Ok. I am still living a life of an under-employed, and all these may change after a 'quick chat' tomorrow with this certain company I've been eyeing on for quite some time. It's all very unconfirmed, so I prefer not to talk about it until I have nailed it. Just wish me luck! : )

Meanwhile, I have kept myself busy with the operations of LRH while Xiang is away! After the LJ to .com facelift, it seems like we are once again settling in our comfort zone. It's both boon and bane.

Good 'cause the shift has proven to a good move - customers are receptive to the system (which I must say, isn't too much of a difference to LJ and it is deliberately so). We are indeed saving more time on mundane stuffs like checking transaction by transaction and replying comment after comment; those were perfect time killers. In addition, customers are still mailing us to chat at times (which I loveee) and that aptly dismissed our concern for the lack of personal touch of .com. Still much work to do to bring the website to perfection, but I think we have laid the foundation right!

Then the bad, 'cause we probably haven't done enough to bring things up the next level along with the facelift. We took baby steps but maybe the slowness is wearing me down of late. I would like to take a huge leap sometimes, get things moving faster, make plans and drive straight up to it. As the old wise saying goes, make a decision and stick to it! Likewise, you set your goals and work for them.

Strange coming from me perhaps. Hardly a believer of "black and white", but rather benefit of a doubt or the so called grey areas. Perhaps you need to see the err of others to better understand yourself and to remind yourself what you do not want to become.

Till then.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and realize that often I don't follow my own advise. When I post my thoughts it is truly from my heart, what I do believe. I write so often of the importance of maintaining a positive attitude and of how that will carry you a long way in improving your life. I believe that, I know it to be true. it is amazing how easy it is for an element of negativity to sneak unnoticed into your life and in fact become a dominant factor. I suppose that is why it is important for each of us to regularly sit down and really take a look at our lives. Look to see what factors or influences have snuck in on us without us even realizing it. It can start off as something so small it doesn't even register to us that it is there. Then again slowly escalating without us even realizing it until suddenly it is there and often still unrecognized but having a significant impact on our lives. Negativity has no place in the lives of anyone, rid yourself of it.

Rid yourself of it, so easy to say, but can so often be so hard to do. I have been sitting here for the past few minutes trying to think of a circumstance in which it is not possible to rid yourself of negativity or negative thoughts. Try as I might, I just can't think any. We can always bring change to our lives. Sometimes that involves a physical change other times that requires a mental change, changing our thinking. Our thoughts create who we are, negative thoughts create a sad and negative person. Positive and happy thoughts create a positive happy person. Which do you want to be? I certainly know which I want to be!!

Having said that I look at my own life as it is today. I have in fact allowed a shadow of negativity to over take my life. I struggle to remain positive but all of that is still somewhat over shadowed by somewhat of a cloud I have allowed to gather over my head. Let's face it this whole dying thing can be a bit of a downer. I think I am as prepared as I can be and am not afraid, at least that is what I keep telling myself. But, really can you ever be totally ready for this.

Every once in a while I need to stop take stock of where I am at in my head and often give it a shake to get myself back on track. Re-enforce the positive and get rid of the negative.

There are always two ways you can look at everything. This is where the serenity prayer fit so perfectly into what I am saying. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

OK, I have a lets just say a gimpy heart, a brain tumor, diabetes and epilepsy. Now that sucks big time as far as I am concerned. All of these conditions fall into the category of things I can't change. I could get mad, jump up and down yelling and screaming about how unfair it all is, I could get depressed. There are really all sorts of negative things I could do. But at the end of the day, nothing will have changed with my conditions. All I will have accomplished is make myself miserable and waste precious time. Every moment on this earth is meant to be precious and enjoyed, never endured. These are things I can't change. Granted I can and do take all of my medications etc.. But all the medications do really is treat the symptoms not the condition itself.

A sweeping statement like "accept the things you can not change" can be tricky at best. It is so easy to accept our lot in life, with a sort of "poor me" attitude, my life is miserable and there is just nothing I can do about it, "poor me". Accepting the unacceptable is just easier than to have to have the courage to make a change. It takes courage to make a big change, to make any change. I say it again life is meant to be lived not endured. Look at your life, all parts of your life. If you are enduring rather than living, it is time for a change. Our time on this earth is limited. Don't wait until you are facing death in the face to bring change into your life. Just think of all the living you will have missed out on. Even one moment wasted is gone forever. Out time is an non renewable resource don't squander it.

I am on a roll and have more to say but am just to tired right now. May try to post more later.

No, really. What I did and didn't do must've worked out right because it's been awhile since I've looked back at my work and go "Now that's not bad". Erm, truth be told, it's been awhile because I don't do much work. Anyhoo, I love me right now. Loads actually. Maybe even more than loving him. *thinks awhile*

YES, DEFINITELY MORE THAN LOVING HIM.

Back to the whole point of this post. (I get really carried away when talking about love. Because Love to me is a huge thing. And attention. WOo i Love attention. Love and attention go together. Like seriously~ *smacks head.. * there I go again. crapping about random stuff.. which I really do most of the time. Because it's really a mask that says "This is really important, but I cannot talk about it to you. More like I have no guts to really tell you how I feel about it so I'm making fun of it." which is not really conducive because it really means I'm not caring about that particular matter. Which I do. A LOT. *smacks head again* I seriously have to stop this.)

