The rather cool shop assistant (who smoked menthol cigarettes and also offered me one - clever!) assured me that the slightly short trouser legs were oh so trendy - all I needed was a pair of cool boots with elasticated sides to show them off, which the shop also sold and which I also bought. I thought I'd bought the secret to having women fall at my feet. But when I got home and showed my folks, they were more than a little upset that I'd spent all my hard-earned money on 'a pair of clown's trousers'. I just thought they didn't understand fashion but the reality was that simply everyone who saw them commented on how comical they looked or how brave I was to wear them or how much I'd spent (ie wasted) on them. After 7 or 8 outings I couldn't stand it any longer and they were consigned to the wardrobe, never to be worn again. And no woman fell at my feet at the sight of them, though several fell about laughing. Sigh...

Have you ever bought something you wished you hadn't? It set me thinking that the following might also regret their purchases:

-  people who bought shares in AIG, Lehmann Bros, Merrill Lynch, Northern Rock etc. I feel truly sorry for the poor sods who've lost good money on their investments but don't feel sorry in the least that banks and other financial institutions have gone south. Is it just me?  Sure it's tough on all the employees who weren't earning multi-million £ bonuses but the grasping buggers have been exploiting their customers for years and the overbearing greed and hubris of some of their senior management has been rewarded appropriately.

-  Mike Ashley buying Newcastle Utd (and Hicks and Gillette Liverpool FC).

-  Chelsea FC blowing £30m on Schevchenko (the worst bit of football buisness of all time?). But is Red Roman bothered?

-  Sir Alex, who convinced David Gill to fork out not inconsiderable transfer fees on Djemba Djemba, Kleberson and that goalie he signed to replace the incomparable Peter Schmeichel, one Massimo Taibi. Do you know where he's playing now? - only at my local Serie B team here in Italy, Ascoli Calcio! No wonder they got relegated from Serie A.

Any other suggestions for crap buys out there either personal, football -related or just plain sad/amusing?

pp

So what do you make of Gianfranco Zola's appointment as manager of West Ham Utd then?  I think I can imagine what Alf Garnett would have said at the news - 3 words; one of them 'a', one 'liberty' and you'll have to guess the middle one. Or may be not, as the reaction from the WHU fans seems fairly positive.

I can't help but think though that this signals the death-knell for the English born manager. Let's face it, if West Ham - probably the most traditional of English clubs - now prefers an Italian manager with absolutely no experience in club management let alone Premiership management experience then what chance is there for the likes of Allardyce etc? It wasn't long ago that big Sam was being interviewed for the England job. Now he didn't even make  the long list for the WHU vacancy.

What's more at WHU the manager is expected to be supported by (or perhaps led by...?) an Italian Director of Football. And we've seen two English managers walk out of their jobs in the last week because they couldn't handle working alongside someone in that capacity. Apparently all our guys want the same degree of authority and autonomy and control that Ferguson and Wenger enjoy over transfer policy. But here's the new reality; the new and increasingly foreign owners of our Premiership clubs don't want to entrust buying and selling policy involving tens of £ millions now, into the hands of some bloke who's had as much genuine work and business experience as my 16 month old grandson.

Anyway Ferguson and Wenger don't really handle transfer stuff. They tell David Gill and David Dein and his successor who they would like and the rest is done by the commercial guys. Assuming of course that the owners/Board are prepared to sanction it.  Everything's a compromise. Ferguson and Wenger largely get what they want because they have a track record of success whereas Keegan, Curbishley, Allardyce, Robson et al have won jack shit of any note. Plus Ferguson and Wenger can count themselves extremely lucky because some of their picks have been complete bozos.

So West Ham get one of the Chelsea 'clan'. By all accounts Zola is one of football's most charming and well-respected characters. He consistently ranks No1 as the best overseas player to grace the Premiership in every fan poll. And he was one hell of a player. All of which, of course, adds up to bugger all when it comes to managerial ability. It's a huge gamble on West Ham's part and they seem to be going for the personality factor over proven ability.

I have to confess to being an admirer of the little big man from Sardinia but I'm also of the view that it's probably a leap way too far for someone who's biggest managerial job to date has been as assistant coach to the Italian under 21 team. If he succeeds I'll not only be delighted but I'll be the first person to hold my hand up and say I was wrong. But you just know these things never work in real football, only in the world of Roy of the Rovers.

Is that still going? It's probably Romario of the Rovers now.

pp

It had to happen I guess. Following the departure of KK from Newcastle Utd last week, yesterday saw his partner in comedy Terry 'now then' McDermott also leave the club. They made a fine double act, always good for a few laughs. Actually, now I think about it, they always looked f*cking miserable, as above. It was the rest of us who had the chuckles about the goings on at the Toon. What a shambles. Now King Kenny's headed back to the circus, where now for El Tel I wonder?  Would uncle Jeff Stelling want another scouser on his show, Sky's Soccer Saturday? One tosspot in Phil Thompson's surely enough.

pp

-  Utd land Berbatov at last but what a frigging protracted saga. I got a call from my good mate Shay from the States a couple of hours before the transfer deadline, who'd just heard that Man City had made an audacious bid for the player. He's a big Spurs fan (London boy) and was pissed that the club were considering selling a key player to a top 4 team. I think he could have lived with selling him to Bayern or Barca but Man U (or City) was too much after Keeno left for Liverpool. Fact is money spoke and once the bidding got beyond £30M, all those issues at board level at Spurs got forgotten (including the tapping up accusations against Man U). All very cynical. But I think the loan deal with F Campbell is inspired - how did Gill/Ferguson pull that off?

-  Wenger makes a last minute bid for Alonso. I said he was a great buy for Arsenal. But why did AW wait till the last minute to make the bid - by all accounts he had a £30M transfer kitty so why delay? I suspect AW wants to be viewed as the Prince of Parsimony because he feels the financial structure of the major clubs isn't ethical. So was he looking for a last day bargain?  I suspect yes, but he's short in midfield and I would have signed Alonso weeks ago. But despite having the money, AW missed out. Bad call in my view sorry PGOB but this was a player you absolutely needed in my view and could have had for less than £10M.

-  I said Curbishley would go soon but he has left within frigging hours. Bilic must be in the frame.

-  I also said Thaksin would sell up his interests at City but I didn't figure he'd do it within 24 hours....So City are now owned by the Abu Dhabi bunch. Total fun. I cannot believe that they tried to high-jack the  Berbastov deal but I am absolutely delighted that they stole Robinhio from Kenyon's grasp. Such fun. I can't believe that Man City are backed by impossible wealth but bring it on. Roman Ab are you watching?--

-  Newcastle. I said it could implode and it looks like it's about to happen wih Keegan's apparent departure. Surely all they are discussing now is KK's severance pay - it'll no doubt be millions. Ah well Kev back to the football circus eh. They could go down. Sorry Lol.

Now that's what I call a new season 08!!!!

pp

-

Well the new season's started and it's a long time since I did a footie posting. Prompted by Charlie Cranium's recent comments I thought I should offer up some thoughts on the season ahead which you're all welcome to challenge. Let me know what you think.

First observation; has anything changed much? We see Chelsea already playing ugly and winning, Paul Scholes red-carded for hot-headedness, Premiership managers under threat of the sack after 2 matches  (did Curbishley save his job for one week at least yesterday?), the head of the FA gets sacked whilst England continue to play shapelessly and without passion and leadership, the Champions League draw has thrown up yet more of the same old same old (Man U v Celtic, Liverpool v PSV, Arsenal v Porto, Roma v Premiership team), and Man U find themselves locked in a protracted transfer saga. Yawn....

