Or, as we say in the South, "Mornin' y'all."

Well, it's that time again, time for your little dash of Irish to your week, which is good, because the closest we get to Ireland south of the Mason-Dixon Line is the occasional O'Douls, followed by roughly three years of good-natured ribbing from our buddies, chastising us for not drinking Diesel.

Anyway, let us know how you're liking -- or if you're liking -- the Limericks. We haven't exactly gotten a ton of feedback, even if we have gotten some excellent links. Thanks to all for caring.

TENNESSEE

Kenny O'Neal couldn't feel much worse
For the football he’d constantly thirst
But Cutcliffe wouldn't oblige
And you could hear O'Neal’s rise:
"I can do more than run a damn reverse"

“Fosters” may be Australian for beer
But in Knoxville that name should strike fear.
He’ll be the all-time top running Vol
If he’d just hang on to the ball
He may be remembered for an amazing career.

ALABAMA

At Bama they still talk about the Bear
T'weren't no team that he couldn't scare
But he's been gone for decades
And their glory continues to fade
Haven't mattered since the Means affair.

There's a kid in the Tide backfield named Grant
Who's as fast as a Florida fire ant.
But he shies on contact
And falls on first impact
So he remains the little engine that can't.

Got this pic off EDSBS.com

OLE MISS

Yaw, yaw, ya-yaw, yaw, I’m gone.
Yaw yaw yaw ya-yaw yaw so long.
Ya-yaw yaw, ya yaw
Ya-yaw yaw ya yaw,
Ya-yaw yaw yaw yaw dang Bren Shaffah!

VANDERBILT

So, Vandy, you’ve got to be kidding me
No bowl game, but you beat 5-6 Tennessee?
Didn’t matter to y’all
So starved for positive football
You made a freakin’ DVD!

FLORIDA

The cream of the crop's name is Percy
Leaves defenders grasping air, not his jersey
But no matter how he glows
He's in the shadow of Tebow
Still opponents do scream Lordy Mercy.

GEORGIA

In Athens dwells this dude called MoMass
The Dawgs' expectations for him rose quite fast
They were all so pumped
"Hey, you seen this guy jump"
Too bad for them he can't hold on to a pass.

LSU

In Death Valley the wins just keep coming
Despite play-calls that are just plain mind-numbing
Fans call it that
Because other teams fall flat
But opponents say it's because of the plumbing.

AUBURN

Auburn and Tubby are in heaven
He's already holding up seven
He's getting his kicks
Already got number six
Man, I can't wait to get even.

KENTUCKY

They tell me there's a Wildcat named Dicky
Looked him up, but no luck on wiki
Just a slow white guy
Can't even jump very high
But still makes DBs look sickly.

ARKANSAS

Where, oh where is McFadden?
After three years -- poof! -- gone like Aladdin
Now there's an empty backfield
And a team who'll get drilled
Since his first year, you knew it would happen.

MSU

At State, '07 ended years of frustration
Wins over Bama and Auburn were an inspiration
But the future isn't bright
'08 wins look to be slight
Hey, maybe Croom should do a castration.

SOUTH CAROLINA

The SEC has editors in shock
The headlines they write are all schlock
But that's what you get
When the Hogs have a Dick
And Steve Spurrier is the head of the Cocks.

]]> http://3rdsaturdayinblogtober.wordpress.com/?p=1265 Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:55:46 +0000 ghostofneyland http://3rdsaturdayinblogtober.wordpress.com/?p=1265 Ah, your weekly dosage of limericks. And before you comment and say, "You guys used some of the same subjects as last week," well, they're different limericks. And we're not very creative, after all. Hope y'all enjoy...

ALABAMA

There once was a coach named Nick.
Who came across as being a prick.
But with the recruits he compiled
The way he was reviled
Was overlooked, cuz he was doing the trick.

The Tide's expectations are high so we're told
Though the reputation is getting quite old
But ask your average fan
And you'll hear to a man
"I don't care, just win the damn Iron Bowl!"

TENNESSEE

Alex Bullard didn’t need any more time
To rule out Rocky Top and Denny Chimes
When his recruitment did end
He pledged to go to South Bend
Cuz he likes looking through beer goggles all the time.

(Editor's note: Basically, this is all I'm going to say about Alex Bullard. I wish him the best in South Bend. If it was a Notre Dame education he chose, there's nothing that any Vol could have done about it. I just hope he likes looking at ugly chicks and freezing nine months out of the year.)

You'll find in the Vol Secondary
A second-year phenom named Berry
Though some people think
There could be a sophomore jinx
The prospect of facing him is scary.

GEORGIA

Here's the tale of an Athens QB
Arm like a gun and built like a tree
Still he can't make a decision
And without any precision
A heavy dosage of Knowshon we'll see (we'll see)

FLORIDA

The QB at Florida goes by Tim
Last year the Heisman was given to him
Put up incredible stats
Left all the competitors flat
But I still say it should've gone to McFadden.

LSU

A blue-chipper who went by Perrilloux
Had the perfect name and arm for the Bayou.
But he had an affinity for weed and guns
And after three years was done
Now he's transferred to a jail called JSU.

AUBURN

On the plains lurks a man with large ears
Who has owned Bama for years
But with a new sheriff in town
And his recruiting stars down
It may be time to turn in that application to Sears.

KENTUCKY

In Kentucky lives a fellow named Brooks
Who is, I fear, as old as he looks
Just don't call him after eight
Cuz he'll get irate
And act like his pudding you took.

OLE MISS

There’s a new guy in Oxford named Snead
Who fills the Rebs’ biggest need.
And with a boyband name like “Jevan”
The grove girls are in heaven
Who cares that he probably can’t read.

ARKANSAS

There’s no more Wild Hawg in the ‘Ville.
But the rabid fans are optimistic still.
Cuz Pignocchio is here
And the days of Mallet are near.
At least until Petrino weasels out of his deal.

MSU

In Starkville lives a man named Sly Croom
Who gave the state of Alabama the broom
But that was 0-7
And will seem like heaven
when his record this year spells his doom.

SOUTH CAROLINA

There's a long-hair in Carolina named Garcia
Who stays baked more than a tortilla
With all his run-ins with the cops
He becomes a recruiting-class flop
And the only thing that could sully him more's gonorrhea.

VANDERBILT

Selling tickets in Nashville’s a bore
Cuz nobody wants to go watch the ‘Dores
It’s OK no one came
You really want your doc at the game,
Or practicing his surgery technique some more?

It's SEC Limericks time ... and so too will be every Friday between now until the football season starts. (At least, if everything goes according to plan.) We know Joel at RTT has his haikus, and other blogsites have their regular features, so we here at 3SIB have decided to throw our hat in the ring.

Every Friday, we'll present to you guys a new limerick for each SEC team and two new ones for Tennessee and Alabama -- and the best thing about it is ours are leprechaun-free ... well, except for the occasional Nick Saban sighting.

I'm findin' me lucky charms, aight?

Please include your own limericks in the comments section, but please keep them at least PG-13 rated... Thanks! Hopefully you guys will enjoy these as much as we enjoyed coming up with them ...

TENNESSEE

There once was a fellow named Phil
Who orange-clad fans loved to grill.
But by the time December came
And we were in the Championship game
He found a way to keep his job still.

**

In Knoxville lived a drunk kicker named Britton
Who vowed to all he was quittin'
But he kept hopping bars
Then hitting parked cars
Till half a season he found himself sittin'.

ALABAMA

A kid named Elder at Bama had balls
He robbed two kids at gunpoint with no cause
His time in T-town was brief.
And Ghost sighed with relief
"At least this one didn't play for the Vols."

**

John Parker Wilson was dumb as whipped cream.
He always threw to the other dang team
But when compared to McElroy
And Shula's other boys
He looked like a Crimson wet dream.

Psst, Ross is better at life.

FLORIDA

How could we forget the Gainesville God?
With the golden arm and the bionic bod.
The object of national media affection
Who gives Verne Lundquist erections
And nobody sees this as odd?

GEORGIA

In Georgia dwelt a man named Saint Mark
Whose hair in the middle did part
But despite being a tool
He was still considered cool
And a dynasty he seems destined to start.

Mark? Bravo, man. If one hot woman and a bunch of five-stars think you're cool, what more do you need?

LSU

There once was a dummy named Les
Who seemed to coach his team into a mess
But with talent that crazy
Even a coach who is lazy
Can come out looking like the best.

AUBURN

Auburn's offense is Franklin's to use
With the spread no more three-n-out blues
His technique is a big hit
They spent thousands to get it
But for $19.95 so can you.

KENTUCKY

There's a man in Kentucky named Brooks
Who took over for a couple of crooks
Last year was an anamoly
He loses the apostrophe
How long before he gets the hook?

Brooks aging ... before our very eyes ...

OLE MISS

A man with the unfortunate name of Nutt
Got in trouble for texting a slut
When he was run out of his hometown
He didn't have to look around
He took the job where the best gals did strut.

