• Teddy:  A one piece lingerie garment that is typically made to show off a woman’s figure.  These can be looser or tighter fitting and made from a variety of different materials.
• Corset:  Woman’s lingerie that is typically close fitting and figure supporting.  Typically a corset will have boning and lacing.  Hook & eye type closures are common as well.
• Bustier:  This is typically a tightly fitting top.  It can be worn as lingerie or as a fashionable top depending on the style.  Some are shorter and resemble bras while others fit from the bust to the hips.
• Garters: Straps, typically elastic, that hang from a garterbelt, teddy, corset, or other type of lingerie meant to hold up stockings.
• Garter Belt: A piece of lingerie that fits like a belt around the waist to hold the garters.
• G-String:  This is a type of panty that has a string for the back.
• Thong:  This is a type of panty that has a thicker piece of material in the back than a g-string, but that still has an open back. 
• Babydoll:  This is usually a short night gown with cups and a loose fitting, flouncy skirt. 

Eric also told me this joke:

"I broke my G string while I was fingering A minor."

....O__O. Never heard that one before, either.

[audio=http://www.fileden.com/files/2008/4/24/1881090/ritchie%20why%20thong.mp3]

Bull$it baffles brains and I’m happy to say the recruiter gave me a big shinny thumbs up and I was all set to meet my prospective employers.

On the morning of “the interview” I was super prepared, resume in hand, wearing my very best corporate costume. Pressed and cleaned and ready to impress. One last look in the mirror and I realized that I had visible panty lines. Not a problem. All I needed was to dawn a slinky pair of g-string panties.

I am actually not a big fan of the g-string panty. Never have been. For God’s sake any women who tells me that it is actually comfy to have a one centimeter strap of fabric riding up their butt is a liar.

I will concede that the human body has amazing adaptive abilities. We routinely turn a blind eye to bad sex, annoying neighbors, uncomfortable shoes and the small aches and pains within our own bodies. So why not suck up (literally) the thong panty?

Is There Anything Worse Than Visible Panty Lines?

When the outfit demands a clean line all a decent woman can do is slip on that thong, grin and bear it. However when that same decent woman has neglected her washing we are now in a preverbal pickle. All my butt-floss was in the laundry!

What would you do? I come from a very nice family and the thought of being in some sort of car crash, taken away to the hospital and being on an operating table only to have Dr. McDreamy find out that I am not wearing clean underwear is absolutely unacceptable. So I stuck with the big and ugly granny panties, drove across town, stood in a parking lot and promptly removed those sexless atrocities. Feeling rather naughty I slipped them neatly into my purse.

Yes. I actually went to a job interview “commando”. Let me tell you... It was entirely freeing! Where I might have been overly conscious of the words I was saying, the impression I was giving and they way I carried my body all I could do was l think about my dirty little secret.

With a smug little smile on my face I sat in front of a panel of four men, answered all of their questions in a polite and professional manner. All the while squirming in my seat.

For God’s sake I Love having a dirty little secret.

Rant: When did Threadless.com become so high-end? My first purchases from them were made at $10/shirt. Now they're touting $25 sales. Good for them, but bad for those of us likely to blow $50 on five shirts a year or $0 on a potential two shirts. Damn hipsters.

Anxiety: Flatmate. Heard through the reputable side of the grapevine that he may have done some physically invasive things to at least one female while drunk, while having a girlfriend of his own. No good. May be considering locks on main and bathroom doors, just in case. I trust him not to be creepy while sober, which is 90% of the time, and I feel fairly safe as Drummer has been over (or I at his apartment) most nights of the week. He has been a solid flatmate so far and has shown no signs of ever disrespecting my space. There is also a chance that the flatmate has been confused with his former flatmate, who really was an alcoholic skeeze. I am hoping this is the case, and am gathering information to confirm that more reassuring hypothesis.

This one is true though. While waiting in the airport, I saw a couple enter the waiting area. The woman was blind. She had a guitar and a walking cane. As they got closer, I saw that the man was deaf, or at least nearly so. He had a big hearing aid device, and whenever the woman talked to him she had to lean way in and speak directly in his ear.