It all feels a bit samey doesn't it? The Euro 2008 Championships were great I thought but they seem a long time ago now. Has anything happened in the meantime to quicken your pulses about the coming season? I have to admit to feeling pretty uninspired by it all. Which  transfer signings have sparked the imagination? So far the big clubs have signed Keene, Nasri, Bosingwa, Dossena and a few other never-heard-ofs. Would you fork out for a season ticket on th strength of any of thopse signings?  Deco I guess is the most interesting signee but let's face it he's past his best and at the fag end of a career. Come a cold wet night up in Middlesbrough in mid-November, the spark will be missing no doubt. To be honest I wouldn't have minded Ronaldo disappearing off - the ingrate - if it would have facilitated a speedy resolution of the Berbatov transfer. United are clearly in need of a striker. Now it's all dragged out and even if it does still happen, he'll take weeks to get assimilated and Chelsea could be away with the fairies and the title.

What else has happened in the the last few weeks? Maybe it would be better to start with what hasn't. Building hasn't started on Liverpool's new stadium ( and probably never will now), Barry hasn't gone anywhere as yet - what is that all about?  Wenger's hardly spent any money though Arsenal have lost a lot of talent, especially in midfield. A bit odd? Xabi Alonso seems unwanted (what's wrong with him Arsene?)  and yet I regard him as one of the most cultured players in the Premiership and a real creater in midfield.  Surely what Arsenal need above all else though is a midfield enforcer. Since Viera's departure they've played the most beautiful football but remain the easiest team in the Premiership to kick sh*t out of. Ask Bolton. What else? Shaun Wright-Philips has moved - back to Man City. That was a waste of 3 years. Shevchenko's gone back to Milan - ditto. And surely Robbie Keene was the wrong purchase for Liverpool -  he's too similar in style to Torres and un-supported by his natural suppliers - pacey wide players and an unselfish strike partner flicking stuff on.  Oh and Derby still haven't won under Jewell.

So what of the coming season then, what can we predict to spark some life into proceedings? I'm pretty sure that the teams currently occupying 4th, 5th and 6th places in the Premiership - West Ham, Boro and Bolton - won't finish in those places at season's end. I actually think Curbishley will go (and soon) and that Boro might just become a top 10 side this season - maybe even a candidate for a EUFA cup place. I think Bolton will join the 3 promoted sides in a 4 way dog-fight for relegation. Megson won't survive. I think Everton might struggle this year and that Man City under Hughes will surprise everyone. I rate him very highly - if nothing else he knows how to send out a balanced, competitive side.  Sunderland ought to make progress but its hard to call what's going to happen at Newcastle. It could be a season of consolidation or it could implode. My money's on Keegan leaving way before season end.

As to the so-called big 4, I honestly think the premiership title will be a straight two-way tussle between Man U and Chelsea. It's not an inspired piece of forecasting, most pundits go for the same thing. But I've a feeling that 2 or maybe 3 of the clubs may be looking for new managers by or at season's end. Oooh. I also think Villa will get very close to breaking into the gang of 4.

The Cups? Well apart from the Champion's League which I'm bored with now, they are pretty much irrelevant aren't they? A bit harsh maybe - any Portsmouth fan will argue strongly against that view but at best they are a side-show. I think the most competitive league and most entertaining to watch now is the Championship. This year there are at least 8 clubs in with a realistic shout at promotion to the Premiership. I don't think my old home-town team Blackpool will be one of them (though I do hope they survive) but if i was putting money on it I'd go with Birmingham.

As for personalities I'm looking forward to seeing more of fat Phil who was great in the French Connection I thought. Dean Windass will become everyone favourite Yorkshire lad - honest, blunt and as thick as his accent. Tevez to be player of the year whilst team-mate Ronaldo will have a season-long sulk. Thaksin will sell his interest in Man City offering that tosspot of a Chief Exec (is it Gary Cooke?) more scope to sound like he has swallowed all 4 volumes of Business Speak for Beginners.  No doubt he borrowed them from that pilchard Simon Jordan.

Final forecast; Duke of Edinburgh to pop his clogs. Sorry folks, can't resist the dark side. Come on make my day and let me know why we should be looking forward to the new season with anticipation and your own forecasts.

pp

So it's viva Espana at long last. A good final I thought but not a thriller and the right team won. Brilliantly taken goal from Torres who is quite a player. Liverpool are privileged to have him. Pity about the tattoo though - just why do footballers want sanskrit on their arms?

What were your impressions of the tournament? I really enjoyed it and didn't miss England being there at all to be honest. Well I did a bit but it was possible to enjoy the football without knowing that a huge disappointment was coming our way courtesy of fat Phil in the QF's. I thought Holland played some outstanding football in the group stage, Russia and Turkey were surprisingly good and France weren't just disappointing, they were rubbish - playing football comparable to our qualifying standard (crap). Player of the tournament? I could argue cases for Sneijder and Torres but it would have to be Arshavin I think or, whisper it quietly, maybe even Ballack. Speaking of enhanced reputations, who'd get the main award for this category? It's got to be Guus Hiddinck hasn't it? I wonder if the FA are regretting not appointing him now?

Clanger? I'd have to say fat Phil announcing his appointment as new Chelsea manager after which Portugal lost every match. Now we know why he was so keen to encourage Ronaldo to move to Real at the start of the tournament. Best goal? - possibly that flowing move finished off by Sneijder. Superb stuff. I'd be very happy to see him come to Old Trafford in part X for Ronnie, the ungrateful little tw*t. Oddest moment? - the sending to the stands of the German and Austrian managers - what was all that about? And best caught on camera moment? - surely the sight of Loew the German manager puffing on a fag in the box. Very un-Eufa like.

One final thought did I miss the 3rd/4th place play-off? Any other thoughts on key moments/players please shout.

pp

-

oh jawohl!

pp

So Steve...Alan, shorry to interrupt but could you pronounce that as Shteve pleash, I'm very conshioush of the need to shound like I'm part of the shene at FC Twente. You want people to think you're Dutch Shteve? But you're patently an Englishman, a bluff Yorkshire lad who paraded his national credentials with pride on securing the England manager's job. You know Shteve (and I'm going to stop mispronuncing your name) I think it's disgraceful to deny your roots and to give a false impression of your background. Well it'sh a point of view Alan and I reshpect your poshition but I'm now working in the country that gave ush sexshy managersh like Ruud Gullitt and Marco van Basten and you know I think I can be sexshy too - for shure.

Well I know your hairstyle's distinctive Steve but I don't know if the receding quiff ranks up there with the flowing dreadlocks but let's move the conversation on. Now Steve, it's been interesting working alongside you in the Radio5 commentary team at the Euro 2008 championships. Many people have said that it was wrong of the BBC to appoint someone, at great expense to the licence fee payer, to pass comment on the teams and players and styles of play, when as manager of the England team you'd so obviously failed to grasp how good and effective they could be and had clearly employed questionable team selections and dubious tactics against them. I have to say I agree with that view Steve but what do you say to that? Well Alan I think it'sh important to realise that we were playing againsht two sidesh in our qualifying group who have reached the last 8 of thish tournament. I don't think losing pointsh againsht two of the top sidesh in Europe ish such a dishgrashe. As for working for the BBC well I've been proud to offer shome thoughtsh and reflectionsh and, I'd like to think, a little bit of inshight. Well Steve, in shite has been the status to which you've delivered the England team's reputation so nobody can argue with that.