ARKANSAS

In the Ozarks lived Travelin' Bob
Who couldn't seem to settle into a job
He'd compile a few wins
Then bolt town again
And on his butt was endless prints of doorknobs.

MISS STATE

The Bulldogs got Liberty Bowl cash
But next season could feel like a rash
'Cause the heat will be on
and old Sly could be gone
but they'll keep him for that Swedish Chef 'stache.

Sly, pre-stache

SOUTH CAROLINA

Let me tell you of the Ole Ball Coach's fate
In Columbia to make them great
But as coach Spurrier would learn
You need talent to turn
A turd into a prom date

VANDERBILT

In Nashville lived a coach who booked his own hearse
When he took over the SEC's worst
But instead of building a winner
He became more of a sinner
Because coaching Vandy can lead even the best man to curse.

]]> http://3rdsaturdayinblogtober.wordpress.com/?p=1231 Wed, 28 May 2008 18:30:58 +0000 ghostofneyland http://3rdsaturdayinblogtober.wordpress.com/?p=1231

GAINESVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- Days after Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah was arrested and issued citations on separate occurrences, the former University of Florida standout's female fans everywhere were disappointed.

"How could this happen?" 12-year-old Sally Smith said, gripping her Noah doll tightly underneath the arm of her Gators jersey. "Noah was my hero. I wanted to grow up and be Joakim Noah. Now, I'm just going to have to settle for being ugly."

Noah broke Sally Smith's heart ... he'll probably be the only one

Noah and NBA first-team All-Rookie selection Al Horford helped lead the Gators to consecutive basketball national championships in 2006-07, and Noah is legendary around these parts.

Besides being the offspring of former professional tennis player and French music star/underwear model Yannick Noah and a Swedish supermodel, Noah also gained notoriety for becoming the first female to play men's college basketball.

In doing so, Noah became a hero to little girls everywhere with her on-court swagger, scrappy play and nappy hair.

"Joakim showed everybody that ugly girls -- I mean really, really ugly girls -- could make a difference," said 9-year-old Kera Murphy of Ocala. "Now, she does this, and it's just really hard to love her. I felt like I knew her.

"I guess it's inevitable that ugly girls are going to wind up drinking alcohol, smoking pot and trying to keep a grasp on their one shining moment ... if they're lucky enough to have one."

Kera wanted to be like Noah

Noah -- who still claims to be a male -- was arrested for possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana and having an open container of alcohol while visiting Gainesville, but she also was issued two traffic citations Sunday. Noah was cited by University of Florida police for not wearing a seatbelt and driving with a suspended license.

Officer Billy Jorts, who pulled over Noah, said the whole encounter was bizarre after blue-lighting the Hummer to pull over.

"She was sobbing hysterically," Jorts said. "I didn't really know what to do. I mean, I knew who she was -- everybody in Florida knows who she is -- but the law is the law, ya know? If she was hot, I may have let her go."

Yannick Noah doesn't understand all the fuss about what's happening with his little girl. From his Champ Ellysees loft apartment that doubles as his harem during the French Open, the elder Noah emerged from his weed cloud long enough to offer his opinion on the situation.

He said Joakim is just misunderstood.

"'Joakim' in Hebrew, means 'pot-smoking love-maker,' or maybe it means 'misunderstood' ... I can't recall," Noah said. "That's what Joakim is and has always been: A pot-smoking, love-maker who is misunderstood by society. Why can't Joakim wear panties under the basketball uniform? I don't understand.

"When Joakim comes to visit me, I've got a room full of hydroponic marijuana plants just for him. I don't understand all the fuss about this."

When informed that "Joakim" actually means "the Lord will judge" in Hebrew, Yannick Noah shook his head: "Then let the Lord judge and let him smoke as much reefer as he likes. Screw laws."

While Noah was in town, Gators coach Billy Donovan spoke with her about the mistakes and just tried to relay her that -- next to Candace Parker -- she was probably the most recognized woman in the sport. Things like this simply cannot happen.

Joakim can only pray she lands a hottie like Candace's beau

"(S)he's realized (s)he made a mistake," Donovan told the Gainesville Sun. "I want to see what happens with everything that went on there. In my conversation with (her), (s)he feels bad.

"The thing I've tried to talk to (her) about is there are so many young kids who look up to (her), and (s)he's such a giving kid and (s)he's always given his time. (S)he needs to turn this into a positive and being able to help young kids because (s)he has a great opportunity to really help a lot of people. I told (her) to try to turn this into a positive because (s)he's got enough of a personality that (s)he can do that."

"We love happy Joakim, and (s)he's just been depressed."

You're the best, Joakim! XOXO, 3SIB

Sure we're all close friends here. UT and UA fans co-existing, which is what makes this blog so decent, right? Right. Despite the fact that I'd rather pluck hairs from hard-to-reach parts of my body than hear about Alabama recruiting, and I'm sure Crimson Daddy, Tide Fan and Capstone had rather see Terrence Cody nekked than hear me detail the Louisiana-Monroe Day of Joy, but we have to rag each other, right?

Well, through all of our disagreements, arguments and rantings, we can come together in oneness over a few things: We love to make fun of the Small Ten up north, we like picking LSU and Auburn scabs and ... my personal favorite ... we share a disdain for the University of Florida Gators.

Whether it's from being the first-place loser in the Tim Tebow sweepstakes or getting manhandled by them every year without fail, we all have our reasons. So, UT and UA fans, unite as one! At least for a couple of minutes this offseason. I give to you the Florida anthem: "This is why you suck." It may be a little old, but it never gets old ...

(Warning: There is a little bit of language, so proceed with caution.)

The Tide did rally late to put the game away.  The final score was 80-69 in the first round of the SEC Tourney.  Florida was a bubble team, but with this loss the NIT has already sent it's invite.

Mykal Riley led the way for the Tide scoring 26 points on 9-15 shooting.  Richard Hendrix was 2 boards shy of his typical double-double but did add 22 points to the mix.  There were also some flashes of talent in Yamene Coleman's game.  Some of the moves shown tonight by Coleman were ones I never thought he had.  Finally, Alonzo Gee showed why And 1 street ball might be his calling of the future (only kidding) with a nice dunk from the pass of Rico Pickett.  Oh yeah, he also had 13 points.

Hope for a miracle remains in the eyes of Tide fans as Alabama will take on Western Division rival Mississippi St. tomorrow.  Alabama lost the two regular season meetings to State, but not with the confidence they have now.  It should be an interesting game and if Alabama continues to show the emotion and passion they have in the past two games, expect this one to be a tight affair.   I might actually watch the whole thing. 

In honor of the Tennessee Vols -- who turned in a heroic performance to win the Southeastern Conference regular season championship outright last night -- we here at 3SIB decided to ask our favorite "Hero" to endorse this all-orange Goodies post.

Ms. Panettiere obliged. So, here goes the orange ...

• If you want to get inside the numbers, nobody does it better than Joel over at RTT
  
• Here's mass celebration from Fulmer's Belly and Govolsextra.com and the MoonDog man.
• RBK goes with the prose: At the end of the night, it was Tennessee that managed to grab it like a kid under the Christmas tree, ripping the paper off and letting out a scream of emotion as the wrapping revealed a reward no Tennessee team in the last four decades had earned: an outright SEC championship.
• Some farkilicious action over at LWS. And a little more at PowerT, where they poke a little fun at those Vanilla Ice wannabe, highways-on-one-sideway Gators.
• An old buddy -- and Gator -- Andy Staples has a nice piece for CNNSI.com
• Think Bruce Pearl doesn't respect Billy D and the Gators? Try this one: “This is a very special place to come win championships,” noticeably hoarse-sounding UT coach Bruce Pearl said. “We have unbelievable respect for them.” Here's Wes Rucker's link.
• How are they feeling in Gainesville? Picking NITs, I see.
• Highlights, courtesy of ESPN.
• The Orlando Sentinel's Dave Curtis has a strong piece on Tennessee's Pearl.

I'll leave you with my favorite quote of the night, from JaJuan Smith in the Chattanooga Times-Free Press, this great player and proud Tennessean speaks for us all about the championship:

“This means a lot to me, my family and my state.”

It certainly does ...

Superhuman.

That was the first word that came to my mind watching the Tennessee Vols storm back Wednesday night at Florida. Down 16 in the first half and 13 at the break, UT sped back in the flick of a wrist -- two wrists, as a matter of fact. One wrist belonged to senior JaJuan Smith. The other belonged to senior Chris Lofton.

The Vols took a lead, they gave it back, they made some mistakes but they made some memories when it mattered. When the raucous crowd of blue and orange filed out unhappy at the end of the game, the Vols had dispatched a young and talented Gators team, 89-86.

Forget that the Gators hit their first nine shots. Forget that EVERY SINGLE MAJOR CALL went Florida's way -- including a completely bogus off-the-foot turnover with 7 seconds left. Forget that Dan Werner and Walter Hodge had career nights to go along with the consistent star power of Nick Calathes and Marreese Speights.

