The thing about this TV is that it is one of those new ones which is not really a square but quite a long rectangle.  The interesting thing is that the square picture is stretched to fit in it, so everyone on TV looks quite pleasingly plump.  I have decided that I am not going to fix it.  I am just going to let all those TV people look like regular sized people on the street.  Yes, in fact, I think I might just buy a few more of these TV's so that everything I watch is skewed by width.

Being overweight strongly influences ones life. A disturbed relationship with food, ones looks, and ones weight often have a serious impact on a lot of areas of daily life, for example health, work, studies, and relationships.

This is a translation* of the first paragraph in an information folder for an "obesity" treatment program that I picked up today. The program is offered by the public mental health agency where I get treated for my depression. When I picked up the folder I was pretty sure that the content would make me angry and upset - and of course I did get angry and upset reading it. The assumption in the first paragraph alone - that all "obese" people have a disturbed relationship with food - is infuriating. Yes, there are people like me who are fat AND who have an eating disorder. Yes, in some cases that eating disorder might be binge eating disorder and might have contributed to their high weight. But "obesity" (i.e., fatness) itself is not an eating disorder. At the most it can be a symptom.

Of course things didn't get better. Here is the authors' definition of "obesity":

Obesity means serious overweight, usually as a result of long lasting attempts to lose weight followed by weight regain (yo-yo effect). Sometimes affected people binge eat, but in most cases there is a urge to eat continuously the whole day long. The drive to eat has become habitual and resembles an addiction. Because of being overweight many people have physical health problems.

The only good thing I can say about this paragraph is that they acknowledge that weight cycling is a problem. But again - all or at least most "obese" people binge eat or compulsively overeat? Where is the proof for that statement? And then there is the hint concerning food addiction... I am still waiting for convincing proof that over-eaters are addicted to food in the way other people are addicted to drugs.

Basically, the text continues in the expected way... the goals of the program are explained, and there is talk of "normalizing eating patterns" as well as of "increasing physical activity". One of the few positive things in there is that "realistic weight loss" is listed only as a possible long-term goal. However, this does not erase the stale taste that the rest of the content leaves me with.

I react very, very sensitive to things like this folder - particularly since it is published by an agency I rely on for help with my depression. For the most part, I have tried to keep my eating disorder out of my therapy sessions- exactly because I expect attitudes like the one displayed in this folder from most therapists. Previous experiences with my therapist whenever I mentioned binge eating or my rather problematic body image as well as the content of this folder unfortunately support this decision.

It is funny, the program described is obviously meant for binge eaters and compulsive over-eaters. I fall into that group. But by making the assumption that all or almost all people of my weight have an eating disorder this program becomes totally unsuitable for binge eaters in general in my opinion. Among other things, it signals that in this program weight loss is again seen as a sign of recovery while in reality weight loss has sometimes been a sign of worsening of my eating disorder in the past. It also means that it is unlikely that the organizers will accept that my body was meant to be heavier than average in the first place (although I probably would weigh less if I never had dieted or binged).

Also, saying that fat people's weight has an influence on their body image and their relationships (let alone their work and studies) completely leaves out the inconvenient truth that if fat people are indeed more likely to have problems in these areas of life it is probably because we are constantly told that our bodies are defective and undesirable, and that our weight is conclusive proof of our stupidity and lack of self-control.

Generally, it is in the nature of clinical psychology to treat the individual, not the system. Although societal conditions that damage people psychologically or physically certainly should be changed to prevent people from being harmed in the first place this is a functional short-term approach since societal change needs time and since the people that have already been hurt need help. But it is irresponsible to write about psychological and social problems, such as average low body image in a certain group, and not to mention that the problems don't occur due to the inherent defectiveness of the members of that group but due to how they are treated by society.

I am still looking for a program for fat people with psychological issues that does take into account how being fat might have contributed to the problems they experience while not stopping at the simplistic (and honestly, quite illogical) idea that being fat "caused" their problems. One cause of many of my problems - social phobia, binge eating disorder, and probably also depression - lies in how I have been treated in the past, and I was treated that way at least partially because of the attitudes people held concerning my fat body. Certainly, some personality traits contributed to how some experiences influenced me and those traits are partially the result of non-social, biological factors. Being fat is not one of those factors. Saying so, or even hinting at it, is victim blame, and it is an unprofessional thing to do for anybody working in the mental health field.

Maybe part of the problem of health professionals - mental and other - to accept that negative (and sometimes traumatic) experiences greatly contributed to my eating disorder and to my related problems has to do with the fact that they would have to acknowledge that people working in the health care system played a significant role in this context. Maybe it is too hard to accept that similar to their colleagues, they might hold attitudes that have influenced their work in a way that resulted in fat people being harmed. I do believe that most people working in health care have good intentions, however, sometimes good intentions make it harder to accept that some of the things you did in the past actually resulted in people getting hurt, not healed. Sometime in the future people will wake up - and I will stand there wondering how anybody can claim that "they did not know" when all the evidence what was going on was right there in front of their noses and when the same people treated me condescendingly whenever I told them about what I saw as problematic in their approach to my problems. I am not saying I am always right - but isn't it worth to consider that I might know what I am talking about?

I do believe that being fat can have negative consequences on health (although I believe that those possible consequences are usually reported in an exaggerated way). But being fat certainly does not directly influence the mental health of fat people - caregivers (and society's) attitudes concerning fatness and the resulting behavior, however, do.

*I am not really good at translating from one language to the other - so the translated bits might sound a bit awkward at times, but I promise they are very close to the original in both tone and content.

