Delightfully phrased. I'd be happy to accept the invitation to the lunch party. But please tell me what that food is on the knife at far right? It is definitely a taste which I has not tasted until now.

Think this beverage is a best-seller?

There are more excellent examples of misbegotten food names in this blog post Robert Franson of Troynovant happened across . . . knowing of my penchant for this sort of thing he kindly sent the link! I've had intimations before that certain mushrooms could be narrow-minded, so I'm glad to have finally found proof of this fact with the photo displayed.

The food is Russian. The closest I've ever gotten to Russian food in Russia was in 1989 with Czech food which was pretty weird stuff because the menus were really long and complicated but no matter what you ordered you'd get ham in some form, just moved around on the plate a little differently to justify giving it a different name. I even had some East German ham that year.

But Russian food is not all composed of narrow-minded mushrooms - and if there is any lingering doubt in your mind as to that fact, Darra Goldstein's book The Georgian Feast will convince you. The eggplant recipes alone are worth reading the book for - far from narrow-minded or mediocre, they are exemplary!

Must run now. It feels important to check the fridge to be sure there is no cheat-fish hiding in the corner.

From Peanut Butter and Pastrami Pangs lead to Pot Arrest:

Roxbury Township police became suspicious when two New Mexico residents said they drove to New York for peanut butter and pastrami.

Maybe these guys were really looking for this shop:

BERLIN (Reuters) - Police closed down a Berlin sweet shop after discovering the owner was selling chocolates and lollipops laced with hallucinogenic mushrooms and marijuana.

And ears of French corn cause some trouble in the Albanian Parliament:

"I told them these objects were not allowed in and blocked the door, but they hit and punched another officer," guard commander Arben Nika said in a statement after the tussle with two opposition legislators on Thursday.

Could they really have been trying to carry in something like this?

Because that certainly would have given me cause for alarm too.

I'm not sure what to think of all this, really. I need a drink. Let me go have a glass of some of this

and some of these crackers too

Because really, it's all about the Happy Time. :)

Should I order the Black Pepper Cowboy Bone?

I don't know. The Plain Abalone Buttons Up the Duck sounds sooooo goood!

This week, I've found what might just be the real reason Gwyneth Paltrow chose to name that little one who sprung forth from her loins, Apple Blythe Alison Martin. Yes, I know the official word is that she named the tot Apple because apples are whole, sweet and crisp, but rumour has it that Gwyneth, while recuperating from the long labour and birth, was presented with a fruit basket by former bff Madonna... and in it was this little gem.

For some reason, after that... she couldn't think of another name that seemed to 'fit'.

I have a feeling this apple (yes I know some will see it and think it's a potato, but I insist... it's an apple. Honestly, do you really think Madonna would visit Gwyneth Paltrow and bring her a potato basket) will inspire many of you... in many additional ways, and that makes this old fracas very happy indeed.

As is per the custom with the Friday Food Porn postings, I shall provide you with a lovely recipe to go along with this week's food porn choice. Keep this recipe handy so that if you should happen to have occasion to receive a fruit basket from Madonna, and it contains an apple such as this one, you can just cook it up instead of subjecting the fruit of your  loins to going through life named Apple.

Apple-Cherry Fruit Spread

Servings: Makes 1 1/2 cups
Nutrition Information: Protein: .06g; Fat: .08g; Carbohydrate: 3g; Fiber: .4g; Sodium: .02mg; Cholesterol: 0mg; Calories: 11

Ingredients:
3 Fuji apples, peeled, cored, and coarsely chopped
1/2 cup dried cherries
1/2 cup fruit juice or water
1 cinnamon stick
1/2 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest

Method:
1) In medium saucepan, combine apples, cherries, fruit juice, and cinnamon stick. Cover and bring to simmer over medium heat; cook 15 minutes, stirring frequently. Uncover and reduce heat to low; cook 15 to 20 minutes longer or until apples are very soft but retain their shape.

2) Remove cinnamon stick. Add lemon zest to apple mixture. In blender or food processor, puree apple mixture until chunky spread forms. Cool completely. Chill before serving. Store in refrigerator.

I'm pretty sure none of these folks ever received a fruit basket from Madonna, but I do know that a few of them will understand how this is usually the apple of someone's eye!

[Image Source]
[Recipe Source]

Movie trivia: What movie is the inspiration for this epic candy battle?

A bigger picture can be found here: http://cinnybear.wordpress.com/files/2008/04/lord-of-the-rings-the-last-battle.jpg

I can't remember where I got this picture but is this not the most amazing candy battle ever? Look at the detail!

and I finally am! Recipes coming soon.

