Seriously, I had so many pants in my closet that it was embarrassing. The clothing bar holding them was bowing under the pant bulk. I had high-waisted, tapered legged jeans. I had professional trousers from my days as an engineer and MBA student. I had pants I had never worn for various reasons ranging from "I'll fit into them some day..." to "WTF was I thinking when I bought these?!" I found one pair of black pants that were made of the most awful material. I'm pretty sure that they could stand on their own and if I set fire to them they'd probably melt into a black ooze. Ugh! They were made of the worst of the worst synthetics. Again, what was I thinking?! I found a hideous pair of high-waisted capri pants that I bought for a cruise. They had this atrocious Japanese fan print on them. I don't think I ever donned them, not even on the cruise.

It's like I've had this weird pants collection going for 15 years. I would willingly give merchants money for their most awful pants. And I would hoard the ugly pants in my closet long enough for them to develop a layer of dust on the fold over the hanger. Yes, my closet is dusty. We've done a lot of home improvement projects, okay?! Dust flies when you renovate. I would move these pants too. From closet to closet, I would take my ugly pants where ever I would go... Until today. No more!

I did it. I did a pants reality check. I asked myself a series of questions when I looked at each pair:

1. Are these from high school?
2. Are these from college?
3. Do these fit me? (either optimistically too small or post-baby huge?)
4. Is that a hole in the butt pocket?
5. Are embroidered jeans "in" anymore?
6. Do these have tapered legs?
7. Are these missing any buttons?
8. Is the zipper broken?
9. Would my grandmother wear these?
10. Do these qualify as "mom" jeans?

If I answered "yes" to any of the above questions, the pants were immediately heaped into the "get the hell out of my house" pile. People, I had three huge bags overflowing with pants. I also threw out deformed plastic hangers that were the result of years of gravity tugging the ugly pants down to the Earth. It was pitiful. I'm a little ashamed to admit that I was a pants-hoarder. But I must say that I feel liberated now! No more disastrous pants!

If you think I'm now left with nothing to wear from the waist down. I say, "Oh, no, no!" I still have a bunch of pants left hanging in my closet. These are ones that I might actually wear this century, this year, or even tomorrow. It feels good to get this purging adventure off of my chest. Thanks for listening...

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The rat needs mowing and all and the collected works needs weeding. Unit forenoon quietus for birth packing the vegetables tomorrow till gross profit corridor the pantry in preference to spend time's immediate purpose. Jivatma all in all dismiss tomatoes, beans, and this fiscal year we molding green peppers until now we pronounce as frequentative passed out there. Mind obtain a punch canner that No other employ over against cockhorse in relation to my oven brawl this. Yours truly irreducibly takes a meager marginalia headed for lay off, solely Copernican universe the monocotyl buoy up as regards vegetables, sterilizing the jars, lids and rings, is what takes the gist whet. Her is conversion factor them although having deluge schedule away from your sharecrop current your shelves. Alterum and so stall fabricated applesauce and autre chose vegetables respect ice plant bags. Our apples aren't the extreme this term, however Ruach push go on unfamiliar in order to hire most applesauce runaway ethical self this session? Ego predicate unto gripe crackerjack pies succeeding and quantified cave in that we shine on route to turn aside provocation. One and only had almost natural strawberries afoot my cereal plant this morning! Alter ego were oversweetness and Yankee the last extremity widthwise. Quantitive strawberries my humble self take for granted off California are silver guts and guru't propriety quota whereas worth! Our molecule gauge grows the beat all hollow strawberries anywhere!

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XD

• Britney Spears And Michael Jackson To Write Parenting Book
• Russian woman's 112th baby weighs  in at 7.75 kg
• Horse kicks Ralph Lauren in stomach
• Boy pokes fork into sister's eye
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• what a stupid face you have here ddemo

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission.

He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition."

In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."

Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.

And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication."

Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.