All of that has been forgotten now, cast down and buried along with 41 years of ineptitude and apathy. For the first time since 1966-67, the Tennessee Vols are the outright SEC Champions. Not only that, these Vols with 27 victories, are the all-time best in school history. These Vols may or may not win the national championship, but these Vols CAN win the national championship.

How do you like those oranges?

Today, I asked Vol Walk to post a game preview of sorts just so our readers realized we at 3SIB didn't forget about the game or the magnitude of the game. In it, VW prophetically called for JaJuan Smith to have a big game. As if he heard him, Smith awoke from his several-game slumber to pour in 23 points. As UT swarmed the Gators to start the second half and finally took a lead with 7:44 remaining, it came on Smith's look-what-I-found steal and layup.

Forty seconds later, JaJuan rolled off a screen and drained an NBA-range 3 to put the Vols up 73-69 with 7:08 remaining. As if that wasn't enough, the Decatur, Tenn., product popped another 3 to give UT a 76-69 lead with 6:42 on the clock. The lead swelled to 10 on the 14-0 run, but the Gators chomped back.

Even after Lofton -- who added 21 points -- drained a 3 from the top of the key to give the Vols a four-point lead, Florida refused to go away. All-world freshman Calathes added a 3 with 1:46 left to tie the game at 85-all. Then, JaJuan had a chance to put his team up two on the free-throw line. Instead, he missed both, but Tyler Smith -- who Billy Donovan prophetically said this week always makes a key play at a key moment -- made one by snaking inside, getting the rebound and putting it up and in for an 87-85 Vols lead.

Then Wayne Chism -- a sub-50 percent free-throw shooter -- sank BOTH free throws when he absolutely had to. How many big players made big plays at big moments? Let me count the stars ...

After a blatant Dan Werner charge -- that unbelievably was called a block by one official and was overruled -- UT tried to inbound the ball, but it (supposedly) went off Tyler Smith's foot back to Florida. A Calathes 3, however, went errant, and the Vols walked off with the SEC Championship.

That, in four paragraphs, was all the summary you need. The rest, along with this season, is history.

So, I want to know where all the doubters are tonight? Where are all those talking heads at ESPN who said UT wasn't one of the best teams in the country? I know that beating a freshman-laden Gators team doesn't necessarily give us that crown, but ...

• What about beating a good, quality team with a loud and proud crowd behind it?
• What about disposing of a team who shot 70 percent in the first half and 100 percent in the first 5 minutes?
• What about taking a team with a savvy young point guard and forcing them into seven turnovers in the second half's first 7 minutes after it only had four fumbles total in the first half?
• What about overcoming a 16-point deficit by outscoring the Gators by 16 in the second half?
• What about wearing down the Gators with tons of depth and consistent talent, even with J.P. Prince, Wayne Chism and Duke Crews all getting four fouls?
• And, finally, what about this:

How are you or anybody else going to doubt this team when they go 3-1 in an 11-day stretch that included at No. 1 Memphis, at No. 14 Vanderbilt, home against a very good Kentucky team that will be NCAA tournament-bound in my humble opinion and now on the road against a Florida team fighting for its NCAA tournament lives? How? I want to know.

The only game we lost in that stretch came with a superstar player playing a superstar game on a hokey-pokey, circus-sideshow, horsecrap home court at Vanderbilt. You know the player and the place, right? It's the one where Shan Foster dropped 42 on Mississippi State -- the other contender for SEC Champion -- on Wednesday night to beat the Bulldogs. Think anybody can't lose there? Anybody in the nation? MSU is playing as well as anyone in the country these days, and it wouldn't surprise me if they were at least a Sweet 16 team. I guarantee you North Carolina, Texas, Duke or UCLA would have fits in Memorial Gym. I guarantee it.

If I sound defiant, it's because I am. I'm feeling this team now. I really believe they can win it all. I'm not saying they WILL, but they CAN. There is no team in the country that will put the pressure on the way this 11 days have. We weathered that storm, and we have one home game and all neutral-court dates from here on out.

I have the utmost respect for Memphis, Vanderbilt, Kentucky and Florida. But, somehow, when we lose to the Commodores, we drop THREE spots in the polls? How does that happen? I realize Memphis has one loss playing nobody, but WE beat THEM on THEIR HOME COURT!! What more do you want?

The teams ahead of UT are good, no doubt. Nationally, I'm just saying it's time the Vols got their due.

You know what? Screw it. Maybe this'll just make them hungrier. They sure looked starved Wednesday, and it's always fun to dine on Gator, especially when dessert is an SEC title.

A five-point lead swelled to 18. Chris Lofton and JaJuan Smith began ripping off 3-pointers and steals, Tyler Smith began dominating the game like he did in nonconference play, punctuating it with two house-crashing dunks. Heck, even Ryan Childress set a screen or two. When the carnage ended, a pretty close game that had been back-and-forth was a 104-82 beatdown.

Meanwhile, the best coach in America stood on the sideline bewildered. (That's right, I wouldn't trade Bruce for many in the country. Billy D. would be on the short list...) "How did this happen?" his look said. "Where did the game go?" After all, this is how Florida is used to beating opponents. With all the immense, young talent that Billy the Kid has accumulated in Gainesville, it's the way the Gators will beat opponents in the near future. He's got a team that's young but disciplined, balanced and terribly talented, and they'll be hard, hard, hard to beat in the O-Dome.

With a name like Marreese, you'd better be good! 

But there have been two games in three years that Bruce Pearl's team has been out of, and with the way the Vols played Tuesday night, you have to think any more games like Texas in November won't happen again. They're too talented and too relentless to not be in games at crunchtime.

It didn't start out this way Tuesday night, though. The Vols trailed 16-3, leading me and my dad to break out some noises unheard by anyone outside of a torture chamber. But even though I watch entire UT football games and basketball games pissed off (I know that's not too hard to believe for my co-writers and frequent readers) I always forget that Pearl's teams have lapses, but they have far more unbelievable runs.

One of those runs separated UT from the Gators on Tuesday, and, in my mind, separated the Vols from the rest of the competition in the SEC -- for the time being. In the past week, we've disposed of Alabama on the road, Mississippi State on the road and Florida at home. We've weathered a pretty tough stretch and looked great doing it. Other than Florida's game-opening run tonight, an Alonzo Gee festival last Tuesday and Jamont Gordon's 3-for-all in the closing minutes against tight defense, the Vols have looked like a team that can go deep in the tourney. Very deep.

With the ensuing Signing Day storm looming, Knoxville needed a pick-me-up, and it got one in a big way. Tyler Smith is simply amazing. There are few in the country better than him nestled in the center against a zone defense because of his sick moves inside. With JaJuan and Lofton on like they were tonight, it's going to be next-to-impossible to beat UT.

Problem is, they won't be on every night -- or at least JaJuan won't. The way Lofton has been playing the past five games (averaging 23 ppg during that stretch coming in and adding 26 on Tuesday), you can almost pencil him in for 20+ every night again these days. He's broken out of his slump in a MONSTER way. But that's where Tyler, Wayne Chism and the return of Duke Crews are so crucial. Crews has given this team exactly what it needed the past handful of games, defensively, rebounding and emotion-wise. He may not score a lot, but his contributions are immeasurable.

They'd better be with what's looming. This team has hit an amazing streak -- the best in the history of the program. They've won 27 in a row at Thompson-Boling, turning it into one of the most hostile environments in the Southeast with the renovations, downsizing and student placement changes. They've scored 60 points in a half twice in the past week. Lofton is Lofton again. And their 20-2 start is the best in the program history.

But ...

Check out this stretch Feb. 23-March 5. It's a run that can make or break a team's psyche heading into the SEC Tourney and March Madness... On Saturday the 23rd, the Vols travel to No. 1 Memphis, the most talented -- yet equally undisciplined as UT -- to take on the deep Tigers. Then, they go to always-tough Memorial Coliseum to face a better-than-advertised Vandy team three days later. Sunday, March 2, UT will come home ... and play a Kentucky team that looks like its building momentum for a probably-too-late NCAA Tourney run on CBS on a Sunday afternoon. Then, at the end of the rainbow on the 5th, the Vols have to go to Gainesville to take on a team full of freshmen who don't play like it now and certainly won't then.

It's a stretch that can cripple a team's invincibility, but it's also a stretch that can build character and momentum, much like last year's Gators. (Tennessee is by no means as talented as that team, but the way the Vols play, a run like that is completely in the picture ...)

There's a lot to be excited about as a Tennessee basketball fan this year. There's also a lot to be nervous about. As long as the Vols keep putting looks on coach's faces like Donovan's tonight, they'll be OK. In my opinion, Tennessee is one of the four most talented teams in the country along with North Carolina, Memphis and Kansas. It is yet to be proven whether the Vols are one of the best.

They sure looked like it against the Gators.

Pumping his arms in the air and high-fiving fans, Tebow seemed to be rubbing it in. We were hurting hard, and there was Mr. Perfect down there, celebrating like he'd just won a championship. He wasn't really rubbing it in, but at the time, I didn't want to hear anything of it. If I'd have had a weapon right then, I'd have probably used it.