DEFINITELY, back to the whole point of this post. I've just been made a Secretary of PCC, (Penang Coordinating Council *i think*) a Catholic student thing that is a huge deal. It's part of SESAMA which consists of the whole of Malaysia, and linked to IMCS which sends a representative to talk to the UN AND THE POPE iN VATICAN! See how huge it is? Funny I never cared about it much, until like.. Now. I know I can handle this. But it's weird that I'm good at handling work stress and I'm terrible at relationship stress. Maybe it's because  I don't care that much about work.

WIth the starting of a new semester, and new powers, comes new responsibilites.

I hope I live up to my own expectations of me.

I do just share my thoughts and feelings of the moment, it is all so easy, just sit and type. I am not sure how to really describe this but it seems as I type the thoughts and feelings, they seem to become even more entrenched or possibly strengthened in my mind. It really is a big help in dealing with some of my issues.

I gain so much by just writing and yet gain even more support through the literally thousands of kind wonderful comments I have received from all over the world. I am such a lucky man. I so thank all that take the time to leave a comment.

It has been said many times that I just do not understand or appreciate the affect my words have on others. Well that is obviously true as I just frankly don't get it. I am certainly no one special, just an ordinary guy sharing his thoughts. I so often question, how can anything I have to say really have any meaning to people I don't even know? Well, as hard as it is to believe that is what seems to be happening at least in some cases. I have received messages telling of the profound affect my words have had on some. Talk about a win/win situation. I can't begin to really explain how much I have personally gained through this whole experience and then to hear my simple writings are have a positive impact on the lives of others, is the icing on the cake.

The comments I receive make me realize the power of simple words, even words from a stranger such as myself. My words seem to be reaching out to people all over the world in I hope a positive manner. I have been fumbling and bumbling with this paragraph for a while trying to find the correct wording. I am not a writer merely a rambler, I start typing and what ever comes, comes. I struggle now as I am trying to actually say something in particular. I feel very humbled and some how unworthy of all the comments coming my way. I am trying to find the words in which it is clear I am not trying to brag or boast of the comments. Hey, I know what is in my heart, so I am just going to write it, this is my journal after all.

First off I am going to copy a comment left for my by Juanita. Now I have no idea who Juanita is or even where she is. She left me this comment which touched my heart very deeply:

"I want to thank you for helping me want to go on living. Your words, on this site, has done more for me than anyone. From your words I have been given hope, encouragement, and love. I had forgotten that there were loving people in the world, but more than anything I had forgotten I was one of them. Thank you for giving me back my life. You will always be one of my hero’s and always in my prayers."

Juanita, you are in my heart, thoughts and prayers. I am so very glad I was able to help you in what ever way it was that I did.

It makes me realize that if I can reach out and touch the lives of others, so can we all. Sharing positive thoughts and feelings can't help but make the world a better place. I have written often of the ripple affect that can result from a single act of kindness or even a simple smile. Words no matter how simple can have such an amazing affect be it good or bad. A few words can bring about change in the lives of others. If we all can stop and realize this, think of the wonderful things that can be done in this world.

I give you another example with a message I today received from my dear blogging friend Venus. OK, Venus is a blogging friend but I do not know her personally only as a friend here via the internet. Here is the message I received for her today:

"Hi again Bill. I can’t find your email address(I am also not very tech savvy) but I wanted to let you know that even though I’m not online much anymore, your blog helped make a profound difference in my life. I wrote about it a couple of days ago in one of my blogs and I just wanted to let you know. http://venus44.wordpress.com/ I hope you are feeling better friend. You are in my prayers."

Well on reading this naturally I just had to pop over to her site and read what she had written. In her post titled "just breathe" Venus writes of how she decided to leave a corporate job that she hated to follow her dream. Cooking is her passion, she left her job, took classes and is now a member of the United States Personal Chef Association and setting up her own business. Way to go Venus, I am so proud of you, good luck with the new business. I wish you were in Winnipeg, I would most certainly be sampling your food, which I am sure is excellent. I know you will do well.

Venus, you were far to kind to me in your post giving me far to much credit. It was your own internal strength and desire that gave you the strength to make the move you did. To follow your dream and seek happiness in this world. You and your new business are in my heart thoughts and prayers.

OK, I admit it I am so flattered by her comments on her post about me that I had to copy them over here.

Come to think of it, I really need to write my online friend Bill a letter of gratitude. He is the most wonderful man who’s blog The Dying Mans Journal really got me thinking. I knew I was killing myself with my corporate job, it was literally making me sick. His posts made me realize that no one is guaranteed a long life and that we should never take it for granted. I started dreaming about what I really wanted and putting my priorities in order. God gave me a passion for cooking and for people so why was I killing myself at a job I hated, managing projects that I didn’t give a flying fig about….all they were doing was working me into an early grave - So thank you dear Bill for your wisdom and inspiration. You are a true earth angel!!!".

