The Chinese government has distributed millions of a thick, (sorry, but that's what a multiple-paged document is called) pamphlet to its citizens with instructions about how to leave a good impression and co-exist with all the foreigners coming to Beijing for the Olympic Games that start today. I heard it on the CNN. It must be true.

The announcer read several of the instructions, one of which was addressed to Chinese women who had heavy legs and ankles: wear black stockings.

So, I'm thinking. Uh.Oh. The athletes and visitors are already complaining about the smog--oh, I'm sorry, that has officially been called "fog" due NOT to poor air quality but to "the heat and humidity" currently sweltering those in Beijing. So, now, Chinese women have to add to the humidity and wear black sauna stockings to cover up their disfigurements?

I'm not using the word "disfigurement" loosely here, people.

I went a-googling this morning to find out more about this pamphlet and found this. Oh, yes, don't try going a-googling in Beijing for your search will contain fewer items than what comes up on my computer screen.

So, I went a googling this morning and found this.

The Chinese government issued an apology recently about the inadvertent insensitive language they used in the section about how to handle physically disabled Olympians.

"On the "Physically Disabled," the guide said: "Physically disabled people are often mentally healthy. They show no differences in sensation, reaction, memorization and thinking mechanisms from other people, but they might have unusual personalities because of disfigurement and disability.

"For example, some physically disabled are isolated, unsocial and introspective; they usually do not volunteer to contact people. They can be stubborn and controlling; they may be sensitive and struggle with trust issues. Sometimes they are overly protective of themselves, especially when they are called `crippled' or `paralyzed."'

The guide said volunteers should "not fuss or show unusual curiosity, and never stare at their disfigurement." It also advised volunteer to steer away from words like "cripple or lame, even if you are just joking."

I found no official apology to thick, heavy legged Chinese women so I don't think they were joking.

Do the thick, heavy legged female visitors have to wear black stockings, too?

Spud Hose is totally sold out at Walmart, so she flat out can't go to Beijing on luxurious Spud Air.

Me, either. No way I'm wearing pantyhose in summer.

In fact, I am staring right this minute at my thick ankles, my disfigurement. Haven't been able to look away since I heard the report. When someone tells me not to do something, it's all I do.

That would be because I am sensitive, stubborn and controlling, and struggle with trust issues.

©2008 Pat Coakley

PHOTOGRAPHS CANNOT BE USED WITHOUT PERMISSION

The Ballad of the Female Blogger Finch:

Eat, Fly, Blog, Swear, Die

A cute little finch. A female finch according to my neighbor bird man.

This coincides with an article in last Sunday's New York Times about the annual conference sponsored by BlogHer which began in 2005 to promote female bloggers. The article was titled, "Blogging's Glass Ceiling".

My darling cousin, Mary, a retail wizard in her own right in Palm Beach, sent me the article fedex with "PATRICIA" scawled above it and an arrow pointing to the article.

If you see me and I have a nice piece of jewelry on, Mary gave it to me. If you see me with my blue and white striped jammies on, which I wear winter and summer, Mary gave them to me. If you see me with a pale blue cashmere thingy wrapped around my neck in winter, yup, it's Mary.

In other words, the girl tries to keep me on the right side of presentable. It's been her role all our life. But, well, it's a big job and about to get bigger.

Anyway, the article says that men and women are creating blogs in almost equal numbers but that women at the conference feel they are not taken as seriously by their male counterparts nor are they making as much money even though corporations are making money from them. That's almost word for word from the article.

Okay. We can have our opinions about this. I'm sure we do. I have thoughts about doing more with this blog, I bet some of you do, too. And, I'd love to hear them.

But, this dead female finch AND this article from the New York Times also coincides with the return (I think) of a blog I had started to read before she signed off abruptly last month. The blog was called, "Okay, Fine, Dammit" written by a very talented woman who signed off saying that although she loved blogging, it was taking too much of the time she needed to devote to making money for her family.

She also suggested that the popularity of her blog (and indeed she had some very loyal followers) was not reflecting the real world opinion of her and suggested that some in her real domestic and professional writer's world might be casting doubts on its value and merit, and add it all together--need for money, doubts surrounding her about how valuable it was in the first place--she was packing it in to write more for the print media, which she also despaired seemed to be dying it's own kind of death.

Tysdaddy also read this blog and I'm hoping when he gets back from vacation if he reads this post, he can affirm my version of this or add to it.

Any whooo, here's the real reason for this post.

Suddenly, she's back saying one of her old blog entries was being featured in a new online magazine called BlogNosh and that she had agreed to open her old site up for a few days to entertain the notion of returning.