He's just so freakin' good. He's just so freakin' dominant. He's just so freakin' passionate. And he's really just such a freakin' decent person off the field, it's almost impossible to hate him. He's like the second coming of Danny Wuerffel.

It's almost impossible, but it's obviously not COMPLETELY impossible because I really, really dislike him. I mean REALLY. Still, I'm not dumb enough to think he's overrated or undeserving of college football's most prestigious award.

I know that most have felt the way I feel about Tebow before. There's so much hype for a player who plays for a team you despise, and you shrug it off and think: "Well, he's not that good," or "I'll believe it when I see it," or "He's not going to be able to carry the team on his shoulders though," or something along those lines.

Rarely does a player or coach live up to considerable hype. Tebow has already, and now UT fans just pray he's just simply THAT good. That he's the perfect quarterback for Urban Meyer's system, and that his system is not going to continually produce dominant quarterbacks the way Steve Spurrier's did.

We're just looking forward to him graduating ... or leaving early. We can't stop him. We may win next year (maybe) but it won't be because Tim Tebow plays a bad game. He has never played one of those. Honestly. Look at his numbers.

Auburn is the only team that kept him under three touchdowns this season, and he still had 276 all-purpose yards and a pair of scores. He also played hurt all year and carried a team without a tailback.

Um, the Gators will have a healthy Mon Williams and USC transfer Emanuel Moody next year, too. A nation cringes.

But watching the Heisman Trophy presentation Saturday night, I still couldn't help but feel that Darren McFadden got cheated. He didn't, of course, but I really wanted him to win. After all, he SHOULD have won last year, even though you can't argue against Troy Smith.

I know TideFan's already written about this, so I'll get to the point:

I finally truly realized how I feel about the Heisman. First and foremost, I hate it and I put no value on it after the 1997 debacle involving Peyton Manning and He Of Whom Nobody In Orange Speaks.

But, beyond that, I want the award to be something it simply isn't. The Heisman goes to the best player in the country that season. It's not a Lifetime Achievement Award. But I really wish it was.

When Peter Jackson's third installment of Lord of the Rings essentially swept the Oscars four years ago, was it really the best movie out there that year? Probably not. Not after the sheer brilliance of Clint Eastwood's interpretation of the Dennis Lehane gritty masterpiece "Mystic River." It wasn't even the best of the trilogy.

After the critical acclaim, amazing visual effects, meticulous detail, tedious direction, impeccable acting and such a brilliant, three-year interpretation of one of the great literary treasures of our time, how can you NOT honor it? It has to be rewarded.

In my opinion, the first one (Fellowship of the Ring) should have won the Oscar because it was against weaker competition (A Beautiful Mind won in 2001), but it didn't. The second one was vastly inferior to the first one. Then, you had to give it to the final part of the trilogy. Essentially, the voters were handcuffed.

If Lord of the Rings had won zero Best Picture awards, it would have been a travesty. This is the most beautiful visual movie ever and easily the greatest fantasy film ever made.

This brings us to McFadden. Now, he will go pro after his three amazing years and -- unless he gets hurt -- onto a Hall of Fame NFL career. Everybody who got to watch him play college football will tell their children how amazing he was. They'll tell them how there was nothing like him in college, much like people talk about Herschel Walker and Bo Jackson.

Both those guys have their Heismans, and McFadden should have one, too.

That's taking nothing away from Tebow, because he was absolutely deserving this year. Absolutely. I just feel like it diminishes McFadden's collegiate greatness (and Peyton Manning's greatness ... I'm trying, y'all to leave him out. Really, I am) that he doesn't have the trophy.

And that Tebow could have three.

The massage of millions will mute McFadden's melancholy, no doubt, much like Manning. But people will only be able to shake their heads when recalling McFadden's Heisman-less career. It's a shame. It truly is.

Then I think: Oh well, they can't all be winners. There was nothing like the Wizard of Oz, either. It just so happened to come out the same year as Gone With the Wind.

It's so very easy to hate players because of the colors they wear when it should be just hating the colors and not the players themselves.

Case in point: Tim Tebow comes across to me as an arrogant pretty boy who is a walking fireball of intensity. He also quarterbacks the Florida Gators, whom I hate nearly as much as Alabama.

Case in point: John Parker Wilson is the quarterback of Alabama. Nuff said. He draws my ire for that reason only.

I'm sure some Bama fans feel the same about Erik Ainge.

But after this article, I have a newfound respect for them. I decided to link it, because we should all learn something from this and about these guys.

I know, I know, they're easy targets, what with the Gators having 10 -- that's right, TEN -- arrests since last year's national championship victory over Ohio State. (Yet, Tennessee's struggles several years ago were plastered all over national publications, but all the national media can talk about this week is Tim Tebow's Heisman campaign. ... Interesting.)

Regardless of the minuscule attention this has received thus far, this incident takes the salami.

Apparently, Gators starting DE Jermaine Cunningham, ex-Gator linebacker John Demps and world-class sprinter and former LSU football player Xavier Carter were arrested and jailed in an Alachua County jail for assaulting a Jimmy John's (Not the Worthless Alabama Fullback/Tailback/Bench Warmer) Subs employee at approximately 2:15 a.m.

Cunningham

Demps

According to reports, the employee told Demps he needed to pay for a bag of potato chips (God forbid). See, the problem here is that Florida players are not used to having to pay for ANYTHING. Demps thought this was a bunch of bologna.

After the request, a disturbance ensued with the players pelting the employee with cups and a sandwich. What a bunch of turkeys (This just doesn't get old?)

Cunningham even faked a run up the middle before chucking his sub at the employee and ripping off his shirt to show his Superman shirt and Tim Tebow tattoo before attacking the employee and dry-humping him while screaming Tony Joiner's name. (OK, I made that last part up.)

But anyway, Demps and Cunningham fled the scene after committing the "battery with a deadly sandwich." That part disappoints me most because it robbed us of this classic scene:

Police officer (drawing his gun): "Son, put down the Reuben, and no one gets hurt."

Cunningham: "I'll throw it, I swear! I love this $%&#! sandwich, but I'll throw it."

Backup officer: "You're surrounded, kid. The Turkey on Wheat will only get you in trouble. Lay down the sandwich."

Demps: "You heard the pig, Jermaine. Show's over, bro."

Cunningham: "They ain't even got my sandwich right, though, man. It's a Chicken Club (tears streaming). YOU HEAR ME! A CHICKEN CLUB!! (Being cuffed now). Rye!? Rye are you arresting me??"

Employee: "This is the most action Jimmy Johns has seen all season. If this Jimmy Johns was in Tuscaloosa, it would be quiet all year."

Urban Meyer's punishment for Cunningham will probably be a solid week of making him eat only Quizno's leading up to the bowl game, he'll be suspended for one play without pay and end up having four tackles for loss and a sack against Michigan in the Capital One Bowl.

Personally, I hate LSU (and that's about as nice as I can put it).  I hate Les Miles and the reasons are quite obvious.  Number 1 - He has to have the largest head on this planet.  Seriously.  Doctors in Indonesia have confirmed such fact.  He doesn't hold the nickname "Hat" for nothing.  I mean come on!  Anytime a "one size fits all" hat doesn't even remotely come close to fitting, you have a problem.  Number 2 - He might be, no, he is the stupidest coach in the history of mankind (once again, that's as nice as I can say it).  Honestly, some of the calls and decisions this man has made simply makes my jaw drop.  Number 3, kinda runs off of number 2 - He is the luckiest person on the face of the earth.  How many lives does this cat get?  He and his team blow their shot at the national championship only to find themselves back into it a week later after falling 6 spots.  How convenient.  How lucky can one get?  Number 4 - I know that Les Miles is not a good coach.  Heck, even LSU fans will tell you that he is not a good coach.  It will show even more in the coming years if he does indeed stay at LSU.  That's why I kinda hope the guy stays.

He's the head coach.  Remember that, big head and all.

Ok, now that I'm off that rant, I would like to discuss some other issues that have caught my attention.  Tim Tebow.  I can't stand the guy.  How in the world does that pretty boy make defenses look bad?  How can you let him do that to you?  This isn't "Remember the Titans."  Sunshine doesn't play for the Gators.  Seriously.  Tebow's "cool breeze" haircut alone should keep him out of the running for any award, much less the Heisman Trophy.  What a joke.  Some say he is by far the best player in the nation and that he is most likely the front runner for the Heisman.  Are you kidding me?  Here is my take on the Tebow situation.  The guy plays two positions.  One, he runs the read option with an occasional dead duckling of a pass (usually a screen to Percy Harvin, who then in turn, breaks 16 tackles with the highlight stick and is finally brought down at the 4).  That's where Tebow straps up to his other position of RB or FB, which ever you prefer, and takes a direct snap that he runs into the end-zone.  Who couldn't do that?  Heck, we could even throw in the shooting guard position on the hardwood in there and still be right.  That little jump pass is cute, isn't it?  Finally, why does Tim Tebow constantly cut the ball inside and try and run over defenders when there is a clear lane the other way that would allow him to easily score?  I don't understand that one bit.  Do you have to prove your man hood to me?  Well, now that I asked myself that question, he does, which brings me to my next point.  Tebow's "Heisman Campaign" should have ended long ago, when he proceeded to kiss Florida safety Tony Joiner.  All bets are off at that point buddy.  You lose.  So with all this being said, I am starting the official "No Go for Tebow" campaign.  He doesn't deserve the Heisman and I won't rest until he doesn't get it.  (I do, however realize that Tebow will probably win the dang thing when it's all over with, but for the interest of our fans and myself, I will refuse to accept it.  There has been a lot of talk about asterisks on awards and records.  Well, if Tebow wins the Heisman, this should be one of them.)