Let's talk about the FC Twente job Steve. Now you were publicly talking about being interested in the Blackburn job just this week and were even interviewed for the role as I understand it. That'sh right Alan. But within 4 hours of Paul Ince being declared the odds-on favourite for the role, your PR people announce your new appointment at Twente which suggests Steve that you were were being less than upfront with one of the clubs you were talking to. And I recall Steve Gibson, the Middlesbrough Chairman, declaring - after you'd left there for the England job - his dismay at all the apparent interviews you were having for various so-called higher-status jobs in the game, whilst being paid handsomely at the Boro. I personally think it's a disgrace for players like Ronaldo to tout themselves in the marketplace having signed a 5 year deal at their current club. Don't you think managers like yourself have a responsibility to set an example and to resist the temptation to court the next big move? Now Alan, I've never had a formal interview with any club whilsht employed by another. But informal conversations Steve? Well Alan, we're both men of the world. I can't help bumping into the Chairman of a major Dutch club at his hotel whilsht working for the BBC at this tournament and having a few drinksh in his room later with our legal represhentatives who just happened to be shtaying down the corridor. It'sh one of those thingsh that happensh Alan.

Well it annoys me Steve almost as much as the abject quality of the refereeing in this tournament and the dreadful situation in Darfur and the fact that the South Pacific is becoming a repository for the world's discarded plastic bags. It's a disgrace and the FA should do something about it. Well that's as maybe Alan but the termsh of my sheveranshe arrangement from the FA prevent me from commenting advershely about the organishation. And you wouldn't want to jeopardise that £2.5M pay-off Steve would you? Exactly Alan.

Finally Steve will you be looking to take any of the lads who played under you in the Premiership and with England to FC Twente? You seemed to have a close relationship with some of them. Well Alan I don't know about closheness but JT and Lampshy were shmashing ladsh and young Wayney - I liked to call him Roo - was a cracking pershonality. If I could take them to Holland I'd be very happy but I might have to shmuggle them in Alan ha ha ...... Speaking of which here's that bag of gange I promished you Al - hey that f*cking microphone isn't still on is it?

Er...yes and thank you Steve McClaren......... you big gobshite.

pp

ps this was meant as a spoof - even tosspot Mcclaren would never try and adopt a faux Dutch accent, would he? Well I read he has done just that in interviews with English journalists this week (late August). What a complete toschpot.

Well it's been really quite enjoyable watching a tournament without my home country competing (this must be what it's like to support Scotland!). We don't have to go through the pain of seeing England lose in the QF's to a side managed by fat Phil. Of course he's off to join the Russian revolution post Euros. I can't wait to be honest but he's going to have to smarten up a bit; those shell suits are tragic. And of course the world has been spared the joy of seeing our fans throwing bottles, tables and chairs across a sleepy square after incessant taunting from some rival fans. Has there been any trouble at this event - I haven't seem any on the news here? I think that maybe the weather's had something to do with it. Looks like they've been having the same deluges that we've been enjoying in Italy (see previous posting). Drinking all day in the pouring rain isn't the same is it?

So it's been a well-behaved tournament. I thought that hosting the event in two countries which have pretty useless football sides and largely disinterested populations might make for a poorly-attended spectacle. But on the contrary having the event located slap bang in the middle of the continent has meant that fans can travel in and travel out relatively easily, thereby reducing the number of fans hanging around. On the other hand I can't see much evidence that the ultra-reserved Swiss and Austrians have taken the event to their hearts. It's been a bit low-key in intensity hasn't it? That opening ceremony and the pre-game activities have been both bizarre and underwhelming. Some of it looks real amateur hour, a bit like a Girl Guide's Jamboree. They're a dull lot these mittel Europeans.

So what about the footie - what teams and players have caught the eye so far? Well undoubtedly Holland have been the team of the tournament so far. Their wins over Italy and France were just great matches. That's how to play football. And Sneijder has been my player of the Euros so far - with two cracking goals to his credit. (We're running a goal of the tournament bet too and he's got to be in the frame). I'm thinking that if Ronaldo does f*ck off to Real - and I'm getting to think that it may not be a bad thing for Man U to cash in on him - then I'd be very happy to take Sneijder to Old Trafford as a make-weight in the deal. Who else has impressed? I thought the Romanian goalie Lobont was excellent, likewise his mate at the back Goian. If I was manager of a newly-promoted team to the Premiership I might just take a chance on those two. David Villa looks the finished article doesn't he - thought that injury time winner against IKEAland was painful. Hey what about Boulahrouz? I thought he was complete crap when I saw him play at Chelsea but he's alright as it happens.

Fun moments - well what was all that sending off to the stands of the German and Austrian managers all about? We were listening to Italian TV commentary and couldn't make out what had happened. Neither of the managers seemed to be acting overly aggressively. Jeez that ref should see Sir Alex in a bad mood. Seeing all those preening nancies in les bleus going out gave me particular pleasure. I've frankly heard enough over the years about how wonderful Henry, Makele, Viera and Anelka are. Well not now. I couldn't help but smile at Henry's own goal which was the final nail in the coffin for the French team. I'm still smiling now.

Worst moment? Tuning in to radio 5 live and having to listen to that tosspot McClaren's opinions is unbearable. And he's being paid a right wedge to do it. Of licence payers' money. Shameful.

So who's going to win? It's very had to pick a winner isn't it - any one of 6 teams could do it. I'm sure Holland may just run out of steam. It's got to be now or never for Spain but against an Italian side who might just be starting to find their form, who knows? I don't really want Portugal or Germany to win it. If I was a real gambling man I might just put a wager on Croatia. Grieves me to say it as they out-qualified England and their manager Bilic is a cheating bastard but they look a so solid crew. But if they were to win we might just end up with a re-writing of football history, with both the FA and the tosser McClaren arguing that we'd only failed to qualify because we were drawn against the best team in Europe.

Umm on second thoughts I'll go with my adopted country Italy - my good mate Mike's bet - even if that big girl Buffon seems to have taken to wearing cravats whilst in goal. What's that all about?

pp

'Good morning everyone this is Garth Crooks here and my guest today is Graham Taylor, ex Watford (twice), Aston Villa and England manager of course. Good morning Graham - indeed is it acceptable to say that at a time approaching noon or would a simple welcome Graham be more appropriate to the time (which as I speak has just turned midday I notice) Graham? Er what was the question Garth? Actually I haven't asked one yet Graham - well I did in so far as enquiring about the most apt way to introduce you, though it was slightly rhetorical in its phrasing. Ah, right Garth...an awkward silence ensues.

Can we begin Graham, indeed perhaps I should say continue Graham, by asking for your thoughts so far on the spectacle that is the Euro 2008 Championships, which as we all know, is shorn of the presence sadly of the England team but which, happily, has been free of the kind of social and civic problems revolving around hooliganism which seem to bedevil any tournament in which England participate? Er...that's a very difficult question for me to answer really Garth. It's true this tournament is lacking the presence of the England team. Is it better for that? I don't know but I do know that if England had won those games instead of dropping points against Croatia, Russia and some of the lesser sides, we'd probably be playing in this tournament now.

