I just wanted to say that lately especially with trials drawing nearer, people are losing their modesty and it's not very nice.. People just imply or direct call me stupid or an idiot and you know, I'm not that dumb! That's so mean! And you know when I ask you how you are, I don't want you to brag about your latest "great" achievement even if it doesn't count because you changed the facts to make it seem better than it was.. Man, you're strange.. Totally tactless!

And if you're reading this and you think to yourself "I wonder if it's me?", it probably will be because then you know you did those things and maybe you'll think to yourself "oh, I am strange!".

Anyways, I've been happied in general, less emo but I've been avoiding people that put me down and I guess that has helped a lot.

OK, enough procrastination - time to study!

Enjoy...

Time to smile, again!

This really hit home with me a few years ago.  I was a member of a house church and I went for a long period of time not attending.  I went to Sunday services but not the weekly house meeting.  Mostly it was laziness but partly it was because I felt like God was going to ask something of me there and I didn't want to take responsibility if I messed it up, because I was so sure I would mess up anything He gave me to do.  (The devil is a liar and so are a lot of people who don't want to see you go further in the Lord than they go.)  When I finally got up the nerve to come back, I told them that after missing a few meetings it just kept getting harder and harder to come back so I didn't.  Which was also true.  I wasn't at a place I could admit to myself or anyone else that I was terrified of failing God or succeeding and having to take responsibility for something.  The house church pastor, Randy, said something I will never forget - "Anysia, when you stay away, you are withholding a gift that we need.  You don't only miss out, so does everyone else."  I had never thought of it that way before and it didn't do a lot to make me feel better but it did make me feel sufficiently guilty not to miss very many more meetings!

So, I was back in that place again where I just knew that God was about to break me through into something new and that I was finally going to be used for something for His glory...and I got scared and stopped going to church.  Sure I had other things I was doing.  One Sunday I was sick, another I was out of town, a variety of things came up but I could have gone had I just made the commitment to go.  I didn't talk to God about it.  I just didn't "feel" like going.  As I withdrew from church, I started to withdraw from other things - particularly friends that I keep in contact with via e-mail.  I had no motivation to write them.  I was pulling away and going into my little shell and doing a pretty good job at justifying it.  Then I realized what was happening. 

God is sneaky sometimes.  Of course, with me He often has to be.  LOL.  I was doing my daily bible reading, so proud that I have read every single day this year and am on target for finishing the whole bible this year for the first time ever.  Even in the midst of my pride I was feeling pretty tiny and miserable - I knew that I was not doing what God wanted me to do and that is a horrible place to be if you really love God and want to please Him.  There is nothing more miserable to the God-lover than to be hiding from His will!  My reading for that day had me in Hebrews 12.  I was reading kind of half heartedly, mostly just wanting to finish so I could check it off my list and get to sleep.  That's when He got me!!!

Hebrews 12:2 hit me like a brick - "Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble,"...  He was reminding me of my call, taking me back to the scripture He gave me shortly after I became a Christian that resounded in my heart as His promise and His purpose for my life: Isaiah 35:3-7 "    3Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble.
    4Say to those with anxious heart,
         "Take courage, fear not
         Behold, your God will come with vengeance;
         The recompense of God will come,
         But He will save you."
    5Then the eyes of the blind will be opened
         And the ears of the deaf will be unstopped.
    6Then the lame will leap like a deer,
         And the tongue of the mute will shout for joy
         For waters will break forth in the wilderness
         And streams in the Arabah.
    7The scorched land will become a pool
         And the thirsty ground springs of water;
         In the haunt of jackals, its resting place,
         Grass becomes reeds and rushes. "

He didn't have to say anything.  I read the words and I knew that I was standing at a crossroad, that God was giving me the chance to choose the path He set before me, the path I've often strayed from or tried to avoid but always longed to be on.  As I told a friend - "my greatest fear and my greatest desire".  That night I told Him I would do whatever He wanted me to do and I surrendered to His will.  I asked Him to lead me and guide me again and to give me the strength and courage, the confidence in Him to do whatever it was He wanted.

The next day He had me send e-mails to several people with words of encouragement, and one e-mail to the pastor of the church and his wife admitting my wrong attitudes and sharing some of what was going on and why I hadn't been in church.  It was a hard e-mail to write but I knew I had to be accountable to someone and to take a chance on trusting someone again.  The real reason it was hard was because I had determined in my heart to never be reliant upon a man or woman, or couple again but to rely solely on the Lord.  I had gone that path before but I hadn't realized is that I had built up a wall against spiritual authority in my life by distancing myself and holding back in many areas. 

Their words of encouragement and hope and life helped me embrace what God is doing and I was able to go back to church today, with only a little fear and no serious or noticable trembling. 

Since writing those e-mails and being obedient to what the Lord asked of me, God has been talking to me about how He wants to use my writing and my love for teaching to help others come to know Him in a real way and He has reminded me that the dreams He has given me and the promises He spoke to me are not there for me to do alone - they are so BIG because they require Him to be a very active participant every step of the way and that is what God wants.  He doesn't want to just be someone added into our lives, squished in where we think we can fit Him.  His desire is to be our lives and have everything else fit in around Him.  He wants to be our everything and that is pretty amazing in itself.