I admit comments such as these do make me feel good. One of my purposes in starting this blog was to try and get people to realize life is to short to endure any part of it. If we find we are in fact enduring life a change is required. Be that a physical change such as Venus is making or an internal change to our attitude. Life is to short not to live it to its fullest. God wants all of us to be happy, he provides us with the means to achieve that. We just need to grab on to the opportunity when it comes by. Maybe I am achieving one of my goals in the blog.

I think if I can bring about change in others just through words as it seems I am. So can everyone else, I have no special qualifications to do anything. I challenge any and all that may read this. Please start spreading loving supportive, re-enforcing, encouraging, positive message to all. The ripple effect can be amazing, who know how far your message will teach and spread. Each of us can bring about positive change to this world. Let's do it.

Is it strange how we all seem to get wrapped up in the current issues of our life. It wasn't all that terribly long ago that when I had something such as the flu. I seemed to loose all though of anything else and went totally into the poor me. Granted having the flu is not nice or enjoyable, in fact it just sucks and you feel terrible. But with it we have the consolation of knowing in a day or two we will feel better. I wonder if it would be a further and even possibly a bigger consolation if we stopped to think: "OK, I feel like crap today, but I will be better, likely by tomorrow, there are those out there that feel this way all the time, because of one illness or another." I know this works for me, it doesn't make be necessarily feel physically any better. It does though seem to give me a bit of a mental boost, I suppose. Now I did say a "bit" of a boost, thinking there are those that have it so much worse than I. Yeah, I know when you are in the midst of feeling like this it is hard to feel grateful for anything.

I have a second big post that I hope to have up this afternoon. I am struggling with wording but I will get there.

Tech advice from any of my blogging friends, please. When I first set up my blog, it required an email address. At that time my own email was through hotmail and at that time anyway, this site would not recognize a hotmail address. Maybe that has changed don't know. For the sake of simplicity I used Vi's email address back at the time. I have long since change my own email to a different site. Here on wordpress I have changed every where I can find to show my email. But still if I contact anyone here directly through the blog, it still shows the email as coming from Vi's address. Any ideas or suggestions on how I can change this.

Shhh. Be afraid. Very very. :P

( this is going to be a long long post. So yes, just warning you if you have um a short attention span?)

So yes, all it took was a random call from alexis and I was down right there at Tanjong Pagar from Town. Had such a good time in town with adorable and ashley( as of always innit?). In anycase, as I walked from Tanjong Pagar to Taboo all I felt was this happy high dance-y feeling. Couldn't wait and once I reached Taboo, I said this to them:

"Welcome to my area."

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Sidenote: The bags/compartment girl was hella fine. But we'll talk about this later. Now moving on.

Hello Taboo.

With,

Kenny Kang.

Alexis loo, the blonde woman.

Derick.

Ruby

And Carrie and me. ( Since I don't have a single picture of you, here's the both of us)

Let's talk together with pictures. Where shall we start. Ah yes.

I walked right in and Carrie offered me drinks. I said no maybe not yet and passed it on. So to start off we whored with the camera. What's new you say? 

my heartbeat(heart). 

Ruby the bouncy one.

And then, I think the alcohol was starting to get to them because you can see the colour red slowly forming up on their faces. Especially Alexis.

laughing for reasons we don't really know.

She looks good with her new haircut don't you think? :D

Alexis looks very androgynous. I love it.

Two of my favourite nonsensical people.

And then we decided okay here we go after this picture.

But but, we ( alexis and I ) had a flaming waiting for us before we go to dance. WHAT?! Who else but Carrie Carrie. *shakeshead* What a fiery feeling, really.

And then we were gone. Especially one of us( i wasn't gone, i was high). See i'm nice. heh :D

( i just used the option to upload pictures directly here instead of using my livejournal so yes a whole mix and match of pictures)

We had such a good time. Toilets with stripped thights to getting hit on by a caucasian guy and getting kissed to just sitting by the road and just being there in the moment with everyone. And all those tears. Sometimes, with time, things get better. But sometimes, even time doesn't have a say. But in the end, everything will just work out. Wise words indeed, Miss C. And Alexis, don't tear okay. And Miss C ( your lesbo partner!!!) really loves you. I saw the love and I bet you did too. Ruby you bouncy adorable thing who got puked on by Alexis( tskkk hahaha for the whole world to know!!!!), lovely time with you.

And of course darling Kenny Kang who brought me back to the door/compartment girl (yum) saying that she couldn't locate all three bags even though i gave him three tags and that I had to go because she didn't know which one it was. This is what happened when I got there.

" Hey..um..my bag, is it.."

"Oh yeah, it's right here.."

*she picks up my bag like she's known it's always been there and it belongs to me*

ehhh?

" Of course I'd remember. Here you go."

*she smiles* (!!!!!!!!)

"So how was the night? I haven't seen you here that much."

"Well it was a crazy night. Oh yes not been here that much but more to come soon I hope."

"I sure hope to see you soon."

And she winks.

And so I wink and smile back and left with Kenny to join the others.

Wow or what.

Note: She was gorgeous and hello we had a wonderful conversation. ( of course I left out um some details. :P)

Wonderful morning and night. Well, I have to take you guys on an excursion to Play soon, yes?

"Yah, we actually did a project together before. Daniella's module..."

Erm. Hello. Haha. I mean, what's new? Stop rolling your eyes, you guys! I know you embrace and love me regardless. Heh. Love!