What a cool guy.  How much gel does he go through in a day, I wonder.

Lastly, I will comment on Tommy Tuberville.  Tommy, you have a gift of finding great assistants.  I'll give you that.  I'll also give you props for once again beating Alabama.  Six in a row is quite an accomplishment and I'll be the first one to admit it.  However, how in the world do you sleep at night?  I mean with ears like those, I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink.  How do you do it?  It's a hard decision for me to figure out which is bigger, your ears or Miles' head.  Is that why the Tiger Bowl is so big to both of you?  Tommy, your ears really bother me.  Is there such thing as an ear reduction?  If so, I think you should really think about having that done.  There is not one logical sentence in which the words "skin" and "frisbee" should be used, except when describing your ears as skin frisbees.  That is all.   

Seriously, look at those things.  3/4s of his body weight are attached to his head.

As I wrap this thing up, I would just like to say that this post actually started out as a look back at the season that was in the SEC with a list of the biggest upsets, blah, blah, blah.  I then got to thinking that that was boring and I should switch gears to something else.  And here we are. 

The Capstone King

It will be very interesting to see what happens, especially with two SEC teams getting a chance to play in BCS games, i.e. the winner of the SEC Championship and most likely #4 Georgia.  If this does happen, then the SEC will not fulfill their 8 bowl ties and either Alabama or South Carolina would likely fill that spot.  So let the debating begin.  Who deserves it?  In my opinion neither do.  Even though I'm a die-hard Alabama fan, I'm realistic.  Losing 4 straight games, including a home game to the Warhawks of Lousiana-Monroe to even your record at only 6-6 really doesn't cut it for me.  However, with that being said, I would be delighted to go to a bowl for recruiting, for our seniors (well the few that deserve it), and for our fans. 

When comparing the wins and losses of both Alabama and South Carolina there are several differences.  First of all, South Carolina has lost 5 straight games.  However, the Gamecocks have won at Georgia, and home games against Mississippi St. and Kentucky.  Two of these teams, the Tide lost to this season.  Looking at Alabama's results from this season, we beat Vanderbilt, Tennessee, and Arkansas.  All three of those teams beat South Carolina.  So it is very tough to tell at this point which team would get the nod.  Who knows, with some conferences not being able to fill all of their bowl ties, both Alabama and South Carolina could get bids. 

Anyway, here is what I think the SEC bowl schedule will look like:

Autozone Liberty Bowl:

Alabama vs. Tulsa

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl

Kentucky vs. Florida St.

PetroSun Independence Bowl

Mississippi St. vs. Colorado

Chick-fil-A Bowl

Auburn vs. Boston College

AT&T Cotton Bowl

Arkansas vs. Kansas

Outback Bowl

LSU vs. Wisconsin

Capital One Bowl

Florida vs. Illinois

Rose Bowl

Georgia vs. USC (Trojans, that is)

AllState Sugar Bowl

Tennessee vs. Hawaii

I'm a big fan of God, and I love giving thanks for all He has given me. I love hanging out with family, gorging out and watching football. I always think the sadness of who's gone from family reunions is outweighed by the happiness of the ones who are there.

But I never understood the big deal with turkey. I mean, what the heck?? It's poor man's chicken. Dressing? That's the real star of Thanksgiving. Dressing is the bomb. I mean, why do we not eat this more than once or twice a year? Come on, people. We need to ramp up the importance of dressing. That's the food that puts meat on your bones, not the meat. That's why we go back for seconds. The dressing!!

Anyway, there is a monster, monster weekend of college football in a couple days, and we have -- in my humble opinion -- dropped the ball here at 3SIB.

It's freakin' IRON BOWL week! Alabama accounts for probably 70 percent of our readership, and what have we done? We've lamented/wisecracked the ULM loss and criticized/heralded Nick Saban for his now infamous 9/11-Pearl Harbor comments.

It's obvious on this blogsite that our meal ticket is UT/UA week (God rest it's soul), but on the second-biggest week of the year, where is our principle Tide writer?? Visiting in-laws and out-of-pocket. Thankfully, TideFan has picked up the slack somewhat, but the last time Boomtown wrote anything of any significance was during the Reagan administration.

So, I wanted to give you guys a quick (yeah, right. nothing's quick when I write it) little preview of this weekend, including a touch about that second-rate game down on the Plains.

The way things have shaken out, this is perhaps the most important weekend of the season. And that's despite the Florida-Florida State and Alabama-Auburn games being on the insignificant side. Who'd have thunk it?

Without further adieu, here is this weekend's viewer's guide, and remember, I absolutely suck at picking games, so just pay attention to the free-gift game schedule and probably just ignore my prognostications:

PREMIERE GAME OF THE WEEKEND: No. 2 Kansas vs. No. 3 Missouri, 7 p.m. (all times Central) ABC

If you'd have typed that matchup during the preseason as being one that would determine who represented the Big Twelve North and who could play for the national title, who would have believed you? How much money could you have won in Vegas? Amazing stuff, really.

I'm not going to give any breakdown of these games, because I'm lazy and tired and have been diagnosed with Acute Preholiday Workitis. But I believe the Jayhawks are the real deal. I also believe that Chase Daniel should win the Heisman Trophy, and the Tigers have two of the three best tight ends in the country and a ton of offensive weapons.

This game is going to be crazy and fun as heck to watch. Too bad it's opposite a game that you just have to be interested in if you're from the South. It will probably keep me from doing a live diary on AU-UA ... Unless I do a two-game live diary, oooooh, decisions, decisions.

Ghost's prediction: Mizzou 37-34

No. 11 USC @ No. 7 Arizona State, 7 p.m. Thursday, ESPN

What better way to relax after you've eaten enough to make Mark Mangino blush?

If you like the Colts or the Falcons, you'll still be able to catch the important part of this game after Indy racks up a 20-point halftime advantage. Or just indulge in the split-screen delight, always a fan favorite.

I think a disappointing season for Pete Carroll and the Men of Troy gets a little more tolerable in this one. Let's just hope DL recruit Lawrence Guy isn't going to be in Tempe for a visit. We need that guy in Knoxville.

Ghost's prediction: USC, 28-20

Mississippi @ Mississippi State, 11:30 a.m. Friday, your nearest transistor radio ... maybe, JP? I can't find local listings anywhere. Oh well, who cares?

I threw this one in for laugh's sake.

Call me crazy, but if Ed Orgeron wins, he keeps his job. If he loses, all bets are off. For the 709 fans who care about this game, that's a big deal.

Ghost's prediction: MSU, 30-13

Arkansas @ No. 1 LSU, 1:30 p.m., Friday, CBS

Unless you have a crazy father-in-law who wants you to help him fix a fence on the farm or something, this will be a great kickoff to your day-after-Thanksgiving football-watching fun. LSU hasn't faced a team that can run the football like Arkansas all season.

Funny how everybody in crimson on this site badmouths Tennessee, but the Hogs were right back to dominating Miss State last week after UT shut down Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. You know, the MSU team that beat Bama.

I always like to pick at least one crazy score, and this one's it for me. I may miss this game by 30 points.

Ghost's prediction: I sniff an upset, 27-23 Arkansas

No. 19 Boise State @ No. 15 Hawaii, 8 p.m. Friday, ESPN2

C'mon. Admit it. You think these games are fun, too. I'm definitely on the Chris Peterson bandwagon after the way this season has gone for the Broncos. How in the world can you possibly follow up the most improbable bowl game victory in the history of bowl games? Well, losing just one game so far after losing your glue-guy, senior quarterback Jared Zabransky, is a good encore.

We'll see if Colt Brennan is for real in this one. He's still a little hampered by the injury, but I say this is a shootout. If the Rainbow Warriors win, they could be this year's Boise, heading to a BCS bowl game. Don't think it happens.

Ghost's prediction: Boise, 44-38

No. 8 Virginia Tech @ No. 16 Virginia, 11 a.m. ESPN2

Sean Glennon is an absolute joke, and while I wouldn't mind Bud Foster being the next defensive coordinator at Tennessee, I see this game going to the Cavaliers. How confident am I? Well, I've not seen Virginia play a game this year, and I've seen the Hokies play five. So, take it to the B-A-N-K, baby! (Well, not really).

It's gonna be a lot of defense and a lot of throwing up on yourselves at the lack of offensive fortitude.