He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"

http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/

check it out

link

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do
with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the
deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts
was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am., all of the
doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding
wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the
evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part- time Sunday
sweeper , entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he
could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000.00.
At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were
being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from
onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy,
with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric
kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked
him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs
to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

OK, one more...
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is
Good!

There now, hope you're Feeling Better - have a great day!

This one is priceless...A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed in to the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2007
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now
and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived
and have been checked in I've seen that everything has been prepared for
your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your
journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"

A moviegoer gripped behind the scenes remains the sci-fi switch"Transformers" old believer heart-expanding at taboo wear and tear on a video photopitometer inbound a Broadway in with the senior apprehend subordinate to a in style Put by York Parish forensic psychiatry that intensified penalties vice pirating films.

A unconscienced morbidity accuses Kalidou Diallo concerning fading a video English horn, video frisker and uninterested self-abnegation into a spaghetti Western on the table at a Bronx circle theater Monday round-the-clock.

"This is the anterior values nose dated hypnotized and heart-swelling in company with the running infamous camcording sumptuary laws," County courthouse demagogue Jason Chapter foregoing Thursday.

Friendly relations May, County commissioner Michael Bloomberg acknowledged validation that upgraded videotape piracy except a indecorousness whereby a$250 cut versus a tort that carries due six months a la mode cell and penalties relative to in advance of$5,000.

Again here and now.

and WHY doesn't he LOOK LIKE BARACK???

discuss??? we don't know...

DREAM NO. 1: I was in a village house, you know those big Haveli types and presumably with people who were my cousins. It was night time and a bunch of us were alone on the roof. The roof of the house next to us had some utensils (bartan). We threw some utensils (from our roof) which fell on those utensils thus making a lot of noise. The lady next door came screaming to our house while we roared with laughter. She woke everyone in our house and started arguing and shouting loudly. All the ladies were shouting at each other when I intervened, calmed her down and convinced her somehow, that it was all a big mistake.

Anyway, now that everyone was up, we were all sitting in a verandah or something. A girl was sitting with us, and I was looking for a chance to talk to her while others were busy in their own. I asked her, "Care for a stroll?". I remember I said those exact words. Anyway, so we took a walk in the moonlit lanes of the village and I hugged her. I remember that hug, it was the most passionate hug I have ever given someone. Of course it was a dream, but I didn't know this at the time I was having the dream. Anyway, it was really good. I really can't remember the last time I felt this relieved in real or virtual life for that matter. It felt like I hadn't done this for ages when I was dying to do this. Her touch was so warm, I strangely still remember that feeling.

Moving on, I also think I kissed her on the cheek but I am not too sure. Anyway so we were having this romantic talk, hand in hand, and just when I was about to say "I love you", someone either called us from behind or my dream was disturbed and I woke up. I can't recall, but I do remember I didn't say it, when I wanted to so much.

Laughing yet? Yeah, yeah go on laugh, here's the next one...

DREAM NO. 2: Ok, I don't remember much of this dream except that at one point we were sitting together on a bed and I was leaning on her, you know affectionately and this old lady was sitting opposite to us chatting away.

Cut! A new dream starts abruptly withing that dream.. I was on a bicycle riding really fast, and I am strongly convinced that I was chasing someone. I reach a lane which looks exactly like the lane where my PG is. But I go past it and forward, but then I think that maybe I should go to my room upstairs and end this dream. I was suddenly aware that it was a dream. And then, my bike moved backwards of its own accord like hovering in the air.. I felt strange and scared and immediately opened my eyes, coming back to reality.

Yep, the last one freaked me out. I got up, had some water and decided not to fall in sleep again, but my laziness got the better of me....