The past few days (yes, it's only been the past few days) I have been remembering what it is that makes me come alive.  It is loving Him - in word and in deed.  It is showing forth His glory in everything I do.  It is ministering His life giving word to those who are in desperate need of a spiritual drink of the truth of the Living God.  It is lifting people up in prayer and introducing them to the One I love.  It is passionately pursuing my Beloved and telling everyone I can Who He is and how great He is. 

All of God wants from any of us is our willingness to love Him and follow Him with hearts filled with trust that He will never leave us or forsake us and that with Him nothing is impossible, no matter how impossible it might seem to us.  Isn't God amazing?

Lately, I am still feeling sad but probably not as potent it's slowly turning into annoyance and irritation - I've been biting people's heads off if they are being slightly tactless.

Some people are just so tactless, it's like they're adding salt to my wounds so I'd like to sarcastically say - thanks for being such a great friend.

School is on tomorrow and there are very few people that I can tolerate, chances are.. it's not you. ;)

Hurry up HSC, end already - I want a life and I most definitely want to be free.

www.avrilchan.com

Free promotion for you Avril! Hahaha, need to list out my source to avoid plagiarism branding (important during college assignments).

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

How does this work?

Easiest way is to give an example I found online or somewhere.

A guy gets dumped.

His initial thoughts... "this just didn't happen, this must be some sort of joke" - DENIAL

"FUCK! WHY?! HOW COULD YOU?" - ANGER

"but there still might be a future for us right? we could keep in contact..." - BARGAINING

"i'm all alone now...." - DEPRESSION

ACCEPTANCE - I forgot wheter acceptance includes getting over it or just accepting the fact that it happened.

(Fast Food x Every day) + (Excess Fat + Disease) = Death

The show was aimed at those members of the public who believe that the gherkin in their Big Mac counts towards their 5 a day and designed to pick them up by the scruff of the neck and give them a bloody good shake, and a smack around their ketchup smeared chops. Nothing that Jamie Oliver said isn't already common knowledge and in fact just basic common sense. He simply pointed out that if you shovel huge amounts of crap down your throat you will not only gain weight and look like a bouncy castle, but your body will buckle under the strain and your over inflated internal organs will eventually give up and stop working. More than likely a good few years before you are actually ready to give up on life. He also spelt out, by way of statistics and shocking test results that to continue with their junk fueled diet would put them at risk of a whole host of life threatening conditions, including heart disease, cancer and diabetes.

The 18 calorie guzzling guinea pigs on the show all had several thing in common. They lived on take aways, rarely if ever touched a vegetable and barely owned a saucepan between them. They were all classified as either overweight, obese or morbidly obese by their BMI.  They also seemed unable to put 2 and 2 together and realise that if you fill your body with saturated fats, sugar, salt and preservatives, and then run a mile from any nutrients or vitamins, you are inevitably going to look more like Miss Piggy than Miss Universe and probably won't live long enough to meet your grandchildren.

One of the volunteers had her daily food and calorie intake laid out on a table for all the world to see. While she wasn't massively over her recommended calorie intake (2550 for men and 1940 for women - UK Department of Health), the food that she did eat all arrived in a cardboard box on the back of a delivery bike. Her wake up and smell the cooking oil moment came when she was told that from her daily diet, just the one Latte coffee and a small bowl of crisps that she ate every day would cause her to gain a whopping 3 and a half stone over the course of the next 15 months - pushing her from just plain old obese to morbidly obese. This news and the estimated weight gain shown in an expanding image of her on a nearby screen was understandably enough to make her second chin start to wobble with the shock. It just goes to show that when it comes to food, moderation and self control definitely seems to be the key.

Perhaps the biggest wake up call of all was the autopsy performed by Dr Gunther von Hagens on the body of a 25-stone man, who literally ate himself to death. While there's nothing like a little late night slicing and dicing to have your recently consumed dinner churning in your stomach, it did make for fascinating viewing. Once over the initial shock of seeing a human body being cut up and flapped open, seeing the massive amount of damage caused to the heart, lungs and liver by years of excessive eating was enough to make you push away the nearby packet of biscuits and reach for a carrot stick.

On the bright side, the best thing about obesity is that it can be cured and better still it can be prevented. Damage to bodies can be reversed and life spans extended. Parents can educate their children to eat well and in turn try and stamp out the rise in childhood obesity (read other article). Ideas and attitudes towards food can be changed, if the motivation to do so is there. I'd have to say that for most people surely the idea of staying alive is a pretty big motivation in itself.

Of course surrounded by treats, sweets and temptation at every cashiers till, very few people could honestly say that they live a completely healthy life or would even have the will power to try. And who would want to, life without any comfort food and empty calories would be very dull indeed. The trick it seems is to reach a happy medium and balance out the Yin and the Yang of unhealthy, healthy and good old fashioned exercise. Perhaps the answer is to have a take out as a treat, but then eat it while strapped to a treadmill. Or eat an entire block of chocolate, but wash it down with 3 litres of detoxing spring water..

I like a slab of Mud cake as much as the next person. I've actually just got through 2 pieces while writing this. There is of course a valid reason for being a pig today. I need extra insulation to survive a winter in Perth and I sense I will need a bit of a sugar kick to get through the dinner, bath and bed routine today. Mud cake aside, I like to try and stay as healthy as possibly. I have cut out meat, I drink Green Tea and I try and limit myself to 1 packet of Tim Tams a week.