Ghost's prediction: UVA 17-16

No. 19 Tennessee @ Kentucky, 12:30 p.m. Saturday, CBS

Simply the only game that matters. Really, I'm not kidding. Just thinking of the game gets my heart racing. I'm so stoked about this game, and I'm scared at the same time.

Win and it's Atlanta for the SECCG and at the very least, the Cotton Bowl. Lose and it's winter in Nashville or Shreveport. Win and it's complete and total overachievement for a team that has been dealt its share of adversity this year. Lose and some of the Big Orange masses will be calling for Phillip Fulmer's head -- or at the very least John Chavis's head -- again.

Win and the season is a success. Lose and it's treading water IF the Vols win the bowl game. Lose, and maybe it's a failure.

The good news is this team has had its backs against the wall since the Bama game and with the perfect combination of gutsy playing when it mattered most and sheer unadulterated luck, they've won all their games since then.

The bad news is Andre Woodson leads perhaps the conference's best stable of offensive weapons going against a secondary that has been suspect at best this season.

UT must control the clock and be turnover-free like it was against Arkansas. If so, it wins the game. It lets UK control the game like Vandy did, it loses. Why do I think the Vols are going to win? Because they win when doubted this year, and everybody doubts them this week.

Ghost's prediction: Vols, 28-24

No. 7 Georgia @ Georgia Tech, 2:30 p.m. ABC

If you're a betting man, take Georgia on this one. My goodness, they're only favored by 3.5 at last look. The Dawgs are absolutely going to obliterate Chan Gailey's "team."

Ghost's prediction: UGA, 30-10 at least

No. 20 Connecticut @ No. 3 West Virginia, 2:30 p.m. ABC

Look, Huskies, it was fun while it lasted. Really, it was. Thanks for briefly taking part in the national picture. We enjoyed it. In all fairness, it was a very, very impressive Welcome-to-Division I-A-season after just a couple years up here. You guys are impressive for a team that's new to the stage. Now, don't let the train hit you on the way out of Morgantown.

Ghost's prediction: WVA, 41-23

Florida State @ No. 12 Florida, 4 p.m. CBS

The Seminoles are a little frisky this week, huh? FSU LB Geno Hayes -- a Ghost man crush who was once committed to the Vols -- said this week that Tim Tebow was "going down." Apparently, he watched the Tony Joiner kiss, too.

Seriously, who is Florida State? What have they done this year? Do they really have any room to trash talk? Meanwhile, there's no doubt in my mind the Gators are the best three-loss team in the country (dang, that feels good to say they have that many losses) but they're already outside of the SEC championship picture.

I think Tim Tebow is exceptional. I don't think he should win the Heisman ... this year, but he's the biggest weapon in the country because even when he's banged up, he simply finds a way. Can't wait for this dude to graduate. After Saturday, Florida State will feel the same way.

Ghost's prediction: Gators, 33-23

No. 21 Clemson @ South Carolina, 6 p.m. ESPN2

After Clemson's disastrous loss to Boston College last weekend, the only way this game's going to get any room on the national stage is if they get into another brawl like they did three years ago.

That was high comedy.

What else is high comedy? Steve Spurrier anointing his Gamecocks as preseason contenders (0-for-1) and then saying that Arkansas should be a three-touchdown favorite against the Vols (um, 0-for-2). He only missed that last one by 42 points and that first one by about four losses.

He's heading for higher waters than Columbia, in my opinion, especially after this weekend.

Ghost's prediction: Tigers, 35-20

Alabama @ Auburn, 7 p.m. ESPN

This game is so, so, so much more fun when it doesn't matter. The toothless masses will be watching with bated breath to see who wins this game, and that's just the Alabama side. At least Auburn fans have teeth.

I keed, I keed.

I live among the Bammers and Aubies, and even though it would probably be a lot easier to deal with if Bama won, you know that's not how I'm wired. I can't want that to happen, and I don't.

I wonder what things are going to be like around here if the Tide loses its fourth straight, sixth in a row to hated Auburn and potentially doesn't make a bowl game. I know, I know it makes me a bad person to want this to happen. But I'm curious to see how long it takes Nick Saban to strangle a Tide beat reporter if the Tide loses, aight? That's what I want to see, aight?

Eh, this is another upset alert in my eyes. I think Bama wins this weekend, giving Saban wins over UT and AU in his first year and giving the Bammer fans that false sense of future hope that they talk about UT always having.

Ghost's prediction: Bama, 24-20

***

Seriously, everybody, this was done in good fun. I hope everybody has a blessed Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful for the readers we have, who don't mind giving their opinions and keep coming back to read us day after day. You guys make this fun.

God bless.

Ghost of Neyland

So, even after Alabama's dismantling of Tennessee a couple weeks ago, the Ghost proceeded with the plans I'd had earlier in the season about catching up with all the SEC coaches at midseason.

Though we're a little past the midway point, this was the only time 3SIB could fly all of the coaches to our super secret hideaway headquarters off Butter and Eggs Road in Lickskillet, Alabama. We got them here last night, and we appreciate all of them being able to take a few minutes out of their valuable time to discuss the season.

We even brought back LSU coach Les Miles after his foul mouth got him booted from our booth at SEC Media Days during the preseason.

This time, we're going to change it up some. The round table format worked early in the season, but we thought it would be best after the plane ride over here and all the fights that broke out if the Ghost sat down with each individual coach and asked him four questions about the season thus far. The first coach on our list alphabetically is, sigh, Nick Saban.

Alabama coach Nick Saban

I'm Nick. I love long walks in the park, baby kittens and murder

Saban: I don't have all day, aight. Got another team to beat, fans to please, a process to continue.

3SIB: Speaking of that process, where do you feel your team is in it?

Saban: Well, Major ain't peein' his pants anymore, aight? So that's good. Called a pretty durn good game two weeks ago against girls. And we told John Parker we'd let him play with the ball of yarn if he threw for 300 yards. That ball of yarn is like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for him, and that's what I'm telling our guys all the time. Metaphorically speaking, our yarn, er, goals at the end of the rainbow will happen if we just keep focusing on the rainbow."

3SIB: What does that even mean? Nevermind. How are you handling all these expectations after the big win against UT?

Saban: Our fans are passionate, and that's a good thing, but they're not at practice every day. They're not sweating, they're not getting their (expletive) chewed off, aight?

"I'd never kiss Phil Fulmer."

I try to tell them we barely beat Houston, and they didn't even play Matt Schaub and DeMeco Ryans. They get all caught up in beating the Vols. Who cares? That's like putting the dang PlayStation3 on retard level, aight? I asked Kevin after the game if Chavis emailed him the formations, and Kevin just shrugged. Said somethin' like, "Did you SEE the shirtless picture of me and Wavy during the broadcast? Did you see his hat? I told him I'd not give Lincoln Financial that picture if he'd give me inside information."

"Dummy."

3SIB: Les Miles and his Tigers are up next for you guys. How are you going to beat a team with that much talent?

Saban: Well, that's a good question. We got two things goin' for us, aight: First of all, Les Miles is coaching them. And, secondly, Les Miles is coaching them. I don't know what their dang problem is down there, anyway. What do they expect from me? I had a chance to leave corndogs and swampland for South Beach, aight?? And now, I'm coaching at a place with more tradition in its big toe than some school with a "loud stadium." Whoop-dee-freakin'-doo. Screw ‘em. I could buy that redneck town.

3SIB: We have time for one more question, Nick: How do you get your hair to stay that way?

Saban: The semen of grizzly bears that I kill with my bare hands in the offseason. Now, I've got a date with black coffee and the film room.

Arkansas coach Houston Nutt

3SIB: So, Coach Nutt, I know it's been a tumultuous season for you. How has it affected you personally.

Nutt: Well, Ghost, I cry a lot. I do. I'm just a big ol' teddy bear. When they fly them banners over the stadium, I just tear up. I never thought I wish they'd nuke my home state, but these guys are relentless. You'd think they'd mattered before.

"Well, Slim, it was this or the trip to Branson."

3SIB: Are you saying that Arkansas has never mattered before? They've got a pretty rich history, right?

Nutt: It's all right, but they have to realize here that every time you have a blue-light special at Wal-Mart doesn't necessarily mean it's going to buy you a recruit. It's hard to sell them on STAYING in Arkansas. Heck, they grew up here.

Erskin thought it'd be nice to bring out the Sunday dress for the Arkansas game

3SIB: How much do you think the whole text message fiasco played into the disgruntlement of the fans?

Nutt: It had a dang whole lot to do with it. People think I could have actually cheated on Diana with her? I ain't Don Juan de Suave. I got all sweaty just punchin' letters on my cellphone.

3SIB: By the rules of the interview, we're down to one question, coach: What will it take for Darren McFadden to stick around for his senior year?

Nutt: A whole lot more than a souped up Crown Vic, I can tell you that. And maybe a quarterback. And a couple million dollar bills.

Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville

3SIB: Let's go ahead and get it out of the way, Tommy, so we can move on to Auburn. What are the chances you go to Texas A&M? Be honest.