Thanks Graham, I think you're right, but whether we'd be realistically in with a chance of winning the event is open to doubt especially when you look at the performances so far of the once mighty Italian and French sides, who let's face it Graham are struggling here. That's right Garth and the simple fact is that the reason they both lost so heavily to the Dutch side was that they conceded too many goals. If you let in 3 or 4 goals against a very exciting team you're going to lose, and that's what they did Garth. That coupled with the fact that they didn't score as many goals as the Dutch. Top level football's all about scoring more than the opposition and conceding fewer. That's the message I always gave my teams before they went onto the pitch Garth.

And as messages go Graham I think I can say, as an ex-footballer myself, that it is a philosophy which underpins the values and qualities of the best things about football - a creed that all the great sides from the Real Madrid teams of the early 60's through to the great Busby babes teams, the brilliant Dutch national side of the 70's have all lived up to. But I see another spectre on the horizon of this tournament Graham; that of the cynical fix which will allow Romania to triumph against a Neths second team thus denying places in the QFs for the mighty Italians and French side. What are you views on that Graham? Do I not like that Garth! There's no place in football for cheating, except maybe in Italy, but it's in their culture there Garth. Do you know I once sold the lad Luther Blissett to AC Milan and the bastards never paid us the transfer fee. Bloody disgraceful. Looking back Graham do you think that's because they thought they were signing John Barnes and you sent them the wrong player maybe? Now look here Garth, Luther was a fine player for Watford - at least as good as Barnsey (well almost) and he was well worth the £5m fee. He's still revered in Italy by the fans you know - they refer to him as Il Stronzo Grande. I'm not abolutely sure what it means Garth but I'm pretty sure it's something like the big fella.

That's fascinating stuff Graham and can I now push you to peer into the crystal ball of fate and to tell us who you see emerging at the end of this great feast of football with their captain clasping aloft the beautiful Euro Nations trophy, like so many outstanding captains before him, and no doubt many more in future generations? Do you mean who's going to win Garth? Yes Graham. Well that's a big question Garth. You can't write off Gerrmany can you? They always start slowly and come good in these tournaments. I'd be tempted to say Holland but those cheating Dutch twats knocked us out when I was manager Garth. That Koemanns would have had the toe of my shoe up his arse if I could have got to him. But no Garth that's history, let's move on I always say. No my tip for the trophy would be Spain. They're playing that lovely winning football which if they can maintain it, should see them emerge victorious. The one thing I am absolutely sure of is that the final won't end in a draw.

Graham Taylor, thank you very much for that incredible insight. You're welcome Garth.

pp

Oh how I wish he could play in Man U's midfield or in the centre for the England rugby team as we try and take on the All Blacks on their turf, all fired up by the fearsome haka war dance. But if I was England coach (is Martin J in charge for this tour, I've lost track?) I'd be tempted to post up on the dressing room wall the words to the haka translated into English:

I die! I die! I live! I live! (make up your mind fellas)

I die! I die! I Live! I Live! (getting slightly boring now)

This is the hairy man who fetched the sun (eh?)

And caused it to shine again (very nice)

One upward step! Another upward step! (yawn)

One upward step! another ......the Sun shines!! Hi!!! (is that it?)

See what I mean? It wouldn't have troubled old Manuel would it? Big maori blouses. It got me thinking that a lot of sporting combat is as much about mental attitude as it is physical prowess. Look at all those guys who at times seemed unbeatable; Schumacher in F1, Federer at tennis, Phil Taylor at darts, Tiger at golf. For a time they probably all felt unassailable but something happens - somebody takes them on whose mental toughness matches and possibly dominates theirs for once. All of a sudden the unbeatable Champion starts to look human again rather than super-human. I don't think its just age creeping up - something gives in their heart I think.

Take Federer. Two years ago he couldn't be beaten except in the odd match on his least favourite clay surface. Then he gets a bout of glandular fever which is debilitating for sure but he's a fit guy. Since his comeback he's lost to all sorts of guys who are suddenly thinking I can take this guy. And once they do, despite Roger not being at his best, they've broken the spell. So we saw Nadal absolutely mullah him at Roland Garros in the recent final of the French Open. You've got to believe that Federer's going to struggle to beat Nadal even on his favourite (and Rafa's least favourite) surface at Wimbledon. Incidentally do you know who Roland Garros was? A Frenchman of course but rather surprisingly he was a pioneer of air travel - the first man to fly over the Mediterranean in 1913. He probably heard the Germans were coming (joke). But having mentioned the war, Garros was also renowned for inventing the system for firing machine guns through a plane's propellors whilst in flight, thereby making air warfare possible. So it seems only natural for the French to dedicate their national tennis home in his memory. Perverse buggers.

I think no sport shows the fallibility of Champions more than football. Didn't Man Utd win the European Cup in 1967 only to finish the next season trophy-less and in 11th place, prefacing the slide towards relegation. Let's hope history doesn't repeat itself. Look at the Italian national side. They were deserved and outstanding winners of the World Cup 2006 but struggled to qualify for Euro 2008 and have already lost heavily to a suddenly rampant Neths team. With virtually an unchanged side, why did that happen? And why do all Italian national sides play in azzurri blue when the national colours, reflected in the flag, are red, white and green? Well the tricolore was adopted only after WW2 surprisingly, whilst the blue dates back to the 19th century, when it was the colour of the house of Savoy, the Italian royal family. So now you know.

But for me the saddest incidence of a Champion whose former greatness and invincibilty had become compromised but nobody wished to tell him was Muhammed Ali. I never saw fighters like Marciano and Joe Louis but I will always maintain that Ali was the Greatest. He transformed the sport in every respect and fought everybody, avoiding nobody even after the authorities robbed him of 3 years at his fighting peak because of his anti-Vietnam stance. After his monumental comeback fight and narrow defeat to Frazier in 1971, he didn't fight again until 1974 when taking on the formidable George Foreman where he regained his title in that incredible rumble in the jungle. That was already 13 years after first winning the heavyweight title against Sonny Liston. He maybe should have retired then but he went on to defend his title 10 more times (including beating Frazier in a gruelling re-match) before losing on points to a young Leon Spinks. Undeterred, he won the re-match against Spinks to reclaim his title for a 3rd time, 4 years after the Foreman fight. After a break of a further two years he took on Larry Holmes in an ill-judged title challenge and got heavily beaten up. That was to be his last fight in the ring and the boxing public never forgave Holmes for his systemmatic, almost sadistic, mauling of a man approaching his 40th year.

That was clearly a fight too far for Ali but I have a view that a mental tipping point came for him in a little-remembered earlier bout against a real bum of the month in England's then finest, Richard Dunn. A former paratrooper (I think) and real bluff, call-a-spade-a-f*cking-spade Yorkshire man, Dunn came to the fight as a complete no hoper. And indeed the bookies were proven right as Dunn was duly despatched to the canvas for the umpteenth and final time in round 5. But something happened in that fight to cause Ali to look into his heart and realise it was the end. Dunn had no real skill or threat but he was as brave as anything and with true Yorks grit kept coming back at Ali. It was like the fight scene in Cool Hand Luke where the Newman character just keeps getting off the deck against the far bigger man. The Ali of old would have put Dunne away in round 1 but despite all his showboating and faux malice, he struggled to see 'eh up' Richard off. As the old gun-slingers from the Wild West came to realise, that was the moment when all the young guns knew they could take him on and now have a real chance of coming away the victor. Ali went on to have 6 more fights after the Dunn match and they all painfully went the distance apart from that final beating against Holmes when he was finished in Round 10.