Tonight I'm going for a bike ride when I get home.  Whee!!  It's like being a kid again, I swear.  Then tomorrow, I have a long run with my group.  

Today I have really stuck to my plan, food-wise.  Gotta love it when that actually happens!  Tonight I think I'll make us little homemade pizzas.  Mmmmm...  with goat cheese.  My new favorite obsession. 

So on a serious note, my running buddy is training for a full marathon, and my plan is to train for a half.  But because I have a good enough base, I've been doing her long runs with her, which are longer than what my plan would call for.  I'm torn.  Should I stick with this?  And maybe even *gasp* attempt a full marathon?  She is also moved up to the next speed group in our training group.  She wants me to do that, too, and I'm feeling really unsure.  I'm not fast AT ALL.  And I feel bad when I'm the last one.  In the current group I'm with, I'm one of the faster (probably just more fit, really, so I can go further and longer) ones, and I never push myself, so I wonder if I should try.  Aaaaaaaaa.  Decisions.  I get that weird feeling where you know you suck at something and you are doing it in public, and you are going to look stupid...

She brought out the Kirstie Alley fat suit for her role in the movie 'My Mom's Hot Boyfriend' where her character goes from fat to foxxxay.

Movie sounds like a snoozer but I totally think she should keep the new look. At least that body matches those gigantor lip implants!

Instead, I give you this: My punk-rock makeover, courtesy of iVillage, inspired by Merry's efforts over at Cranky Fitness. I plugged in an old photo from 2004 when I was about 50 pounds thinner. Like, you can see some actual bone structure, woo!

Heh. I look like I should be a member of Jem & the Holograms.

Aside from the indigo hair, this isn't too far a cry from my general look in 2000.

Don't take this personal, but...

You're fat. (yes, I mean YOU)

You're so out of shape.

You sweat while doing absolutely nothing.

oh boy - my phone should be ringing off the hook any minute now!

You can't make it up a flight of stairs without gasping for breath.

You're so weak, you can't even open a pickle jar.

I can hear the cash register now... cha-CHING!

Is that your BMI or your I.Q.?

Stay away from the beach, you're making the tide come in, Tubby.

ummm... can I get $5 on the Powerball?

Oh, yes, indeed I do.

Some people who have seen me in real life think I look better than I really do. There are two trains of thought that follow this track. One, they are just being nice to me. Two, they are blind in one eye and can't see out of the other.

Last night, after a hard day's work and the mowing of two lawns (one at the house and a smaller one at the office), I didn't feel like cooking. I felt like sushi. I have bad wrists and my sushi sucks. I was hoping to be wined and dined at my favorite Japanese restaurant.

Mr. Demonic would have rather had something at home, but he agreed to meet me there. He had been riding his Harley all day and had that helmet head look going on. My Favorite Japanese Restaurant is nice, but it's not that nice. Besides, Koji, the owner, knows me from before when his dad owned the place. He wouldn't care what we looked like.

I was hot and sweaty after my grass-cutting expedition, so I took a shower. Then I attempted to don a cool top and jeans.

I was amazed to find out that all my cool tank tops are too small! These include some very nice ones that I had purchased at the end of last summer and had never worn. These included some that were not form fitting, but were rather loose.

They are now unfortunately all tight! I checked myself out in the mirror. Sure enough, I was all fatty and globulely.

I decided that after my sushi dinner, I was going to reform. So this morning I did ten minutes of yoga with the pretzel dude on the Oxygen Channel's "Inhale" Show. (That guy is a total yoga nutcase.) I would have done more, but I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack.

I'm going to eat fish and veggies for dinner, no cake.

Then I'm going to jump on my dusty elliptical machine and go until I pass out.

Globules! YUCK!

1. First here is a nifty tool for finding out just how clinically fat you are......it takes your body weight and your height and tells you if you are overweight, obese, or super obese....really a cool tool if you ask me. Body Mass Index
2. Next is a very important tool...it calculates your wast to hip ratio which will give you your risk for serious heart disease. Waist-to-Hip Ratio
3. last link for today, a little helpful tool to get you on your way to a healthy lifestyle....this will take where you are physically and suggests a good walking plan for you....very cool. oh, to get your heart rate, you can just walk the mile and then count the pulse on your neck for 15 seconds and then multiply by 4....it's a whole lot cheaper than getting a heart rate monitor. Rockport Walk Test. I have to walk the blue set.

In other news.....I watched this show on BBC America yesterday called "What Not to Eat" where a woman goes into someones life and monitors what they have been eating and doing, she even looked at their poop....gross. Well, she makes some demands on what they will eat and gets them to work out. My point is, she had a family make a point to work out or be active for 20 minutes before they ate a meal. I think this is something that I can get behind, I could go out for a walk or go swimming before I eat each meal. It might cause a habitual thing and I would do it without thinking about it.
....note to self...
Running in real life is not like running in video games....taking out a knife does not make you run faster.....it just scares people.....

& The last day of First Aid Training is tomorrow. It's all exams and practicals. If we don't pass, we have to repeat the course. T___T I have to study bandaging more than the rest. And remember to let my elbows touch the floor during CPR.

& The UPCAT is in a week, and I feel so unprepared. One part is screaming for me to cram, the other's feeling disincentivized because I won't pass anyway. :| My mock UPCAT is on Sunday, from 8am to 12nn. I'm just going to read up on Science and review certain Math formulas. I wanna see how far I can go on stock knowledge, which is really the point of the entrance test.