The girl, Meihui, did comfort me by telling me that it was a big group of 10 people. And I did remember clearly what we did for the module and how the ppt looks like - some futuristic TV that allows you to buy products out from and you can even do manicure by sticking your hand in. Nice.

So convocation came and went. To be honest, I wasn't very excited about it at the beginning. I mean, losing the next class of honours because of 0.03 isn't something to celebrate AT ALL. So much so, I didn't check the website for what to expect and simply just turn up.

And when I say simply just turn up, I mean every single word. Because without giving much of a thought, I turned up in a dress when we are really suppose to wear a white shirt beneath the robe so that the collar and the sleeves show. Erm, like how am I supposed to knowwww?

I know, you are rolling your eyes again and telling me it's all on the website. Blah. What's new right? At least I got the black heels part right. Haha.

The good thing was, I wasn't the only bimbo (or so they say) around. I know of at least one person who turned up in dress (and looking fab, Michelle), and saw some really cool people who wore jeans and sneakers beneath the graduation gown. Hello chicness, byebye corporate! Whatever it is, I think we all totally rock the event and it is really a wonderful way to end these good 4 years.

The excitement begins right from the start at the robing room. Everyone is like buzzing around, trying to get the robe right, the mortarboard tight, taking pictures, making calls to random people who are late, screaming names when they arrive. The energy was great and overwhelming! It's really nice to see all your friends and classmates together, perhaps for the last time for some people.

The CNM honours student kicked start the award ceremony and it is strange how you don't have to be taught to know the drills. Handshake, turn to smile to the camera, take the scroll, and step down with grace. It's like the longest walk to presiding officer (I didn't even get his name, hmm) but that walk must have made my parents who are deep in the audience proud.

We were also made to stand and sing to the National Anthem and as the camera was panning through the crowd, my mum was the only one really focused and singing her heart out. There was something comical about that scene and if I was 10 years younger, I will perhaps be embarassed to admit that that was my mother. But all I felt was pure happiness - happy that they are happy about the occasion and happy for me. They are perhaps more happy for me than I was happy for myself, and that was just great.

I couldn't be the Valedictorian who got up stage and got to thank the farmers - parents, teachers and friends - who sow her, the rice grain, to success. I couldn't be the affectionate kid who can look my parents in the face and thank them for what they have given me all these while without getting goose bumps all over.

But I would thank them right here and in my heart, and it is really like how it is depicted in the recent tvc, my parents were too generous givers who sometimes gave beyond their means.

They won't read this but thank you, dad and mum! Two words, but they mean so much.

PS/ Photos in another blog post till I have load them on to the com. I seriously need a card reader and stop living off loaned cameras. Note to self - get camera repaired today! Till then, love!

Had an exciting day yesterday. I am sure a lot of my neighbors had surprised looks on their faces as they saw me climbing all over another neighbors roof. What in the world could prompt me to be up on a neighbors roof.

A short while ago I posted a request for all to do random acts of kindness. Acts of kindness to anyone, the who didn't matter even the what it was didn't matter. All that mattered was that we all go out of our way to perform one extra act of kindness. I am so grateful to those that wrote in telling of their individual acts of kindness done in honor of Billie's birthday. I thank each and ever one with all of my heart.

Both of my daughters, bless their hearts, keep me on my toes. Billie asked me what my act of kindness was going to be. I wrote of our dear neighbor Elsie. Elsie is a wonderful lady, well into her 80's. With the wisdom of her years also comes a difficulty in hearing and at times seeing. Elsie was widowed a few years back. Her husband John had taken care of all business matters. Anyway, Elsie's roof was damaged in a storm and the insurance company was paying to have the shingles all replaced. The work was done approx. 2 months ago. Lets just say the quality of the work was questionable and very sloppy to say the least. Elsie was extremely unhappy with the job. In spite of her advanced years she is a very independent lady. She was unhappy with the job and she was going to get it fixed declining any offers of help. Speaking with her occasionally over the fence it was obvious she was getting more and more upset but still declining offers of help. Matters came to a head a few days ago, when I learned it had reached the point for her that she wasn't sleeping or eating she was so upset about this whole thing and just didn't know what to do anymore.

So I did what I should have done weeks ago. I stepped in and told her to just give me all of her records etc. and that I would deal with it. I was appalled to hear that in addition to the sloppy work she had been presented with an extra bill by the contractor above and beyond what the insurance was paying. Elsie was upset and generally confused about the whole situation and couldn't really explain to me or even find this extra bill. What is this all about? Poor Elsie just doesn't know what is going on, "they must be taking advantage of me because I am on old lady." Based on everything she was telling me that really got my hackles up. I am going to deal with these SOB's, no one is going to take advantage of our dear Elsie. Which from what I heard from Elsie that definitely appeared to be happening.

First off I checked with the Better Business Bureau, let's see what sort of company we are dealing with here. Hmm, in business since 1974 with a perfect record, no complaints, a good solid company. That is strange, I was expecting to find it was a fly by night bunch of crooks, obviously not the case. So what is going on here?