Richard Dunn eh. I laughed at the time when I saw him trying to hit Ali when he was on his knees in Round 4 after his third knock-down. Ali was just looking down on him with disdain I thought then. But I now sense a deeper realisation; that his glory days were finished. 'The Greatest' was now just pretty good. Have a look at this old video of the fight. It says everything about sport and cycles of greatness I believe. Enjoy the poignancy.

pp

So things that drive me nuts about the world's greatest game:

- hairbands. They just don't look good on men. If the hair's a problem Buffon then get it cut you big girl.

- tattoos. One or two are alright I guess but Beckham's sparked this total tattoo mania and players like Materazzi look like they should be in a freak show now. Why do footballer's feel it essential have Sanskrit on their arms?

- 4 guys lining up to take a free kick when we all know Pirlo or Ronaldo or Beckham or Lampard's going to take it.

- players claiming for a throw in/corner when it was blatantly their put-out

- players signalling with a thumbs up and a clap of the hands to a midfield colleague who has just sent them a 40 yd attempted pass which sailed miles over their heads. Why do they do that - it was a crap pass?

- also managers who make indecipherable gestures from the bench like the single raised finger on each hand moving one in front of the other, accompanied by loud bellows. Scolari's always at it. Donadoni resorted to it frequently last night.

- shaking fingers at the lino in a no no no kind of gesture when the player was blatantly offside (a la Joe Cole - prick)

- Real Madrid - a real pain in the arse more like

- the death roll from a mild tackle

- the fact that proper crunching tackling has almost been outlawed; no tackles from behind, no sliding tackles, no two-footed tackles etc. Is this a contact sport or not?

- very bad hairstyles. Pirlo, get it caught man

- opening ceremonies - bizarre and unnecessary (unless the Americans do it) and what's all that gymnastic stuff before every match? if you're going to show it focus on the attractive female gymnasts.

- the look of horror and disbelief when receiving a booking for a clumsy foul

- all-green goalie kits; they look like Robin Hood outfits

Any things drive you mad about the beautiful game?

pp

So Sir Bobby, it's 3 days in to the tournament and who's impressed you so far? Well Mike the Germans are ruthlessly efficient aren't they? Last night's win over Poland was pretty comprehensive. I was particularly impressed with what d'ya call him, Durst Binnmann up front for Germany and the young lad in midfield Flar Potsmann. The Polish side were a little overawed by it all I thought especially that chap Shotta Viski who looked pretty groggy from the start. Yes I agree Sir Bobby but I tell you who did play well although they lost last night to Croatia was Austria. Yes you're right Mike. They were particularly combative in midfield - that guy Bytes Jarankl was snapping at everyone's heels. The lad up front Bob Sherankl was very unfortunate not to score too in that second half. And what about the Croatians Bobby, they did out qualify England after all. Yes Mike and deservedly so. Their manager Nastyic has got them playing well. I especially like the look of their midfield with the classy Megaric supported by the moody Livesabic and the snarling Sheezabic. Yep they're quite a force I reckon and could go far in this tournament.

That's interesting Sir Bobby, who else do you think may do well from the teams you've seen. Well I thought the co-hosts Switzerland were very unlucky the other night. I thought the Swiss Cheezburger was very unfortunate in front of goal and they had a classy goalkeeper in Modelmacher. Good hands that lad. The Czech Republic have a decent side too. He may be reaching veteran stage now but Itsner Liova can still knock 'em in the old onion bag and Mynza Pintowotny is a right handful. And the mean-looking lad at the back Plizdon Buncmicek will worry a lot of fancy-dan strikers I can tell you.

What did you think of the Turks Bobby? Not a lot to be honest Mike. They seem to have gone backwards since doing well at the South Korea/Japan World Cup. Take Forsytas Aga, he's surely past his best days now as is Wizzerd Osman. Perhaps you're right Bobby but I like the look of the Portuguese side - they seem to have every chance at this tournament. Yes Mike I agree. Of course they've got the world's best player, Bigi Diaz, playing dazzling stuff at the moment, though maybe he's a little distracted by all this transfer talk? I also like their little midfield dynamo, Centa Cortez, very much, he's the heart of the team for me.

Now I haven't seen the Russian side yet Mike but I'm really looking forward to seeing Ivan Tuginitov and his mate Avinitov on the subs bench. Yes I think we're all eagerly awaiting that Bobby. And what about some of those teams who have yet to play? Well Mike let's not forget the Greek side are the defending Champions. I'm not sure they'll repeat the feat but they have some fine players; Abfaboulos is just marvellous isn't he and I also like the rastafarian guy Hailie Populous. The only player I don't think deserves to be in their side is Vatz Ridicoulos - he's Championship material at best. I think the Romanians will struggle Mike; Zo Zolidscru is a decent centre-half and I've always liked Fanciascru. But I think that's about it in the side. The poor goalkeeper Havantaclu may be in for a torrid time methinks Mike.

So what about the big 3 sides Sir Bobby; Italy, France and Spain. Surely it's now or never for Spain whilst the other two have to slug it out in the so-called group of death? Yes Mike I think Spain will go further in this tournament then they've managed in any major event to date. Torrid up front is such a threat whilst Gama Varos will be sharp as ever. France are probably past their best for me. The centre half, Total Blanc, was a great player but just seems to have lost it to me and Le Fevre just tickled me with his antics in the warm-up match. No I'm very much of the view Mike that World Cup holders Italy will be the team to beat even after losing their inspirational captain Donaforgetami. The lad Biganelli will be a real handful upfront and I'll be interested to see how Potbelli plays after being unfit for most of the season.

Any outside bets for the winners Sir Bobby. Well The Dutch side have done very little in recent years after the glory days of the 70's but they play some delightful football and two players really impress me in their side; Transit van Dealer and the sublime Luton van Depot. I nearly signed him for Newcastle you know Mike. Really Sir Booby and how about a long shot bet? Well Mike I've got a sneaky feeling that Sweden just might take a few people by surprise. Any team with the irrepresible Helova Maelstrom up front is a real danger. The young boy Galac Seequist has come a long way in recent years. However I am sad but not surprised to see the old warhorse Enger Lund miss this tournament. But he'll be back no doubt .....maybe

Thank you Sir Bobby that was a smashing interview.

pp

pp

I've only just caught the news that a new statue celebrating the careers of the Man Utd 'Holy Trinity' - Best, Law and Charlton - was unveiled at Old Trafford this week by two of the key figures. Sadly of course, George is no longer around and it was poignant to hear Law talk about his continuing sadness at the loss of his great friend and team mate. The statue is a glorious tribute and I like the fact that it is sited to mirror the statue of the godfather of the Busby Babe's, Sir Matt Busby. It's as if the characters are paying their mutual respect. I like that.

Sir Bobby Charlton expressed the view that the next people to be so honoured by the club should be Sir Alex Ferguson and Ryan Giggs, which may well turn out to be true. But it got me thinking that statuary to footballs greats must be the contemporary answer to all those bronze and marble figures of our military leaders (and latterly Prince Albert) which sprung up during Victoria's reign. So little new statuary seems to get commissioned now unless it's towns remembering the famous entertainers who were born/lived there or those outside football stadia.