& I was so out of it during Economics class. The heat was making me fall asleep. Good luck to me in college. :| Unless I go to DLSU. XD

& I received a letter today. It was addressed to my parents but it was only stapled closed so it wasn't confidential. I peeked inside and chuckled. Math remedials, haller. :-h So bad at numbers, so very bad at numbers. In ten sessions, I'm expected to catch up. Game, let's do this.

& I wonder if I have to take remedials for CSDC. I still don't have vigilancia duties, and it's been around two weeks since we started. :\ I don't think I did that bad in my practicals. Did I? :| I got to cite the handbook and the implementing guidelines once, and I even got the number of reports question right. So, idk. I don't want to take remedials since I have Math to think of and stuff, but I will if I have to. Sigh.

& I wanna work in advertising and marketing.

Ahem.

That is to say, of course: I am not obese anymore. This morning I weighed in at 191 lbs, and my BMI is officially under 30. Soon, probably tomorrow, I will be heading to Dillard's or Macy's to pick up a pair of these, or something like them, as my reward. I will also try to get a photo of myself sometime today.

This is a huge, huge, HUGE goal for me. I have been looking forward to this for a long time. Wow. (See the goals page for info on my next goal.)

Now, I'd like to take this opportunity to discuss the BMI (Body Mass Index), as some of you out there are no doubt peeved that I seem to put so much stock into the 0.1 point on this scale that separates the obese from the overweight. In fact, there are some of you out there who may think that the BMI might be better entitled the BSI - that is, the index of something else entirely.

For those of you new to this argument, wiki discusses both the uses and the limitations of the BMI scale. For those of you who have already formulated an opinion on the matter, allow me to explain myself.

I know that the BMI does not take into account different body types, how much muscle you have compared to fat, your age, or lots of other variables. I know that degrees of obesity and weight problems should only be measured on a person-by-person basis. I know that some bodies function better when they carry around more or less weight than others. I know.

But I also know this. There has to be a line somewhere. I've chosen the line drawn by the medical industry, and I've chosen it simply because I know that my doctor can no longer call me obese according to her own standards. Since I really am trying to lose weight for my health (more on this later), this seems like a logical place to start, and as good as any other.

And now that that spiel is done... I am so happy I could cry because I weigh 191 lbs omg!!!1! Ok. </fangirl flashback>

So, about my health...

I realized the other night that as much as I am concerned that I look good by the end of this (who would want to lose 71-81 lbs and still look flabby, after all?), I really am doing this for my health. I know, I know: I've been saying that the whole time. But you know, I didn't realize until recently that it was actually true.

I mean, think about it. In September of 2006 I got engaged. Around that time I probably weighed somewhere in the mid-190s (more than I do now, ha!) and was uncomfortable with my body image. But was I uncomfortable enough to lose weight, even considering the knowledge that I would be appearing in a wedding gown nine months later in front of all my friends and family, and considering that I would keep pictures of myself from that day for the rest of my happily-ever-after life? 

Nope, not. In fact, I gained weight between getting engaged and getting married. I gained weight between buying my dress and getting married. It was pretty difficult for the bridesmaids to zip me into that thing (a 16w, and that's before I gained the 25 lbs that put me at 230 on April 7th of this year), let me tell you. Body image has never been a good enough motivating factor for me, people. I just didn't have enough willpower to not eat what I wanted just because I thought I might look better. Who'd care if I looked better anyway, right?

And then this year I got scared. This year the doctor tested me for diabetes and a thyroid problem. This year I realized that if I didn't make the change voluntarily, I'd have to make it to save my own life later on down the road. It was a week after that - not a week after getting engaged or buying a dress or even getting married - that I got serious and went on SBD.

I guess the point of all that was just to pat myself on the back for not letting vanity be my motivator. Of course, it's not like my health couldn't have motivated me a little earlier... But that's beside the point.

Anyway, I know this post has gotten a bit long, but last but not least on the topics of conversation today: the blog makeover! Yes, the blog got a makeover because I know one is due for me fairly soon; if I look different, why not the blog? This week I've started having to toss out some pants and shirts that I've worn for the last time; they're simply so big on me now that they either won't stay up or make me look bigger than I am (never a good thing). I still have some of my smaller clothes that I'm getting back into, but these have definitely seen their last. And pretty soon... I will have to buy some new stuff. :)

Corn Syrup

This would be a voluntary ban mind you. The government has too much control of our lives as it is.

As a bonus,there will be more corn for real food and feed and the price of food might go down. We would all be less fat too.

Recipe Ingredients:

2 cups sifted cake flour
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
6 tbsp softened margarine
1 1/4 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp almond extract
1 cup sugar
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1/2 cup sugar-free strawberry jam
1 cup nondairy whipped topping

Recipe Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line two 8 inch round cake pans with parchment paper or waxed paper. Sift together the flour, baking powder and salt. With an electric mixer at medium speed, cream together margarine, vanilla and almond extract until fluffy. Gradually add sugar, beating constantly. Add egg; beat until mixture is fluffy. Then, stirring with a spoon, add the dry ingredients alternately with milk, stirring after each addition until batter is smooth.

Turn into the prepared pans. Bake 25-30 minutes or until done. When cool spread the strawberry jam between the layers. Spread whipped topping on the top. Store in refrigerator until just before serving. If you want you can add a drop of red food coloring to the whipped topping before putting it on top of cake.