Tuberville: That's a place where some coaches go to die, and I've got it pretty darn good down here at Auburn. I haven't even spoken with them, and I hear all that stuff about being the No. 1 choice and all that, but I try not to pay attention to that. I've got it good here.

3SIB: What about the Bammer fans' belief that you don't want to recruit against Nick Saban?

Tuberville: (Laughs heartily) That's rich. Listen, we haven't made a habit of getting too many of the five-star kids ol' Nicky is going after, anyway. We locked down Mobile last year. They're probably gonna get two of the top three down there this year. And it's not going to be my problem next year ... um, I mean, It's cyclical. We're certainly not going to base what we do on Nick."

3SIB: Is that a trickle of pee running down your leg, Tommy? And did I just hear you say it wasn't going to be your problem next year? Why exactly is that?

Tuberville: What are you talking about???

Them boys at Alabama are fearing the other hand. When they beat us, they can start talking about their process.

3SIB: Elegant subject change, but we'll let it slide. It looks like you're sweating a little, Ears, er, Tommy. We won't even discuss the Mississippi State game, but I have to ask you about that ending at LSU. How heartbreaking was that?

Tuberville: Heartbreaking? We were probably two touchdowns worse than those guys. We played our guts out. The only thing "heartbreaking" about it was that Les Miles got lauded for managing the game clock like a blind invalid and gets credit for the best pass of the football season by a mediocre quarterback.

And we're still gonna beat Bama.

Florida coach Urban Meyer

3SIB: So, Urb, I have to ask you: What's this recruiting ploy about screaming out a player's name on their official visit like you did with Will Hill? Then they commit. I don't understand. Is this some homoerotic fraternity initiation?

Meyer: (Staring deeply into my eyes) GHOST OF NEYLAND! GHOST OF NEYLAND! GHOST OF NEYLAND!

3SIB: Ya know, I just don't want to play for Florida anymore than I did.

Meyer: How bout if I flash you my ring?

3SIB: Oh yeah ... That's nice ... Wait a minute? No! Go Big Orange! Go Big Orange! Nearly had me there, Urb. You're a handsome man. Let's move on: Tebow is banged up in general, right?

Meyer: Timmy is fine. He's already laid his hands on himself, and I have faith that he's cured. I believe.

3SIB: Doesn't that kind of conflict on Tebow's spiritual beliefs? Wouldn't he be irritated if he heard you say that?

Meyer: Listen, I know Tebow's a good Christian boy. But I worship at the Throne of Tebow. How many other mortal quarterbacks have you ever seen who can run the ball 30 times a game and be ready next week?

3SIB: Before you get struck by lightning, final question: What's with all this crying after losing? And the players kissing each other? We're a little worried. That's the gayest thing we've ever seen at 3SIB, not that there's anything wrong with that or anything (clearing throat)?

Meyer: (starting to moisten up) Quit picking on me!! What, what's wrong with crying? And you're looking pretty sexy. I like the big boys. ...

3SIB: Leave. Now.

Georgia coach Mark Richt

... But only after the second Saturday of October

3SIB: Mark, good to have you. First of all, you've got to tell us about the celebration last week against Florida.

Richt: It's funny, stomping on the ‘V' at Vanderbilt irritated me, but when I went out there, I sort of unleashed my inner Knowshon Moreno. So, I said, the heck with it. We'll send the whole team to celebrate when we score. Class hasn't been getting me anywhere, anyway.

3SIB: Now, you're ranked No. 10 in the country just weeks after getting pummeled by Tennessee. How do you explain that?

Richt: It's just been that kind of season, I guess. We've been a late bloomer the past few years, so we'll try to keep it going. Guess I've got friends in high places. Cameoing in a Christian movie will do that for ya.

If you haven't seen it, see it. Seriously.

3SIB: I guess so. But you've also got a quarterback who's been to several low places this season. Do you regret making the comment about him having the ability to be the best quarterback you've ever coached?

Richt: He's playing great now, right? This week, anyway. Well, I do believe I've put a lot of pressure on a kid who spends his nights drinking Guinness from a jar and getting raunchy with Mississippi girls beside Knowshon instead of watching film. But the kid's got a cannon. You just don't always know where he's shooting it. And, yes, I'm talking about football.

3SIB: One thing that's inexplicable to me is that Phillip Fulmer has outcoached you in three of the past four years. How does that happen?

Richt: I don't know. Before last weekend, I just thought he'd gotten so old he mistook our red jerseys for crimson, but now I'm not so sure.

3SIB: You've got some difficult decisions coming up, as do some other coaches in this league. What are you going to do about Willie Martinez?

Richt: At least he's legal. (Sighs) Well, given the situation in Atlanta, it looks like Brian Van Gorder is going to be available.

Kentucky coach Rich Brooks

3SIB: You guys were moving right along there, and then a loss to Mississippi State. What happened?

Brooks: I couldn't find my blessed bifocals. I didn't even see the game. If I didn't see it, it doesn't count, right?

3SIB: Anyway, we're frankly flabbergasted here, Rich. I mean, what a turnaround! What do you credit the program 180?

Brooks: Well, I started using these little blue pills, and all of a sudden, me and Mrs ...

3SIB: RICH! RICH! I'm talking about the football season. Why has your TEAM been so good this year?

New meaning to the words, "Big Blue."

Brooks: Well, I just think we got a lot of confidence during that Louisville game, and then those goshdang whippersnappers just started playin' some good football. After that, we started eating Tapioca pudding for the pregame meal, and now they're all playing shuffleboard and doing the Polka. We're just closer as a football team.

Now, Rich, don't make that face at Sly!

3SIB: Sounds interesting. Well, so much has been made about Randy Sanders' tutelage of Andre Woodson. What's the deal with Sanders?

Brooks: We've done a pretty good job of hooking up with Tennessee's sloppy seconds and proving they've still got a little gas in the tank. Mitch Barnhart has done a fine job as athletic director - he hired me, didn't he? And Randy has simply been fantastic. As long as he's not calling plays, we'll keep him. Heck, we've got a guy named Joker calling plays over him, if that gives you any ideas about his abilities.

3SIB: You've lost 23 consecutive games to Tennessee, your biggest in-conference rival, but you've got to feel pretty good about this year, right?

Brooks: The only thing I feel good about is getting into bed by 8 right after Murder She Wrote and Matlock. But I think if UT can make Alabama's offense look like the Patriots, we'll be OK.

LSU coach Les Miles

3SIB: Ah, Coach Miles. After last time, we just hope you can keep your language clean. Think you can do that?

Miles: (Expletive) A, right, I can. Oops! Sorry.

The 20th Century had Einstein

3SIB: That's the only slip you get, Les. Well, much has been made of your ballsy decisions this year. Have you ever thought about playing more conservatively with the game on the line?

Miles: Not at all. When you've got the athletes I do, ones who are superior to nearly everybody that you play, you have to let them win football games.

3SIB: Wow. That's actually an intelligent answer.

Miles: Contrary to popular belief, Ghost, I actually graduated from a prestigious online university, which puts me on the same education level as most of my players. Plus, I do what the voices under my hat tell me to do.

3SIB: Don't those voices come from the headset you have on?

Miles: Holy crap! I was wondering what that thing did! But no, it can't be that. It doesn't have any cords attached to it.

3SIB: (Exasperated) One more question, coach: Probably the biggest game of the season is coming up for your fans as you take on Nick Saban and the Crimson Tide. What are your feelings heading into the game?

Oh, it's coming!

Miles: If we get behind, we'll just get Ryan Perrilloux to invite his buddies, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.

Mississippi coach Ed Orgeron

3SIB: (Sighing deeply) Coach O, we've enjoyed these past three years, and we here at 3SIB have really liked getting to know you, but do you not feel you're on thin ice?

Orgeron: Well, aw, done know bow dat, um dere a lotta season leff, ya know? Lotta footbaw be played and dee um recruit down and um, boobies in Grove an' um me an afletic direckter know footbaw ver impawtant.

This is where Eddie is sitting every day

3SIB: Whoa, whoa. Speak slowly, Coach O, we can't understand you. Can you talk about the monumental disaster that is Brent Schaeffer?

Orgeron: Speek sloh. Well. Dat. Shaeffah dum move. Fast grease lightnin. Thought. Yaw. Yaw. Yaw. Done know wad to say. Bad move.

3SIB: JEEZ!! Next question. Let's try something easy. What's 2 plus 2??

Orgeron: Um, footbaw??

Unfortunately for Ole Miss fans, P Willie is not walking through that door.

3SIB: For cryin' out loud, how many points are you awarded for a touchdown?

Orgeron: Dat easy! Jevaw Sneedah!!

3SIB: Thankfully, our time has grown short with you coach, much like your time as a coach.

The Great Hope

Mississippi State coach Sylvester Croom

3SIB: Coach Croom, you're really beginning to see some wins mounting after beating Auburn and Kentucky this year and Bama last year. Is it finally getting rewarding to you?

Croom: We're definitely seein' the fruits of our labors, but it's hard to say it's "rewardin'" when you live in Starkville.