Most clubs have the things now; my home town team of Blackpool have own of Sir Stan Mortenson though not one of Matthews - who is honoured at Stoke City. Local rivals Preston have a great one of the legendary Sir Tom Finney. My other side Boro have two no less, in honour of George Hardwicke and my good friend L's hero Wilf Mannion. Others include Billy Wright at Wolves, Sam Bartram at Charlton, Sir Alf and Bobby Robson at Ipswich, Bill Shankly at Liverpool and Dixie Dean at Everton. Leeds have a statue honouring Billy Bremner (and maybe others?) and I seem to recall a dreadful effort - was it of Ted Bates at Southampton? I'm sure there's a statue of Cloughie in Nottingham (if not at the club?) and maybe even one of him at Derby County's ground and in Middlesbrough town centre? The town of Dudley has one in honour of that other colossus in the Busby babes side, Duncan Edwards. West Ham have a tribute to the heroes of '66 (which because it is an iconic image of the incomparable Bobby Moore being carried aloft, shows the other two West ham players in the side, Hurst and Peters, and also Ray Wilson who was not, of course, a WH player). There's also a great and fitting statue of Moore at the new Wembley.

If there are any more out there please let me know. I'm sure there must be. Has anyone published a collection of them? Perhaps you might want to suggest someone who deserves to be honoured but hasn't yet been. Can't see one being erected at the the Bridgski in honour of ten Cate can you? But one of Wenger at Arsenal surely at some point? Juninho at Boro for me - not only would it link the historical figures to more recent moments in Boro's past, he's so tiny they could melt down a horse brass and still have plenty of metal left over for Steve Gibson's.

pp

ps I see from the auto-generated link below that Arsenal have already unveiled a bronze bust of AW. Presumably they stuck it on the plinth previously occupied by the David Dein bronze...

Ee it were reet grand ter see Donny beat dirty Leeds in t'league 1 play off final t'other day.... Sorry I can't keep this up as the spell-checker's 'aving t'frigging apoplexy.

This is just a short posting to mirror the very first posting I did on this blogsite in which I showed a remarkable lack of sympathy for Leeds being deducted 15 points and being relegated to Div 1. Of course they had try to cheat their way out of relegation but for once the League weren't to be duped. And although I had forecast dirty Leeds to wipe out those deducted points and to achieve promotion this year, I was not unhappy to see them fail at the final play off to Yorkshire rivals Doncaster Rovers. That's because I'm from Lancashire and it's in our DNA to enjoy Leeds' struggles, and for Leeds to lose such an important match to hitherto local nobodies would have hurt real hard. Also my good friend and colleague SI is a big Donny fan in exile (in fact he's the only person I've ever known who supports the team) so I was pleased for him. Following Blackpool (amongst others) I know what's it's like for a small club to achieve some success.

Of course my good friend JW won't be happy. He's a keen Leeds fan and it doesn't seem that long ago that I went as a guest of his to Elland Rd to watch Leeds play Roma with Totti up front et al. From Totti to Donny seems an apt way to sum up Leed's plight in recent years. I'm sure they'll be back but let's enjoy t'moment reet new.

pp

So Avram Grant gets the sack. We forecast it months ago but he's lasted longer than I ever imagined. It never was going to be an inspired appointment, although that's how Kenyon and Buck tried to present it at the news conference to announce his appointment as Chelsea manager. He was following in the footsteps of the most successful manager in Chelsea history, Jose Mourinho, the self-anointed 'special one'. But he came in as a friend of Abramovitch having, it is said, been active in undermining Jo-Mo's position at the club whilst Director of Football (a position JM thought was unnecessary). The players never really took to him - referring to him as Avram Can't. Several, including the influential Drogba, openly flaunted their disappointment over the Mourinho sacking ( and by inference their disenchantment with his successor). Not a good start...

Henk ten Cate was brought in as his number two for reasons which escape me since they had a fine assistant there already in Steve Clarke. If the players disliked Grant's quiet, reserved and dour personna after the flamboyance and self-confidence of Mourinho, they absolutely hated Cate's abrasive style (didn't Terry and he square up on the eve of the Carling Cup Final?). Cate became less of an influence over time which I guess allowed grant the space to become his own man. He brought in two players in the January transfer window; some unknown guy who hasn't yet played in the first team and le sulk himself, Annelka. It could and perhaps should have been the transfer coup of the year but no doubt fearful of upsetting the other drama queen Drogba, Grant has selected Annelka on an occasional basis and then asked him to play in a wide role, unsuited to his abilities and his temperament (star or nothing). Annelka's confidence and interest has been plummeting ever since and reached its inevitable nadir with that fluffed penalty in the Champion's League final shoot-out. And speaking of which, word is seeping from the camp that Grant's pre-match speech before last week's final was nervy, incoherent and uninspiring. All those meaningful looks from the touchline were nothing more than a cover for a guy who didn't know what to do tactically.

And yet...he came as close as any manager can to actually seeing his team win the biggest club competition in world football; one slip and it was gone. He also pushed a Man U side (who Sir Alex has said is the best reds team he's ever managed and possibly the best ever) to within a whisker of the Premiership title and taken Chelski to another Carling Cup Final. If this had been Benitez they would be calling it a magnificent achievement. But Grant has never had his admirers in the team, amongst the fans nor in the media and no-one's giving him much credit, except himself. He seems to me like a guy who was in the right place at the right time and got a top job, that was ultimately too big for him. A classic case of over-promotion. But he himself seems to believe his track record is good enough to get him another top job somewhere. Well, maybe Avram but I'd think seriously about a return to the role of Director of Football somewhere - get your money for nothing (and your chicks for free).

So what now and more importantly who now at Chelsea? Rijkaard - not sure, maybe's he's in need of a break. Mancini - could be. SG Eriksson - surely he had his chance and passed. Hiddink - think Abramovitch likes him out of the media spotlight in Russia. I sense that they'll clear out all the management team and start again with some role for Zola almost certainly. He could make an excellent assistant to Mancini but a more inspired move might be to have him partnering Mark Hughes instead. It's hard to second-guess Abramovitch at this sort of thing. However one thing's very clear; whoever comes in will be in charge of a huge clear-out of players in the summer. I reckon 11 or more could leave (with quite a few coming in to replace them of course). In that case maybe the Russians should be sounding out old 'arry Redknapp - possibly the only guy who could teach Abramovitch a thing or two about wheeler-dealing.

Could be a fun summer down the Bridgski.

pp

Well first blog in a few days after yet another computer malfunction, but what a subject; Man Utd's epic victory over Chelski FC in their Russian homeland. It was quite a match eh? Far better than recent dour encounters between the two teams. Thrilling, open, compelling and with twists and turns right through to the end. Key moments for me were:

- great first goal from Ronnie Ronaldo - just about the best headed goal I've seen in ages. He mullahed Essien in that first half

- the reds should have been 3 up by half time but for great saves from the bouncing Cech

- a great second half from Chelski who were clearly the more impressive side after the break.

- more great action in extra time with both sides having match-winning opportunities

- for once my side win a penalty shoot-out after all these years. Shouldn't Ronaldo have been asked to re-take his? I was sure Terry was going to miss and sometimes you do get what you wish for, including a German losing a shoot-out for once. Oh ja. My only regret is that the Dog wasn't there to miss the final kick instead of le Sulk.