Servings: 4

Basically, a few weeks ago, I was suddenly unable to write/delete any file from my Windows FAT share in openSUSE. I use Windows XP Home and openSUSE 11, and was having a generally good time with openSUSE, until this problem occurred. I still work extensively in Windows, and so file-sharing between Linux and Windows is crucial. (ps. on the whole, I don't try to mess with the NTFS partition unless I have to, so I have set up a FAT partition in Windows to better facilitate file sharing from Linux to Windows)

Anyway, for a while I was able to write to my Windows FAT partition, then suddenly, out of the blue, I could only "read" the FAT partition, but not write to it. This affected even my usb flash drives (though this problem mysteriously went away). I desperately tried everything, looking in the internet, enabling NTFS-3G, tried changing permissions etc... but nothing worked. For a while I used my office server to transfer files, but it was getting irritating.

So I did something I never do, I went to the openSUSE forum to send out an s.o.s. help request post.

Just to show how noobish I really am, I just couldn't figure out how to enter a NEW post... there was only a <replypost> button but to put a <newpost> I struggled in vain. Ultimately after a long time of frustration I suddenly found a button the sections column for <newpost>. In a sense, while I did feel foolish, I still felt that it should be easier to find where to submit a new post, perhaps also in the side-bar. But that's just me.

Anyway, thinking mine was a hardware query, I posted my first request for help there entitled Cant write on FAT and NTFS (FAT write stopped working)

I realised that the openSUSE forum was quite active, meaning there were many posts requesting help. But when I started browsing for the new queries of other users, I realised that it was quite easy for my post to just disappear from the latest problem. And I think that's what happened. for a few days there was no response to my query.

I decided to change my category and write a new post in the applications category of the forum. The new post was entitled: Please help: Can't write/delete FAT (even with SuperUser)

Interestingly, I found almost immediately responses in my "please help" query (perhaps it does help to have a catchy headline?)... and I must state that the help came from none other some senior members and the global moderator (Swerdna). Wow, that's big!

Anyway, I was quite impressed by such high-level interest in my small request... and we went about trying to fix the problem... as forums do best... through dialogue. And ultimately... a certain DoctorJohn was helpful in intuiting that there could be a problem in my Windows Partition that stopped me from writing to the partition.

I know it all seems obvious now... but when I was going through the turmoil... it was far from a pleasant obvious experience.

Anyway... for the final solution this is what I did... and here's the HOW-TO part of the post:
1. I made a backup of my vfat partition.

2. Then in openSUSE I did:

umount /windows/E

2b. which was followed by

fsck.vfat /dev/sda5
(as root using "su")

3. There seemed to be an error in bootsector of the partition and asked whether I wanted to copy from the original to the backup or back to the original. I tried both, but I wasn't able to fix anything "no files changed" message came up, saying that there was some error in certain files (it thankfully named the files).

4. I therefore went to Windows and deleted those files. And scheduled a boot-time scandisk.

5. Upon completion of the Windows scandisk I reverted to openSUSE and tried to delete a file from my FAT drive...

6. and yes... IT WORKED!!!

Better still, I went to the NTFS partition through ROOT (ie FileManager Super User) and found that I could even write/delete to/from NTFS files.

Back to my review of the openSUSE forum, incidentally just yesterday I found two replies to my query in the hardware section, again, one of the helps was from a senior member. I found that while the openSUSE forum help may not be immediate, it did seem excellent when the help did arrive.

As for structure, it was a little irritating that the forum has a time-out... and does not remember sessions (ie. you have to keep logging in... but it seems to be a Novell related issue... so no need to bother about that).

Also, the forum is primarily "need help" oriented... at least where I went... and I wonder how the people helping have the time to help everyone... especially since the people helping me were pretty senior people (one of them confessed to help me while typing on his cell-phone!)

Anyway, I must admit that considering this was my first help request in a forum, I was more than satisfied by the result. I did need to be patient (a virtue I don't always have), but for serious issues I know I'll head faster to the openSUSE forum in the future.

(ps. it must be said on the record that the problem was actually IN windows and not in openSUSE linux. In fact, I wouldn't have been aware of the problem unless I was using linux for the FAT partition)

My latest obese client was a joy.  Why?  Because I felt tiny in his arms and because even though his scale lied to me (it said I was a whopping 7lbs lighter!), I left his place feeling happier, lighter in mind and body and heavier in the pockets.

But do I do it just because of the money?  I walk in without judgment or snide comment, I turn up the ipod to his favorite music and dance around in my thong above him as he lays on his back.  Most of the time, I tell him to lay on his back.  Sometimes, guys who are wayyy heavier than me think for some reason that they would like to be 'on top' still.  I remember the first time I did this with another, being scared of being crushed.  We pass time with a massage, a happy ending, a bong hit and some Bob Marley.  He wasn't cheap or disrespectful.  What a perfect date as far as I'm concerned.

Sometimes, the stomach is so big that you can't even see the penis, but sometimes it's all good and normal despite the 6 pack of fat that hangs low like extra testicles.  This guy wasn't that obese.  I looked in his house and could see that he, like me, like many many others had been working on it.  He had a dusty treadmill and a scale.  I laid on top of him using deep breath and touch to establish trust and relaxation.  I felt like saying, man, do you know that people think that I am obese?  That I have body issues like you and that clients and strangers ask me "When is the baby due?" almost every OTHER day??  Sometimes, we can be perfectly fine with ourselves.  It's other people that fuck it up.

Yes, I fuck fat guys.  And old guys.  But once you have done sex work, your standards of beauty and weight in clients just slips away if you are in it to make a living.  Also--you realize that "fat" and "old" and "ugly" people like other people need sexy time too, and if you are professional enough to give them this time and have fun while doing it, then you will last in this work.

Berat badan 75kg atau 165.35 pounds, tinggi badan 165cm atau 5 feet 5 inch, umur gw 24.

Voila, im in obess. So my next target for next moths is dropping down weight to 70 kilos.

Padahal dulu pas SMA naekin berat badan ke 65 aja susahnya minta ampun... Tujuannya buruk kali yak, biar di pertandingan masuk kelas-kelas berat yang sedikit lawannya :P

Usaha sudah dimulai, dimulai dengan tidak makan malam, mohon dukungannya dengan tidak menyodorkan makanan yang berkadar gula, lemak dan tepung tinggi. Selanjutnya, kembali membiasakan jogging, stretching dan olahraga berat lagi. :D

Semangat!!

8888888888888888888888888888888888888

Sungguh sehat dari Mu tak ternilai.

Wealth is the ability of fully experiencing life. It is true that wealth will not make a person good, but there is nobody who wants to be poor, just for being good. And as Benjamin Franklin says "Wealth is not his, that has it, but his that enjoys it".

However, there is a tendency of large number of people to run after wealth. They work to gather more and more wealth. Inthe process they ignore their health. They do not take care in eating food at the right time. In the process of gathering more wealth, they also undergo a lot of stress.

So many people spend their health in gaining wealth and then spend their wealth to regain their health.

Money can buy a tonic but not health, we have to do a number of things to maintain our health . Now because of lack of exercises and proper food and stress the wealth may increase but health begins to suffer. It has been proved that overwork without care for health leads to a number of diseases. Disease like stomach ulcer, obesity are due to bad eating habits. Lack of exercises and stress leads to high cholesterol, Blood pressure and heart problems. So it is better to take care of your health.

If we have health, we probably will be happy and if we have both health and happiness we have all the wealth we need. Health and intellect are two blessings of life. Happiness lies first of all in health.

Mahatma gandhi says that it is health that is the real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

Taking care of one's health should be a continuous process. We should follow a routine of exercises and proper food. It is said that exercise if persued continuously help us to gain strength. We should also follow a diet that is beneficial for our health. Going on diet does not mean limiting your food. We should aim at improving the quality of our food intake.

Buddha says that the secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn the past but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. An Arabian proverb says that he who has health has hope and he who has hope has everything.

Scrisoare deschisa referitoare la situatia avortului in România

D-lui Eugen Nicolaescu, Ministrul Sanatatii

Spre stiinta,
D-lui Prof. Dr. Vasile Astarastoae,
Presedinte, Colegiul Medicilor din România

 
Stimate domnule Ministru,

Organizatiile noastre monitorizeaza de mai multi ani situatia avortului din România si, din datele pe care le au, reiese ca acest fenomen social contribuie la deteriorarea sanatatii femeilor si adolescentelor, la destabilizarea familiilor si la vicierea mediului social. Institutia pe care o conduceti, de altfel, are informatiile necesare pentru a avea imaginea reala a acestei situatii sociale complexe si credem ca are un rol fundamental in gestionarea ei in viitor.

Cazul fetitei insarcinate de 11 ani, Florina V., din judetul Neamt, care a avortat sarcina in saptamâna a 21-a, a scos in evidenta slabiciunile sistemului de sanatate din România. De aceea, având in vedere experienta noastra, ne facem datoria sa va expunem câteva probleme, care, lasate fara raspuns, vor accentua si mai mult drama avortului si implicit a sanatatii femeilor din România, care, cum stiti, are dimensiunile unuia dintre cele mai triste cazuri la nivel mondial.

Aceasta situatie, in primul rând, este o consecinta a legislatiei actuale privind avortul, care, dupa cum se arata intr-un comunicat al Colegiului Medicilor din România, este una dintre cele mai liberale legislatii din Europa. Din pacate, ea este expresia ignorantei generale cu privire la consecintele grave ale avortului, situatie de care se face vinovata, in primul rând, institutia pe care in acest moment o conduceti.
 
Populatia, in general, a putut afla doar punctul de vedere al institutiilor si organizatiilor internationale care promoveaza avortul si „dreptul la avort", in special din interese financiare si politico-ideologice . Este regretabil ca numai pozitia acestora a fost promovata de institutiile apartinatoare Ministerului Sanatatii. Ministerul Sanatatii se face vinovat, de asemenea, pentru faptul ca nu a institutionalizat, cu eficienta reala, consilierea femeilor inainte si dupa avort.

In acelasi timp, credem ca dvs. si colegii dvs., in mare parte medici, aveti datoria de a inlatura dezechilibrul din actuala legislatie, care, in cazul avortului, nesocoteste total drepturile embrionului si ale fatului. Exista reglementari actuale, cum sunt cele ale Consiliului Europei si ale Asociatiei Medicale Mondiale, care cer drepturi pentru embrion si fat, ca si pentru mama.

Aceasta pozitie, care, din fericire, a devenit din ce in ce mai cunoscuta, are la baza nu doar argumente morale sau religioase, ci adevaruri stiintifice de necontestat. Progresele din domeniul geneticii si tehnologiei medicale au facut posibila cunoasterea dezvoltarii embrionului si fatului. Embrionul sau fatul nu e o parte a mamei, ci o fiinta autonoma, o persoana ale carei drepturi trebuie respectate si care, in primul rând, are dreptul inviolabil la viata. Acest punct de vedere, de altfel, a fost exprimat intocmai de catre Colegiul Medicilor din România, organizatie profesionala, care poate garanta temeinicia argumentelor stiintifice, in domeniul medical, in România. De aceea, consideram ca este de datoria conducerii Ministerului Sanatatii sa-l impuna si la nivelul legislatiei privind avortul.

Actuala legislatie româneasca privind avortul promoveaza sarcina ca pe o boala. Textul legii in cauza precizeaza in mod direct acest lucru, iar indirect alimenteaza opinia ca sarcina este o povara sociala si, mai ales, o povara economica. Din punct de vedere medical, sarcina este o stare fiziologica normala, de aceea asa-zisa „terapie" prin avort este un argument fals si imoral. Din pacate, aceasta viziune rusinoasa pentru omul modern este sustinuta de legislatia româneasca in vigoare.

Consecintele acestei legislatii deficitare au inceput sa se resimta in mod dramatic. Avortul a devenit unul dintre fenomenele nefaste, care macina tot mai mult sanatatea femeilor, iar in ultima vreme si a adolescentelor, drept dovada sta cresterea numarului imbolnavirilor asociate (si) cu avortul. Institutiile de statistica medicala, aflate in mare parte in subordinea Ministerului Sanatatii, arata o crestere a ratelor de cancer de sân si cancer cervical la femei, date care ne situeaza printre cazurile cele mai nefericite la nivel mondial. Sindromul post-avort, a carui existenta este practic total ignorata in România, face ca numarul femeilor suferinde din punct de vedere psihic, cum arata statisticile din ultimii ani, sa creasca alarmant.

De aceea, consideram de datoria Ministerului Sanatatii sa conceapa strategii pentru informarea populatiei despre consecintele fizice, emotionale si psihice ale avortului asupra femeii. Consilierea fiecarei femei gravide care vrea sa faca un avort la cerere reprezinta dreptul ei la informare si la aflarea solutiilor si alternativelor la avort.

Avortul afecteaza nu numai femeile, ci si adolescentele. Numarul adolescentelor care fac avort creste an de an, vârsta avortului si a debutului vietii sexuale scade, iar numarul cazurilor de boli cu transmitere sexuala la adolescenti creste alarmant. Din pacate, toate aceste situatii, sustinute de toate datele pe care le aveti la dispozitie, sunt ignorate de reprezentantii Ministerului Sanatatii. Legislatia actuala a avortului reduce rolul parintilor si nu le permite sa se implice in aceasta problema.

Aceeasi situatie se petrece si in cazul educatiei sexuale in scoli. Pe lânga faptul ca parintii sunt exclusi, desi poarta responsabilitatea morala si financiara a copiilor lor, atât reprezentantii Ministerului Educatiei, cât si cei ai Ministerului Sanatatii, pun in aplicare programe de educatie sexuala care, cel putin, nu au eficienta. Ele sunt cópii ale unor „experimente sociale" din tarile occidentale, care au generat situatii dramatice. Astfel, studii academice au descoperit ca incurajarea sexului premarital prin "educatia sexuala" duce la cresterea numarului de sarcini neplanificate. Un exemplu nefast in acest sens este chiar Marea Britanie, tara cu cea mai mare rata a sarcinilor la adolescente din Europa Occidentala – totodata tara in care s-a „rezolvat situatia" adolescentei românce de 11 ani –, dar si tara de origine a organizatiei transnationale Marie Stopes, care profita de cazul citat pentru a cere... relaxarea legislatiei românesti!

In opinia noastra, strategia cea mai eficienta de a inlatura avortul, asa cum ne arata experiente de acest gen din SUA, este cea care se bazeaza pe educatia morala si etica, in rândul adolescentilor si tinerilor, precum si pe sustinerea femeilor.

Aceste cursuri de educatie sexuala trebuie sa vorbeasca despre valoarea vietii, a iubirii, a casatoriei si a familiei. Deocamdata, copiii, de la cele mai fragede vârste, primesc doar informatii biologice privitoare la sexualitate. In nici un caz nu pot fi sprijiniti astfel copiii, adolescentii si tinerii, pentru a avea o atitudine responsabila, logica si corecta fata de sexualitate si de functia procreativa.

Din nefericire, si reprezentantii Ministerului Sanatatii sunt responsabili de aceste viziuni trunchiate, incorecte si imorale despre sarcina, avort sau sexualitate, care au devenit moduri de viata pentru multi oameni. Statisticile pe care le aveti la dispozitie vorbesc de scaderea numarului de copii, despre destramarea familiilor sau despre dramele emotionale si afective ale adolescentilor si tinerilor.

De asemenea, Ministerul Sanatatii este responsabil de deteriorarea statutului medicilor din România. Actuala legislatie impinge medicii la avort, calcând peste principiul autonomiei profesiei medicale. Medicul este pus in situatia nu de a apara viata, ci de a o distruge. El este pus in situatia falsa de a trata sarcina ca pe o boala, sa faca „terapie" prin uciderea unui copil, sa uite de faptul ca, in cazul femeii insarcinate, are de-a face cu doi pacienti (cum ii arata stiinta) si, in ansamblu, sa nu poata aplica principiul cultivarii vietii si nu al mortii. Medicul, astfel, se vede decazut din statutul sau de aparator al vietii in orice stadiu al ei.

Revenind la cazul fetitei de 11 ani insarcinate, remarcam ca cei din conducerea Ministerului Sanatatii, ca organism al administratiei centrale, se fac responsabili de modul defectuos in care institutiile fundamentale ale statului au gestionat aceasta situatie. Asa cum se arata in comunicatul Colegiului Medicilor, din 25 iunie 2008, au fost exercitate presiuni, prin organizarea unei comisii interministeriale, asupra medicilor, pentru a forta efectuarea avortului in cazul acestei sarcini de peste 20 de saptamâni.

A fost de ajuns sa apara un caz neobisnuit, ca sa se ajunga la propuneri de a relaxa si mai mult, printr-o Ordonanta de Urgenta sau altfel, actuala legislatie privind avortul. Aceasta ne arata cât de vulnerabile sunt aceste institutii, iar hotarârile celor care le coordoneaza pot produce consecinte majore ce nu pot fi stinse in ani de zile.

De asemenea, in urma acestei triste situatii, a reiesit faptul ca, in România, nu se poate gestiona cazul unei sarcini avansate, survenite in urma unui viol. Este regretabil ca reprezentantii mai multor institutii importante ale statului – medici, juristi – nu au informatii despre efectele psihice ale unui avort in cazul unei tinere fete. Referintele medicale arata ca exista riscuri mari ca adolescentele care fac avort sa fie grav afectate psihic si emotional, fapt care poate merge pâna la suicid. Efectele avortului sunt la fel de grave ca cele ale violului. O femeie isi scoate greu din minte si suflet atât scena unui viol, cât si copilul avortat.

Cazul acestei fetite a atras atentia asupra modului ignorant si neomenesc in care este tratata o femeie (o adolescenta) insarcinata. Avortul, in multe cazuri, are drept cauza tocmai izolarea la care este supusa si lipsa de educatie din familie, care a devenit un fenomen social nociv, cu complicitatea guvernului. Sustinerea femeilor insarcinate trebuie sa vina si de la tatal copilului, de la familia ei, din mediul unde traieste si lucreaza, din partea institutiilor publice si, mai ales, a specialistilor.

De asemenea, a iesit in evidenta lipsa solutiilor pe care le poate oferi societatea noastra – Guvernul, mai ales – ca alternativa la avort. Acesti copii „nedoriti" pot fi salvati fiind dati in adoptie sau plasament familial temporar pâna li se gaseste o familie care sa-i adopte.

Regretam ca a fost total nesocotita propunerea Mitropoliei Moldovei si cea a celor 20 de asociatii crestine, unele dintre ele cu multi ani de experienta in rezolvarea cu succes a unor astfel de cazuri, de a acorda sprijin fetitei insarcinate si familiei acesteia.

Mai trebuie remarcat faptul ca adoptia la nivel national, cale prin care multi copii si-ar putea regasi afectiunea si fericirea unui camin, a fost compromisa prin complicitatea institutiilor statului, un rol important jucând Ministerul Sanatatii.

Pentru noi este de neinteles cum in România, unde sunt din ce in ce mai putini copii, unde domina starea de imbatrânire si „viziunea mortii", un reprezentant de seama al Guvernului, dna Theodora Bertzi, Secretar de Stat in Ministerul Muncii si Solidaritatii Sociale, fost sef al Oficiului Român pentru Adoptii, dezinformeaza populatia, afirmând incorect si in contra adevarului (Evenimentul Zilei, 6 iulie 2008), ca institutii precum „Consiliul European al Drepturilor Omului" sustin ca fatul nu ar avea drepturi. Având in vedere functia publica pe care o detine acum si mai ales cea pe care a detinut-o anterior, dna Bertzi se afla nu numai pe o pozitie imorala, ca femeie care ar trebui sa cunoasca drama femeilor din România, ci si in situatia de a fi acuzata pentru incompetenta sau dezinformare voita, câta vreme nu cunoaste sau ignora faptul ca tocmai Conventia Natiunilor Unite cu privire la Drepturile Copilului o contrazice, statuând: „copilul are nevoie de protectie si ingrijire speciale, inclusiv de o protectie juridica adecvata, atât inainte cât si dupa nasterea sa". De asemenea, dna Bertzi a atacat, violent si absolut inexplicabil, Colegiul Medicilor pentru ca aceasta institutie a exprimat, prin presedintele sau, dl profesor dr. Vasile Astarastoae, punctul de vedere al medicilor, punct de vedere pe care noi il sustinem.

Stimate domnule Ministru,

In calitatea pe care o avem - de organizatii care se ocupa cu monitorizarea situatiei avortului in România, de furnizori de servicii sociale, medicale, de asistenta, de consiliere psiho-pedagogica, de consiliere a femeilor aflate in criza de sarcina, de educatori, de organizatii care promoveaza drepturile omului - ne consideram parteneri sociali cu un interes deplin justificat in problema avortului, pe care o apreciem ca fiind una dintre cele mai tragice in evolutia României de dupa 1989.

Drept urmare, va solicitam ca orice eventual proiect de act normativ care priveste avortul in România sa fie supus unei dezbateri publice la care sa fie invitati toti factorii de raspundere, autoritati, institutii, reprezentanti ai organizatiilor neguvernamentale s.a.

Ne opunem categoric si cu tarie unei eventuale modificari a legii prin Ordonanta de Urgenta sau orice alt tip de act normativ, care ar eluda Parlamentul si dezbaterea publica. Totodata, tinem sa negam afirmatia aparuta in presa ultimelor zile, potrivit careia „societatea civila" ar sustine initiativa de a se modifica legea in sensul relaxarii conditiilor in care se poate face un avort in România. Folosirea termenului este abuziva, intrucât „societatea civila", din care fac parte si semnatarii acestei scrisori, este totalitatea initiativelor cetatenesti, si nu expresia unui grup restrâns de interese economico-ideologic e convergente.

 
Cu consideratie,

Asociatia Provita Media, Bucuresti - Larisa Iftime, presedinte (tel. 0726.679.460)
Federatia Organizatiilor Ortodoxe Pro-Vita din România* – George Ionescu, membru al Consiliului Director, tel. 0721377094
Fundatia Pro Vita Medica, Timisoara - dr. Cristina Valea, presedinte
Asociatia Provita „Sf. Brâncoveanu", Bucuresti - Marian F. Neagu, vicepresedinte, tel. 0747.494.568
Asociatia "Pro-Vita pentru nascuti si nenascuti", Filiala Galati - Sabina Munteanu, presedinte tel. 0722650423
Asociatia "Pro-Vita pentru nascuti si nenascuti", Filiala Calarasi - dr. Gabriela Florea, tel. 0745035224
Fundatia "Solidaritate si Speranta", Centrul „Infoadolescent" , Iasi - Lacramioara Paduret, tel.  0745.487.892 
Fundatia Iochebed, Brasov - Daniela Fagadar, tel. 0368449283; 0740875495
Asociatia „Darul Vietii", Timisoara - Gerda Chisarau, tel. 0721335704
Asociatia MAMA Miriam Hunedoara - Iuliana Moldovan, tel. 0354416911; 0727329713
Alianta Familiilor din România – Bogdan Mateciuc, director, tel. 0745783125
Pr. Emil Marian Ember
Mihaela Grigore, Pitesti.

 
* Federatia Organizatiilor Ortodoxe Pro-Vita din România are in componenta 12 asociatii si fundatii, dupa cum urmeaza:
- Asociatia "Pro-Vita pentru nascuti si nenascuti" Vǎlenii de Munte
- Asociatia "Pro-Vita pentru nascuti si nenascuti", Filiala Bucuresti
- Asociatia "Pro-Vita pentru nascuti si nenascuti ", Filiala Gorj.
- Asociatia "Pro-Vita pentru nascuti si nenascuti", Filiala Craiova
- Asociatia "Pro-Vita" Sibiu,
- Asociatia Filantropica Medical Crestina "Christiana", Filiala Cluj
- Asociatia "Acoperamântul Maicii Domnului" Oradea
- Asociatia "Filantropia Ortodoxa Alba Iulia"
- Asociatia "Filantropia Ortodoxǎ, Filiala Tg. Mures"
- Fundatia "Sf. Martiri Brâncoveni" Constanta
- Asociatia "Sfânta Tatiana" Ciutura, Jud. Dolj
- Fundatia Crestin Ortodoxa „PRO FILIIS" Pitesti

I know what I look like to my co-workers, colleagues, situational friends: a fat lady with lots of books and life experience, a fat lady big enough to be everybody's mom and mentor and confidant, a fat lady with good ideas and a self-effacing laugh, a song in my heart, names and plotlines on the tip of my tongue.

The people who don't like me say I'm bossy, maybe, a tad over-emotional, slightly bitchy (like it's a bad thing?) and unprofessional because I can't help biting my lip and rolling my eyes sometimes. Mostly it's men who don't like me, and I want to take the easy way out and say it's because I'm fat, or because I'm so serious (why so serious? - yup, went there, how could I not? Pop culture is one of my simple pleasures.)

If you knew me, you would know I am happy as I am: happy with my job, my family - not happy with the fat, no, I'll never be one of those fat pride people, although I admire them. I don't think fat is ugly and I don't think I'm ugly. I detach myself emotionally from this body, so it's like: why should I be proud of my body any more than I am proud of that chair over there, or that bottle of hand cream, or my sunglasses? I don't feel connected at all to my body. I live in my mind. I don't think about my looks from the neck down.

And now, finding out that I am ill again, an illness by the way that has nothing to do with fat but that forces me to look at myself as a whole person instead of just a brain and eyes and ears and a big loud mouth...I am too much sometimes, even for myself. No wonder I am too much for the world.

Manchester Orchestra - I can barely breathe

When I searched them up on youtube, instead of the usual pang of jealousy and envy that appears when something I've found has been found long before, I felt a werid pleased feeling. A feeling that not only I was able to feel something from the words of this song, that others felt it too or maybe I'm just werid. But when I heard those words I fly solo, I fely so High, I could not help but believe that those words were meant for me.

As I sit here in my room at 12:18 am, while everyone sleeps, even my dog who has taken refuge upon my bed to end her drowisness, I can't help but to realize that I have become a pile of unaccomplished fat that sits glued to the computer with no hopes of giving up this horrible habit she bought upon herself. And I feel so angry at myself for succumbing into this behaviour. Although I am no longer the miserable mope I was before, I have done nothing but change the attitude and have done little with changing the actions.

Therefore, tomorrow I will start my day with a jog, to bring basic structure to my day and lose the 5 pounds that I have sadly gained. Then I will spend my day in the library, to finally indulge in something far better than my life and to return the 7 books, that sit in my room bored of being read and costing me money because of their overdue date. Next, I will come hope and draw, draw not for school but something for myself, that I havn't done in a while...so when the clock strikes 7:00, this is how my day will begin:

Wake up
Jog
Shower
Find Money
Go to Library
Read a book or too
Draw whatever my mind leads too
and whatever i feel like doing next

I realized I do have ordinary shoes..