Because I have children I would never want to knowingly do anything that would prevent me from being there to see them grow up, and in turn have their own children. I want to live for as long as possible, watch them turn into exactly what they will say they will never be and then watch them constantly nag their own offspring about eating all of the vegetables on their plate.

So let's hope that people like Jamie Oliver continue to use their fame and positive influence to try and scare people into facing up to the facts and turn their life around. Someone give the man a medal or better still a knighthood. If actors, pop stars and talk show hosts deserve one, then surely so to does someone trying to save the lives of both this generation and the next.

I already have several big-boy toys (Ford F150 SuperCrew 4x4 Lariat, Four Winns 180 Horizon boat, Kawasaki Prairie 650 4-wheeler) but I am not getting any younger.  Aha!  Is that what causes it?  Realizing that our younger years are passing and if we want to act young and enjoy young things then we need to grab life by the horns and enjoy them NOW!?!?!   :SIGH:   :-)

EDIT: I have been infomred by my daughters, my friends, and a few others that I am never allowed to buy a motorcycle.  Guess i have to find something else to be my vice!!  :-)

Please grant me the will power to not say things I cannot take back.

Help me endure through this time of incontrollable anger as those around me continue to be selfish and ignorant of their actions..

Today was a day amoungst days for I went on my first excursion from the hospital. It was interesting, to say the least. A nice day out with the folks, well four hours. The first time I was adorned in regular clothes in a while. Odd enough, that was no hard transition. Having on the shoes, the pull-over tee-shirt, the jeans, and the shoes all made today a comfortable return to some resemblance of a normal life. But of course, as a it goes so many times, there is a hitch. This time was my heart.

No. No I did not have another heart attack, or stroke-out obviously. It was the machine that I am attached to. Junior, as I am calling it now-a-days, was an eye-sore I found out. Well camoflauged as a suitcase, many did not even second guess the object. However, there were looks and that was what I was interested in. To those that noticed that this was no suitcase, they stared on with wonderment or confusion. Cool I say. I like tripping up people to see if they are on their toes.

Yet, though it is wonderful I am making strides forward, it seems to be such a daunting task to educate those willing to listen about the machine. Each day I am out, people will wonder what it is. And, that I do not mind, as long as the Lord lets me keep my sanity. A terrible curse to have such a task. But, God is already giving me a new release.

For years I listened to albums of music to relax and calm down. As a musician I got sick of that, for being around music may tire one out if they are not careful. But, today, the day of my first outting...a rekindling. As we hit up the restaurant we hit up, the air was that of peace. The meal was exquisite, and the broken breeze from the fans above set the mood for the music. Jazz. My addiction of old. They played wonderful classics all the time while we ate. Later, being that it was my friends birthday, I bought a jazz album. And, not only is my addiction rekindled, it is blazing as it grows. A healthy addiction, may this one stick and keep myself in check. To all I recommend some tunes to relax and remove stress with. Sorry for todays blog being a bit on the boring side, well that is the way I see it. But, pardon me, it is bedtime in a matter of moments. GOD bless, and enjoy life...watch out, it is like a candle and it will burn out.

How do we know this world needs us? When truly it is ourselves that need the world to need us? Are we really all deluded into thinking we're something special?

I have nothing to call my own except maybe my ipod, phone, wallet, book collection, etc. What do I have that I hold dear? I am too afraid to say my friends because whenever I do, the moment I think it - somehow, the friendship becomes intangible. Perhaps I am too insecure? Or perhaps I really am not needed in this time and place?

I sometimes think to myself, I was maybe born too early or late into a world that does not care for anything except material goods or even non-material goods like bebo, LOL.

However, whenever I think this I usually also think "man, Vanessa, you're a freak stop thinking these things and go study!" but I still even with the opposing thoughts can't help but wonder, is there another place waiting for me? Somewhere in the future? Maybe after death? Scarily enough, this isn't the first time I've thought of these things - recurring for 6 years now.. I hope there's something waiting for me, perhaps a new life somewhere where I'm somebody else.

This is probably why I love music, reading and movies so much - the feeling of escape from reality, from this reality where I've been placed.

And whenever I say "I feel sad.. I'm not feeling myself.." everyone gives me this, "no, you're fine! just smile more".. I don't think anyone's going to believe until they find me underneath a car or something, how depressing was that? Beyond depressing.. Someone tell me it's PMS so I can get on with my life or what I seem to think is my life..

My life consists of studying and caring about my short-term friends who will eventually leave me and I don't think I can continue to cope with that.. I don't know how I'm going to but I'll try but the fact that I have to try is pretty sad.

All I have are my textbooks now, they won't forsake me, right? Maybe my Excel Physics textbook because it wrongly informed me but even so, they are in concrete? The novels I read, in concrete.. The movies I watch, in concrete.. The music I listen to, in concrete.. They won't ever change no matter how many times I read, watch or play them..

They are all I have.. The emotions that are provoked whenever I read, watch or play something.. The only things that won't ever change..

No-one will ever understand you, not properly, not the way you truly want.

I'm starting to experience depression again and I really hope it's just a mood swing because it feels terrible, sometimes I can't sleep because I feel that bad about myself.