- Joe Cole was a pain in the arse all night and did anybody think the Dog was hard done to with the sending off? Not me; big frigging girl. I didn't see him in the post match activities - he's on his way to N Italy methinks pdq.

- I thought Tevez was awesome up front but the MotM for me was Ferdinand; surely his finest ever game for the Reds?

- is that the end for Grant and ten Cate? Surely a big clear-out at the Bridgeski this summer. Mancini or Rijkaard in?

- glorious victory for Sir Alex who's been bullish all week - surely (again) this is the best ever side he's created. A fitting tribute to reflect the 50th anniversary of the Munich air crash.

- nearly finally I thought that pitch did well to hold out for all that time in atrocious conditions given that they only finished laying it yesterday - maybe they could move it to Old Trafford .....

- really finally, I was delighted to see the old snake-oil Kenyon leading the beaten Blueskis up the steps to receive their losers' medals. David Gill must have looked on with great pride especially as Kenyon looked like a lizard in his soaking wet suit. How close are Chelski to overtaking Man U as the biggest football brand in the world Peter? F*ck me they might not even be the biggest football team in W London in three years time.

So there we are Man U are double winners again and it's the big double. We watched it with full Italian commentary and it seemed just as, if not more, glorious. Great season if you're a red, a Pompey or Spurs fan. Bad time to be a Gooner, Scouser or Chelski-ite. Next year eh fellas?

Once again (and just for my personal pleasure) here's the moment Mr Kenyon when the European Cup said Moscow!

Thanks to Russ for the image. Lovejoy!

pp

Well as an antidote to the last posting, I can only just say woo hoo to the news that Man U defeated Barcelona 1-0 tonight to reach the final of the Champions League. Bring on Russia FC or the Scousers. It doesn't matter now, it has to be Man U's year. I tried to watch the game online but it was hopeless. Spookily the only bit I saw in real time and in glorious uninterrupted unbuffered action was Scholes' sublime goal. And what a beauty (my dream is for my grandson S to become the next ginger genius in a few years time)  -  just like many of the goals I used to  score at 5 a-side (joke right). Perhaps the goal I dreamt about scoring... Who cares? It's Moscow in a few weeks time and I promised Mike and Jake two tickets if we got there. Oops

pp

Groan...why oh why does Sir Alex (Queiroz?) insist on picking sides to try and play tactically? All they needed today was a draw to effectively seal the Premiership title. So, of course, he makes 6 changes from the last match and picks a side designed not to lose. Always fatal. Fergie and Queiroz just can't do it. Or at least the team can't. It's not in Man U's DNA to play for draws; their instinct is to attack with thrilling pace and to scare the crap out of lesser teams with the quality of their attacking play.

Players like Rooney, Tevez, Ronaldo, Nani, Anderson, Gigg were bought (or groomed) because of their scoring instincts. Expecting any of them to hold out for a 0-0 or 1-1 is counter-intuitive to them and it shows. What's the problem Fergie - go all out for the win and if it comes off Premiership secured. Now pressure's back on. You've created squeeky bum time for your self. And a bloody German scores a penalty in a critical match to beat us. No change there then.

My other sides didn't fair much better. Boro' lost to Sunderland and are still in danger of being relegated, especially as the other sides down the bottom are hitting some form. Fulham's come-back today was stunning. I always fear teams who are hitting momentum this time of year. Boro's form just seems to have disappeared since the Man U game. They only seem to play well against the top sides.

Blackpool had a heavy 3-0 defeat and from looking secure two games ago, they now find themselves getting sucked into the relegation quicksands again. I'm not sure the club would recover from dropping down into the dark side again.

Watford who I'm representing on the sponsorship front are just in an awful slough of form. Losing at home to an already-relegated side isn't the way to end the season. From being certs for automatic promotion some months ago they are desperately clinging onto a play-off place. Thank goodness Crystal Palace's form is equally erratic.

Meanwhile Millwall secured League 1 survival with a big 3-0 win today. My mate JP will be v happy tonight, probably for the first time this season. It must have been grim to be a Lions fan this year. Those days of the Cup Final and flirtation with the play offs to the Premiership seem like a million years ago. That was their moment and they blew it. Now they just seem to change ownership and Chairmanship even more rapidly than the managership. That's a recipe for a club heading towards the exit door.

So a not very good day for my teams. At least MK Dons got promotion. If I was still living in Buckingham I might just have gone to watch them next season. Nah...

pp

I thought Man U looked all out of shape. Rooney was out wide and ineffective, Tevez played too deep, Hargreaves wasted at right back - he was desperately needed in midfield, Carrick totally ineffective, Ronaldo tied up down the middle, Park did his headless chicken stuff once again. It looked like a team designed to stifle Barca, which to be fair it largely did, rather than a team sent out to frighten the life out of a Barcelona side playing with little confidence. As such it had all the hallmarks of a Carlos Quieroz-inspired team selection; highly tactical but less than impressive. Let's hope it's back to normal at Old Trafford. Too much respect guys.

So I hear that the prick McClaren is to be paid handsomely to be a BBC media pundit at Euro 2008. He completely f*cks up our chances of qualifying from a relatively straightforward Group, gets sacked from his job for delivering not just failure but abject football and incomprehensible selection criteria, receives a king's ransom pay-off of £2.5m for doing so and is now to be appointed by our national broadcaster to offer informed comment on the players and teams he was unable to beat with a golden generation of England players. Is it just me? 

I forecast that this prick would end up a media johnny at the BBC just like that other useless prat Graham Taylor. What on earth did these guys ever do to justify ponticating to us on how things should be? I read more intelligent and insightful opinion on blogsites every single day. Hey BBC check out some of this fan commentary sometime and maybe just one day we'll get an objective, genuine and passionate view on our great game for a change.

I've nothing against Mc Quiff earning a living but just think he should try and redeem his reputation in a football context (ha!). I read that the best and most under-rated England manager of the last 10 years or so (granted it was mostly, but not exclusively at u21 level), Peter Taylor, is working hard at Stevenage B at the moment. Good on yer PT. Never mind all this 'oh I could only do it at Premiership level with a chairman who is as progressive as me' bullshit, here's a guy who's done really great work at lower level clubs and doesn't mind getting down where it hurts. Watch and learn McQuiff.

Finally I hear that Cesare Prandelli, manager of Italian club Fiorentina, has been complaining about the state of the Rangers pitch in advance of tonight's EUFA cup match. I'm sure this is the guy who wears the most inappropriately tight-fitting puffa jackets like the one below. He's 51 and wears stuff more suited to 14 year-old girls. I just think the Rangers fans should know....  

Football eh...bloody hell!

pp 

ps I watched the match over here. It was as grim as the night's before action but did you see Cesare in his jacket? He looks like Frank Worthington trying to dress like Danny Zuccho. Give it up Ches...

- Pesky Heskey for scoring that late equaliser last night against Russia FC. They've doggedly pursued Man U but I can't see them overhauling the reds now. Good on yer Emile (that's twice this year you've brought a smile to my face)

- Avram 'Hannibal' Grant. I was sure he was dead man walking when Chelski were playing that crap football earlier in the season and they recruited Henk ten Cate as his assistant on apparently double Grant's salary. But to be fair he has kept Russia FC in the title chase, in the semis of the Champions League with an opportunity to avenge the defeat to Liverpool and he's matched Mourinho's Premiership first season points achievements (minus a trophy of course) and maintained their undefeated home record. That's not bad for a guy nobody rated. Of course it could all go tits up before season's end but let's not be churlish.