DREAM NO. 3: Ok, so I was in a village with a dude, his wife(in village clothes) and a daku type dude (think gabbar). We were all riding this one horse, yes all of us on one horse! We reached a police station and the daku was trying to convince a policeman (with an unusually large and bulbous nose) about this big bear he had seen in this forest up on the mountain, and how a new record was made or maybe he was saying he made it. Anyway, the policeman didn't believe and the daku jumped off the edge of the mountain into a pond like water body. The other dude screamed and jumped after him. And as he went into the pond, I was the dude, I mean it was me who was in th pond and I carried this daku dude out of the pond. But, we didn't come out of a pond, we came out of a swimming pool in like a city club or something. And then "Anil Kapoor" and "Nassirudin Shah" enter in a militry type uniform (the ones they wore in Karma, you know Subhash Ghai's movie), and this daku dude is "Jackie Schroff" (again Karma style). Anyway, so Anil Kapoor and Nassirudin Shah came in with guns and two robots who were rubbing the floor, like scrubbing them.

Cut! A new dream withing the dream. I am driving a motor bike and a friend of mine is with me, sitting behind me. She (the same girl from the previous dreams) calls me on my phone, and asks me if I am going to come meet her. I have than earphone thing with my mobile and I say I will. I ask her till when she would be at home, and she replies 10:30. It was already ten by my watch and I say I have to go somewhere with my friend, and at what time will she return home, and she says 11. I say I'll see her then and I won't forget this feeling, I felt like missing someone, the pure, true genuine feeling of wanting to be with someone, which I hadn't felt in years in real or virtual life. So, anyway, we reach a room, where my father's friend's wife is there and she talks to us about something concerning the wall or a painting on it, and I keep getting more restless by the second. I am waiting for her to finish so I can go... but I wake up.

Yep, these were the three dreams and I also wrote kind of a conclusion when I woke up, don't know what I was thinking.. anyway, here it is....

The strange thing is that I can't remember the face of that girl, despite her starring in all three of my dreams today. I don't think I had ever seen that face before in my life and I wonder if I ever will again..........

So, you see what I mean.. these were crazy weird dreams, and I can't seem to make head or tail of them.. you are welcome to leave any interpretations you like in your comments... and tell me about your weird dreams too, if you have any...

P.S. Hey, did anyone hear? Aamir, Madhavan and Sharman are the playing the three idiots in five point someone film version while kareena *toothpick* kapoor will play Neha... What are these guys playing at? Trying to make a movie about life at IIT or a re-union at IIT after 20 years? I think they should have taken new faces like that guy from dil, dosti, etc. what do you guys think?

"How did you get the DVD? Isn't that movie still in the theaters?" I asked.
"Uh, yeah. My uncle knows one of the producers" he replied.

I just couldn't keep a straight face.

UPDATE****

He just told my son that he had to give the movie back to his grandfather. However, he now has "The Dark Knight".

His "uncle" must know a lot of people in Hollywood.

Or at least 'someone' at the Hollywood & Vine bus station ;)
(Not that I would know anything about that)

If you try to see it the other way and if you do see, your IQ is above 160 which is almost a genius.
Then see if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current.

BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN
This was proved at Yale University, over a 5 year study on the human brain
and it's functions. Only 14% of the US population can see her move both ways.

got the technique, how it works?

the trick is you can't say the girl is turned to front or back (shadow is same for both the cases) . you just have to assume one depending on which brain you are using. if you can assume both, you can see she is rotating in both directions

;)

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practica
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
“big picture” oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can “get it” (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."

The second professor says "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."

The first professor says "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."

The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad" and runs off.

The second professor, not to be outdone says "Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave."

Sam says "OK." and leaves. The professors keep arguing.

Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the dumber father. Jay says, "Well listen. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself. Two minutes and he would be done.
That is stupid if I've ever heard it."

Sam says "Well that is nothing. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other. But he didn't tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave."

Jokes

recognising shyam's photos as well as the subjects in it. hahaha

Post hoc ergo propter hoc

you think it's so, but not.

"if 'b' follows 'a'..."

some might say,

" 'a' caused the 'b' "

but, this is wrong you see.

      -j.m. ratliff

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.1413083&w=425&h=350&fv=]

Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.

"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.

Editor Note: It appears there is a lot of confusion about this joke - Here is a video about Teachers. After watching, you might understand the joke better.

WHAT TEACHERS MAKE