My self-esteem is constantly and exponentially decreasing for some reason, I keep thinking:
Why can't I be prettier?
Why can't I be smarter?

And I know I always knew these things that I'm not smart and I'm not pretty but I usually try my best to keep a smile on my face but somehow, lately, this smile feels strained. Fake.

I don't think I can cope with life and I'm starting to think maybe I am depressed, maybe I am emo or something - I don't know, let's all hope it blows over because I hate this feeling.

It's so hopeless and pointless. I believe I was born into the wrong time and that I do not belong in this time or place.

Will I ever know where I belong?
Will I ever know who I am supposed to be?

Do we follow fate?
Or do we make our own fate?

Is there such thing as destiny?
Or is it something we make up to fill the void?

Well, the void inside of me is continually growing or is it eating me?.. I'm not sure anymore..

"If you cannot find hope and faith then what is there to save you? Only death."

This morning, while dreaming of world football and ladies, my friend and nurse came into the room to wake me up. I was still tired out the rear, but I still arose to meet the day. Even though the rising was slow in pace. She stated with some demanding in her tone that I was going to be interviewed this morning. Interviewed? Wow, for what a job? My sleeping brain didn't catch on quite yet.

When I realized they took my press consent and got the news to come, I was still barely awake. To make matters worse, channel 5 was going to be here at the hospital in one hour. Thus, like any guy...I did not panic. I gently rose out of bed, swept my short hair, and didn't even bother changing. What do I care what the world thinks of me in this situation? I tell you what, not much. Though I did have on a nice dress shirt. Maybe they'll crop the shot to include just the shirt.

Time rolls around right past my breakfast and as quickly as I was told about it the crew was setting up. Still tired I began a regiment of coffee, to make my eyes actually open for the camera. You know what they say is true, it is hard sometimes not to look into the camera when it is rolling. Either way, they began with an interview of myself, and then my doctor. Lastly, they shot some b-roll shots, but not before talking to my mother.

Remembering the position I and so many others are in, she made a wonderfully valid point that I should have championed, and probably will in the future. Donations. A horrible thing that one must die for another to live, but it is very important to do so. So many do not sign up as a donor for a plethora of different reasons. But, thinking on it a bit...one may discover righteousness in the small act. A simple mark on your license and giving of yourself to others. Selfless conditioning of the human race. A wonderful concept brought forth by many of our heros. Jesus, first and foremost, died for all mankind and rose for again showing the power of God. Gandhi, Robin Hood, and the forefathers of our nation all gave of self for others. There is too much at stake to make the wrong decision. Know pride in what you do and do what will make others proud of you.

As the message hits the airways tomorrow, I hope it reverberates along with the many voices already shouting it. On and on as many rain drops rippling the pond, effecting change and betterment of us all. What is there to say about nothing? Nothing on your license nor your heart? Nothing in the patients or awaiting those who will become sick? Nothing to keep mankinds ever growing ethics in check? There is too much to have ever been put aside.

There is nothing simple about buying a car in this day and age. It's a stressful event and one that should be avoided like the plague by anyone with a weak heart, on blood pressure pills or likely to buckle easily under pressure.

Simply trying to choose between the small cars, sports cars, saloon cars and 4WD's can bring on a migraine. Trying to decide what colour and 'package' you want on your car can leave you dazed. Making sure that the amounts on the final contract tally with the amount you verbally agreed can leave you completely confused - and often massively out of pocket.

Of course if you were to believe the advertising hype, then every new car on the market can and will make heads turn in the street. They can cross a mountain range without getting dirty and house an entire happy smiling family - with children who never bicker, scatter crumbs like confetti or throw up all over the shiny leather upholstery.

Putting aside this ever so slightly rose tinted image of those who drive cars, it is the ridiculous selling spiel of car ads that can make you shake your head in disbelief. For example, in a safety mad world full of test dummies and statistics it would surely stand to reason that an airbag would come as fairly standard in every car. Yet here some manufacturers still advertise them as a 'feature', along with the tyres, handbrake, engine and wheels nuts... Surely an integrated sat nav system and heated seats would be considered 'features', not those parts of a car designed to actually save your life.

Before going out on the great car hunt it is important to realise that the rules of the game over here are very different to the UK. For starters it is hard to find anywhere to go to actually get yourself a bargain. Dealers seem to close ranks to protect themselves from buyers trying to play one off one against the other and salesmen appear to be immune to any form of negotiating. A 'deal' is what is already written on the car's windscreen, anything else is apparently an insult. Even when searching on the Internet, the countless websites offering to secure you the 'lowest price possible' only charge you for the privilege and then lead you straight back to the local dealer you have already visited.

One of the biggest differences in the car industry here is that it can be just as cheap, if not cheaper to buy a brand spanking new car as it is to buy a used one. Whether out on the dealers forecourt, advertised in the Quokka or parked on the kerb of every roundabout at the weekend, used cars can be expensive to buy. This would of course give the illusion that cars hold their value well - a claim that is certainly made by every salesman about the particular brand they are trying to flog you. The only trouble is, that as far as the owner of the car is concerned, this is only partly true.

