaction.

Greg:  But couldn’t you make looking at the underlying instruments fun?  Like, this is a complicated problem that I’d like to unravel.

HFM:  We wouldn’t make nearly as much money that way.

Greg:  What do you mean?

HFM:  You’ve heard all this talk about “bubbles,” right?

Greg:  Yeah.

HFM:  You’ve heard we don’t really know how or why they happen, right?  I mean, unless you read the Financial Times or something.  Well my pet theory is that bubbles happen because, as I said, we are irrational, capitalist cattle.  Where one goes, everyone else goes.

Greg:  But couldn’t you just break that cycle by looking at the underlying instruments?

HFM:  You still don’t get it yet, do you?  You can’t make any money if you act rationally:  there won’t be any bulging bubbles of irrationality.  Without those lizard-brain bubbles, you’ll make some money, but less quickly.  Not only is it slower, but it’s also boring as all hell.  It’s got to be now.  I want to be a bigshot—now.  We all know this:  it’s collusion, in a way.  Everybody wins if we all decide at a specific point to run around with our heads chopped off.  That’s what finding the niche market is in finance.  Finding the special kiddie playground where we can run around with our heads chopped off.  We did it with Arthur Andersen and we did it with Triple-A.  It’s incredibly fun, we get the money, we get the prestige, and then we crash and burn in a blaze of S.E.C. mail fraud infamy.  What a rush!

Genius is no more than childhood recaptured at will, childhood equipped now with man's physical means to express itself, and with the analytical mind that enables it to bring order into the sum of experience, involuntarily amassed.
Charles Baudelaire (1821-1867), French poet

Check him out:

Caitlin here.  

Since I believe in year-round education (not), most of my free time has been spent studying for the classes I'm taking in summer school- English and Algebra.

There are two boys (notice I am not referring to them as guys or men) in my Algebra class who stick out for a handful of reasons.  We'll refer to them as Left and Right.  Left wears undershirts (but not under a shirt) and eats pop tarts with Red Bull and claims to be in "Algebra 1 with High School Review" because Calculus 5 was full (or not). Right thinks he's hot but clearly missed the memo on how pubic hairs on the chin is so Fall 2006.  He spends the three hour class chatting with Left about how cool it is to fail a drug test and how his coworkers at Costco (big money right there) think it's an actual exam and they study for it.  Seriously, look who's talking.

So I'm sitting in class on our break (because I have nothing better to do) tweeting away when Fat Girl asks me how much I pay for my iPhone.  I want to say "by the way, I'm Caitlin and my blood type is O positive.  How much do you weigh?" But instead, I put the smart ass away and mutter something about how it's like $100 month and that's with the Apple employee discount.  See, I have yet to inform AT&T that I'm no longer an Apple employee.  It just hasn't come up in conversation.  Maybe they'll read this blog.  So, anyway, Fat Girl says $100 a month is "bull crap" and I thank her for her input on my finances.  And then, I give her my two cents on her back fat.

It's around this time that Right perks up and says he, too, was an Apple employee, but that he was a Genius and he hated.  Left adds that he's a Genius also (remember, he was supposed to be in Calculus).

Somehow, the fact that Right was also manning the fruit stand makes me hate him less, although since he said he hated it, chances are he was also canned, and in that event, the hypocrite in me hates him even more.

Actually, the reason my hatred grows is that he and Left proceed to leave this conversation to discuss how they built their Mac Pros by hand (referring either to the underpaid children in China who watch as the machines assemble the Mac Pros or to the configure to order options on Apple's website- either way- not exactly "by hand") and how the processors they put inside clocks speeds that, unless I've been living under a rock have yet to be seen by the world's fastest computers, much less their (comparatively) puny Mac Pros.

But at least he knows what a Mac Pro is.  The kid in front of him, Chews on T-shirt, swears his iPod touch is an iPhone.  I'd love to ask him to call me on it.  I think he's special, though, or at least I like to pretend there's a good reason he chews on his shirt and bunches himself up into a ball in his desk and spends the entire class sending emails to himself on his "iPhone."