They happened to be on the same bus as me. She asked if she could tune her guitar on the bus, and I was like hell yeah, gives us something to listen to. So she tuned her guitar and quietly practiced while the man read a book. When they both got bored of indulging in their respective senses, she leaned over and asked him to describe the countryside. He whispered about things that are mundane to most people - trees, farms, cows - in her ear.

It was just cute how they complimented each other's shortcomings like that.

This story isn't funny or anything. Oh wait, one thing that was funny was when she went too far in tuning her guitar, and immediately exclaimed "I popped my g string!" Hah.

What fun that was. First I had to find a friend who was willing to host a party, then get her to invite a load of our friends (people I knew and others I didn't). I didn't want too many people so we settled on inviting 12, and hoping for a show of about 10.

Then we sat down to decide on what stock to take to the party. I decided to take quite a few of the vibrators, some sexy underwear (corsets, babydolls, etc), some fun accessories, novelty items, vibrators of course and some aphrodisiacs.

Next on the list was to brief my host and confirm how many guest we were expecting, then to go out and make sure we had enough wine to get people relaxed and in the mood for some fun.

Noon the afternoon of the party found me frantically trying to get all my 'stuff' together and then quickly think about what I was planning to say about each product - just so we wouldn't have any awkward silences - you know what I mean?

Well we got our 10 guest and after greeting everyone, making sure they all had a large glass of wine I started pulling all my 'bits' out of the bag. I quickly ran through the features of each item, showed everyone what it did, how it worked, and then passed it around the group so that they could test it out for themselves - well not really - lol.

I started off with the edible undies. I opened the packet and passed them to everyone so they could check them out - texture, taste, etc Oh my! The comments ... can you just imagine? I won't go into details here, but let your imagination wander. The one of the young ladies got the undies and next minute she was wearing it on her head and doing an impromptu dance in the middle of the floor - maybe she isn't used to drinking? lol

Ok, on to the vibrators. I had brought a few different ones for the ladies to 'play' with.

• Extravaganza Blue Vibrator
• Toy Joy Mini Marvelous Dolphin Vibe
• Eclipse Twin Turbine

Boy did we have fun with these, all the different speeds and gyrations going on. The girls went to town on these babies. Of course it was very hard for me to decide which ones to bring with me - there are just SO many.

Now, on to the Dildo's. Again, so many to choose from so I decided on 1 glass one with pretty designs and a fleshy one. I'm sure you can imagine the comments this one inspired. Let your imagination go wild and I'll lay odds you aren't even close! This Big Bad Boy is 7" around at the head and 7 1/2" at the base --- hmmm, what I could get up to with that!

Ok, time to calm everyone down with a few games. I have a selection, but only brought a few with me. My favorites are the 'Beginners Strip Tease Kit' and 'Dirty Minds'. I don't want to go on forever here, so suffice to say we had an awesome and very funny time leaving through the questions from the Dirty Minds game. It certainly did set out the saintly from the lecherous amongst us.

Next came a couple of Penis Ring Vibrators, 1 or 2 bondage items - Nipple clamps and some examples of Restraints. The some lingerie just to round the evening off - a few corsets, couple of sexy babydoll items and some thongs - male and female!

What a fun evening. I handed the order forms around after the lingerie had done the rounds, had a few more glasses of wine and then collected the forms.

Hmmm, I didn't want to get too involved in doing parties - it is far too time consuming ... this this was really a lot of fun. Maybe I could be persuaded to do another one.

Have fun.

I just noticed something funny about Megatron.
In the recent hit movie “Transformers” there is a scene where Megatron says to Disney-uber star Shia LeBouff, “Run boy!”. I had issues with this. I think he should have said, “Run fleshy man-thing!” or he should have screeched in Deceptagarble, truly making those around him quake in fear.
Either way, I haven’t been writing much lately. This makes sense to me. For the last seven weeks I have been going non-stop. Trip to France, Berlin, and now the ultimate destination: New York.
As a writer, there are the inevitable conflicts which arise in these situations.
Do I (a) go out every night in the city that never sleeps, chasing tall, blonde women for pure sport? Or do I (b) get inundated in the daytime park scene that usually leads to meeting tall, blonde women? Or do I (c) become a true New York ‘artist’, and make a splash on the underground scene in such a way that it will eventually attract droves of tall, blonde women? As you can see, in New York, there is no escape from the TBW’s!