Tshirt compliments of Deanius.

It's about fruits and vegetables...we all know how important it is to include them in our diet. So how can I make my kids want to eat them?

Sincerely,
Pea-Pushing Parent

Dear Pea Pusher,

Before I offer my suggestion, I’m going to give you some typical answers to this question--and why they won’t work.

READ MORE AT SUBURBAN SCENE.NET

Eggs will have advertisements on them soon - how weird and tacky will this be?  The ad will be stamped on the shell - this is the one being promoted by the vendor, "Crack the case with CSI."

A new heat sensitive sticker will enable eggs to tell when their interiors are hard cooked, soft cooked, etc.  Oh please, is it that hard to do?

On vendor now selling a "Golden Egg Machine" promises that the shelf stable product will be a big hit in stores.  Gave out samples.  Ouch!  The rubbery yellow egg white had inside it - you guessed it - a green ring around the yolk.  Tasted the thing - it stays with you a long time!  The machine cooks the eggs for a solid 24 hours.  The idea came from Korean steam rooms where they lay eggs around to cook and be eaten - or something like that!

And finally, my favorite and no doubt a precursor of a new trend:  Bolonga is back!  This announced on a sign in NC along Interstate 85.  Yes the fried bologna special at this restaurant ($3.99 for the platter) heralds a new day for these sliced rounds. No doubt the spelling error came from the excitement!

Start spreadin’ the news--
I’m leaving today.
Trans fat’s no longer welcome in New York, New York.

I want to wake up in a city that sells good eats;
To find a cream puff (cheese-filled),
Marbleized meat.

These “handles of love”
May soon melt away…
I’ll make a brand new start of it--me and my fork.

If I can’t eat it there
I’ll eat my cake elsewhere.
Goodbye to you, New York, New York!

Guess that’s what happens when you nickname your city “The Big Apple” instead of “The Big Éclair.”

Remember those “speakeasies” that popped up during the 1920’s prohibition of alcohol? Bet we’ll start seeing that sort of thing in NYC for trans fat social eaters. I can see it now…

The sign on the restaurant reads “Jacque’s French Cuisine Health Haven,” but regular patrons know that if you order the “Les Batons de Pomme de Terre,” you get a mound of french fries loaded with partially-hydrogenated goodness. Ask for “Les Cercles de Bonté,” and you get a plate of trans fat-intensive chocolate chip cookies. And “Le Seau d'abondance” is simply a tub of shortening with a spoon. One day, a wary waiter approaches a table with an unfamiliar face…

Waiter: Bonjour! May I take your order?

Patron: I hear you serve trans-fatty foods.

Waiter: No, Monsieur! Jacque’s serves only heart-healthy foods cooked in light--

Patron: Look, I need a fix, and fast. Gimme a carrot cake with a generous topping of cream cheese icing---easy on the carrots.

Waiter: You are mistaken, Monsieur! We absolutely do not--

Patron: Here’s twenty bucks. Keep the change.

Waiter: You want fries with that?

And don’t think it will stop with trans fat. It won’t be long before we’ll start seeing news stories like this…

City of New York to Ban “Death Drops”

NEW YORK - First it was trans fat; now the New York City Board of Health has set its sights another food danger: peppermints.

New York City restaurants have until July 2007 to phase out these candies which, according to Board officials, pose a significant choking hazard.

“We’re not talking about those small chalk-like chewy mints,” says Health Commissioner Gary Nayschen. “I mean the red and white hard candy disks. After-Dinner Airway Plugs, we at the Board of Health call them.”

Restaurants are encouraged to consider alternatives to the traditional bowl of peppermints by the cash register. Suggestions include offering raw okra pods, “fun-size” boxes of raisins, or sprigs of cilantro tied with tiny festive ribbons.

“They could even provide finger bowls of baking soda at each table, if patrons are concerned about post-dinner breath odor,” says Nayschen. “Just lick your finger, stick it in the baking soda and ‘brush’ your teeth. Then swish and spit into your table spitoon. Sure, you may feel a little awkward at first, but not as awkward as having a waiter grab you to perform the Heimlich maneuver, I’d be willing to bet.”

Nayschen holds up a T-shirt. “It’s part of our campaign to spread the word about the new ordinance,” he explains. “All of us at the Board of Health will be wearing them tomorrow. It says, ‘No More Peppermints--We’re Not Choking.’”
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So start spreadin’ the margarine, New York--at least while you can. And you might consider stocking up on peppermints. Just in case.