- King Kevin. Yep I've been slating the guy quite a bit since his 3rd coming, doubting whether he had anything in him as a decent manager any longer. I was forecasting possible relegation for the Toon and KK's dismissal but he's turned it around. 3 wins and a draw in their last 4 matches are not to be sniffed at and they have rescued the season. I still think that game against Fulham was a clincher. If they'd lost that I reckon a deep fog would have descended on the Tyne but they won the game - KK's first victory and the spirit and the confidence returned instantly. He's got a huge re-bulding job to do there and he'll never recruit some of the best players in the world again (well that's Dennis the Menace's job now) but he's got them going in the right direction.

- now that Newcastle have steadied the ship, I think a big hand is deserved for Messrs Hicks, Gillette, Parry and Benitez for turning a great club into the Premiership's latest circus. It's like watching the scouse version of Phoenix Nights. The co-owners detest each other and one wants the Chief Executive to resign. The CE hates working for the Americans and is trying to do a deal with the Dubai consortium he thwarted in the first place. The manager distrusts the CE and believes the owners don't understand football at all. The owners and the CE don't rate the manager and tried to tap up another guy for the role who's never managed another club in his life. First Leeds, then Newcastle and now Liverpool. Such fun - unless you're a hapless fan of course, in which case it must be a living nightmare. It only needs that dodgy Chairman of Man City to get extradited for corruption and embezzlement for the next Billy Smart's to be created. Don't you think the FA or the Gov't should start to consider the possibility of denying overseas entities the opportunity of owning our major football clubs? I don't know how you prevent it when clubs are publicly traded companies but it needs to be considered IMHO.

- Gareth 'Jumpers' Southgate. I'm starting to think he's got the makings of an excellent manager. As ever hats off to Steve Gibson for his foresight and backing. Mind you he did also appoint Steve McClaren as manager which just proves that you can't be right all the time.

- Paul 'camcorder' Jewell for showing the Derby fans that going down isn't all bad.

pp

pp

What did you think about the Liv/Arse tie? Lots of stuff over here emanating from the Arsenal camp about the unfairness of the penalty decision compared with the stonewaller in the first leg denied to them. I don't know. Overall I thought Liv were the better side and deserved it. There's a lot of gnashing of teeth from down the Holloway Rd but it looks to me that the season's petering out is much to do with Arsenal and Wenger's  own management failings. I know this sounds like heresy but I genuinely think Wenger's mismanaged this season. That beautiful football has been undermined by lack of forward planning.

Take a look at Man U. I know they are my side but Ferguson's been on top form in the transfer market this last year. He secured Tevez after much faffing because he saw how effective the little tooth monster was. Did he desperately need him? No but he was evident class and better than Alan Smith, who could be sold for a decent wedge. Then in the summer he bought Hargreaves when he had Carrick, Nani when he had Giggs and Anderson when he had Scholes. More money than sense? It doesn't look like it now. As the season's drawing to its conclusion, Man U have 'far more energy' this year as Ferguson puts it; in other words a deeper squad of better quality players. Last night they played  the second team in Italy without Rooney, Ronaldo, Scholes and Vidic and won comprehensively, even with that first leg advantage.   Can you imagine Arsenal taking on the same side, even with a 2 goal advantage without say Fabregas, Toure, Adebayor and Van Persie? It's inconceivable that they would do it with any confidence. 

To me it looks like Ferguson's watched Mourinho and has been building a second team to match and out-do Russia FC, knowing as the Special one did that pursuit of the FA cup and the Champs league calls for a deeper squad these days because of the physical demands on the players. Look at Utd's first team; it's as good as any team in the world right now:

                                                           Van der Saar

               Brown                        Vidic                       Ferdinand                  Evra

                                                       Hargreaves

                   Ronaldo                              Scholes                            Giggs

                                                                             Rooney

                                                   Tevez

But now look at the second team:

                                                            Foster/Kuszczak

              Neville                            O'Shea                        Pique                         Silvestre

                                                                 Carrick

             Park                                Fletcher                          Anderson                  Nani

                                                                       Saha

It's really not a lot behind. As a separate team they'd probably  finish in the top 6 in the Premiership. The key thing is that all the players have featured regularly in the first team without the hideous rotation sytem employed by Benitez earlier in the season, and can slot in easily to fill gaps caused by tiredness, injury and suspension.

But look at Arsenal, I don't believe their second team is anything like as good. Everyone knows they have great kids coming through (better than Utd's) but they aren't first team standard as yet. After the Emirates was completed the Arsenal board took great delight in informing the world that their revenues were ahead of expectations and purred at telling the story that the manager had something approaching £100m at his disposal but had declined to spend it. The team were playing glorious football and somewhere at the top of the Premiership. But the team have run out of steam and that lack of investment has probably menat no more silverware for yet another year at least. You look at the  team and realise they need cover in the striker position, in midfield and at centre half. Why didn't they buy Anelka - a snip at £15m or Woodgate when available? Wenger admits to looking at Torres but considered the price too steep. Well that £24m looks a decent price now given his impact in English football. And he had the money available... 

Now they are going to have to chase the market and they are at least 4 purchases behind Man U, 2 behind Liverpool and surely the Abramovitch purse strings will be loosened again this summer as a team re-structuring is undertaken. So I think Wenger's been caught out by his financial caution. His team look out on their feet and perhaps the likes of Fabregas will be thinking about moving somewhere less draining and more successful sooner than everyone anticipated. I wouldn't blame him. The beginning of the end for a great manager?

pp   

But the most telling comment was provided by Italian tv news reports this morning. They've been covering French President Sarkozy's visit to the UK with his glamorous new wife quite extensively (they're intrigued by the thought of the two shagging away at Windsor Castle with the prim Queen and Prince Philip listening to them groaning away, down the corridor) and the match against France provided an obvious reference angle. Well this morning we were treated to the match highlights from England's perspective - it consisted of one weak header from Rooney and a sort of goal mouth scramble involving Beckham who seemed 14 light years away from actually scoring. That was it. Meantime Anelka and Ribery stole the highlights show.

Wholesale changes from Capello at half time, followed by Beckham's substitution after 62 ineffective minutes meant the honeymoon's over for the new manager pretty quickly. Let's face it France are a very good team but their side consists of many players our top players would have come across in the Premiership/Champions League/EUFA Cup but it sounded like England played as if they'd come across a team from a superior sporting planet. The adventurous 4-2-3-1 formation was abandoned for the familiar 4-4-2 in the second half but to no real effect.

So David's got his century of caps and maybe he deserves to be in the same company as Moore, Wright, Charlton and Shilton. I certainly think he's been a good and committed captain who appreciated the honour of the role but he's given too many below-par performances for me largely because he was selected when patently unfit by managers in awe of his presence. He can still cross a ball beautifully but I dare say Hoddle can still hit a pass 40 yds and land it on a sixpence. It's the total game package which matters and it seems that Beckham hasn't got the legs and engine to play at this level any longer. That's no disgrace but maybe now we can all move on. The look seems to say it all.....

pp

ps if it's any consolation the Italy v Spain match wasn't much cop either but did you see the David Villa goal? What an absolute belter. Have you seen a better one this year? Lovejoy!