Time to phone the company itself, I mean Elsie has phoned them repeatedly and is getting no where, I want an explanation! Quickly got through to Randy the man in charge of roofing installation. It soon became obvious he was caught off guard, having no idea there was an issue of any sort. He readily agreed to come out and inspect the job, which we did yesterday. He was the guy up on the roof with me. He was very nice and obviously concerned about poor Elsie and how she was so worked up. He apologized to her for causing her concern, but stated he couldn't deal with any problem if he didn't even know there was one. Fair enough, but what about all of Elsie's phone calls to the company. It turns out our Elsie initially didn't know who to phone so at the start she phoned no one, just fretted and got herself all worked up. It was only after she got the additional invoice that she had a name and number to call. There she did call but as it turns out only to complain about the extra amount being charged. She was all worked up thinking she is stuck with the roof as it is and was determined not to pay anymore. So what was this additional bill. It turns out Elsie decided to upgrade the quality of the shingles above what the insurance company was paying. Naturally, she had to pay the difference in cost to accommodate the upgrade and that is fair enough.

To make a long story at least a little shorter, Elsie is getting another brand new roof, everything will be redone completely. Work is scheduled to start in about 2 weeks, no cost to Elsie. She is one very relieved and happy lady, said last night she would finally be able to sleep, her mind at rest.

What did I learn from all of this? Don't jump to conclusions, there are 2 sides to every story. To try and make sense of any situation you really do have to know both sides. When we really got into it there was a real legitimate and understandable explanation for everything that had happen on both sides. How many problems are there in this world that couldn't be solved with just a little more dialogue. Listen to both sides before jumping to conclusions.

I never thought I would be posting any sort of endorsement for any businesses, but, sometime a guy has got to do what a guy feels is right. Randy and Sarna Roofing, I salute you and extend a big bouquet to you. Randy, you said your aim was to ensure customer satisfaction, you came through and proved that to be the case. It was a pleasure dealing with you. Elsie thanks you and I thank you. Next time I need my roof done I will be calling you. Adding this next statement as an after thought. Neither Elsie nor I are receiving an sort of consideration for my last comment, it is indeed straight from me.

Will be gone for a few days. Heading out of town but will be back on Monday. Have a good weekend.

Subject: Rhythmic breathing helps patients with end-stage kidney ailments feel relaxed

Sudarshan Kriya: salve for the distressed

- Rhythmic breathing helps patients with end-stage kidney ailments feel  relaxed

- Patients witnessing perceptible change mentally

- Positive frame of mind could help in treatment

HYDERABAD: There's still a lot to live for!  Aiming to drill this belief in the patient's inner self, nephrologists of the Gandhi Hospital have taken up a research on the impact of 'Sudarshan Kriya', a form of rhythmic breathing cognised by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar of Art of Living, on patients with end-stage kidney ailments, for whom dialysis is inevitable. Since a week, experts from Art of Living have been holding sessions for a group of patients who are on dialysis for survival.  Such patients perennially live in a state of distress and their mind is always agitated, because they know the end is very near.

Going by the response of patients, the results are encouraging. They agree to witness a perceptible change mentally.

"I am feeling very good about it.  It's helping me to relax and feel better from inside," says Md. Abdul Khader.

"After every session, I feel free from inner burden. I am not sure whether I would be fully fit, but at the moment I am feeling good," says another patient Rahmatunnisa Begum.

"The breathing exercise helps me in relaxing me mentally. I am hypertensive and this session has helped me to control myself," says a patient A. Mallayya.

"Alleviating the mood and molding them into positive frame of mind could help us in our treatment. We are conducting a battery of tests after the end of the first week to gauge any kind of change in patients," says Head of the Department for Nephrology Gandhi Hospital Dr. Pradeep Deshpande.

The sessions are being conducted by Anant Padmanabhan and Chitra Anant from Art of Living, who earlier trained victims of Tsunami at Nagapatnam. The training is a mild form of 'Sudrashan Kriya' because they can't do vigorous ones due to hypertension and other complications.

Strengthen immunity -  "It's a rhythmic breathing process that allows a healthy and pleasant mind to produce chemical messengers, which work on the nervous system and in turn strengthen the immunity. We are looking to better their immunity and hopefully show some good results," says Chitra Anant.

URL: http://www.hindu.com/2008/07/06/stories/2008070659070400.htm

Ok, a little is an understatement. I am indeed taken aback. I know it is long but it doesn't seem THAT long. You get the drift.

I wouldn't have gave it much thought until my dad threw me a random comment that simply implies it's time I think about my career track. Blah.

It sucks to hear that from my dad 'cause I would like to think of myself to be almost the one who always know what I want to do, what I want to be and when I do it. Doesn't matter if I am right or not. My parents just usually don't probe the choices I made in life, something I had always respected and appreciated. Hence, the fact he made the very comment could only meant one thing - I have slacked off way too much.

Is it necessarily bad? I doubt so. At this point in time, I am only afraid that I am so deep in the rut, I couldn't see how bad it has already become. I have to admit though. Now that school is out of the picture, there is a missing puzzle in my life; that sense of goal and direction. I crave fulfillment and my life right now provides almost none of the above.

My fellow coursemates have probably sent out a dozen resumes, went for a handful of interviews and perhaps clinched a job and started working.