If you buy a car from a dealer and then decide to take that very same car back to trade in just 6 months later you might be in for a shock. Suddenly the 'value' of your car has dropped by $1000's. Countless excuses will be given as to why this car (the one in exactly the same condition as when you brought it) is suddenly no longer  worth what you paid. You will even be made to feel unrealistic, greedy and naive for expecting more back than they are offering. Yet drive by the forecourt a week later and you will no doubt see your car has miraculously regained it's value and is once again worth pretty much what you paid for it in the first place.

No one is disputing that every dealer needs to make some money, but why do car salesmen have to use every known underhand method from the 'How to screw your customer over' guide to selling a motor. Of course everyone knows that it's  going to happen, it's part of the game in a very cut throat industry - but why does it have to be so unsubtle that it becomes down right insulting. Hard sell takes on a whole different meaning, they may as well just pin you down and hold a crow bar to your jugular until you offer to pay them to take your heap of a worthless car back off you.

Of course it is undoubtedly harder for dealers to make as much off your trade in here, with an automatic fixed fee to be paid by the dealer on a car before they can even hike up the price and try to resell it. But it's even harder to feel sorry for them, when they instantly try to claw this money straight back off you through overpriced paint protection products, tinted windows and extended warranties. A warranty that incidentally then ties you to a twice yearly service with the dealer in order to keep it valid.

There is a great list of all the tricks and cons used by car salesmen on the Web, one that is definitely worth a read. We did, and when we put the theory to the test unsurprisingly 9/10 of those who rushed out to meet us were true to the list and passed with flying colours.

Of all of the lines that we were fed, the most jaw dropping of all was that we would only be given a trade in price on our car when we had signed a contract to buy another car. Why? Because in her words 'the price they would offer changed from day to day'. As if. Did we look like we just fell off a passing banana boat with half a brain between us? To really add insult to the attempted day light robbery, when we said that we weren't ready to 'commit' to her there and then, she basically threw a business card at us and walked straight out of the door to the next unsuspecting customer.

To say that the whole experience was more doom than Zoom Zoom Zoom would be a massive understatement. We hot footed it immediately and left her offending and definitely unwanted business card propped up in the branches of the nearest tree.

Yes I know that not all salespeople are the same. My husband worked in the industry for years and he certainly didn't work that way. But as is often the case (think double glazing salesmen and dodgy builders) it only takes one bad experience and a shifty individual to make you wary of anyone bearing down on you with an insincere smile and monthly targets to meet.

I'm glad to say that we did eventually find something of a rarity in the industry - a salesperson who was not only genuine, but also went out of her way to help us. She proved that it is possible to be nice without being smarmy, that you can sell without using thumb screws and that when it comes down to the customer, people will always be happier to buy from people. The sort of people that they like and respect, not those that try to patronise or bully them into buying something they can't really afford.

: : : : : : : : : : :

Well, eitherway my life has become as placid waters...peaceful with little disruptions, laid back like a distorted vacation of sorts. But the desire for more is paramount. It keeps me alive, it keeps me sain. Wanting the little disruptions of everyday life has consumed me. There is this song I once wrote called "Placid Waters". Fitting in a way, for it goes:

"Oh placid waters of my soul, be refreshed, rattle and jolt...Lord come with your living water, oh Lord your living water..."

I would love to see "living water", the spirit and miracles "rattle and jolt" my life, and may He do the same for you.

But when one becomes hospitalized with a life-threatning condition, and depends on others to take care of him or her, the word friendship takes on not only a new set of meanings, but also it becomes a driving force for survival. Doctors and nurses become more than just such, they become your friend almost instantly. Even without any history between the patient and the personnel. Further, the people who are your family and closest friends reveal themselves as such better than ever. One example of this is my best friend has chosen to take on an active role in my care-taking. Not to say though that we won't just be hanging out most the time. This type of fortification of friendship is beyond remarkable and nearly will drive one to tears. Such kindness is amazingly reassuring.

Without it I could not see one surviving such ill times as easy. Speaking without such kindness, many people choose to distance themselves from the patient. In my case, it has been several people real close to my heart. This show of disregard measures up to what some may deem a destroyer of friendship, or simply put, a betrayal. Though such behavior is highly present in the world of the sick and ill-fated, it should not be so with love ones. Understandable happenstance aside, if you claim love for another...then you should be there not only to enjoy the good times with him or her, but also claim the seat next to them in ailment. Such as to proove ones loyalty, love, and commitment. With such done, the patient, once pulled through, has the honorable obligation to be there for the people who were there for him or her. Thus, this system creates a support system that strengthens peoples lives and makes a community more of a family.

To those who have not been there for your loved ones, just remember it is not too late ever to attempt reconciliation. May God be with you if you are such a person and may your attempts to redemption be fruitful and gain you stronger friendships

Artists rendering of trained statisticians

The questions, in the likelihood that you haven't been paying attention, were as follows:

1) On average, how often do you visit the site on a weekly basis?

2) Have you been cleverly enticed into attending a match after visiting the site?

3) How many matches have you attended so far this season?

On question 1, 50% the respondents answered "once a week" and 50% answered "twice a week".  One added that they "love reading our comments and stories after the game."  That makes two of us!!

On question 2, 100% responded "No" the (unsolicited) explanation being that they "were going to attend the matches anyway".  So much for the bottom tier of my pyramid scheme***.