So far, that’s my main observation. There is tall EVERYBODY here. Tall Asian women, tall blonde women seemingly from the highlands of some Eastern-European formerly-soviet-something country, tall guys, tall buildings, tall cups of coffee. It is all here.
I like the buzz—that feeling of never sleeping and existing in a twilight state. I felt this way last night. My last memories are of talking to my cousin late at night about purpose in life, while trying to decide if I should go out or not as hot brunettes kept walking past. (they were Oh-Soooooo fashionable). But, when I woke up this morning, I felt like I was in a different place. I half expected a little garden gnome to be sitting on my bed, and then a voice from that other place would be like, “Let’s go Buddy.”

I’d say, “Wait, where are we going? I need to go to work.” The gnome would be like. “Fuck work, let’s partaaaay!”. Then the gnome and I would head to numerous strip clubs, go on a shopping spree, buy his and his g-strings for our debut at the “oldies night” in a shady part of the East Village and then end up on a boat to China, singing praises to the two Ukranian women who decided to tag along(they don’t’ speak any English of course) and I would play guitar all the way to….

Beijing, where angry protestors would think I was somehow connected to the torch runners and eviscerate me in some Chinese back alley and then issue an apology the next day because they thought my guitar was a torch…. Or a harp. I think harps are banned in China too.

I’m ranting. On purpose.

.
I’m still reeling from the fallout of a “sort of “ heartbreak-but-not-really situation. My creative insides are spinning all around as I think of relationships of the past and I look towards the future. New York may have millions of nubile women, (and those who really like messing around in public places) but sometimes, standing betwixt people on the train to work, or just walking through a massive crowd on a Friday at Union Square, I float away and then it’s just me… and her.

Who is she?

Maybe she’s that person I’ve always wanted. Or maybe it’s a version of myself that’s a woman, I dunno. But there she is, standing there, tall and regal, smiling at me. Her eyes tell me that she loves me, and her body responds with touches, kisses and dirty feels. She is mine and I am hers. Then the image ripples and fades, and the real world returns. I’m standing in the middle of a crowd that I don’t’ know. Faces of all hues and compositions walk past, and there, I am truly alone.
That’s when the Gnome appears again, and we raid a Borders book store and argue with women wearing tattoos about the “destruction of the female temple” or some junk.
At this point the gnome would say, “Let’s hit up a strip club.” Then I’d say “No, we have to end this relationship. Its not healthy.” The gnome would then say, “Wow. I really thought we had something here. All those moments shopping, stripping and us in the g-strings getting grabbed by those senile old women who think we were theie boyfriends from the 1930’s. Those moments meant something to me.”
The gnome would want to cry but he couldn’t, simply because he’s a figment of my imagination. I’d go back to reading my books about global warming and start worrying about having a family that will eventually burn—not in God’s hellfire—but man’s sunfire.

.
Then I wake up, and my rant is blissfully over. I go to the kitchen and make tasteless eggs and eat them with equally tasteless bread. I look to the sky when I walk outside and say, “today, will be a good day.”

Then I stub my toe on a hydrant and shout. “ Ooooohhh fuckkk!!!”

.
Happy Camping.

It must be a slow news day. 

The Today Show not only reported about a couple who found 60,000 bees in the walls of their house (would this not be rather loud?), but they covered this story as well. All during the 7AM hour. Is NOTHING important going on in the world today? Having started my career designing bra and underwear tags (don't ask), this one caught my attention.

52 Year-Old Woman Sues Victoria's Secret Over Defective Thong

… Apparently 52 year-old Macrida Patterson, a traffic officer with Los Angeles' Department of Transportation, was simply slipping on her "low-rise V-String" from Victoria's Secret's "Sexy Little Thing" line when a decorative metallic piece flew off the undies and struck her in the eye.