Me? I have sent out one resume, went for THE interview and really hope I clinched it and start working soon. *please pray for me*

Other than my lucky streak at the mahjong table thus far (thank you Ting, Matt, Mei, Meiqi and Collin), some magical revelation seems to befall me and I am feeling more grateful and appreciative of late.

1. It's a lot easier when you know what you want to do in life. For that, I am lucky.

2. It suddenly seems great I always don't seem to get THERE and sometimes missing the mark by a little. Precisely because life don't always hand me things on a silver platter, I've become stronger. For that, I am lucky.

It's all good. : )

Patience is something I have been attempting to cultivate for a long time. While I often fail, I believe I have made some progress over the years, and things that used to get me ticked off I can now just let go. I still get upset, of course, but not nearly as much as I used to.  I guess 5-6 kids can wear you down a bit!

Here are a few tips that might help you become more patient, with practice:

1.        Got it down.  Once you become aware of your impulses, you can work out an alternative reaction.

2.      Figure out your triggers. Become more aware of the things that trigger you to lose that patience.

3.      Take deep breaths. When you first start to lose your patience, take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly.  Breathe deeply and slowly for two minutes.

4.      Name the Seven Dwarfs or recite the State Capitals. This one really works. When you feel yourself getting frustrated or angry, stop, think and name these things.  By the time you are finished.

5.      Take a time out. Often it’s best just to walk away for a few minutes. Take a break from the situation, just for 5 minutes, let yourself calm down, plan out your words and actions and solution, and then come back fresh.

6.      Remember what’s important. Sometimes we tend to get upset over silly things. In the long run, we won’t even remember these things tomorrow.  Shake it off!

7.       Find healthy ways to relieve frustration. I clean, clean, clean when I’m mad or frustrated.  Not only do I feel better and release energy but there is a wonderful outcome as well.

8.      Pray. This is definitely the most obvious one.  I almost didn’t even mention it because this should always, always, always be the first response.

9.      Just laugh. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that no one is perfect, that we should be enjoying this time with our loved ones, and that life should be fun — and funny.

10.   Say I love you and tell that person why you love them.  It is the best solution to any problem.

This site hit me like a ton of bricks. There are only 4 or 5 postings which are mostly pictures so it didn't take long to go through the blog start to finish. This site just emotionally overwhelmed me. It is to the point I have spent the past 2 hours or so just wandering around the house unable to really do anything but seemingly feel pain and grief, great sadness. It just sort of makes you want to cry, but hey, Howdle men don't cry.

I am not going to post the web site address as there is a comment stating it was set up for family and friends and I don't want to intrude on their privacy.

The site is there to keep family and friends posted on the medical progress of a young man named Jace. Jace was born prematurely at 24 weeks weighing only one pound. Site begins with a request for prayers and showing pictures of the young man in an incubator obviously in an intensive care unit of a hospital somewhere. Pictures of this wee tiny young man are both beautiful and heart breaking at the same time. You know he is fighting so hard for life.

Sadly, the wee lad lost his battle and I believe it was the very next post that showed pictures of him in his coffin. That just tore my heart to pieces. I just can't even begin to imagine the pain being felt by the parents and family. They are in my prayers and I hope in the prayers of any that may read this.

It is times such as this that it might be question, why would our loving God allow such a thing to happen to some one so young and helpless. I need to seek the solace of my meditation chair to regain some semblance of composure, as I do seem to be overwhelmed by this so sad event.

I know I have written before on how I believe when we enter this world we come both with lessons to learn and with a mission or maybe missions given to us by God. Who is to know what your individual mission(s) is. It is to in someway act as a teacher and in some way have a positive affect the lives of someone else as they learn their lessons in life. Once we have accomplished our mission the Good Lord calls us home. This is the only thing that makes any sense to me on the death of a young child.

It might be asked what sort of a mission could someone so young have accomplished? Whose life could he have affect in anyway other than by the pain and sense of loss being felt by the family? Who is to know? I offer myself as but one example. Jace, through your young and far to short life you have affected me, a total stranger. Sometimes there are things we know in our minds, but somehow allow that knowledge to get pushed into the background somewhere. It is not forgotten, more just taken for granted. How fragile and so short life can be and the importance of taking nothing and no one for granted. Take time to appreciate my life and all those in it. May God bless you.

To Jace's parents and family, I think it was an extremely courageous thing you have done by posting the pictures as you did. Sharing your grief, allowing others to grieve with you and creating an ever lasting memorial for this brave young man. My prayers are for you and with you.

venus com espelho, Titiano.

tu te lembras daqueles grandes espelhos de feiticeiro que certos proprietários colocavam à entrada de seus estabelecimentos para atrair os fregueses, achatando-os, alongando-os, deformando-os nas mais estranhas configurações?

nós, a miuçalha, achávamos uma bruta graça naquilo, bem sabíamos que era tudo ilusão, embora talvez nem conhecessemos o sentido da palavra "ilusão".

não, absolutamente não éramos aquilo!

e só muitos anos mais depois viríamos a descobrir que, para os outros, não éramos precisamente isto que somos - mas aquilo que os outros vêem...

cuidado, incauto leitor! há casos em que alguns acabam adaptando-se a essas imagens enganosas, despersonalizando-se, para o resto da vida, num segundo "eu".

o eu dos outros...

pois que pode uma alma, ainda por cima invisível, contra o testemunho de milhares de espelhos?