She was taking the steps to host her site independently. She was going to begin a revenue stream by accepting ads from "Blog Her" ( the sponsor of the conference in the NYTimes article) but she needed to change the name of her blog because they don't put their advertising in blogs that have swears in them, but ok, she didn't want to change it but she would cuz the real world you know.

Ah, this is where I stopped reading and did some serious chain swearing.

Let me summarize: the organization that supposedly is devoted to increasing exposure of women's blogs decides this woman's blog "inappropriate" for revenue because of the word, "Dammit"?

Yes, that is the situation.

And this talented woman has agreed to do it?

Apparently, yes. (I left her my lucy five cents but that won't help pay her mortgage.)

The article in the NYTimes quoted Gina Garrubbo, the executive vice president of BlogHer, "Take the money. Build the business."

Welcome to the real world calculations.

So, what if the name has dammit in it?

So what if it absolutely reflects the true edginess of her blog?

So what if the name suggests what she has long felt and found many readers of like mind.

"Okay, Fine, Dammit"...in other words, so what if the title of the blog suggests capitulating to others and not liking it one bit.

This is what happens in the real world, right?

"Okay, Fine, Dammit," I can hear Maggie, dammit say. I'm gonna change my name cuz these fearless pioneers of women's blogs don't take swears.

Putting up and shutting up (female version) has a long tradition, people. Now, we've got the BlogHer version.

Are you fucking kidding me, BlogHer execs? Now, that's a swear. (Sorry, Mary)

And, now you understand the real reason for this post.

Cue music for Ballad of a Blogger Finch (Female):

Eat, Fly, Blog, Swear, Die

I've made Ballad of the Bogging Finch (Female) greeting cards, mousepads, and shopping bags. Order them here first. They are going fast.

©Pat Coakley 2008

PHOTOGRAPHS CANNOT BE USED WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION

1. What you do when you're drunk is just a manifestation of your actual self. Nobody does something that they didn't already want to do when drunk.
2. Because there is no penetration when two women are together (sexually), it is quite a different scenario when two men are together (sexually).
3. In a heterosexual relationship, a woman revealing that she'd had a one time experimentation in sex with a woman is virtually a non-issue but a man revealing a similar episode with another is an immediate deal breaker.

Ok. #1 - this is total bullshit. My example - a guy (21+) is extremely drunk and a persistent and attractive 14yo (or 15-16yo) has been hitting on him all night. He finally does the deed with her. Is the guy a pedophile? What about the drunk guy or gal that palms a shot glass at the bar? Does that mean he/she is a thief? To be honest, I think most people saying the stuff in #1 would say no. However, they'd also say that sex is a much different thing and attempt to push some metaphysical connection of sexuality and one's true self versus any other behavior that I could show could be generated under the influence of alcohol but never when the person is sober.

#2 - I think this one is a case of homophobia. Strangely enough, just as many women expressed this sentiment as men. Which means there is some sort of phobia among these women of men who have either been in this situation or otherwise exhibit behavior that they consider too feminine. I think this is in part tied to #3.

#3 I find this interesting. Why is it that a women would be a lot more threatened by a man having experimented with another man? Some of the comments on this give explanations that run like when a woman does it, it can be written off as she was lonely or didn't have a man, but when a man does it, it points to him being a latent homosexual. Or a man doing this is immediately no longer "manly" enough for me". Whatever the rationale, this suggests to me that there is still a big gender equality gap. Relationship-wise, there is something more important about a man being a man than a woman being a woman.

However, religion also a powerful institution which shapes gender relation. Gender would not be a problem if women and men were constructed in a fair way. However, in general, the construction is more favorable to men than to women. Different social norms and expectations of men and women have resulted in gender inequalities within our society.

In many case, religion is being used to perpetuate gender inequality, particularly where it is perpetuate perceptions of women's role in family, society, politics and the workplace.   Consequently, religion can also become one of the Religion can also become one of the important basis for discrimination, exclusion and/or marginalisation, subordination, violent and harmful practices towards women.

This religious based gender inequality is the 'on-the-ground realilty" for many of us. It is an inescapable landscape for development. Religion is often used to deny the fundamental women's human rights. It is used to justify women's marginalisation in decision making positions, which in return has alienated women from participating and influencing civil and political lives.

For those reasons, Oxfam held an Action for Gender Relation in East Asia's (AGRA) workshop on religion and gender inequalities in Bali (20-21/01) to reflect back on the problems and also share experiences and learn among participants from Oxfam situated in East Asia, particularly Indonesia, Thailand, Philippines, Vietnam and also Cambodia.

!!!

AGRA is a networking event for Oxfam staffs in the Southeast East Asia region. For more than 10 years, Oxfam has held an annual capacity building workshop focusing on prevailing them pertinent to Gender.