THE EYE?!!! Are you kidding me? I was hoping for some really edgy sort of injury. I mean, anyone who has ever worn one of these babies knows that it is not the most natural thing to have a string up your ass all day. (all in the name of not having VPL). I thought perhaps the metal piece heated up and left her branded where the sun don't shine. Or in a floss-like manner the string got stuck and needed to be surgically removed. Gives the term 'getting your underwear in a knot' a whole new meaning. This sounds like a Larry David episode. Perhaps VS will be required to put directions on these items: "wear protective glasses when slipping into this item to avoid risk of eye injury". 

Sorry, I have to go. Need to check out my lingerie drawer and see which item has the potential for making me a quick 25 grand.

: : : : : : : : : : :

If she wins, then I will follow with a series of lawsuits against the lingerie giant as well. First off I am nearsighted now because every time I get a Victoria's Secret magazine, I examine it for weeks on end. Not only does this effect my eyes, but it has been known to chafe my skin as well. And secondly I have a serious neck condition, from visiting the store around christmas time for my wife. When I see women modeling the sexy stuff, I tend to get whiplash, looking back at forth at them.

All Joking aside, a 52 year old beast of a woman has no business wearing a g string in the first place, that in and of itself should be a crime. But secondly if you require instructions on how to use one, you shouldn't be shopping for one in the first place. Stick with the Granny panties Macrida Patterson, you are a perfect example of EPIC FAIL.

A side note to Victoria's Secret. If you need a G string specialist to come in and run tests on models for you please contact me!

Woman Sues Victoria's Secret Because Of Thong Injury [Victorias Secret]: "

Macrida Patterson, age 52, is suing Victoria's Secret, claiming that because of a design problem, a decorative metallic piece affixed to her thong became airborne and struck her in the eye as she was attempting to put on the garment, according to The Smoking Gun. The thong is called a 'low-rise v-string' from their 'Sexy Little Thing' line (pictured left). The injury has supposedly caused damage to her cornea, causing her to miss work and 'will be affecting her the rest of her life.' Details, inside...

The article says,

Patterson's lawyer, Jason Buccat, told TSG that a 'design problem' caused the decorative piece to come loose and strike Patterson in the eye, causing damage to her cornea. He added that the eye injury, which caused Patterson to miss a few days of work, will be 'affecting her the rest of her life.' Patterson is a traffic officer with L.A.'s Department of Transportation. Prior to the lawsuit's filing, Victoria's Secret officials asked to examine the garment and the decorative piece, but that request was rejected by Patterson's counsel. For those unfamiliar with 'v-strings,' the undergarment is the Victoria's Secret variant on the 'g-string,' which has long been favored in the battle against visible panty lines.

We hope that in the future Victoria's Secret offers some sexy OSHA-approved safety glasses to go with their projectile underwear.

Dinged By A G-String? [The Smoking Gun]

(Via Consumerist.)

from: SummitFashions

Binding: Apparel
Brand: SummitFashions
Department: womens
EAN: 0828947297457
Label: SummitFashions
Manufacturer: SummitFashions
MPN: G1P74340
Publisher: SummitFashions
Size: misses
Studio: SummitFashions

Features:

• Adjustable tie behind the neck
• Back closure on bra
• Elastic waistband thong
• 90% Nylon 10% Spandex.

Exotic 2 Piece Set. White faux double strand pearl trim open cup bra top. Four pearl strand g-string panty with gold ring detail.

]]> http://midnightramblin.wordpress.com/?p=51 Wed, 18 Jun 2008 07:13:47 +0000 mclassen http://midnightramblin.wordpress.com/?p=51  WOMAN PLANS TO GO TOPLESS IN JULY 4TH PARADE