On question 3, half of the respondents answered "all home games, some away games"; the other half responded "all home games, all away games, except Buffalo, because nobody in their right mind willingly goes to Buffalo".  Interesting....VERY interesting.

Thank you to the two people who responded to the poll.

Oh yes, and the Stoners defeated the electrifying Morris County Colonials 3-2.  Read about it here!

*not really true

**no actual statisticians were employed during the course of this study

***for more details on my pyramid scheme, email me here to attend my free, no-obligation informational session at the airport Motel 6

Confusing?

It's more easier to give ironic examples rather than explain it.

1. In KungFu Panda, Shi-Fu sends a duck to instruct a prison to tighten it's security to prevent it's lone prisoner from escaping. The lone prisoner escaped thanks to that duck, and possibly might not have been able to escape without it.   [SPOILER ALERT! - If you haven't watched KungFu Panda, the information I have released may spoil your movie experience. I think I should have wrote this spoiler alert before I actually spoilled it, but I'm to lazy to do that. Consider yourself warned!]

2. The entire Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Dorothy wanted to return home, she travelled far and had to encounter perilous dangers to meet someone who could tell her how to get home. At the end of her journey she found out she had the means to get home from the very beginning. Oh the irony! Her companions also experience alot of irony in a similar manner. The people in the emerald kingdom were worshiping a short scientist who they thought was a large powerful wizard.

3. Supermans only weakness is from the planet he was born and wants to return to.

There are various other ironic examples you can find just by  googling. Most of them are quite interesting.

The first time the word "ironic" came into my life was in the form of a song, ironically named "ironic" by Alanis Morrisette. Honestly I just understood the meaning of irony just recently, which was the result of researching "wordpress" on wikipedia.

I'll just plagiarize and copy paste the article here.

Sponsored themes

On 10 July 2007, following a discussion on the WordPress ideas forum and a post by Mark Ghosh in his blog Weblog Tools Collection, Matt Mullenweg announced that the official WordPress theme directory at http://themes.wordpress.net would no longer host themes containing sponsored links. Although this move was criticized by designers and users of sponsored themes, it was applauded by some WordPress users who consider such themes to be spam. The official WordPress theme directory ceased to accept any new themes, including those without sponsored links, shortly after the announcement was made.  Ironically, the closure of the official site and its consequent lack of up-to-date themes drove many people into downloading themes from unofficial sites which inserted their own spam links into all themes downloaded from them.

Oh the irony!

http://xcvx.wordpress.com/2008/05/29/leaflet-pamphletrubbishleaflet-pamphletrubbish/

For those too lazy to read, the sypnosis is something about how I always take pamphlets/brochures/leaflets if they are handed out to me regardless of if I am interested. I would even take the same item 3-4 times and dispose of it in any nearby rubbish bin.

Some of my friends say that I am being mean and I am wasting people's money. I argued, stating that I was in fact helping the promoters "distribute" their pamphlets at the same time helping them reach their daily "pamphlet distribution" quota. As usual my friends don't really believe my theory as they are good people, and my theories are always borderline sad/evil.

Well, something happened to me recently that actually "proved" my theory.

I was out at KL Sentral, hanging around. Wondering what to do. Then I walked passed some people who were promoting "U-mobile" or something. It is a wireless broadband service which I would say is attractive and interesting but I was more interested in other things at that time. A promoter approached me and handed me a pamphlet. Before I could swiftly fade into the crowd, the promoter skillfully stepped in front of me, not exactly in front but at a 45 Degree angle. I was feigning interest when his sidekick appeared at the opposite 45 Degree angle. Oh Nose! I feel trapped! I played my "semi-interested but actually not interested" act. A dialog with them ensued.... (Slight variation and exaggeration may be applied either due to memory failure or for dramatization effect)

Promoter1 : Wanna try out our wireless broadband service?

Me : Erm, no thanks. I'm using Streamyx as my broadband service provider.

Promoter2 : But you can use our broadband service at your office!

Me : My office already has broadband internet access.

Promoter2 : But using our broadband service you can access the internet from anywhere!

Me : I normally only go online at home, when I'm out I have better things to do than go online.

Promoter1 : So why don't you try our broadband service for you home?

Me : Erm... I thought I already said I'm using Streamyx....

Promoter2 (interjecting) : I'm sure the service isn't that good.

Me in my heart : You got that right, Streamyx is unreliable and slow at times it makes me wanna break my modem....

Me acting as usual : Erm, my dad pays for the Streamyx, so I don't really want to worry about changing my service provider.

Promoters : ...... (Silence)...

Me : .... (Thinking I should be a good guy as what my friends always urge me I hand back their pamphlet to them)...

Promoter 1: Oh, nevermind, you can keep that and have a look at it.

Me : Erm... hokai tenks bai!

LOL! See!! I wanted to do the "right" thing and give the pamphlet back since I was obviously not interested but the promoters refused to accept it back. Normally whenever a mathematician proves a formula, or a philosopher/scientist proves a theory they get to name it. I guess I've proven my theory so I'm naming it "Theory Of Pamphlets Are Rubbish" or TOPAR for short.

Continuing my brief encounter with the promoters...

I felt relieved that I finally escaped their "Opposing 45 Degree Way Blocking Promoting" Kungfu. Within the minute I found myself instinctively heading towards a rubbish bin....