Judgment passed.

C

A brilliant mix of Nude (Radiohead) by James Houston, played by old computer parts.

More info here or here.

James Houston about his project:

"I've just graduated from the Glasgow School of Art's graphic design course. This was my final project.
Radiohead held an online contest to remix "Nude" from their album - "In Rainbows".

This resulted in lots of generic entries consisting of a typical 4/4 beat, but with arbitrary clips from "Nude" thrown in so that they qualified for the contest.

Thom Yorke joked at the ridiculousness of it in an interview for NPR radio, hinting that they set the competition to find out how people would approach such a challenging task.

I decided to take the piss a bit, as the contest seemed to be in that spirit.

Based on the lyric (and alternate title) "Big Ideas: Don't get any" I grouped together a collection of old redundant hardware, and placed them in a situation where they're trying their best to do something that they're not exactly designed to do, and not quite getting there.

It doesn't sound great, as it's not supposed to.

I missed the contest deadline, so I'm offering it here for you to enjoy.

Sinclair ZX Spectrum - Guitars (rhythm & lead)
Epson LX-81 Dot Matrix Printer - Drums
HP Scanjet 3c - Bass Guitar
Hard Drive array - Act as a collection of bad speakers - Vocals & FX"

Yayaya, Okay so..Haven't blogged in a while so here we go!

Ummm.. well yesterday me and Mina went out to watch Mamma Mia! Let me tell you, weirdest theater experience ever. Almost everybody in there was over 30+ years old. AND THEY STOOD UP AND STARTED DANCING/SINGING. Awkward much? But I really liked it! And now I can't stop listening to ABBA. Lol. After that we headed back to my house and had some cake...Chatted a bit, and then she had to go home.

Besides that, I started watching that Jdorama, ROOKIES. And I'm in LOVE! I didn't think I'd watch it because it was about baseball and it just didn't seem like something that'd I'd watch. But I'm hooked! I think my favorite person would have to be Aniya. I don't know why. Nfu, there's just something about him I like so much. But I love the entire team! <3 They're so funny. And because of my new found fandom, I went back to all my Junon/Potato/KoiMen magazines and cut out all of the ROOKIES related articles and stuff. <3 Pasted all of them on my walls. I like the ending theme too, it's a good song.

Watched some of the older Tenimyu stuff. Like, Fudouminemyu and Dream Live 1st(again). LOL. And I guess I never payed attention until now, but I've grown to like Konishi Ryousei. He plays Ibu Shinji. I really like his voice. So cute! :D

OH! And I bought a new shirt! I LOVE IT SO MUCH! For all you Touhou fans, I'm sure you would get it. It says "This girl's a genius" and it's in an ice blue color. <3333333333333333333 I love it!

Also, I'm going to dye my hair. Blue. Think, electric blue. NOT ALL OF IT THOUGH. >.>

OMFG 2953879357295729 HOURS IN PAINT. Please excuse the uboa face...>.> and crappy painted on hair. LOL The color kinda reminds me of Urataros from Den-O. The coloring won't look that crappy, trust me. XD

-sigh- Well, that's it for me right now. I'm thinking of PMX now. If I'm going or not, I want to but...It depends on the guests...I almost had Inui* last year...Maa ne, maybe something better this year.

Bye!

* - Kenjirou Tsuda was a guest to PMX last year, but he couldn't make it last minute. Kenjirou Tsuda is the voice actor for Inui Sadaharu from Prince of Tennis.

I've blogged before about the visionary musician Delia Derbyshire. Recently a hoard of previously unknown recordings by Derbyshire have been revealed. Apparently they were discovered in Derbyshire's attic when she died in 2001, but have only just been made public.