I love patriotism. A woman in Ashland Oregon plans to join their Fourth of July parade topless. If she's not allowed she intends to sue the city. Yes she plans to have more than her Red, White and Blue showing this year. With some early fireworks she's creating a preholiday controversy. Jen Moss has been known as "The Naked Lady" since she moved to Ashland in May from Ojai, Calif. She was drawn by the town's nudity laws. They specify only that people must cover their genitalia in a city park or the downtown commercial district, which means Moss need not cover her breasts. I bet that's one loophole they're going to regret. The Ashland Chamber of Commerce learned of her coverage plans from an online posting. Ya gotta love the internet. She promised to lead in-line skaters "wearing only a hemp G-string and blowing a conch shell." That presents an intriquing image. "We don't feel that someone in the parade who is topless or nearly naked is appropriate for a family audience," said parade chairman James Kidd. "She's welcome on any other day of the year to do that," he said. "But not on the Fourth of July while in the parade." Moss told the Ashland Daily Tidings in an e-mail that if she can't be nearly naked in the parade, she would "run around near naked protesting their unconstitutionalism and un-Americanism." And she said, she would ask the American Civil Liberties Union for help in a lawsuit. Good luck with all that. Apparently this woman didn't get enough attention at home and is now seeking it elsewhere. Well, cover the kids eyes and hope for the best. And, maybe you need to rethink that ordinance.

DON'T MESS WITH THE LEMONADE STAND

There's nothing like the smell of lemonade in the morning. A group of kids inTerra Haute, Indiana were running a lemonade stand when Steve Tryon showed up. "The guy came up and was, like, 'Give me your money,'" said Dominique Morefield, who was running the lemonade stand with a group of friends. "I was shocked. It was just my immediate reaction to chase after him." And Chase after him she did. This is one little girl you do not want to mess with. She actually followed him into a house and then called the cops. Officers eventually persuaded Tryon, 18, to come outside after 45 minutes and arrested him on a preliminary felony charge of robbery of $17.50. "I didn't think anyone would come up to a lemonade stand and steal, that's really low," 12-year-old Fred Erstine said. Well Fred, the world is full of all kinds of morons. The kids say they will continue to sell lemonade, but now they are using a parent for a security guard. Don't mes with the lemonade kids, they'll bust your butt.

CELIBATE MONK SETS UP SEX ADVICE SITE

I'm not sure how well this will work, but a celibate monk has set up a website giving sex advice to Catholic couples. Go figure. Father Ksawery Knotz's lover's guide on www.szansaspotkania.net gives graphic lovemaking tips and has been dubbed the "Catholic Kama Sutra." It compares having an orgasm to going to heaven and recommends that men "take care that women experience pleasure" during sex, adding that this requires "extra efforts on the part of the husband." Really, well there's a brilliant bit of advice. It just seems a little dumb to me to be taking sex advice from someone who suppossedly has never had it. It just goes to show that anyone can be an expert on anything on the internet these days. 

ESCAPED CROOK ASKS POLICE TO REMOVE HANDCUFFS

Here's a bright move. A man and his three friends break into a supermarket and are caught by the security guard. One of them is caught and handcuffed to a rail while the guard goes after the other three. The man then escapes. Everything would have been fine if would have left it there, but no, what does he do? He goes to the local precinct house and asks the police to remove the cuffs. "It was stupid of him," said a police spokesman in Frankfurt, Germany on Monday. "They took the cuffs off, but they kept him." The security guard had called the local police so they were aware of the escaped burglar. The cuffed man tried to convince police that a friend had put the cuffs on as a joke and now they couldn't get them off. The police removed the handcuffs and then reunited him with his friends. Somtimes, you just have to wonder what goes through peoples' heads. Near as I can tell, absolutely nothing.

VOTING REPUBLICAN 

I realise it’s often described as being the beautiful game.

But for the majority of male spectators this must have been wonderful, even heavenly sport.

A dozen young girls battled to score in a thrilling end to end game of football. There was no question that being ‘fit’ was a perquisite for team selection as near naked girls chased around after a single ball.

The girls in the six-a-side teams wore nothing but thongs, with the national colours painted on to their bare skin revealing very intimate areas of their bodies something their male counterparts never seem to for our benefit.

Yet did anyone really care about the result played on Sunday June 15 in Vienna? Well Doris Fastenmeir, a 29-year-old bank employee certainly seemed to.

She told Reuters: “We played pretty hard; we even had some injuries, like I for example broke my toe nail”

I love the way we ladies pamper to delights of the male gaze, to the extent we’ll use our bodies to entertain men in the most fascinating of ways. If anyone interested in the score, Germany lost 10 -5. At tlest they scored in both ends!!

You can read more here http://uk.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUKL1500000420080615?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0&sp=true