Surrounded by the rolling hills of the New York Amish countryside, our three-hour pilgrimage north left us in a line of cars queued up to enter the festival. For a few minutes, you could see nothing but the cars in front of you, but as we slowly waited in line, a young and very pretty girl walked up to our window. She asked us if this was our first ‘Heron’ and we informed her that it was. She ran over the parking instructions, asked how we intended on staying the weekend. We didn’t have a very solid plan laid down, so we asked for her opinion. She said that staying in the tent camping was nothing short of “Amazing.”, but alas, we had packed for the trip with the anticipation of living out of our vehicles, and didn’t have the proper supplies to sleep in the forest. She reassured us that we’d still have the greatest weekend. She penciled in a letter on our windshields and we continued in the line.

Once we got to the end of the line, we were directed into a steady, well-organized pull-off where we received our wrist-bands, parking passes and instructions. Because of our dependence on the vehicles, we chose to stay in the ‘quiet-camping’ area, up on the other side of the hill. Climbing that hill with our vehicles, we were stunned with the overlooking view of the festival. We hadn’t even gotten out of the trucks, but already the festival’s vibrant energy overtook us. You could hear both stages booming with music and excited spectators, you could see the colorful flags of the vendors and smell the assortment of different foods. You could see thousands of people, all of them smiling.

We chose a campsite at our discretion and began to unpack. Parking the two trucks back to back, we were able to convert our tailgate areas into a sort of back porch that involved tarp overhangs and a hammock strung between the two latches. We threw up a tent to keep our supplies in, unpacked the perishables, arranged the coolers, grabbed a beer and sat down and observed the festival from afar for a little.

We had barely gotten camp set up when the neighboring campsite yelled to us “Hey! You guys play beer pong?” We accepted the challenge and were introduced to Patrick, Jessie and Jessica. Patrick, a man in his late twenties, worked for the Post Journal, a local newspaper, and was enjoying his first Heron as well. Jessie worked with him at the Journal and her friend Jessie had come along for the ride. I’ll never forget ‘Patrick’s Sexy Dance’, a celebratory dance which was practiced upon winning a cup at beer pong. The dance involved him getting low to the ground, rhythmically humping the air above him with one hand waiving in victory. We played a few rounds of very poor beer pong, enjoyed each other’s company for a little, and then parted ways and decided it was time to go over to the festival.

We were dawned in fairly appropriate attire, me sporting a vintage T-shirt and my handmade bell-bottoms, the others in their equally period dress. We headed down the hill, and began to absorb what was around us. The main path down to festival was littered with every single example of counter-culture you can imagine, from the old ladies in their tie-dye shirts to the teenage stoners, and everyone in between.

The farm that the festival is held on is a 300+ acre plot of land, which used to be a campground and now simply grew some Shiitake mushrooms in a distant field somewhere. Our understanding from various conversations was that the owner, Jean makes the festival her full time job, and uses her land every year for exclusively this festival. The open fields are used to house kid’s play areas, the concert stage and the massive amounts of vehicle camping and parking. However, the majority of the land is under a wooded forest where the previous campground paths still exist. Most of the weekend visitors to the festival stay in the wood trails, and friends, seeing these trails was one of the greatest experiences of my life:

The trials were inhabited by mostly kids in my age range, though there were some families and older generations camping there too. As no vehicles were allowed in the trails, everything that we saw around us was brought in on foot or cart. We guessed that around 2-3 thousand people were staying here in the woods, and the expansive miles of trails weren’t enough to dilute them. Every inch of forest you could see was covered in tents, tapestries, people playing guitars, artists, wanderers… people of every flavor. We spend the first hours at the festival walking these trails and meeting people. After the first hours of our festival time had elapsed, we had met far too many people to remember and had met people from as far away from us as California and as close to us as Penn Hills. Everyone on these trails was having a good time, they were all smiling, all exuberant about the festival. The scenes from my memory of that first walk through the tent sites will be forever etched into my brain, because it was the first time I could ever recall when I had ever seen so many people be happy. There wasn’t mortgages, there weren’t jobs and parking tickets and divorces. There were just thousands of people meeting each other, embracing the event and casting off so much energy, you could damn near feel it giving you a sunburn.

After some recovery time from that event, we stopped back at the campsite for some cleanup and met our new neighbors from New York. They were on a trip from Brooklyn to see the festival and Niagara falls.

Finally, we went and listened to some music. There were dozens of bands that occupied the two stages of the festival. I spent all of my time at the main stage. These were all bands I’ve never heard of, but now will never forget, because the incredible stage energy of these bands was nothing like the Nickelback concerts we are used to. These bands played for the love of the music. One band, the Town Pants, was a sort of Celtic-Punk casserole, which sounded like a much-more authentic and high energy version of the Dropkick Murphy’s. There were so many other acts that I can’t even begin to recall all of their acts, but bands like Entrain, Donna the Buffalo and the Town Pants are reason enough to pay the admission charge to the festival.

After a night of dancing hard in front of the stage for hours, we took another short walk through the forest to try to gather more sensory perception from the thousands of crazy people back there, and then decided it was time to go to bed. We went to sleep fast, excited to wake up the next day.

By 10am, we were already up and cleaned-up. After a few minutes of talking with Paisley, Gene, Ray, Mindy and their gang, we wound up down at the festival. We spent a few hours in the kid’s field, where we all tried our hands at Crystal Stix, a game where you use two batons to try to keep a third stick from hitting the ground. I spent less time than the others at this game, as I was intrigued by a set of tom-tom’s laying in the grass. I picked them up and spent a little while reacquainting myself with some technique, and then began rocking out for what seemed like hours. At a festival like this, playing music just felt so good.

Later in the day, we took a few rounds around the woods again, meeting people like Michael, who dressed in only gray shorts and had a fake lion’s tale drooping behind him, or Marly who danced with us at the stage and we couldn’t quite tell if she was fond of any of us or just liked to drift in between people. We also met Chris and Lynn, who were 17 year veterans of the festival, and always make sure to get the same camp site every year. Yes, we have pictures of most of these people.

But before long, the music picked up and we spent most of the rest of the night dancing and jumping around with the other thousands of people crowded around the stage. This was the second night of the festival, and you could tell that everyone wasn’t going to waste it. I stood there in amazement as old people took their clothes offs, adults casually passed joints around to each other, and a toddler was running in between all these legs dancing to the music. It was a harmony. Every race, age and gender was blending as the music made us all dance and smile for hours.

That night ended with pizza rolls and beer as we discussed the events of the day around the campfire with our neighbors. One last morning left before we had to return to the real world.

We woke up in the same fashion, early and anxious. We did a great deal of cleaning the camp, took our usual cold-water wash-off, saw our neighbors off on their journey, and then headed to the festival one last time.

Some of the bands from the past few days were playing entire encore sets; the vibe was a little different than the past few days. It was obvious that no one wanted to go home, and I don’t just mean us four. The entire festival seemed a little upset about having to leave. My new favorite band, Entrain took the stage and I stayed for the entire set front row. I felt really good about it all.

We finally packed up, spent a while trying to get out of town, and eventually made it to the highway. The entire way home, we talked about how much the trip changed our lives and out outlook. For some of us, it was a saving grace for faith in humanity, for others, it was a three-day party, but we all took positive things home and we can’t wait to go back next year. We are forever ‘Heron Heads’ and for once, we saw what life was supposed to be like.

1) On average, how often do you visit the site on a weekly basis?

2) Have you been cleverly enticed into attending a match after visiting the site?

3) How many matches have you attended so far this season?

I'm sure I could do a better job asking poll questions, but I DID NOT pay attention in my college statistics class either time.  GO BUCKEYES!

Leave a comment here or send me an email pennsarmy@gmail.com

Well when I say Christmas, I should probably clarify. After all, it is only July and many of us are still trying to shed the weight gained from the last time we dived head first into the festive trough.

I'm not actually referring to any of the good bits of the most expensive day of the year. There were no presents being opened at 3am, no roast dinners on the go since 7am and no empty mince pies cases scattered across every surface in the house. The dog wasn't subjected to wearing antlers and there was certainly no flopping in front of the TV while eating an entire box of chocolates - it's a known fact that unless all Christmas bought confectionery is eaten in one sitting, it will almost certainly be stale by Boxing day.

No. The part of Christmas that crept up and bit me on the credit card today was the mind blowing, hive inducing stress of shopping.

Upon hearing that the Toy Sale of the year had started in Kmart this morning and the store was being stripped of all bargains with every passing minute, I found myself shoe-horning a very unreceptive toddler into his car seat and heading off with my wallet in tow. Now, I like to think I am a fairly organised person. I often start the great 'stocking filler hunt' months before and have everything wrapped up and ready to go by November. But buying 'tree' presents already? It seems like madness. The fact that I also voluntarily subjected myself to the crowds of manic mothers with prams, and the panic comes with trying to decide what our little angels will be wanting in 6 months time - now that is certifiable.

And the reason why so many people were bulk buying for Santa in July? That would be Layby. A concept that makes you buy and spend far more than you ever intended to. Items are then put to one side, paid off slowly throughout the year and collected in a few days before Christmas. The downside of Layby (as experienced by yours truly this morning) is that by the time you have your 3 tonnes of brightly coloured plastic and the 10 AA batteries that each item inevitably required, the Layby que has stretched all the way back around the store to the entrance.

Having already narrowly missed death, by what can only be described as a stampede of highly strung wildebeast, I was faced with two choices. Wait at least another hour with a strapped in and loudly protesting toddler who, like Hansel, had already left a trail of biscuit crumbs throughout the store. Or, head straight for the empty checkout and pay for the whole lot in one go. So defeating the very point in buying early, using Layby and spreading out the pain of the payment.

Seeing as I am already home and the said toys are now crammed into the shed (later to be somehow hoisted into the loft away from the very prying eyes of a 7 year old) I obviously went for the easy option. My flexible friend may not like me much anymore, but at least I am in the safety of my own home and avoided cultivating another wrinkle.

Layby is without a shadow of a doubt a very clever marketing ploy, used by stores to brainwash parents into buying presents early. But, to be fair, it is also a great way to spread the cost of an otherwise bank account draining time of the year.

But be warned. If you are going to shop on the first day of the sales and make the most of all the great discounts - leave your kids at home, take a stool and pack a picnic.

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