(Mario Quintana)

I'm sorry you have to put up with me. I know it's quite a job.

I love you though, so I hope you think it's worth it.

I've never denied that I come with my problems, and I'm sorry for every one of them.

And Timothy, if you don't want me around, all you have to do is say so. I will never willingly do something you don't like. So let me know when I piss you off, and I'll just go away and leave you alone.

I'm so sorry for the trouble I cause you.

-----

Counting my lucky stars I have you. : )

This is such a beautiful message and at least for me, it is so true far to often. The message refers to emails, this I can personally vouch for. When ever I need a boost, there is always a message waiting from one of my dear friends. Here is the message:

Whispers The man whispered, 'God, speak to me' and a meadowlark sang. But, the man did not hear. So the man yelled, 'God, speak to me' and the thunder rolled across the sky. But, the man did not listen. The man looked around and said, 'God let me see you.' And a star shone brightly. But the man did not see. And, the man shouted, 'God show me a miracle.' And, a life was born. But, the man did not notice. So, the man cried out in despair, 'Touch me God, and let me know you are here.' Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But, the man brushed the butterfly away . and walked on. I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted ... even in our electronic age So I would like to add one more: The man cried, 'God, I need your help!' And an e-mail arrived reaching out with good news and encouragement. But, the man deleted it and continued crying . Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect. My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Won't you please pass this to people you want to be blessed. Expect the unexpected.....Have A Great Week!

Here, it's been relaxing.. Boring, yes, but fun when I'm with the alcoholics. And more fun when there're alcoholics and cameras. haha! Pictures pictures..

Going back, it's going to be hectic. There'll be one change in uni life, which I don't know whether it'll be a significant change or not. There will be new responsibilities, new tasks to take care of, and new dreams to aim for.
Wish me luck..

Thank you for the birthday wishes ceeque, mymarriedlife, and mspennylane, it means so much to me for you to have taken the time to think of me on my birthday!

Laure – someone who can see opportunities for kindness without any prompting is a very special person indeed!!  Thank you!!

Mel – I have been watching all of the news coverage regarding the flood.  It looks just devastating!  So very reminiscent of Katrina!!  It sounds from your post as though you have made it through relatively unscathed.  For this I am very grateful.  Thanks so much for thinking of me in this very tumultuous time!!

Irene – being almost 6 months pregnant with my second child I am enormous and have a hard time picking stuff up off the floor (at least this is my excuse for the current condition of my house!!).  Consequently, I can especially appreciate the help you gave your colleague.  Pregnant or not, help in packing is always a good thing!!  Thanks!!

Colouredmind (a.k.a. Hannah) – a number of years ago I was on my way home from work and a woman that lived on the street outside of my building stopped me and asked if she could have $2 to buy herself a sandwich for dinner.  She had been there for months and had never once asked me for anything despite the fact that I had passed her almost every day.  Instead of giving her the $2 I took her into the local coffee/sandwich shop and bought her dinner, which turned out to be a bowl of soup, two sandwiches and a cup of coffee.  We had dinner together and she told me about how she usually just felt like part of the landscape.  She said that some people noticed her but tried to ignore her but the majority seemed to be oblivious to the fact that she was even there.  We had a very nice time together.  The next day she stopped me again, not to ask for more money but to tell me how much my stopping had meant to her.  Not even a week later she was gone from her spot and I never saw her again and I have often wondered whatever happened to her.  I’m sure that it meant the world to those two men for you to stop give them a kind “hello”, a cup of tea, and to notice that they weren’t just part of the landscape!!  Thanks!!

Jo Hart – your posts on my dad’s blog over the past number of months have shown you to be a very kind and generous person.  What you have done for those children on my behalf only exemplifies that fact!!  Thank you!!

Grateful, humbled, honoured, and blessed are only a few words that cannot begin to describe how you have all made me feel.  I’m sure we’ll never know the true impact that these acts of kindness will have on their recipients and the ripple effect it may cause.  However, the generosity you have shown to others on my behalf is awe-inspiring and will never, ever be forgotten. Thank you so much for the part you have taken in making my 30^th birthday so wonderful and memorable!!!!

~ Billie ~

It is a love filled and heart wrenching message from Amy. Amy writes of the pending passing of her uncle. I ask all please for prayers for Amy, her uncle and entire family.