Among them is an extraordinary proto-dance track which is believed to have been recorded in the later '60s. It's twenty years ahead of its time - and sounds like it could have been recorded yesterday. What a genius she was.

It was pretty simple actually, i just - after that last blog Full Circle published yesterday; did what I needed to do. Forgave myself (which is paramount) and then forgave those around me whom have hurt me - albeit in typical human ignorance. Then went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and just gave God my life and my day and said, "I give my day and life to you, and ask you to move me as suits your will today."

That's it. Well ok maybe not "only" that as I did also then move and do the things that I needed to get accomplished without procrastination listening to the small voice that guides all of our conscience and intuition.  Of course there is a little bit of wisdom required, since any thought - no matter how soft - which comes from within our own ambitions, will tend to lead us down the wrong path.

In less than 24 hours, things have dramatically changed. Ok, so maybe this isn't normal for most people, for whatever reason. However for me, as it was before between my 27th and 35th year, it was quite normal.

It's sort of like this: You go into a bank and there is this long lineup and you're in a hurry and you know that you will not make the rest of your appointments if you wait in this line, but you have to wait in this line to even begin performing the rest of the plans of the agenda. In God one would and should stand in line, and not try to by-pass it in selfish ambition (do not sit in the front of the assembly, lest the host ask you to move back to make room for someone of greater importance, and you are shamed. Better to sit in the back of a room and be called to the front so that you represent your God in humility and truth), and well that is pretty much what i did.

I stood at the end of this long line. Not griping, not anxious, not really thinking about it at all actually - having my mind captured with the plans and things of the day.

I wasn't in line for even a moment when I was singled out and asked to come to sit at the desk. The individual said, "it's a long line, so have a seat and we'll see if we can help you."

And so went the day, entirely.  It is nice that things are now going to move this way again.  Now, the thing to realize folks is that I actually wrote these blogs earlier and only published them on the respective publish dates. So in all truth, the events have been such since Monday.

All of the things that I have been reading in the proverbs have been coming to pass. If your heart is right with God then all your enemies will be at peace with you. So it has been. If you commit your day and your path to the Lord then he will make your way straight. So it has been.

Life is not complicated. People are complicated, and yes, just like everyone else, I have good days and bad days. So it is so it will be. It's not complicated.

Not that I'm trying to elevate my life above anyone else's since the fact of the matter is simply that I am not any better than anyone else. I just live in faith and trust - even though at times, that in and of itself is stretched to the extreme of ability, wrought with doubt and anxiety.

You see folks, I stopped working - or rather, stopped being "employed" a few weeks back and it wasn't a bad thing because if truth be told, I didn't like that job. Not that the work in and of itself was that terrible, but rather it wasn't challenging to me.  And more than anything my heart wasn't in it. As a result I wasn't giving my all, or even caring about it at all. That of course coupled with the lack of interest in any communication with God, completely dragged out my days.

I really shouldn't have taken that position, simply because I needed a rest, not another job. I needed time to just recuperate, and relax, since I've not really had any time to do that in the last few years.

I've been on the go and running and moving, and if truth be told. Getting over a heartache from almost a decade ago.

Ok, for the record, and on a side note - as this is just me blathering my random dialogue to myself out loud on this page - anyone who has been in love, who actually listens to the clap trap garbage of "you should just get over it and move on" is slowly and methodically destroying their own soul. Because true love, no matter how it ends, takes a minimum of two years to reconcile and easily 5 years to just get over. And that is if it is a good relationship without any cause for ending - other than external factors not related to the individuals involved.

If it is a bad breakup with aspects of betrayal or infidelity, it can take quite a bit longer, though of course, it comes down to again the ability to forgive. forgiveness of self and forgiveness of the offending partner.

I'm grateful that my situation wasn't the latter.. Though from my experience, if it is one of those situations, I recuperate much more quickly since I realize and accept and embrace that forgiveness isn't an emotion or choice, but a commanded requirement for self survival.

I realize that people will disagree with me, but I have noticed that those who disagree with me, simply have issues with the whole concept of forgiveness.

you see, I can forgive someone and still be in massive pain over the situation. Pain and suffering isn't nullified or irrelevant. How can it be right? But forgiveness is the only road to healing. An individual doesn't even have to reconcile the situation and in some cases, if closure is not possible, forgiveness is still the only real ability toward freedom from the cage and ropes which bind a person up within that pain.

Because forgiveness requires a certain amount of acceptance of humanity. It doesn't make oneself a martyr or overtly offended victim.  Self victimized rhetoric declares that "oh woe is me that I'm so valuable and decent as a person how could anyone else possibly just hurt me thus."

Except that is completely imaginary. Since it is impossible for anyone to tell me that they have never hurt anyone. I will hurt people again. It is a pragmatic guarantee. I'm human. That is what human beings do.

I can love someone absolutely and desire nothing but the best for them and I can promise that - as a failed and self deprecating human being, I will again indeed without question or doubt - hurt someone.

As a result I know that it is going to happen to me as well.

I have heard, and I have no doubt at all that you who is reading this has even said the following phrase, "I don't want to get hurt again."

Well I want to tell you something. Enjoy your existence of denial. You live in an imaginary world. What you want is not even possible.

It MUST occur. Every semblance of pain is important to receive.  It's how we learn folks.  So it isn't something to avoid, rather it is something to realize will occur. Granted we're not suppose to go around looking for it, and aren't suppose to just hurt other people consciously and then tell them to buck up without guilt or acknowledgement, but at the same token what idiot would think that they are so worthy and so wonderful that they don't deserve to be hurt?

I have this theory. If we do it. We deserve it when it happens to us. Period.

So actually for me, in the area of forgiveness, it is way easier to forgive other people when they hurt me because I realize that I've hurt people to, and in many ways, it allows me to accept my own frail human condition to forgive them their frail human condition - which again brings me back to forgiving oneself.

the only road to heaven.

After all, we live in a kingdom of conscience. And the conscience if lived in truth and accountability, requires acceptance of one's own flaws, and loving oneself.

Remember that we are only capable of loving others, as we love ourselves. And if we're busy counting and remembering all the hurts we've sustained and have not forgiven others, in order to forgive ourselves. Toward the ability to love ourselves, how are we even capable of loving others?

Something to think about folks.

How you are treated by others is a reflection of how you treat them. Because you are only capable of loving others to the level by which you love yourself.

I think that one of the reasons that I'm writing this is based upon so many of the conversations I've had in this last year. I haven't met anyone yet that has said that they don't want to hurt anyone else, and all who have said they don't want to be hurt by anyone. While I don't say either. What for? It is a ridiculous statement in and of itself because it is impossible to accomplish until we're all transformed.

If you don't think so, then take a look at what you speak. How many times have you said something negative about someone behind their backs. Still think you can't hurt them?

Still think you deserve not to be hurt while you're in the middle of hurting other people?

See the world as it is, not as you need it to be. For the kingdom of conscience is the kingdom of heaven.

enjoy :)

append: so it's friday now... i've been too busy to publish this actually and in many ways it has so obviously reflected what I experienced all those years ago. It's nice to have my heart back and God as my guide. All things are as they should be, since I've been blessed with good friends, and a clean directional clarity.

Writing is always such a tricky thing to do. The minute you decide you want to write "about" something, in a "particular way", you feel strained. I have often found that it is easier to permit myself to write rubbish, to accept that one cannot produce works of true genius all the time, and in the cases of some writers, maybe never at all.

It is the same with all art I suppose. You are trying so hard to create a masterpiece that you forget to relax and let things come to you. At the end of the day, it is important that you listen to what comes to you and take it down, instead of trying to "make" something.

I wish I could treat writing like I treat my reading. I read, and read too much for my own good, but not so I can sit for an exam, or gain something material. I do not have to be good at reading, and I can read anything, from manuals to menus, completely uncaring of what "quality" I read. I have read Harlequin romances and Goethe on the same day and enjoyed both. They were both worth my time, and I am not ashamed to say it.

Maybe I am not destined to become a great writer, I just don't have it in me. But that's alright. As long as I am enjoying what I am doing, or following a compelling need within, I should not complain.

Here is hoping that I get the "I" out of my system in this and my other blogs, and when I write otherwise, am able to forget that an "I" exists. A giant pen with ears--- that is who I am, simply taking dictation from somewhere up above, or deep within.

I am not a writer, but a secretary to Someone Who Knows, taking dictation.

Now I have to make sure I write that down on my writing-desk!

*raises hand* That would be ME!

The Watchmen is one of the most celebrated graphic novels ever muther fucking written. It's dark, gritty, compelling, intense, fucked-up and complete off it's tit. That's what makes it so brilliant. You never know whether to hate the protagonists and want them dead or fall in love with them for all their flaws.

Often, it's easy to get swept up in the Americana of Superman and Spidey... but frankly, those guys lack the depth and grittiness that sets my heart afire. There is SO much more to humanity and then to superimpose fantasy and enhanced attributes it all makes for a really good read.

Yeah yeah yeah. Mock my geek-out... you can go back to your Oprah, and I will go over here where people with real imaginations live.

Here's the official movie website. It's pretty bad-ass (especially what they did to Rorschach's face)
http://watchmenmovie.warnerbros.com/

Here is the extended trailer, which McCabe (bless his heart) sent me last night. I almost wet my pants with excitement. It really gives a complete snapshot of the beauty and composition of the film, thus far.
http://www.iesb.net/index.php?option=com_seyret&Itemid=227&task=videodirectlink&id=1285

Listen to her. You will see that her passionate and honest words have everything to do with my first post and discussion in the comments.

"...A revolution once pregnant with expectation flounders,
Apathetic and individualistic, no one knows where to vote
Or what to vote for anymore,
The faces that now represent us,
have now begun to look like the ones who used to burn crosses,
and beat bulldaggers
and fuck faggots up the ass with loaded guns..."

Thanks for the inspiration ekitty ;)

Beginning - 3:26 is the part I'm talking about. Listen more for more greatness.

A quick search later revealed the piece to be part of Vivaldi's Four Seasons, the Presto part of Summer to be exact. A couple of downloads and some Youtube later, I found the recording Karajan made of the Four Seasons, featuring violinist Anne-Sophie Mutter (above). I had seen it before; long ago*. My father has a laserdisc of the recording, and I believe it is still lying still in a leather suitcase upstairs in my KL residence.

As current mainstream music seems to have taken a break from producing anything actually ear-worthy for more than 5 minutes, it wasn't hard for me to begin drowning myself in classical music once again, only this time specifically in pieces conducted by Herbert von Karajan.

von Karajan

I like the guy's arrangement and feel for the music. I think they bring out the best in the orchestra, are mellow and strong when they need to be, which results in a powerful piece throughout. The composer's genius is magnified by this conductor's ability to reimagine and translate.

Super-Saiyan conductor at work.

He's one of the few people I've seen described in superlatives.

I like that. It's a concept I can identify with; I find it hard to be average at something. I think you're either good or bad at it. There's of course gray areas, but it is always a little bit of one over the other.

Anyway, I won't elaborate too much on him; there's already plenty available in the public domain. Search his name and you'll be duly rewarded. Here's more reasons to like the way this guy thinks:

"If I tell the Berliners to step forward, they do it. If I tell the Viennese to step forward, they do it. But then they ask why."
When asked why he preferred conducting the Berlin Philharmonic over the Vienna Philharmonic

"Those who have achieved all their aims probably set them too low."

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man of the moment.

*That recording of the Four Seasons was made in 1987, a great year ;)