3SIB: Wesley Carroll has been great for you guys this year. Did you ever see him factoring into the offense as much as he has this year?

Croom: Naw, man. Naw. You seen that kid? He looks like a skateboardin' soccer player. We an odd couple, for sure. Look like Ebony and Ivory bringin' MSU from the scrap pile to the adult table.

3SIB: What's the key to beating Kentucky, Sly?

Croom: Roll a basketball to the 50. They just a bunch of Tayshaun wannabes.

3SIB: What have you done to get the attention of your guys? They just seem to be getting better all year.

Croom: Well, I ain't cuttin' the swingers off a bull like Coach Sherrill used to do if that's what you're asking. Just tell ‘em to keep their noses clean and keep em away from the girls during the week, which ain't too hard. You seen the Starkville girls, right?

South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier

3SIB: Well, Steve, same question as with Richt: What do you have to say about Fulmer beating you three out of four times?

Spurrier: (smirking) Well, when ol' Philly beats ya like ‘at, it may be gettin' time to git out.

3SIB: It's all over the message boards that Chris Smelley told you during the first half of the UT game that he was nervous and wanted out. Is this true?

Spurrier: Yeah, ol' Chrissy got skeered, even peed a little. Hard to believe with that relentless Vol pass rush (rolling his eyes). Guess he just didn't feel like shootin' fish in a barrel against that secondary.

3SIB: What do you make of this SEC season so far?

Spurrier: It's just crazy. Two of the biggest idiot coaches in the country are in the driver's seat to git to Atlanta. And I lost to both of ‘em. It's enough to make ye wanna go down to Augusta National and forgit ‘bout coachin' altogether.

Heaven

3SIB: If there's one thing SC always seems to have, it's a terrific secondary, and you have that again this season. How much easier does that make calling plays on defense?

Spurrier: What's defense? Can I be honest with ye? I got two quarterbacks that play like they're in a midget basketball league. I'm in offense hell.

Tennessee coach Phillip Fulmer

Thank goodness for Weis and Mangino

3SIB: Ah, coach Fulmer, the Dean of Mediocrity. We meet again. So, let's first talk about that timeout you used to "ice" Ryan Succop during Saturday's miracle win against SC.

Fulmer: Obviously, we were working like heck to get him to miss the dang thing. I just really didn't have any confidence in our offense to tell you the truth. And I needed to order a milkshake.

3SIB: There have been a lot of rumors about your possible exit at the end of this season. Do you feel any pressure from UT fans?

Fulmer: When your best friend is your university's biggest booster, you sleep a little easier, I'll tell you that. But I figure if we keep on winning nine games every year, then we'll be OK.

Is that Thunder I hear?

3SIB: But isn't that mediocrity, coach?

Fulmer: I'll have to watch the film.

3SIB: Uh, that doesn't even make sense. Can't you just answer our questions? Nevermind. You guys controlled your own destiny going into the Bama game and laid a huge egg. Could you not motivate your guys to perform in the biggest game with the biggest stakes this season?

Fulmer: Steaks??!! Where? Oh, you said stakes. I gotcha. Well, we've had five defensive backs lost to either injury, academics or disciplinary issues in the past year and a half, so we just are what we are back there. We're working like heck to get better. That, and John Chavis couldn't coach his way out of a wet paper sack.

3SIB: We here at the blogsite, like everybody in the country, have noticed that you use the phrase, "Work like heck," more than is healthy for one human being. Why has that become your new it phrase?

Fulmer: Obviously, I'm working like heck to quit saying that.

3SIB: (sigh)

Vanderbilt coach Bobby Johnson

Just a wild and cuh-razy guy

3SIB: Congratulations on a strong season so far, coach. I know that it was Earl Bennett's quote at media days that it wasn't just Vandy's goal to make a bowl game, but a BCS bowl game. Does that make this season a disappointment or a success?

Johnson: Well, we had to remind Earl where he was. At Vanderbilt, a "bowl" is something a surgeon puts a heart into during a transplant. We're just happy to have a chance to get bowl-eligible.

3SIB: Has anybody ever told you that you look like Steve Martin?

Johnson: Funny, I've never heard that before.

3SIB: I sense the sarcasm. Well, I mean, you're Vanderbilt's coach. I'm struggling to find questions to ask you. I only have a GED, you know. You've already surprised South Carolina this season. What do you think the chances are that you beat Tennessee or Florida?

Johnson: I made a bet with the guys that if they beat one of those teams, I'd say a curse word. As many wind sprints as I make the guys run for cussing, I told them I'd go all Dice-Clay on them if we won.

3SIB: What would it mean for the Vanderbilt program to play in the SEC Championship Game?

Johnson: A lot of things still have to happen for that to happen, but it's not out of the realm of possibility. I think if that happened, I'd call all of my loved ones and tell them how much they mean to me because at that point, I believe it can't be long until Gabriel puts his lips on the trumpet.

Ghost of Neyland

"I LOVE THIS GUY! " doubledawgs after UGA's 42-30 win.

MO MASS finally gets his groove on for UGA!

AH, It's fun to celebrate again.

"I still get chills when I see the picture above" doubledawgs...

           WOW, Can I say it again? YES I CAN--WOW!!! Mark Richt cooked up some crow for me to eat over the weekend and boy does it taste good.

This is a cool link from AJC, DAWG fans you must check it out!

http://projects.ajc.com/gallery/view/sports/uga/ugabeatsfla/

            Over the past several weeks, I've been in the dumps about where the UGA football program is heading, no need to be down anymore. Mark Richt is the right man for the job and Willie Martinez cooked up some Gator stew with his blitz packages.

 Tebow- "I want my mommy"

           Georgia's defense harassed Tebow all day, wait, what time is it? Yep, Tebow just got sacked again!

            Knowshon Moreno showed the nation that is the best freshman back in the SEC and with a few more games like Saturday, people are going to be saying,  McFadden who?

33 carries, 188 yards and 3 TDs deserves a DOUBLE TAKE! 

           The touchdown celebration was a great idea and it really set the stage for the Dawgs, What was Urban Meyer's response-"Well, first thing, it is illegal," Meyer said. "Basically, we were being called out." What a cry baby!!!

           Anyhow, I could go on about the W but I'll close with this question to both Mark Richt and Georgia---will you please forgive me for ever doubting you? Yes, you were dull and boring for a few weeks but i should learn to have patience with youth. Well, I have learned my lesson and I'm on board for as long as I'm 6 feet above dirt.

GO DAWGS!!!!!!

doubledawgs

doubledawgs would like to thank ajc.com and onlineathens.com for the video and pics.

I was going to put in a Tennessee highlight, but every time I put in "Tennessee Football" on Youtube all that came up was Asian foot-porn.

Do Not Watch the Following Games

Utah @ Louisville (Friday 7pm Central ESPN)

High school football folks. Check it out. It is Friday night, after all, and as long as your area of the country contains more than fast food fed white folks, you should be able to see quite a bit of athleticism at your average HS game. Kids are bigger, stronger, and faster these days. They deserve your support. Besides, Louisville is overrated and we can't name one single player on the Ute's roster. Might as well watch some future Div. 1 terror light up a 135 lb. freshman.....ohhhhhhhhhh yeah.

Minn @ Indiana (11:oo am central Big Ten Network), Northwestern @ MSU (11:00 am central Big Ten Network), Eastern Michigan @ Michigan (11:00 am central Big Ten Network)

 How about this..........avoid the Big Ten Network altogether. Since ESPN and ABC have hoped into bed with that horrid conference any Big Ten game that even 1 person cares about will end up on national TV. The games this weekend that 1 person (allegedly) cares about? Iowa @ PSU and OSU @ Purdue. Pardon me while I gouge my eyes out.

Excues the rant, for a minute, but the Big Ten is a joke and putting games like that on the national TV is further proof. It's a conference with maybe 2 decent teams and way to many white people. (There, I said it.) Listen, I love white people, so nothing against them at all, but I could call 10 of my closest buddies and put the same amount of athleticism on the field as Northwestern or Indiana. If you want to see what real football looks like (those of you north of the Mason-Dixon line) tune into UGA @ UT or UF @ LSU.

Central Michigan @ Ball State (11:00 am central ESPN plus.........is the even a real channel??!?!)

If you do have ESPN plus and you know where it's at on your cable or satellite system then you might want to have a look outside. It's nice out there..........promise. Kind of cool this time of year, always a nice breeze blowing. Maybe you could call some friends? Toss the football around? Dig a hole to China? Run into traffic with scissors after a full meal? Talk to your wife?

Cincy @ Rutgers (7 pm central ESPN 2)

 Ah. The battle of two teams who shouldn't be ranked. I love those matchups. Either one of those teams would consider it a monumental win to beat my beloved Crimson Tide who is the 6th best team in the SEC at the best you can do. I wish they would make teams from the CUSA and Big East (Outside of USF and WVU) ineligible for the AP poll. I am not even sure Cincy could win the 1 AA tournament.

Boomtown Madman

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