Amy's message is so heartfelt I can feel her pain through her words. I ask for the prayers please, but also for everyone to take a moment to think of their own lives. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the daily events, the daily issues or problems that we can seemingly become overwhelmed. We loose sight of the big picture, of what really is important. If we think of this, suddenly our individual daily issues we are so wrapped up in, seem to become pretty trivial. Maybe we can get our priorities straight. Here is Amy's comment:

Dear Bill,
I am sorry for what you and your family are going through and pray that God gives you the strength to face whatever troubles you have.
I came on here looking for words to help my Uncle. I found out exactly 2 weeks ago tomorrow that he only has a few weeks to live. He has liver cancer.
The day I found out, I cried, as he is the closest relative to be passing after my Grandparents. He is just a great Uncle and great person period.
He was just given the news he was dying on that day, so I had to see him and wondered what I could get that might be of some little help.
I stopped at a Walgreens because I know they have some inspirational books there.
I picked up a few, skimmed through the pages and came across a book called “God’s Promises” by Max Lucado. He is an excellent inspirational author.
Anyway, I’m going through the pages and came across one that said, “Saying Goodbye” It gave examples of people going off to war saying goodbye, people saying goodbye at airports and goodbyes before death. But on that page it asked Why does God give us Families if we just have to say goodbye? The answer –Because he knows that Eternity is so close that Goodbye really means I’ll see you tomorrow. I got goosebumps when I read that and that is what I picked up for him. It had a ribbon that I could mark that page for him too.
I left the store and was crying but knew I had to try to get some composure if I was going to stop up at the hospital to see my Uncle.
I got in the car and through tears, wrote these words to him.
Dear Uncle Edmund,
When I count life’s blessings I have always considered you one of them.
I know that God has held your hand in your Journey through Life. I hope he now holds your hand a little tighter and, if needed, carries you in his arms to Heaven.
Love always,
Amy
PS If there are any lakes in Heaven I know where you’ll be.
(One of his greatest loves is fishing, so I had to throw that in)

I did fine up in the hospital and kept my composure. I did not give him the book until right before I left. My Aunt and him really liked it.

I talked to my cousin today and she said
he is going downhill fast. He has no control over going to the bathroom and he could at least do that 2 weeks ago.

She said she is having a hard time saying goodbye, and that she knows she will regret it later if she doesn’t. I told her she didn’t have to use the word goodbye. She could
just tell him she loves him and will someday see him in Heaven. It somehow doesn’t seem as harsh and it is true, God willing.

I am going to bookmark this site and again I will pray for you and your family. God works in mysterious ways, just look at what you are able to do with this website and how many lives you are touching.
Wonderful.
God’s blessings to you,
Amy

Follow up to my post, I just received an email from Amy, her uncle has passed. Prayers for all please

This weeks verse clearly reveals God's love for His people. In fact, throughout the Old Testament we read how God continually reached out His loving hand to the Children of Israel as He desired to communicate with them and experience intimate fellowship with them during their greatest times of need..
Everyone else will fail you in life but you can always count on our Father in Heaven to be near. We remember the night Jesus was betrayed that He told the disciples that they would all forsake Him as the Scripture foretold. However, although his friends would forsake Him His Father would be with Him. It is recorded that Jesus said in John16:32 after telling the disciples that they would forsake Him, "Yet I am not alone because the Father is with Me".

The first thing we must do when faced with loneliness is turn our focus away from what we don't have and toward what we do have. What do we have? God himself!!!!

In my personal walk with Christ, I have been guilty several times of thinking that I was totally alone. How could a God I couldn't see, feel or touch comfort me. However, as I grew in my relationship with Christ and started listening to the Holy Spirit, I began to experience much comfort instead of despair knowing for certain that God was with me.

God promises that He dwells within all of us who have placed our Faith in Jesus Christ for eternal salvation. Just as blood flows through our veins giving us life, so the love of God flows through us during those times of despair and loneliness. Read John 15; 1-9. You share a very real and personal relationship with the Father. In fact, the most uplifting, intimate and eternal friendships you will ever have. What a friend we have in Jesus!

During times of difficulty you can turn to self which is no comfort at all, or you can experience the most awesome love,comfort,strength and presence you have ever known by opening your heart totally to Christ our Lord and receiving His strength to persevere through times of loneliness and despair.

In conclusion, I leave you with this question. Are you willing to experience the depth of God's love? Will you ask Him to "fill you up" during times of loneliness and despair or try to make it through in your own strength? Remember, once you place your Faith in Christ you can never totally isolate yourself from Him. He promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you and in addition even when you are not faithful He remains faithful.

From His Perspective  

"But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' "  (Matthew 19:26)

I heard the story of an elderly minister who liked to visit people in hospitals.  He often would take along a little, embroidered bookmark that he carried in his Bible.  On the back of the bookmark were a group of tangled threads with no apparent pattern.  He would hand this bookmark, with the back facing up, to those who were hurting or upset and say, "Look at that and tell me what it says."

As they looked at all the tangled threads, they would say, "I have no idea what it says.  It doesn't seem to say anything."

Then he said, "Now, turn it over."  As they would flip that bookmark over, they saw the words, "God is love."  The minister would say, "Many times as we look at what God is doing, we just see tangled threads with no rhyme or reason.  But from God's perspective, He is dealing with us in love, and He knows what He is doing."

The next time you think it is all over for you, just remember how things turned out for Joseph.  Just remember how things turned out for Daniel.  No doubt things looked pretty dim when he was in the den of lions.  It looked hopeless as well for Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego when they were thrown into the fiery furnace.  Things looked pretty grim for Peter when he was in prison.  And things looked bleak for Martha and Mary when their brother died.

You see, things can look bad at one moment, but then God will step in and turn events around.  Then suddenly you'll look back and say, "Now I understand what God was doing."

Copyright © 2008  by Harvest Ministries.  All rights reserved.  Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version, copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc